Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I mean I would immediately forget my dead dad as well if a sexy, athletic, rich woman seemed like she thought I was cute.
72: The Hardy Boys Casefiles #65: No Mercy Franklin W. Dixon
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One wrong turn on the road to revenge can take you over the edge!
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FancyShark
Oh yeah, same. My dad would understand
gellaho
Frank almost shoots Mike
FancyShark
The gun starts whispering to him
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Frank, you better not mention that gun to ANYONE because I'm pretty sure you are committing like four different crimes having that gun in your pocket.
gellaho
Pumping something, I'm sure
1000 Space GDCs
Frank is bold to assume Joe is that subtle.
FancyShark
Rage is clouding his judgement
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Well actually I was going to insert my penis into her orifices and rub it in and out to the point of issue, but I guess information is also something I could get."
gellaho
Sex on the Norrmalm
FancyShark
Then the car explodes
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Lol what did Joe say to make her this interested?
FancyShark
"Free passport"
1000 Space GDCs
Hijinks ensue when they realize they've actually gone to Abnorrmalm.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
This is easily the least believable part of this story about teen detetives getting vengeance for their exploded dad.
gellaho
Round 2
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Joe is such a nerd most of the time I cannot believe for a second he has game this good.
FancyShark
The magic will end when Joe starts explaining how stupid women are
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
He must have said "I have cocaine. Would you like to do some cocaine with me?"
Models love cocaine.
gellaho
Oh, it's so good to have the instantly resolved cliffhangers
1000 Space GDCs
Someone tries to run down the Hardys about 50% of the time they step onto the street.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
And generally they love cordial offers to do frienship cocaine .
FancyShark
The Hardy Boys are the reason for every video on how to safely cross a street
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
This is what you get when you contract non-union assassins.
Brendan
My dad would haunt me if I didn't.
gellaho
Joe's boner will let him believe anything
Brendan
Hahaha, this isn't even 50 pages later.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I would also be stunned that anyone would want to whack a nerd like Joe.
FancyShark
I want this to end up being Ilsa trying to kill them just because Joe is a dweeb
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
So her story checks out.
FancyShark
That car is just circling the block
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Look, for an hour he showed me his stamp collection, I thought that was an American euphemism for sex."
"He would NOT SHUT UP about Sacajawea quarters."
gellaho
You aren't the two teens that blew up our operation in Kenya, right?
gellaho
It's not like we have people here trying to kill you
If we did, they would have told us
Otherwise that would be ridiculous
FancyShark
"We only ship dull birds. It's policy."
"If a crayfish isn't seated in at least Comfort+, we bail on the whole flight"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
It would also be great if they DO only ship animals above board but ARE trying to kill Frank and Joe because Ilsa's dad doesn't want her to fuck Joe.
gellaho
Hmm, that's not the phrase
FancyShark
BURRRRRN
gellaho
"Frank was feeling like a fifty-seventh wheel"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Frank can't count, which is strange for a robut.
FancyShark
He's never heard of the numbers 3 or 4
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I expected him to not understand idioms and such tho.
So that scans.
gellaho
Weird, but OK
gellaho
Ilsa runs through the ship/hostel and instantly disappears
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
There's only one reason your rich sexy date takes you to a youth hostel in Stockholm. To score weed.
Brendan
I dunno man...her dad blew up my dad but she's 19 with the body of a Nordic skier, and everything she does is automatically a Swedish-Thai stereotype because there's no one else like her. I think I'll date her for the summer and just see if her father's still part of an international crime syndicate hellbent on killing me.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Even then.........yeah give her a chance.
1000 Space GDCs
It's gonna tear Joe apart when he realizes Ilsa ordered the hit on his dad.
gellaho
Really getting beaten in this one
gellaho
Time for a swim
FancyShark
Yep. Youth hostel. Not a human trafficking ship
Brendan
This is where Ilsa loses Joe. If you want to be his lover, you've got to get with his friends.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
He'll have forgotten about it by the next set of books.
These assassins are getting more and more inept.
1000 Space GDCs
I mean he just took another hit, and lost the spring of 1988.
FancyShark
Ilsa's going to get car bombed, or "Joe'd"
gellaho
That was close?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Cmon. People survive falling in water all the time.
FancyShark
Still more capable than The Assassins terrorist group
Joe's familiar is talking to him again
Brendan
Strong hands grasped him from behind?? Joe, you fool, this isn't Sweden, it's Switzerland! You've fallen prey to French and Italian letches!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Letches with the best bread and pasta in town.
FancyShark
Joe is sold into sex slavery as "unkillable dumbass American bottom"
Brendan
Some would consider that a blessing.
gellaho
Meanwhile, Frank has gone to meet with Agent Fairchild
Brendan
Is she a redhead?
gellaho
He is a bald guy, so maybe
Frank realizes that Phoenix Enterprises might be involved!
gellaho
Which they already knew!
gellaho
And is the only reason they're in Sweden!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Did the ghost writer not read or write the previous book?!
FancyShark
Either the Hardys are forgetting basic shit or the writer is
1000 Space GDCs
The ghost writer of this chapter didn't read the previous ghostwriter's chapters.
gellaho
Don't forget that!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
The previous ghost writer set himself on fire in protest that he couldnt include Chet.
Yeah Joe, its pretty hard to believe she likes you and not you know..........is setting you up to be murdered.
Since every time you are around her you get another murder attempt.
gellaho
Joe speak Swedish now too?
1000 Space GDCs
Joe, have you ever met a girl who wasn't involved in a crime?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
INVOLVED? No.
Committing? Yeah a couple.
gellaho
gellaho
I wonder how long it's going to take to put that together
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
🤔
FancyShark
They realize they have to track down Orson Welles
gellaho
Book nerds, I knew they'd be involved
FancyShark
John Grisham is playing hardball this time
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Frank and Joe and Orson team up to take on The Grandmaster Lotus in a duel to the death.
gellaho
MIIIIKKKE! NOOOOOO
FancyShark
NOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
HAAH! MIKE GOT PUTINED!
Taste polonium and rue, Mike.
FancyShark
The car then tucks the shiv into a pocket and drives off
gellaho
"... In my... Lucky Charms... there's a... hidden prize"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"It's........a......decoder.........ring...........drink.............Ovaltine.........."
gellaho
"Hey, get that dead body outta here!"
1000 Space GDCs
This driver is going to write an angry post on Nextdoor about teens hauling corpses in the street
gellaho
Frank is well-versed in the Art of the Ninja
FancyShark
"Kids today don't even bother getting wheelbarrows for their corpses"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Goddam Americans blocking traffic with corpses."
Brendan
A 20-yo man thinking with his dick against all signs this woman who should not be attracted to him is plotting his death so soon after his father passes away is the most realistic thing this book series has ever done.
LyraV
Back in my day we murdered people in alleyways and that was that see?
FancyShark
Trained terrorists or one incredibly inept concierge?
gellaho
Good odds
Brendan
Police are looking for a Saab with a tattoo of a teardrop.
gellaho
17 year old child, but yes
FancyShark
"In fact," <gunshot> "there. No more guessing."
Brendan
Oh yeah, standard assassin. "To whom it may concern" poison dagger.
Brendan
He's EMOTIONALLY 20 because rage ages you.
FancyShark
"This time it wasn't a bomb"
gellaho
"Our dad went out like a pussy!"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Shit, Joe, you know being blowed up isnt at all like being pizened right?
gellaho
"What kind of a loser dies to an explosion, huh? I've exploded 54 times!"
1000 Space GDCs
Frank has seen Surviving Edged Weapons.
FancyShark
"Exploding is a woman's death"
Brendan
Dad fought that explosion by clenching his muscles SO TIGHT.
Why didn't he just make a Superman pose and dive so the explosion blew him clear?
gellaho
Excuse me, Swede, an American is present
1000 Space GDCs
Thank goodness Swedish cops are so easy to bribe.
gellaho
"Mom can suck it"
gellaho
"But I'm still not going to call her"
Brendan
Probably just distracted them by throwing a live chicken into the interrogation room.
FancyShark
Women don't understand processing grief via anger. Thanks, Joe!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Joe is just upset he didnt have a chance to have his father/son death duel as is tradition.
1000 Space GDCs
The female mind does not understand vengeance, thought Joe.
Brendan
We should have @VikingHotDog here to tell us how much of this book is just copied from an outdated tourist guide.
gellaho
No joke, they see two men in leather jackets and it's defcon 1
Brendan
Hahaha, scooped me to the last word.
Well done.
gellaho
Out the window! The leathermen are approaching
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
wouldnt be the first time an American has felt threatened by the unsmiling denizens of a foreign clime.
Probably just Swedish Fonz tho.
gellaho
They did hear a gun cocking noise outside their door, but this is funnier
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Probably just a faulty light switch.
FancyShark
Does Frank still have the gun?
gellaho
The word of the day is filigree
Brendan
There are no rules this time, Joe. Let's run as fast as we can from the best lead into our dad's death. Jump a building if we have to.
gellaho
I'm guessing he accidentally returned it with the tux rental
FancyShark
Jackie Chan jump! Jackie Chan jump!
gellaho
Shit, they jumped all the way out of the atmosphere
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
That loud shattering noise is just Sweden's famous aggressive room service.
Frank and Joe riding a dirtbike over the rooftops of Stockholm.
Hurling pipe bombs.
gellaho
Action!
gellaho
Exclamation points!
Shingles!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Some Swedish housewife is killed by one of those stray bullets.
FancyShark
And the cycle of vengeance begins anew
Brendan
Luckily these assholes could miss a stationary target at 15 feet
gellaho
Just four people shimmying down a drain pipe
gellaho
Time to steal a boat
1000 Space GDCs
They famously make strong drainpipes in Sweden
Well, it's not a fanboat or a jetski, but it'll do in a pinch.
gellaho
Very comical
FancyShark
Suddenly it's the really problematic chase from Live and Let Die
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Aw hell yeah it got all Miami Vice!
gellaho
Might as well throw that money in the ocean, Frank
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Frank and Joe hurling dynamite from the back of a speedboat!
moonfish817
Famous last words, "hey guys, how can the enemy beat us, they don't have this ONE specific thing"
Enter that one specific thing.
gellaho
Joe's erection insists on a vast government conspiracy
gellaho
The daughter of the guy who probably blew our dad up couldn't be involved
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I mean Jellicoe also worked for the US government so its not that far fetched.
gellaho
It's more farfetched than the evil company being respoonsible
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
🤔 I mean it could be the CIA, you can't prove its not the CIA.
gellaho
I mean, this ghostwriter clearly doesn't understand what customs agents do
He seems to think they are involved in espionage
And have jurisdiction in Swedish policing?
1000 Space GDCs
Those friendly Swedish cops let them run a black site in the precinct basement
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I was also thinking he was confusing Customs with like Interpol or something.
Brendan
This is turning into the best season of South Park.
gellaho
"We can't sleep where we both almost died. We'll sleep where only I almost died"
gellaho
"Broken locks, threatening notes. You know, a party!"
gellaho
That's how we party in Sweden, anyway
1000 Space GDCs
I mean they heard gunshots from the American's room, they just assumed that's how Americans party.
gellaho
Also: here's a message for you
gellaho
Prejudice really is everywhere, isn't it?
gellaho
Frank has returned to the cooling touch of gunsteel
FancyShark
"To hell with that congressman. Time for titties."
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Frank immediately shoots his own ankle because unbeknownst to him its a Ceska.
gellaho
Very unobservant hospital staff
FancyShark
Nice try, baddies. You can't fool Joe about lunch. It's clearly dinner time.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Duh cos its clearly an attempt to finish him off.
gellaho
Marvel reference. Hmmmmmmm
gellaho
I don't want to say Peter David is responsible. But I do
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I mean you dont KNOW he's a terrorist.
gellaho
Phoenix only employs the best assassins
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
He could just be trying to kill you.
FancyShark
I will have such mixed feelings if Peter David wrote this
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
BOOOOO defenestration?! LAZY!
FancyShark
Even sadder, they're on the ground floor
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
INCONVENIENT!
1\5 stars, would not use this assassin again.
gellaho
Really slapstick murder
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
*Benny Hill theme, distantly
gellaho
Everytime they say "stomach," it means balls
gellaho
It's happened like five times
Brendan
Steven Grant
FancyShark
That's why they eat so much. Because their "stomachs" hurt
Brendan
Well now we know these are Russian assassins
gellaho
Weird, poisoning is usually exacerbated by hijinks
moonfish817
Wait, so was that assassin pushing him by his shoulders out while the boys grabbed the legs, like a forbidden Ying Yang symbol?
gellaho
As we all know, agents of the US government have no power over teens
gellaho
Especially teens involved in multiple international crimes
FancyShark
Damn kids and their international agendas!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Fairchild just didnt wanna pay to black bag them out of Europe.
Since the Berlin Wall came down that shit got expensive.
gellaho
It's been 80 pages, better get back to this
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Yeah I keep a fully operational ICBM in the lobby, actually. For inspiration."
FancyShark
"I've got a prototype."
"Oh?"
"In my pa-"
"I'm not Ilsa."
gellaho
That's not really how AI works, but OK
LyraV
In the prototype weapon closet, obviously.
gellaho
The idea of AI is that it learns, you can't just stick it on a CD and go "done"
FancyShark
This must be how computers learn to explode
1000 Space GDCs
Linska later sold his guidance software to Tesla.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Also you dont really need that shit in a guidance system? Its not hard, we had decent missile guidance since forever.
gellaho
Wrong on a couple of points
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
This is AFTER they invented the Sidewinder and Ivan learned you can't dodge freedom unless you are under the horizon.
FancyShark
The guidance system is a string tied to the nose of the missile and the other end tied to the target
gellaho
Frank really wanted to hear more of this villain nerd speech
gellaho
That is maybe the most harsh I've seen these books be
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Frank loves talking to the movie villain.
1000 Space GDCs
"War. War never changes. Bork bork bork."
FancyShark
This writer is going to some darker places than the others. Even the ones that cut Cassie in half and blew up Iola
gellaho
I remember when we conquered Iceland
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I have no doubt we have a military base there.
1000 Space GDCs
A large birdlike creature, possibly a bird.
FancyShark
They were all in their natural jacuzzis. They never stood a chance.
gellaho
NERD RAGE
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
How the fuck are you gonna ship them if they can be damaged by standing too close?
FancyShark
LINSKA SMASH
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Linska might be too stupid for this weapons manufacturing gig.
FancyShark
Fuckin' nitroglycerin missiles. They were so affordable!
1000 Space GDCs
They can be damaged specifically by Joe Hardy standing too close.
gellaho
Aha hahaha
gellaho
YES
YEEEEESSSSSSSS
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Russia and China deploy their Joe Hardy clone armies.
FancyShark
FINALLY
1000 Space GDCs
Linksa got so pissed off at Joe he shot a missile at him.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Hahahah suck Hellfire, Joe.
1000 Space GDCs
Hard to blame him, really.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Enjoy the Afghan Special Express to Hell.
gellaho
Boooo
gellaho
Boooooooooooo
I know Joe can survive explosions
FancyShark
:BB: :OOO: :OO:
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Joe........you are such an asshole.
gellaho
Just have the fucker explode
Brendan
They get clemency because their dad died under the triple payout of highly traumatic death
Juho
Okay so all we're missing is tax fraud red herring and that's bingo?
gellaho
Glad that crisis lasted all of one page
Brendan
I have $20 down this is one of Steven Grant's.
FancyShark
Joe's rage made the car blow up?
Brendan
Would you even get in a vehicle in Bayport?
gellaho
No me gusta "big brother"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
These two dipshits need to start avoiding cars that aren't armored to hell.
Brendan
The metal plate in Joe's head throws off the magnetism of the radar.
Juho
I'd definitely check to make sure it was never owned, rented or occupied by a Hardy.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Also I got his wallet, lets order takeout on his credit card!"
"DEAD MANS PIZZA! WOOOOOOOO!"
moonfish817
"hey I almost died, but my credit score is gonna get FUCKED with this car, we need a story"
gellaho
Sick, WordPerfect
FancyShark
All pre-owned Hardy cars are in the scrapyard
Or the lower stratosphere
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Too early to make a Clippy joke too.
Juho
...what rental agency still rents to these guys?
gellaho
Looks like we got his workout routines
FancyShark
Someone with loads of insurance fraud
The first paragraph says "this is the right file"
gellaho
i don't think you need a word processor to make text files, boys
Juho
Time to get swole!
1000 Space GDCs
ARMNOTES.TXT is just his inconspicuous name for his slashfiction.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
It's Mike's workout routine.