gellaho
🚨 Hardy Boys Casefiles Poll Time 🚨
Chose which Hardy Boys Casefiles book (randomly chosen by you) will be read for this week's Book Cage.
🏙️
#5: Edge of Destruction
0%
🌊
#40: Fright Wave
100%
🎰
#62: Final Gambit
0%
Poll closed
136: The Hardy Boys Casefiles #40: Fright wave Franklin W. Dixon
Tags:
In rough waters and rough company you always have to watch your back.
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Christian Magician Action Javo
if you dont vote fright wave you can fuck off
how does the frightwave cover look like AI three decades before AI
that is an insane way to stand on a surfboard
gellaho
Well, now he gets all the blame
FancyShark
Christian Magician Action Javo
oh no hoisted by my own petard
FancyShark
As is right
These decisions are always a challenge
Christian Magician Action Javo
also @gellaho by making us pick from 1-126 am I to assume correctly you now physically own every Hardy Boys casefile
gellaho
Nah. I don't actually know how many I have because I keep the ones I've read separately
But I have book 1 and 125, so it's much easier to give the whole range than specify which ones I don't have/have already read
Doing a quick count, I have 92
FancyShark
That does at least mean you have more than 2/3 of them. Are some just not showing up anywhere or are the remainders hideously expensive?
gellaho
Well, a large chunk are the ones with covers using photos of the TV actors
And the books that came after those are illustrated differently, and I don't care for it
Christian Magician Action Javo
booooooooooooooooooooooooo
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
Damn it these are all so good
gellaho
Now, I'm not going to say you guys messed up on this one. But I will suggest it
For example, behind door #5 was germ warfare and sewer mobs
gellaho
And behind door #62 was Frank doing the nerdiest possible thing
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
Damn it
We should know better than to listen to non-book-cagers
gellaho
The Book Cage: Episode 136
The Hardy Boys Casefiles #40: Fright Wave
The world of competitive surfing in Hawaii is corrupt; full of criminals and thieves who will stop at nothing to get what they want. At least, that's what the ghostwriter of this Hardy Boys boy would have you believe. See you Friday, 5pm eastern.
gellaho
Impossible Worlds Guy
Oh hey I had that one
FancyShark
I should have trusted my instincts
gellaho
Coming up on the next hour, it's The Hardy Boys Casefiles ™️ #40: Fright Wave. Here is your preview
FancyShark
Oh no! She might get a bruise!
rooster
RIP Jade
Killed by surfboard
gellaho
You may not understand this, as a shark, but people cannot breathe in water
FancyShark
🤔
huh
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
As Hardy Boys threats go, runaway surfboard is a step down from laser drone or loose Komodo dragon
FancyShark
You say that now, but wait until poor Jade is CLEAVED IN HALF
Chloe'll DEE!
Lmao wow I had no idea, I joined here like, a few months after it shut down I think
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
That would certainly shut me up. Let's see if it happens!
gellaho
Boy, like half the messages I got notifications for disappeared
FancyShark
Yeah, sorry. I thought I was overdoing it
gellaho
Couldn't imagine what that's like
Time to post 150 pictures of the Hardy Boys
FancyShark
BOOK
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
CAGE
FancyShark
Hi, @gellaho ! Hi, @Tom, Boy Detective (Retired) !
gellaho
Time for the adventure of a lifetime
Sleeping on an airplane
FancyShark
Their destination of Butte, Montana
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
Hahahahha they went to butt.
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
Remember that bit in jurassic park 3 where Alan dreams that there's a raptor on the plane gently waking him up
gellaho
Joe forgets his seat belt is on. Like an excited five year old
FancyShark
Hi, @Space Magic Flippant Sausage !
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
Hey yall! ^o^/
FancyShark
We're missing our raptor!
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
It's ok surfing will provide all the thrills and danger we need!
FancyShark
Joe is the kind of person who probably needs to be strapped to something at all times
Hi, @GDC !
GDC
Joe has permanent scars from attempting to break restraints like this.
gellaho
Joe's been crushing his father for the entire flight
GDC
Joe is the most inconsiderate traveller.
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
Joe going full Lenny with Puppy on his own dad.
GDC
He also spent the flight drumming on the seat in front of him
gellaho
Joe's sexy, muscular, teen body
FancyShark
Fenton once again wishes he was sterile
Areze
so at least it's a dude this time instead of a woman breasting boobily
GDC
Joe's neck feels that way all the time, since the accident.
FancyShark
Hi, @Areze !
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
Airplane seats are designed for war, not like your soft Federation seats!
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
I keep forgetting that Joe is six feet tall and a teen.
FancyShark
His vertebrae resemble the contents of a salt shaker
gellaho
Menaces
FancyShark
Hi, @rooster !
It's nice to know these young children are still so full of life
They're ten, right?
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
Boooooooo Hawaii sucks, leave the locals alone, Hardy Boys. Go to Butt Montana on vacation.
gellaho
Ghostwriter has Joe in his dickhead mode
GDC
Fenton's setting up a new CIA black site in Honolulu.
FancyShark
The suitcases are filled with spare Callies. Fenton doesn't want to do anything for himself
gellaho
Very specific
GDC
"And don't look in my suitcases"
FancyShark
"especially not the one that's moving"
rooster
If you want a comfortable, safe vacation why would you bring the hardy boys
That's just asking for someone to get surf-murdered
Areze
sacrifices
rooster
Joe Hardy vs the Volcano
Areze
Coming now on WWE!
gellaho
Fun fact: this is the book after the fake Chet who's revenge scheme was fueled by his cancer-ridden father
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
That client? Raytheon.
gellaho
Fenton almost got beat to death in that one
FancyShark
Fake Chet was the most not-Chet anyone's ever been
We should have gotten a death match at the top of a waterfall
gellaho
A g-g-g-girl!?
rooster
A girl who does sports!?!?
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
"Bah, youre seeing things Joe, everyone knows girls cant swim and are repelled by running water."
FancyShark
"They can't even stand the holy rays of the sun"
gellaho
I hope her life insurance is paid up
Areze
"She breasted boobily in the sun"
FancyShark
What's this "EVEN in her surfing bodysuit", Joe?
gellaho
"Uh, um, my last girlfriend exploded"
GDC
She was beautiful, despite the frumpy form-fitting suit
FancyShark
"...they're racist"
GDC
"we were just oogling, don't mind us"
gellaho
"I'VE LOOKED AT YOUR EYES"
FancyShark
The End
Areze
porn music starts up
gellaho
"Hey, only we can use that word"
GDC
"I can't surf, but I can get hit in the head with a crowbar and not feel it"
gellaho
No Hawaiian has ever married a Robert's
FancyShark
Frank later looks up malihini and learns it means "white devil"
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
Irish people, famous for not living on islands.
Areze
well not after the english are done
GDC
The reason there aren't too many native Hawaiians left isn't really something the ghost writer wants to deal with.
gellaho
Jade brings Joe out and tells Joe to play with her board
Areze
is that what they call it these days
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
"Squeeze it, bite it, lick it. No not that hard."
FancyShark
"Get it real wet. Slap it around. Ride it till it hurts."
gellaho
Joe quickly becomes bored
FancyShark
Goddammit Joe
GDC
Joe is going to try to eat it, isn't he?
FancyShark
He's going to think it's a hoagie
gellaho
Here's Joe's first concussive blackout of the night
FancyShark
+1
Areze
He Died the end
FancyShark
He drowns her. The rest of the book is the trial.
gellaho
The foamy remains
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
Wave blocking isnt cool Joe. Thats how islanders get to heaven.
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
Joe impaled like cannibal holocaust
GDC
The first concussion of the night happened pretty quick today
FancyShark
Frank, no! Your circuits aren't waterproof!
Areze
lemmie guess the hot girl gives him mouth to mouth
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
Honestly if hes breathing then he will wake up eventually.
gellaho
Joe's real demure in this one
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
Joe takes these little "brain naps" from time to time. Hes fine.
gellaho
He's usually yelling at the female characters by this point
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
Joe just wait to check if your skull fragments are pinching your brain before you hit on anyone ok?
gellaho
Frank does hand binoculars
FancyShark
Meanwhile, Poseidon is screaming at his subordinates for letting the Immortal One get away
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
That surfboard is a known associate of the Assassins
FancyShark
The rest of this book, they're stalked by it
gellaho
Here comes the beef
A Brendan for Christmas
Ugh, I've been here the entire time just putting out fires.
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
Either that or a living curse born by the native people's spirit of vengeance
A Brendan for Christmas
what's the "plot"?
FancyShark
HELLO, @A Brendan for Christmas !
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
It stalks the waves, preying on the White Man
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
Surf Hardys.
FancyShark
Joe and Frank are in Hawaii, met a sexy lady surfer, and nearly drowned her
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
Its like Surf Ninjas but so far no ninjas.
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
A surfboard murdered Joe
A Brendan for Christmas
It's not murder if you're saving a presidential candidate who has yet to be born.
gellaho
This book is really exploring all the terms for foreigners in the Hawaiian language
FancyShark
I think they just misspelled "a-holes"
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
"we didn't use to need this many different words for foreigners, of course," he said, before the book quickly changed the subject
gellaho
Al Koholic
FancyShark
Al, you're supposed to keep the pervy part of the plan a secret
GDC
Al is the last of his ancient line
gellaho
"IS THERE MONEY!?"
GDC
Finally, stakes.
FancyShark
"No reason," said Frank, snapping Al's neck.
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
When I was in university my housemate was friends with a Hawaiian guy who was here on a surfing scholarship. No one on Earth loved their weed more than that guy
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
"A few thousand dollars" is enough insurance money to conspiracy over.
FancyShark
INSURANCE MONEY!?
gellaho
I bet Fenton is wondering what the fuck happened to his kids
A Brendan for Christmas
"Editor, I will need to take a trip to Hawaii to research this book. Please book me a hotel and surf lessons."
gellaho
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
Frank is making out with that surfboard just to prove a point.
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
Later in this book: "is this the crime dollars from the surf insurance?" Joe asked, wrongly
FancyShark
The surfboard and Frank became fast friends
FancyShark
IT'S ALWAYS THE INSURANCE MONEY!
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
Also Frank, do you not think Jeeps have tops you can put up?
FancyShark
dangit, where's @general beef's jakesy
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
Um I think you will find the text says the top is gone
gellaho
"TELL ME YOUR SECRETS!" demanded Frank
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
Frank is clearly an unreliable narrator.
FancyShark
"I'm sure it's nothing," Joe said and they never spoke of it again.
gellaho
Completely filled with Kool-aid
GDC
Frank collects data like a Borg drone.
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
"She was probably killed by a ninja because she left her pimp." said Frank, remembering the plot of the Christopher Lambert film The Hunted.
FancyShark
"Or killed by a ninja for not helping sell bootleg rap cassettes," Frank offered, remembering a case that hadn't happened yet
gellaho
"I've brought you here to kill you!" she shouted
Cave
because of the wind gusting out of Joe's ass
A Brendan for Christmas
As a wooden plank, it's the only woman that can relate to his emotions.
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
"This concrete platform a memorial for when the Hawaiian people super duper killed Captain Cook, because he had it coming."
FancyShark
"I come here at least once a day, working up the nerve"
GDC
This is somewhere an evocative description of the landscape would be useful.
FancyShark
Hi, @Cave !
Cave
yo
A Brendan for Christmas
Related: A woman I dated for one week is texting me she's in love with me and I'm like "Come on, it's Friday, let me just eat my chicken."
gellaho
Anyway, time to leave, for IT IS THE TIME OF CONSUMPTION
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
Chicken is good, what kind you get?
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
"now we shall see how the famous Hardy Boys solve the riddle of steel," she said, drawing a katana from a surfboard shaped sheath
A Brendan for Christmas
If any of you knows any single surfboards, hook me up.
A Brendan for Christmas
Tex's. It's nice. Beats popeyes or kfc
general beef's jakesy
IM HERE FOR THE INSURANCE MONEY
GDC
Joe struggles to think of a word that combines spoon and fork.
FancyShark
:beerfoot:
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
Ghostwriter, Hawaii deffo has burgers.
FancyShark
"Napkin," he concludes
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
"these foons sure are wacky," joe said wrongly
gellaho
And now, their regularly scheduled attempted vehicular homicide
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
Like they'll put something on it because Hawaii, but they do have burgers.
A Brendan for Christmas
What kind of Sound & Fury: Surf's Up shit is this
GDC
"What a strange island" said Joe, scratching his open head wound.
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
Oh I get it, their plane was supposed to crash and Death is correcting its design
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
Also I like how Frank cant identify the mystical device known as a spork.
Cave
"Fuck Marty, that's the third time this week!" the bartender shouted
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
Somewhere right now their dad is falling over in a hardware store and getting shot by 50 nailguns
A Brendan for Christmas
Joe goes back to Freeport telling everyone he discovered the spork.
gellaho
Frank's computer brain decides that the best course of action is to throw a table at Joe
FancyShark
Chet hears him and politely hides his patent approval letter
A Brendan for Christmas
Chet, you are the hero.
gellaho
Bayport. Unless they're going to the Bahamas for some reason
A Brendan for Christmas
I almost wrote Bayhold so
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
Fun fact, Australians have no word for spork. "Bring me that strange unknowable utensil," we shout at our servants, but they know not what we desire
A Brendan for Christmas
That's because Australians only drink coffee and eat what they can stick on a hunting knife.
Trust me, I saw Crocodile Dundee 2 in theaters.
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
Yeah knock over your brother so the tires have an easier time crushing his skull, Frank.
gellaho
Frank's circuits accurately computed the chain reaction
Cave
I thought all utensils were known as spider-squishers?
FancyShark
Instinctively, but not the instincts you're thinking of
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
Fuck you, was this ghostwritten by Ken Akamatsu or something? Is Joe going to end up tangled in Jades panties?
gellaho
Frank has caught Joe's Hulk rage, and destroys the car's back window with a chair
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
lol sweet. No notes.
A Brendan for Christmas
One day they're going to open a door, and there's going to be a car with a gun, causing Joe to fall. It's the Hardy triple-double.
FancyShark
The half-blind elderly couple in the car would tell the police they were attacked by a Sasquatch after being told there are no black people in Hawaii
gellaho
Your hard drive is supposed to record everything, Frank!
Cave
"I needed to grab Jade in an undisclosed location"
FancyShark
"Now we have to do this systematically!"
[cut to montage of them beating up everyone who owns a car]
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
"Goddammit Frank, if you dont raise your game im going back to Best Buy and getting a better robot.....I mean brother. Brother is what I meant."
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
So what object is gonna kill them next?
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
I hope its a venomous snake in their bed.
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
I think Joe might climb inside an old fridge that latches shut on him
FancyShark
Fire eater
gellaho
What a mysterious dream, I wonder what it could mean?
FancyShark
hahaha
He picks up the phone and a sedan barrels through the door to his room
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
Dreams are such a gift to a writer. You can do anything in a dream
This writer didn't
GDC
Joe will dream of being chased by surfboards for the rest of his life.
A Brendan for Christmas
"Joe,it's Jade. I'm driving over in a blue sedan."
😲 "Woaaaahhhh."
gellaho
The ghostwriter cordially invites you to imagine this muscular teens putting on his tight jeans
A Brendan for Christmas
"Joe, it's Blu Cantrell. I'm driving over in a jade jeep."
gellaho
A great Hawaii outfit to be sure
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
Wtf book you're supposed to have a plot. This is just a sequence of horrifying events
A Brendan for Christmas
It didn't say they weren't jean cutoffs.
GDC
The hotel is surrounded by honking blue sedans.
A Brendan for Christmas
"Joe, it's Jade! I'm calling to warn you not to answer the phone! It's bugged!"
gellaho
This is how someone behaves with people they just met
Cave
give us some sharks
FancyShark
She isn't waiting all morning to get revenge for almost killing her
GDC
Jade has a necklace made out of her ex-boyfriends' fingers.
gellaho
Did you know clothing comes in different colors? Joe didn't
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
"as an attractive female surfer it's so rare for guys to try to talk to me, so you two really stood out"
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
"Yeah I noticed, thats why i wear it. My eyes are up here, dude."
FancyShark
Jade brought an entire duffel bag of mace
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
"nice car, it'd look better on my floor - ugh, goofed it again, Joe"
Cave
sounds like the Hancock outfit
A Brendan for Christmas
Joe, you have an indomitable, even terrifyingly relentless will. You have been chosen to join the Silver-Green Lantern Surfers of America.
gellaho
"Let's hit the beach!" she says to the boy wearing jeans
FancyShark
"Once your soles are charred husks, the pain is pretty light"
rooster
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
I think Joe is making the mistake of dressing more like a skater, the surfer's natural enemy
gellaho
Two Asians!? Why, I never would have thought!
A Brendan for Christmas
Oh Joe
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
This is getting a little weird
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
Hey Ghost Writer. What is the physical difference between a Chinese and Japanese face? Ill wait.
A Brendan for Christmas
Mortal Kombat rules apply.
This is Kitana.
Behold her violet eyes
GIVE ME BACK MY CLAP
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
She's got my back
I recommend not getting killed by her
FancyShark
Joe! Hold out for Mileena!
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
Her surfboard traps the souls of its victims