FancyShark
Frank then shrugged and ordered more food
70: The Hardy Boys Casefiles #64: Endangered Species Franklin W. Dixon
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When danger is uncaged, the only law is the law of survival.
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Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
"TELL MY IDIOT SONS I WENT TO LUNCH AND WONT BE BACK UNTIL NEXT WEEK!" Frank usually hears in the background.
gellaho
"That fucking sexy-ass ostrich leg"
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Fenton?
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
His cover, which might be blown by, say...........his sons calling him?
And asking for him by name?
Also BABOON FLU!
FancyShark
"Anyone want a diseased baboon? I have a crippled ostrich if you prefer"
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
BABFLUUN!
GET THOSE HARDY BOYS DISEASED WITH APE INFLUENZA!
gellaho
If the kids weren't caught up in the animal violence, we'll be sure to get them with government red tape!
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Hmm, I bet that's not gonna come back to bite her
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
You.......Doc Bo........YOU SHOULD BE QUITE FAMILIAR WITH THIS!
FancyShark
I dunno, lady. You're the one that's been dealing with this for years.
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Like the paperwork is where your whole deal lives and dies and YOU CANT BE ASSED?!
No wonder you are broke af.
gellaho
What a seemless plan
FancyShark
If she looked at the top of the forms, she'd see the Hormel logo
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
OH NO
gellaho
Look, she's drunk off her ass on wine
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
It came back IMMEDIATELY
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
"OH GOD MY WINE SODDEN ASS!" She yelled as Karma spun around again.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
This whole thing could have been avoided if the doctor could be bothered to read.
FancyShark
Or even check her damn signature
Sometimes you have to press hard to get the writing to go through
gellaho
Rafiki can be trusted because she's into Frank
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Her doctorate is on a post it note
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Elephants keep secrets well regardless, but you dont wanna cross them.
As they never forget blackmail material.
FancyShark
"So, Frank, you uncover that smuggling ring I gestured you towards?" Rafiki asked in her native language
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
What if the elephant is the secret bad guy
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Elephants will walk five hundred miles or more to blackmail someone.
FancyShark
That would rule
gellaho
We don't normally let her enjoy luxuries like peanuts
gellaho
After all, the phrase "selling for peanuts" means an exorbitant sum
FancyShark
"She's never socialized with other elephants or learned to fend for herself. It should be hilarious."
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
"I'm pretty sure Rafiki thinks she is a really big rhinocerous too."
gellaho
Hey, ghostwriter, please stop
FancyShark
"She tore a child in half this morning. We think she's excited."
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
"Hey, you remember when she picked up that one kid from Brooklyn and threw him like a hundred feet into the crocodile enclosure? Boy were we surprised."
FancyShark
"She trampled the lady that came to give her fresh water yesterday. She must've been very thirsty!"
gellaho
Beasts of all ages
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
That birthmark isn't gonna come into play again probably
FancyShark
A-ages?
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Rosalyn is spectacularly unobservant to what's happening in her compound.
FancyShark
Rosalyn's ancestral name is Magoo
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
She's deeply self absorbed
gellaho
She may be trying to kill herself
FancyShark
"Why is she telling the elephant to kill?"
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Rosalyn Bodine, elephant whisperer
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Hahaha I've watched videos of people releasing elephants into a herd and you dont stand between the herd and the new arrival, Doctor Bodine is asking for a trampling.
gellaho
She pushed the elephant forward?
FancyShark
Dr. Bodine is secretly the Hulk
gellaho
STAMPEDE
FancyShark
Oh no, how will they ever get out of this
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Well that is one way to murder some people.
FancyShark
Worked for Scar
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
My bet is they escape via elephant ride.
gellaho
Random phone screen today oddly appropriate
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Not gonna lie tho if the Hardy Boys go on a Farcry 4 elephant rampage that would be fucking sweet.
gellaho
You'll occasionally get some good writing out of these
FancyShark
Dang, that IS good
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Suddenly the Hardys are rescued by poachers who gun down the elephants in their path
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
When did they go to a metal show
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Well played, ghost writer.
FancyShark
"We've been trying to warn people about how dangerous these animals are!"
gellaho
Bringing up the intensity for the kiddos
FancyShark
That's right, kids. Dumbo lied to you
gellaho
Whew, that was close. Almost impossibly so
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Must go faster. Must go faster.
FancyShark
SHUT UP SHUT UP
gellaho
Rad
FancyShark
How dare this book get good
gellaho, did you switch books on us?
gellaho
I WILL LIVE FOREVER
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Yeah this is a solid action scene
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Has Dr. Bodine ever been happy?
FancyShark
Once, when she had wine
gellaho
Colorful
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Get blasted on Kenyan box wine before they explain themselves, Doc.
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Billowing
gellaho
How do the branches help exactly?
gellaho
Hold on, let me get some kindling to stop this fire
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
LET'S GO SAVE SOME MOTHER FATHER ANIMALS
FancyShark
I assume the branches smack the fire and give it ouchies until it moves where they want
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
YIPPE KI YAY MISTER FALCON!
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Venture Brothers was barely an exaggeration, huh
gellaho
That thick fucking hose
FancyShark
Thicc and smoldering
gellaho
WE SHALL FILL OUR STOMACHS WITH HUMAN SUSTINANCE
FancyShark
Nothing like the smell of meat cooking
Sorry, Rosalyn
And the slower animals
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
I mean once they are dead the only ethical choice is to eat every bit of them.
gellaho
Sammy is the cutest li'l Kenyan
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
God you could make a HUGE sausage from elephants.............
FancyShark
Sammy lives in a thimble
gellaho
YOU WANNA LIVE FOREVER, SAMMY!?
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
"Tee hee hee, Sammy I bee, now answer me these riddles three!"
FancyShark
I don't know if it's the way gellaho is selling it or the writing itself, but the Hardys fucking rule this time
gellaho
How many letters do you think they got for this book?
gellaho
This is a bold way to start a three part arc of a children's series
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
This ghostwriter realized the Hardys work when the adults rightfully think they are spoiled idiots.
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
"We brought this from America!" - Pulls tarp off a .50 cal bolted to the back of the jeep.
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Oh no
gellaho
Spoke too soon
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Aw now Im sad.
FancyShark
The fact that Joe, Immortal Engine of Headbutts and Herald of Explosions, is getting angry is way more rad with this writer
gellaho
Holy shit
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
AND NOW FRANK KNOWS THE BLOOD HUNGER!
gellaho
Frank will never love again
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
LET LOOSE THE HOUNDS OF VENGEANCE!
FancyShark
With Frank, it's a cold, calculated rage. They were screwed when Joe was angry. Now they're fucked
gellaho
J/k, Frank cannot understand hu-man emotions
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
This is the darkest Hardy boys book we've done yet, including the one where Joe's girlfriend explodes.
FancyShark
dammit, Frank
gellaho
It's fucking wild
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
I REMEMBER THE ONE WHERE JOE'S GIRLFRIEND EXPLODES
that messed me up as a kid
FancyShark
And including the "make Frank think his girlfriend got cut in half by a medieval trap"
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Frank dips his fingers in rafiki's blood and smears it on his cheeks.
gellaho
Frank's computer brain cannot understand
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Okay I dont believe Frank could have a girlfriend who isnt an elephant.
FancyShark
Callie is going to be heartbroken when she hears about Frank's "girlfriend in Kenya"
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
And then confused when it isnt the girl named Keesha.
gellaho
We haven't actually done Casefiles #1, but we have done #4 where she's cloned. But that clone survives
FancyShark
oh shit, what if Callie put out the hit on Rafiki?
gellaho
And #80 where she's cloned again, but as a spooky ghost
Shits wild
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
How many of these have you done?
FancyShark
This is our 70th one
or something
gellaho
However many this is https://gellaho.com/book_series/4-the-hardy-boys-casefiles
FancyShark
sorry, this is the 70th book cage reading, not Hardy book
LyraV
Awesome.
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
I didn't think this would dredge up so many buried childhood memories
LyraV
Happy 70th!
gellaho
"She has completely lost the ability to understand humans anymore"
FancyShark
Brendan better get back here soon. He's not going to believe us when we tell him what he missed
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
I genuinely could not believe they blew up Joe's girlfriend
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
I'm so glad I get to come to these as an adult, as a kid I would have read a couple pages and not appreciated them at all.
gellaho
Awesome memories I assume
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
So much trauma
gellaho
How dare you write Joe to figure this out
FancyShark
Who could have predicted the man would use Swahili when he's a native speaker of Swahili?!
gellaho
"But that doesn't mean anything"
gellaho
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
In the country where the main language seems to be Swahili? Nonsense.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Who would have thought they wouldn't speak American in Africa?
gellaho
I'm pretty sure Chris Lincoln was not a native speaker
FancyShark
hahahaha, the whole code was a setup to another burn on the Masai
gellaho
U.S. Customs Agent Lincoln
FancyShark
oh,
my bad
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Soon those poachers will speak fluent "Getting their asses whooped by American teens"
FancyShark
Joe and Frank are gonna teach them American for "fucking you up"
gellaho
Frank didn't even study Swahili, the fuck is happening
FancyShark
It's eating more hamburgers
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
"YOU BASTARDS KILLED MY GIRLFRIEND!" "Wait....we did what? Who?"
FancyShark
Joe's brain is like a network file share. Frank just downloads any new info routinely
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Joe's fluency in Swahili is determined by what the plot requires at this moment.
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Ghost writer forgot who was good at Swahili
gellaho
Chris was posing as a photographer, why'd he have a video camera?
gellaho
I know what video cameras were like in 1994
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Bigger than the bus
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Lincoln used a cipher so simple two partially educated teens figured it out in a spare minute between elephant massacres.
No wonder he's probably dead.
FancyShark
I guess if you had a video camera in that time, you didn't need a blunt instrument for self defense
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
I thought the whole reason they were in Africa is because they knew Lincoln got caught taking pictures of poachers.
This isn't a revelation
FancyShark
lol, they just discovered they caught up to the starting point
gellaho
Now the writer's doing it. Just say village
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Lincoln discovered poachers poaching. We know this
Gentleman Brendan
I'm back! Shark me
FancyShark
@Gentleman Brendan , your timing is impeccable
You missed a legit awesome scene
gellaho
Kids are going to love this
FancyShark
First, Rosalyn is not paying attention to how the smugglers are getting her signature on transferring illegal animals via carbon paper
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
You basically left to use the bathroom during this book's equivalent of the Raiders truck chase
FancyShark
Then they let Rafiki loose to be with other elephants
Then a fucking stampede happened and there was actual tension
gellaho
Is this what Hardy Boys books are like in the UK?
gellaho
Just bloody as fuck
Gentleman Brendan
Quick, man! Forego the bafflechanter and tell me if apes have fought laser rifles! Hump yourself!
FancyShark
FUCK!
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Damn
FancyShark
The friendly elephant got murdered by bullets, along with the other elephants!
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
This book goes hard
gellaho
It's the Swedes! I knew it!
Gentleman Brendan
I'm honestly glad I missed that.
gellaho
There's a reason Swedish Fish are red
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
RED WITH THE BLOOD OF THE INNOCENT!
FancyShark
Now Joe and Frank deciphered the code book and realized the thing they already knew that the guy that disappeared was taking pictures!
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
It was like the last scene of The Cove
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Okay between the snake thing and identifying people by what they smoke, this ghost writer read a bunch of Sherlock Holmes before writing this.
gellaho
Kids survived 63 previous Hardy Boys Casefiles, get that blood in there
FancyShark
This book is so much darker than the other Hardy books we've read
Joe...dammit...
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Scuzzballs
gellaho
I will remind everyone that Casefile #72 primarily involves counterfeit CDs
LyraV
Lots of blood and earlier the almost hanging.
gellaho
That's eight books after this
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Joe originally said "Motherfuckers" but the editor thought it was too much.
Gentleman Brendan
The book's law of only one human murdered per 2 books does not apply to animals
FancyShark
Joe's original dialogue made Tarantino say "Jesus, tone it down"
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Let's follow elephant chainsaws with scuzzballs
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
The ghost writer REALLY REALLY held out for the swearing, saying it was "Tonally appropriate."
gellaho
They've been drugged again
FancyShark
It was just water. Screwed up Frank's circuitry
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
They're gonna develop a tranq addiction
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
It's funny, if they had just been killed by a burst of rifle fire, nobody would ever know they were there.
It's not like they left a note.
Gentleman Brendan
how many racial slurs is that?
gellaho
Maybe tone the imagery down, ghostwriter
gellaho
Also, why did someone steal Frank's shirt?
FancyShark
If they were blocked out, the whole page would be blank
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Ebay
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Proof of life for the ransom video.
Gentleman Brendan
He woke up in that vision from Black Panther, and learned Fenton killed his real father
gellaho
Fucking eagle scouts
Gentleman Brendan
I'm gonna hazard a guess Steven Grant wrote this one.
FancyShark
Frank's bashful about his GPS
gellaho
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Frank, everyone hates you and you disappear on the regular and dont come back, why would anyone look for you NOW?
Gentleman Brendan
I have that shirt.
gellaho
gellaho
That is a forty year old man
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
That's a face that belongs on a magazine cover fighting turtles.
FancyShark
The more of these covers I see, the more I'm convinced my step-dad was the prototype for every 90's step-dad
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
gellaho
Wocka Wocka
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
They just left them on the plains, then, huh? I mean.........way to be economical with your ammo, poachers but still............
JUST MACHINE GUN THE HARDY BOYS!
gellaho
Hey, kids! Imagine the burning and blistering bodies of Frank and Joe!
Gentleman Brendan
they could have just taken shelter and traveled by night
gellaho
Come on!
Do it!
FancyShark
"Save your bullets. The meerkats will eat well tonight."
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Oh god it actually did mention the "harsh African sun" beating on their "fair skin"
FancyShark
So of course you can see why their dad wanted them to help with this
gellaho
I'm sure their New England bodies are well developed for it
FancyShark
Rude
gellaho
Gentleman Brendan
Jackals don't kill all Frank?
oh
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Frank......
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
You are definitely antelope sized, Frank.
gellaho
Did Lincoln's mom write that?
gellaho
Also, imagine Lincoln's boney remains, kids!
FancyShark
They broke up with him on top of killing him?
gellaho
DO IT
gellaho
Does Lincoln count as a grass or ground-dwelling bird?
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Yes.
FancyShark
At this point? Ground dwelling
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Corpses automatically count as birds.
gellaho
He can bury himself, the lazy piece of shit
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
You can sacrifice one to get three 1/1 Jackal tokens.
FancyShark
Sure. Leave him for the desert janitor
gellaho
It'll be well hidden behind all those non-leaves
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Lincoln is mostly jackal shit now anyway.
Gentleman Brendan
Birds have hollow bones. Bones have hollow bodies. It tracks.
FancyShark
Joe felt the burden of his whiteness
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
They've gone a whole morning without consuming. They are close to death.
FancyShark
His "white man's burden", if you will
From the sun
gellaho
WAKE BROTHER, DO NOT LAZY AROUND
gellaho
As someone who tans easily, I will never understand the plight of the SPF-dependent
FancyShark
Please be the same bush they left the backpack
gellaho
True story: I've been stopped multiple times by older hispanic men who believed I was a distant nephew of theirs
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
"TREES! BUSHES! JOE! THEY ARE ALL OUT TO GET ME! AIEEEEEEEEE!" Yelled Frank after he picked up that odd toad.
gellaho
Very bizarre
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Also I disagree with their assertion that their situation isn't funny.
gellaho
Joe wished for death
