Velo, Electric Ghost
But the Netflix documentary about her is going to be fascinating
123: Tom Swift #9: Fire Biker Victor Appleton
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A wrong turn on the road to discovery can lead through a deadly line of fire!
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Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Its probably better he does, if Tom was let into a less advanced lab with substandard safety precautions hed still be building atomic jet bikes, hed just be endangering people more.
Like Oppenheimer, he should either be shot and thrown in a ditch or put to useful work in a safe environment.
FancyShark
Second one's going to happen any day now
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
For the good of all humankind Tom Swift should be Leonard of Quirmed
Brendo
Spoiler, dude.
gellaho
Her eyes were moist
gellaho
Brendo
Over a working cold fusion model???
Brendo
This is actually us the readers learning her name.
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
"Who? Oh right the girl who died in that fire Tom started with his orbital laser cannon."
FancyShark
Maybe aim higher than "high school science fair award" for honoring your dead friend, Sandra
gellaho
It should have been yours Leo! While Joy cries in heaven
Velo, Electric Ghost
I got distracted
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Okay a simple computer program that reads a database and lights up an LED vs a fucking JET BIKE AND A FIRE PROOF SUIT?!
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
"But it wasn't so suck a dick, Leo"
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Sandra just give him a handjob if you like him that much.
gellaho
He's at home alone and he's reading comic books
gellaho
Velo, Electric Ghost
So we all agree the villain is either Leo or Joy who faked her death for reasons we will never explain
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
His mom would rather spend timein Montana than with him
FancyShark
Leo giving some real Clocktower Sniper energy
gellaho
Well, that's unhealthy
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
I mean sulking and reading comics is big teen energy so yeah.
Velo, Electric Ghost
Oh I thought this was going to be a mystery type thing
FancyShark
haha, yeah, he's absolutely going to be the comic book villain
All because of the weakest prank
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
She would be the brains but Tom replaced too much of her DNA with canary DNA and now she gets startled easily and is fascinated by mirrors.
Velo, Electric Ghost
Also he pissed himself
But that revenge will come later
gellaho
Stargo Hawke is no Simon Hawke
gellaho
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Dude just work out and buy a fucking Trans Am.
FancyShark
Unitransgrator sounds like "The Throngler" in that one meme
Velo, Electric Ghost
No steal the hover bike
It's got sick flames on it
gellaho
Off the deepend he goes
Velo, Electric Ghost
Yoink is more affordable than buy
Velo, Electric Ghost
Wheeeeee
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Look, a lot of superheroes get their start by stealing someones invention.
gellaho
Dream big
Velo, Electric Ghost
This is the most excited I have ever been for any book cage
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Leo your bullies were right. You are a King Dork in a school that includes Tom Swift.
gellaho
He's a basketball player, so this is all very strange
Velo, Electric Ghost
Get him Leo
FancyShark
The best punchline for all this setup would be to end the chapter there and the next one starts with "Leo's dead"
gellaho
Tom sleeping in his clothes
Velo, Electric Ghost
Leo jumped three feet in celebration and fucking died
Brendo
this is a Mark Millar plot in a Stan Lee world.
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
You have to imagine the basketball team is underfunded and never wins because Tom is always trying to get them to put his genetically enhanced organgutan in the game so he can test his rocket boots.
Velo, Electric Ghost
Tom sleeps in business casual
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
At least it stopped before leo started beating off
gellaho
Weird interaction
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
At one AM?!
Left it a bit late, huh?
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
I MUST GO, THE WANDERLUST TAKES ME
Velo, Electric Ghost
"Probably talk to him. With our mouths and words."
FancyShark
Sandra and Tom wouldn't achieve public fame until they filmed that coffee commercial
gellaho
Time to use your love to kill a security guard
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
You went home, had dinner, watched The Simpsons, took a shower, brushed your teeth, and went to bed for a couple hours before deciding to visit Leo?
Velo, Electric Ghost
Fuck yes Leo
This is about to become a spree
FancyShark
Leo draws strength from his boner
gellaho
What?
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Also the security guard is like 90 years old and is one week to retirement and his grandsons graduation and birthday are next week.
Velo, Electric Ghost
Sometimes schools have secret tunnel systems
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
I never went, so I assume this is true
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Its called a bomb shelter with sewer access.
FancyShark
It's the mole people entrance
gellaho
I doubt anyone at Nerd High is chronically late enough to need secret ways in
Velo, Electric Ghost
Need? No one. Want? All of them.
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
You absolutely need one when you live in the same town as Tom Swift.
Velo, Electric Ghost
Tom usually takes up the main entrance demonstrating his newest bullshit
gellaho
And why would it go to the janitor's closet?
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
God knows what kind of mutant hell he will unleash and the teachers stopped taking "delayed by Tom Shenanigans" as an excuse ages ago.
Velo, Electric Ghost
And Rick needs a place to go to escape the Eye People
Sometimes janitors like to get turnt
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Because thats how janitors arrive at work and go anywhere, by secret sewer tunnel.
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
"Leo was eaten by the sewer mutants. I don't know why I even brought him up"
gellaho
Stealing her brother's invention will get her on my side
FancyShark
Nothing unusual about a janitor having a secret tunnel
Velo, Electric Ghost
Fuck yes Leo
Disguise yourself as her brother, Leo
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
It's how they ship the porn in
Velo, Electric Ghost
Every paragraph is nonstop hype
Leo's spiraling so hard
gellaho
Stealing her invention, even better!
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
I mean........... a guy who steals a jetbike is technically a bad boy, I hear that does things for some ladies.
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
By acting like her brother, she will surely fall for him
FancyShark
Oh, that suits is going to be crunchy by the time they get it away from him
Velo, Electric Ghost
She had touched it with her hands
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Also when you are on a jetbike you kind of need some kind of safety suit, what with all the jets of fire and highly flammable liquid fuels and all.
gellaho
Who do you think you are, the Hardy Boys?
Velo, Electric Ghost
That suit's going to be flammable when they get it back
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
Leo is playing a 90's adventure game and finding all the ways to die
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
I miss when Joe and Frank beat Toms ass, can we do that again soon?
FancyShark
Or because IT IS ONE AM
Velo, Electric Ghost
Leo drives an F150 because of course he does
Leo's so cool
gellaho
Time to enter his house unannounced
FancyShark
Leo was asking you to be a friend, Tom. You fucking sociopath
Velo, Electric Ghost
Tom has found a lot of bodies this way
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
It would be hilarious if Leo has a grandpa who just blows Tom away thinking he's a burglar.
Velo, Electric Ghost
Leo has made a lot of calls for help
gellaho
The next couple of sentences after this are magnificent
gellaho
I mean
Velo, Electric Ghost
Fuck yes!
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Well........hes not wrong.
FancyShark
Collage
Velo, Electric Ghost
Fuck you Tom
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Sandra just seems kind of nice and Tom comes off as a budding sociopath and a Dr. Doom in training.
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
A friend of mine once used an inflatable sex doll to keep a costume in shape in a display, the deflating bit made me think of this
gellaho
First the suit!
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
A country song is starting
Velo, Electric Ghost
Leo's so cool
New best friend
gellaho
Her exhibit had video of the suit being tested, but sure Leo. Sure.
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
Is this book a detailed account of Leo's descent into madness?
Velo, Electric Ghost
Leo wasn't watching that video and you know why he wasn't
gellaho
FIRE GIVES ME STRENGTH
FancyShark
"H-hello. I'm, uh, Leo. And this is Jackass."
Velo, Electric Ghost
Because he's cool
FUCK YES LEO
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
You tell yourself some strange lies when youre after the pussy.
Velo, Electric Ghost
BURN IT ALL DOWN
also tell us about your dead dad, Leo
BUT MAINLY BURN IT ALL DOWN
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Sweet.
gellaho
Don't touch those comics, Sandra
Velo, Electric Ghost
Tom why are you checking the computer
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Sandra neglected to tell anyone her suit offgasses fumes that give you super cancer when its heated.
FancyShark
Because it's not Tom's browser history now
Velo, Electric Ghost
You're going to find nothing but tragedy here Tom
Also fuck this part of the book go back to Leo havin fun
FancyShark
Bookmark after bookmark of affirmations
Velo, Electric Ghost
Most of them the same affirmation bookmarked multiple times
gellaho
Sandra not feeling the comic book collection
FancyShark
Sandra's instinctive distrust of emergency services precedes any hellish death of a friend
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Sandra you upper class dork, you dont dial 911 to report a burglary.
gellaho
Meanwhile, Leo passes out
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Unless you are the one getting burgled.
Velo, Electric Ghost
Sandra stopped caring real fast
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Welp hes dead. On with the rest of the book.
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
She found out he reads comics.
But crucially, doesnt use protective sleeves.
Velo, Electric Ghost
This is exactly how Peter Gregory died
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
He has an Uncanny X-Men #1 encrusted in semen and mold and Sandra weeps to see such a crime.
Signed, no less!
gellaho
Well, I've just awakened from passing out, time to ride the experimental vehicle!
FancyShark
KABOOM
gellaho
This ghostwriter also keeps typing "tarpaulin," which I'm finding quite grating
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
The best time to ride an experimental jet cycle is just before you figure out that you got brain damage from asphyxiation, yes. Full agree, Leo.
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Like a fucking sailor from the 19th century.
Velo, Electric Ghost
Why?
gellaho
It's a tarp
Velo, Electric Ghost
aulin
gellaho
You're writing this for American kids, nobody in this country says "tarpaulin"
Wheeeeee
FancyShark
Entire flocks of geese getting sucked into the engines
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
People not named shit like "Captain Jerome Bishop of the USS Relentless" dont use the word "tarpaulin".
Velo, Electric Ghost
Waiting for the reveal that Rick has been sitting on the hoverbike this entire time
He stole Sandra's suit, Tom's bike, and he kidnapped Rick!
FancyShark
"How did you make the magic carpet fly?"
gellaho
Gotta check out this tape, self
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Unfortunately Tom didnt refill thje fuel tank.
gellaho
Fuckin' tarpaulin
Velo, Electric Ghost
The rest of the book is Leo hallucinating grand adventures as he dies from dehydration in the desert
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
"Hey dad, whats a "tarpaulin"?
"Damned if I know, son. Probably some kind of foreign word for tarp. Sounds British."
gellaho
Time to wake up dad at three in the morning
Velo, Electric Ghost
"The one with the dead dad?"
"Yes."
gellaho
"I've been a terrible father"
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
"You have both personally foiled terrorist attacks. Tom, you traveled back in time and KILLED A MAN WITH AN ELECTRIC RIFLE YOU INVENTED! Why is your high school bullshit waking me up at 3AM?!"
FancyShark
"You sound like a nerd, son. Hallway monitor nerd, not sexy science nerd"
Velo, Electric Ghost
"Tom. Sandra. I think it's time you learned something. This isn't easy but I think it's important that you hear it from me. I don't give a fuck."
"About either of you."
"Good night."
gellaho
Meanwhile, Leo watches his superhero tapes
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
"If you know he likes you, why not go out with him? If you dont like him, then tell him. Thats all the fatherly advice I have for you two, now fuck off."
Velo, Electric Ghost
Fuck yeah Leo you're so cool
FancyShark
Nothing can stop you now, Leo
gellaho
MUST CONSUME
FancyShark
haha, that last line is so needlessly mean
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Leo nobody even saw your dick, it wasnt that embarassing.
Honestly it wasnt even that funny so what you should be mad about is how easily every single person there laughed at a non joke.
Including two literal geniuses.
One of whom you want to smooch!
Literal birds have a better sense of humor.
gellaho
Yum, breadboard arrangement
gellaho
Had to do one of those in college. Sucked.
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Leo.........did you build a fucking police scanner and enter it into the science fair?
gellaho
Lady. Please.
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Leo its probably bad that youre intercepting 911 calls.
But not that bad. The cops arent going to help.
FancyShark
I'm sure whatever happens next will hold up in court
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
You might as well put on a supe rsuit and fly over there on a jetbike.
Theres literally nothing about jetbikes or super suits in any state legal code so you should be good.
At worst Tom sues you for patent violations but as long as you dont try to sell your own line of jetbikes youre fine.
Velo, Electric Ghost
I'm on the burglar's side here
This lady seems awful
Take her things
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
You can trust me, Tom. Im going to be a doctor..........as soon as I get 20 dollars and decide which cert I want from the Universal Life Church.
gellaho
Captain Invisible is on his way
Velo, Electric Ghost
The voices in Leo's head said YOLO
FancyShark
Leo, you're not going anywhere until you think up a better name
Velo, Electric Ghost
NO TIME MUST VIOLENCE
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
There arent that many good names for invisible superheros.
Velo, Electric Ghost
CAPTAIN VIOLENCE
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Besides invisibility seems like a fairly secondary power when you can also jump like 30 feet in the air and have a rad jetbike.
FancyShark
Phantom
Specter
Shimmer
Ghost
Geist
gellaho
Vroom vroom
Velo, Electric Ghost
VIOLENCE
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Honestly Id want to turn that shit off so people can see my rad deeds of derring do.
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Copyright Infringement Man!
gellaho
Bang bang
Velo, Electric Ghost
Leo is reaching Steele levels of Fuck Yes
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Actually Copyright Infringement Man would be one of the D tier Batman villains like a Condiment King.
gellaho
The fuck
Velo, Electric Ghost
Okay so we all agree Leo talks like Bane
FancyShark
He thinks he does
Unfortunately, he sounds more like Andy Kindler
Velo, Electric Ghost
"mhwhbrngsvngnc" Leo shouted
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
I feel like that "Noooooooo" should be read as sarcastic.
Hes rolling his eyes.
As are we all.
Velo, Electric Ghost
This is the third teen superhero this thief has run into tonight
He's just tired
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
"Well at least you arent goddam Tom Swift again."
gellaho
Weren't you trapped in the bedroom calling the police?
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
"He turned my cousin into a human angler fish and gave my uncle a compound skull fracture."
YAyyyyyyyyyy doggy!
PET! THAT! DOG!
gellaho
Mr. Devinski coily biting his lip at the alien being
Velo, Electric Ghost
Leo discovers dogs are cool
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
HAhahahah what an understanding old couple.
Velo, Electric Ghost
All his problems are solved
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Dude you are passing up primo dog time tho.
PET THAT DOG!
PET IT!
gellaho
Mr Dejonge reveals that the suit has been stolen
gellaho
Velo, Electric Ghost
PET THE DOG LEO
FancyShark
Wait, I thought her husband wasn't home?
Velo, Electric Ghost
GOD DAMN SNITCH
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
He returned in the nick of time to get their dog shot by the thief!
Velo, Electric Ghost
"The suit, the hoverbike, and every can of whipped cream from the cafeteria have been stolen." Mr. Dejonge said.
"EYES." Rick replied.
gellaho
A new silly season
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Mr. Dejonge has a first name that is either so French it makes you smell cigarette smoke, or so African you nod respectfully at his cultural inheritance.
He co writes books with Dr. Jawanza Kunjufu.
FancyShark
I'm surprised people don't automatically assume it's Tom's fault when anything weird happens
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
When is anything in this town ever NOT Tom related somehow?
gellaho
So much coy lip biting
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
I cant believe youre a genius and you still needed that many logical steps to figure this out, Tom.
Velo, Electric Ghost
Rick catching on fast
FancyShark
"The space suit is - EDIBLE!"
"That's right, Rick"
gellaho
Other gadgets of a mysterious but used nature
Velo, Electric Ghost
Rick why do you have string
Rick why are you barking like a dog
FancyShark
No human has ever described miscellaneous like this author
gellaho
Just keep that with you all the time?
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Tom why is all that crap in your glove compartment? Why is it not your license and registration and insurance information?
FancyShark
There is no way Tom is insured
gellaho
That's how carbon works
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
AAA gives you a great rate on laser tanks! Theyre very road safe.
FancyShark
How are you feeling on a scale of vague to silver?
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Also what the fuck is this? Science dowsing?!
Velo, Electric Ghost
So Leo is sonic the hedgehog but with a super bike with cool flames painted on it
And if he goes fast he's invisible
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
SANDRA ARE YOU FUCKING DOWSING FOR SCIENCE?!
gellaho
Like when you almost killed yourself testing it?
FancyShark
In other words, he's Sonic from one of the terrible racing games
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
The fuck is buckycloth?
Velo, Electric Ghost
Some bullshit they made the suit out of
gellaho
The mysteries of carbon
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
OH FUCK YOU THINK, SANDRA?!
gellaho
Carbon
FancyShark
"I should have tested it further" implies you tested it at all, Sandra. All you did was suffocate while your idiot brother remembered numbers.
Velo, Electric Ghost
Leo has super cancer
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
And you LITERALLY HAD VIDEO of it becoming invisible!
gellaho
Carseeeetttttiiiii!
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
You absolute little moo. This is what I mean when I said your brain was a chimp on a motorcycle.
Too powerful to be this undirected.
FancyShark
Like Deadpool! But less sexy. Still voiced by Nolan North and still grating in the hands of most writers.
gellaho
See http://steelemovie.com/
Velo, Electric Ghost
Did you blow your voice out screaming Carseeeetttttiiiii?
gellaho
Classic character Rick Carsetti
gellaho
Nah
The Chief was way worse
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Oh god you are going to wish you were back with the kids with guns and knives, bud. Tom is worse than any of that.
Your The Chief voice was inspired tho.
FancyShark
It was my favorite bit
gellaho
It's just Steele but elevated and moister
Velo, Electric Ghost
It's beautiful
gellaho
This might literally be Jake Hardesty
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Oh so youre a complete moron.
Just an absolute moron cop.
Turn in your badge and gun.