109: Tom Swift #10: Mind Games Victor Appleton

Hampire

Fuck you that's who

Velo Martingale

Is it the entire rest of the book?

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

lol

Hampire

No questions

Tim Swoft Corp will not allow any questions

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

hang on Tom had a sister in the last book. Has she been around?

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Yeah she was briefly mentioned.

gellaho

They get Chameleon back, lose the blue guy, and bury Peter in beer

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

She was with Mandy at the beach party where Tom was thinking about RPGs.

Hampire

Holy shit some canon continuity

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

oh yeah

Hampire

This was in accordance with his last will and testament

FancyShark

"I will shape bushes in your honor"

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

"And that is how my barber shop went out of business."

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

"anyway, that's how I lost my medical lisense"

gellaho

Blah blah blah, they save the princess

Velo Martingale

Oh no they were tricked by...

...

They were tricked.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

oh this is what hedge wizards are

thanks everyone I wasn't sure if that counted as a real joke or not

gellaho

Then they find a robot band (it's just like the band on the beach, you get it?)

gellaho

Fuck

Velo Martingale

I

Can't mock this

These are the sad dribblings of a decaying mind

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

ok this is proof that Tom's computer has altered the game

which is fucking bullshit because Tom is a competitor

Velo Martingale

I'm sorry Bruce

FancyShark

All this buildup can't disguise the fact that they are playing a game that is one encounter with one enemy

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

hahahaha Toms computer picked up on how much Mandy's cousin sucks and is just waiting for his personal Hitler to come along.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

focus your rage on Tom's inherent privilege

Hampire

What in the name of Satan's majestic dong is happening

gellaho

Let's say I was a kid in 1992 who liked these Tom Swift books (I know, but bear with me). The idea of having to get through 70 pages of this horseshit would be excruciating

Velo Martingale

When you say 'horse shit' do you mean to say 'thrilling adventure'?

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

every great dnd game focuses entirely on one character, right?

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

To be fair, only one real person is playing so yeah kinda.

Tom has made Baldurs Gate But For Brains

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

true

if I remember correctly the blue giant character was played by Rick, so that explains why he's useless

gellaho

This kind of thing has always irritated me, like i know you're going to get back to the actual plot why arre you wasting my time

Amnesia is always a bad idea, kids

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

yeah it needs to be either the whole plot or much less of the plot

FancyShark

It's always either to pad the page count or to sneak in something that the author couldn't get published otherwise

Velo Martingale

You're saying you don't think The Amazing Adventures of Tinker would make it as a standalone?

FancyShark

I'm saying swiss army knives make great gifts

gellaho

Hey, look, it's the cover.... zzzzzzzz

FancyShark

hahahaha, wait

That means the Danny McBride guy is Dedstorm?

That's great

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

there's only 3 other characers in this reality and one of them is a dead pirate

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Is Dedstorm gonna tell us he dont need no instructions to know how to rock?

gellaho

This series already did this...well I don't want to say right, but better wiith the shapeshifting alien clriminal from another dimension

I thought the videogame was going to come to life and fuck up the real world

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

I thought all the players would get stuck in here, not just Tom

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

This one has an important message for kids about not thinking videogames and D&D are real tho, Bruce is out there doing the youths a solid.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

and I figured gary would get brain zapped and immerse himself perfectly into the Dedstorm role and try to kill them all

Velo Martingale

Just so everyone can visualise the moment properly

FancyShark

"Behold my Kenny Fucking Powers"

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

It's the Adventures of Tom Swift and not the Adventures of Tom Swift and his Amazing Friends.

gellaho

It's just so dorky

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

sometimes these books have such amazing cover art that you worry they won't get to realise the full majesty of it in the actual story

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

and sometimes it looks like that

hey dedstorm maybe don't give him time to reconfigure his puzzle gun

gellaho

Fucking 8 ellipses

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Doing his best Bill Shatner.

Velo Martingale

It's a turn based game even in vr

gellaho

He destroys the energy bridge

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Also I love that the artist didnt get any kind of details to work with so he gave one character an uncircumcised rod instead of a gun, and the other guy a gun instead of some kind of belt device.

gellaho

Oh, he's out there juggling so many cylinders

it's so exciting

FancyShark

That's some Brooke shit

gellaho

Hearing about somebody's character loadouts, boy do I love it

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

also I can't help but notice that Dedstorm is holding a gun and still has a gun in his holster?

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

That one fires celebratory cannolis.

Velo Martingale

Dedstorm comes prepared

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

fun!

gellaho

Can't say I really know what's happening

FancyShark

It'd be great if he conjured a platform and splattered against it

Velo Martingale

Tinker's super power is his ability to fall crazy slow

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

ok remember in the hit film batman and Robin, where the heroes and Mr Freeze are all falling out of orbit towards Gotham?

gellaho

What in the actual fuck

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

Mr Freeze survives by shooting his ice gun downwards, somehow slowing himself in a way that doesn't make sense

gellaho

Buh, huh? Swing?

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

What?

FancyShark

That's right. Thicken that bridge.

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

T H I C K E N

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

where did Tinker stood?

brain hurt

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Someplace?

gellaho

Ahuh, sure. Bushes

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

common visual metaphor, ant under hammer

remmeber in Avengers when Loki said "an ant has no quarrel with a hammer"

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

ITs great how the bush wizard is being so useful and her notional player isnt even a recurring character.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

great line

gellaho

Sure, sure. Whatever

FancyShark

Of course!

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Steal that belt!

gellaho

Mandy is Tom's love interest throughout

FancyShark

That's the kind of thought that fills Tom with pleasure

Velo Martingale

Steal! That! Belt!

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

which is why Mandy sometimes cries when no one is looking

Velo Martingale

I don't know who you're talking about, this is a story about Tinker

FancyShark

The puzzle gun would be much more fun if it fired sudoku and jigsaw pieces

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

I thought Mandy was the Princess tho?

Velo Martingale

I genuinely thought the puzzle gun was going to fire Cubes

gellaho

The princess is Tom's sister, I believe

Then the top half of the robot takes off, and the bottom explodes

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Ive decided they're the same character now.

FancyShark

Thwarted by lack of topiary

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Mandy is also Toms sister.

gellaho

Also seems kind of shitty design for one of your characters to be completely useless in the most important location in your game

Like you have a plant wizard, and the end location can't grow plants

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

and yet if the end location had an anti-puzzle field suddenly Tom has to go change the whole simulation

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Yeah sure would be bad if you could only do things in certain terrain and the game doesnt happen in those terrains Sweats in 5e ranger.

gellaho

Then they lick nectar from the petals of the wizard's flower

FancyShark

uh

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

To be fair this is why if you do nature stuff you keep a beehive with you.

Velo Martingale

oh

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

stand in 2 buckets of your preferred terrain, Like Davy Jones

Hampire

I left to take a shower and come back to teenagers licking a wizard's flower

gellaho

Hampire

That feels illegal

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

it's getting more important that we clarify if the plant wizard is his sister or girlfriend

gellaho

FancyShark

Given some of the interactions he's had with his sister, could be either

gellaho

Hey, wait a minute

gellaho

Plasteel!? Bruce, you dickhead

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

oh fuck off plasteel

FancyShark

It's no nysteel

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

any other fake metal I'm fine with but plasteel sucks

Velo Martingale

Not even close to nysteel

gellaho

Nuts.

FancyShark

"We should be drowning in nuts"

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

couldn't have done this scene with fruit, Bruce

had to be nuts didn't it bruce

gellaho

Chocked by his neck-ring.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

something deep within you needed these teen characters do be guzzling down nuts

FancyShark

"Our mouths should be filled to bursting with nuts"

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

Rick's character once gain almost dies sitting around doing nothing

FancyShark

Envoy Carradine

gellaho

They could've gotten real sloppy and sticky with fruit

Velo Martingale

Finally someone in these books knows how to choke!

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

remember the time Rick got shot with the evolution gun and became a future human who was a total dick?

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Fruit is objectively hornier.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

that was fun

gellaho

And, he's dead

Velo Martingale

Dang

Drat

Darn

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

time is puzzle gun energy?

Velo Martingale

Well toss him in the pile with patrick or something

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Does..........the puzzle gun charge in reverse?

Like does its ammo decay or..........

FancyShark

We're never going to learn what a deathhawk is, are we?

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

What the fuck?

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

are they using the puzzle gun to stay alive right now, somehow?

gellaho

The gun constantly loses energy over time. Loses more energy when you use it. And there's no way to recharge it

gellaho

It's a well designed game

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

oh so it's an even worse weapon than I already thought

and I thought it was the worst

gellaho

Fuck you, Bruce

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

lol its worse than the laser lance in Chainsaw Warrior!

Rad.

gellaho

GET ON WITH IT, BRUCE

gellaho

Amnesia is such a terrible device, I swear

Velo Martingale

This is actually great if you just give Tinker the most gravelly voice you can muster

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Just..........fucking end it Bruce, the stakes are "Tom loses at D&D" fuck off.

FancyShark

Amnesia only works when the audience doesn't know the shit the character forgot

And even then

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

this might be the simulation that kills you, I'm not sure

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

At least when he turned Rick into a soulless kung fu killing machine there were stakes.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

oh yeah rick also turned into a super strong 3 foot tall chimp who murdered a whole football team

man the last book was a lot more fun than this one

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

It is but since Tom Swift is the only one in it its certainly not going to.

gellaho

Dedstorm unleashes his most powerful weapon: minor irritants

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Bruce doesnt have the balls to kill a teen.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

I just mean TECHNICALLY the stakes are high here even though we know he's not going to lose and who cares

gellaho

These legendary heroes kind of suck

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

I... what

"the last wraith reached for her butt"

my eyes saw for just a second

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Hahahahaha "Trapped in a Wheelbarrow". how the fuck is any of this supposed to help Tom win the big game tomorrow?

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

I honestly think he's going to learn the value of teamwork

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Like Gary isnt going to be thinking of shit like that, he's just a Teen Hitler.

gellaho

So, he also gets crushed by the wheelbarrow cage and dies

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

oh fuck it then

gg everybody

gellaho

So it's like the beginning, which makes it clever

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

I was wrong, no stakes

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

hahahahaha dying by being crushed by a wheelbarrow is like fuckin Zork deaths.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

lots of mistakes, no stakes

gellaho

It's like a poem, it rhymes

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Now it would rule if Tom had his brain erased and now is only Tinker.

gellaho

Anyway, that was pointless

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

hahahahah

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

"my invention is great! What is my middle name!"

Velo Martingale

"Why does Alan smell so bad? Oh."

FancyShark

Listen. Bruce, was it? This is fascinating, but my stop is coming up. So if you could please let me stand up and head towards the door...

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Tom has to relearn what soup is but overall a success.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

"no but then he has to rejoin his team and play the game for real right so where are you going don't edge towards the door anyway Tom knows that gary will use the energy bridge..."

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Meanwhile Gary didnt think of any of this so Tom is not prepared at all.

gellaho

Gary Guantanamo pushes up his glasses and laughs, nasally

FancyShark

The adenoids of wrath

Velo Martingale

Gary is extremely stoppable

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Maybe just kick Gary in the balls and take your dice and go home?

Velo Martingale

We're going to find out Gary's in a wheelchair or something by the end of this

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

He seems like a dick anyway.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

I think you could distract Gary by telling him Elon Musk retweeted him

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Gary is going to be the guy who has to leave the Renfaire after incidents with the tavern wenches.

gellaho

Rick's snacking rivaling that of a Hardy Boy

FancyShark

Bruce, most people only follow along when the stakes are "protagonist might lose tournament" if it's Bloodsport or something. Even friends will at most nod politely when hearing about a competition a buddy was in, because they care about their friend.

Bruce, do you hear me?

Bruce?

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

hahahaha Mandy out there with the actual good strat, spy shit.

"Hey guys, Gary is a dick, maybe his team doesnt like him?"

FancyShark

Rick takes out an entire roast pig and begins to munch

gellaho

Bruce writing this like it's a cartoon selling a trading card game to kids, except there's not an actual product

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

"so then they spy on the other team to learn gary's weakness because gary's so good he has no weakness but they find out his hey where are you going oh cool I'll follow you"

FancyShark

God, this is what Photon threatened to be before David Peters got assigned

Hampire

Bruce, honey, it's your family. We haven't seen you in weeks. We're worried that you're getting too caught up with this book. Anytime we've been able to hear you you've been mumbling about alien puzzle energy.

Velo Martingale

Rick unhinges his jaw and swallows Alan

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

I can't believe the wheelbarrow force field strat convinced Tom that gary has no weakness

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

yeah thats how they combine.

gellaho

Not in 100 million years, Bruce. You goddamn dweeb

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

I cant believe Tom has fooled himself into thinking that Gary Gitmoe, high school dipshit, is a diabolical genius.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

"Oh hey dad so I finshed the tinker section I call it that because Tom forgets who he is while he's in the simulation no I can't come home for Thanksgiving I need to finish this chapter"

Velo Martingale

Jefferson High has 20 students

That's the only logical solution

gellaho

Weirdly we know what that's like because there was a second Photon series

Except it was real boring

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Bruce......not even when Magic: The Gathering was at the peak of its popularity would a WHOLE school care about nerd shit.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

I truly cannot believe the final showdown is the normal game in the school cafetareia, and not the crazy sci fi VR world that can kill you

what is rising tension

FancyShark

"And they all showed up and apologized for laughing when he tried to get them to look at the rulebook he brought to school and never smeared ketchup or frosting in his hair or threw his books in the ditch when I specifically asked them not to"

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

It stretches credulity to think youd even have enough kids for a Smash Bros tournament NOW, let alone a double elimination competitive RPG.

gellaho

That's not what that facial expression means, Bruce

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

this author knew a Gary

Gary did something real bad to Bruce in school

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

This author almost certainly WAS a Gary.

Hampire

Theirs was a tale of high intrigue, romance and betrayal

FancyShark

Gygax never returned Bruce's letters

gellaho

Ahuh

Eerie Queen Mordred 👑

Gitmo?

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

see this would make sense if his brain had been fried to believe that he was a real space hitler

Hampire

What does pinched fingers mean here

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

but in the school cafeteria the dialog rings a little hollow

Eerie Queen Mordred 👑

Like "chef's kiss"

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Which is impressive because Gygax was renowned for shit like that, there was a real possibility of angling an invite to play D&D with Gygax if you lived near his house.

gellaho

Gary Guantanamo is dweeb supreme

Hampire

Are we sure he didn't just always believe he was space Hitler

Velo Martingale

Wait no this all makes sense

Everyone showed up to watch Tom lose humiliatingly

FancyShark

What's a hitler?

Sorry, thinking about Photon

Hampire

Everyone despises Tom (not Discord Tom, we love you)

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

actually yeah that does make it more believable

gellaho

I repeat, the worst spectator event I could imagine

gellaho

It's never far from my thoughts

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

"Championship for our unrelased, and vastly expensive computer aided RPG! Its just an alpha!"

Hampire

This sounds like the most boring shit.

You can't even yell "fuck you Tom!"? What's the point then?

Eerie Queen Mordred 👑

"I cast Magic Missile"

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

just silently savour the defeat in his eyes

Hampire

Just let me scream obscenities at these people

FancyShark

"Why are you casting magic missle? There's nothing to attack here!"

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

he's terrorized this town for years

Velo Martingale

"I made this game and I brought to my son's school to mock him. It was going to be a sick burn in front of all his friends. But then you fucking dorks thought it was serious. That was eight months ago. None of you have cuaght on. This game fucking sucks."

Eerie Queen Mordred 👑

"... I'm attacking the darkness!"

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

what is that from? I've only heard that as a 2nd hand reference

gellaho

Alan "steals" Gary Guantanamo's "strategy" of throwing everything at them

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

This game would cost you so much to play, depending on what kind of computer you needed. Good luck finding six people with two thousand dollar rigs.

FancyShark

Listen to it later, but this

https://youtu.be/9Kgx2b1sIRs?si=E86ondPPSkTsw5cR

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

thank you kindly

Velo Martingale

God damn it Alan die with honor!

gellaho

Tracy Shaw approves of this

gellaho

I wonder if she's related to Callie

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

what is happening?

Eerie Queen Mordred 👑

https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/the-dead-alewives-dungeons-and-dragons

Velo Martingale

Tracy!

Hampire

Alan so help me god if you don't die in the next 5 seconds I am going to go up on stage and beat you to death with a plastic chair

FancyShark

His blood runs hot! Like warm soda!

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

oh this is the other team with alan as the bad guy

Velo Martingale

We all remember Tracy!

She's here!

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Yeah.

Hampire

Is Tracy the sister?

Velo Martingale

Everyone share their favorite Tracy anecdote

gellaho

Tracy is too into this

Hampire

She came to my grandpa's funeral and got wasted