The Book Cage: Episode 103 - Spy High: Mission Two: Chaos Rising
Can it truly be The Year of Pain when we haven't even been back to Spy High yet? I say nay! This time, the team of dumbass teenage spies are after the Sherlock Shield. Has A.J. Butcher, British English teacher, learned anything about America since Mission One? In what new and interesting ways will these teens suck? And will any random Frankensteins show up again? Find out this Friday, 5pm eastern.
gellaho
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
That cover art is already a joke.
It's one edit away from being the "NO DADDY NO" meme.
FancyShark
I will have to miss this Friday's reading, but I look forward to seeing the chaos you all unleash on it. Fingers crossed the preppy "leader" gets killed in this one. And the "funny" one, too.
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
It's the year of pain, we aren't lucky enough for that
gellaho
I mean, it does get worse
FancyShark
hahaha, I forgot these covers. It's incredible he even sold enough for one sequel
gellaho
What could possibly be more important than a twenty year old book for children
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
Well this is just Michael Myers from the racial allegory planet on Star Trek.
FancyShark
Minnesota State Fair Hotdog Meetup (TM)!
i.e. Lethally fried foods
But I will try to drop in where I can, because these reads are always a highlight of the week
gellaho
The inside of this book reveals that the first book was called The Frankenstein Factory in it's native land.
Really gives away the shock son of Dr Frankenstein reveal in the second half
infinite tempest jakesy
The killer I mean teacher being named AJ Butcher is just too perfect
This is the detective in change, John Crimesolver
gellaho
Coming up on the next hour, it's Spy High: Mission Two: Chaos Rising. No preview to speak of, so instead "enjoy" the beginning of Chapter 1
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
Oh fuck me, now we have to wait sixty years from now til this shitshow starts rolling?
infinite tempest jakesy
Wait hold on what
How would that narrator know what happens 60 years from now
Poor writing from the first sentence, hooo boy
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
Listen: Billy Narrator has come unstuck in time.
gellaho
It's weird to establish the date in the second book
2063. Which I'm sure will make a lot of sense
infinite tempest jakesy
But also this guy from the past knows about it
Oh fuck is that going to be a thing, is there some shitty time travel mechanic
gellaho
I don't think so
But the last one involved a descendant of Dr Frankenstein, so who knows
Brendan
All that security and absolutely invaded their first book.
Ferroday Plays Both Sides
oh no
one of my worst discord hotdog fears realized
a book cage about a series I actually read as a kid
Ferroday Plays Both Sides
my only solace is that I only remember enough of spy high to recognize the page layout and font, I do not remember a single fucking thing about the actual content
gellaho
Let's see how you butcher this one, AJ
gellaho
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
Spy High is probably the state he was in when he wrote this shit.
infinite tempest jakesy
Part One: Bad CGI Karate
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
I like how one of the spy girls is just A posing.
gellaho
AJ Butcher, a British man, apparently thinks having constant football holograms is good camouflage for a spy school
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
Which football, AJ?
gellaho
That was in the last book, but he thought it was good enough to repeat
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Oh shit this is his version of "In the grim darkness of the far future, there is only war."
gellaho
Very inconspicuous
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
In the stale murkiness of the not too distant future, there is only soccer practice.
gellaho
No, this is just him learning what America is from Juicy Fruit commercials
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
I feel like giving even the most disciplined teen a full body taser suit is asking for trouble.
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
Spy High's Cybermen need work if they're going to sweep the cosplay competition at Comic Con this year.
gellaho
These teens are constantly sexually harassing each other, so it might be a necessity
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Literally everyone in the town knows about the secret spy training facility but pretends not to because it brings jobs.
gellaho
cybercradle
gellaho
But do they, you know, learn math?
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
if "cybercradle to cybergrave" doesnt appear in this book its going to be such a waste of potential.
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
Just like every adult out of the academic lifepath, spies never need math.
gellaho
The old school memorial to the dead
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
The child soldier memorial doesn't make the child soldiering much easier to swallow, AJ.
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Well.....the forces of evil and somewhat more evil, training an army of children to kill for the state isnt a GOOD thing, but we know what you mean, AJ.
gellaho
Really wish AJ would stop comparing these two to twins
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
And yet the dead kids don't number any more than enough holoprojectors you can fit comfortably at the end of one hallway
The Hall of Little Bitches is presumably much more crowded
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"They're what you might call "close".......AJ stop being coy, we know what they're up to.
gellaho
Sensitive as always, AJ
gellaho
✅ Redhead
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
Jesus, meeting that ginger quota early today.
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
I hope someday someone will tell aspiring authors to stop using the word "swarthy" as a general thing.
Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃
Dark, even swarthy!
What's the delineation there?
gellaho
Jake's from "The Midwest"
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
Oh right, he's from the biodome.
Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
The notoriously swarthy dome people of the Midwest, yes.
Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃
JUST ONCE can we have a redhead dude that isn't the class clown?
gellaho
Yes, the entire Midwest is covered in domes
Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃
Is it possible to have a brooding, sensitive ginger?
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
It's basically bubble wrap out there
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
You'll have to ask Javo, that's kind of his bag
gellaho
The American spy trophy is called the "Sherlock Shield"
gellaho
The famous American spy, Sherlock Holmes
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AJ clearly isnt from around here, we'd breathe the government cancer gas before we let them make us live in DOMES like fuckin moon communists.
Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃
Except for brooding and sensitive
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Well.........at least their trophy isnt the Bond Belt.
Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃
Common mixup, they're thinking of Herlock Sholmes.
infinite tempest jakesy
The Bond Jockstrap
gellaho
I have bad news about their team name
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The J Edger Hoover Girdle Award winning Bond Team.
infinite tempest jakesy
Ah yes these famous American spies, James Bond and Sherlock Holmes
No doubt this institution was founded by American president Neville Chamberlain
gellaho
Jennifer Chen was essentially ignored in the first book, so AJ thought he'd rectify that
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Oh.......joY.
gellaho
I can't tell, but I think what's happening is impossible
gellaho
But AJ only told me that three times, so I don't know
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
But hear me out: what if what was happening…………. Was impossible?
gellaho
The language is very subtle
gellaho
That's how I think of graves, as gaping
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Grave Digger's Grave Gapes XXX.
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
:gravedigger:
gellaho
Is waking up vomiting better than waking up screaming?
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AJ........when that guy in the pub told you about the Chinese Grief Barf he was lying, for the love of God man.
gellaho
Jennifer cries wood chips
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
She's turning into a wood sprite!
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Delicious mesquite flavored grief.
gellaho
THAT CANNOT BE HIS NAME!
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No, fuck you AJ.
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
Oh fuck OFF
How many pages in are we and it's already the worst fucking thing I've ever seen
infinite tempest jakesy
I remember the first book as just being so fucking boring too
This isn't really straying from that formula
gellaho
Take this morning, please
infinite tempest jakesy
Lol
Automatic sheet retraction service gtfo
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OH MY GOD AJ stop saying his full name like you are proud of it!
Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃
He's so proud of it
gellaho
Dan Dan talks to his cyber-waifu
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How old are you, Double Daniel?!
gellaho
Dan Squared receives some electronic mail
infinite tempest jakesy
He's going to Dans like no one is watching
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Went thru a goth phase and insisted people call him Dans Macabre.
gellaho
This is an elaborate computer virus
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GASP!
WHO COULD HAVE FORESEEN OPENING SPAM EMAIL WOULD DO THIS!?
Ferroday Plays Both Sides
no laughing skulls? amateur hour
gellaho
And we all know what happens in The Book Cage when you get a computer virus?
SCREAMERS, BABY!
infinite tempest jakesy
Hahaha
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HELL YEAH IT DOES!
infinite tempest jakesy
Exploding computers and insurance money, that is what. we. do!
gellaho
Return of Screamers!
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Screamers 2: Rescreamed!
gellaho
Then all the computers explode, but he's fine
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
I'm still so fucking mad about his name.
Fuck you AJ. Fuck you forever.
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"Damn. I knew it was a bad idea to cool the CPU with liquid nitroglycerin, but the salesman said it was awesome."
infinite tempest jakesy
Lol a chain reaction of exploding computers
gellaho
Safe, that is, until the electrical cables in the building threateningly come down from the ceiling
infinite tempest jakesy
Better call the Geek GeekSquad
Like black intestines
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Oh shit the virus caused an earthquake, reboot Earf.exe
gellaho
Nah, the virus is magic
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hahahahahha
gellaho
I mean, it has to be magic because otherwise this is the dumbest understanding of electricity I've ever seen
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Great job AJ, you wrote the dumbest thing about computers I've ever read.
infinite tempest jakesy
Mmmmmm Harper steak
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AJ, I would literally belive in a computerized earthquake machine before this, you fucking hack.
Aj's editor should have flogged him.
gellaho
Then Dan Dan runs straight into an empty elevator shaft
infinite tempest jakesy
Dove
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
You asshole, you should have seen this coming. You deserve this.
Its basic fire safety to not use the elevator, and thats just for FIRES and not magic hacking.\
infinite tempest jakesy
Yeah but the doors were controlled by electro wizards
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
hahaha I remember this plot twist from some dumb soap opera.
infinite tempest jakesy
From 60 years in the future
gellaho
Meanwhile, Ben climbs a wall
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You stupid piece of shit, you werent living by a schedule because tis the future, you're living like that because you are too dumb to be alive, enjoy being dead in an elevator shaft, you prick.
gellaho
clingskin
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"And by human glue we mean its MADE from humans."
"Technically all glue is human glue."
"If we meant works on humans."
gellaho
That can't be her name!
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Solo Team, the contrarians.
infinite tempest jakesy
Together as one
gellaho
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
"Remember to ask the wall for consent."
"No, we are Bond Team, we dont do that."
"it's in our charter."
infinite tempest jakesy
Solo Team doesn't have to worry about asking for consent either, but for different reasons
gellaho
Ben, as his way as a dickhead, knocks his competitor off a sheer wall
gellaho
Goddamn, do I hate Ben
He was such an unrepentant asshole in the last book, and AJ seems to think he's the hero
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I was sure Jake would take charge but nope.
gellaho
Just such a dick
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He's a real Allen Dulles.
gellaho
How do I kill a fictional child
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By committing the most heinous crime of all. Writing fan fiction.
gellaho
Yes, cheer for the cheating narcissist!
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How have they not murdered him in his sleep and pretended he ODed on some future drug?
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
If only he had
gellaho
"That doesn't mean anything to us, Senior Tutor Elmore Grant"
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Proof AJ is a clone and was decanted at full biological maturity, real teens would have started hooting and laughing when someone said "coming"
gellaho
Why don't you kiss my ass, AJ
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AJ is what you get when the clones get too many middling to good sci fi novels piped into their brain and you dont tell them that they are sleeper assassins.
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
That was all chapter ONE??
Fuck me.
gellaho
I know the world is ending, but I'm more concerned that you just dropped "hovertel" in there like I'm just supposed to accept that
infinite tempest jakesy
They did it. They hacked the planet
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
It's always California or New York.
You never hear about Bozeman Montana succumbing to terrorist chaos.
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Im going to say AJ was decanted to a media diet of old 2000 AD comics and Warhammer 40k novels, but specifically not the best ones. He got like the Dawn of War novelization and only the Judge Dredd strips about the Apeolito gang.
gellaho
AJ is great at writing the most hateful characters, but on accident
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God, Lori is such a wet sandwich.
gellaho
That is such a tortured acronym
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Aj fuck your backronyms.
TCFHAATOOS doesnt roll off the tongue but thats sometimes how acronyms work.
gellaho
Why'd you have to make things so complicated, Dr Frankenstein?
infinite tempest jakesy
This book is DUMB (Definitely a book that is Under consideration for Maybe Burning)
Lori is such an oversensitive little twerp she can feel her DNA.
Wakes up in a panic every night as her skin cells die.
gellaho
Dr Frankenstein had an army of mutants
The second half of that book got real weird
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Every single one named Gene.
Sweet Gene, Mean Gene, Eugene.
Etc.
infinite tempest jakesy
Sorry but Frankenstein is actually the name of the doctor, not the mons-oh wait that's what's happening sorry bad reflex
gellaho
She's broken out of her reverie by the school's senile Q
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Such a wonderful display of compassion, letting an old man wander around the spy academy all day.
He gets a whole broom closet to sleep in.
gellaho
Well, this has gotten strange
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The gas mutated Lori into someone elses granddaughter! DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNN!
gellaho
Lori's going to wake up dismembered
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Leads the poor old man to an old quarry, and he never comes out.
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
Uhhhh… should we really be letting the old geezer who doesn't know where he is or who he is play around with Semtex?
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They let teens do it, might as well.
infinite tempest jakesy
It works in Metal Gear Solid
gellaho
Jennifer's doing great
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
It's great that Jennifer is constantly detached to the point you wonder if shes tripping balls. Makes for a wonderful character we can really invest in, emotionally.
gellaho
The Gun Run
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
It's fun!
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
"Actually we will be, I love infrared sights. We're going to get married and honeymoon in the French Riviera together, so suck it, Lori."
gellaho
Oh, good, the random newsbroadcasts are back
infinite tempest jakesy
"What if technology turns on us, maaaaaaaaaaaaan"
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It took them like a book and some change to realize Jennifer doesnt give a fuck and is not involved in any given conversation.
gellaho
How many times are you gonna use this coffin metaphor, AJ?
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God Jennifer is gunning for the worst kind of goth girl archetype, the "pretend im dead" kind.
Hon. Just do opiates.
gellaho
Well, back to the sexual harassment
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
The more things change
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Eddie........Jennifer has on numerous occassions demonstrated she can and will tear your dick off with her bare hands and only sort of tolerates you.
gellaho
Oh, Jesus Christ
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The academy needs better psychological evaluation processes.
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
GIF
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Also fuck you AJ, kendo?!
infinite tempest jakesy
While you were out playing with your sticky skin, I was mastering the wooden blade….
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They have future tech and are experts in unarmed martial arts, where the fuck would they get a fuckin sword?
I mean aside from the obviously contrived scenario you are going to present later.
gellaho
Bars. Bars to order drinks at
Bars to get drunk in. Bars to forget Spy High
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Shes got Havana Syndrome!
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
Where everybodyyy knows this suuuuuucks
gellaho
I'm guessing they forgot to do the extensive background checks on Jennifer?
gellaho
gellaho
Time to kill Mr Korita!
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
GIF
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Cool.
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
The night man!
gellaho
Oh, Eddie you pest
infinite tempest jakesy
Seems like the acceptance rate here is 😎spy high
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Mr. Korita isnt a very good teacher if he cant handle a berserk teenage girl with a stick, like kendo is kind of his whole deal.
gellaho
AJ forgot these were bamboo swords, I guess
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hahahahah AJ, bro. Shinai just kind of bend in the middle when you thrust with them.
gellaho
You also can't, you know, cut somebody's head off with one
infinite tempest jakesy
Yeah then explain why guillotines are made of mostly wood
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
so was this even an assassin or is Jen just crazy go nuts
infinite tempest jakesy
Checkmate libs
gellaho
So, AJ, pro-tip from a non-pro, there should be some kind of page break here
gellaho
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
She could have wailed on him all day and not really done much, thats kind of what the padding is for, kids.
gellaho
Because, now it just looks like everyone teleported
gellaho
She's got issues, the kind you only find in fiction
By Gawd, that's Jennifer's music!
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
GIF
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Someone needs to tell Jennifer the Nightmare King isnt going to show up someday to have his ass kicked by her with a stick.
gellaho
I forgot how weird the punctuation was in these books. Look at that question mark
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
And all this because she didnt want to go to boarding school, jeez.
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
jesus, what fucking typeset is that even from
gellaho
And this adorable little exclamation point
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Hahahhaha someday its going to be a big exclamation point.
Maybe in a book about sex or fast cars.
gellaho
But the biggest em dashes in the business
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Eddie, you........., She went berserk and tried to cut the head off your kendo instructor with a shinai. Of course she's unstable.
gellaho
"We hold hands in public and everything."
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Um.......thats not how chain of command works, Ben.
Its absolutely going to be your fault, Mr. Team Leader.
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
GIF
gellaho
technoterrorists
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
The best kind of terrorists according to The View.
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
Really lacking the quiet dignity that a word like "bioterrorists" carries
gellaho
Prepare the stasis crossbow
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
The honor of Bond Team was at stake.
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
The fun part of it being a stasis rifle is you can shoot all the civilians you want.
gellaho
No shit, they're in high school, AJ
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
AJ maybe just let the teen killers drink, its much more believable.
gellaho
I'm pretty sure they weren't even 18 in the last book, AJ, because I know you don't know the American drinking age
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"Its "Hamburger" innit?"
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
you can tell this is an american school because they get to have guns before they can have alcohol
gellaho
Gotta get in your baby shooting practice
gellaho
Shoot it right in the goddamned forehead
Jesus Christ, wtf
AJ
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That baby had a gun, righteous kill for Lori. Clear cut self defense.
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
GIF
No baby studies quantum physics. Clearly a spy.
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She self defensed that fuckin evil baby to HELL!
gellaho
Isn't the whole point of the stasis gun that it's nonlethal?
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
yeah but like, fuck that baby though
set phasers to "fuck that baby"
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Do you need to like hit center of mass or something to make the stasis work?
Thats fuckin weird.
gellaho
Lori dies because she was too busy helping that old man to learn how to activate the infrared sights
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Ben is gonna slap the shit out of her and she is going to be sad that his palm stung hitting her worthless face.
infinite tempest jakesy
Wait so she gets killed and the writer goes full passive mid scene
"And she died" lol
gellaho
It's a great relationship
gellaho
And great behavior to portray in this book for children
infinite tempest jakesy
Weird time to jizz all over the place but ok
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Ben..........you are real focused on these meaningless points over getting your actual job done.
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
Can't we just, like, beat Ben up
gellaho
Jesus Christ
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
"vital" in the sense that if Ben doesnt win at life he will have a breakdown.
gellaho
I mean, come the fuck on, AJ
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If Simon just jumped Ben with a sock full of gravel right now I'd cheer out loud.
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
You feel better now that that's all out of your system, AJ?
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
So this is like what, two now, teammates Ben has browbeaten into a nervous breakdown, huh?
Great team leader, Spy High. Great use of tax dollars.
gellaho
I should point out that this came out in 2003. So, right in the wake of 9/11. This is some grossly cynical shit here
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
If we don't go out and shop the terrorists win!
gellaho
Might as well follow that up with some child voyeurism
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I'm also wondering that, Jennifer.
gellaho
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
What..........what an odd way to phrase that, AJ.
I was kidding about the 2000 AD strips, bud.
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
it's almost like he wanted this to be a comic book at some point and then the publishing offer crapped out
gellaho
From the bushes, Jennifer finds out that Jake's home has imploded
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
hahaha he's literally doing 9/11.
he's fucking invoking 9/11 in his dippy spy kids ripoff.
gellaho
Something the British English teacher should definitely be doing
That's certainly something he should do
Fucking, excuse me?
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Hahahahha what are those domes even MADE of if bringing one down is a big problem?
Beth, Peggy and.....Glubb?
Their.........friend?
Francesca Glubb?
gellaho
Uh oh
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Ohhhhh okay.
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
what the goddamn fuck is happening
gellaho
I don't care for any of this
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Jakes sister is trying to cope with her dome being fucked sideways and talking to her dolls as a coping mechanism, normal YA stuff.
gellaho
Hey, AJ? Fuck you
gellaho
I'm not OK with this
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And now she doesnt have to cope anymore.
AJ 9\11ed the shit out of Jakes sister.
gellaho
Eat all the dicks, AJ
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
And I
am pretty sure we didnt know he had one.
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
Man.
I don't think we've had a book this unapologetically tasteless for a while.
gellaho
AJ, YOU'RE LAST BOOK HAD GODAMNED FRANKENSTEIN MUTANTS
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Wait, fuck you AJ, you spent a lot of time making Ben a total asshole, its too late to try and humanize him now you did a 9\11 on some domes.
gellaho
I mean, he still didn't
gellaho
Don't worry, Ben is still a complete asshole
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Well at least he didnt yell "Your poor ass Domer family got liquidated by CHAOS, nerd!" and do a backflip.
gellaho
The award for most unreasonable demands goes to:
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Oh the Society of Reasonable Demands is next time.
gellaho
I hate this book
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Oh no wonder Ben can just do his thing, Grant is from fuckin Mars.
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
Haha AJ has no fucking balls.
His one plot beat and he undoes it asap.
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Unless Grant is lying to keep Jake under control, but that might be a little too interesting for this book.
gellaho
So, they're going to the dome and Ben has to pick a team. Lori takes it well
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Losing your fuckin mind because you didnt get picked for the counter terror operation.
And to be fair, Ben is neck deep in broken teammates so he might as well pick the one who wins fights.
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
Sobbing into her Jake body pillow because she didn't get assigned to Zero Dark Thirty
gellaho
And so, Lori gets left behind with Eddie so she can get sexually harassed
gellaho
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
Literally just murder Eddie.
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
AJ. You know not every team needs a funny person who is also not good at anything? Its true.
gellaho
This is a news report?
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Reads like a 2003 Tucker Carlson op ed.
gellaho
Americans just love the word "prattle"
Take a SkyBike to the Border Zone
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
"The DEMOCRATS and the WOKE MILITARY love all the CHAOS collapsing your domes, America."
Wait if the environment is fine why the fuck are people living in friggin DOMES, AJ?!
gellaho
I'm sure this description has nothing to do with Cally's skin tone
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
I can feel the word "urban" swimming thru AJ's brain.
gellaho
I hate you, Ben
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Also Cally is the most nakedly psychologically unstable characters in a book full of them.
AJ WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THE GODDAM DOMES?!
Either tell me or stop talking about it, you fucker.
gellaho
Treating the people of the "Midwest" like literal fetuses
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
AJ your world building is ass.
Swarthy fetuses.
gellaho
I think it's only been like a year, maybe less
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
"Seemed to be" but we know his swarthy Midwestern father is just suspicious that living outside the dome has caused Jakes soul to fly into the sky.
gellaho
Acting like he's been out to sea for five years when they have goddamned holograms
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
"People in Domes are so poor they have to send e mail, like barbarians."
gellaho
SKY SPIDERS
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
"Yeah sure. Sky spiders tho, huh?"
gellaho
Back at school, we learn the other two team names
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Oh shit is Simon the one person at this school who isnt a maniac?
gellaho
Can't be that many Hannays
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
No, he's talking to Lori, who is gullible and has the willpower and self esteem of a waterlogged roast beef. He's got to be working an angle.
gellaho
Oh, goddammit
gellaho
You dickhead
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Hahahahaha fuck off AJ
I had to google that shit, its from 1936 you fucking dork.
infinite tempest jakesy
Also not American
gellaho
And Lori, of course, falls apart at this truce trick
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
My guy I realize the "great American spy" category is limited but cmon.
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
fucking Nathan Hale was right there.
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
You're writing this in the 2000s so you have the ability to know who like Bill Donovan is or something.
gellaho
You could have at least named one after Felix Leiter
Jesus Christ, AJ
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Get really daring and name one after Ethel Rosenberg, AJ.
gellaho
2003, baby
They are astounding that they hacked the system, even though the system had already been hacked
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
NOOOOOOOOO SHIIIIIIIIIIT THE SYSTEMS BEEN COMPROMISED.
gellaho
Trace the taint!
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
"This one seems to be a primitive diagram for a new kind of holographic fleshlight?"
gellaho
Hahaha
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Larsky taking notes for his blueprint spank bank.
gellaho
Al-Roussasa has quantum-leaped into Spy High!
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
GIF
gellaho
The third subbasement! Save the senator from the Assassins!
infinite tempest jakesy
Subbasement lol
gellaho
I had to read/hear third subbasement so many times for Dead on Target
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
I cant imagine having so many subs you need a special basement for them, let alone three.
gellaho
That's a pretty generous countdown timer
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
CHAOS' computer guy is like 15 years old and from 1996.
gellaho
Meanwhile, Jake wants to pet Jennifer
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Jake. Take it from me. Get a cat.
gellaho
This is how the hu-mans behave
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
You can pet a cat all you want and it will try to kill you from time to time so its going to work for you perfectly.
gellaho
I mean, you're running from a computer that's about to explode, what do you need, like, 20 feet?
gellaho
Dan Dan was right next to it and was fine.
Joe Hardy survived at least 17
Well, that was close. I guess.
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Um...........Aj, bad news. If the building blew up like that it probably liquified their organs.
gellaho
Supervirus
infinite tempest jakesy
I'm preparing the cure for the virus, a program known as CHODES
gellaho
How do I keep finding worse writing? It doesn't seem like it should be possible
gellaho
That's just so upsetting
Dude teaches English
Ben tells her he almost just exploded, and apparently that was the last straw
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Good think he left his best girl behind to hold down the fort, its great to have someone you can trust......oh shit wait.......
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
Hahaha chaos's plan is fucking Covid.
gellaho
Keep it in your pants, Jennifer
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
Fucking hell, her literal only character traits are being horny as fuck and being batshit insane.
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
AJ its not an improvement if your previous character traits for her were "mysterious Asian" and "knows kung fu."
infinite tempest jakesy
The only part Butcher gets right about high school kids
gellaho
They take the Light Train, or a ridiculous solar powered train with sails
gellaho
Because you really want to add a ton of drag to your train
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Fuck off Ben, nobody likes you just because you're on a mission.
gellaho
Hahaha, I forgot that was her full name
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
That's a fucking Muppet name
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
God I hate these characters so much. Theres just nothing decent to hold on to.
gellaho
Maybe it was something. Maybe it was not.
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
My kingdom for a Rex Moran.
gellaho
Oh, good, back to this shit
infinite tempest jakesy
Yeah this is a really tough series for me to get into at all, even in a riffing way
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Fuck off with this coffin shit AJ, you havent killed even ONE of these nerds.
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
Honestly as soon as he went all in on the 9/11 imagery it dropped straight into being beneath contempt.
gellaho
Nope. No. Nuh-uh. Unacceptable
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
FUCK
OFF.
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Fuck off AJ, we dont need him being self aware. Eat a bag of fuckin juicy dicks.
Dip em in chocolate and hork em down.
gellaho
So, I take it you want more?
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
God I hope so, Eddie.
I really do.
Killing you off would make for a definite improvement.
gellaho
It's just a rock solid relationship
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Lori.......you are such a fuckin jellyfish.
gellaho
AJ reveals he doesn't understand trains
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
AJ is that supposed to be like your idea of a slick future train? One that has sails and doesnt vibrate somehow?
Also these kids are bad spies.
gellaho
Nemesis
gellaho
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
Easily in contention for the weakest Star Trek movie
gellaho
It's good we set this guy up as the big bad in the last book
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Hahahaha yeah dunk on that nerd while the train accelerates to your doom.
gellaho
The electricity snakes are back
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
The terrorists are the real victims here
gellaho
Moisten them lips for AI
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
"Yeah it turns out we dont like chaos all that much, we really should have read our Kropotkin like that guy told us in college."
"Really what we found out we liked was fucking up YOU guys, when it happens to US it sucks, and we should really have thought of that before we made a doomsday AI."
"But, y'know........CHAOS and all so we rolled with it."
gellaho
Both foreshadowing and then not
gellaho
Similes are hard
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Wait theres.......a broken window and they're going at hundreds of miles an hour...........
That doesnt seem quite right, AJ.
AJ, as an American I dont know what trains are like, but I know about cars and I know you have them in the UK so you know that if you go fast theres quite a bit of wind............
AJ have you never ridden in a car OR train?!
gellaho
Anyway, they crawl to the front of the train
Read multiple books with this exact same thing. Like a car chase, maybe not something to put in a book
Anyway, meet Nemesis, the spider
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Aj most train danger includes like some dudes to fight. Just saying.
gellaho
Ben almost fell off, but was an asshole about it when he was saved
But it went on for a while, so skipped
I mean, they literally flew here on SkyBikes so I don't know why they took the train back in the first place
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
The Spy High kids just really like public transportation and support it with their dollars.
gellaho
Pascal Z
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
The cooler and edgier Pascal.
If you collect all seven Pascals you get a wish, but watch out for Frieza.
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
Seven? From the sound of it there's something like 25 more of the little fuckers out there.
gellaho
Well, that's the end of Part One
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
Dear god.
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Fuuuuuuuuck.
It's never a good sign when a setpiece has to be skipped because its fuckin boring.
gellaho
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Chaos has a strange way of rising in this one.
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
Good grief, this one is a slog.
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
I suppose "Chaos loses control of their doomsday weapon." doesnt have the same ring.
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
Chaos Eats Shit
gellaho
Skip action scenes a lot because it's just descriptive and not very interesting. I also skipped so much of Simon flirting
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
And yet look at how much awful there was left to cover!
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Thank fuck.
Last thing I needed was to have to read a dude inventing flirting with the one girl who all you have to do is tell her shes pretty and also she likes you.
If you dont phrase it as a question Lori just goes along with it.
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
Anyone else just kind of sitting here in the aftershock or just me
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Im deciding what I want for dinner, all the teen spy drama made me hungry.
FancyShark
Woo! Book Ca- oh dammit
gellaho
The Book Cage: Episode 103.5 - Spy High: Mission Two: Chaos Rising
Well, last week we got exploding computers, collapsing domes, and terrible teens being terrible. What new horrors await in Part Two of Mission Two? Will Ben get punched in the face? Will Eddie get kicked in the nuts? Will Daniel Daniels rise from the grave? For the answer to these questions, join me Friday, 5pm eastern.
gellaho
FancyShark
lol, Daniel Daniels. Butcher work hard on that name?
gellaho
Dan Dan had his computer explode, was beset by electrical cables that acted like snakes, and then ran into an empty elevator shaft and died
FancyShark
haha, classic Dan Dan
He died as he lived: an idiot
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
And we haven't even gotten into the 9/11 imagery!
gellaho
His computer had the personality of Marilyn Monroe
FancyShark
Is it possible to mourn someone less than not at all?
Because that would be appropriate now that I know that about Dan Dan
Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃
Did it thank him for turning it on?
gellaho
FancyShark
An Alexa that talks like Marilyn Monroe isn't a dating sim, but it's almost as sad
infinite tempest jakesy
Those future kids in 2060 and their obsession with women from 100 years ago, classic
gellaho
A little under an hour until Spy High:Mission Two: Chaos Rising, part two.
gellaho
Have a preview
Ferroday Plays Both Sides
jesus I legit forgot it's friday
FancyShark
A rare instance of a character withholding information because that info is pointless
gellaho
It's very important, they're competing for the Sherlock Shield. Which is definitely what an American spy school would call their prize
FancyShark
A.J. Butcher has their finger on the pulse of the modern youths with their hip-hop music and their bell-bottom pants
gellaho
He's British, and you can tell
He's also an English teacher, but you can't tell that
FancyShark
No one said he had to be a good English teacher
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
Those who can do, those who can't teach
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
I'm so ready. I have corn dogs and some mango nectar, my mind is prepared.
This one is even more dire and stupid than the first one and that's saying something.
FancyShark
I hope some day we get one of these authors trying to pass as functioning people and they decide they're way into speed metal
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
I think that's how we got weezer for rock
FancyShark
Still trying to be fancy and clever, but they're trying to bluff their way through a metal concert.
Bad Rap was lightning in a bottle, is my point
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
GIF
gellaho
Well, back to it
FancyShark
"Where's the light switch?": The Cover
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Rejected Harry Dresden cover art & title number 182
gellaho
It's good to see the writing's stayed strong
FancyShark
Were they leaving on that light train to Georgia?
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Lori, Ben can smell the rival male on you, its too late.
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
I'm already doing the dismissive jerkoff motion at this book and it's only been one page.
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Really just a paragraph.
gellaho
I'm assuming Last Team Standing is the stand up round
FancyShark
Spyscapes. They're like landscapes, except all the imagery is classified
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
It's just playing I Spy
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Ben continues to be bad at a basic piece of spycraft: maintaining the loyalty of his subordinates.
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
The school has to try really hard to duck copyright
FancyShark
I still can't believe Ben didn't turn villain in the first book
If Butcher makes that a twist in a later book, we're finding where he lives
gellaho
That, sexy, sexy naked chair
FancyShark
"After your execution, please be sure to rate and review us. We thrive on feedback."
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
I think he's supposed to be what AJ thinks Connery Bond is but forgot Connery Bond is a smarmy asshole and a rapist.
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
Ben's young. Give him time.
FancyShark
It's so weird because he sets off all the red flags of "this guy is going to betray the group and be the evil guy" and then...nothing
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Theres been some attempt to humanize him in this one.
He feels bad for making fun of Jake being from the Domes now that Jake got 9\11ed.
FancyShark
lol, wait, Jake's dead?
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
Never forget
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
No but I wish he was.
gellaho
But especially chaos, but especially nemesis
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
His Home Dome got destroyed by Tesco Skynet.
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
"I'll tell you about Nemesis okay?! The romulans made a clone of Picard! He's played by Tom Hardy but before he was really famous! They're gonna nuke earth for the Remans!!"
FancyShark
"Then they put a trenchcoat on him and sent him to Raccoon City to kill the S.T.A.R.S. team!"
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
"Then he drove a big truck and kicked a lot of ass with a bald lady with one arm!!"
gellaho
Lori gets catty and - wait, what about her teeth?
FancyShark
"Then he went to a massive virtual reality world and was actually a pretty chill dude."
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Corbin will fail to become prime minister of the UK someday.
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
"And then— I dunno, some kinda tar alien absorbed him and now they're symbiotically linked? I dunno, it got kinda weird and sexual after that so I tuned out"
FancyShark
Neon teeth, to show she's American
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
From the Boston Crabtrees, I assume.
gellaho
Butcher was setting up like he was about to brutally murder Jake's younger sister by dropping a dome on her.
But, everyone survived so it was a lot of dread for nothing
FancyShark
hahaha, coward
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
Just like the terrible tragedy of 9/11, where the buildings collapsed but everyone was fine so there was no reason to be upset
gellaho
What a fun story
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Osama Bin Laden should never have gotten the CIA training to build a mecha-spider.
FancyShark
Trolley Problem is not the best backstory
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
GIF
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
Not delivered like this, it isn't
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
GIF
I genuinely feel a little bad invoking Mr. Rogers for such a dark joke.
Oh well, he'd forgive me.
FancyShark
Dude appreciated a good joke. He was the best.
gellaho
But, don't worry about that. It's time for the Spyscape competition! What's the Spyscape? Fuck you for asking
FancyShark
oh there you are, Eddie. I was hoping you'd died
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Its really just a leftover Nickelodeon obstacle course they added lasers to.
FancyShark
Legends of the Hidden Spyscape
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
So they need to find the deceptor, that they're already holding.
Brendan
Alright, let's get this book party started and also cull the unbelievers from our midst.
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
Feels like the cart is before the horse on this one, AJ.
gellaho
liiiips
FancyShark
Butcher totally gets women, you guys
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
Feminist icon AJ Butcher
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Lori.........I know AJ doesnt talk to women and you dont have real agency, but you could at least TRY to maintain the fiction.
Brendan
Lady spies are so emotional.
gellaho
activate piss skis
gellaho
And just throw in the dead granddaughter again for fun
Brendan
Lady spies are so deceased.
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
psychic hardware
If this shit showed up on Star Trek I'd call it twee at best
FancyShark
The process of growing skis is incredibly traumatic and painful
Marvel at least gave Wolverine a healing factor to deal with it
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
So a Turbo Teen and a Ski Spy are somewhere on the same classification, then?
FancyShark
Also, "Gadge Newbolt"? What's this Ducktales shit?
gellaho
The balance and loyalty of p-skis
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
AJ, who are you making these Bond movie references for? Your target audience hasnt seen that shit.
FancyShark
The target audience is too old for this to be read to them by a parent. And only their parents are going to get or care about any of these references.
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
If somebody pulls a parachute and it's the Union Jack I'm throwing my phone out the window.
FancyShark
Jennifer panicked, unaccustomed to receiving applause.
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
"She jumped on her skis, like a jumper with skis."
gellaho
Really seems like CHAOS is doing the opposite of rising
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Aj you write like a baboon on opium.
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
CHAOS Self-Raising!!!
FancyShark
This would be livelier if they were talking to Corbin Bernsen
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
I keep imagining its Jeremy Corbyn and AJ has some strong opinions about Labour.
FancyShark
What's CHAOS's recruitment process like? Do they have a shell company for the interviews?
gellaho
It's just top notch stuff
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
Or it could just butterfuck off and not bother anyone. We don't know yet. It only just learned how to think for itself
FancyShark
haha, oh AJ, you have not earned anywhere near the good will required to pull off self-mockery
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Corbin hasnt learned a valuable lesson: Snarking at the person who can legally torture you is a bad idea.
Insulting your interrogator's intelligence is a good way to find yourself nude and sitting in a chair with a hole in the seat.
GIF
FancyShark
An hour later, as Corbin was counting how many parts of the finger could be pulled out with pliers without reaching the knuckle, he decided he'd keep his opinions to himself
gellaho
Mummy time
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
GIF
FancyShark
Don't beat off a mummy. That's a lot of dust and you're going to get kicked out of the museum
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Hahahahahaha they really did do Legends of the Hidden Temple, fuck you AJ.
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
Ankh if you're Suh Namun
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Ben you fucking MADE them do this? You fucking dork, at least they made your guys do actual spy shit like skiing.
gellaho
I'm guessing nobody consulted a timepiece because it's 2060, not 1860
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
Okay so this is when Ben goes full crazy and hits a girl, right?
Like, we've been building up to it.
gellaho
gasp
FancyShark
Ben, you dipshit. Bragging that a computer or software system is "uncrackable" is a marketing gimmick
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
Hahaha wouldn't it be just hilarious if Ben were the traitor the whole time
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Ben not wanting to admit that maybe his team just sucks.
FancyShark
Everyone immediately seizes the opportunity and knifes Eddie to pieces
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
And they suck because he's terrible and traumatized their computer person on like day 1
gellaho
"Who gave you the cheat codes to our super-duper cool mummy video game!"
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Honestly, if you think about it, getting someone to pass you intel should give Simon the win by itself.
Thats good spying.
FancyShark
A moment of awkward silence as Simon discovers he's into this
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
I want Simon to kick Bens ass right there in front of everyone.
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
Definitely the kind of personality you want in a field agent
gellaho
I wonder who it could be
infinite tempest jakesy
Bond Team more like Bland Team
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Hahahahahah well he's not wrong, but he isnt right.
FancyShark
GIF
gellaho
Weird
FancyShark
AJ Butcher writes women like every new thought requires a dice roll
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
The team is a psychotic rich kid, a girl who goes near catatonic under pressure, a guy who is basically mayonnaise but without the flavor, a girl who is so suggestible that its plausible she spilled the beans just after one smooch, a girl who whips between berserk killing frenzy and silence, and a boy so annoying he might have a latent superpower. They suck so much.
gellaho
This is a book for children
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
"Im just hurt you dont suspect I'm a traitor."
"I only kissed that dingus to make you pay attention to me."
"Shit........I'm keeping it a secret tho........fuck."
gellaho
This is just how they talk, constantly sshhh-ing each other
gellaho
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
I mean..........you go to the same school and you just a few weeks ago demonstrated that your computer whiz can be yelled into a coma by you, I dont know why you'd think your shit was secure.
FancyShark
Characters like these belong in a slasher film, not a spy thriller
gellaho
Lori rewards Ben's confidence by immediately going to Simon. Where he gets very weird describing their kiss
FancyShark
So many couples break up after they stop having we kisses
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
WeKiss is disrupting the kissing space, too bad its a venture capital scam run by oil money.
gellaho
Both of us were in there
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
He said as she looked him in -checks notes- the smile.
FancyShark
"Just all up in each other's mouth guts"
"AJ, you're fired"
gellaho
Jake hears them, talking. But, nevermind that. They are on a personnel truck now
And AJ describes the scene as oddly as you possibly could
infinite tempest jakesy
Simon meant to say he wants a ween kiss
Brendan
You can make a sex toy out of a mummy, they come with several holes and very easy to make more.
infinite tempest jakesy
Weird way to describe a blowie but ok
FancyShark
Hang on. Nemesis is the rogue computer system? When was this written?
Brendan
Ben, you're a terrible spy. It's ALWAYS your lover.
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
God I hope Eddie is the victim of "accidental" friendly fire.
Brendan
Did Ronin teach you NOTHING?
gellaho
Like a hill with stunted growth
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
That movie is too new, I dont think AJ has referenced anything newer than 1979 except maybe a Star Wars.
FancyShark
Because if it was any time after 2001, I'm certain he stole that from Tad Williams' Otherland
FancyShark
AJ, that's called a bump
Brendan
And yet he has a Danger Room
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Eddie you dumb fuck, its underground.
gellaho
Like a smile, but also like a crypt
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Its like you dont even GO to spy school.
FancyShark
So the secret base is locked with a mechanism that could be set off by an itchy bear
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
God the Eddie POV parts are so obnoxious.
gellaho
Yummy
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Bears went extinct in the Dome Wars of 2054. Turns out you need to pay to keep domes locked or bears get in.
FancyShark
"Did it walk like a man? Talk like a man?"
Ozzie
Woodpeckers out there just opening and closing it all day
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
How many mans tall was the man?
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
One time a beaver came and stole the whole switch, took them weeks to find it.
Brendan
But it was just Ben
Brendan
I hate these subscription-model domes.
gellaho
download hate.exe
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
So it was downloading Steam forums?
Also Cally coming to terms with the idea of computers storing her personal data.
gellaho
If you didn't know what wires were, they're like anorexic snakes
Djonin, Brockway's Strategian
Jim Butcher's "I can't think of a title" rule is to make the words the same length.
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Are these going to be the kind of wires capable of moving on their own AJ?
FancyShark
Wires sure getting a lot of verbs
gellaho
He is out of control with these goddamned similes
Here's some more
FancyShark
That makes it sound like his Adam's apple jumped out of his mouth
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Surprise motherfucker! Mecha-zombies!
This is what you get for not having a name and going on a mission like this.
gellaho
It's not like they have forcefields, you laser off the arms they can't really strangle you
FancyShark
Nice of them to let the zombie finish strangling
gellaho
But, you know, sure. Cyber-zombies
FancyShark
Dammit, did this book just get good?
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Sucks to be you. Hope Eddie shits himself as a dead nerd chokes the life out of him.
gellaho
Not at all
Brendan
The Anorexic Snakes is a grammy-winning Borg prog rock band.
gellaho
The next guy dies by getting his arm broken?
FancyShark
"Resistance Is Metal"
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
So why the fuck did they bring teen spies to a cyber zombie fight anyway?
FancyShark
AJ got some pages mixed in from another story
gellaho
The soldiers aren't up on their ninja protocols
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Why are they slow tho?
FancyShark
Which techniques? Don't worry about it
gellaho
They also seem to just die if anyone touches them
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Also if they can just yank your arms off I dont think it really matters if you sweep the leg.
FancyShark
Blocking attacks with your arms seems like a bad idea after they killed that one guy with an armbar
Brendan
Children, if you can't melee slow revenant cannibals, you'll never infiltrate Satellite X
gellaho
Corbin insisted they bring the teens or he wouldn't show them the secret hide out. He seems to think the teens can survive anything
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Maybe what they should do is sit on their butts and scoot around for 90 minutes?
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At least hes a little genre savvy.
FancyShark
Impacted Dog Technique
gellaho
Reminder that Cally has had a panic attack nearly every time she's hacked something
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To be fair Corbin DID watch them survive the mutant hordes and all so he did make a solid conclusion.
Brendan
"What if the X-Men, but all jerkoffs, no powers, and you can't see their freakishly sexy figures because it's prose?" is a hell of a book pitch.
FancyShark
So cyberzombies don't raise her heartrate at all, but the thought of a typo in code gives her an ulcer
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
All Nemesis has to do is kind of yell at her until she fucks up and her brain will shut off.
Ben did it in like ten minutes.
FancyShark
On accident, too!
gellaho
Corbin attempts to flee
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Corbin you dork, you failed to run from slow ass cyber zombies. You deserve this.
Its Night of the Living Dead rules and you still fucked it.
gellaho
Just rub some dirt on that neck, it'll be good as new
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
If AJ actually kills a teen and replaces them in the next book I will actually start thinking better of these.
He could aspire to be almost as fun as Animorphs.
FancyShark
Savor it, Cally. When you're older, you're going to look forward to the idea of having your neck cracked.
gellaho
Kids, ask you parents about sadism
FancyShark
Then, to add salt to the wound, the zombies start singing "Your Eyes"
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
I dont think this is a question of "can afford to die." Cally. If you dont somehow become stronger than a cyber zombie and break its grip you are going to be able to look behind you like an owl.
gellaho
Some gore for the kids
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuh no shit you shoot them in the face.
FancyShark
Props to Butcher for having no indication we were headed here after Lori's "omg, I kissed a boy"
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How..........how did that not happen in the previous firefight?!
gellaho
Really implies that they weren't shooting them in the head before
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Youd think it would have happened just by accident already, or someone would have thought of it based on like.......oh hey zombies are a thing.
Cmon AJ is pop culture stuck in the 60s and 70s in this world or not?
gellaho
AJ Butcher really laying out just how pointless that whole thing was
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Just a bunch of redshirts, you didnt even NAME them AJ, you cant expect us to really care.
Watch Aliens again, AJ and try harder.
FancyShark
"Bond Team, you get -3 points for your backup getting decimated by the zombies and -10 for not finding the stuffed animal with the next clue"
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"If you dont get a move on you'll never get the Monkey Idol."
gellaho
Jake clingskins up the side of the building to spy on Simon Macey. AJ makes some... word choices
FancyShark
I just looked up Legends of the Hidden Temple because I forgot Olmec's name. And found this.
FancyShark
brb, going to raise an army
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Oh I forgot about fucking Sonia Dark.
And Jake, stop complaining about the sounds people make when they fuck, you're fucking spying. Try to at least pretend to be a professional and not whine about how grody kissing is.
gellaho
"LET US DISCUSS OUR DASTARDLY PLANS, SONIA DARK"
gellaho
AJ, just tossing bimbo in there for the kids
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Jake better use this information to recruit Lori to his plan to take the leadership spot from Ben or I'm going to get even more bored.
pokes narrative with stick- do something.
FancyShark
Does it strike any of you as weird that they need a leader? They decide everything as a group anyway
Brendan
"A wet slap of a kiss"
infinite tempest jakesy
That wet slap wasn't a kiss Jake
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
Invoking 9/11 was really the only trick AJ had in his box for book 2, wasn't it.
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Jake is from the Domes, he didnt get good sex ed.
He still thinks babies are grown in hydroponics like potatoes.
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
So you're saying he didn't get good dome?
FancyShark
Hell yeah. Midwest education forever, baby!
infinite tempest jakesy
"Sounds like someone is stirring some mac and cheese in there!"
You're welcome for that image by the way
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
And its 2060 so Jake thinks WAP is classical music for dorks.
gellaho
Just throw a couple more in there
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"So lets talk about what a stupid bitch you are and how we plan to use it to stab Ben in the back, or I'll give this to him and he will probably throw you off the roof."
gellaho
Twitch, but with feeling
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Like.......Ben is a scumbag and you should have fucked him over deliberately and not by accident, Lori.
Right now you should be standing on the cafeteria table doing Waluigi crotch chops at him and yelling "IT WAS ME! I'M THE REASON YOU LOST!"
gellaho
"Weird that we're named after a spy and their named after a Star Wars character"
FancyShark
"Brainless bimbo...he's right" thought the Very Well-Written Lady Character
"We could kill them. Just a thought."
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
I mean she did basically become Bens girlfriend when Ben said "Hey, you're my girlfriend now." and for no other reason so...........
infinite tempest jakesy
"With these knockers, I'll never be more than a hysterical bimbo"
gellaho
I skipped over a whole holodeck beach scene with Eddie and Cally, but now a storm's rolling in
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Good.
LAst thing we want is more Eddie than necessary.
gellaho
"Why'd we think it was a good idea to relax in VR when we're fighting a rogue AI!"
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The fiendish intellect of the godlike AI has decided to..........turn the AC all the way up!
Brendan
See? Feeling, not thought. What a brainless bimbo.
Liiiiiips
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It has a fucking giant mecha spider body that destroys domes. Just saying.
gellaho
Stupid is correct
FancyShark
Always love when they program a holodeck that can generate energy. It must be like someone switching on a microwave every time the VR makes a lightning bolt
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Also you went to the beach with fucking EDDIE.
Brendan
GIF
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Sex Pest Eddie.
gellaho
Why it couldn't just locate them immediately is a mystery
infinite tempest jakesy
We going straight. To. The WILD WILD WEST
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Why it even needs to locate them is also a mystery.
FancyShark
The wicky wicky WILD WILD WEST
gellaho
Yesssssssss, if you die in the game, you die for real
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Just turn the sim to "Arctic" and wait ten minutes with the door locked.
FancyShark
Or "Volcano" and you're done in one
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Nah heat is bad for computer parts, its an elemental thing. AIs use ice magic and are vulnerable to fire.
gellaho
In case you didn't know what rain feels like, AJ will tell you it's just like warm blood.
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AJ is from Britain so I guess he's a rain expert.
gellaho
Cybercircuits
FancyShark
Nemesis is far too rad for this book
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Chitinous............so it decided that while organic forms are impure, the organic substance that makes shit like beetle skeletons and stuff is great.
Cat is really doing me no favors when it comes to spelling.
gellaho
Sure, that's how electricity works
FancyShark
"HELLO, EDWARD"
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Oh Eddie. If you got electrocuted you'd be in tremendous pain for juuuuuuuust a bit.
Before your brain shut off anyway.
After that its gravy.
FancyShark
I'm sure the universe would make an exception to keep him hurting longer
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
100% Intro to Disco Elysium shit.
gellaho
They manage to get Ed out, but not Callie. And she's in a coma, even though nemesis attached Ed
gellaho
Cause and effect is overrated anyway
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Cally is part opossum and passes out when threatened.
Brendan
Let's do a Matrix!
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Nemesis just wants someone to play coop games with.
Brendan
It's right there in the name!
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Vermintide bots just dont get the job done, even if you're a godlike AI.
gellaho
This feels like it was written by an over dramatic eighth grader
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Shut up, Lori, you're too dumb to think things like "cradle suggests new life."
FancyShark
Long setup for an Evanescence reference
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Also fuck you AJ, cybercradle to cybergrave was my joke.
Also do NOT MENTION SNOW WHITE in front of Eddie, you know why.
Brendan
Eddie has a propensity to kiss the female spies while they're sleeping, we try not to put him in opportunities of temptation.
gellaho
Alright, Eddie, why don't you go find a blow pop and cheer yourself up
Brendan
Eddie Berganza, you cad.
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
God Cally has low standards after Jake wasnt all that interested.
FancyShark
No, she meant it, Eddie. She meant she couldn't think of anyone else she'd rather never see again.
gellaho
I've cut out so much of these kids' emo bullshit
Anyway, time to go gaslight an old man to get him to fix the VR
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Well thats fucked up.
Brendan
Can the VR create life?
gellaho
"Kind of seems like I should have designed the VR not to be able to kill from the beginning, but oopsie"
Brendan
Like can it generate a sentient person, a la TNG?
Brendan
Immediately nerfing the threat we've had for 20 pages.
FancyShark
That's the A.J. Butcher promise
gellaho
Well, not often you read the stupidest thing you've ever read
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Fuck off AJ.
FancyShark
😵💫
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Seriously, fuck off. Antibinaries?!
The fuck does that even MEAN?
FancyShark
You could have accomplished the same level of stupid with "reverse the polarity", AJ
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
At least polarity is something you can reverse.
gellaho
"My binary bomb.... noooooooooo!"
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
The binary bomb sounds like a chud supervillain plot.
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Also not a thing, AJ.
FancyShark
This is how the Hardy computer virus works
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
You're thinking of a logic bomb, AJ
gellaho
"Excellent job traumatizing that sad old man, young lady"
FancyShark
"Let's use this weapon designed by a dementia patient, kids"
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
"He forgot what his granddaughter looks like but now how to code or do math, we hope."
gellaho
Wait, the suit is a physical thing. Wouldn't you put that on her here? How do you send it to her? The fuck is happening
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
"This is why we keep the old fart around, occassionally he takes a shine to a girl and gives her a superweapon or something."
FancyShark
You know he wants ViPr pronounced "viper". Go to hell, AJ
gellaho
Yeah, definitely an actual piece of clothing
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
I refuse. Im pronouncing it "vipper."
Rhymes with zipper.
FancyShark
I'm going with "verper", just to be difficult
gellaho
Yeah, crank up the energy. That'll help
FancyShark
This book should be titled "I guess we're doing this now"
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I'm not sure that's how that works but at least if theres a power outage it will be okay.
gellaho
Cyberflesh
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GIF
FancyShark
Eddie is immediately shot and killed
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by cyberbees.
gellaho
Sure, whatever
FancyShark
GIF
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Why is the posthuman robot future always so dire looking? Why do dipshit writers never think "Oh maybe the godlike AI will like sunshine and clean and polished surfaces."?
gellaho
You know how shiny coal is
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Yes, I remember my grandfather coughing glitter after a day down mine.
The famously sparkly coal dust, you see.
No cure for Sparkle Lung.
FancyShark
MLP: Friendship is Fuel
gellaho
They seem like a real threat
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
"We could have just shut off the server but this is way cooler!"
FancyShark
So your anti-code is being delivered via coded payload. Sure, AJ
gellaho
Until the magic suits suddenly stop working for no reason
Brendan
This is the most boring post-apoclyptic ninja mummy zombie Matrix we've ever surfed.
gellaho
Until the spiders just decide to leave
FancyShark
It's honestly kind of impressive in that regard
Brendan
"But how do the irradiated skeltons intensify the girls' self-doubts?" asked AJJ
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Man some names do not lend themselves to affectionate shortening and Lori is one of them.
Brendan
"Do you think that girl is skinnier than me?" asked Lori.
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Its already short for something, Ben.
FancyShark
The key to winning in this universe seems to be "outlast the author's attention span"
gellaho
Until Nemesis shows up, like a bowling ball
FancyShark
Spider bowling sounds fun
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
For a godlike super AI they are fighting it an awful lot like its not.
FancyShark
You have to take away its confidence. If you treat it with respect, it'll remember its full arsenal
gellaho
We break in the middle to find that Senior Tutor Elmore Grant does not pass the Steele test
budd dwyer thot
lol
FancyShark
Half a man...lengthwise
Now it's a cybernetic All Of Me story
budd dwyer thot
does he have his... you know
his asshole
gellaho
Anyway, back to this shit
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Nope. Just a USB waste port.
Brendan
Well, good thing there are no stakes
gellaho
Legitimately, Senior Tutor Elmore Grant has barely been in this book. I don't know why he randomly appeared for three paragraphs
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
They have to remind you he exists for a bit every so often, hes the M in this one.
gellaho
Ben feeds himself to Nemesis, and this happens
FancyShark
"Hi. I'm Elmore Grant. I need a special machine to poop. Anyway, thanks for your time."
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Fuck off, Ben shouldnt do something that cool.
FancyShark
Spiders: They have skulls
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Also why is the AI cybergod acting like a fucking t-rex? Fuck off and die in a Yorkshire ditch AJ.
gellaho
gellaho
gellaho
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
FUCK OFF.
FancyShark
"Just like a spider!"
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
"Its........some kind of cyberChrist!"
gellaho
Putting itself back together like a tent
budd dwyer thot
poles don't snap together!
FancyShark
It's doing this for the first time, which means it's getting the hang of this
budd dwyer thot
unless they're tent poles I guess
his legs snapped together like the earth's magnetic poles....
Brendan
Nemesis was our Neo all along??
budd dwyer thot
his legs snapped together like flag poles
his legs snapped together like mr. and mrs. kowalski who donated the window above the confessional
Brendan
The spider broke itself together exactly the way a melting pile of jelly in the sun wouldn't.
gellaho
A web that was like a cyberweb, cybermade by cyberspiders on cyberspace
Brendan
Cally has cybercrabs
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GIF
budd dwyer thot
jesus is this guy paid by the word
FancyShark
All this imagery doesn't change that they're supposed to be in a competition for a school award
budd dwyer thot
cally was trapped in the doorway by the World Wide Web
Brendan
Cally WAS the gateway
Are YOU the 404?
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
This is how AJ understands port forwarding.
gellaho
Eddie decides a suicidal distraction is the correct course of action
Brendan
What if the web were like...a WEB?
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
You fucking dork, its VR, psychic powers dont work in VR.
FancyShark
Reacting to Eddie with hatred makes Nemesis the audience surrogate
budd dwyer thot
it was like a spider web, except it wasn't made by spiders, and it was electrified. [one sentence later] cyberspiders
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Yeah that tracks. Reading this makes me want to have teens devoured by spiders.
gellaho
It goes pretty well
budd dwyer thot
is a Light Train something specific
is this part of the worldbuilding
gellaho
This book seems to assume you can break your legs in VR. Like the power of the human mind is capable of breaking bone
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Yes.
FancyShark
I think it's a mobile base?
budd dwyer thot
because it seems like a heavy train would make more of an impact
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Its a solar sail powered train they were on earlier.
IT HAS A LITERAL SAIL.
With solar panels.
gellaho
Which is great for trains
FancyShark
Winds always blow in the same direction. It's fine
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
The age of sail never really ended, it just went on land.
budd dwyer thot
damn I'm getting the sense this isn't a very good book
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
At least Napoleon isnt master of Europe now that the oceans are battlefields, and also the fields are battlefields.
But seriously I would watch a movie about two trains shooting cannons at each other.
gellaho
Well, time to put the physical suit on in cyberspace. Why they couldn't just do that in the real world is for only AJ Butcher to know
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Lori is going to have to get used to dressing the unresponsive. Its a core part of stealth according to Hitman games.
gellaho
If you're bones are tingling, you already have problems, man
budd dwyer thot
you're fucked eddie
FancyShark
But we're not going to get that, are we, book
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Tingling bones is a normal part of growing up, Eddie.
budd dwyer thot
no his death is certain, it says right there
gellaho
It's like you're some kind of genius
budd dwyer thot
fuck!!!!
FancyShark
Damn you, AJ Butcher. We WILL kick the football one of these times!
budd dwyer thot
eddie nelligan
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Dammit. Of all of them Eddie is the one I would like to die the most.
gellaho
I think I'd rather Ben die first
FancyShark
It's like a buffet. It's difficult to decide where to start
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
At least Ben does something worthwhile from time to time even if it is scream at one of his teammates until they have a nervous breakdown.
gellaho
You don't really get the full impact of how much of an arrogant piece of shit Ben is without reading the book
Also, AJ seems to think he's the protagonist
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
It would be really cool if they all died in a bus crash and AJ gave us a novel about talking dogs.
Ive never read Ian Flemings Bond novels but I have a sneaking suspicion AJ has.
gellaho
Anyway, the pods are about to give birth
FancyShark
According to Wikipedia, there's a second series where each of these little shits gets his or her own book
gellaho
AJ Butcher has decided, fuck narrative, I'll do whatever I want
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
I had to check to make sure my eyes didnt start to spontaneously bleed when I read this.
FancyShark
I'm a helper!
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Also fUCK OFF AJ!
AJ's editor should have killed him with a brick.
FancyShark
Oh no. You better fire some anti-loop variables at its getvar ifelse
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Just.........unplug that shit you fucking shitheads.
Turn off the power, I guarantee it will fuck it up.
gellaho
Good news, they immediately do that
FancyShark
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ImAlx0amAIc
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Fuck maybe I should write a book.
gellaho
Resulting in them killing it incredibly quickly, three times
FancyShark
CHAOS taught Nemesis to live. But these kids taught it to hate.
gellaho
Well, dealt with that virus that killed millions. Time to deal with the real threat: a kid who cheated in a competition
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
AJ you dumb shit you kind of exterminated your SPECTRE analog in one book, where the whole point was they were going to be a problem from now on.
Of course by "Deal with him" they dont mean "Roll him in a carpet and beat his ass with sticks."
FancyShark
"Simon, please leave."
"Okay."
THE END
gellaho
Just enough time to get some groping in this book for children
FancyShark
Stab
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Children love a good grope, huh AJ?
gellaho
Some bare flesh for the kids
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Yeah "somehow" Jake.
FancyShark
That's a typo. She has a fridge full of bear meat
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Lori is a big freeze dried jerky enthusiast.
gellaho
Jesus Christ
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Hahahahah he bugged your literal tits and you didnt notice, Lori.
Simon is a creepster but he's got some pretty impressive sleight of hand skills
gellaho
Ah, the back of the neck. Famously not a sensitive part of the body
Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃
That's just a tick
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Jake, explainer of the concept of leaning your head forward.
FancyShark
Writers must get a different anatomy lesson than other people. Joe didn't notice the dart in his neck for most of that one book
gellaho
Also not an area you scrub when showering, say when washing your hair
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Lori is dumb enough Simon didnt even need to paw at her, he could have just tagged her whenever and shed never notice.
gellaho
"She didn't just get out of the shower right? Oh, she did?" - AJ Butcher
Brendan
Remind me why they can't just flip the circuit breaker on this room?
Her self worth?
FancyShark
BOOM
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
And its the size of a thumbnail.........
FancyShark
Take that, girl with no self-esteem
gellaho
"Now, don't use the bathroom before the stand up competition. And don't practice any of our jokes!"
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
like hon, you might have some kind of condition if you didnt notice that.
gellaho
Huh?
FancyShark
This is how we find out she's been washing a mannequin every time she "showers". Her own hygiene is non-existent
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
He's like a fucking raccoon sidekick in a straight to DVD knockoff of Guardians of the Galaxy.
The kind you find in a Hong Kong night market with a misspelled cover.
gellaho
The ancient art of paint ball
gellaho
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
Jesus, this is the longest fucking walk for a paintball episode.
What fucking paintball episode needs a 9/11 subplot?!?
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Everything had a 9\11 subplot for about 5 years after 2001.
FancyShark
Or a Lawnmower Man Spider plot?!
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
Yeah but this doesn't even have finger-tutting!
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
AJ couldnt afford the lessons.
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
How am I supposed to know what's happened?!
gellaho
AJ's just going full Brit now
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
"Our American NHS has taken care of.........what do you mean that isnt a thing?!"
FancyShark
"Let's go on holiday and take a lorry to queue up for a game of cricket, Fellow American"
gellaho
Jake rolls out his master plan: bird calls
FancyShark
That means he flipped them off
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
None of these kids has ever seen a live bird.
Jake least of all, he lived in a dome.
gellaho
Yeah, full English now
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
In a more entertaining book Simon and the gang would go "Ahah! The sound of a crested bluetit, not native to this area. Jake the dome living dumbass is right over there."
gellaho
Ham, AJ, the tradition is ham over here
FancyShark
Or goose, if you want to remain stuck in the 60s
gellaho
The one as big as me?
Brendan
You know what we Yanks always say: Robert is your uncle.
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GIF
gellaho
Anyway, the slaughter begins
FancyShark
It's not paintball until someone gets paralyzed
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Hahahahahah rad, use your woman as a human shield.
Hope you like having a dry dick, Simon.
gellaho
That's an interesting spelling
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Sure, yeah. Jake has earned that with all the zero conflicts he had with Simon.
gellaho
Jake's going to hell tonight
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He totally doesnt spend most of the time sulking in the background.
FancyShark
Jake slits Simon's throat and watches the life fade from his eyes.
"No one disrespects Sonia but me."
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"No it isnt."
"What?"
"We go to spy school, dummy. Of course its legal to do spy shit, why do you think we are having a spy competition?!"
gellaho
Jake is the main character. I mean, AJ doesn't know that but it's obvious to anyone with half a brain
gellaho
Time for murder
FancyShark
Going a little overboard for him planting a tracking device on the back of her neck
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Just.........stab him in the ear with an icepick and claim he killed himself, Jake.
This is why you are the main character in secret.
gellaho
Nah, straight to stranglin'
FancyShark
Kill him and say he fell, Jake. You're supposed to practice lying.
The chad move would be to prevent Simon from being able to respond
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Jake you fucking little wuss, you dont have the balls to make that threat stick and now he knows you're a problem.
gellaho
What a triumph
FancyShark
Remember, kids: If you want to win, threaten the competition
gellaho
God, Ben, I fucking hate you
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"I mean I dont control the judges and its a points thing and we are way ahead, so fuck you, but you won in spirit."
gellaho
I hate you so much
FancyShark
Desserts, AJ
You stupid asshole
gellaho
Ben justly belongs in a desert
Alone and without any water
FancyShark
I would read the hell out of that book
gellaho
I'm sure this is fine
FancyShark
Great leadership instincts, Ben
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Just the worst team leader.
REally reflects well on the Spy High staff they dont notice what a little shit he is.
gellaho
Time for the school ball, you know, like in America
FancyShark
No, it does need to be said, AJ. Because I wouldn't invite them to be part of the cleanup crew
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Whatever, we dont even need to think about Jennifer's issues because AJ is going to have them be the kind of issues you fix with some Jake loving.
gellaho
Senior Tutor Elmore Grant has a message for Jennifer
FancyShark
"Back in black."
Then several lines that just say "guitar solo"
gellaho
The gorge?
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Aunt Li lacks somewhat in felicity of style, admittedly, but you cant fault her for clarity.
In a much cooler novel she would be puking over the return of her estranged father, a lethal kung fu master who killed her mother and her new husband.
gellaho
Callie and Eddie wrestling on the dance floor
FancyShark
Lori feels the back of her neck and find seven more tracking devices stuck there like chewing gum under a table
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Lori finally picks up on something going on without having to be told? Preposterous.
Poppycock, as we Americans say.
In America.
Where we all are.
FancyShark
Here in the colonies
gellaho
Eddie takes some time out of wrasslin to taunt Ben
gellaho
The end, apparently
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First thing Eddie has done that I can get behind.
"Yeah you said. Look, I know you're the hot but dumb one but I was asking for more information, not the same information rephrased."
"If thats all it says that's fine, just say that."
FancyShark
The note actually says "Jennifer's gone", just so Lori wouldn't get confused
gellaho
Then a preview of the next book, so we don't need to worry about that
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Strangely it was signed by Aunt Li.
gellaho
FancyShark
He's BRITISH?!
The betrayal!
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While I doubt that happened I feel a strong need to lecture some English schoolchildren about not giving dorks their well due ass beatings.
Brendan
Jen has been absent for so long I thought she wised up. And I was right.
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Also AJ "Trying to tell stories constantly so I dont get my ass beaten." isnt the way you want to phrase that to someone who just read Spy High.
gellaho
We have defeated Spy High: MIssion Two: Chaos Rising
FancyShark
We did it!
Brendan
We have infiltrated Spy High Book 2: The Nemesis Imperative
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The cover edit is brilliantly subtle, great job.
gellaho
That's more ofa Time Wars title
Brendan
As we say in America, "Cheers, it's brill, luv."
FancyShark
Great riffing, everybody! Thank you, @gellaho !
gellaho
So concludes the 103rd Edition of The Book Cage
gellaho
May all your computer programs be cyberresurrected
