gellaho
, maaaaaaaaaaaan
66: The Hardy Boys Casefiles #48: Rock 'N' Revenge Franklin W. Dixon
Tags:
Mix hard rock with hard crime - and danger's bound to hit the top of the charts.
Archive
Manyxe Cooks to Order
Oh yeah, it's all one database. It's where Baskin Robbins looks up your birthday so they know if you're entitled to a free scoop.
Cyberzone
You know he's gonna be the red herring
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Ah sweet 1991, when being a Navy SEAL meant your action figure had a sweet wetsuit and nothing else.
gellaho
"Listen, mister"
FancyShark
No, he's a human
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Joe demonstrating "Mouth writing checks his body can't cash."
gellaho
The Phantom
FancyShark
Kong immediately puts Joe in charge of pulling the trailer that holds all the gear
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
REally gambling on the former Navy SEAL having gone soft since his military days.
Cyberzone
Yeah, they don't have biker crank like the roadies do
Gentleman Brendan
Joe, this field is too dangerous for the likes of you.
Specifically you.
gellaho
Anticlimax engage
FancyShark
The fact the murderer keeps gunning for Frank at least shows they know which brother is more likely to pose a threat
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Once again Frank coldly logics out how Joe is a dumbass about to be crushed.
FancyShark
oh wait
dammit
Gentleman Brendan
I love this universe. Nothing bad ever happens, just some sabotagey stuff always almost happens.
gellaho
MORE ROADIES! MORE!
FancyShark
Imagine telling any of these events back to someone after you survived them.
"And then this interesting thing allllllmost happened. But it didn't."
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Frank just doing unpaid roadie work, trying to pay his dues and get some work. Boy detectiving aint gonna last forever.
FancyShark
Character: Man, Eastern....something
c'mon, think
gellaho
I'm guessing Duke Wampler spends a lot of time in lockers
FancyShark
Duke comes from a long line of Wamplers
LyraV
Duke Wampler and his trusty horse Winnipeg.
Gentleman Brendan
This was ONE DAY. Joe almost died in two accidents and one assault by the very guy he's there to protect.
gellaho
Duke's secret weapon? Magnifying glass
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Beating Joe to death with a piece of lumber is a natural reaction.
Gentleman Brendan
If Joe worked a normal teen job, Karen would try to stab him for forgetting to hold the pickles, and a splash of hot fry oil would land at his feet only because he slipped clear of it
gellaho
MUST CONSUME... FOLLOWED BY CONSUMPTION
Gentleman Brendan
There would still be two guys exactly like Kong and Jake working with him.
FancyShark
No, Frank, he said crows. They feed the crows. It's adorable.
The crows show up and squawk and they give them bread
LyraV
Even after Wample and his woopling the pictures were no clearer.
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Man fuck them, they reminded me pizza exists and now I want one.
gellaho
MORE ROADIES! FATTER ROADIES!
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Fuck there's always a Tex.
FancyShark
Tex and his mustache of fat
Gentleman Brendan
Crow can be trained to do most techie jobs.
gellaho
Roadies and lost love
Gentleman Brendan
"Yeah, this town's special to me. I walked out on my old lady and our boy Chet 14 years ago this week to live the roadie life. Last letter I got from her, she said he was eating to fill the void of my absence. Who needs that kind of guilt?
Oh shit, I was sort of right.
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
So far all we know about Buddy is that he is a board swinging maniac nobody likes, should Clare be quite so broken up about it?
FancyShark
Yes. She has a whole barn full of boards that need breaking and no one to break them
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Also Kong has a crush on the hippie girl.
Awwwww.
gellaho
"You big meanie!"
FancyShark
"Golly, you make me right steamed, you do!"
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
This is what happens when you hire non Union staff.
gellaho
Presented without context
Gentleman Brendan
"The two Hardys were as different in personalities and looks as their outfits."
FancyShark
hahaha, goddammit, gellaho, I almost spat on my keyboard
LyraV
This writer is thirsty as fuck.
gellaho
This is definitely a task for the untrained 17 year old
Gentleman Brendan
Did not think I'd get to use this soon after hearing it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uCsm9oIXec4
FancyShark
"When you get to the top, yell 'Pull!'"
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
"Now, this is very dangerous but not technical, so you are perfect......ly expendable."
gellaho
"I mean, this is literally the sound crew's job. But, fuck it"
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
"Feel free to get hurt in a real gnarly way too, you aren't covered by the insurance so we don't care."
Gentleman Brendan
18 is that perfect age when you're old enough to consent to dangerous work and in no way informed enough for that to be alright.
FancyShark
"Hold this knife in your mouth by the blade. And take some broken glass and live grenades to keep your balance"
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
"Putting this live adder down your pants focuses your mind, helps you stay on task."
gellaho
This is the shittiest road crew. This must be why it takes so long to set up
FancyShark
"We'll fire encouragement arrows at you while you climb"
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
"After you finish its time for the 10:30 "Attempt to murder a band member" break."
Manyxe Cooks to Order
"But make it funny, the guys need a laugh after your non-union ass stole one of their jobs."
Gentleman Brendan
Stop letting Joe climb things!
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
"Its a fun thing we do."
Gentleman Brendan
God, Joe is the #1 suspect.
gellaho
Seems legit
FancyShark
Frank was still getting used to how breath felt
Manyxe Cooks to Order
Even inanimate objects want him dead.
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Frank hadn't sucked the last breath from the lips of the dying in hours and he was starting to get antsy.
gellaho
MORE ROADIES
FancyShark
The writer's approach seems to be a new roadie for every scene
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
God are we gonna have to remember ANOTHER roadie's name?
gellaho
Yeah, this is how metal guys talk.
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
"YOURE HISTORY! FINITO! MY NAMES BUDDY DEATH AND I DO COCAINE!"
FancyShark
"Aldente! You're not such a good guy! Youse all be a going"
okay, I'm slowly turning it into Borat
gellaho
I imagine this turning into a falsetto
gellaho
gellaho
I assume he meant getting louder, but that's not what that means
FancyShark
Frank shifts his weight and takes his foot off of Mellor's scrotum
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
"Mellor" is the name of a wizard and not a music executive.
FancyShark
WHO DARES DISTURB THE SANCTUM OF MELLOR
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
"BEHOLD MELLORS MIGHTY MAGICS!"
Manyxe Cooks to Order
Who the fuck holds a press conference on a stage?
Gentleman Brendan
This novel does a lot of telling what happens to Joe or Frank through the passive view of the other Hardy.
gellaho
"And nothing's gonna change the rock scene. Certainly not in the early nineties. What could possibly happen?"
Gentleman Brendan
But also Joe Strummer.
Gentleman Brendan
Some say this novel inspired Nirvana.
Some say it paved the way by killing off the hair bands.
Some say Callie should never have gotten into that van, but it inspired Frank's BEST songwriting.
gellaho
An unforgivable crime to be sure
Gentleman Brendan
Or Joe's, I honestly can't tell them apart.
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
"Grun gee? The fuck kind of music is Grun gi?! The hell is this flannel shirt shit?"
FancyShark
"Once he surpasses Mitch Miller, he'll be unstoppable"
gellaho
What, are you constructing the towers yourself?
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
"MELLOR IS DISPLEASED WITH YOUR GRUN GI!"
gellaho
Joe is the angry dumbass. Frank is a computer
FancyShark
Callie is sexually frustrated to the point of stupidity because Frank doesn't sex
LyraV
Roadies 8-34 are all unique and special as well.
FancyShark
They should get those Ready to Use tower kits
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Her spinal fluid is 70% lubricant.
gellaho
Really? Ok
Gentleman Brendan
I know, but it's so much easier to picture Jared Kushner as a Joe than a Frank.
I just need to start picturing Joe the Plumber and all his wrong takes.
FancyShark
He's more a stain
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
"They travel in a separate limo so its harder to kill the whole band with a car bomb."
"We learned this from Margaret Thatcher."
FancyShark
"Yep. Right in the kisser. Boy golly, I sure am a heavy metal fellow"
Gentleman Brendan
Callie and Nancy Drew are dating, I'm sure of it.
gellaho
This group has a wildly incongruous style
gellaho
gellaho
Ah, the well-known metal congas
FancyShark
Congas a-
DAMMIT
gellaho
All my favorite metal tunes
"The Devil's Drum"
"Conga Killer"
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
"Skeezers T-shirt had stains from semen AND chewing tobacco."
FancyShark
They used to be the Buddy Bop Band, but Death was more metal
FancyShark
"No one knew whose"
gellaho
Metal guys, always imitating Chuck Berry
FancyShark
That's more unsettling after Flippant's joke
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
NERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRDS! BOOOOOOOOOO NERRRRRRRRRRRRRRDS!
gellaho
See?
FancyShark
I stand by what I said
Chuck Berry, the godfather of metal
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
He'll have to fight Christopher Lee for it in hell.
gellaho
Skeezer mocks Buddy, and pays dearly
FancyShark
Skeezer's boner was ignored, but only with effort
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
"God don't touch him! He could still have a charge.........also his nipples look like they could cut glass."
LyraV
He smelled faintly of rat while cooking.
gellaho
Broom time
Manyxe Cooks to Order
I mean, it was Angus Young's signature move.
FancyShark
This is either sabotage or a shitty contractor
gellaho
We gotta work on your "Um, actually" my man
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Oh god no dont do CPR on Skeezer, Frank. That is how you get Hepatitis Omega.
Manyxe Cooks to Order
Hard rock is def. metal adjacent.
FancyShark
Last person that gave Skeezer mouth to mouth is now in a leper colony
Chili Con Cookie Javo
hey guys just popping in, hows buddy death doing
FancyShark
All the roadies are ridiculous and Buddy Death is a dork
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
And smells of jizz and chaw.
FancyShark
So, it rules
gellaho
"Hear that Skeeze? The child says you're gonna be fine. Who needs hands to play an instrument?"
Chili Con Cookie Javo
Skeezer
FancyShark
"I can't feel anything below my neck"
"You're fine"
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
"Now, your hands got so much juice your nerves are basically shorted out, so you wont be able to feel anything with them anymore. On the downside picking up quarters is going to be real hard. Upside is when you jack off, its going to always be a Phantom Stranger."
gellaho
Blade only works with graphite
Manyxe Cooks to Order
This is how Les Harvey died. Mic electrocution.
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
"MELLORS MYSTICAL SENSES PERCIEVED NOTHING! TIS THE WORK OF SORCERY MOST POTENT!"
FancyShark
"PS Do you like me?"
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Also another goddam pencil note.
gellaho
Frank going full Vulcan
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
If you were going to do block letters you should have cut them from a magazine!
Goddammit this would be killer sucks.
FancyShark
Blade doesn't cut things
Gentleman Brendan
The most metal thing this band ever did and it was in soundcheck.
gellaho
The ancient ghostwriter had just discovered lamination
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
"MELLOR GAINS NOTHING FROM THE END OF THE DEATH BUDDY! MELLOR HAS A LOT OF CRYSTALS RIDING ON THIS!"
Gentleman Brendan
Maine driver's license confirmed.
In 2001 I was briefly the owner of the world's shittiest fake ID, given to me by my friend.
It turned out it was REAL and below the quality standards for high school class IDs and library cards
FancyShark
lol
gellaho
Something you usually only get from Joe after hearing 69
Gentleman Brendan
Maine would just print you out a cardstock driver's license and mailing tape it shut.
Manyxe Cooks to Order
No way is laminated paper pushing the bolt aside. That's like trying to dent the Titanic with a pool noodle.
FancyShark
"I've been looking for a dart board."
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Hahahah remember when doors were so shitty you could open locks with credit cards? No? Because TV Shows do.
Manyxe Cooks to Order
Not even hard plastic. Laminated cardstock.
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
"MELLOR WAS SIMPLY PRACTICING HIS CANTRIP AIM! THOSE ARE MAAAAGICAL DARTS!:
gellaho
@public jakesy no. 1 You're missing it
Gentleman Brendan
I think at least four doors in my current apartment are like that.
FancyShark
THE INSURANCE MONEY!
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
"MELLOR IS NO FOOL! MELLOR DOES THE PROPER PAPERWORK TO PROTECT HIS ASSETS FROM LIABILITY!"
gellaho
"The key weighed 80 pounds"
LyraV
Mellor the Magnificent
FancyShark
Oddly, it's a sliding door
Gentleman Brendan
We also would have accepted the schact of a key in a lock--GASP
gellaho
Frank is very mad there were not more deadly microphone stands
FancyShark
Frank considers taunting the inept killer to make detectiving easier
Manyxe Cooks to Order
I thought "oh must be an insurance scam" an hour ago, but then I realised that's too boring a motive, but shit, I was right before I was wrong.
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
After inhaling the aroma of a cooked Skeezer I would also be angry.
gellaho
That's not what that phrase means
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
"MELLOR HAS BUSINESS ON THE ASTRAL PLANE! WHERE TIME HAS NO MEANING! BUT THAT DOESNT MEAN HE CAN FUCK AROUND, MELLOR HAS SHIT TO DO!"
FancyShark
So this author can't even manage normal English terms and thought they could cover metal
LyraV
gellaho
This is the quickest anticlimax I've seen. Not even a chapter break
gellaho
Solid
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
"SHIT MELLOR FORGOT HIS MAGICAL ORB IN TUNNEL C!"
gellaho
Gross
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Yup. Navy SEAL.
public jakesy no. 1
THE INSURANCE MONEY
FancyShark
IT'S ALWAYS THE INSURANCE MONEY!
gellaho
Frank returns to his Vulcan teachings
public jakesy no. 1
Kong always tests us
FancyShark
Frank decided to stab Kong instead
public jakesy no. 1
But when you look back and see only one set of footprints on the beach, it was then that Kong carried us
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
"Also he knew an ex Navy SEAL named Kong could kick his ass, so he decided to kill him with a cunning plan."
gellaho
Well, excuuuuuse me, Kong
public jakesy no. 1
Talk to the hand, Kong
FancyShark
Sick burn
LyraV
Hey this writer wrote every bullying PSA from the 90's too.
Gentleman Brendan
Let me tell you about ANOTHER young fellow with wild hair who really "offended" the wise elders with his "rockin' " message. His name was Christ the LORD
Gentleman Brendan
Frak me, this is so good.
Manyxe Cooks to Order
And they were all autobiographical.
gellaho
"We've decided to build the new tower via cannon"
FancyShark
"Tornado's comin'. Get back to work."
public jakesy no. 1
Steel Cannon is literally Ben Roesthisburger
Gentleman Brendan
Real men: always picking on schoolboys to take their teen girlfriends.
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
"Hey fellows, whats the dealy-o amirite?!"
Manyxe Cooks to Order
Totally on brand for 70s rockers though.
gellaho
"Come on, everybody's working for the weekend"
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Kong has that "Takes his dick out at the bowling alley" energy
gellaho
And Steele Cannon can still have human children
Gentleman Brendan
You did this for me and I love you for it.
Gentleman Brendan
That's giving Mr. Boebert Taylor Greene a lot of credit for courage under fire.
gellaho
Rolling Stones reference, perfect for the heavy metal book
LyraV
He haunts my imagination.
public jakesy no. 1
Frank had that reply teed up and all he could say way thanks
FancyShark
Frank leaves people hanging for high fives too
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
To be fair, SEALS mostly plant bombs underwater or sneak up and slit throats when they arent firing grenade launchers at old goat herders so courage doesn't really enter into it much.
gellaho
Snagging is the only response to a harsh whisper
public jakesy no. 1
More like a Careless Whisper
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Frank is so angry someone has stolen his prey.
FancyShark
oh well. Someone start thawing out Callie 117
gellaho
KARATE ATTACK
Gentleman Brendan
Frank has no idea what sex sounds like because he is a computer.
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
The internet wont be used for porn for a couple more years in his day.
gellaho
Weird, Callie. Weird.
public jakesy no. 1
"I don't know who it is but I know it makes me horny"
FancyShark
"You knew I was thinking 'waffles'?"
gellaho
"Maybe it was a bird"
FancyShark
"To be fair, most people hate us"
gellaho
Yes! My favorite character, Dumpster brand dumpsters!
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
"We are famously nosey and annoying so it just could be random."
FancyShark
Dumpster must be a sponsor of these books
Gentleman Brendan
Callie appeared, sweating and flushed, obviously profoundly unsettled by whatever that brute had done to her.
public jakesy no. 1
Dumpster is just Hulk Hogan's porn name
gellaho
Shit, it's a rumble! Watch out, Ponyboy!
Gentleman Brendan
Frank is the WasteCo Bin Disposal Unit of Hardys
public jakesy no. 1
"My eyes are up here, Joe"
FancyShark
Uh oh, fingers are starting to snap
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Switchblade wielding metal fan! Nice!
gellaho
I always get my knife out before taking a ride on my hog
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Time for me to have sexy crime time in Blades, thanks yall. Been fun riffing!
FancyShark
Ahhh. That's how he managed to sneak in. With a motorcycle
Have a good night, @Karate Physics Flippant Sausage !
Great riffing!
gellaho
So wacky
FancyShark
Joe's spine cracks in four places. BOING!
gellaho
Duke Wampler's short jaw was fine
public jakesy no. 1
Long Jaw Duke they call him
FancyShark
He wamples with the best of them
LyraV
The Lorax weeps for the last of the Wamplers.
gellaho
Are we going to learn why the limo driver was fired? No? Ok
Gentleman Brendan
Turns out he's a shovel-mouthed pleisiosaur
Manyxe Cooks to Order
https://www.wamplerpedals.com/
public jakesy no. 1
Long Jaw Duke and the Wamplers opened up for CCR at VanFest '77 if I remember correctly
Gentleman Brendan
Frank can't protect Buddy if he's driving, you dope.
Maybe the driver is the Phantom.
FancyShark
Yeah. Big crowd of folk fans
gellaho
That's what you get from Discount Donny's Cheap Limo Service
Manyxe Cooks to Order
Teens are cheaper than competent professionals, plus, nobody will care if these teend get killed on the job driving a vehicle much larger than they're licensed for.
gellaho
Discount Donny's rental agreement states that you must stop via guard rail friction
FancyShark
Hiya. Discount Donny here. You come down to my shop, I'll make you a sweet deal on this limo. You want brakes? Motherfucker, I'm trying to run a business. You want brakes, Fancy Pants, you go fuck a stump cuz brakes is not discounts
public jakesy no. 1
In the 80s our nations supply of teens was at an all time high anyway