109: Tom Swift #10: Mind Games Victor Appleton

Brendan!™

So I need you to send me out big, Gellaho.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

yeah that sounds awesome

Brendan!™

Give me Tom's most negligent science.

FancyShark

Hell yeah. Have fun, Mr. Gentleman Bastard!

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

WE ALREADY HAVE IT BECAUSE HE JUST SINGULARITIED

Hampire

Make the ghosts of 1700s priests weep, you beautiful bastard

gellaho

Tom Swift's security system consists of pointless rock trivia

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

oh I thouht it would be like minerals

because Tom's a fucking nerd

Hampire

Is it a bad sign that I'm twitching over that

FancyShark

Tom Swift, the boy who likes to show off his passwords

Hampire

Like if it's tied to your voice why even have the shitty password

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

His unccessary passwords, since it works via voice recognition.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

that is an excellent question which will go unanswered

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

To impress Mandy with his rock knowledge.

gellaho

Bruce understands technology

FancyShark

He just got a subscription to VH1 and will not let people get away without hearing about it

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

oh shit there's the answer

Hampire

I'm sorry it's named Megatron

I genuinely don't know whether that's cool or not. I'm leaning towards not

gellaho

Security files? What could go wrong?

Brendan!™

I just don't trust that superintelligent, sentient computer with my personal info but it's Prime Day so I guess it can measure my shits.

Hampire

At the very least the author did predict that robots would want to know every detail about your body and activities

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

see this is so rigged

the second Tom loses the game he makes everyone play the new version hosted on his own magic computer

Hampire

Tom, you're the worst. Not you Discord Tom

You're cool

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

everyone else is only playing along for the faint chance to kill him

thank you sir

Hampire

If he gets distracted brain him and steal the computer

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

"Dont worry, Tom, I have calculated the exact amount of nutrients you flesh beasts must consume to survive, based on the intake of the Rick beast."

gellaho

The thing about it being called Megatron is that Tom Swift could have had that name before Transformers. Tom Swift is over a hundred years old. But nobody on the internet cares, so it's impossible to look up

FancyShark

"But he's diabetic."

"..."

"Hello?"

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

oh god yeah it's learning how to keep their bodies alive while it traps their minds in the game

Hampire

He's how old

I thought he was a teenager

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

"unrelated query: how do I keep feeding tubes from causing infection?"

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

"I will ensure maximal opportunities for you to do the deep kissing with the female beasts, Tom."

gellaho

What could possibly go wrong

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

yeah he's a teen genius

Brendan!™

Are we committing to that? I haven't seen Discord Tom's Matrix yet.

gellaho

The character was invented in 1910

Brendan!™

What's its user kill rate?

Hampire

Ah, okay.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

oh no I'm being judged

Velo Martingale

This is THAT Tom Swift?!

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

hahahaha

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Yes he of Electric Rifle fame.

Velo Martingale

I assumed it was different since it's such a generic name!

Holy shit

Hampire

Discord Tom, unless you can make the digital world of the future not shit you are uncool

jk

FancyShark

Wow. No pressure

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

too many double negatives, I got confused and made the future shit

Velo Martingale

gellaho

Surprise fire

Brendan!™

So I'm clear: they had a computer in a perfect simulacrum, and then quit it to go play tabletop games on two boring-ass real computers, refereed by ANOTHER supercomputer, this one run by a hopefully still-friendly AI.

Hampire

You just remade the Metaverse didn't you

Brendan!™

They have God and His Creation on silicon, and they just chased the wonders of the imagination minus the challenge of math.

FancyShark

And the first one almost killed two people, one of whom created it

Velo Martingale

It sure does read that way yeah

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

I think they went back to the first supercomputer after thenormal computer didn't let Tom win

gellaho

Velo Martingale

But the second was Alan, so we know it's still following its basic programming

Velo Martingale

Holy shit

Hampire

See Tom Swift and His Giant Cannon sounds cool and like something gets blown up

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

The normal computer and the meat beast refereeing did not satisfy Toms lust to melt the cerebra of his classmates.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

oh also I skipped over this part where Megatron used a real supervillain as inspiration for the game

surely that won't backfire at all

Hampire

Tom Swift Accidentally Causes the Singularity Playing Shitty Warhammer is much less okay

Brendan!™

Original Tom Swift sounds radder than the underside of the pipeline wave.

Velo Martingale

Okay? No. Rad? As fuck.

Brendan!™

Who's this kid? He's fucking 12 and he has a motorcycle and a giant cannon.

Hampire

I mean if you just go purely off of that title and make it not as insufferable it's rad as fuck

Brendan!™

Is he going to combine them and do a moto-moon shot? I don't know, let's find out.

gellaho

Probably shouldn't be compacting those batteries

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

"oh no that's the building where we were developing Double Fire."

FancyShark

Damage control is the janitor

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Dad is basically inventing the battery in the Samsung Galaxy Note.

gellaho

Brendan!™

The doctor is ready for you now, Mr. Galan.

Hampire

It would be such a different book if they just took out "Space"

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Dad is fuckin dicking around with batteries and Tom is building a machine that can do anything.

gellaho

Seems safe

Hampire

"You're gonna want to get that lump inside checked out, Gary"

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

Tom Swift is young now, but he knows he'll get to a certain age where he needs to get probed, and he wanted that device to be as sci fi as possible

Velo Martingale

So Tom's been batshit for a century

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Fuck you Bruce, "Solid electricity"!

Hampire

Goddamn it Tom there's a sex shop somewhere that has LED light dildos

You don't need to do this

Brendan!™

Dad still retires rich while Tom's forced to take a tech job to get health insurance, then gets laid off to hear from Dad how soft he is for not taking two jobs or offering to work for a paycut.

FancyShark

"It will also weigh as much as thirty car batteries, because conservation of mass is stupid"

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Assuming Tom doesnt upload his brain to the internet before he turns 21 and become CyberChrist.

Hampire

Tom Swift and The Electric Coming of Nu-Christ

Velo Martingale

Tom's going to upload his brain into a battery

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

"Solid electricity" is making me so fucking mad.

Brendan!™

Tom Swift's Electric Lawnmower Man

Hampire

I just yelled "solid electricity" out of sheer confusion

What

How

Why

gellaho

Megatron you rapscallion

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

I was just googling solid electricity, and as far as I cna tell it's not even a theory

Hampire

I feel like an ape who's having a conversation about nuclear physics

FancyShark

You programmed a computer to account for "maybe"?

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Why would adding "Mayybeeee?!" to "Yes" and "No" help at all, Tom?

Velo Martingale

Electric bricks!

FancyShark

You fucking idiot. How do you think light switches work?

Velo Martingale

Power cubes!

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

so even megatron doesn't know how its fuzzly logic circuits work

gellaho

"You know, that vital function that society needs"

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

this is certainly very safe and cool, Tom

Velo Martingale

Well. When the switch feels like the vibe is right

FancyShark

Ooo, I did forget dimmer switches

Velo Martingale

See, science nerds?

Gettings yourselves all worked up

gellaho

You're a regular Bruce

gellaho

Which I think means I hate you

FancyShark

I hate me too if that's making me Bruce

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

"which is a great thing for it to do when it's hooked up to Alan's brain"

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

"No, dad, my dangerous world ending experiment will SAVE LIVES! By.......simulating deaths and.....melting brains........No yeah im sure nothing bad will happen."

Velo Martingale

Bruce can't breathe underwater

And Shark definitely would've killed Alan by now

FancyShark

I'm willing to test that

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

"I WONDER WHAT ELECTROCUTING ALAN'S BRAIN WOULD BE LIKE," megatron thought. "FUN, MAYBE"

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Tom..........did you just give your computer the ability to just be wrong about things?

Hampire

I don't know much about programming, but I'm going to assume that just putting down "maybe" into a supercomputer's code doesn't do much

Brendan!™

I'm an idiot but I have long believed a trinary "maybe" computer or something like assigning a degree of certitude to any machine learning is the path to AI, and I can only respect this book for it.

Velo Martingale

Tom invented ChatGPT

Brendan!™

brendan

swift's

gellaho

You got two days, son, or else it's your badge on my desk!

Hampire

Tom Swift and His Bored Ape NFTs

Brendan!™

electric

brain

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Tom the reason computers can do certain things better is because they DONT work on hunches.

Brendan!™

BEB

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

it's better than that, he spent a billion dollars to allow the supercomputer to put "maybe" in its own brain without his supervision

Hampire

What in the goddamn

Hampire

Fuck it I'm gonna go live in the wilderness

Brendan!™

Tom Swift's Erotic Feet Pix

Hampire

If this is the future i want no part of it

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Best to do it before the Swift Enterprises Hunter-Killer drones roll out.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

"How are your feet?" Tom asked, trying to distract Alan from the singeing around his temples

Velo Martingale

"Oh Alan. You're out of the infirmiry."

"Yeah it's weird I think someone tried to solder the door shut."

"Oh. That was probably the computer that did that."

Brendan!™

Okay, I'm out. Enjoy your reading about a fictional RPG campaign, which is so much nerdier than just playing D&D

gellaho

I left out the part where the batteries fried only the soles of Alan's shoes

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

"My feet? Fine.........wait what would be wrong with my feet?! TOM! TOM?! WHAT WOUD BE WRONG WITH MY FEET!?"

Brendan!™

This is like below MLB sabermetrics-level nerd

FancyShark

Have a good night, @Brendan!™ !

gellaho

Don't ask how, nobody knows

Brendan!™

I just did!

Hampire

Tom Swift was the original NFT bro

Velo Martingale

This is why we need solid electricity!

gellaho

In the middle of the night, Tom Swift is drawn to the constantly malfunctioning robot and his computer game

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

oh you know I actually forgot about the latest electrical fire. I was still going off the start of the book where the electrical fire was in Alan's brain

Hampire

Enjoy your night of making priest wraiths howl with horny malice

Velo Martingale

Because when people are hit with a metric fuckton of electricity, like when they're struck by lightning, it can end up getting grounded by the rubber soles of their shoes

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

what could it hurt? Well quite a lot, Tom, I would wager

gellaho

It goes really well

FancyShark

Okay, this at least tracks for a nerd: staying up way too late to play video games

Velo Martingale

It usually means someones dead

Hampire

We must kill Tom Swift before he meets with Elon Musk

Velo Martingale

so the fact that Alan isn't is extremely suspicious

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

hey Tom remember last book where your VR computer invented an electrical supervillain who came into the real world and almost killed you?

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

"Dogecoin made with real doge!"

FancyShark

Tom's body was found the next morning by office cleaning staff

Hampire

That stupidity and that money combined will cause the world to become shitty Cybermen

Velo Martingale

Oh this is how iRobot starts

That makes sense

Hampire

"I found Bigfoot and made a cryptocurrency using his brain"

Wait shit that's too cool for this

gellaho

Huge and blue, just how Tom likes 'em

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

he just... put on the vr helmet that electrocutes brains and makes them think the simulation is real and can kill them

he just put it on

he knew all those things

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Tom Swift doesnt have a firm grasp of consequences, due to his teen brain.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

he even knew that it was using hsi real life nemesis to simulate the villain

Velo Martingale

Quiet Tom, Tom needs to embrace his destiny.

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

And now he never will, because of his electrocuted teen brain.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

he had so much information

Velo Martingale

Are you talking about Tinker?

gellaho

Maybe see a dentist

Velo Martingale

Hell yes Tinker

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Tom is the kind of dude who wrote his character an extensive backstory so its really a shame he's forgotten it now.

FancyShark

"En Taro Aduun, Tinker"

gellaho

Chameleon is the shittiest wizard

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

ok I'm calling it now, we're getting at least 3 ocasions where he should have arranged his puzzle gun into a useful configuration beforehand

gellaho

Gesundheit

FancyShark

lol, such sorcery

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

All it took was a cantrip, not even a spell slot.

Velo Martingale

"I threw a rock."

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

"maybe we should shut up and hide, then?" no one said

Velo Martingale

"GOOD STEALTHING" Tinker shouted

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Tho with a name like "Chameleon" this wizard is obviously just an illusionist.

gellaho

Let's see, what kind of exotic name does this robot pirate have

Velo Martingale

Robot Long John Silver

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

ah but with mastery over the enemy's senses one can achieve anything

gellaho

Velo Martingale

Captain Argh (Robot)

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

except hit them with a big fireball

FancyShark

Or a sexy lady with a pet iguana

Velo Martingale

fuck that was my next guess

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Robot pirate............Peter.

Obviously a spy. Kill him and see what's in his pockets.

Velo Martingale

Yargh

I've joined team pirate

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

I think I hate chameleon

Velo Martingale

Statistically pirates are most likely to kill Alan

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

"I made a bush grow a cast for him"

gellaho

You know, a cube-fist

Velo Martingale

CUBE

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

THE CUBE!

Velo Martingale

the cube

FancyShark

"It can only interface with the prostate."

"Why would-"

"I don't make the rules."

gellaho

Bruce has given up on writing Tom Swift, and is now doing this

Hampire

I would give all of my money and recant my words against this book if there is a time cube

Velo Martingale

I don't know who you're talking about this book has always been about Tinker

Tinker and his quest to slay Alan

gellaho

The worst wizard

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

just give Tinker some false memories

for fuck's sake

Hampire

"LET'S KILL ALAN" clap, clap, clap clap clap

Velo Martingale

Worst wizard, second best Chameleon

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

oh she's the Lizard Wizard

Velo Martingale

So she uses their Karma for her magic

so she's a karma chameleon

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Fuckin Bruce, you watched Star Wars on VHS didnt you?

Hampire

I hate myself for immediately thinking "Karma-karma-karma-karma-chameleon"

gellaho

Energy wraiths attack, and let me tell you, this part suuuuuucks

Velo Martingale

Peter the Pirate needs to be saved by the Puzzle Pistol

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

oh does he have to spend five minutes assembling his gun while dodging infinity attacks? why yes what a great character with a very powerful power

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

OR conversely, you could kill Peter and wear his skin as a suit to hide from the wraiths.

Hampire

I vote murdering and skinning Peter

Velo Martingale

That's what Alan is for damn it!

Hampire

It's only practical

gellaho

Not a single part of that makes sense

Velo Martingale

It's alien logic

Hampire

What energy energy and what principles

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

ITs a fucking Borderlands gun with swappable modifiers, stop acting like its a big deal Bruce.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

was peter the pirate one of the player characters???

Hampire

Bruce, honey, no

gellaho

Ah, yes, the gun nozzle

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

who can't defend himself or do anything?

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

ALMOST LIKE BEING FRIENDS WITH TOM FUCKING SWIFT

Hampire

I'm not sure anyone actually knows

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Bruce this isnt a puzzle, its specialized ammo, have you been reading the Judge Dredd strips again?

gellaho

Bruce never made it past his first physics class

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

almost like it sucks or something

Hampire

Can anyone explain what actual energy he is using

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

Puzzle Energy

Hampire

Or is it like new age energy where it's nothing

FancyShark

So the gun is just a fancy way to kamikaze

Velo Martingale

Alien puzzle. Next question.

Hampire

Next question: What in the fuck is Alien Puzzle energy

Velo Martingale

The thing that powers the gun. Next question.

Hampire

I demand answers, Tim Swift Corp or whatever the fuck this kid's name is

Tom?

gellaho

Twist? Cyborgs captured Chameleon and Peter is also a cyborg

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

Tim Swoft

Velo Martingale

Tinker's a real glass canon build

Hampire

How much amphetamine do you think was involved in the creation of this

FancyShark

"Who are you? Why am I asking when I could have checked your ID. Do you smell toast?"

gellaho

Oh, no Peter died. Who gives a shit

Hampire

Eh

Velo Martingale

PETER THE PIRATE NOOOOOO

Hampire

Who?

Velo Martingale

HE WAS GOING TO KILL ALAN

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

guys I think this book might suck

Hampire

Alan can be killed with a light breeze

Find him and push him

Velo Martingale

brb gotta go cry on the floor

Hampire

I had not considered this

gellaho

Let me just check how long this video game bullshit goes on for

Hampire

It's an interesting hypothesis

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

seriously was peter one of the 4 player characters and if not who are they

gellaho

Hmm, fifty more pages

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

yikes