gellaho
Ninja wizard
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Ninja wizard
"Would you like to buy a chinchilla?"
LIIIIPS
MOISTENED!
Yes!
"It certainly looks like necromancy. Just look at the scorch marks and the blunt trauma."
"Huh this reminds me of my student Kanno, he was always a creepy little pervert who thought he was hiding his power boner."
Ah, more characters
"Dumbass thought I was teaching him for twenty years"
Gotta get the mob involved, sure
The...what?
Simon........you know that the boss of a Yakuza isnt called "Don", right?
And there's not one Yakuza body
Hey, I'm lazy. Can you guys take care of this?
Simon, you lectured us for an entire chapter once on how to make copper pipes. What's wrong with you?
I'm all in favor of people using less unnecessary Japanese loan words
I have to tell you, it seems like every one of those books, Wyrdrune exists in a completely different novel.
Instead use an Italian loan word.
Hawke didn't learn the lesson Pratchett did that just because you introduce characters in one book doesn't mean they have to be in every one that follows
Wyrdrune and Kira and Merlin and Modred are And The Rest
Get Larry Fishburne on it!
"Yeah I dont really LIKE using him, he keeps offering me a choice of red and blue pills that will "wake me up" or "let me stay asleep." and its just so creepy."
I don't know what you think you know about this mage, but some authorities consider him the most dangerous necromancer alive.
"Plus he dresses like a total dork."
That reminds me, I should watch Sandman after we're done here.
Meanwhile: Pirate calls a little computer a badass
Also if Morpheus isnt a dream wizard Simon needs to return his Writing Permit and his Oxford Allusion Dictionary.
I interviewed at General Regulardynamics when I first graduated.
Specific Hyperdynamics is where they make Tomb Raider games in the future.
I feel like you guys should check the news
Or they should just contact you, given that you've dealt with this before
Not get the yakuza and an old man involved
I mean you DONT know what she's doing, or you would have found her before now.
You know what she WANTs, but that is different.
Can I say I appreciate this book has so far less sewer fucking than the previous one?
You ARE powerless to stop her. You've wandered around for at least four books while other people have kicked her minions' asses
And to be fair her minions aren't that formidable.
Plus, book one showed us that the thing even the strongest mage is weak to is Gun. This is all window dressing now.
This was only mentioned in the last book, but I literally don't remember when it started
Either Simon forgot to write it, or I was too drunk reading the previous books
Either's possible
Can't blame her. Modred's a clear step up from Wyrdrune
He has silk jammies.
Ah, magic gem love
Okay, Simon, we get it. Mage threeway
Oh, I forgot
Morpheus is Modred
ah, right on
Wizard polyamorous triads always end in heartbreak. And arson.
That's like his assassin name
I was more on point with that dig about his dressing than I knew.
Did I remember because the book brought it up? I'll never tell
Tokyo Grifting
Tokyo Necromancer is a very underrated PS2 title
Not gonna lie I would play a game called Tokyo Necromancer.
Shut up, dad
I can see that in my minds eye and its a tactical JRPG like Disgaea with romance subplots and plucky Tokyo teens.
"Because I'm a professional"
Kobayashi the prostitute sounds like they can inhale a ton of hot dogs
"You wanna be paid in computer parts? Alright, nerd"
"Also, a dump truck filled with Pocky"
"Suck it, Lancelot"
ACtually Kobayashi is a Yakuza boss so he probably has a contact he can just ASK who will provide whatever computer shit he needs.
So fuck off Merlin.
Judgemental old fart.
Jesus, Akiro, get it together
Akiro calls phone sex operators just to have someone listen to him cry
"Oh mew hew hew, teleportation is soooo hard, if the press gets up here I wont have the stamina to keep from just busting all over my own office as they make fun of my stupid tiny penis and balding head."
Uh oh, Akiro
Now Kanno's 20-year long con to become a police informant
Welp. Akiro's days of farming the press for SCH material are over.
"Why are you taking your pants off, Kanno?"
"Don't lick your lips when you talk about the body, Kanno"
I feel a MOISTENED coming up.
"I'd say it comes from a dragon, possibly tattooic in origin. Uh, don't look at my back"
Yeah WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE?
"Trust me, I'm a necromancer. I know reptiles."
"It probably lives on my, uh, their back"
Sure, just throw shade at sharks for not having arms. Dick.
Six foot serpents that fly arent naturally occuring?! WHAT?!
"Someone as skilled as me, but definitely not me"
"Werewolf"
again: sleepless, but this plot makes no sense
I get everyone's starting point
I just don't see any development. Only conversations.
WEREDRAGON?!
I'm not far from where you are, Brendan. So far it's a lot of events that just seem to happen
"BUT, AGAIN, IT'S NOT ME"
Also both a small amount of applause and a hearty "fuck off" for "thaumagenetically engineered", Simon.
Kanno leaves just as Akiro gets the fax with Kaiser Soze's face printed on it
"And I only implicated myself twice. Perfect plan"
"Why are you saying all that out loud, Kanno?"
"Excuse me, Kanno-san, but I believe you dropped your wavy knife with a skull pommel?"
Kanno's his own hottest pursuer.
"Oh thank you. I see you even wiped my sensei's blood off of it."
Tatterdemalion! My old friend
GOR
Bill the Tatterdemalion
Crikey! 'E's et erry one of our scones, so 'e 'as!
Oi, blimey, 'e's gon' at tha' nosh like a right nutta!
"Suddenly, a dashing figure entered, brandishing a forbidden Science-Pistol! 'I'm here to solve all your problems,' murmured the newcomer. 'My name...is Rex Moran.' "
God if only.
I haven't given up hope Rex Moran will enter our world and fix everything.
What deterrent, the fictionbrane, to one such as Rex?
Sick burn on your dead mom
Akiro sighed. "Hello, Rex."
I would vote Rex Moran as president SO FUCKING HARD.
Kanno thinks this necromancy might be a little gross
Also Kira, you need to think, is this ageless assassin really going to have a lot of positive memories in general, let alone of positive female figures in his life?
This is why he isn't fucking you.
You know, a Rex Moran/Akiro buddy cop movie would kill
Kanno.......why are you even a necromancer?
Being dead isn't automatically a problem for everyone. Look at Keith Richards.
Like surely there are better ways to get wizard juice and you are squicked out by basic necromancer shit.
Can really see those nips through the velvet
"THE POWERS OF LIFE AND DEATH MERGE AND BLUR INTO SOMETHING ICKY"
Zombie prostitutes notoriously cant pour wine.
"The other leg ended in a gnarled hoof"
Might as well, I guess
So...is this necromancy?
Found the revenant that's going to kill Akiro after he thinks he's made his getaway.
Well....you could probably use forbidden magic to get a gun and shoot her in the face. That's probably a concern of hers.
Why waste magical energy when you can just order a gun by vacuum tube?
All you need is a trusting rich guy and a gun to coerce him.
Fugisawa suspects Kanno and tells the mob
That old Yakuza Don saying
You might wake up to a gift horse's head in your bed.
Horses should be the main mode of transport in a magical world, because horses are themselves magical, beautiful souls.
Some say angels? I am not making any such claims. Only that angels wish.
Write that horse head death haiku
"In Japan, we have a saying "forgeddaboudit."
I can't wait to meet yakuza member dead meat
Hard to believe that you are running on no sleep
Wyrdrune spends several pages worrying about Modred
It is necessary to remove the self to access the Unfolding in which all true comedy occurs.
In some ways, I, too, am a weird rune, children.
'holding something back' is how he interprets 'bored'.
For a second I thought Wyrdrune and Modred had cast aside their inhibitions and made passionate love and no..,,,,,
Classic boner headache. You fellas know what I'm talking about
This is the wizard way of working up the courage to ask if he can put it in the butt
This was sweet.
Okay, different readings.
Wyrdrune needs some medication and a therapist.
"When that didn't work, Wyrdrune started punching her"
Modred actually does that to a child
The fact that Leslie takes a final swipe after the nun tells him to move on...
My dude this is why she is contemplating fucking someone else, every time she doesnt wake up instantly you body slam her.
Billy and Kira have a Force diad.
Modred woke Billy up by slapping him and not piledriving him. WYRDRUNE!
What a pleasant man
Modred is what Frank Hardy wishes he could be
Kanno: Murder Fuckboy
Kanno's kind of living the dream. Except for the murders
Kanno, you bitch and moan alot for a guy who is getting everything he wants.
"Quite accomplished boffing, madame"
"Oh this dark goddess just wants to fuck and breathe arcane power into my bones, its awful."
Oh, I see. He's unhappy because she won't use the whips
Kanno's getting a little inscrutable for my comfort.
Pay no attention to my crotch
"She does amazing things to my dick and butthole and it sucks."
Kanno's just imagining this while masturbating in the police station bathroom stall
Evil? If only there were some sign!
Wait.........this is a SHOCK to you, the Evil Wizard Kanno?!
Like.........what the fuck man?
The evil lady was secretly EVIL?!
Kanno may be a Necromancer, but he's a patriot.
Bone, indeed
Appropriate for Episode 69 of the cage, I would say
The girl with the dragon tattoo that she controlled on someone else's body.
nice.........
What if the IMMORTAL wouldn't die?
What did you study the past 20 years, Kanno?
Enjoy this list of blades
Tantos aren't for fighting. One star.
Okay fair is fair, kukri knives are fucking rad.
And fuck the British for not appreciating the Gurkhas enough.
Among other things.
This I can get behind.
They're describing my favorite store in the mall.
Wyrdrune is confused for a weeb
"Next to the tantos with the futuristic textured grips was a slushie machine and a display of cheap throwing stars."
The one with the dusty bat'leth behind the counter mounted and possibly framed.
I never thought "weeb" would sound better, but "Japanophile" sounds really gross
Modred's a little guy
Yeah pedophiles have really ruined the general use of -philia.
The insults hadn't been perfected in 1991
Really ruined the reputation of all the upstanding necrophiles
We just called them "Nerds" back then.
How we doing on progress through the book? We gonna be able to finish it tonight or is this going to be a two-parter?
You really want to prank the Yakuza
Page 114/214. I can usually skip a lot at the end. We'll see
He's cool with it
"May I offer you some panties?"
They're describing the ONLY store in the mall.
Akiro, Akiro, Akiro
Why can't I be like Kanno?
Akiro calls up the police tipline to confess every time he kills a spider
The anti-Morpheus, if you will.
At least Akiro's wife likes him
"Where he wept"
Mrs. Akiro LOVES a fat ass.
More characters! More Yakuza!
NISHI!
A son turning against his own father is even worse than human trafficking or using that warm towel at restaurants on your face
White people just GET Japan because they read Michael Crichton.
Anyway, those Yakuza are going to try to kill the Scooby Gang. I'm sure that won't get confusing
This is what every American thinks is being said when a bilingual person doesn't speak English
LIIIIPS
"Which two fingers?"
"Not yours."
"So, you are a free dirty cop?"
"It's just sex. I swear!"
Wakka wakka
Deadmeat 1 and 2
They knew if they crossed the Don that they'd be getting an offer they couldn't refuse upstate with the fishes cannoli best slice in town
Yeah, dead as fuck
RIP
Wings?
Kanno got a western dragon tattoo?
Post-collapse, dragons were real and it was revealed they all had wings.
Come on, this is basic stuff.
The sex did not seem to help Akiro
Akiro the constant buzzkill.
Eeyore Akiro
Men are never sadder than after sex.
Ah, Japanese Miles O'Brien
That explains a lot, really
Kanno done gone and fucked with the mob
"I'm in the mob, what do I care?"
It is weird how the yakuza seem to care about not involving civilians more than other mafia. Unless they owe money
Kanno's security sucks
They have teleportation now but they still fly planes?
Hey, he's a necromancer. Warding is...wait, what DID he learn from 20 years' study?
Teleportation is arduous or something in this world
Good to know Wyrdrune still sucks
Next, Wyrdrune lights some road flares for them to pin to their lapels
A flashlight would have been safer and less energy consumption.
Most people can't use magic
But noooooo collapsetech is verboten
But all planes are flown by magicians.
Planes can carry many people
And they're a lot less safe than regular planes.
Much like how I can fly in a plane without knowing how to pilot a plane
They could teleport the planes!
I'm sorry, I think I need to bow out. Nasty migraine is not going away. But thank you for the book read, @gellaho ! Great riffing everyone! Have a good night!
A loss for the world. Feel better.
If you die, I will send green orbs to your memorial.
Sorry to hear that, @FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer , feel better.
Thanks everybody. I'll be fine by tomorrow. Have a good one!
I look forward to reading the rest of this later!
The Yakuza show up to add some bodies
Say goodbye to the Yakuza
Brutal
And Billy has achieved his Knight Gorlois form
Did they have sex with the head?
You already know the answer in your heart.
Then he kills many zombies
Wheat, famous for turning into dying snakes.
Gor blimey, indeed
KNOWN for...this Alex Schmidt voice you're hearing.
Find out why necromancy is secretly, incredibly fascinRy'Neh P'tuah Gl'rugga Pf'tha
And all the Yakuza exploded
"Oh, geez," thought Akiro
He just felt tired, helpless, and really, really ugly.
This gives Akiro the power to solve the case and suit up
Our heroes spend a lot of time talking at a McDonald's
Little of incident occurs
He calls his gun the Compensator.
#thechauffeurdidntkillhimself
Akiro and the old mage finally catch up with the plot
The traitorous son dies
That's gonna disappoint Don Other Yakuza Guy
Ginza monster is kind of a lackluster name for a serial killer.
Especially a magic one.
Leila gonna make that there Mt Fuji erupt
Yakuza assassins take out the Don and the street cop
Having magicians is demonstrably worse than having technology.
One asshole is a bulletproof al-Qaeda