Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
It's more fun to fuck with the meat bags.
64: Psi-Man: Haven David Peters
#6 Psi-Man
Tags:
The shocking conclusion of the electrifying series! The ultimate mind-force warrior faces his final battle...
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Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Peter david is using dialog that was meant for Data in one of his star trek books, but the editor rejected
gellaho
Chuck Simon: Nude Amnesiac
Gentleman Brendan
It's always like talking to a passive-aggressive medieval feudal lord.
Rachel, Swamp Philosopher
Alexa could you make your sentences way more clunky?
Gentleman Brendan
I am unable to apply that command to my central data processor at this juncture.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Meanwhile, real AI would just be spewing out memes and moonspeak
LyraV
It really changes the scene when you consider he's been hog out the whole time.
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Notices nudity for the first time "OH WHAT IS THAT THING THERE? ITS SO FLOPPY!"
Gentleman Brendan
Chuck lifted the head of his penis with telekinesis, pumping blood through his turgening turgidity
"Look at that, baby, ready to go again five minutes later," he smirked.
"LIES!" she scoffed.
gellaho
Alex considers a sex crime
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
"OH HOLY SHIT LOOK AT WHAT IT CAN DO! What did you call this? Pissing? CAN EVERYONE DO THIS?!"
Gentleman Brendan
Why wouldn't he remember it?
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
When your Russian secret squirrel is more moral than James Bond.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Peter David operates on that belief that pretty people are always appealing, even when they smell like dumpster juice
gellaho
"You desperately want to return to your former glamorous life"
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
I keep forgetting he was a gym teacher
Gentleman Brendan
A quiet warrior poet who wanted merely to do TK pushups and give women pleasure they had never before known.
"He is forceful like a man, but attentive and considerate to my unspoken thoughts like a woman..."
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
"Notable in that it didnt work for anyone without psychic powers, which you do have."
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
"Also, you killed a child. But he was evil, so it's fine."
Gentleman Brendan
What are you going to do with your unique gift?
I dunno, teach gym at a stripmall
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
"Also you're a nerd with a Nazi dog, I dunno where the dog got off to."
gellaho
We're going to do this exact same thing again, huh
gellaho
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
His stench stopped it
Rachel, Swamp Philosopher
don't say "dog" and "got off" you'll summon djonin
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
He deffo needs a second shower, now he just smells like wet garbage
gellaho
Festive
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
There's a colony of mites in his beard that are approaching a Renaissance
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
OH SO NOW PETER DAVID WANTS ME TO NOT LIKE THE CYCLE SLUTS?!
Rachel, Swamp Philosopher
finally, characters I can relate to
gellaho
Fun
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Cycle Sluts were great before they went all Christian Folk
public jakesy no. 1
Now they're just called The Cycles
Rachel, Swamp Philosopher
Wellp I sure hate that
Gentleman Brendan
What was her plan if she accidentally manslaughtered the one-of-a-kind hope for humanity?
gellaho
The Cycle Sluts lose a fight to a car
Rachel, Swamp Philosopher
queer villains? unprecedented
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Wait are the cycle sluts and the one with the slur rival gangs are or we just being gross?
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Yeah. Women gangs don't have any reason to rape. So I'm sure they'd just leave you alone and not slice open your neck and pull your tongue through the opening
public jakesy no. 1
Is this repressed anger at homosexuality linked to an event that happened to Peter David in high school?
Let's consult the charts!
Gentleman Brendan
This is such an '80s work where it has a melange of sci-fi concepts but all anybody can think to do is bum around and hang out.
public jakesy no. 1
Gentleman Brendan
KITT + Firestarter + that one Dean Koontz novel + Kung Fu: The Legend Continues
gellaho
Wave goodbye to the Cycle Sluts
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
I always have to
Rachel, Swamp Philosopher
bye sexy rapist stereotypes
thanks for showing up for this very necessary scene
gellaho
And say hello to Peter David referencing his own work
Gentleman Brendan
So it's a Psy-Man you're looking to catch, eh?
I'll get you your Psy-Man. :Quint crushed his can of Narragansett and tossed it into space:
LyraV
Eventually, maybe?
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
"there was no TV, but thankfully star trek tie-in novels were still being sold"
gellaho
Spies love Star Trek
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
I feel nervous, but I also can't shake the feeling this character won't live up to his potential
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Federation's Fall is absolutely a rejected pitch that David Peters made.
public jakesy no. 1
Also of note in Peter's biography, bicycles and rape appear in the same story on consecutive pages
public jakesy no. 1
Really makes you think
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
I hope he just cursed a blue streak when they announced DS9
Gentleman Brendan
Some would argue DS9 was indeed the federation's fall
LyraV
Odo was dope as fuck.
gellaho
Just a truly annoying way to write dialog
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Only the fall in that everything after failed to live up to it
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Aw yeah my man Sex Bucket
Rachel, Swamp Philosopher
maybe I should put all my traumas into a terrible novel, seems cathartic
Gentleman Brendan
It takes a certain hubris to write a biography.
Like even if things have actually happened to you, to say "Others must know of, and learn from, this."
gellaho
Check off the redhead box
Gentleman Brendan
BOOOOOOO
Redhead season doesn't start till October
gellaho
"Bullet needle"
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Typical Soviet spies, gunning down our American redheads in broad daylight.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Terwilliger, of the East London Terwilligers
Rachel, Swamp Philosopher
those anachronistic bastards!
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
"But the bullet needle gored out his eye."
"Heart failure"
gellaho
The Complex is teaming up with the USSR
Gentleman Brendan
aren't they both NWO?
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Sure. That might as well happen
Gentleman Brendan
Are we sure the VP is dead? Maybe he disguised himself as the explosion and walked out of there.
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
If this were a musical I'd want them to follow up this part with Hawkwind's "Needle Gun" and have Korsakov do a hip thrusting dance to it.
Gentleman Brendan
He could be ANY character now.
Indeed...anyone, even...a...reader.
gellaho
Meanwhile, Googie enters the ol' Pier Vault
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
I remember that Fallout dungeon
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
ENTER! The Vault of the Forsaken!
Their DM is a little overdramatic.
gellaho
Well, that is unexpected
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
But their party gets a dog.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
An entire paragraph to open a door
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
That is the worst name
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Horny the Gollum
public jakesy no. 1
Wait the guys name is Horny
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Toad man named "Horny" is just.........
LyraV
Horny is on first
Rachel, Swamp Philosopher
who's Steve Jobs?
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Horny and Googie sounds like a 60's husband and wife music act.
They do a great cover of Muskrat Love.
gellaho
Nobody wants the gross toadboy
Gentleman Brendan
The longer this goes on the more I'm convinced this is an actual toad and Googie's the crazy one.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
I started off believing Googie was an intelligent rat, so this is just going full Wind in the Willows for me
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
When you have toad face, its hard to not look at people funny tho, give poor Toad Lad a break.
public jakesy no. 1
They were better as Horny, Googie, Nash, & Young
Gentleman Brendan
Hahaha wait, this mummy is eighteen?
Rachel, Swamp Philosopher
I have to disappear again, someone @ me if there's more gay hate crime characters
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Take care!
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Have fun.
gellaho
Rommel was smelling women in previous books, so this is a little hypocritical
public jakesy no. 1
Hahaha
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
lol
public jakesy no. 1
Was this written during Peter's softcore porn days
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
"ONLY I, THE GLORIOUS TANK COMMANDER OF THE REICH MAY HUFF HER SHOES!"
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
So all it took to win Rommel's loyalty was letting him kill people
gellaho
I'm guessing Marvel rejected his X-men material
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
And in the book!
public jakesy no. 1
"Enjoy the play of her firm, hard ass" is maximum creepy uncle vibes
gellaho
These were his Photon days
Gentleman Brendan
Sounds like she was fully correct.
If not fully erect.
public jakesy no. 1
I can smell the Pontiac Thunderbird coming off that sentence
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
And we know those didn't end with anything weird or sexual
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Shipping Googie x Figurine.
gellaho
This psychic sanctuary Chuck was told about seems like kind of a shit show
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
hashtagPleasegodnoRommel
Man Figurine must have some gnarled talons then if shes been walking around post apocalyptic New York barefoot.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Are we sure Peter David didn't outsource this part to Chuck Austen?
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
The bottoms of her feet aren't invisible at all.
gellaho
Peter has completely forgotten that the premise was "psychics"
Gentleman Brendan
No weird religious vibes, so yeah.
He's just doing the Morlocks all the way down.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Should we place bets on whether Rootle Bootle kills all these people or Peter David forgets about them?
gellaho
The Magistrate is reading Moby Dick. I'm sure that won't be at all related to the plot
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Man these people need a better naming convention, some get names like Googie and others get X-Men code names like Figurine, and others just get appearance based insults like Horny Toad or Four Eyes.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
"In fact, he's dead. No, I'm not rewriting this."
gellaho
Haven: A real freakshow
Gentleman Brendan
Four Eyes is just hanging in there until he gets upgraded to Great Chef
Too bad there aren't ratdogs with guns to save the rats.
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Rat based augury was proven inaccurate in the 60s, real divinations should be using crystals or tortoise shells.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
"They referred to her as a name I'm not going to capitalize because fuck you reader"
gellaho
Well, I guess these weirdos did that to Chuck
Gentleman Brendan
no it was all lowercase. She used to be Prince.
gellaho
Hey, there, Peter. You step out of Simon Hawke's territory
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
yeah I guess I'd come back for my psychic Nazi dog.
LyraV
Thanks Morpheus
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Someone should tell this purple goober that fatalism is annoying in a leader.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
He doesn't have to be a nazi! The quaker named him after a nazi!
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Not to mention if the future is set theres no point preparing for anything because its going to happen regardless so you are already as prepared as you are going to ever be.
gellaho
Such economy of motion
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
He was originally called Subject 666, which is dumber but less problematic!
Gentleman Brendan
The divine seer says you have to give up your dog is really provoking me to defy the fates.
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
"Fuck that rat gutter, I'm keeping this rad dog."
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Yeah. I'd go full Kratos on the fates if I had to give up any of my dogs when I was a kid
public jakesy no. 1
Absolute
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
You'd think tho they'd have just killed him with a rock after mindwiping him tho.
You might as well, you've already basically killed him in spirit.
gellaho
Well, of course you have to trade sex to make a man brain dead. For a dog
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Chuck was always a dweeb. They just took away his guilt and memories of dodgeball
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
I thought that pet shelter was lying to me
gellaho
Meanwhile: Memory Prisms
Gentleman Brendan
AITA if I pay for a stranger's involuntary lobotomy with sexual extortion?
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
does the fucking come with shots and neutering?
Cos thats real important when you adopt a pet.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Yes. A shot of whiskey and some garden shears that have never been washed
oh, for the pet
gellaho
Of course, the key to remembering is his Nazi dog
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Yes he would have, Chuck
He hated you
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
The thing is you cant trust a dog named after Rommel, he will probably be in on a bomb plot to kill you.
Gentleman Brendan
He scorned you.
gellaho
"God, there were so many freaks!"
Gentleman Brendan
Never forget Rommel swap-evicted Chuck from his own mind while they were both boning and made their mental tips touch.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
I don't think we can forget that
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
"Yeah yeah collective power of one mindfucker, an invisible girl, a thirsty motherfuckin toad, and a hot stinky girl."
gellaho
Wave hello to the Cycle Sluts
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
"They were all so...distinct enough to avoid a copywrite lawsuit"
I hope they're talking about a pot roast
gellaho
Hidebound
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
I hear an awesome guitar riff every time I see the words "Cycle Sluts"
LyraV
@Rachel, Swamp Philosopher they're back, the Cycle Sluts
gellaho
Mu has a bold strategy
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
I was just told I'd go blind
gellaho
Surprising that the crotch grab was ineffective
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
ew, matted hair
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
This is not how handjobs usually go, but okay.
Ozzie
Psionic dick defense number 22
gellaho
I had to read this so many times to figure out these commas
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
You'd think his Mind Fortress would activate BEFORE his dick got mangled.
But then D&D never really got the hang of psionics.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Peter David forgot how periods work
gellaho
Wave goodbye to the Cycle Sluts
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Fallen Mu was their last worthwhile album
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Now they can't even get a gig opening for Pussy Riot.
Gentleman Brendan
Maybe YOURS don't
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
It's true, I'm not psychic so maybe that's whats supposed to happen.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
This publisher wouldn't spring for the μ character
gellaho
This is sometime earlier, but not earlier than the earlier "sometime earlier"
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
That's because Rommel killed her
Ozzie
Scooped me, I couldn't figure out how to get my phone to do that symbol.
Gentleman Brendan
Reuel Beuel, I declare you fit for deuel duty!
LyraV
I saw Fabio and now he looks like Fabio in my head, Dr. Martin Fabio
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
I'm on board with this
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Man I would like this book so much more if in 1992 it predicted a Russian punk band\activist group.
LyraV
I keep various pictures of him around to inspire me, like everyone else
Gentleman Brendan
hellot it ma our doctor Fabio yu are healthy oka now off to home it me fabio
gellaho
"You've been RoboCop'd, Reuel"
Gentleman Brendan
Really amazed Pussy Riot is still alive. Like they had my respect, now they have my awe.
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Rootle Bootle is slow on the uptake.
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Right? They've done time like twice, in RUSSIAN prisons.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Please have a scene of Reuel going through TSA
gellaho
So, does he have a nose or not?
Gentleman Brendan
Peter's gonna Wold Newton this series before it dies.
Didn't I say he was evil Steele??
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
"I AM A MONSTER!" "Well you were already a psychic assassin working for Not Walt Disney......"
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
No nose. Just a nose.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
But then how does he smell?
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
A lil smellin nubbin.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Terrible!
Gentleman Brendan
They Red Skulled him!
Gentleman Brendan
But still better than Chuck does
gellaho
See, that's what separates the cyborgs and Steele
gellaho
Need the dong
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Told you. Hair OR genitals. Not both.
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
"MY DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK! CURSE YOU FICKLE FATE!"
But just wait until they show him the upgrade path he can use if he collects enough scrap. Double jump AND a dick.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Reuel is a pay to win asshole, no question
gellaho
Nooo, not the ice water!
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
He buys the $99.99 gem packs.
Gentleman Brendan
That'll teach you to save my life with expensive, cutting-edge cybernetics.
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
NOOOO now how will the unethical doctors quench their thirst while defying God?!
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Fat chance of insurance covering this visit
gellaho
No more murder boners
Gentleman Brendan
Say it with me
No real human penis = No longer human
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH so thats what Deus Ex: Mankind Divided was about!
Gentleman Brendan
by the by, we have resumed reading Steele, and we make it about six pages before I pass out one night a week...and at page 127 it's STILL just pontificating on the same conversation about whether he's a man or not.
But cripes, at least his dick works.
...you know, if you took these out of the context of the Hawke Steeleverse it just looks like hatespeech.
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
I'd have consoled myself with a sweet robo dick that looks like it was made by a PC gamer with too much money.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Steele is the best cyborg, but I still like Reutel more than Tracker
Gentleman Brendan
If you have TK and an indestructible robo-bod, why even fuck?
You have worlds to run.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Still need something to do during firmware updates
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
I assume you'd need something to keep occupied until you confront your nameless grandson in a duel to the death that keeps the cosmic flea distracted until you can destroy it.
Metabarons is wild, y'all.
Gentleman Brendan
The humanoids series?
gellaho
Sometime later, Chuck has remembered how to be a huge baby
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
It's a comic series written by Alejandro Jodorowsky, its a bit like if a peyote fueled shaman read half of Dune and thought "What if I did this, but also more peyote."
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
"The sex wasn't that bad, was it?"
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Sounds like Chuck needs to reaffirm his walk with Christ.
gellaho
Alex finds this tantrum super hot
Gentleman Brendan
Nobody likes a psy-baby
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Sand: The Best Place for Sex
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Dirty sand no less.
Nasty filthy sex sand.
Gentleman Brendan
This sand is just SOAKED with petroleum.
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
And now cum.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
And tears, because Chuck is a baby
gellaho
And I guess they were fucking right in front of the entrance?
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
And some of Alex's because regret.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
"Hey, you two can keep fucking, if you want. We don't mind!"
gellaho
The Cycle Sluts episode of ER was weird
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
"Oh yeah we were too busy getting sand in my vag for me to remember, I found traces of your dog. Maybe. It could just also be a random dog."
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Magoo? There's a near-sighted old man among the Cycle Sluts?
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Okay now I refuse to believe Mr. Magoo is still relevant to gang members in 2022 IN REAL LIFE.
Let alone this fictional construct.
Rachel, Swamp Philosopher
Good?
gellaho
What a coincidence, this doctor is a brother of the dead doctor
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
There are still emergency rooms, but no cops
I guess when tweakers get brought in, they go by the honor system
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
They've had character development! Their leader is named Mu, pronounced "Mew" and presumably she will end a sentence with "Nyaaaan, senpai!"
Rachel, Swamp Philosopher
I flipped through and saw some trading sex for lobotomizing a dear friend so everything's normal
gellaho
And the doctor's nurse is a Russian spy. This is some top notch stuff
Gentleman Brendan
Also Beutel is now Robocop with TK
Rachel, Swamp Philosopher
... I have a therapy appointment Tuesday and now it will be devoted to deciphering how I feel about this
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Small world
Rachel, Swamp Philosopher
you know what I love about this book? the elegant simplicity of the plot
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Man I don't know how youd explain this to someone who wasn't here.
Gentleman Brendan
Russians spreading disinformation? What kind of nightmare 2022 is this?