FancyShark
I can't wait to see which lady gets tricked into signing something to make this legal
74: The Hardy Boys Casefiles #66: The Phoenix Equation Franklin W. Dixon
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The more vicious the lie... the more explosive the truth!
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Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
This is a great way to get repeat business as a guy who arranges illegal travel.
Brendan
Joe swallows 47 condoms full of heroin just to find out where the...I dunno, volvo steering wheel chop shop is, I came in late here.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I know I'm not comfortable unless my travel arrangements include a threatened shooting.
1000 Space GDCs
It's a great way to ride the bus for free.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Makes me feel at home.
gellaho
Frank can't feel anything without silicon chips
FancyShark
Frank hasn't felt guilt about anything before. Why start now?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Frank is considering going back and slitting Lea's throat to tie up loose ends.
1000 Space GDCs
Mr. Ducats sounds like a parody of a wrestler.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Or just a wrestler.
Like........I mean it aint that far from T-Money.
And we all love T-Money.
1000 Space GDCs
He's one of those heels that wears a top hat and brags about how rich he is.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Deffo has a dracula cape.
gellaho
"It's weird that every single person that goes into that travel agency mysteriously disappears, right? Should we investigate?"
"Nah"
Brendan
I owned a 240DL and I can tell you Frank is going to be freezing his lingonberries off for about 11 minutes before the BEST HEATING CORE EVER kicks in.
gellaho
Joe says no to racism
gellaho
Forget what happened twenty pages ago
That was an illusion
FancyShark
Joe can say it because he has white friends
gellaho
The names just keep coming
FancyShark
His real name is Stan Dobson, but he knows gaijin are stupid
1000 Space GDCs
That's rich from someone who pegged the brown guy at the airport as a terrorist.
gellaho
Hey
It was a travel agency
It's a very good question, Joe. Why is any of this in this book
FancyShark
The Fuat Dere got terrible mileage
do it
Do it, writer!
DO IT!
BRING IN THE NAZIS, I DARE YOU!
PULL THE TRIGGER!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Either that or he's former Stasi
Oh god I want that soooooo much, for Joe and Frank to karate the shit out of an ex Stasi guy.
gellaho
See New Casefiles #4: The Lazarus Plot, with the Nazi clone doctor
Brendan
It's the UN of racists!
so like...the UN
gellaho
And now, the previous book's nerd provides tracking equipment for Frank
Brendan
Germany is full of Turks. Their turkish dining is A+. Fuck you, Joe.
FancyShark
Linska gives Frank the "I've seen things you wouldn't believe" speech to Frank and reality collapses
gellaho
Linska is now Frank's Q for... reasons
FancyShark
"Do try to bring it all back in one piece, Double O Dipshit"
gellaho
Then Frank almost gets shot over a ham sandwich
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
All this is 90s tech so it all weighs like two hundred pounds and makes a noise like a jet engine.
FancyShark
Dying for a sandwich would be the perfect way for a Hardy to go
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Frank cant go anywhere without being shot at. See: Asshole on porcelain.
gellaho
"I'm so tired, I only ate fifteen hotdogs today"
FancyShark
That's why you don't tip in Europe
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Man they take change seriously in Sweden.
gellaho
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
FancyShark
Oh FUCK
It's on now
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Some Swede: "Hey, free sandwich!"
FancyShark
Frank's fist bursts through his skull.
"IT'S MINE!"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Just need to pick this bullet out."
gellaho
Meanwhile: Joe gets his fake ID
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
TO be fair tho we know for sure Frank went back for that sandwich.
FancyShark
Joe immediately grows a mustache as he assumes that name
Because there's no way a Ron Grady doesn't have a mustache
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Joe immediately starts doing the worst most Lucky Charms ass accent he can manage.
And will not stop.
gellaho
This seems like a very elaborate way to get to America
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"They take smuggling people real serious in Denmark. They shoot first and ask questions almost never."
FancyShark
"What if I'm a man with nothing left to lose after seeing his girlfriend explode and feeling all love die?"
"Maybe still listen to advice."
gellaho
Frank follows to the airport where he's attacked by some hair gel
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Aye, faith and begorrah, me chum. I, Ron Grady will surely do as ye ask."
Man Frank is having a real rough time, first an attempted shooting and now a knife attack.
FancyShark
Frank vs Cloud Strife
gellaho
Aaaaand... erase all tension
gellaho
Needless to say, this assassin also just gets away
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Of course.
FancyShark
If only there were people that could be notified of these shenanigans
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I feel like ONE of these criminals should have at least wounded Frank or Joe at some point.
gellaho
Master of deduction
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
To be fair they are on the lam from the Rikkies.
Not like you can call the cops when you are also running from said cops to avoid deportation.
FancyShark
That's true
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Frank is really getting the hang of this Continental lifestyle he's living.
FancyShark
I hope the other side of that door is a closet full of stuff belonging to Bjuden
gellaho
"I bet you don't like losing the money you spent on those knives"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"You shithead, you know how many kronor a good knife costs?"
gellaho
He's more knife than man
FancyShark
Time to orkaborkbork the trash
gellaho
Another knife cut down in its prime
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Gooooood stop trying to fucking House of Flying Daggers Frank Motherfucking Hardy, you goob.
FancyShark
By the time this is over, they're both going to be wading through dropped knives
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
A throwing knife isnt even a good weapon. Just stop.
gellaho
Might as well end this knife fight as cartoonishly as possible
gellaho
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
You'll barely injure him, and a wounded Frank Hardy is at his most dangerous.
FancyShark
That duct leads to an incinerator
Brendan
My plan as well.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I would have thought it was a hotdog factory.
gellaho
Acoustical modem hookup
FancyShark
It will be, after everyone inquires about the delicious aroma
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Frank is doing some phone phreaking.
FancyShark
oh shit, we're going full War Games tech?!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
He chirps three times like a bird and calls the Pentagon.
Brendan
If you have perfect pitch you get free transatlantic calls!
gellaho
Got a lot of money in those money belts
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Frank dials the wrong number tho.
FancyShark
Fucking space age
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Fancy Frank Flies First class.
1000 Space GDCs
I just walked to the bar. What did I miss?
FancyShark
"Oh crap, that guy's on the plane. I hope he doesn't see me."
gellaho
Joe is clearly very nervous about being human cargo with his naps
FancyShark
Frank almost got stabbed at the airport
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Buffet!
FancyShark
Joe is assigned to be Irish
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Staying in character, Joe rushes to the buffet and starts grabbing baked potatoes.
gellaho
Alright, ghostwriter, put the boner away
FancyShark
And bowls of Lucky Charms
Ghostwriter's been reading some Simon Hawke
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Jesus Joe how horny do you have to be to know someone is a lady just by bumping them?
gellaho
Joe has a very weird erection right now
FancyShark
Punch
1000 Space GDCs
Joe resists the urge to smell her hair some more.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Oh thank fuck, you weren't killed by your evil dads criminal syndicate!"
FancyShark
Wait, gold skin? Is she using a mod?
1000 Space GDCs
She collected all the chaos emeralds.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I reckon her skin tone is the ghost writer waxing poetical.
gellaho
Ilsa and Joe start throwing foreign words at each other
FancyShark
Writer's waxing something alright
WORD FIGHT!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Yeah because people refer to their own names as "Fine old (insert country) name."
FancyShark
It's how I answer the phone
Really cuts down on telemarketers
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
SWEDEN VS DENMARK!
gellaho
The spookiest fish of all
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
SMORGASBATTLE XXIV!
"Here try the Death Fish."
"Its............pretty good."
1000 Space GDCs
You'd think there'd be more overlap between swedish and dutch when it comes to words for plates of various foods.
gellaho
MUST CONSUME
FancyShark
"I tell ya, you wanna talk salmon from the grave, you should try my wife's cooking!"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
TWO kinds of ham.
Fancy.
1000 Space GDCs
Gravlax is the kimchi of the ocean
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Cmon you detailed every other bit, what two kinds of ham?
gellaho
Her lips did what now
FancyShark
Of course there's two kinds. Ham and Canadian Bacon, the Cursed Ham
1000 Space GDCs
I Can't Believe It's Not Ham
FancyShark
Her lips glitched. What's so hard to understand?
gellaho
The boys meet in the bathroom to talk about ass
FancyShark
It should make sense to talk about butt in the bathroom, but it's still a faux pas
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Oh that super hot rich girl who was, against all odds, somehow interested in you?"
"Didn't she like die or something?"
gellaho
I do not understand this human smuggling operation
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"It was last week, so I dont really remember."
FancyShark
"Different super hot rich girl"
Sven then opened fire, killing them all
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I'm not sure why all the threats and intimidation directed at people who are PAYING to be taken to the US or wherever.
gellaho
"Make sure you pay for the suites with the balconies for our cargo"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I think Mr. Ducat is sinister.
1000 Space GDCs
A dance club with bare brick walls is going to have the worst acoustics.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Joe you stupid bastard.
LyraV
Pushed over the railing instead of choked, mixing it up.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Only inbred 15th century royalty gets defenestrated, and for just this reason.
gellaho
You're right, they are really mistreating these people
FancyShark
They also feed them non-organic produce
gellaho
JOE WILL LIVE
1000 Space GDCs
"that's like 90% of the girls I meet"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Okay give Joe credit he turned in midair like a fucking cat.
1000 Space GDCs
"Same response."
gellaho
Hey, ghostwriter, cut it out
FancyShark
At some point, the Hardys need to invest in parachutes
Brendan
Ilsa Khoo is Joe's Whatever Lauren Cohan Played on Supernatural Catwoman
gellaho
Joe's out for some German revenge
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"I'm gonna short sheet that racist dickheads bed."
FancyShark
Time for a little Oktoberfisticuffs
gellaho
We call this the "Jurassic Park"
gellaho
1000 Space GDCs
Was that the Halle Berry one?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
You didnt read shit, Joe. You saw Jurassic Park like the rest of us.
Don't lie.
Brendan
FancyShark
There's someone watching Joe through a camera getting annoyed at the random idiot messing up their escape room
gellaho
Winner winner, chicken dinner
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
WHOOOOOOOOO!
Nailed it!
Brendan
Stasi are micro-Nazis.
COMMUNIST NAZIS
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Red fash.
1000 Space GDCs
I feel like they're using vaguely orientalist language to describe her, though.
FancyShark
Do not question the presence of Lauren Cohan
LyraV
Dreams do come true! Hardy/Stasi crossover dreams.
FancyShark
I love you, @1000 Space GDCs , but I will fight you on this
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
The fun part is that nobody who read this at time of publication knew what a Stasi was and the whole East Germany thing had to be explained.
Brendan
We were clueless, because nothing escaped East Germany!
gellaho
Or because this was aimed at, you know, children
FancyShark
hmmm
nah
gellaho
Despite all evidence to the contrary
1000 Space GDCs
Not the worst acronym involving two S's to find on a German medal, though.
Brendan
Yeah, fuck them Super Soldiers
gellaho
No, not Sven!
FancyShark
Sven, you dirty slut
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
She gettin Svenned.
Watch Sven is her half brother or something.
FancyShark
I hope Sven thinks a hug is sex and Ilsa doesn't have the heart to correct him
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Joe is just radically misunderstanding the situation.
gellaho
The only German SS man I want to hear about is Rudy Breck
Shout out to Psychodrome
Joe Hardy takes things pretty hard
FancyShark
Joe was hoping to watch
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Or........maybe......Joe, she's putting on an act for the guy who may be holding her hostage?
Or any number of things that dont revolve around YOU?
FancyShark
Actually, him immediately assuming the worst about a woman is classic Joe
gellaho
Presented without context
FancyShark
Joe pissing on Frank was bound to happen eventually
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Mid air pisscrobatics.
Classy.
gellaho
A teen at an amusement park? Kill him!
1000 Space GDCs
At least frank was awake for it this time.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Frank you fucking goober.
You tail people like a grandma.
At least wear a hat.
gellaho
Sven chooses the most flamboyant method of assassination
gellaho
1000 Space GDCs
You know if someone gave him that advice joe would buy a super conspicuous fedora.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Sven..........you are killing a man, what the fuck.
FancyShark
It's nice to see the "goon disguised as statue" move get set up ahead of time for once
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
You dont need to improvise so much you take your shirt off, Ilsa isnt watching.
Sven is a weird dude.
gellaho
"Do you think it's weird that we lose several dozen people in the haunted house attraction each month?"
Brendan
this is a squandered cliffhanger.
gellaho
Haunted house connected to the sewer, sure
FancyShark
We're going full Resident Evil
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
See if I was going to kill someone I'd do it in a sewer.
And not in public wearing a leather vest and using an axe.
gellaho
Frank killed thirty performers at Halloween Horror Nights
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-YAH!"
1000 Space GDCs
Sven is played by Dolph Lundgren, right?
FancyShark
Without question
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I dunno I think thats too upmarket for the Hardys, maybe like a third tier Dolphalike.
gellaho
That corpse looks great among the other corpses
FancyShark
Reb Brown as Dolph Lundgren
Frank then cuts off his head to increase the verisimilitude
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Lorenzo Lamas in a blonde Party City wig at worst.
gellaho
Frank goes to the dock to see a fat boat
FancyShark
Hey, don't boat shame, Frank
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Man all this sneaking thru sewers is kind of pointless.
gellaho
They don't have Kindergarten Cop 2 money
Frank rents a boat from a horny Dane
gellaho
LyraV
How could you lie about how much you loved my boat?!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Four.......hundred dollars?
FancyShark
Can we have a story about the man loving his boat more than his girlfriend? Or is that Captain Ron?
1000 Space GDCs
That guy can't wait to rob Frank and dump his body in the fjord.
gellaho
Frank had about $10,000 in that money belt
considering they're on their third country and he just bought first class tickets
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I think that girl just hates that boat cos its shitty, if he's willing to let it go for four hundred bucks.
Frank aint bringing it back.
FancyShark
He's saving to splurge in Bosnia
gellaho
Meanwhile: Joe really thinks he's really got something with this Strudel insult
Brendan
Strudel rules, though.
LyraV
Eventually someone will laugh.
gellaho
Going crazy in Herzegovina
FancyShark
"Bitte, my father was Strudel. Call me Waffle."
LyraV
That's perfect.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Joe is really egging this probable professional murderer on in a way I kind of find appealing.
gellaho
"Why is this operation so elaborate? How much money did these poor Chinese farmers have?"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"These Chinese folks gave us an hundred kronor!"
FancyShark
We're a long way from the vow of vengeance Joe made back in African Country
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"That's like a million yuan!"
gellaho
Damn you, alphabetic rings!
Brendan
Fenton Hardy is going to retire after one last amazing prank.
FancyShark
If this isn't Fenton's greatest prank, he's a failure
Brendan
why does the ring font change
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
God they are really fucking reaching with putting Joe in danger, huh?
FancyShark
Typewriter jammed
gellaho
All Germans know each other
Agent of Fortune
Is Fenton still "dead"?
Brendan
Joe emerged, clutching black sturgeon roe. "Good news! we're rich!"
gellaho
I'm best friends with Johannes Gutenberg
FancyShark
Officially, yes. But they suspect he's alive.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
You'd think a former Stasi would be able to murder ONE American teen.
FancyShark
Never send a Stasi to kill an immortal
Agent of Fortune
That's shockingly astute of them
Brendan
You didn't count on ONE thing, Fritz! Americans LOVE freedom! So much they'd DIE for it!
gellaho
Tourist Fart
gellaho
Good to know "tourist" is basically the same in all languages
1000 Space GDCs
Strular is having fun fucking with Joe.
Agent of Fortune
Haha Strudel
FancyShark
@LyraV called it. Someone eventually laughed!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
hehehe, tourist farts.
Brendan
Yet fart is not. Quell disappointment
gellaho
Good to see Bus is a proper noun though
Agent of Fortune
That means "Who get the bus"
FancyShark
"Oh golly, yah," the man responded.
Agent of Fortune
Should I be listening to Kraftwerk