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gellaho
The Book Cage Episode 74 The Hardy Boys Casefiles ™️ #66: Operation Phoenix #3: The Phoenix Equation
The boys have been jet-setting around the world, stopping poachers and pointlessly investigating their father's fake murder. Now, on to Berlin, baby! Will Joe be able to keep it in his pants enough to solve this international mystery and find their father? Will Frank experience a human emotion? Will whatever Phoenix Enterprises actually is be explained? All will be explained in THE FINAL RECKONING, this Friday 5pm eastern. For sure this time.
gellaho
FancyShark
Could the person inside the operation be the suspicious-as-hell politician that sent them and whose only given character trait is his unblemished public reputation? Or could it be the customs agent?
gellaho
Possibly the politician. Except that I'm pretty sure the ghostwriter(s) already forgot about them
FancyShark
Yeah. This writer's no Hawke
1000 Space GDCs
This trilogy has all the hallmarks of multiple ghostwriters who didn't share notes. In this way it can be compared to the most recent star wars movies.
gellaho
At the top of the hour, it's The Hardy Boys Casefiles ™️ #66: Operation Phoenix #3: The Phoenix Equation. Here's your explosive preview
FancyShark
Oh shit! They threw a computer through the window!
gellaho
That lamppost looks real weird
FancyShark
Lewd
1000 Space GDCs
I didn't realize they circumcized their lampposts in the UK.
FancyShark
It helps keep them clean
gellaho
I forgot about the name Jumsai Lee Khoo
FancyShark
I misread it as "snuggling ring" and now want that story
gellaho
Looks like we got one of the ghostwriters who is thirsty for Hardy
FancyShark
It's a spare face he carries with him
1000 Space GDCs
The cop is angry that Joe isn't doing his job for him.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
The Hardys are so square faced they belong in Minecraft.
gellaho
Fenton Hardy just going around framing someone for all his crimes
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
You can build houses from their skulls.
FancyShark
When they find their dad, they'll have to bludgeon him until he forgets the identity. NO ONE CAN KNOW.
gellaho
Everyone is tight and angular
1000 Space GDCs
Oh shit, is the reveal that Fenton was the mastermind behind every crime they've solved?
FancyShark
Everyone in Sweden is named Rik?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Also every city.
LyraV
His lean sharp clean handsome features. Also keen.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Rik Rikson from Rikspols Rikspolis.
gellaho
Everyone just glaring and squinting at everyone else
gellaho
1000 Space GDCs
The ghost writer is very proud of having read the term Rikspolis in their old copy of Encyclopedia Britannica.
FancyShark
Stern-faced is no redhead
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Lol what the fuck is an MP doing there?
Oh shit are the Hardy boys dodging the draft?!
1000 Space GDCs
Everyone has Liefeld-face
gellaho
Joe thinking his master criminal monolog
FancyShark
"Welcome, agents. To your...DOOM!"
"Joe, shut up"
1000 Space GDCs
Joe read a copy of the Anarchist Cookbook on the way to Stockholm.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
He bought a beret in France.
gellaho
Joe throwing a tantrum at multiple law enforcement agencies
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Hasn't stopped calling Frank "the bourgeoisie" since.
FancyShark
"We're the authorities, fatherless asshole"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
To be fair, Military Police and Customs agents probably have less jurisdiction in Europe than regular teen boys.
LyraV
I mean...we're the forces of law and order? Like you keep muttering under your breath.
gellaho
I'd love to hear the logical reasons for why two teens should investigate this smuggling ring
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Look, government pig, facts dont care about your feelings and that means me and my brother can do whatever the fuck we want in Europe."
FancyShark
Joe tries to sweeten the deal with sandwich
Joe eats the sandwich before he finishes talking
gellaho
☑️ Redhead, page 6
FancyShark
Hell yeah!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Oh shit shes giving them uniforms, I guess they did get drafted.
FancyShark
The Hardys live in a world that's 80% sexy redheaded women and I hate them for it
LyraV
Hardy Boy bingo would be a thing of explosions and redheads that's for sure.
gellaho
Apparently they are going to be housed in a safe house now. This is obviously the best way to get there
FancyShark
This is the best way to lure them away from the actual case
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Yes because theres no chance they will simply use the motorcycles to escape.
FancyShark
Honorcycles
gellaho
"I wish we had some vroom-vrooms"
FancyShark
The motorcycles squeak, their feelings hurt
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Cmoooooooon you wusses. Try to escape on a Vespa.
gellaho
Well, I guess just give up on that plan
FancyShark
@Brendan , Hardy Time!
gellaho
No, you aren't
FancyShark
I'm "Keyboard Isn't Working"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Barbro is a character in BroForce.
I'm sure of it.
FancyShark
It's only in the US version. Originally, he was Vega
gellaho
Getting straight into it
FancyShark
"CHEESE IT, BRO!"
"There's che-"
💥
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
God every time they get an attempt on their lives its just so incompetent.
FancyShark
I think Wile E. Coyote has a higher success rate
gellaho
If only there were some emergency services around to help these police out.
Wait
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
You know whats easier than a binary hypergolic reaction? A glass bottle full of gasoline, with a burning rag in the top.
gellaho
You try killing an immortal
FancyShark
Correction: MOST of those three police are inside
FancyShark
Are you a sorcerer?
LyraV
You would start getting increasingly desperate and dramatic.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Yes.
gellaho
I'm pretty sure they should be able to walk out
FancyShark
The cop are all in the next room watching futbol
gellaho
They weren't in the room what exploded
LyraV
Barbro Alvorg would be a dope sorceress name, Geralt would be into it.
gellaho
This number seems unwieldy
FancyShark
Emergencies are over 9000
I'll go to hell now
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Frank I think they will just follow the explosions and fire.
1000 Space GDCs
You many know Barbro Alvorg's cousin, Bobson Dugnutt.
FancyShark
"If only we weren't in town for the Explosion Festival"
gellaho
The ghostwriter has decided to really personify the fire
LyraV
Hopefully.
1000 Space GDCs
That's not how fire works, frank.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Sweden is in the northern hemisphere so the fire goes clockwise.
Brendan
I got home at 5, my dog slipped out the door and began barking at the brand new neighbors while we tried to keep him away from the street. Hi, what are those stupid kids up to this week?
1000 Space GDCs
Fire always travels in the shortest path to a chimney
FancyShark
They're in Sweden and someone tried to bomb them
1000 Space GDCs
Joe's gone full ACAB.
FancyShark
Also, redhead traffic cop
1000 Space GDCs
ACAB, except for her
gellaho
You two were the only ones in the exploding room, I don't see how. Unless that was a guided chemical bomb
FancyShark
All Cops Are Badonkin'
gellaho
They're also on the first floor
Brendan
All Crimson Authorities: Babes
gellaho
Let's look at the cover again
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
IF they were close to the blast, then their organs are jelly. Leave them.
gellaho
Guessing that's not a very, very low lamppost
gellaho
The old street level lampposts
FancyShark
It's one of those little lights you put by the footpath so guests can find their way in the dark
Or it's for a garden gnome village
1000 Space GDCs
They got blown out of a window and into Narnia
LyraV
They would be shredded by the glass.
gellaho
I'm sure you got the three adults out the window before the flames got to you
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Sweden isnt Narnia already?!
1000 Space GDCs
It looks like that window was made of glass designed to shatter into prison shivs
gellaho
I bet he did
Brendan
He saved her life. Unfortunately, he also got her pregnant.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Joe, you dont use that much tongue when you do CPR.
You know that.
FancyShark
Nine months later, she'd give birth to a block of immortal cement
gellaho
"Eh, she's fine! Let's run around Europe"
FancyShark
"I'm sure the murderers left. They'll be safe!"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Hahahhaha of course the Hardy boys have money belts.
1000 Space GDCs
Money belts and pocket protectors are their EDC
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Keeping their precious American currency away from the notorious pickpockets of Sweden.
FancyShark
Swedes hide stolen wallets in their perfect cheekbones
gellaho
Get some quick B&E in while on the run
FancyShark
A locksmith was blacklisted after this
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Oh yeah remember that guy you had a kung fu death duel with, bro? That was rad."
gellaho
That's right, ghostwriter, the whole tower is the CPU
gellaho
1000 Space GDCs
"he turned into kind of a stereotype at the end, it was awkward"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Fingers crossed for a computer explosion.
1000 Space GDCs
An IT department very serious about asset management, here.
gellaho
They hide behind the peepin' tapestry
Brendan
Seems like you two foreign yanks were seen fleeing an arson and leaving the body of an unconscious woman clinging to life exposed to the Swedish cold.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Bolting things to the ground just gives people a reason to have bolt cutters.
And bolts to steal.
FancyShark
They bump right into Polonius
Who explodes
1000 Space GDCs
"Frank recognized the tapestry as the one that used to hang in the bathroom"
gellaho
A wild nerd appears
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Bolt cutters are very cool and everyone should own them, btw.
FancyShark
All knees and elbows? Sounds like a Bloodborne monster
1000 Space GDCs
They're extremely useful for a surprising number of things that aren't crimes, too.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Joe is a threaded cane main, Frank is a Kirkhammer boy.
gellaho
Building tension over a key press
FancyShark
Joe thinks he can use the shield
Are you sure, Frank?
LyraV
'This town's finished!'
gellaho
Frank, being a robot, winces in sympathy for the destroyed data
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Frank tries so hard to use the Rosmarinus.
FancyShark
'Hardys all over the shop'
Now Frank would have to rely on googlefu
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Just grab the dude and beat his ass until he tells you what you want to know, geez.
gellaho
The nerd escapes, but Frank saves his best friend
Brendan
As Frank and the Stranger strangled one another to death, Joe calmly pressed CTRL + Z
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Fucking Swedish DOS." Frank muttered.
gellaho
Frank's turning into the Riddler
1000 Space GDCs
Joe clicks the "restore" button in the recycle bin and congratulates himself on being a master hacker
FancyShark
Nothing like evidence tampering. Now it's a Hardy Boys book!
gellaho
The fucking names in this series
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"RIDDLE ME THIS, SWEDISH POLICE! What is red, white and blue and doesnt give a fuck about local law enforcement?"
FancyShark
Every name is a winning Scrabble hand
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
And not a bad Warhammer Fantasy character name.
I'd play Barbro Alvorg.
FancyShark
Grunewald would be an inquisitor, no question
gellaho
Rolodex joins Dumpster in the illustrious pantheon of Hardy-approved brand names
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Give her a zweihander and watch her cleave goblins.
FancyShark
Nothing as timeless as Rolodex
1000 Space GDCs
Barbro Alvorg is a half-orc name.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I'm just old enough to know what a Rolodex looks like but have never seen one in the wild.
1000 Space GDCs
Half-orcs can still be cute freckled redheads, right?
gellaho
Time for some 🌭
FancyShark
According to several unpublished binders I have, yes
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
What.......... Joe.........when you talk like that it makes me think you are having a stroke.
gellaho
MUST CONSUME
gellaho
But they actually said it this time
FancyShark
Joe, you're mistaken. Hot dogs give you tourista
1000 Space GDCs
A swedish hot dog is a pickled herring on a bun with mayo
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Joe really said "My hovercraft is full of eels." but the hotdog guy isnt a fool. You ask a hotdog stall owner for something, nine times out of ten its a hotdog.
LyraV
gellaho
Joe Hardy would go on to write for The Mind of Mencia
FancyShark
I think gellaho just won for Most Savage Burn
1000 Space GDCs
Joe fondly remembers being abandoned in airports for days at a time.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Jesus Christ Joe. Its the 90s, 9\11 hasnt even happened yet.
FancyShark
It doesn't help that Joe's pointing at the dude
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
And full on yelling.
gellaho
Some rock solid evidence there
FancyShark
Only refugees get lost
GPS sales will vindicate me
Brendan
I could go for a hot dog.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I have a can of Hormel chili and a package of hotdogs waiting to be dumped in an air fryer later.
LyraV
'Frank do you ever feel like even though we've had enough of the hot dogs maybe they'll never have enough of us? Like they'll mock our adventures? Nah you're right that's crazy.'
FancyShark
"What's 'feel'?"
1000 Space GDCs
I'm about to go eat some tacos in the basement of a metal bar.
Brendan
I'm eating burek, but it's pizza burek so it's like getting the full Albanian pizzeria experience if I add some thick yogurt.
gellaho
The Boys, high off several hotdogs, develop an insane plan
FancyShark
Ridin' that Hoge Hange
Brendan
KETCHUP MURDER
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Shit Lea works in the bad part of Stockholm.
gellaho
Joe Hardy living out some fantasies
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
And witnessed one of the years like five total murders, what bad luck.
FancyShark
Even worse, that thug has Merlin living in his brain
gellaho
So, you bought the melon. Do you just carry fake blood around in your money belt?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
To be fair tho you can get real far with a fistful of kronor and a busted pipe.
1000 Space GDCs
Have we ever had a non-Hardy viewpoint in one of these books before? I feel like this is a new thing this ghostwriter is doing.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
INNOVATION!
1000 Space GDCs
The ghostwriter learned a new thing in their creative writing workshop earlier that week and wanted to try it out.
gellaho
"Maybe she'll go out with me?"
FancyShark
Meanwhile, a family goes without the precious melon they could have bought to feed their sickly child
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Good thing Lea didnt notice the fucking melon seeds or that melon mush doesnt look at all like blood.
FancyShark
Joe having a bad-boy persona feels like we're seeing a child play cowboys
1000 Space GDCs
Cowboys who just caved someone's skull in with a pipe.
gellaho
Joe working out his '30s gangster character
Brendan
You know the old saying. If you've got a melon, you've got luck. If you've got two melons, you've got happiness.
gellaho
Kinda
Brendan
Squarehead is a SLUR sir
As is Boxhead
and Huple
gellaho
And nurple
FancyShark
Joe's gonna make them an offer they can't understand
1000 Space GDCs
"Bad Boys" wear leather jackets and smoke, Joe. You're thinking of "psychopaths"
gellaho
LIIIIPS
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
That poor woman is just talking quickly so Joe doesnt have time to take his dick out.
FancyShark
Odd thing for Joe to think
gellaho
I'm not sure Fat Abie Mandelbaum reaches this book's required ridiculous rating
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Promise him anything, Lea, its just the safe thing to do.
Brendan
Buzz off, frail, peddle that papers line to the evening rags.
FancyShark
Joe gets directed to a West Side Story casting call
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I love how Joe just dropped a gangster name like everyone in Sweden would know Fat Abie
gellaho
Ah, they're bringing in Gul Dukat
FancyShark
I wish
gellaho
I knew the Cardassians were involved
FancyShark
Garrak would run circles around these dweebs
gellaho
"Just let me break this coffee table real quick"
Brendan
"I witnessed a murder and invited the killer to my house to make a 50-kroner referral fee."
Brendan
IKEA confirmed
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Mr. Ducats is his rap name, you see.
gellaho
Frank, I think you boys have had enough
FancyShark
Just one more dog and then they're clean, man
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Two rounds of hotdogs cannot satisfy the Hardy bratthirst.
gellaho
A brown haired white is very conspicuous in Sweden
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Frank sticks out like a spare asshole on porcelain at all times, he might as well have a flashing light on his head.
1000 Space GDCs
Mr. Ducats is the Swedish version of Uncle Pennybags.
Brendan
No it's because he's hitting on every woman without finding out if she's his cousin.
FancyShark
Fool me once...
gellaho
That sounds more like Joe behavior
Joey Taint
gellaho
And LIIIIPS
Frank thought Joe getting beat was very sexy
1000 Space GDCs
Frank is putting a lot of stock in his profiling skills.
FancyShark
Frank discovers a fetish and it's hating his brother
gellaho
Oh, also the gun I guess
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
What an unexpected twist, the two criminals decided to simply murder the young dipshit who kidnapped their associate.
Brendan
I bet there's a game among the four Hardy writers that when you write that line you call up another one of them and make them listen to you slam a shot.
gellaho
The ole gun mouth
FancyShark
At least one of those writers plays to lose
Brendan
Like you're only allowed two exclamatory cliffhangers per novel.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Shoot. Him. In. The. Back. Of. The. Head.
God this isnt hard.
FancyShark
oh jeez. This is how snuff films start, isn't it?
gellaho
Yeah, this isn't a Nancy Drew novel where it's required for every chapter
Joe's voice is very high and girlish
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Drop his ass in the Soderstrom with a rock.
FancyShark
Also, excellent new title, @Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage . I just noticed
1000 Space GDCs
Joe underestimated the human traffickers, now he's on his way to Thailand.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
hahahahah money belt.
Nerds.
FancyShark
"Good price on stupid unkillable american boy mouth"
gellaho
Cargo puts the lotion in the basket
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
He's getting fucked by an Emirati oil baron inside two months, tops.
FancyShark
I can't wait to see which lady gets tricked into signing something to make this legal
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
This is a great way to get repeat business as a guy who arranges illegal travel.
Brendan
Joe swallows 47 condoms full of heroin just to find out where the...I dunno, volvo steering wheel chop shop is, I came in late here.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I know I'm not comfortable unless my travel arrangements include a threatened shooting.
1000 Space GDCs
It's a great way to ride the bus for free.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Makes me feel at home.
gellaho
Frank can't feel anything without silicon chips
FancyShark
Frank hasn't felt guilt about anything before. Why start now?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Frank is considering going back and slitting Lea's throat to tie up loose ends.
1000 Space GDCs
Mr. Ducats sounds like a parody of a wrestler.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Or just a wrestler.
Like........I mean it aint that far from T-Money.
And we all love T-Money.
1000 Space GDCs
He's one of those heels that wears a top hat and brags about how rich he is.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Deffo has a dracula cape.
gellaho
"It's weird that every single person that goes into that travel agency mysteriously disappears, right? Should we investigate?"
"Nah"
Brendan
I owned a 240DL and I can tell you Frank is going to be freezing his lingonberries off for about 11 minutes before the BEST HEATING CORE EVER kicks in.
gellaho
Joe says no to racism
gellaho
Forget what happened twenty pages ago
That was an illusion
FancyShark
Joe can say it because he has white friends
gellaho
The names just keep coming
FancyShark
His real name is Stan Dobson, but he knows gaijin are stupid
1000 Space GDCs
That's rich from someone who pegged the brown guy at the airport as a terrorist.
gellaho
Hey
It was a travel agency
It's a very good question, Joe. Why is any of this in this book
FancyShark
The Fuat Dere got terrible mileage
do it
Do it, writer!
DO IT!
BRING IN THE NAZIS, I DARE YOU!
PULL THE TRIGGER!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Either that or he's former Stasi
Oh god I want that soooooo much, for Joe and Frank to karate the shit out of an ex Stasi guy.
gellaho
See New Casefiles #4: The Lazarus Plot, with the Nazi clone doctor
Brendan
It's the UN of racists!
so like...the UN
gellaho
And now, the previous book's nerd provides tracking equipment for Frank
Brendan
Germany is full of Turks. Their turkish dining is A+. Fuck you, Joe.
FancyShark
Linska gives Frank the "I've seen things you wouldn't believe" speech to Frank and reality collapses
gellaho
Linska is now Frank's Q for... reasons
FancyShark
"Do try to bring it all back in one piece, Double O Dipshit"
gellaho
Then Frank almost gets shot over a ham sandwich
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
All this is 90s tech so it all weighs like two hundred pounds and makes a noise like a jet engine.
FancyShark
Dying for a sandwich would be the perfect way for a Hardy to go
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Frank cant go anywhere without being shot at. See: Asshole on porcelain.
gellaho
"I'm so tired, I only ate fifteen hotdogs today"
FancyShark
That's why you don't tip in Europe
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Man they take change seriously in Sweden.
gellaho
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
FancyShark
Oh FUCK
It's on now
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Some Swede: "Hey, free sandwich!"
FancyShark
Frank's fist bursts through his skull.
"IT'S MINE!"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Just need to pick this bullet out."
gellaho
Meanwhile: Joe gets his fake ID
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
TO be fair tho we know for sure Frank went back for that sandwich.
FancyShark
Joe immediately grows a mustache as he assumes that name
Because there's no way a Ron Grady doesn't have a mustache
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Joe immediately starts doing the worst most Lucky Charms ass accent he can manage.
And will not stop.
gellaho
This seems like a very elaborate way to get to America
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"They take smuggling people real serious in Denmark. They shoot first and ask questions almost never."
FancyShark
"What if I'm a man with nothing left to lose after seeing his girlfriend explode and feeling all love die?"
"Maybe still listen to advice."
gellaho
Frank follows to the airport where he's attacked by some hair gel
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Aye, faith and begorrah, me chum. I, Ron Grady will surely do as ye ask."
Man Frank is having a real rough time, first an attempted shooting and now a knife attack.
FancyShark
Frank vs Cloud Strife
gellaho
Aaaaand... erase all tension
gellaho
Needless to say, this assassin also just gets away
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Of course.
FancyShark
If only there were people that could be notified of these shenanigans
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I feel like ONE of these criminals should have at least wounded Frank or Joe at some point.
gellaho
Master of deduction
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
To be fair they are on the lam from the Rikkies.
Not like you can call the cops when you are also running from said cops to avoid deportation.
FancyShark
That's true
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Frank is really getting the hang of this Continental lifestyle he's living.
FancyShark
I hope the other side of that door is a closet full of stuff belonging to Bjuden
gellaho
"I bet you don't like losing the money you spent on those knives"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"You shithead, you know how many kronor a good knife costs?"
gellaho
He's more knife than man
FancyShark
Time to orkaborkbork the trash
gellaho
Another knife cut down in its prime
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Gooooood stop trying to fucking House of Flying Daggers Frank Motherfucking Hardy, you goob.
FancyShark
By the time this is over, they're both going to be wading through dropped knives
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
A throwing knife isnt even a good weapon. Just stop.
gellaho
Might as well end this knife fight as cartoonishly as possible
gellaho
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
You'll barely injure him, and a wounded Frank Hardy is at his most dangerous.
FancyShark
That duct leads to an incinerator
Brendan
My plan as well.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I would have thought it was a hotdog factory.
gellaho
Acoustical modem hookup
FancyShark
It will be, after everyone inquires about the delicious aroma
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Frank is doing some phone phreaking.
FancyShark
oh shit, we're going full War Games tech?!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
He chirps three times like a bird and calls the Pentagon.
Brendan
If you have perfect pitch you get free transatlantic calls!
gellaho
Got a lot of money in those money belts
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Frank dials the wrong number tho.
FancyShark
Fucking space age
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Fancy Frank Flies First class.
1000 Space GDCs
I just walked to the bar. What did I miss?
FancyShark
"Oh crap, that guy's on the plane. I hope he doesn't see me."
gellaho
Joe is clearly very nervous about being human cargo with his naps
FancyShark
Frank almost got stabbed at the airport
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Buffet!
FancyShark
Joe is assigned to be Irish
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Staying in character, Joe rushes to the buffet and starts grabbing baked potatoes.
gellaho
Alright, ghostwriter, put the boner away
FancyShark
And bowls of Lucky Charms
Ghostwriter's been reading some Simon Hawke
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Jesus Joe how horny do you have to be to know someone is a lady just by bumping them?
gellaho
Joe has a very weird erection right now
FancyShark
Punch
1000 Space GDCs
Joe resists the urge to smell her hair some more.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Oh thank fuck, you weren't killed by your evil dads criminal syndicate!"
FancyShark
Wait, gold skin? Is she using a mod?
1000 Space GDCs
She collected all the chaos emeralds.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I reckon her skin tone is the ghost writer waxing poetical.
gellaho
Ilsa and Joe start throwing foreign words at each other
FancyShark
Writer's waxing something alright
WORD FIGHT!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Yeah because people refer to their own names as "Fine old (insert country) name."
FancyShark
It's how I answer the phone
Really cuts down on telemarketers
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
SWEDEN VS DENMARK!
gellaho
The spookiest fish of all
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
SMORGASBATTLE XXIV!
"Here try the Death Fish."
"Its............pretty good."
1000 Space GDCs
You'd think there'd be more overlap between swedish and dutch when it comes to words for plates of various foods.
gellaho
MUST CONSUME
FancyShark
"I tell ya, you wanna talk salmon from the grave, you should try my wife's cooking!"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
TWO kinds of ham.
Fancy.
1000 Space GDCs
Gravlax is the kimchi of the ocean
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Cmon you detailed every other bit, what two kinds of ham?
gellaho
Her lips did what now
FancyShark
Of course there's two kinds. Ham and Canadian Bacon, the Cursed Ham
1000 Space GDCs
I Can't Believe It's Not Ham
FancyShark
Her lips glitched. What's so hard to understand?
gellaho
The boys meet in the bathroom to talk about ass
FancyShark
It should make sense to talk about butt in the bathroom, but it's still a faux pas
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Oh that super hot rich girl who was, against all odds, somehow interested in you?"
"Didn't she like die or something?"
gellaho
I do not understand this human smuggling operation
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"It was last week, so I dont really remember."
FancyShark
"Different super hot rich girl"
Sven then opened fire, killing them all
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I'm not sure why all the threats and intimidation directed at people who are PAYING to be taken to the US or wherever.
gellaho
"Make sure you pay for the suites with the balconies for our cargo"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I think Mr. Ducat is sinister.
1000 Space GDCs
A dance club with bare brick walls is going to have the worst acoustics.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Joe you stupid bastard.
LyraV
Pushed over the railing instead of choked, mixing it up.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Only inbred 15th century royalty gets defenestrated, and for just this reason.
gellaho
You're right, they are really mistreating these people
FancyShark
They also feed them non-organic produce
gellaho
JOE WILL LIVE
1000 Space GDCs
"that's like 90% of the girls I meet"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Okay give Joe credit he turned in midair like a fucking cat.
1000 Space GDCs
"Same response."
gellaho
Hey, ghostwriter, cut it out
FancyShark
At some point, the Hardys need to invest in parachutes
Brendan
Ilsa Khoo is Joe's Whatever Lauren Cohan Played on Supernatural Catwoman
gellaho
Joe's out for some German revenge
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"I'm gonna short sheet that racist dickheads bed."
FancyShark
Time for a little Oktoberfisticuffs
gellaho
We call this the "Jurassic Park"
gellaho
1000 Space GDCs
Was that the Halle Berry one?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
You didnt read shit, Joe. You saw Jurassic Park like the rest of us.
Don't lie.
Brendan
FancyShark
There's someone watching Joe through a camera getting annoyed at the random idiot messing up their escape room
gellaho
Winner winner, chicken dinner
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
WHOOOOOOOOO!
Nailed it!
Brendan
Stasi are micro-Nazis.
COMMUNIST NAZIS
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Red fash.
1000 Space GDCs
I feel like they're using vaguely orientalist language to describe her, though.
FancyShark
Do not question the presence of Lauren Cohan
LyraV
Dreams do come true! Hardy/Stasi crossover dreams.
FancyShark
I love you, @1000 Space GDCs , but I will fight you on this
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
The fun part is that nobody who read this at time of publication knew what a Stasi was and the whole East Germany thing had to be explained.
Brendan
We were clueless, because nothing escaped East Germany!
gellaho
Or because this was aimed at, you know, children
FancyShark
hmmm
nah
gellaho
Despite all evidence to the contrary
1000 Space GDCs
Not the worst acronym involving two S's to find on a German medal, though.
Brendan
Yeah, fuck them Super Soldiers
gellaho
No, not Sven!
FancyShark
Sven, you dirty slut
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
She gettin Svenned.
Watch Sven is her half brother or something.
FancyShark
I hope Sven thinks a hug is sex and Ilsa doesn't have the heart to correct him
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Joe is just radically misunderstanding the situation.
gellaho
The only German SS man I want to hear about is Rudy Breck
Shout out to Psychodrome
Joe Hardy takes things pretty hard
FancyShark
Joe was hoping to watch
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Or........maybe......Joe, she's putting on an act for the guy who may be holding her hostage?
Or any number of things that dont revolve around YOU?
FancyShark
Actually, him immediately assuming the worst about a woman is classic Joe
gellaho
Presented without context
FancyShark
Joe pissing on Frank was bound to happen eventually
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Mid air pisscrobatics.
Classy.
gellaho
A teen at an amusement park? Kill him!
1000 Space GDCs
At least frank was awake for it this time.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Frank you fucking goober.
You tail people like a grandma.
At least wear a hat.
gellaho
Sven chooses the most flamboyant method of assassination
gellaho
1000 Space GDCs
You know if someone gave him that advice joe would buy a super conspicuous fedora.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Sven..........you are killing a man, what the fuck.
FancyShark
It's nice to see the "goon disguised as statue" move get set up ahead of time for once
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
You dont need to improvise so much you take your shirt off, Ilsa isnt watching.
Sven is a weird dude.
gellaho
"Do you think it's weird that we lose several dozen people in the haunted house attraction each month?"
Brendan
this is a squandered cliffhanger.
gellaho
Haunted house connected to the sewer, sure
FancyShark
We're going full Resident Evil
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
See if I was going to kill someone I'd do it in a sewer.
And not in public wearing a leather vest and using an axe.
gellaho
Frank killed thirty performers at Halloween Horror Nights
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-YAH!"
1000 Space GDCs
Sven is played by Dolph Lundgren, right?
FancyShark
Without question
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I dunno I think thats too upmarket for the Hardys, maybe like a third tier Dolphalike.
gellaho
That corpse looks great among the other corpses
FancyShark
Reb Brown as Dolph Lundgren
Frank then cuts off his head to increase the verisimilitude
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Lorenzo Lamas in a blonde Party City wig at worst.
gellaho
Frank goes to the dock to see a fat boat
FancyShark
Hey, don't boat shame, Frank
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Man all this sneaking thru sewers is kind of pointless.
gellaho
They don't have Kindergarten Cop 2 money
Frank rents a boat from a horny Dane
gellaho
LyraV
How could you lie about how much you loved my boat?!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Four.......hundred dollars?
FancyShark
Can we have a story about the man loving his boat more than his girlfriend? Or is that Captain Ron?
1000 Space GDCs
That guy can't wait to rob Frank and dump his body in the fjord.
gellaho
Frank had about $10,000 in that money belt
considering they're on their third country and he just bought first class tickets
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I think that girl just hates that boat cos its shitty, if he's willing to let it go for four hundred bucks.
Frank aint bringing it back.
FancyShark
He's saving to splurge in Bosnia
gellaho
Meanwhile: Joe really thinks he's really got something with this Strudel insult
Brendan
Strudel rules, though.
LyraV
Eventually someone will laugh.
gellaho
Going crazy in Herzegovina
FancyShark
"Bitte, my father was Strudel. Call me Waffle."
LyraV
That's perfect.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Joe is really egging this probable professional murderer on in a way I kind of find appealing.
gellaho
"Why is this operation so elaborate? How much money did these poor Chinese farmers have?"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"These Chinese folks gave us an hundred kronor!"
FancyShark
We're a long way from the vow of vengeance Joe made back in African Country
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"That's like a million yuan!"
gellaho
Damn you, alphabetic rings!
Brendan
Fenton Hardy is going to retire after one last amazing prank.
FancyShark
If this isn't Fenton's greatest prank, he's a failure
Brendan
why does the ring font change
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
God they are really fucking reaching with putting Joe in danger, huh?
FancyShark
Typewriter jammed
gellaho
All Germans know each other
Agent of Fortune
Is Fenton still "dead"?
Brendan
Joe emerged, clutching black sturgeon roe. "Good news! we're rich!"
gellaho
I'm best friends with Johannes Gutenberg
FancyShark
Officially, yes. But they suspect he's alive.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
You'd think a former Stasi would be able to murder ONE American teen.
FancyShark
Never send a Stasi to kill an immortal
Agent of Fortune
That's shockingly astute of them
Brendan
You didn't count on ONE thing, Fritz! Americans LOVE freedom! So much they'd DIE for it!
gellaho
Tourist Fart
gellaho
Good to know "tourist" is basically the same in all languages
1000 Space GDCs
Strular is having fun fucking with Joe.
Agent of Fortune
Haha Strudel
FancyShark
@LyraV called it. Someone eventually laughed!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
hehehe, tourist farts.
Brendan
Yet fart is not. Quell disappointment
gellaho
Good to see Bus is a proper noun though
Agent of Fortune
That means "Who get the bus"
FancyShark
"Oh golly, yah," the man responded.
Agent of Fortune
Should I be listening to Kraftwerk
gellaho
My vroom vroom joke came true
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Frank, like all Americans, is expecting the Europeans to open their mouths real wide, point at him and shriek when he speaks.
Brendan
I surprised myself after 36 hours in Cologne by being able to argue over a ticket with a conductor.
I AM Frank.
gellaho
Don't pretend German doesn't sound like that
Brendan
Das konduktor was surprisingly cool about the rules and the trains running on time despite all stereotypes.
FancyShark
Not sure how comfortable I'd be with Germans putting me on a train
Brendan
Germans LOVE sharks, you're fine.
Das Apex Predatoren
gellaho
Welp, he's got to show up eventually
gellaho
This is a children's book after all
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I just spaced out when the word "panzershark" floated thru my brain.
FancyShark
Man, that Hitler guy creeps Frank out
gellaho
And if Photon taught me nothing (and it didn't) Hitler is vital to children's literature
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Kids love Hitler.
FancyShark
I dared you to pull the trigger, writer. And you finally did it.
Agent of Fortune
I made the Kraftwerk joke too soon
Brendan
I would accept any level of free motorcycle without grumbling.
*functioning
gellaho
Griefswald seems like a fun place
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
And those old timey ones were beasts, you could damn well bet they would run for that long.
FancyShark
Just down the road from Despairhaus
Brendan
Hitler seems to have died so much closer in history now than he did when I, a child in grade school, was taught about him not 40 years later.
Like the moon landing is further away now than Hitler was when I learned about Hitler.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
If you hit Depressionstein you've gone too far.
FancyShark
Gigglehaut is too far
Brendan
Also I thought the moon landing was a whole eon before I was born and not like...basically an achievement of the modern world.
the 60s/70s divide was really two whole eras.
gellaho
Not even a willkommen
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Then you need to hit the exit on the autobahn to Sadburg
gellaho
Hey, ghostwriter? Gross
FancyShark
I like that a Hardy Boys novel made Brendan realize his own mortality
gellaho
Or that time exists
Brendan
hahaha denied
1000 Space GDCs
Ve vill cut off your hand before you touch ein boob.
gellaho
LIIIIPS
FancyShark
That's German for "Old!" and "Fucko!"
gellaho
Multinational Fugitives is the name of my punk band
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Shit I know that one from Shadowrun: Dragonfall.
gellaho
Two fires in as many days
FancyShark
Good time to remind everyone of this
1000 Space GDCs
'strange words'. They're German, Joe, not elvish.
gellaho
Quartered? Was this book translated from another language?
FancyShark
Could they wight the Wongs they'd found?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Man I wonder what the Chinese couple did that they have the cash to flee China, get to Europe, and go to America but don't want to stick around in China for?
gellaho
I repeat
1000 Space GDCs
They do the drawing on the near side of the building, and the quartering on the far side.
FancyShark
He's gonna get thrown for a loop when he meets Cyrano
Agent of Fortune
Count Nose is my next VtM Ventrue
gellaho
The writing in this book has become very strange
Brendan
I learned today there's a winery called shadow run.
Agent of Fortune
WHITE COLLAR CRIMINAL ALERT
🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨
FancyShark
The author must have sent an unfinished draft and left the rest for the kid in charge of gluing on the pages
1000 Space GDCs
Oh yeah, there's the insurance fraud fix.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
If I worked there I would constantly be pitching a special run of rum, so we would be selling Shadow Rum.
gellaho
He smuggles human beings, Joe. No shit
FancyShark
THE INSURANCE MONEY!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Oh shit Joe, you finally figured it out!
Nice job, he's only been threatening you for almost the whole book!
1000 Space GDCs
Joe is startlingly ignorant about how human traffickers work.
FancyShark
To be fair, the first class airfare and dance club sent some mixed signals
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Joe is a little short on processing power without his robo brother.
gellaho
Frank saves the Turk. And Strutlar fails again
FancyShark
Can you climb, head trauma victim?
Brendan
Frank sends the Turk first in case he falls.
1000 Space GDCs
Joe doesn't realize other people can't shrug off brain damage like him.
gellaho
Karl's here
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Man this Stasi isnt going to make it to Argentina if he keeps fucking around ineptly assassinating teens.
gellaho
Isla Khoo enters assassin mode
Brendan
That's the only reason Germans go to Argentina.
gellaho
I can't wait to find out what this equation is
Brendan
Isla Khoo? I barely KNOW Khoo!
1000 Space GDCs
Luckily Ilsa also had a gun, which was more effective than looks.
Brendan
Or what a phoenix is.
FancyShark
It's a town where racists go to die
gellaho
And she's just there to get information?
1000 Space GDCs
She had to quit her softball team after all the Khoo's on first jokes.
gellaho
In any case, exhale
Brendan
Isla Know's on third.
FancyShark
Liquidate only the most dangerous witnesses. So the others are given a stern talking to
Agent of Fortune
BREMER✊
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Nah the medium dangerous ones are pureed.
And the least dangerous ones chopped.
FancyShark
Damn you, Bremer! And your bank chain!
gellaho
The Stasi confuses the eighteen year old Frank for security
gellaho
gellaho
Sure
FancyShark
Ich bin ein Narc
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Yeah because eighteen year old clean cut lads who look like cops totally provide security for international criminal organizations.
No wonder the Berlin Wall fell.
gellaho
KARATE
gellaho
FancyShark
His face went erect?
Brendan
Frank steeled himself, growing rigid in every muscle. If it came to it, he would bump these uglies.
Agent of Fortune
Fuck you Strudel, eat some KARATE
gellaho
YYYYEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Oh thank god it was gems.
I kind of was afraid it would be gold teeth.
FancyShark
Roundhouse to Stasi chin. That makes up for a lot, author.
gellaho
If I'm being honest, I'm not really sure what is happening right now
FancyShark
Frank is bluffing like a pro
gellaho
Frank has decided to take Stutlar's place for...reasons?
1000 Space GDCs
Stolen valor, though
gellaho
I'm still not entirely sure why Joe got caught up in this
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I'm a bit lost on how this fits into their goals of bringing their fathers killers down.
But whatever.
1000 Space GDCs
I don't think Joe does either at this point
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Frank just kicked a Stasis ass.
gellaho
Frank knows a lot of German
FancyShark
Broke his jaw!
Fuck yes!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Hahahaha he'll be eating his schnitzel thru a straw.
And all he will taste is the freedom on Franks shoe.
FancyShark
This is the kind of sadistic shit that is only a robot could inflict on a Stasi
gellaho
Are 👏 We 👏 Having 👏 Fun 👏 Kids?
FancyShark
I mean, he's a Stasi. So yeah
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Yeah actually this would have been the good part if I was reading it as a kid.
FancyShark
Don't worry, kids. This will be more cathartic when you're older
Brendan
Well how often do Stasi fight someone who can fight back? They're not Spetznatz
gellaho
We all love gang executions, don't we kids?
Brendan
I bet it's five ruddy shitheads with Lugers knocking on your door at midnight.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Again, yeah this would have been pretty fucking cool for me as a kid.
Brendan
Frank was baffled by what the noise could be. It was a gunshot.
gellaho
Take that as a lesson, boys and girls
FancyShark
"What did you read for Scholastic Book Club?"
"..."
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I mean you dont have to be that creative with problem solving when you can dump the problems in the Rhine with a slug in their head.
FancyShark
Sounds like you have babysitting experience
gellaho
"Ach, nein, I just want to sound as deutsch as possible, mein Herr!"
FancyShark
That's right, author. Give in to temptation. Bring in more nazis.
gellaho
All Germans babble, that's where the word comes from
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Frank and Joe hijack a functional Panzer IV and mow down Neo Nazis in Berlin? Please?
FancyShark
Because as any American knows, Europe is France, Spatalian, and Nazis
Agent of Fortune
Yeah I want the st. Petersburg tank scene from Goldeneye
gellaho
This book really overemphasized how much was in Germany on the back
gellaho
Which is to say, almost not at all
Brendan
No sir, that's in the bible.
Sissyneck will back me up.
gellaho
Prove that wrong
Brendan
dinnertime. Good luck in the wilds of Queens, new York, USA
FancyShark
Take care, Brendan!
gellaho
They're about to encounter counterfeiters of rap CDs
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Enjoy your meal!
gellaho
And ninjas with broadswords
That's the deepest Hardy Boys callback there is
That's how smugglers in New York talk
gellaho
All the New Yorkers from Alabama
Brendan
And they never even transferred at Phoenix.
Dinner is delayed by 5
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Hahahah they keep having MAC-10s and its never not funny to me.
gellaho
All these rich characters, like pimple face
1000 Space GDCs
You can basically get in anywhere if you act confidently and carry a clipboard.
And a MAC-10.
gellaho
Frank is definitely skinny, my friend
FancyShark
I'm curious what the author would have done if a third Chinese name was required
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Oh boy are Cheng and Lu and Fuat in for a time in 90s New York.
gellaho
That's how I get in Disney World
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
FAll back on Wang.
Like every good hack writer.
gellaho
Hand beats gun
gellaho
I guess
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I mean yeah. This is why you dont gun like you do knife.
FancyShark
wait, how were you planning to stop it without action?
1000 Space GDCs
I approve of karate beating guns as an ethical statement.
gellaho
GREASY CHARLIE!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
But he can wave that MAC-10 around the room all he wants, he's gonna hit maybe ONE person.
Greasy Charlie is a quality criminal nom de guerre.
1000 Space GDCs
There's got to be a 9 syllable German word for 'spray and pray '.
gellaho
Horny for Gems
FancyShark
Why'd they stop attacking?
1000 Space GDCs
They're easily distracted by shiny objects.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
All criminals are cowardly and superstitious, and love shiny rocks.
Agent of Fortune
Greasy Charlie
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I learned that from Batman.
gellaho
I mean, you are Australian, so criminality is expected
gellaho
JEWELS!
And that's pronounced JEW-ELS
1000 Space GDCs
Wait, he was sentenced to Transportation? How old is he?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Jew El is Superman's other cousin.
FancyShark
The Aussie is Fenton. I'm calling it
gellaho
Ilsa is into Greasy Charlie!
FancyShark
Greasy Charlie pulls, dude
gellaho
You are a wise fish
FancyShark
"Anyways, happy birthday, you two"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
WHO COULD HAVE FORSEEN.....oh yeah FancyShark did.
gellaho
"The other reasons are that I hate my family"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Nice try Ghostwriter, but you are less perceptive than you need to be.
"Yeah actually dad it was pretty fucked up you faked your death."
FancyShark
"Your sorrow empowers me, my children"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"It was vital I let you commit crimes all over Europe and maybe be killed."
gellaho
NOT ETHAN DALY!
gellaho
Who is, uh
Uuuuhhhhhhh
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Because as much as I love you and your Mother........whatshername.........I love justice more."
gellaho
Hmmmmmmmm
FancyShark
"I tried repeatedly to run you over to get your attention. I even threw bombs at you. Seriously, how unperceptive are you?"
gellaho
Ethan Daly is the Assistant Commissioner of....
Uh
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I feel like this should be a bigger moment than it is.
FancyShark
Was Daly the politician that sent them to Africa?
1000 Space GDCs
"mom's already cancelled all your credit cards and had you declared legally dead. I hope you like paperwork."
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
But I flat out do not remember if this guy has been mentioned or not.
FancyShark
If he was, this author owes me and everyone else a fucking refund
gellaho
Shout out to @alfredo disco jakesy (69)
gellaho
Only way I could find this
1000 Space GDCs
He blends in with all the other people annoyed by the Hardys.
FancyShark
Rats. I was close
gellaho
Weep for Greasy Charlie
gellaho
gellaho
Joe would get his actual girlfriend in three books, aka Book #69
FancyShark
She's not evil! That means she's going to die
gellaho
Which is not a joke, but an actual fact
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Man he is real mean to Greasy Charlie.
Agent of Fortune
Oh shit Fenton is alive????????
FancyShark
Greasy Charlie is only called that because he got a Five Guys burger once. He's actually quite tidy
LyraV
Right? It felt so flat.
gellaho
Queens is a hive of sum and villainy. Just ask the king
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I vaguely remember this guy now, and if it hadnt been like three books he would have been the obvious ringleader.
gellaho
BAM! Kevin James joke
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Shit and all this and he could have been Fat Leonard.
FancyShark
Alladyce? I had to follow gellaho's example and check the first book. Alladyce is the one I thought was the big bad
1000 Space GDCs
I only remember alladyce because I made a joke about all of his dice.
Agent of Fortune
ETHAN DALY IS THE SECRET BAD GUY?!?!?!!?
gellaho
Hip, hip, hooray! For our hero, Fuat Dere!
gellaho
Which my phone desperately wanted to be Derek
Agent of Fortune
"Illegals"
Greasy Charlie is Turkish?
Wow
Uh
Hmm
gellaho
Ethan Daly is going to hell tonight
1000 Space GDCs
Wait is red hook in queens? Did the ghost of Lovecraft ghost write this?
FancyShark
Fuat Dere is Turkish. Greasy Charlie is gross.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
KARATE! PUNCH!
Agent of Fortune
KARATE
FancyShark
🥋
Agent of Fortune
PUNCH
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Get Greasy Charlie right in the temple with that ippon ken.
FancyShark
👊
gellaho
These paragraphs need more proper nouns
1000 Space GDCs
Is this paragraph why people are mad about pronouns?
FancyShark
Sam Peterson then orchestrated an international sting operation on a New York cop's budget
Agent of Fortune
Hardy Boys Back 2 the Streets
gellaho
You can punch me in the head anytime, baby
Agent of Fortune
Boo
LyraV
I wish things had been different but you just suck so hard Joe.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"I wish things were different Joe. I wish you werent a weird little guy and your brother didnt have a karate duel with my dad that led to his death, kinda."
FancyShark
"Speaking of thick heads..."
"Yes?"
"...............I thought you would know what I was saying"
Agent of Fortune
I just thought of a really awful joke I'm not gonna make
gellaho
"Especially if you forgot all about me by the next book. That would not surprise me at all"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"But we are from different worlds, I'm hot and rich and European. My destiny is to be hot and rich and fuck handsome men, and yours is hamburgers."
gellaho
I wouldn't
Agent of Fortune
I've seen this Cynthia Rothrock movie
FancyShark
Bye, Irene!
gellaho
Joe's got daughters of animators to date
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
And she was never seen or heard from again.
alfredo disco jakesy (69)
My appreciation from the skies, bummer I can't see how it ends live
gellaho
Who's clones will then explode in boat bombs
alfredo disco jakesy (69)
Ethan Daly: SET
gellaho
Speaking of ghosts
gellaho
The End
But wait!
LyraV
We should have maybe called her sooner? Nah whatever.
gellaho
What are these last pages devoted to?
gellaho
Glad you asked
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
SUSPENSE!
1000 Space GDCs
Ads?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Thirty pages of Frank describing his favorite sandwiches.
FancyShark
Nancy Drew manga?
gellaho
It's a preview of The Hardy Boys/Tom Swift crossover
FancyShark
WHAAAAAAT
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Sick.
gellaho
If you are unfamiliar with Tom Swift, that's where TASER comes from
Agent of Fortune
WHOA
LyraV
I instantly heard Rancid in my head.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
ULTRA THRILLER!
gellaho
The reboot looks like this
1000 Space GDCs
Oh shit, he's got an electric rifle.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
FUCK YES
LyraV
Robot Gloves!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Cyborg kickboxer!
Agent of Fortune
CYBORG
KICKBOXER
wait isn't that just Seanbaby
1000 Space GDCs
Wait, we could have been reading cyborg kickboxer books this whole time?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
He's fucking RAX from Eternal Champions!
gellaho
The crossover looks like this
Agent of Fortune
Oh I get it
gellaho
Also this
gellaho
So look forward to that
Agent of Fortune
Time bomb because there's time travel
FancyShark
FUCKING AWESOME
Agent of Fortune
And probably a bomb?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Fuck yeah maybe some cyborg vs dinosaur kickboxing?!
Agent of Fortune
I like how Frank is like "I'm gonna hit this robot with a pipe"
LyraV
Glowing Golden Statue AND Lasers!
FancyShark
Hell to the fucking yeah
gellaho
In any event, we have defeated The Hardy Boys Casefiles ™️ #66: Operation: Phoenix #3: The Phoenix Equation
FancyShark
VICTORY!
gellaho
Pretty sure that's an alien babe
Still don't know what the equation was
LyraV
Even better.
Agent of Fortune
The equation was YOU
gellaho
Or really the operation, besides "smuggling," which we knew in the first book
1000 Space GDCs
Despite her surface temperature being 2000 kelvin, Joe is still trying to hit on her.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
FH + JH = INTRIGUE!
gellaho
That concludes the 74th Edition of The Book Cage
FancyShark
Thank you, @gellaho !
Brendan
I'm BA--d'oh
FancyShark
Great work, everyone!
Brendan
Strong Hank game from that cover model.
1000 Space GDCs
I feel like we were really firing on all cylinders here, I'm really proud of what we've accomplished.
FancyShark
Brendan, you need to see what was at the end of the book
1000 Space GDCs
No kerchief though. Or are we thinking of different Hanks?
LyraV
This is one my favorite things about this discord, thank you @gellaho I don't know where you collected all this beautiful madness but I appreciate that you share it.
Brendan
Such women do generally get a bye summer where they partake of himbos though.
LyraV
I didn't mean that in response to that but it works.
Brendan
How did Fenton survive?
FancyShark
By not dying
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
With guile!
And by lying to his family.
Brendan
B MINOR GO
LyraV
In a really flat dull fashion.
gellaho
Before the explosion happened, he jumped out a window and swam to safety
I did skip that, but I figured you'd know that intrinsically
FancyShark
Ah, the old serial survival trick of bullshit editing
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I figured it wasnt exciting or batshit enough to mention.
