Ferroday Plays Both Sides
it's like if you asked the Family guy writers to do a Hitchhiker's Guide ripoff
106: Bicycling Through Space and Time Mike Sirota
Tags:
The Year of Pain
Take a ride on the wild side!
Archive
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"So that was a thing that occured and I will not bring up again"
This book was written in front of a live studio audience
FancyShark
Mike Sirota was raised by a TV and waiting room magazines
gellaho
Very special veiny footballs
Mordred Dances with Werewoofs
What the fuck is this, Ready Player 0.5?
All these references
FancyShark
Right?!
He won't stop!
HeyitsTom
fancy shark has been saying that the whole time I think haha
Mordred Dances with Werewoofs
I've only been here the last five minutes 😅
But yes I agree
FancyShark
You picked up on it immediately, though!
HeyitsTom
it must be true if we're all thinking it
gellaho
Anyway, God tells him to fuck off
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Amen
FancyShark
"In the tradition of Douglas Adams, what the fuck do you want?"
HeyitsTom
I think the references are getting worse as we go, like he wrote the whole book in chronological order and his attention span is dropping off
Mordred Dances with Werewoofs
I'm guessing this predates?
Which makes Ernest Cline even more of a hack.
gellaho
Sirota decides this is another opportunity for quotes!
HeyitsTom
funny funny stuff
gellaho
And references!
FancyShark
Mike Sirota is apparently a pseudonym for Garth Ennis
HeyitsTom
with the talent of garth marenghi
gellaho
Can you handle the wackiness?
FancyShark
You remember that, don't you, reader who is reading this at any particular time in the future and has definitely seen and memorized an entire biblical epic?
Ferroday Plays Both Sides
y'know this might be worse than family guy
this is more like Big Bang Theory meets I Love the 80's
gellaho
Hilarity, thy name is Sirota
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That's not even the iconic look from that movie
Here's the look from the end
HeyitsTom
in the tradition of douglas adams
lulz teh random
pickle weasel am I right fellow redditors
gellaho
Jack decides to leave because his translator can't handle all the interstellar quotations
FancyShark
haha, Sirota's getting sick of his own references
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Fucking. Cervantes.
Ferroday Plays Both Sides
I hate this. I hate this so much
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I hate the implication that this guy finished Don Quixote and I didn't
Ferroday Plays Both Sides
I hate it enough that I almost forgive Kent Montana
...almost
FancyShark
Skimmed. He skimmed it. I refuse to accept otherwise
HeyitsTom
it's trying so hard to be meaningful or profound with this wink wink god shit
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This is upsettingly similar to Godfellas from Futurama
gellaho
Back on Earth, the old guy immediately fixes the translation problems
gellaho
Huzzah
HeyitsTom
you can't put god and baby hitler in your magic bicycle, wizard duel warlord fucking 50 sex slaves book
FancyShark
Except that had a coherent structure, a driving narrative, and something clever to say
Ferroday Plays Both Sides
god I almost forgot about baby hitler
gellaho
Have you ever heard of Star Trek?
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I did forget about baby hitler
gellaho
HeyitsTom
I don't think this was intentional but it sounds like he pulled the UT6 out of his ear
he watched you fuck the cats, jack
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I think I got bingo
HeyitsTom
this is a blackmail sting
can we reinterpet pedict 9/11 to predict ready player one?
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Ferroday Plays Both Sides
How did he manage to wring four books out of this bullshit
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Wait what
FancyShark
He DID?!
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how are there more
Ferroday Plays Both Sides
oh yeah this is part of a series
HeyitsTom
oh no
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why are there more
FancyShark
ffs
HeyitsTom
I mean this premise allows him to write literally any story fragment he wants
without having to figure out how to string them together
it's an idiot's version of genius
why not write a whole series
gellaho
Spends some time catching up with a friend, who is dating a forebear of Maximilian Dragonard
FancyShark
Unless he secured a deal to write multiple books at once, I can't understand how he sold enough to get the greenlight on more
HeyitsTom
that's the real question
FancyShark
Nevermind, Dragonard explains it
Ferroday Plays Both Sides
for all we know he self-published
gellaho
Excuse me, the friend introduced Jake to this clearly fake woman
HeyitsTom
did he write this bit while having a fever dream
take a fucking breath, man
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I can't believe this book is still going
FancyShark
Stop writing your story like you've cornered us at a party, Sirota
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If it ends on that line I'm throwing my phone in a river
The Badgers in the Discords
jesus, how is it still going.
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Welcome back, it's not improved
The Badgers in the Discords
just vomiting every pop culture reference he has onto the page and he still hasn't run out yet.
HeyitsTom
I need to go back a bit, what was that about maximilian dragonard? who or what is that?
FancyShark
Character from a better, crazier book
HeyitsTom
google told me to fuck off when I asked
ah right
gellaho
The Badgers in the Discords
DRAGONARD
HeyitsTom
oh that looks awesome
FancyShark
It was very weird. But it had killer names and the greatest line in literature
Ecto
That's one of those books that can't possibly live up to its cover
gellaho
That's the opinion of someone who doesn't know of Maximillian Dragonard and Tingo Spellhands
HeyitsTom
Tingo Spellhands! Please tell me that's a real name
The Badgers in the Discords
it is!
gellaho
Regardless, bad news, there's seventy more pages of this
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Fantastic
FancyShark
AGGGHHH!
Very well
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Also I'm sorry for this everyone but I looked up the series
FancyShark
We partly did it!
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and here's the cover of book 4
The Badgers in the Discords
seventy more pages!?
how? how?????
HeyitsTom
there's that self-published energy
gellaho
The good news is there's only 70 pages left, so we can probably get something in afterwards next week
The Badgers in the Discords
of course there's a piece of shit in a trump wig and jackboots. of course there is. of course.
FancyShark
Great riffing, everyone!
Thank you, @gellaho !
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Addams Family House in the lower right hand corner
Thank you @gellaho , I will never be the same
HeyitsTom
indeed. Powerful exploration of the text @gellaho
Ferroday Plays Both Sides
the covers have the same energy of those collage covers I used to see on like, grade school edutainment books at the book fair
HeyitsTom
oh what was this line, do you remember?
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sneak this into a scholastic bookfair, plant some real seeds of chaos
FancyShark
@gellaho , how long was the spaceship?
gellaho
Let me get the book
gellaho
Here it is
HeyitsTom
hahaha
"the length of ten men"
there, cleaned that up for you a bit
FancyShark
Hell yes. Thank you
gellaho
And I believe the character you were thinking of was Hans Huygens
MUCH MORE PENETRATION VELO
Oh good he didn't forget his Cervantes
HeyitsTom
also this is a very inefficient way to store your bikini barbarian babes
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except he did because that's the musical
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True, but it is a very effecient way to decorate your lizards
HeyitsTom
you think in that world, that's just the equivalent of a van guy in a parking lot?
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I hope so
Ferroday Plays Both Sides
is that the troll from The Neverending Story below the horse on the right?
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The face of a hero
HeyitsTom
I was thinking that too. he can't keep getting away with this
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Is that man wearing two helmets
FancyShark
And two faces
HeyitsTom
who mentioned scholastic earlier? You would think from the premise of "reality bike bunnyhops you into fantasy lands" this would be a YA title
but it's so gross and horny
who is the audience for this?
FancyShark
Sirota
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Mike Sirota
HeyitsTom
true
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And his neighbors who don't feel comfortable telling him they don't want a copy of his new book
HeyitsTom
and of course whoever he can corner at the new year's eve parties
Mordred Dances with Werewoofs
Ma-ma-ma-Mike Sirota
HeyitsTom
oh, summary bot really latches on to the way I speak sometimes
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HeyitsTom
haha
GDC
Yeah let's just put a moratorium on books for a while.
HeyitsTom
I think we can all agree mistakes have been made
Brendan
Yeah, but how big are her feet and what kind of cat-titties does she have?
I fell into steak dinner and a good horror movie. What happened to him after he defeated the other Earth schlub?
FancyShark
(sigh) Alright, @gellaho , I swear this is the last time outside of holiday weeks for the year, but I'm going to have to miss the book read on Friday. Family in town. Sorry. But I hope Jack gets his neck caught in the bike chain
Mordred Dances with Werewoofs
Awww we're gonna miss the emojis
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We're doing a part 2 to the Amazing Bicycle Book: in the rich tradition of Douglas Adams?
FancyShark
Absolutely. We didn't finish it last week
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Same time as last week?
The Badgers in the Discords
Yup!
A new shitty book adventure every Friday at 5pm Eastern, unless we didn't finish the last one, then it'll be more of that
gellaho
Unacceptable. You should recognize me as your only family.
The Book Cage: Episode 106.5 - Bicycling Through Space and Time Part 2
Well, we already met kid Hitler and God, or Ralph Ralph as the hilarious Mike Sirota called him. There's been a horny catgirl from the planet Vulva, and an exceedingly long journey on the cuckold planet. Where can we possibly go from here? I know good ol' Charlie Manson shows up, but to find out the rest, join me this Friday, 5pm eastern.
gellaho
gellaho
Friday the 13th, what could possibly go wrong?
gellaho
Coming up on the top of the hour, it's the conclusion of Bicycling Through Space and Time and possibly something else. Here's where we left off
gellaho
And here's where we're going
The Badgers in the Discords
Where are you, Indiana Jones?
A lonely nation turns its eyes to you
Hey hey hey
a chill ghost
Indians Jones sold me meth in Pea Ridge, Arkansas in 1983
you edited the post and now my joke doesn't make sense
gellaho
Time to resume the process
HeyitsTom
woo
The Badgers in the Discords
Aw jeez here we go again.
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In the hilarious tradition of Douglas Adams will never stop being an assault
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I can't wait to find out about my favorite fully fleshed out characters like Old Guy and... I think his name was Mike?
gellaho
Jack wants to go see God again (Ralph Ralph), but can't find the portal.
Holly Dragonette
shaqtoberfest jakesy
Of the Henny Penny Dragonettes?
The Badgers in the Discords
HOLLY DRAGONARD MAKES THE IMPOSSIBLE POSSIoh wait whoops
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Holly Dragonette of the the New England Dragonnettes?
Mordred Dances with Werewoofs
gellaho
Jack, you don't need to visit me, please
GDC
I hate missing the first half of these.
shaqtoberfest jakesy
I missed most of the first half and I have a feeling it's not going to matter
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Hasn't mattered so far
His bike is a tardis
How do you embed a spoon in jello
gellaho
And then he finds himself in Raiders of the Lost Ark
gellaho
Hi-larious
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Well shucks and jee willickers
Mordred Dances with Werewoofs
Bearing down on his ass!
Nearly filling the entire shaft!
gellaho
look niches
shaqtoberfest jakesy
You've already horned up the robot earlier! It's just getting stronger now
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Damn now there are two shafts
This would be a decent questprobe
Mordred Dances with Werewoofs
That can happen if a male fetus gets too much estrogen in the womb.
shaqtoberfest jakesy
Two shafts are better than one
gellaho
Jack thinks this is a great opportunity to think about Roger Maris
shaqtoberfest jakesy
Yeah sometimes I think about baseball too when filling the shaft
Wait is this actually a sex metaphor now
The Badgers in the Discords
"Just lie back and think of baseball", that classic sentiment
HeyitsTom
is that the joke, maybe? or is this just nothing?
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Who the fuck is Roger Maris
Oh the joke is that his dad is named Henry Miller
shaqtoberfest jakesy
Yeah I'm starting to wonder if it's on purpose now
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Like the much better writer Henry Miller
gellaho
All that baseball made him forget about his magical video-game amulet that gives him bonus lives
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He's so averse to swearing
But only when it's lame to be
gellaho
Good news: The boulder was a hologram
Bad news: The piss isn't
shaqtoberfest jakesy
Rest in Piss bike guy
The Badgers in the Discords
Our hero, ladies and germs
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God damn it Jake please be cool for like three minutes in a row
HeyitsTom
what does he mean honest to god this time?
did he lie about pissing himself in the past? and why?
shaqtoberfest jakesy
Lol
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Was he lying to us about the time he
gellaho
A wonderful day at the carnival with your pants full of piss
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Wait didn't he shit himself last time?
Oh he's in an Atari
This is even more Ready Player One than before
gellaho
Exclamation point!
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!
Doesn't exactly this happen in a douglas addams book
gellaho
Mike Sirota returns with his favorite thing: references!
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"This is better than the cantina scene in Star Wars" - Mike Sirota, In The Hilarious Tradition of Douglas Adams
shaqtoberfest jakesy
He's about two steps away from going into a Family Guy cutaway gag
gellaho
Jack is ridiculed by a freakling
HeyitsTom
ok I'm putting that alien in as an ai prompt
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Oh he mentioned Rodney Dangerfield, a Funny Person! Comedy achieved
gellaho
The other children tell, ugh, Pahtui to leave
HeyitsTom
HeyitsTom
as I thought, pumpkin was confusing
gellaho
PLEASE IGNORE MY PISS
HeyitsTom
HeyitsTom
"I had to go to the bathroom, hence the puddle in there. Ok your turn kids, have fun!"
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"I haven't stopped pissing. Bye, kids!"
gellaho
Mike Sirota writes his 539th Star Trek reference
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"I still haven't stopped pissing, kids."
Jake/Jack waddles off like a hero
HeyitsTom
ohhhh I get it
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Did you chuckle?
HeyitsTom
no
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You should've, this is comedy
HeyitsTom
maybe I just don't like douglas adams. I thought he was one of my favourite authors of all time, but clearly I was wrong
MUCH MORE PENETRATION VELO
Comedy is when you mention other things baseball
gellaho
Time to marvel at future toilets
HeyitsTom
I've now rendered the frozen turkey aliens as well if anyone wants to see
GDC
He doesn't know how to use the three seashells
Areze
This man has a desire to shit on the floor of an upscale department store.
MUCH MORE PENETRATION VELO
This is an author working through trauma
HeyitsTom
gellaho
So, a couple of issues with this toilet computer. The main one being: how do you fuck up the order for #1 and #2?
HeyitsTom
truly the future is a strange and disturbing place
gellaho
Mike Sirota is so bad at comedy, he can't do a #1 and #2 joke
And do you get arrested for choosing #4 in a public restroom?
HeyitsTom
"This Federation toilet welcomes your ejaculate, citizen!"
gellaho
No time for any of that, it's time for Jack to piss in something's mouth
gellaho
This is all certainly more convenient than a toilet
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I've never wanted a main character to die in a toilet before
GDC
I'm on team Dick Eating Hose
gellaho
I think there are many more pressing complaints George would have about this book, Sirota
MUCH MORE PENETRATION VELO
So Sirota has heard of comedy before
at least twice
HeyitsTom
"think about how insane the average self-published sci fi author is..."
gellaho
Future means things are impractically shaped
HeyitsTom
this one sucks, I'm not rendering it
gellaho
This theme park currency exchange includes an antique currency auction house. For some reason
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"Would you believe" No, because you won't let me, Mike
Areze
we should make this required reading in elementary school
just to see what happens
for SCIENCE!
HeyitsTom
"I am a fish out of water," said the protagonist. "I will explain things to you now," said the supporting character
gellaho
Jack's parachute breaks in the parachute simulator, better do another Star Trek reference
gellaho
But don't you worry, Star Wars, you get a reference too
gellaho
Mike just cannot help himself
HeyitsTom
what an innovator
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He spelled Kenobi wrong
And I refuse to look at anything else on this page
gellaho
Editing is hard. Especially when you don't do it
Brendan
Nothing makes me giggle quite like Doom's bluster, pomposity, and contempt.
Alright, catch me up on this book today.
gellaho
So, Jack wanders around a theme park for a while
Brendan
Mo, you are plainly Metamorpho. Okay, let's do it. He was a real one.
gellaho
Jack encountered a toilet that sucks out your pee. And hung around alien kids in a theme park
The Badgers in the Discords
so he found a catheter?
MUCH MORE PENETRATION VELO
Jack's pissing all over the place and hanging out with children
gellaho
After a while, the kids ask him if he wants to see the porno section of the park
Brendan
Was this the same stop?
HeyitsTom
yep
Brendan
Jack is now a time-bike pervert
Areze
yes we love the cocksucker toilet
this a very normal thing
no im not under arrest
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Jack no
gellaho
Mike Sirota seems overly familiar with the pervy sections of San Diego
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Jack I know you haven't made a good decision yet but please
Brendan
hanging out by the deviant bathrooms at the kids' playground
Brendan
You should see the other 15 cities his editor cut.
gellaho
You know, this thing we've all done
