🚨 Hardy Boys Casefiles ™️ Poll Time 🚨
Vehicles: a great method of transportation. But hidden within is possible danger! Vote for your favorite vehicular adventure for the Book Cage by using the matching reaction.
🏎️ #91 - Hot Wheels
🏔️ #97 - Pure Evil
🏍️ #104 - Wild Wheels
oof
this is the hardest one yet
I went hot wheels entirely on the premise of solar car
Fun Fact: all three summaries involve grenades
wait....... BROCKWAY?!?!
hmm
Solar car, certain death via snowmobile, or falling into dirt?
Wait. Joe is clearly about to crash the solar car into a garage. Choice made
No follow up questions
oh my god I owned that solar car as an actual hotwheels car
are you telling me it was a promotional tie-in?
Maybe the book was a tie-in for the Hot Wheels car, let's not jump to conclusions.
The Ghost of bing-bong yet to come
this one has cumberbatch's cheekbones
Which one has the sticky shadow?
Might want to avoid that one
tucker carlson's catholic school yearbook photo
The Book Cage Episode 61 The Hardy Boys Casefiles ™️ #91: Hot Wheels
The people have spoken and the resounding winner is a race to danger! Fire, electricity and high-tech terrorism. I wonder if the solar powered terrorist gets picked on by all the real terrorists? Here's a fun activity, count how many ways the back cover says how hot it is. I expect all your answers by this Friday, 5pm eastern, as we compete in the greenest race in history.
@Brockway in order to dodge an incoming stun grenade, pin this
I'll pin it, but I don't accept the other part of this deal
I hate Trevor Hardy so much.
Not even the first Hulk cult in comics.
A little under an hour until The Hardy Boys Casefiles ™️ #91: Hot Wheels. Here is the preview
No one told Joe he's on a train
No one tells Joe much. Can you blame them?
Time to begin the process. Engage The Book Cage Episode #61
📯
My body is ready.
Time to melt some brains
Joe tried the orange pills , didn't he?
Joe is trying out that thinking thing everyone keeps talking about but his heat sinks cant keep up.
Nice, just as I was leaving work. By which I mean shifting my chair to look at a different monitor and cracking open a beer.
Yeah, you'd want some high school students in there
Which Callie are we on at this point?
I'm sure the boys have plenty of engineering knowledge to bring to the table
Mk XVIII?
Callie's imagination does not extend to the concept of a battery
Well, Frank is mostly AI, so there's gotta be something in there
Callie is in the pocket of big oil
Callie's next idea: Pedal
Callie is designing a car but doesnt know that even gas cars have batteries.
'murica.
What was that about the electric cord then, Callie?
"Tee hee, I did a car!"
"Silence, not-male! We've almost deciphered this message!"
"E? What does 'E' mean?"
"The name 'Suntex' is pretty misleading, huh? Anyway..."
"Suntex Corp, where, as you know, we make baby oil."
"We briefly used blood, but we try not to remember that summer"
"And Semtex."
Hippie hecklers are the worst
Oh that Charles Manson!
You cant hug the Hardy Boys with nuclear arms.
Or something.
The name rules are so inconsistent. Air Force Academy, MIT, Dumpster: A-OK. Mitsubishi? You better make up something
Team Legally Distinct From Japanese Car Manufacturer, headed by.....Bizarro Jimmy Onishi.
Guess we know which institution the writer prefers
Check off the redhead box
A Viking no less.
4 pages in, is that a record?
Its rude of him to be quaffing mead at a public event in front of kids.
Hey its a dude this time, yuuuus.
One for the Hardy Ladies.
You tell him he can't do it and that axe goes through your skull
*Finger guns.
Hope you've memorized all these names
whoa whoa, slow down there, Dixon. You can't expect me to remember a mustache
"Please, call me Elton. Mr. Ecology is my father."
Ba-dum tish.
Oh, also German McGermany
Something something fine German engineering.
One hundred thousaND YEAR EMPIRE!
He's here to teach us what's Secretly Incredibly Fascinating about this competition
What could possibly go wrong with these experimental cars designed by students?
"And no cheating and sneaking some extra sunlight in boxes with you"
No prize will be given to next of kin of liquified college students.
the prize will go to whichever car doesn't get flattened by a semi
Thank god he explained that the car with the best scores will win
Oi! @Gentleman Brendan ! Hardy Time!
"Be on the lookout, one of the hippies might drug you and cause a freak-out"
Pranks: The Silent Killer
Joe and Frank are going to put laxatives in someones coffee.
MORE NAMES! MORE!
I can't wait for the air force to prank the japanese automotive corporation. Hijinks ensue!
MADDOX! BADUMP BADUMP!
MORE NAMES! MORE REDHEADS!
DOUBLE REDHEAD BOOK!
There will be a test at the end of this book
the redhead is also a green-eyed babe. This is more familiar territory
Her name is also Green.
Glad to see misogynist Joe back. It's been a long time
Have they explained why they want the hardys there? are they just hired muscle?
Callie doesn't know anyone else
Sharon is high strung apparently.
oh yeah, this callie is fresh out of the vat
"Sharon, you wanted to win by hopscotch. It's just not practical"
I'm sure the automobile companies will pay millions for these designs, sure.
The axles are made of only the strongest balsa wood
I think most of her extended family or friends have either been robbed blind or murdered by this point
"Natural causes"
"When we said "Solar powered cars" we meant "Soapbox derby racer".
She's got a lot of uncles that they've visited over the years
One of the cars is just a wagon with a dog tied to it.
Its not even a big dog, but it has a mirror on its back.
That's precisely how you flirt with computer dealers, Teresa.
You should know that
Oh, Teresa is so innocent.
Teresa, if you have tits and you talk to a nerd in the 90s, you just told them you're available
"Field testing your programs" is well known 90s nerd for "Fuck like nasty pigs"
Frank likes 'em thicc
That's Frank's way of calling Callie "dead weight"
"I like em big and bouncy." - Frank.
This is among the weirder ways to discover a fire
"My anaconda don't want none unless they got buns, hon" - Frank
Possibly started by all the light refracting surfaces that are apparently dotting the El Paso wastelands.
Fires: Well known for suddenly flashing into existence
My moneys on the redhead setting the fire. I know my people.
Getting to the industrial sabotage very quickly!
Time to lookup who Mack is
"And by breathing it in, we're all going to die three years earlier"
Goddammit, who's keeping track of the diagram that will tell us who this Mack person is?
Well, finally
That takes too much work
"Hey, aren't you the children of a guy I met once?"
"Aren't you one of those kids that is involved in like every single important thing that happens?"
Somebody recognizes the teens who have foiled several international terrorist plots, saved Hollywood productions, and helped the most famous musicians
Universities are fighting over who gets to examine joe's brain when he dies
I'm calling it now because I want it to happen: They run out of fuel and regain their power through the radiance of Chet
"It's survived so many concussive strikes! Is it a liquid? Is it pebbles?"
Okay how good of an investigator could their dad be if he needs Joe and Frank along to do stuff? Or even allows them near things? Or out of the house?
I think that guy is just being kind.
MUST CONSUME
"SUB......food.....bread.......SUBMARINE SANDWICH! Brilliant thinking Joe!" Said Frank.
"Dur?" replied Joe.
"Yes! Dessert too!"
German suitcases are something else
Gutentag, Gunter Hoffer
Pretty soon the doctor starts telling Frank about how his skull is especially Aryan looking.
the german car is very elaborate papercraft
Fancy boy snacking
frank has fish ova ear to ear
Ohhhhhhh I see why they came. For the buffet.
Mmmm, nothing like caviar that's been sitting in a desert tent
oh wait, motel. Dammit
"Hmmmmm, Joe, you simply muuuuuuust try the pate."
Joe's battle with the chicken ended in defeat
If you consult this elaborate chart, you'll realize who that is.
How many more times are they going to mention Scott is in a wheelchair? Enter your guess now!
Don't get too close, Scott. Your legs don't move and Joe may mistake that to mean they're edible
at least 3
A mysterious figure emerges from their motel room. How will this be resolved?
Tackle!
Headbutt!
Explosion!
"Well we were going to do anal........oh you are talking about something else."
Callie getting cock blocked by villainy again too.
Callie is left to kiss herself goodnight again, much to her relief
Shes nearly too fresh from the vats to know what kissing is. Nearly.
If you guessed pointless room key confusion, congratulations on your psychic gift
"And so I tackled her and started stomping."
That wasn't embarrassment. Women naturally flee from Joe
"Look dont make a big international incident out of it."
"Now help me pick the braces out of my shoe"
'Nobody peeps at a Hardy boy twice!"
The no disqualification corporate solar race
They didn't even blink when he slashed another racer's tires and throat
I'm beginning to think these races are less about proving scientific achievement and are more of a Death Race 2000 situation.
I refuse to believe a Hardy Boys book will get that awesome
Ohhhhhh so this is why we don't have solar power.
Joe is very invested
Although there was the fart cannon and the ninjas with broadswords...
And the exploding computers
Frank is blabbering all this while Callie keeps trying to angle for that good night kiss.
He falls asleep and she just stands there all night waiting.
A whole twelve volts? Calm down, Thor
Callie's going to explode from sexual frustration and give Joe PTSD flashbacks
I think I had a boombox that took more batteries than that
Fucking Elon Musk's dumb ass is in the backround furiously taking notes.
Huh I was kidding about the soap box derby racer thing.
MIT stole their name from a porn site
"WELCOME TO THE MIT NEXXXUS! WHERE WE GO FOR SEXXXUS!"
Joe's just looking at ants
Everything looks like ants to Joe.
I think Joe is confusing insects and plants again.
I don't know if this "sail" is going to help you get to interstate speeds, my friends
First bug that hits it takes it out of the race
"Unfortunately it was dead calm and would be for the next week, barring any of El Pasos famous sandstorms."
Goddamned hippies
"Crystal power you dipshit."
The car explodes
Seriously anytime you have a question like "How do you detect bad vibes?" for a hippy, the answer is crystals.
And I get it, shiny rocks are cool.
Meaning meth
it's a good thing joe doesn't speak latin
Author has clearly never asked someone about their crystals because they will tell you if you ask.
Not exclusively, some are just real into quartz.
"This one is amethyst and it symbolizes inner peace and mlerh mlerh....."
That seems like something you could cram in a couple of suitcases, sure
Schmidt has made a fatal error in that Texas is not a 100% flat surface, so better hope he never has to offroad.
Dr. Schmidt is that asshole passenger that insists his luggage is carry-on and refuses to get it checked, then holds up everyone while he tries to get it in the overhead bin
Very weird, ghostwriter
Joe being entirely appropriate about a girl, for once.
"I'm calling you a pedophile, Joe. It's an insult. Brother humans insult each other to hide affection."
renata was still in front of them for that exchange, and is now deeply worried
Really putting no effort into that name
Still better than "Frying Dragon"
"Ugh, Japanese name...eh, I'll just use the first idea I have"
Oh, the seventh of the pornographic cars
Toxic fumes because they are using a 100% green reclaimed WW2 Submarine battery.
The air force gets no nickname because I couldn't think of anything
those batteries put more lead in the atmosphere than leaded gasoline
"The Nexxxus Mks 1-6 removed the dicks when people tried to sexxxus."
The Air Force Academy's...Car!
To be fair, its the AIR Force Academy, they barely understand wheels.
the air force is going to pull a prank where they mount a GAU-8 on their car
Somehow it ends with Goose dying again
How very ecological to have three times as many vehicles following the solar cars
It costs 35 million dollars and can shoot down anything Ivan can field..........so we use it to bomb goat herders.
This isn't Death Race. This is Fury Road
Gatorade would not sign off on this
"It's like Monster, but 20 years early and causes 10% more kidney stones."
This is after the volleyball player died at the sport drink tournament. The Hardys are blacklisted
The nerds at MIT heard that Frank had a girlfriend
"We shall dissect you, Automaton!"
God maybe theyll just hit him with the door as they go by.
Such a fun prank
Or they skid to a stop and mock Frank for being a dork.
"Frank immediately fell in love with this hunk"
And exploded?
Their eyes meet and Frank hears "Dream Weaver".
Wait is this a goddam anime meet-cute?!
IT FUCKING IS!
The nerds at MIT finally got to talk to a girl, and this happens. What a shame
Just think about baseball, Jeff
"Looking at his damaged creation with horror, never crossing his mind he nearly ran over a guy."
Peels a child out of the grill. "Oh no! The chrome!"
"I know it's those lumberjacks in the air force!"
To be fair that is entirely in line with what I think of MIT students.
Lol no, the Air Force job is if you get blown up by a Hellfire RX-9 knife missile.
What are the stakes for this race?
"Oops"
Science bragging rights and the admiration of the sexy.
"Our sky goddess demands pranks"
"Like when they blow up a school in the Middle East"
"Look, we are the AIR FORCE! We don't do land stuff, except for shirtless volleyball!"
Sharon is just plowing through these teams
awwww, yeeeeaaaahhh
oh, wait
She might just be killing them
"That hussy!"
"Wizard" with "electronics"
Frank immediately...does not have sex with Callie
Frank's love affair did not last
Frank sobbing into his pillow, choking out the lyrics to Dream Weaver while Callie just stares.
"He told me he never saved anyone before"
"His jacket was so cool! And he had those cool sunglasses!"
Suntex immediately loses billions in the stock market
Callie's trying to figure out how to turn the situation sexy but can't get Dream Weaver out of her head
This Callie will be humming it as she goes into the reclamation vat.
barrington uses the second shot to kneecap another team's driver
as a prank
Joe is unfamiliar with these colorful drinks
"Yes our race is prone to sabotage and that holds back the progress, but its not like we make the rules or anything. Its a free country!"
"It is!"
<dies>
Oh, no! The Gatorade!
bill is knocking back vodka and curacaos
"Legally distinct.....beverage......poisoned! Not.....much......time........."
I guess this Little Willy will go home. In a body bag.
"Tell Mrs Little.........I love her big......."
Oh no, sparks
Let's see: helmet, headset
Joe eats part of Bills now fried ear.
Well, I guess that makes sense for Joe
Just picks a little of the crispy bit off.
There's not enough room for a helmet anyway
Helmets are a well known safety hazard and Hardy Boys have double skulls.