139: The Hardy Boys #81: The Demon's Den Franklin W. Dixon

FancyShark

"Your real names are Paul Bunyan"

gellaho

This is so fucking bizarre

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

Stop gaslighting the clone boys, Frank.

Also dont.......dont put your finger on their lips.

Thats weird.

gellaho

I don't like murderous mother Frank Hardy

FancyShark

Don't you see?

Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)

Turns out Rhee had a blue car and let them call him dad when they were little

FancyShark

This is the darkness we've always joked lives inside Frank

We were right

Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time

Put your fingers on their lips, Frank. It calms them

Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)

Hopefully it meant his own lips

Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time

Frank is finally listening to me

gellaho

The foreigner finally noticed what's happening in this vehicle they're all in

Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)

Nice guarding

gellaho

I wonder what's going to happen in this chapter

gellaho

The creepy scientist resumes creeping

gellaho

Stupid government, always naysaying

gellaho

He compares himself to scientists you may have heard of

gellaho

You don't know that

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

Also Galileo wasnt in jail because he disproved heliocentrism, that was never Catholic dogma.

And he was under house arrest.

And Italian so he had it coming.

gellaho

These damn mysterious foreign countries

gellaho

Without names or specific interests

And very easily duped by slightly tall teens

Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)

And also I craft giant footprints in the forest and tell lumberjacks I'm evil Paul Bunyan because ....

Hang on I can come up with something...

gellaho

The Hardy Boys are the Ubermensch

Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time

Okay fine, I admit it, it's the only thing that gets me off anymore

Not the foot thing, I'm not weird. Scared lumberjacks.

gellaho

Tall phobia is a huge problem

gellaho

FancyShark

It's not like there are any other mythical beings of huge stature that would be more suited to scaring people

gellaho

And the deathcult is an unintended consequence

gellaho

Way to make that the cover

Oh, no! It's Clint Howard!

Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)

Behold, the face of the future!

With just 20 more years of research I will be able to sell Russia a boy who can do the hammer throw better than regular boys!

gellaho

They fake a fire and contact the CIA

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

And the day was saved! Thanks to: The United States Coast Guard.

gellaho

Then back to sleep

gellaho

Only to be awoken by the chubby face of Chet

gellaho

So, the rescue happened whilst they were unconscious. Great stuff

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

"Old boy"?!

FancyShark

Chet is still toweling the rest of Rhee off his fists

gellaho

Feel like there would be a lot more charges

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

The coast guard that had to hose him off the deck will never forget it.

gellaho

Was this written by someone in the dustbowl?

gellaho

Get it? He's fat!

FancyShark

Chet is a hero because he didn't crush Joe's face for that remark

Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time

Chet would've been a hero if he crushed Joe's face

Now Chet is nothing

gellaho

Oh, just a ransom? Then it's fine. I guess

gellaho

Don't ask for the impossible

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

I dont think assuming everything would go okay with the kidnapping makes it any better.

Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time

I will never stop hoping for someone who can end their reign of terror

gellaho

Chet still hasn't gotten his fish

FancyShark

"Selling someone with the best of intentions" isn't going to fly in court

gellaho

Sounds like a man who wants Indonesia to get nuked

FancyShark

Chet caught the fish once, they had a night of life-changing romance, and now the fish won't call back

gellaho

Chet's a pirate now

FancyShark

Chet is now out another $850 fishing rod

gellaho

Joe gapes

Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)

This was a BIIIG slip from our poor British ghostwriter

gellaho

But, the fish remains uncaught

FancyShark

Below the surface, the Gill Man screams in silent rage and agony at the massive hook gouged in his right eye

Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)

"I'll get you for this, Hardys. I swear it "

The end....?

gellaho

And, in contrast with the best opening line of any book

Here's one of the worst

gellaho

The end

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

Die in a fire.

gellaho

We have defeated The Hardy Boys #81: The Demon's Den

FancyShark

We did it!

Thank you, @gellaho !

Trains, everyone!

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

Thanks @gellaho

gellaho

I went through and replaced all the eyes in that cover, which I know realize was as pointless as the cult itself

Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)

Thanks @gellaho that was fun

Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time

Thank you @gellaho !

TRAINS!

powerthrills

What'd I miss?

Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)

Evil Paul Bunyan

gellaho

May your deathcults be fully independent of a Paul Bunyan hypnosis cult

powerthrills

If the modern Universal Monsters revival had any steam, some studio would have tried to do a Tall-Tales-EU