Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Puts the earlier negging in a whole different light now, huh?
76: Case 41 Something to Hide Carolyn Keene
Tags:
A rash of crimes erupt when Nancy investigates a new beauty cream
Archive
FancyShark
Nah, not really
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
lol
gellaho
Nancy's indisputable evidence seems to be that his family uses arsenic as a pesticide
FancyShark
"Your love is the real poison, Bess"
gellaho
It's confused me every time I start reading one of these
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Bess is just so thirsty for the D shes willing to overlook Brads obvious poisoningness.
1000 Space GDCs
They're the only farm that uses pesticide, apparently.
gellaho
If you say so
FancyShark
They poisoned all the others
gellaho
Bess seems to be the only thing Brad wants
Badgerman
He wanted to discredit Justin so he. Poisoned like 12 people and put them on death's door
FancyShark
Kinda seems like he could have done more to implicate Justin than poisoning face cream
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
That and maybe some college credits.
Badgerman
Buddy, I think there might have been another way to play this
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I mean his dad puts arsenic on peoples food, clearly Brad is a little dumb.
gellaho
Bess's position is usually being horny for one of the suspects
FancyShark
She did have a promising magic career in the last one
gellaho
He wrote in brown ink, what more do you want?
gellaho
Comedy, and that was the first one
Badgerman
Always great when your friend group comes with a designated victim
gellaho
It was comedy club, plane bomb, and the 100th one you missed
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Poor girl, she just wants some D.
gellaho
But sucked
FancyShark
Dangit
But also, yay! Sort of?
gellaho
Bess is easily swayed
Badgerman
Wait, plane bomb?
FancyShark
Different book but there were bombs going off in airplanes at one airport
LyraV
I'm sure he wasn't lying to YOU just everyone else.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Nancy has a hell of a way to comfort her friend.
"You can totally get railed after he goes to jail. Its called "conjugal visits."
FancyShark
"Maybe the murderous asshole likes you?"
Badgerman
gellaho
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Shit those tops are pink as FUCK
FancyShark
Gellaho certainly didn't arrange them that way for any reason
gellaho
Yeah, that's the first thing I notice
Badgerman
Oh no no no no no
LyraV
Never forget
Badgerman
I looked in the background
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Nancy Drew did 9\11 confirmed.
gellaho
Nancy really giving Bess no breaks
FancyShark
Specifically, that scene from Marathon Man
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Okay Bess, make sure you dont give away the fact you know he poisoned you while you make out."
"It's easy, its just like how I fake like I enjoy kissing Ned."
Badgerman
Make sure you put on your rubber lips so you're immune to his charms
FancyShark
"Wha?"
"Shut up, Ned"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
And his poison chapstick.
Agent of Fortune
Don't trust Bees
gellaho
Nancy recognizes the cold, dead, serial killer stare. But decides to go with it
1000 Space GDCs
Isn't this bit from Mission: Impossible?
FancyShark
Ned knew immediately what to do. He went to the car and drove home.
Agent of Fortune
Ned will not catch the signal
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Nancy jesus. I mean he's probably guilty but maybe its not healthy to immediately start imagining he's a cold eyed killer?
gellaho
Accidentally skipped Brad's costume
FancyShark
Nancy's met Joe and Frank. She should know what actual dead eyes look like.
gellaho
Which makes this misleading as fuck
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Brad is too ashamed to admit he's Sean Connery from Name of the Rose.
FancyShark
Brad, you carry a scythe or executioner's axe when you wear that getup or you go right to hell
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
People kept asking him "And not Christian Slater?!"
Badgerman
He was gonna be one of the Humanoids from The Black Hole but he forgot the mask
gellaho
Nancy is such a wordsmith
FancyShark
Checkmate, asshole
Badgerman
So the murderer has you alone and you immediately accused him
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Um......Nancy that's now how this works. YOU are the one who needs evidence.
1000 Space GDCs
that's not how evidence works, you should know that by now.
Badgerman
What is it you do around here, exactly, Nancy?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
And yeah I'd be pretty angry too if some weird girl accused me of poisoning people and I'd also be trying not to yell at her.
gellaho
My expectations would be ridiculous car chase, but I know better
gellaho
There's no Hardy van in sight
FancyShark
L.A. Noire tactic: if they're guilty, they always counter with "You've got no proof"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Usually after they screw up their face like a monkey does when it lies.
gellaho
He would stop.
But he didn't.
gellaho
How do you not keep up with him in your Mustang, Nancy
Badgerman
This writer really just has the one trick, huh
FancyShark
"BAM! WEREN'T EXPECTING THAT TWIST, WERE YOU, READERS?!"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Why........would he not just skip town?!
FancyShark
He won't leave without his pumpkin wife
gellaho
Alright then
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Brad played by: Michael Swaim.
Badgerman
"She jumped in her muscle car and brought it roaring to life, being sure to stay well below the speed limit at all times and always following the direction of the traffic light"
1000 Space GDCs
They had the opportunity for Nancy to get into a car chase in her mustang right now, but they just went right to the destination
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
She had time to HEAR A PUNCH COMING and didnt duck.
FancyShark
This would have been much easier if Nancy had burned the building down when Brad ran in
gellaho
Brad has gone full supervillian
gellaho
But I'd love to know what the fuck hit her
FancyShark
"Is it poison? Because if it's poison, you've done that already."
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Jesus Brad you went from zero to crazy real quick.
Badgerman
Whoa whoa, "famous girl detective"? What's with the qualifier there, pal?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Like dude, its America and nobody died. You'd get a slap on the wrist and a job at that marketing firm for your moxie.
gellaho
Weird
gellaho
maaaaaaaaaaaannnnn
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I mean you live in a country where someone once successfully argued they couldnt afford NOT to put formaldehyde in milk and poison children.
gellaho
maaaaaaaaaaaannnnn
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Just saying, you are gonna murder someone for a real bad reason.
FancyShark
Slowly, methodically, he begins to pour water on her that was meant for dehydrated pumpkins
Badgerman
That fiend
gellaho
Brad needs to look up accident in the dictionary
FancyShark
Then he tosses her in the pumpkin patch and lets hunger do the rest of the work
1000 Space GDCs
"Your dad used that line already"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
So you're.........going to poison her? What? You fuckin ninny.
Agent of Fortune
This is a lame Halloween book
Badgerman
One of them accidental bondage poisonings
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Knock her ass out and put her behind the wheel of her Mustang and roll it into a ravine, you weiner.
gellaho
"And the best is a base-level marketing job at a make up company! EVERYONE KNOWS THAT"
gellaho
Nancy is a great detective
FancyShark
This is any marketing major, really
Badgerman
A book about the spookiest scare of all; mediocre white male ambition
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Yeah securing entry level positions early is key to climbing the corporate ladder, NANCY! We can't all be fake detectives."
Badgerman
So at what point does this murder setup start to look like an accident
gellaho
Brad is very stupid
gellaho
"If I poison her, she won't tell anyone about how I poison people!"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Jamie Dimon made his first million by the time he was 21, I HAVE TO GET AHEAD NANCY!"
FancyShark
"I mailed you poison that was only dangerous if ingested. WHY WEREN'T YOU AFRAID?!"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Dude just bash her skull in with a rake and claim you thought she was a burglar.
Nancy Drew breaks into all kinds of places, its well known.
LyraV
Yeah but then we might miss all this daring villian banter.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
This is the Midwest, I guarantee you theres some kind of castle doctrine law.
gellaho
No idea what actions this ghostwriter is attempting to describe
Badgerman
I think he tried and it didn't take. Her skull is just too dense
FancyShark
Oh, he's dead
1000 Space GDCs
This is like that bit from Sin City with bruce willis and the yellow guy
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Shit, Nancy used the Dim Mak.
Badgerman
Good old Captain Kirk double overhand. Nothing beats that
LyraV
Nothing for the whole book then she bashes in some dudes larynx.
gellaho
Here comes Ned, the errand boy
FancyShark
Ends the same way, too. With the same level of junk ripping
Badgerman
Better tie up Brad's corpse so it looks like an accident
1000 Space GDCs
Ned wonders why someone whose brain is all over the floor needs to be tied up, but knows better than to ask questions.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Ned you missed watching your girlfriend throat punch a motherfucker, you wonderbread dipshit.
gellaho
Just some rock solid evidence from Justin
1000 Space GDCs
Killing that man made Nancy feel things you could never possibly make her feel, Ned.
Badgerman
Hey, that's cool, why'd you flip out and smack the cosmetics out of Bess's hand in chapter 1
gellaho
Oh, fuck you, ghostwriter. Eat a dick
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Oh you think you might have like.......MENTIONED that before hand, Justin? You ass.
FancyShark
Guess that manuscript deadline came earlier than expected
gellaho
Everyone clapped
1000 Space GDCs
"Oh the files? Our HR guy is super disorganized"
Badgerman
Yayyy I guess
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Yayyyyyyyyy..........wait why are we cheering? Marcia was a bitch."
LyraV
Boooo fuck you Marcia
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Also didnt she hide the fact Brad was poisoning people? I think she should be going to jail too?"
LyraV
I mean..I'm glad she's not in a coma. I guess.
gellaho
Sure, wait, what?
FancyShark
So glad the Chief has to make all the calls himself
gellaho
So Heather was short-circuiting due to...encouragement?
Badgerman
lolwut
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Jesus Justin has a really violent way of encouraging people.
FancyShark
Back up. What did Heather say that day?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
He really is a perfect candidate for being a marketer.
Badgerman
"I'll tell everyone what you did" was part of it iirc
Which. Uh. I don't think that got covered in this explanation
gellaho
Wakka wakka
gellaho
gellaho
The End
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Ned...........I hope you get car bombed.
FancyShark
Suddenly, a marketing sniper fires a bullet through Ned's spine
Agent of Fortune
Was toxic masculinity the real villain of the story?
Badgerman
Strangely enough, no
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
That or capitalism?
gellaho
The next case... The same thing?
FancyShark
I think pumpkins were the real villain?
LyraV
Ned then collapsed under the weight of his own blandness
FancyShark
oh god, the stories are repeating
Badgerman
"Okay, wait, fuck, the deadline crept up on me, let me call a mulligan and I'll get it right"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Nancy has other ideas so it probably was some of the student activists. SHe was ready to blame lemonade for a good while.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
This is how white holes are formed.
gellaho
In any case, we have defeated The Nancy Drew Files - Case #41: Something to Hide
FancyShark
WOO!
Great work, everyone!
Welcome to the fold, @Badgerman !
LyraV
@Badgerman You were killing it tonight! Well done Everyone!
Badgerman
Thank you! This was a hell of a ride and I'm super glad I was able to catch it, thank you @gellaho for putting this on!
gellaho
That concludes Episode 76 of The Book Cage.
FancyShark
Yes! Thank you, @gellaho !
gellaho
There was more.
There wasn't.
Badgerman
Perfect stinger
FancyShark
Have a great night, hotdoggers! See you all tomorrow for Fight Night!
1000 Space GDCs
Thanks everyone, good job.