gellaho
Somebody done already blown up the research station before he could get there
133: Through the Reality Warp Donald J. Pfeil
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Billiard was doomed if he took the assignment, and his world was doomed if he didn't. But what choice did he have?
Archive
gellaho
He told them without advanced notice?
Flippant Sausage Foreskin Jerky
So.....um.......youre TAKING it and not just blowing it up?
Seems like the problem is yet unsolved? Could come back later?
gellaho
Gotta wonder what happened to the massive space force the revolutionaries had
Flippant Sausage Foreskin Jerky
On break.
gellaho
Steve at noon
gellaho
Editor misses the "mnutes" there
Rachel, Grand Inquisitor
It's a scifi term.
Velo
No editor ever saw this
Rachel, Grand Inquisitor
Like ergs or flit-boats, or groundcar.
gellaho
What
Velo
Swirly
Brendo
PINCHER BOATS
Velo
Velo
Pole to pole
gellaho
Gasping for several minutes
Brendo
it's universes all the way universe, Kal.
gellaho
Hey, Pfeil, you can't just throw the word "stereo" around by itself and not mean music
gellaho
You wrote this in 1976, dude
I'm not sure Pfeil knows what stereo means in any context though
Flippant Sausage Foreskin Jerky
Full Dolby Digital armored vehicle.
C..........cube?
What?!
gellaho
I'm beginning to think there are a lot of words Pfeil doesn't understand
Velo
Well he did come up with the name "Santha", so
gellaho
He definitely doesn't know what a boom mike is
Velo
He also definitely doesn't know that it's a mic
Flippant Sausage Foreskin Jerky
That seems real awkward for a tank.
Ohhhhhhhh he means like a headset one, okayyyyyyy.
Velo
Still mic
gellaho
Before riding into battle on their turtle, they decide to have the exact same relationship convo again
Velo
Pfeil literally trying the "hahaha… unless??"
Flippant Sausage Foreskin Jerky
Just.........fucking tell her you'll ignore that stupid tradition.
What is anyone gonna do?
Velo
Billiam, nothing you have ever done has ever had any consequences at all
Why would this
gellaho
Hours later things start exploding
gellaho
I'd love to tell you what exploded, but I cannot tell
Velo
The sand, maybe?
No the rocks
No both
Billiard. Billiard exploded.
Flippant Sausage Foreskin Jerky
This is written like someone wanted to write a Battletech novel, but was fifteen years too early to be Decision at Thunder Rift.
gellaho
Their magnetic cannon gives them hilarious static electricity hair
Brendo
You guys don't understand. The gods are prisoners of destiny. They cannot choose weakness.
Or stank puss.
It's basic sci-fi tropes.
gellaho
And let me tell you, things certainly are exploding everywhere
Whose things?
What things?
Couldn't tell you
Rachel, Grand Inquisitor
sorry guys, had to run to fix my stereo cube, what did i miss
Flippant Sausage Foreskin Jerky
As long as its SOMETHING.
gellaho
The ground slaps Billiard's turtle
Brendo
The universe winkled like an exhausted sphincter and Billiard did an early career Hathaway to impress a dame.
gellaho
The explosions allow them access to the garage
Brendo
@Rachel, Grand Inquisitor
Rachel, Grand Inquisitor
Consider me caught up
gellaho
Santha does the ol' pump and dump
Rachel, Grand Inquisitor
Typical woman
Brendo
Women. Keep you waiting for ages, then get murderous when nobody does.
gellaho
I still have no idea what a bubbler is
Velo
The hell is an early career Hathaway? Did Billiam pull a princess diaries and I missed it?
Rachel, Grand Inquisitor
I have no idea what a Stevru is
Flippant Sausage Foreskin Jerky
Its one of his flunkies.
Possibly a sex robot.
Velo
Bubbler Steve as we like to call him
gellaho
Santha starts curving bullets
Velo
Santha's gone murderous
This wasn't part of the plan
gellaho
Billiard wallows in human viscera
Velo
Oh the humanity
The horror of this thing you are doing Billiam
gellaho
You only take prisoners when they ask politely
Flippant Sausage Foreskin Jerky
Its fine they're...........space nazis? I think?
Velo
I think they're just Devo
Rachel, Grand Inquisitor
Are we supposed to be masturbating to this hyperviolence?
gellaho
"Nostalgia for the Universe" was the name of my space jazz album
Rachel, Grand Inquisitor
My God! Thought god
gellaho
It takes five Hamburger Helpers to secure our universe
Velo
Oh it's so difficult to describe
They're tubes
gellaho
Or are they?
Flippant Sausage Foreskin Jerky
"Its difficult to describe but I, the heroic author, will do so."
gellaho
The leader of the red hats yells at no one
gellaho
This crack shot shoots the ceiling and aims for Billiard's chest
gellaho
Is this the end of Billiard?
Flippant Sausage Foreskin Jerky
No.
No such luck.
gellaho
No, of course not
Stevru jumps in front of the shot
With his fucking head
gellaho
Because that's how people do that
"I'd take a bullet for you, but I want to make sure it takes me"
Santha is saved by her slender form
gellaho
It's very weird to describe a beheading as a slap, Pfeil
Velo
Jesus Pfeil
Rachel, Grand Inquisitor
Okay so we are supposed to be masturbating to the gore
gellaho
Victory?
gellaho
The punch!
gellaho
What?
I can't imagine what that's supposed to mean
Rachel, Grand Inquisitor
I don't understand what-the punch!-you're confused about.
Velo
Ahahahaha
gellaho
Then they load up Stevru's headless body in a spacesuit and strap him into his command seat
Flippant Sausage Foreskin Jerky
They had to scoop quite a bit of him into it.
Velo
Billiam refused to tell his men why he was doing this
gellaho
Santha thinks Billiard's goofing
gellaho
And the way you set course is by cutting tape, sure
Flippant Sausage Foreskin Jerky
I like the idea that these space craft in a high tech alternate universe........are basically powered by punch card style computation.
gellaho
Goodbye, space concubine
Velo
Billiard you don't have to go back
Rachel, Grand Inquisitor
But she didn't dare, over the hi-wave.
Great sentence.
gellaho
Billiard finds his space seed
gellaho
Straps the universe to the side of it, which I'm sure will stay safe forever
Flippant Sausage Foreskin Jerky
Does...........that........help?
I dont even know.
Velo
Feels like you could just secure that somewhere
Flippant Sausage Foreskin Jerky
Like if you break the containment is that........bad?
gellaho
Then puts Stevru's body in the space seed
Flippant Sausage Foreskin Jerky
Wha?
Velo
Maybe use your authority to build a secure facility and put it in the
gellaho
Who the fuck knows why
Velo
Oh he's faking his own death
gellaho
He is not
The space seed (strapped with our universe) is being sent to the middle of nowhere in this universe
He's going back to be god-king
Flippant Sausage Foreskin Jerky
I guess he just needed to get rid of the body before it stank up the cockpit.
gellaho
Excuse me, he's going to work on "the changing of Lori's government into something a free man could be proud of"
Velo
Liar
gellaho
Which certainly isn't immediately undone by saying he wants to take over the universe
Flippant Sausage Foreskin Jerky
"By totally militarily dominating the entire galaxy, I will end war. This is a great idea with no possible downside."
"Someone should have thought of this already, this god king shit is EASY."
Velo
"I will bring peace, freedom, justice, and security to the Lorian empire."
gellaho
And vows to allow king wives
Rachel, Grand Inquisitor
First guy to ever think "everything will be peaceful once i rule everything"
Lol
Flippant Sausage Foreskin Jerky
So smart.
So courageous.
Rachel, Grand Inquisitor
Say it with me guys:
Fucking DUHHHH
Flippant Sausage Foreskin Jerky
And he only implied he wouldnt marry whatsherface like four times.
gellaho
It'd be weird if that was the end of the book, right?
Flippant Sausage Foreskin Jerky
Sure would.
Rachel, Grand Inquisitor
Please be the end of the book
gellaho
Well, it is. Buy Star Trek paperwork
Velo
That is the single worst ad placement I've ever seen
Rachel, Grand Inquisitor
Lol
gellaho
You don't think this book lives up to the prinicples of the Federation?
Rachel, Grand Inquisitor
Hey I made it through a whole book cage. Thanks, new adhd meds!
Velo
That ad is more interesting than the last 400 pages, and it makes me hate Star Trek by association. It's bad for everything
gellaho
Surprising
We have defeated Through the Reality Warp
Velo
Thank you @gellaho !
Oh that's a great edit
gellaho
So concludes the 133rd Edition of The Book Cage
Flippant Sausage Foreskin Jerky
Nice! Grats!
Velo
Thank you everyone, great riffing
It's been an honor to hate this book with all of you
gellaho
May you quest to save the universe without becoming a psychopathic dictator
Rachel, Grand Inquisitor
It was a pleasure going through this-a punch!-with y'all.
Velo
We never did find out what that punch was, did we?
Rachel, Grand Inquisitor
It was an encapsulation-probe, how is that not clear enough for you?
Brendo
how'd it turn out?
Brendo
See, this is how Star Trek got its rep. By only catering to the dorkasses.
This is like if they only advertised Punisher Armory technical drawings.
Glad somebody figured it out for all my fellow nerdwads.
Literary Chimera, Porn Mercenary
We're all dorkasses here.
Brendo
Correct, and they've finally figured out how to market to our better impulses.