gellaho
Fucking wow. OK
136: The Hardy Boys Casefiles #40: Fright wave Franklin W. Dixon
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In rough waters and rough company you always have to watch your back.
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gellaho
"CHECK OUT THIS SWEET SHIT!" yelled Frank
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
Frank quick saved and loaded 10 times to get that right
gellaho
Now: karate
gellaho
KARATE
gellaho
Followed by shoving a gun up a guy's nose
GDC
'hey man I just work here'
gellaho
This is probably fine
FancyShark
What's wrong with wrestling sharks?
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
Oh fun fact, the Navy stopped using that island for target practice in 1990.
A Brendan for Christmas
What's wrong with annexing an island and then privatizing it for bombarding paradise?
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
This book? TOPICAL!
GDC
They started using it for target practice after they stopped using it for nuclear tests.
A Brendan for Christmas
TROPICAL
gellaho
Frank has to tell them about the Japanese
gellaho
... girl who's trapped on the island with Joe
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
They spent 10 years cleaning up all the UXO from like 1996. Neat.
FancyShark
Frank holds up most of the two thugs
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
So chances are Joe and Jade just trip on an unexploded shell from a battleship turret gun, and die.
gellaho
That's a phrase I never thought I'd see in a Hardy Boys book
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
I know there's a whole of karate and imperialism to cover, but hey Frank you don't look Hawaiian either
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
To be honest, the battleships are just there because theres a lot of old ass Navy guys that like them, they dont do shit.
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
Also I didn't know about this island. That's pretty fucked up
gellaho
BEEP BOOP, pause analysis
gellaho
gellaho
Frank's looking to get this man killed
A Brendan for Christmas
Let's go tour Doyle Island!
FancyShark
Five minutes later:
"DOYLE! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"I SWEAR TO YOU, SWEET DOYLE, I SHALL CARVE YOUR NAME INTO EVERY ONE OF THEM THAT WRONGED YOU!"
gellaho
Luckily, this helicopter pilot is insane
gellaho
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
Five minutes after that: "Who? Dale? Darby? Doesnt ring a bell."
FancyShark
This guy rules
A Brendan for Christmas
Doyle obviously has some stories.
FancyShark
Doyle flew in Nam
rooster
Doyle is cooler than the Hardys
FancyShark
Not the war, to be clear
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
Shell shocked Gulf War vet Doyle.
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
Every helicopter pilot is a Vietnam vet who's had it up to here with the damn brass
rooster
Doyle flew drug shipments for Oliver North and has seen it all
gellaho
Wheeeeee
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
Yeah catch a fucking missile from a cruiser, great idea Frank.
gellaho
Let's prank call the Navy
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
The Navy never shoots missiles at things on their radar without checking to see if they should or not.
FancyShark
"Those are the words of a coward, boy customer! Now make peace with your god and brace your spine!"
gellaho
This is a weird book
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
I always did want a "Hardy Boys Do World War 1" thing.
FancyShark
The best part is this is how every Doyle Island Tour goes
gellaho
MEANWHILE
rooster
Show em your war face, boy!
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
"sir, sounds like there are some civilians in the firing range."
"Better start shooting, then, son," the captain replied, his eyes a thousand miles away.
A Brendan for Christmas
Time to boogie. Later HAOLO
rooster
Wait, I've seen this one. They get saved by Hulk Hogan and a bunch of confederate reenactors!
FancyShark
Take care, @A Brendan for Christmas !
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
"Remember, midshipman, the Navy motto: If there are civilians in the bombardment zone, there are no civilians in the bombardment zone."
rooster
good night @A Brendan for Christmas
gellaho
Glad we're playing this for comedy
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
"Now spin up the CWIS, make sure there are no swimmers escaping."
Joes organs are soup.
rooster
Remember when this was about surfing
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
Was it ever REALLY about surfing?
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
"they don't tell you this in the recruitment office, but here in the Navy our God is Death, and God is always hungry."
gellaho
rooster
"Did you ever notice, when you look at the radar, how small everyone looks? Like ants."
FancyShark
This book is way more horny-coded than usual
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
Meanwhile Joe's just like... Shell-hungry
gellaho
Vroom vroom
FancyShark
Oh no
Now Doyle's horny too
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
Jade's emotional state after the bombing not important enough to comment on
GDC
I can't not picture the helicopter pilot as Randy Quaid.
gellaho
Ghostwriter just threw a nutcase in here for fun
rooster
Embarrassingly, I was thinking of Tig Notaro from that awful Snyder movie
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
Hahaha Doyle rules.
FancyShark
I was picturing Zack Galafinakis
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
"hey Jade, got some exposition for us?"
Jade tries to speak but she can't stop shaking
gellaho
So Doyle's taken these three teens to his secluded shack in the middle of the jungle
gellaho
That's probably fine
FancyShark
Dang. And I was just starting to imagine him as Ron Perlman
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
"no guests. prisoners, though, got plenty of prisoners. Sex slave 1, sex slave 2 - well, you'll meet em all "
gellaho
"How do you think I dispose of the bodies?"
FancyShark
"Help yourselves to a rat"
gellaho
Then Doyle fucks off to get supplies for several hours
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
"Got some long pork left in the freezer if you want it."
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
If the Hardys weren't such pussies I would expect this was setting up an awesome trash compactor henchman kill
FancyShark
"You all stay for breakfast, I can whip up some omelettes out of old tires"
gellaho
Don't take any pictures, beware the surf mafia
gellaho
FancyShark
GASP
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
Hm. So you're saying these multiple assassination attempts may have been about MORE than several thousand dollars in surf gambling?
gellaho
Oh, good, crisis averted
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
"I murdered someone. You're all accessories after the fact. Help me carry him "
gellaho
Pew pew
FancyShark
It was Fenton
gellaho
Doyle may not be the best witness
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
He probably put the hole there fucking around with his handgun.
FancyShark
Doyle probably took some "free samples" from the 7-11
And by 7-11, I mean police evidence locker
gellaho
Doyle somehow flies them back in his destroyed helicopter
GDC
Doyle hasn't felt this alive since Mai Lai
FancyShark
Again, not in the war
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
Doyle doesnt even run a business. He just picks up people in his helicopter for fun.
gellaho
Tommy Cats and the Surf Mafia is the name of my surf rock band
FancyShark
Money lenders LENDING MONEY?!
gellaho
The world of the Hardy Boys is just full of bombs
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
Caitlin gonna have to fight with all the other organized crime guys running drugs thru Hawaii to get a piece of that action.
gellaho
Pete Gordon: deadly spy
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
"Thats IT Pete. No more moonlighting as a mob assassin, youre going to be transferred to the CIA for this!"
gellaho
Fenton, great at this stuff
FancyShark
See, Hardys? When you meet a fed and you have a pipe, you hit them until they stop being a fed
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
"I'd like to leave now," Jade said, but no one paid her any attention
GDC
A distinguishing scar really makes it hard to be a corrupt goon.
gellaho
Speak of the Pete
gellaho
A brilliant plan
FancyShark
Wait, how much of the book is left? It feels like this is getting close to wrapping up already
gellaho
"I'll shout details about the surf mafia to anybody!" shouted Nick
GDC
Joe leaves his father to be murdered by his corrupt handler.
gellaho
44 pages
FancyShark
Dang! Fast one tonight!
Also, Catlin, if you're hiring people like Nick, maybe this isn't the line of work for you
gellaho
Master sharpshooter
FancyShark
@Tom, Boy Detective (Retired) called it
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
My wisdom is matched only by my intelligence
gellaho
Well, there's only one other female character
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
Hahahahahahha
FancyShark
👏
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
Surf Mafia is just Dad Wanting His Chinese Daughter To Win Mafia.
His Visibly Chinese Daughter.
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
Weird
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
We stan a dad who goes the extra mile to support his daughter.
gellaho
"And I'm doing this for... reasons"
gellaho
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
Maybe he just has some daughter in a boarding school somewhere unrelated to the plot, and she's just a freak who loves reading about when surfers die
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
Doyle snipes Pete from his helicopter hovering a mile away, throws the high powered rifle in the ocean.
gellaho
Yeah, you go off by yourself to the guy we barely know
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
Talk to Al Capone?! Oh sorry I misheard
gellaho
He's also a junkman
FancyShark
"There's enough debris in the ocean I can find parts for cheap"
gellaho
That's convenient
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
I can't wait to forget about that until a pivotal moment
gellaho
The next morning, they steal her car
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
lol fuck you Jade we stole your car. Enjoy being manhunted
FancyShark
Jade surfs after them
gellaho
They meet Pete to bug his car in a parking lot
FancyShark
You have a lot of faith in Gordon's abilities, Frank
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
gellaho
Pete opts for murder
FancyShark
Gordon apparently doesn't value his own time
gellaho
Or just shooting the tire
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
He's just so changeable
It's his one weakness
gellaho
Don't worry, they have a spare
FancyShark
Gordon drives away, then comes back and changes the tire for them
gellaho
How will they survive such high speeds
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
car.........................chase.
FancyShark
Don't say edging, ghost writer
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
"The speedometer is gooning near 55! Slow down!"
gellaho
They track the signal to a compound
FancyShark
"I'm pumping the gas as much as I can but the car is only teasing the low 60s!"
They have only one option
EAT THE MANSION
gellaho
They decide to covertly surf in
FancyShark
oh
That's fine too
gellaho
Let's get a bunch of your friends killed
FancyShark
And it'll thin out the ranks of the surf competition
gellaho
Ah, the girl who definitely isn't crooked
GDC
Who wants to be some radical cannon fodder?
gellaho
As you imagine, the plan goes off without a hitch
gellaho
Oh, wait the gun
FancyShark
Starting to think this stupid plan was stupid
gellaho
Good news: this guard sucks
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
Joe remembered to be good at surfing and thus he was
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
I think they do this exact plan in Surf Ninjas
FancyShark
The guard wasn't prepared for much of anything, it seems
gellaho
And he's out
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
So if you'd like to apologize for calling it stupid 😆
gellaho
Joe's plan for espionage is hijinks
gellaho
FancyShark
The thug runs down in swim trunks, totally convinced
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
"Ey I'm a fuckin guard ova here," Joe impersonated perfectly.
gellaho
These may be the dumbest goons to ever be
FancyShark
Just. Shoot. Him.
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
Yup.
Dumbest goons.
gellaho
"I loved Vinnie, you son of a bitch!"
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
Theyre getting a 1 star rating on Hench.
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
Adam didn't give them permission to fire so they just point their guns until they die
gellaho
Easy enough
FancyShark
"They stole your clothes too? Those fiends!"
"Uh...yeah. Yeah, they did"
gellaho
That is helpful
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
I'm sure this won't be relevant in 5 minutes
gellaho
Oh, so not Connie?
gellaho
gellaho
A lot less interesting for him to be mad because he died while his daughter was in prison
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
Skill issue.
gellaho
Especially when it means surfing had fuck all to do with the plot
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
"this is everyone's fault but mine," Catlin said furiously
FancyShark
Laaaaame
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
I would simply not be in prison while my daughter died. Built different.
FancyShark
Couldn't manage a Hot Fuzz and make EVERY clue wrong. Had to settle for one really stupid twist
gellaho
Joe's going to do an upper decker in all the bathrooms
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
Eats all their snacks.
gellaho
But, why though
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
Tips over the ceral boxes in the pantry like a raccoon.
gellaho
Better describe the villain right before the book ends
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
Not even that evocative of a description. Like........you got the shorts color but the shirt is just a shirt?
Why is the color of his shorts important but not the color of his shirt?
FancyShark
"Only a true sleazebag would wear white shorts after Labor Day"
gellaho
I've seen better security on a toy treasure chest
gellaho
gellaho
A very serious threat from a very serious criminal organization
FancyShark
Crack the whip!
Crack the whip, Frank!
gellaho
Bested by a faulty gate
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
Ram it.
RAM THAT FUCKIN GATE NERD!
GDC
Frank Hardy pops the clutch and tells Pete Gordon to eat his dust.
gellaho
Oh, right. We're in a car
FancyShark
Why do you need a separate plan for a closed gate!?
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
See, you should have just rammed it.
gellaho
You're seventeen, Joe that was last year
FancyShark
Plan A should be "smear every thug across the pavement like you're painting a mural with a car"
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
Every car based plan that isnt "Hey can we bolt a flame thrower to this?" is pointless.
gellaho
That's how limos work
gellaho
The famously sporty limousines
FancyShark
With its massive horsepower and 800 yard turn radius
gellaho
And they're usually so fuel efficient
gellaho
The Boys are planning to Thelma and Louise off the barely introduced cliff
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
Fun limo fact, they're wildly dangerous and result in many fatalities, but there are freqently fewer safety regulations on limos.
gellaho
It's a good thing Jade took these two to that exact point 120 pages ago for no reason
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
Solely here to remind us that the ghost writer did a small amount of research.
FancyShark
Honestly surprised they haven't leveraged their immortality more often
gellaho
Time to steal a hang glider
GDC
They should have called it Chekov's Cliff.
gellaho
Remember when they constructed a hang glider to help an ancient nuclear physicist from The Assassins?
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
Hell yes, maybe they can hang glide into a fuckin volcano.
gellaho
That was a thing that happened
"We can kick the shit out of these two"
FancyShark
And not making it to thirteen or fourteen
gellaho
It'd be a shame if anything happened to it
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
Hahahha yeah, rob that dad!
gellaho
Just go over there real quick
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
"Son, this was an important lesson. Never trust the main characters if you have an interesting vehicle."
GDC
This geriatric mid thirties guy.
gellaho
EAT SHIT, FUCKERS!
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
lol
FancyShark
"Dad, this is why Mom left you"
gellaho
Fuck, really? Really ghostwriter?
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
"farewell, trusting aviators! One day we will repay you! Unless of course we can't find you or we forget "
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
"We are so crashing this irreparably, Joe."
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
"We really ruined that guys bonding with his kid, huh Frank?"
gellaho
Right into somebody's pool
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
They can bond as they walk down the fucking mountain
FancyShark
Sure, that's deep enough to save them at that speed
gellaho
It seems like they could have done this at any time
FancyShark
Wait, that's it?
gellaho
With the criminals right behind
FancyShark
What the hell, book?
gellaho
Yeah, they use the phone at that house
Look how exciting it was
gellaho
I shouldn't have kept it from you
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
I guess that whole crooked cop mafia problem was a little exaggerated
FancyShark
Ahh, closure. Thank you!
gellaho
That devious Pete!
Space Magic Flippant Sausage
lol