gellaho, Town Tamer
How do you know that
56: Starfinder Robert F. Young
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He was a sailor on the Space-Time Sea, with a purpose and a plan as bold as the Stars.
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LyraV
Starfinder realizes he sucks at Hangman
public jakesy no. 1
Duh
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
"Butthole. You. Butthole. You in butthole. Orgasm."
gellaho, Town Tamer
Isn't oneness what they call marriage?
Is he married to the spacewhale now?
Gentleman Brendan
The BA radiation variant is the one you really have to worry about.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
I dunno, Starfinder. Reads more like "lightning strike tiny man" to me
gellaho, Town Tamer
Could you please tell me, Rob? I don't have your psychosis, Rob!
public jakesy no. 1
He's going to fuck that whale butthole
Space whale
Space butthole
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
"Ride log over waterfall"
gellaho, Town Tamer
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
so yeah, space butthole
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Fuck you, Rob
gellaho, Town Tamer
Fun
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
This was all a promotion for the McRib that went horribly wrong
gellaho, Town Tamer
Holy shit
Gentleman Brendan
You don't know about the McRib's status as a gay icon?
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Starfinder's actually having sex with a cabinet
public jakesy no. 1
Lol suckin some titty milk and nutting so hard you think you're in jail
Sounds like a Good Friday night
gellaho, Town Tamer
Well, not quite, because he ends up strangling Gloria Wish to death
I guess not to death because of the cryogenic thing
Gentleman Brendan
She is the wind but her breasts are the hills, and then the sky is something? But he eats the hills. And he is the one pricked priapically? And he is blinded again but the wind sweeps him up which is her.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Yeah, she'll get better. It's fine
gellaho, Town Tamer
Then escapes with the whale
public jakesy no. 1
#678: STRANGLE LOVER TO DEATH
To spice it up a bit, try choking out your partner until she dies
❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥
Gentleman Brendan
I'm all for poetry and fine with most of that page, but I think it kind of loses the thread around the time he's mad at the perfect woman for spooning after sex.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
That timeless line "Now, whale"
gellaho, Town Tamer
Consider the whale.
Gentleman Brendan
This insatiable woman men mistake for an angel is a drag, I'm busting out of here with the thing I hate most in the world.
Supernaught
Oh jesus christ we're only on chapter 2.
gellaho, Town Tamer
Did I go crazy?
Gentleman Brendan
Honestly, I don't hate dude's writing. He uses some quality $10 words.
John
I'm certain a chapter of Moby Dick also started "Consider the whale" you hack.
gellaho, Town Tamer
He can shove his $10 words up his $3 ass
Gentleman Brendan
But all the "Zapardow! Then fell the [algebra equation planet]" and macho bullshit can take a walk.
gellaho, Town Tamer
"Consider Starfinder. Remark his classic pose as he stands staring into time."
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
How long do we have to consider?
gellaho, Town Tamer
"Ramark upon it's rad, lightning bolt shape"
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
"I drew this during my calculus lecture. It's the Sea of Time."
Supernaught
Consider a fucking second opinion, dude.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Eleven years it took this guy to write
He had to have read through it at least once
gellaho, Town Tamer
Why is Starfinder talking like a Dickensian
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Never has a book's cover so accurately conveyed the story it contains
gellaho, Town Tamer
This was written in 1980
Ramb$ne Gracie with Scythe
((*️⃣ ))
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Metal
Give us more hell wraiths, Rob
gellaho, Town Tamer
They had time to paint a mural?
gellaho, Town Tamer
WARDROBIZER!
gellaho, Town Tamer
Fuck yes, wardrobizer!
10/10 Rob
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Finally, something sane
The clock is set to the timing of the Earth, which they've never seen
gellaho, Town Tamer
You could figure out that other shit, but not what two stick figures mean, Rob?
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
hahaha
gellaho, Town Tamer
Or Starfinder. Fuck it, they're the same to me
HAHAHA
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
👏
gellaho, Town Tamer
Instantly goes to murder, sure
Gentleman Brendan
Okay, now I hate his writing.
gellaho, Town Tamer
Three women! Quick, to the wardrobizer!
Supernaught
"slax"
Gentleman Brendan
Nobody is surprised when it's naisha
Ramb$ne Gracie with Scythe
"You know how this Ghaulians are"
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
The whale is showing him a lesbian video and he's thinking he's under attack
gellaho, Town Tamer
Syntheleather
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
It smites his eyes
gellaho, Town Tamer
I don't know why that middle "e" is in there
Ramb$ne Gracie with Scythe
I mean I was kinda joking when I made a comment about fictional prejudices, but dang
gellaho, Town Tamer
Was synthleather too passe?
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
We don't need a history lesson on a uniform!
gellaho, Town Tamer
Was Robert the oldest man on Earth when he wrote this?
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
That's it. Rob is the time traveler!
gellaho, Town Tamer
Oh, OK, that makes sense
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
ohhh
yeah, still go fuck yourself, Rob
gellaho, Town Tamer
Well, this is officially the weirdest way the redhead has been introduced, but ☑️
Gentleman Brendan
Full dress uniforms to ride a brain-damaged whale into a black hole.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Wow, hot image, Rob. She just finish taking a dump, too?
gellaho, Town Tamer
I have no idea what is going on
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Aren't there only seven women?
Gentleman Brendan
The brazenness of these ghauls
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
I don't get why they aren't murdering him
Ramb$ne Gracie with Scythe
What kind of dream is this?
Gentleman Brendan
scuse me ghaul**
LyraV
I'm starting to suspect that Rob may not have the highest opinion of women.
gellaho, Town Tamer
Sounds like the Furies need a bath
Gentleman Brendan
Every single woman in this series is oversexed and/or oversexualized and this dude isn't retiring to enjoy any of them.
gellaho, Town Tamer
There are seven women rulers
Gentleman Brendan
I wrote the above even before reading that they were gonna snoo-snoo him.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Nice of the Furies to let him choose if he wants to die by sex or violence
gellaho, Town Tamer
This is the most female representation I've had in any of these books. Other than Starfinder, there's only been two other men
And one was a surgeon who didn't get a name
One opens the back, ifyouknowwhatimean
Ramb$ne Gracie with Scythe
Zuh? I honestly don't know.
Gentleman Brendan
And yet...Gloria Wish has had half the (male) starfleet
You have to admire the full-forward dive of old-school sci-fi
gellaho, Town Tamer
We are combining too many things
Gentleman Brendan
"Yeah, this guy was blinded by radiation but he got better, and after he had sex with all seven women in the universe he rode a bomb-lobotomized spacewhale into hell's back door."
It's called "Star-Jellies of Tacyrinthia."
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Wait, they're actually The Furies?
what...
I
gellaho, Town Tamer
Because he's in the space-time continuum, I guess he can manifest things with his brain
This would have been good information to give before he pseudo-killed that lady
Gentleman Brendan
What does a man manifest when he's oversexed by alien love goddesses? Three women who pursue him relentlessly and speak only in spite.
Now he's being tried by the gods and telling them they're not worthy to judge him.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Women: They Want To Be Sex Objects To Victimize Men
Gentleman Brendan
Oh boohoo
gellaho, Town Tamer
I know Brendan wants to be fucked to death
Gentleman Brendan
You can absolutely kill me at 40 to spare me a life of whale-murder and universal entropy in exchange for snoo-snoo VS angels, and I'm already 41.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Who doesn't?
gellaho, Town Tamer
I hate poetry
John
That is extremely bad poetry, too.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Getting creative writing class flashbacks
gellaho, Town Tamer
If these whales can only communicate through bad poetry and acsii art, I'm fine with them dying
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Oneness = SO BIG!
John
I remember in 6th grade we had a poetry month. Just a bunch of 12 year olds who just discovered jerking off trying to come across as deep.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
That sounds like hell
Actual hell
John
It gets better. The teacher had us grade each other's work because she realized she didn't want to have to read our shit.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
hahahaha
John
And I have always regretted grading whoever's I got low.
I graded it on "this sucks," not whether it followed the rules.
Supernaught
Now that is brilliance.
gellaho, Town Tamer
So this is how he convinces the whale to surface so the Furies will go away
gellaho, Town Tamer
I don't get it either
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
That's not how court works
John
"Where is my other pom-pom?"
gellaho, Town Tamer
It's the third planet, dipshit
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Loft, Planet of the Stuck Key
John
All the asterisks just make it look like an exasperated editor had to censor a bunch of slurs.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
I just got here but I'm getting the impression I'm no closer to understanding this than anyone else.
gellaho, Town Tamer
Sure, why not
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Welcome, GDC. You'll hate this
Dammit, Starfinder, hug the whale
gellaho, Town Tamer
Uh oh, watch out NASA
John
"Where the fuck is Annie Sullivan when I need her?"
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
That glyph means he tore the page out of the binder too quickly
gellaho, Town Tamer
Wow.
John
Oh fuck you.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
This is the thought process of someone that makes bad point-and-click adventure games
gellaho, Town Tamer
StarHawk
John
A page of his rough draft got mixed in somehow.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Fuck yeah, StarHawk!
John
As bad as this sucks, you just know this guy thought he was a genius and tweaked this story until it only made sense to himself.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
It took him eleven years!
He had time to think about this!
John
According to James Joyce, that means it should take 11 years to read.
Supernaught
By this point I'm tempted to think he finished the book in a couple years, actually did give it to someone to read, and they said, "Yeah, makes sense."
And he considered that a problem.
John
Joyce was pissed that people read Finnegan's Wake in less time than it took him to write.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Well, joke's on Joyce. Most people will never read it
Supernaught
"If a mere troglodyte like you, Hypothetical Proof-Reader, can understand my magnum opus, it is not yet complete. It is not above you, yet."
John
I think we should, but we have a wrong answers only rule for figuring out what's going on.
gellaho, Town Tamer
Their death is pretty hilarious
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Dying and floating away like the grain bits in a finished bowl of Lucky Charms
John
"Posthumously trying to cushion contact" bothers me more than it should.
It's a good visual, but why do the corpses have agency?
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Because they are evil women that wanted to sex the innocent man
John
Then talk about how they boobily cushioned their impact against the ship.
gellaho, Town Tamer
He brings one of them through the sphincter tube into the reefer cabinet
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
oh god, it's becoming Gerald's Game
Gentleman Brendan
Hey, you can't say Milton! Only poets can say Milton!
...dammit, markup.
gellaho, Town Tamer
I don't think the fission reproduction is why it doesn't understand falling in love with a dead woman
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
This is what Interstellar kept threatening to turn into
Gentleman Brendan
Why did he go with the whale that he hates?
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Whale = friend
John
I'm not a genius like this guy, but how could you reproduce by fission without being your own offspring?
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
or something
gellaho, Town Tamer
It's the damnnest thing when you try to stop an accident but end up causing it
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
This isn't creepy at all
John
O
((*-|-)) = Whale
/\
dammit, you can't have leading whitespace on the first line.
gellaho, Town Tamer
Nevermind that pointless diversion, Lincoln time
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
hahaha
"President Lincoln Sick Of Time Travelers" - The Onion
LyraV
speaking of dead members
gellaho, Town Tamer
Starfinder is surprised that he is not pumped about historical executions
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
This makes perfect sense. Remember all the whales at those moments?
Gentleman Brendan
I want the time-travel book where nobody cares about the civil strife in a blip empire, but like...Dave, who accidentally planted the Jade Forest, is the real tourism sight.
John
Aren't you paying attention. History is all a lie.
Gentleman Brendan
And yet Anglo-American history is all anybody in 3114 cares about.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
He crossed time and space to focus solely on America, as God intended in His infinite wisdom
gellaho, Town Tamer
Unlike watching the planting of a tree, yeah
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
lol, dangit, scooped
Supernaught
He keeps going to sites where big speeches and dramatic battles happened and thinks "It's all hype"?!
Gentleman Brendan
Like i'd definitely go check out Hannibal...but that's because I like Hannibal. I feel the Epcot Center would be Caesar.
Supernaught
You're the one going to the basic bitch time periods, my guy.
Gentleman Brendan
And in neither case would I say, "Here it is, whale. The foundation of all Earth's sub-planets' history."
John
It's like any reference in fiction set in the far future. 2 things from 20th century America and a third wacky thing from 2450.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
We're also ignoring that apparently Greek mythology is historical fact
Like, he just proved the Greek gods are real
Those were the actual Furies
Gentleman Brendan
The Orville Problem
gellaho, Town Tamer
I mean, not exactly real. They were products of his mind
John
You misspelled "Seth McFarlane can't act."
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
oh dang, right
Gentleman Brendan
My favorite thing about Star Trek is somebody thought Kirk should have a threesome to show what a badass he is, and he impresses green women with The Black Keys.
gellaho, Town Tamer
I'm skipping over the part about Jesus not being real, because whatever. He's just grinding axes at this point
Gentleman Brendan
Like The Black Keys are unequivocally fuck music, but imagine if I shot you a sly grin, and then put on some Salieri.
gellaho, Town Tamer
Starfinder drunkenly thinks about the end of time
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Wooo! Surf the whale!
John
Jesus: Fake
Quotes he apparently holds dear: Fake
Medusa: Real and thirsty as fuck
Learning there's a hang ten emote makes me happier than you realize.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
The ascii pictures are growing on me just because it feels like this idiot is riding a star god that wants to show him doodles
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Ooooooooo???
I didn't know space whales spoke ghost
gellaho, Town Tamer
At the end of time, we enter the cosmic freak out portion of the book
Gentleman Brendan
DEVS
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
My god, it's full of bullshit
gellaho, Town Tamer
Fuck man, I don't know
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
I liked this scene better in 2001.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Is this a math textbook?
I feel like we're reading the longest word problem
John
This dumbass keeps asking complicated questions who only answers in Etch-a-Sketch drawings.
gellaho, Town Tamer
Well, that was pointless. Bye!
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
It's an engineering textbook. Calculate the moment of force on the space surfer attached to the roof of the house.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Time-surf's up, whale amigo!
Mo's Over, Synergy
I'm just checking in occasionally as usual, are they talking to a ZX Spectrum?
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Space whale
It communicates in ascii pictures
gellaho, Town Tamer
Now, star eel attack!
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
The space whale says 8==D
John
Obviously.
I mean, if you didn't get that, and I definitely did, you're just a dummy.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Or you could look and see the eels rather than spend an hour decoding this
gellaho, Town Tamer
This sounds about as much like an eel as the Spacewhale sounds like a whale
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
"Shake it off!" our hero commands the titanic space monster being attacked by parasites
gellaho, Town Tamer
You suck, Spacewhale
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
ooooooo...
gellaho, Town Tamer
Gasp
John
That's just good writing.
How is it alive? Ignore the other identical thing that is also alive.
gellaho, Town Tamer
I'm guessing this will end well
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Gross
"Please don't mind the corpse. She's the woman I love."
John
goddammit
Gentleman Brendan
It's so weird to get a whole book of erudite star-shaman musing, and then "The whale has been attacked by a star eel!"
gellaho, Town Tamer
Impressive that the thirteen year old can steal and pilot this space eel
John
Just seeing "beginning of breasts" makes me certain I have to go register somewhere.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Pasha. Because Ishmael Pasha. Because Ishmael. Because fuck you
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
You could have just as easily not mentioned the child's breasts.
gellaho, Town Tamer
This kid sounds annoying
Gentleman Brendan
How else to tell readers she is not a girl, not yet a woman? She has not known the tender throttling of her 1?
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
"Kid, let me rephrase the question: Do you have food?"
John
You must not have seen as many of these books as I thought. They all are uncomfortably horny for minors.
gellaho, Town Tamer
"Starfinder," Starfinder says.
Gentleman Brendan
Did America genocide the rest of the planet before taking to space or something?
gellaho, Town Tamer
I don't think I really need a complete history of this universe
LyraV
The Fates have it in for him? The ones he killed in space?
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Furies. Fates are a different set of women that will likely die horny for him
Gentleman Brendan
Women are like big-breasted space lovers: they come in threes and are busty women.
LyraV
If it's a woman is space, Starfinder can kill them
gellaho, Town Tamer
The space eel engages tentacle protocols
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
A teenage girl with a tentacle monster is not what I'd expect from Rob
Though I'm at a loss to explain why
John
He's absolutely had passionate debates with people about "censorship" in hentai.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
And he died in 1986, when that shit took work
Pixellation had to be drawn by hand
John
He hung out at the saddest stall at the filthiest flea market in Michigan.
gellaho, Town Tamer
The whale gets tired of this space eel's shit
Dolphin cop Thrillho
Keep away from my stall!
gellaho, Town Tamer
Technically the tentacles are cables that are used to control the space eel. That doesn't really explain why the space eel can move them around, but whatever
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Nice job, Starfinder. Your pet killed the girl's pet.
gellaho, Town Tamer
Nah, that was all the whale
I mean, it was dying and the eel was leeching off it
Almost like it should have been called a space leech
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Or space remora
gellaho, Town Tamer
The Spacewhale attempts the lamest apology possible
John
This asshole uses "haecceity" but doesn't know the difference between eel and leech.
I reiterate. Fuck you, dude.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
It means the whale's going to cut his dick off and make him a woman.
gellaho, Town Tamer
Aw, isn't that cute
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
dawww
gellaho, Town Tamer
I should attempt to explain who John Barleycorn is
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
wait, "Therapy only the whale can provide..."?
Supernaught
"Cold sober"?! You drank two gins with roofies earlier, Starman!
gellaho, Town Tamer
So he's had weird visions that have been causing his madness and psychosis. He originally called them the Monk, but when he started drinking he started calling it John Barleycorn
John
He'll draw her so many pictures.
gellaho, Town Tamer
I think?
John
Her fridge will be full of them.
gellaho, Town Tamer
So, I guess him taking deciding care of a child is his penance for being a dickhead
maybe
I don't know
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
That or "John Barleycorn" is what he calls it when the whale shits
John
I liked John Redcorn better, anyway.
gellaho, Town Tamer
But what I do know, is I'm about 112 pages into this 205 page book. So this seems like a good place to stop for now