11: Molten Steele J.D. Masters (Simon Hawke)

#8 Steele

Tags:
Terminatrix

Archive

Old Man Brendan

My theory is Masters came to America as an exchange student and spent four years he could have been getting laid on the best grass available just bitching about all these ungrateful Kent State coeds.

Jcantrell, hater of things

I love how he's like "politics are stupid bullshit" in one of the most politically charged books I've ever read

Dr. Mithras

Like we started low and sank

gellaho

I got nothing

Dr. Mithras

Weird

sensitive New Age jakesy

Lol now he’s just a Fox News commentator

Dr. Mithras

He has like, strawman socialists but what's communism, haha it failed so hard.

sensitive New Age jakesy

“Communism hasn’t existed in 150 years but I hate it!”

gellaho

Well, it got worse

Old Man Brendan

Hawke was problematic, but at least this was his vision. This is like watching Sid break all the toys.

gellaho

sensitive New Age jakesy

Oh no

Jcantrell, hater of things

If I was an owner of the property and milan handed me this, id fire him and eat the manuscript

In front of him

Dr. Mithras

It was straight. I really am glad he highlighted that.

Old Man Brendan

They have an AIR FORCE and nobody in the great 48 knows they're alive.

Dr. Mithras

No wait, was her pubic hair glossy?

Jcantrell, hater of things

All the best novels spend time describing sixteen year olds bush

gellaho

Let's skip past the attempted rape

DeusExNonSequitur

Remember when the character had strong feelings about 1965 dimes, but now someone doesn't know about communism?

Old Man Brendan

Better describe what Asian pubes look like before mentioning the gaping femoral wound.

Dr. Mithras

A cigarette tip to the tip of a penis is something I've never read before.

sensitive New Age jakesy

Hahaha Cock Burn!

gellaho

It's "ass-wipe," dipshit

Old Man Brendan

Honestly, I appreciate the novelty.

Jcantrell, hater of things

First describe how fuckable she is and how her pubes are doing then if you time, describe any plot relevant details.

Old Man Brendan

What you mean? This is good word in Americas, the ass-white, it is incredible my main man.

sensitive New Age jakesy

Also she’s 16

Jcantrell, hater of things

Literature 101 really

Dr. Mithras

Said the man to his dominatrix, tipping her.

sensitive New Age jakesy

Make sure we know she’s underage

Old Man Brendan

I like to imagine maybe, MAYBE this is what Orvus sees as his gaze travels from her face down.

gellaho

They're gonna show it on the news!

Old Man Brendan

Listen, it's a harsh world. If you can't make informed decisions by 13 maybe do Masters the courtesy of dying instead of obstructing his world.

Dr. Mithras

What's the authors full name?

Old Man Brendan

The people deserve to know whose cocks are being burnt.

Jcantrell, hater of things

Victor milan

Old Man Brendan

aka

sensitive New Age jakesy

EL Hunter

gellaho

sensitive New Age jakesy

Hahahaha

Ok I take it all back Victor is good now

Old Man Brendan

...Galil?

Djonin Foxman

Huh.

gellaho

If only there had been events in Wyoming in previous books that Hunter could draw from

This fucker is messing with Jagged Steele, and I will not tolerate it

sensitive New Age jakesy

Sgt Tracy did not eat all that pussy just to be forgotten to the annals of time

Djonin Foxman

I don’t think Galils had a bull pup variant

gellaho

What

sensitive New Age jakesy

Hahaha

Dr. Mithras

What the bananas hell

Old Man Brendan

They gave him a 21-cunny salute.

sensitive New Age jakesy

Hahaha and a water slide in his honor

Old Man Brendan

Buried in the Womb of the Unknown Soldier

Jcantrell, hater of things

I do not think milan knows what cunnilingus is

Djonin Foxman

Galil didn’t have a bull pup but there’s another Israeli bull pup from that era

Old Man Brendan

With a Sexual Congressional Medal of Honor.

Jcantrell, hater of things

I think he read that line and was like "what even is happening"

Djonin Foxman

Look at this asshole getting Galil guns mixed up with Tavor

sensitive New Age jakesy

Please Victor, let me know if the Olive Garden is still open

Jcantrell, hater of things

You being a gun nerd us the weirdest thing I've learned about you

Old Man Brendan

If it is, you know Victor's going to hail it as the last surviving remnant of real italian culture

A place that made alfredo bland.

Djonin Foxman

I’m an army brat

Old Man Brendan

That gun actually looks like a Scottish terrier.

Djonin Foxman

So, i know the bullpup trend was at peak popular in the 90s, but I need to know if Hawke wrote about the other gun trend.

Has Steele ever featured “caseless” ammo?

sensitive New Age jakesy

“Miseri walked up to the counter. ‘Wha...what will you be having maam?’ She sliced open his guts and grabbed his cock. ‘Soup, salad, and dead-sticks’”

Djonin Foxman

That was HUGE in late 80s sci fi

Before we realized caseless ammo kind of sucks.

Jcantrell, hater of things

I like bullpup aesthetically but I don't know enough about guns to know if it's any better

Djonin Foxman

Like, Shadowrun explicitly has all guns caseless unless noted otherwise.

gellaho

I've never read so many words that mean so little

Djonin Foxman

Eh, it’s lighter and maneuvers in tight spaces better, but it’s a bit harder to reload.

It’s fine.

Looks cool as fuck

I’m not a gun snob, you won’t offend me with gun opinions other than the belief the Pancor Jackhammer exists.

Djonin Foxman

You say this after how many Steele books?

Jcantrell, hater of things

The only gun I've wanted to buy was a historical reconstructed colt dragoon pistol, black powder muzzle loaded whole shebang

gellaho

Matrix is a computer program Steele, why do you give a shit

sensitive New Age jakesy

Yeah these ones are particularly trash though

Old Man Brendan

Matrix comin'!

gellaho

The other ones were at least mildly interesting

I just skipped over a military ambush that had no fucking point

Old Man Brendan

Jesus, Masters, just say it: Jilly's never going to fuck Epstein.

Jcantrell, hater of things

We got to learn about Steele's dick

sensitive New Age jakesy

The Milan Steeles have devolved into thinly veiled political straw man rants

Jcantrell, hater of things

It hasn't been mentioned so I'm assuming he's just got a smooth mound now

Like the flesh recoating just covered him

gellaho

Hunter, sir. I wish this was masters

Old Man Brendan

ACTUALLY, what you FAIL to rEalIiZE about Steele's world is that the liberties we have traded away....

I can't ever keep it straight. Two Russiany names with three tough-guy pen names between them.

gellaho

Steele's computer hole is non-allergenic

Djonin Foxman

You know, I just noticed Steele always fights with his cyber parts and doesn’t really have a trademark gun for me to mock and criticize

Old Man Brendan

Russiany = Victor but not Milan

gellaho

Lazer canon and darts

Jcantrell, hater of things

His trademark gun should be a desert eagle

sensitive New Age jakesy

It’s a 1911

But it’s only mentioned in the first book I think

Old Man Brendan

Steele IS a gun

Djonin Foxman

Oh my god it would be

sensitive New Age jakesy

Or maybe the second. When he and Ice gear up, it comes up

Jcantrell, hater of things

It would have to be some kind of .45 right?

sensitive New Age jakesy

It’s the gun his dad killed his family with

Old Man Brendan

"Dr. Singh had made Steele's new body 21, so there was nothing wrong with him having sex with Jilly, who had turned 18 the day before she found him."

Jcantrell, hater of things

Like it's the official caliber of small penis havers

Djonin Foxman

I love the 1911 like any other American but do you know what it doesn’t have? A fucking second stack of bullets.

gellaho

The two groups are literally just shelling each other, this is so tedious

Djonin Foxman

It’s over 100 years old and holds like ten bullets because it was invented before magazines worked right.

Old Man Brendan

How much ordinance is in Wyoming that they could take Albuquerque at any moment after all this?

sensitive New Age jakesy

gellaho

He's really on how her breast size

Jcantrell, hater of things

I mean I like revolvers so I'm not about to throw stones on magazine size

gellaho

They have fucking nukes in Wyoming

Old Man Brendan

You can destroy a place with nukes, but you sure can't take it.

Djonin Foxman

He has a literal cowboy era gun

sensitive New Age jakesy

You got the 10 shot clip right and at least Masters knew that

gellaho

And a missile backpack

sensitive New Age jakesy

Ice gets the .44 magnum and Steele has his fathers 1911-A1

gellaho

He said it again!

sensitive New Age jakesy

Hahahah

Old Man Brendan

Maybe he collects hands from his fallen foes.

sensitive New Age jakesy

Oh god were only on page 58

gellaho

this is the first I've heard of the "bandit Alliance"

sensitive New Age jakesy

If you can dodge a wrench

Old Man Brendan

Soft, weak, womanish General of the apocalypse.

gellaho

Oh, God. Fucking fuck you

sensitive New Age jakesy

God dammit

Old Man Brendan

How did she get so good at killing?

sensitive New Age jakesy

I assume this is Miseri

gellaho

indeedy

Old Man Brendan

He made her to prove peak human can beat any machine, then used machines to age her to her peak.

sensitive New Age jakesy

Children tend to be rapey, Hunter postulates

Old Man Brendan

"You guys don't understand, SHE seduced ME." --Matt Gaetz

Jcantrell, hater of things

If there's a single problem in this world that can't be solved by cowboyin' Id like to hear it

Justice league taught me that's the best way to go from the us to iceland?

Norway?

Where the fuck was aquaman?

Jcantrell, hater of things

Aw, the best sci fi trope "it's not technically pedophilia"

Kind of thought that was an anime move

sensitive New Age jakesy

“She’s actually a dragon, she’s 3000 years old”

Jcantrell, hater of things

But here's milan boldly pioneering

gellaho

This has turned into a very boring war book

sensitive New Age jakesy

Milan: somehow hornier than Masters

Jcantrell, hater of things

Military sci fi written by a libertarian pervert, the best type of book

gellaho

Appendix: well known as the thinking organ

Old Man Brendan

the gut's gotta think SOMEWHERE>

sensitive New Age jakesy

Steele-seeking appendix

gellaho

Jesus, dude

I gotta make sure I have my ass-gun

Djonin Foxman

Oh man I feel so much better about my shitty war writing for my bootleg Steele chapter

gellaho

I preferred the other lip moistening

Djonin Foxman

Oh shit

Caseless and 10 mm

Old Man Brendan

She's a pair of tits that exist as life support for weapons.

sensitive New Age jakesy

With the mind of a child

Old Man Brendan

If they can clone Steele forever, and his core is almost indestructible...

Djonin Foxman

So there was actually debate around the 80s on if the standard should be 9 or 10 mm

Old Man Brendan

the smartest thing for Steele to do is learn cloning.

sensitive New Age jakesy

He could theoretically live forever that way

gellaho

Aikido!

gellaho
Old Man Brendan

Westlake, you sonofabitch

Djonin Foxman

Apparently the FBI was using 10mm and the cops used 9

Bike Dancin' Greg

Damn Aikido and lips in two consecutive pages

Djonin Foxman

Ultimately 10mm fell out of favor because they “were starting to let women into the FBI and police”

And 10mm was thought to be too much for women

Jcantrell, hater of things

Is there an appreciable difference?

gellaho

Really creepy stuff coming up

Djonin Foxman

10mm is noticeably stronger.

9mm is infamous for not killing as often

gellaho

gellaho

Jcantrell, hater of things

An obvious flaw I'm sure

Djonin Foxman

Kind of more a meme because it’s a fucking gun either way

sensitive New Age jakesy

69, but not nice

Jcantrell, hater of things

Djonin Foxman

But yeah, because of the debate and the ditching of 10mm, a lot of more “macho” alt history and sci fi uses 10mm to show its a more dangerous timeline.

Like Fallout

gellaho

Miseri gets shot

gellaho

Bike Dancin' Greg

It would be fittingly Masters if they pointlessly kill off Miseri with no payoff whatsoever

Djonin Foxman

As for caseless weapons, it was mostly an experiment in reducing the weight and cost of ammo.

sensitive New Age jakesy

I got my money on her dying here and then there being a clone or clones of her that pop up later

gellaho

Just kidding, ninja shit

gellaho

Djonin Foxman

The caseless bullet was more or less a block of gunpowder with a bullet on one end

You can imagine it was really sexy for a little bit at the end of the Cold War as “future smol ammo”

Then it immediately fell out of favor because of obvious flaws.

Namely, a block of gunpowder is heat sensitive

And cracks easier than brass when you drop your magazine

gellaho

I guess this coin laugh is going to be a thing

Djonin Foxman

Oh and it doesn’t make a good seal so the bullets come out slow or off target

In short - caseless ammo is the biggest 80s and 90s sci fi gun meme

Bike Dancin' Greg

More coin similes!

Djonin Foxman

Next to gyrojet ammo

And 10mm

gellaho

I found it, I found the most poorly written sentence

Djonin Foxman

Oh I’m sorry did I miss something gross?

Old Man Brendan

I feel the "peak human" argument has lost all relevance now that she has a healing factor and a clone programming.

Djonin Foxman

This sentence smells like burnt toast

sensitive New Age jakesy

Wut

sensitive New Age jakesy

Yeah now she’s just a second generation cyborg

gellaho

OK. Weird to bring up in a fight

Djonin Foxman

Hope I’m not derailing things with the sci fi gun blabbing, I’m just trying to distract myself from the weird sex stuff.

Old Man Brendan

She was as much stronger than he as he was than a five-year-old girl-child.

On a technical level, it's correct.

gellaho

So fucking weird. She's also turned into Dennis Miller

Old Man Brendan

But if you have to get technical, it's incorrect.

Djonin Foxman

“Quick, what bothers women?”

“Not havin babies!”

Old Man Brendan

For those who aren't Macbeth fans, this is foreshadowing that Clone Steele will kill her.

gellaho

Fuck you, traffic and shopping malls

Old Man Brendan

...he's just cruising Route 66 now?

There's action, and Steele's not part of it because he is obeying traffic laws.

gellaho

Jackoff motions are back

Old Man Brendan

Maybe that's how their society waves goodbye, we don't know.

sensitive New Age jakesy

“Wait, hold on, don’t start the battle without me, the 101 is a nightmare right now at rush hour”

gellaho

gellaho

I don't care for this relationship

Old Man Brendan

Steele will impregnate her in battle by bleeding in her vicinity.

gellaho

This is repetitive and gross, what a combo

gellaho

This seems like it would be impossible for the pilot to fly while this was happening

Old Man Brendan

Why aren't they painted black, how am I supposed to get an er--OH, okay, murder.

Djonin Foxman

I remember when I was on patrol and had to do a co ordinated laugh with my fellow officers while our boss stripped

Old Man Brendan

A bodystocking of blood is a bodypainting, sir.

gellaho

Hunter remembered the serial killer from the beginning of the last book, that's nice

Old Man Brendan

buk-buk-BAGAW

Djonin Foxman

This author is weird - the phrasing and author’s voice is less stilted than the first few Steeles, but the author feels skeezier

You can tell this was written by a native English speaker who’s a creep instead of a weird but enthusiastic Russian guy

The creepy bits feel less naively creepy if that makes any sense.

Old Man Brendan

He's really getting comfortable with his creep.

gellaho

Just know that someone ate dog shit off the sidewalk for no reason

Old Man Brendan

This is why the TGIF spinoff That's CROWE! failed in one season.

gellaho

Without any real explanation, Steele and Crowe have made their way to the General's quarters

gellaho

And they led the general to the killing fields

gellaho

This is my first time hearing about this, I don't know how they knew about it

Alpha Scientist Javo

does he tell people about his pistol hand every book

gellaho

Donelson tried to invade the enclave without telling the general about it

gellaho

Usually

Old Man Brendan

Steele is Whiteman's Ghost of Christmas Present

gellaho

So Donelson is going to do a coup during an invasion, which is a weird move

gellaho

So I'm thinking Steele's human skin wasn't the best idea

Alpha Scientist Javo

wait

wait

wait

troopies?

troopies

Old Man Brendan

"She had remarkably supple wrists" is an odd observation for a horrified mourner.

I'm the only sniper to draw blood on Steele, but i died in a cammie blouse.

gellaho

It was all over in a minute, what a conflict

gellaho

Donnie?

Old Man Brendan

Donnie Steele.

Boy, these people from the 23rd century love them some 1990s pop culture references.

Alpha Scientist Javo

wait jilly is still alive? I have to admit I just showed up and assumed she was dead by now

gellaho

Oh, he got away

gellaho

None of our named characters have done much

Alpha Scientist Javo

thats got to be a new record for a love interest

gellaho

Nevermind, Dameron got him

gellaho

This book is thoroughly unpleasant

Alpha Scientist Javo

only asians get mad when you kill their children

Old Man Brendan

Is Crowe the Slasher?

Djonin Foxman

Oh man has no one called him Donnie yet?

Is this book the first time someone said Donnie?

I can’t believe I never made a Donnie joke.

gellaho

Then she calls him Don

gellaho

They always call him Steele. Even his ex-wife, who is also a Steele

So it's weird

Old Man Brendan

Our Steele is Colt Blacke, and by this rule I've been turning every use of Colt into surname.

gellaho

All that, and Miseri just visits the university

Alpha Scientist Javo

a deepthroat voice huh

gellaho

Nevermind, they are holograms

gellaho

Matrix has gone bad

gellaho

And got a flesh body?

gellaho

Old Man Brendan

that was part ONE??

gellaho

Ahuh

Alpha Scientist Javo

oh shit are we doing another two parter

does gellaho have the strength to soldier on

Old Man Brendan

It's not that ironic when you consider Steele is in the best version of his body.

Or that Matrix never wanted to be physical again.

I vote we pick this up next Friday.

gellaho

I suppose we can. There are 75 pages left

Old Man Brendan

Nothing happened and somehow there's a LOT to process.

Classic Hawkesters

gellaho

I don't think I can describe just how painful that book is to read

It changes perspective every 7-10 paragraphs

So it seems like there should be a lot more happening than there actually is

I actually have a headache

Djonin Foxman

And I got to bitch about guns

So I’m happy.

You can really hear the change in authors now.

Alpha Scientist Javo

the chickweed special

Djonin Foxman

It’s actually a little jarring

Old Man Brendan

Yeah, ya done good, Gellaho.

Djonin Foxman

The author feels more relaxed but is also acting more like a creep

gellaho

Old Man Brendan

Proud of everyone here. We got through a compound lift day, and only over the course of next week will we realize the many ways it strained us.

gellaho

It's just remarkable how little happened in that first part that actually matters to the story. He just decided to have the air force invade rather than wrap up any of the stuff from the last book

Like the Jesus cult, or the serial killer, or Miseri

sensitive New Age jakesy

Haha I’m sorry boys, I checked out about halfway through. Need to get the strength to soldier on later

Djonin Foxman

I missed the first part because I was driving

They rescheduled me so I could make sure the Mariners don’t cause a spontaneous riot