gellaho
Flesh
140: Kent Montana and the Reasonably Invisible Man Lionel Fenn
#2 Kent Montana
Tags:
He's out of sight...and out of his mind!
Archive
gellaho
Fe-male flesh
Distaff
gellaho
These are very disparate definitions
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
English is a fake language.
Deep Chief noiretoon
No spindle had gone unviolated in his home, all according to Maleficent's plan
gellaho
Nipples
gellaho
Nipples!
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Nipples?
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
selppiN
gellaho
Balls
FancyShark
Hi, @Deep Chief noiretoon !
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
Do you think Lionel went insane writing this, or did he never know what a joke was?
Deep Chief noiretoon
I shudder to think of the condition of the original manuscript since the writer's clearly doing this all one-handed
FancyShark
Could be both. There are many ways to go insane.
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Im not a brainologist but I think not knowing what a joke is is a form of insanity
gellaho
Kent sees what's in the bag
gellaho
It'd be fantastic if we could know
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
If it were a book id demand the author be beheaded in the town square.
Deep Chief noiretoon
It's incredible how I'm not even holding this book and I want to throw it
gellaho
NIPPLES
FancyShark
Not the most dignified words to be remembered by
gellaho
Turns out it is
FancyShark
I'll get the axe
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Im drafting a letter to my congresspeople right now, demanding Lionel be posthumously executed.
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
Get the big axe
Deep Chief noiretoon
"Necronomicon Ex Mortiae,"
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
The small one hurts more!
FancyShark
I'll split the difference and get the hammer
gellaho
Good writing demands you don't get to the motivation until page 126 of your 198 page book
FancyShark
"Money"
Part Six
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Is that motivation for the invisible man or motivation for the protagonist?
FancyShark
The protagonist has no motivation
The invisible man wants to kill him for sleeping with his wife
Deep Chief noiretoon
I can no longer blame the illiterate for keeping up their defenses in regard to this book
FancyShark
The author wants to get paid before anyone realizes what he's done
gellaho
Get excited for the motivation!
Next week
FancyShark
DUN DUN DOOOONNNNNE for now
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy next weeeeeeek
FancyShark
We partly did it!
Thank you, @gellaho !
Great riff work, everyone!
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
For a book with a cover and a name that evokes the things this does, this book is so fuckin boring.
Deep Chief noiretoon
"Reading and writing? Isn't that how Kent Montana stories are made? Not even once"
"...fair point"
FancyShark
Have a good night, everybody!
Except you, Lionel
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
Thank you @gellaho ! I can't believe this is a two parter
gellaho
This book has the opposite problem of the first Kent Montana, where there was way too much happening
A Brendan for Christmas
I survived it by eating fried chicken and watching Longlegs with a dog instead.
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Hell yeah dog and chicken movie.
gellaho
The Book Cage: Episode 140.5
Kent Montana and the Reasonably Invisible Man - Part 2
Seeing as how there have been no messages since, we'll be keeping the Kent Montana train rolling once gain. Kent Montana is fighting against a mostly invisible country-western singer in the UK, because that's comedy. His assemblage of fake prostitutes, fake sailors, and clumsy old women are all that stands between Kent (failed soap star and Scottish lord) and total doom! Maybe. The plot still hasn't really kicked off even though we're 65% of the way through the book. And maybe we'll watch The Hardy Boys Casefiles #80: Dead of Night: The Movie afterward as a treat. See you this Friday, 5pm eastern.
gellaho
FancyShark
He got six books out of the Kent Montana character
Six!
Octo: Jingle Engine
Say what you will but I haven't even gotten one book out of the Kent Montana character
gellaho
Coming up on the hour, it's the second part of Kent Montana and the Reasonably Invisible Man. Here is where we left off
gellaho
And here's where we are going
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Rad.
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
BOOK
gellaho
Suck it, losers
FancyShark
CAGE
Hi, @Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time ! Hi, @gellaho ! Hi, @Verified Pervert FlippantSausage !
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
Hi @FancyShark !
gellaho
And now, a chapter entirely in italics
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
Sure, why not, sometimes a typewriter gets stuck
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Yay a change of pace, so exciting.
gellaho
When you're out, you're out, and when you're out, you're out
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Fuuuuuuuuck offffffffff
FancyShark
Old age and train accidents. The only two ways people die in Britain
gellaho
I can't believe no one wants to hear his novelty country-western songs
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
The NHS used to be so good.
Who would have thought that Britain would run out of grandmas?
gellaho
Not the tower records!
FancyShark
Well, you shouldn't have invested in straw
gellaho
You know how much the British children love Waylon Jennings
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Should I.....be feeling bad for this goober? Instead of "Yeah sucks to suck, Welsh Lyle Lovett."
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
I didn't know the Mortdecai Twitter account was still going
FancyShark
Hi, @Tom, Boy Detective (Retired) !
gellaho
Those wacky Germans, always stepping on toes
FancyShark
If HP Lovecraft got way into folk music
gellaho
You'd think not being able to swim would make drowning easier
FancyShark
He only got as far as a puddle in the bathroom
gellaho
A puddle of his own making
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Man you have fucked up when "Walk into the sea." isnt an option.
gellaho
Then he gets beaten by random field louts
gellaho
You gotta watch out for the roving bands of moor toughs
FancyShark
He's not even landlocked
Ask your doctor if Paxil is right for you
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
lol bro you didnt pawn your guitar? Are you even that broke?
gellaho
I can't say I understand what this is about
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
Wow, still going huh
FancyShark
New theory: Lionel wrote all this out before deciding to put it in a book
gellaho
It's the whole chapter
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
"oh no haha that's for a book I'm working on," Lionel said. The stranger at the cafe didn't believe him, but also didn't care.
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
This is the most boring suicide note ive ever read, by far.
FancyShark
This lacks the quiet dignity and succinct, punchy prose of "Itchy. Tasty."
gellaho
One step closer to the edge, and I'm about to break
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
Coroner gives it back with notes
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Kurt Cobain really feeling let off the hook here.
FancyShark
"I cannot see, yet can spell without issue"
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
I mostly missed the first half. So this is a comedy book right
gellaho
A brief respite to read about Ken reading
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Oh right this is a book about that asshole.
FancyShark
Allegedly
gellaho
Took the words right outta my mouth
FancyShark
Was it pathetic?
You have to tell the reader these things, Lionel
gellaho
Wakka wakka
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
MOSTLY invisible.
We can apparently see his nipples and dick and balls.
gellaho
Anyway, back to the diary
FancyShark
He starts eating plastic food?
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
"This organic shit is for the birds. Literally, because im eating grass."
gellaho
Racigargren Darcidagren
gellaho
"Get it?" thinks Lionel as he scribbles this in crayon
gellaho
He finds his guitar in the trash and then Lionel's got the old suicide switcheroonie
FancyShark
I'd say this guy should try journaling, but...
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Dude, Johnny Cash couldnt sing a bit and he did fine.
gellaho
Lionel's got the same bit again
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Maybe write more songs about doing cocaine and shooting your woman
Well, Britain so youd have to write songs about doing cocaine and stabbing your woman, but close enough.
gellaho
The only laughs in the book are the ones Lionel writes himself
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Hey bro? Maybe fall back on your science training a little quicker?
You could have gotten a decent job in all manner of places.
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
Oh I thought it would be a magic realism thing where his fading from the limelight caused him to become invisible
But no he's just incongruously also a biochemist who will invent an invisibility potion
gellaho
So he wrote "[Later]" in the diary? Because otherwise you've been just using line breaks for that
gellaho
It's funny because the bird died
gellaho
Let's go for round two on the same bit
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
Forever more shall people bonk their heads on the invisible pigeon statue I shall erect upon the moors
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
So..........nobody.......commented on the truck driver that hit an invisible bull?
Thats a pretty big animal.
gellaho
He's eating vermin, which is funny? I also don't know why he's making them invisible if he plans on eating them
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
I think hes probably wanting to gain their powers.
And figures he might as well make invisibility one of them.
gellaho
A "loud-hailer"
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
I think it's kind of a play on the actual book The Invisible Man? A book that really shouldn't be parodied by a hack like this
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Suicide bomb the cops! DO IT! MAKE IT HAPPEN TED........I MEAN WELSH GUY.
gellaho
The little slut down at the library
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
He thinks he's being arrested because the pigeon belonged to someone. Is that funny? Ah whatever, put it in the book anyway
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Hell yeah Library Sluts.
The best kind.
gellaho
Peek-a-boo
gellaho
So... that was the motivation
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Well.......Lionel, you have a day job, right?
gellaho
And Lionel has a real kneeslapper for the next part.
Are you ready?
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
SO ready
gellaho
So funny
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
🤔
gellaho
Kent really likes the word "preposterous"
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
I really wish Kent had been killed in that bar fracas.
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
Lionel congratulated his own writing in his book
Which was a great observation I just made, but Lionel hasn't earned it
The next section is titled "I'm Doing So Good At This"
gellaho
I might need a minute after reading this. I'm so irritated
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
Fuck you Lionel
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Lionel............little tip. Try not to make the reader feel like stabbing you ALL the time.
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
I hope you hated writing tie in books
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Lionel, you have a worse story than any D list Chinese indie game trying to get me to give them five dollars.
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
That's so dumb
gellaho
I guess the characters are meta now. Fucking fantastic
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
And fuck your goddam "How do you write in ITALICS?" joke.
FancyShark
You can't make a meta joke when you still haven't made a normal joke, Lionel
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Kent is the hero?
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
I've read so many authors who can do this sort of thing well
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
I didnt think he was even the protagonist.
gellaho
Lionel attempts writing visual slapstick into a book. Goes as well as expected
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
I feel like Gellaho's getting closer and closer to throwing this book into the woods while screaming, and I support that
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
If I were Lionel and wasnt a dipshit, I would pass this all off as if it was an elaborate experiment in trying to write a novel without relying on critical structures of writing, like "pacing", "characters" or "being good to read."
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
If I were Lionel I would wander into the sea for the good of humanity
gellaho
"You get it? Suicide the only way to stay alive? I'm so witty," thought Lionel, shortly before failing a Highlights magazine puzzle
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Just pretend i was writing a Finnegans Wake via primitive Douglas Adams aping.
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
Lot of suicide in this book
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Clearly it was on Lionels mind.
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
Lionel has ideas
Ideas he might want to act on
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
Like even books about suicide I think might have fewer references to suicide
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
If it saves us from four more of these books I'm firmly on team "Lionel should bungee jump without the bungee"
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
Also, I don't get it
gellaho
Excuse me me, it's library slut
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
"Lionel thinks the word slut is funny" kind of explains the problems with this book
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
Slut and suicide, evergreen punchlines
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
He's going for irreverent and overshot it into "short story rejected by the middle school newspaper because no one got your jokes" territory
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Im glad Angus hit him.
Never shame the Library Sluts, honor and respect them.
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
Tom Holt and Robert Rankin, btw, for some slightly lesser known examples of authors who did this sort of thing only better in every possible way
gellaho
"He's right," said the slut
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Kick his ass anyway.
gellaho
I still don't really understand why he's censoring some of these names
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Just doesnt want to spell fake Welsh proper nouns.
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
Wonder what song he was singing under his breath
gellaho
That is convenient
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
"gonna make myself invisible,
She's a slut, so insatiable"
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
And hes really missing out because Welsh proper nouns are things like Mwnt and Penisarwaun.
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
"gonna show the world my nasty side,
Much more fun than suicide"
gellaho
Not the best room service
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
How do you impersonate room service while invisible
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Its Britain, they think people who bring you food are invisible anyway.
gellaho
Meanwhile, the other policewoman is still pretending to be a hooker for some reason
gellaho
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
That's a great example of something too clever for this author
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
I wish the jackass up for belt strangling was Lionel.
gellaho
Don't know why this is a separate part, Lionel
FancyShark
When does the terror start, Lionel?
gellaho
A great place to keep a gun
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
Every time he makes eye contact with another customer at the cafe and says "oh, this? Well I'm writing a novel, you see. A delicious little send-up of classic crime thrillers with some Invisible Man thrown in..."
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Unless Janice has a considerable bosom that revolver cant be very big.
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
Every time Gellaho posts
gellaho
I'm not sure eyeballs on their own can do anything but glare
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
See?
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Shoot him between the eyes.
You have a perfect bracket.
gellaho
They can't narrow if his eyelids are invisible, Lionel
FancyShark
It's hard to have a dramatic standoff when one of the parties isn't fully visible
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Also his head is fully above hers, shoot him in the face!
Its the number one rule of hostage negotiations. Always shoot them in the face.
Second rule is always shoot thru the hostage.
FancyShark
Third rule is Robocop
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
Probably should have lied and said you invented an invisible knife, Dargren. Choking someone takes ages and that guy has a gun
gellaho
Wakka wakka
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
See that's a good punchline
It's just the paragraph of setup that sucks
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
hahahhaha bashing kent with a pipe WAS pretty funny.
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
And the rest of the book. The rest of the book also sucks.
gellaho
Lionel briefly starts writing Kent as a California surfer dude for some reason
gellaho
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
"I cracked your skull because youre a shithead."
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
And the hostage is probably not happy about Kent's "why me?" Approach to saving her life
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
She barely counts as alive, she works in a hotel in Britain.
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
Man the Brits are catching some serious strays today
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Legally shes a kind of mobile fungus since Brexit.
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
Oh now I get it
gellaho
The writing of the invisible man is also widely inconsistent
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
What?
Fuck off.
FancyShark
So you hate him the most and all you did was hit him in the head instead of kill him
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
Lionel realized nothing had happened in this book up until now, so now he's trying to cram all the events in at the end
gellaho
Lionel lists off a bunch of pronouns and pretends that's a joke
FancyShark
Lionel, if you keep up this level of comedy, you could get a job writing Tripping the Rift
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Hah.
hah hah.
gellaho
So, I guess Kent's mother bought the record company in Kent's name, then laid off a couple of country western singers
gellaho
gellaho
This was somehow blamed on Kent
And for some reason, a lot of people cared deeply about some singers losing their record contracts
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
I feel like with the right actors this would be a very funny TV show.
FancyShark
Lionel
gellaho
So much so that it ruined his acting career
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Wait...........Lionel is this your fucking Blackadder spec script?
FancyShark
Shit, I think you nailed it
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
But if there was no good reason for letting Dargren go, wouldn't some other label have been happy to pick him up?
gellaho
I'm not entirely clear on why firing a couple of aging country singers would affect anything, much less a relative's acting career
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
Even if he took a pay cut, would have been better than eating invisible rats in a shed
FancyShark
I guess people would despise him for firing a popular singer?
Like how music companies immediately go under when they let go of a pop star
You know
That thing that definitely happens
gellaho
I don't think you were selling millions, Welsh country western singer
gellaho
That seems like an extremely limited audience
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
Was he internationally known?
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Its like 20 people in Wales, and a few hundred thousand in China.
gellaho
What
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
Lionel got a bit distracted during that paragraph. Hopefully he cleared his head quickly
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
He typed that paragraph very quickly and then went to the bathroom.
gellaho
Kent decides to give up on the chase to get the notebooks. Which they've already read.
gellaho
The library slut is horny for gore
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Hell yeah, a Library Horror Slut.
gellaho
Where they serve roasted capes and grilled wines
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
I prefer my capes stir fried with a savory sauce.
Tom, Boy Detective (Retired)
What the hell are you talking about
gellaho
Lionel thinks this constitutes a full chapter
FancyShark
I'm completely lost on what the villain's goal is
gellaho
And then the next chapter starts the exact same way
gellaho
Which is a... joke?
gellaho
Which villain
FancyShark
I don't even know
gellaho
Because there's also the fat guy and skinny woman who want to take over the world...somehow
FancyShark
Ohhh, right
gellaho
And Milo here who plans on getting rich... somehow
FancyShark
The invisible man is the villain I was thinking of, but he keeps giving up on killing Kent
gellaho
Something to do with the notebooks, but I don't know how either goal could be accomplished from what we read