77: 30 The Deadliest Dare Franklin W. Dixon

#30 The Hardy Boys Casefiles

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Dangerous pranks always backfire.

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gellaho
The Book Cage Episode 77 - The Hardy Boys Casefiles #30 The Deadliest Dare
If we're (I'm) doing Hardyween, gotta get some new blood in there. Unfortunately, the spooky Hardy well is running a bit dry. Been too greedy with the creepy covers. Nevertheless, we have a spooky haunted house adventure. The first haunted house Hardy book turned into an entire month (this one!), so be sure to check out this latest Book Cage that happens to be on fire, this Friday 5pm eastern.
gellaho
gellaho
Featuring a shout out to future book #42 The Last Laugh on the back, and a name of an unrelated episode of the 1995 series.
LyraV
The lore runs deep.
gellaho
A little under an hour until The Hardy Boys Casefiles โ„ข๏ธ #30: The Deadliest Dare. Here is your preview
FancyShark
Hate it when you don't see a fire until you're inside it
Badgerman
May miss the early riffs because I'm getting my flu shot and bonus fauci ouchie but I'll make up for it in the later innings
Ozzie
Missing the fire for the flames.
FancyShark
We'll save a seat for you!
gellaho
Time to begin the process
gellaho
Dare to sneeze
FancyShark
Ah. Plague.
Badgerman
Me waking up when I left the heat on overnight
JAVO! Put down that DNA
Move over "Call me Ishmael"
gellaho
Dead of Night also involves an abandoned mill. Bayport was a decaying industry town before it was cool
Badgerman
Also what the fuck is up with those Starfleet excursion jackets on the cover. You boys get lost on your way to Talos IV or something
FancyShark
The loud music was Jimmy Buffit
Badgerman
Hardy Boys are Pittsburghers confirmed
Rachel
old british science fiction. Just garbage cans with googly eyes.
Brendan
LET'S
GET
DREWSY
Rachel
physical?
oh
Brendan
--Oh, sorry, Frank. Sorry, Joe. I guess you're okay too
gellaho
Looking like one of the inappropriately horny ghostwriters
Brendan
Tuck in your shirts, you slobs.
gellaho
Rachel
chill out callie
FancyShark
Callie 54 is showing some signs of deterioration
Rachel
Someone get her some molly and a bottle of water
Brendan
What does Callie have to do to catch a dick that doesn't have a bomb attached?
FancyShark
Chet is right there
Badgerman
If I somehow by the grace of god ended up at a rave and I saw too schmucks as phenomenally uncool as the Hardy Boys trying to White Guy Shuffle through the proceedings I would assume it was all a dying dream
gellaho
The sneezing approacheth
LyraV
I think that ship has sailed, she's hooked on the adrenaline now.
Badgerman
Jesus, lots of coronavirus in these books
FancyShark
Suddenly, a dwarf appears, sneezing wildly
1000 Space GDCs
Frank has the same reaction to purple hair as an 80 year old republican congressman
Brendan
Passive aggressively sneering at personal expression is such Frank move.
Badgerman
"Frank looked up" from Callie's bust, I assume. He seems the type
FancyShark
"Whatever, meat suit."
"Suit?"
gellaho
This anonymous fat partier getting a lot of play
Badgerman
Fuck
Justin's back
FancyShark
The Hardy Boys in Stephen King's The Stand
Badgerman
Oh my god, it's the entire dance floor
Someone dumped nerve agent into the HVAC
gellaho
I, however, only sneer at people who call it "personal expression"
FancyShark
Anyways, time for a snack. Right, Joe?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Allergy season hits Bayport way different.
Brendan
Great White swore to us this effect was necessary to their revised performance.
Rachel
purple hair? I call it "gay"
and therefore a signal beacon to me, personally
gellaho
Ghostwriter with the slim shoulders
gellaho
Slip a little whoopee powder in there
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Same but in a "Oh sweet someone to play boardgames with, and maybe get some gardening tips from." way.
Badgerman
At least it's not slender fingers. Seems like every hack author loves those
Ozzie
Is that square for "coke"?
Badgerman
I believe that was the official strategy for deploying mustard gas at Verdun
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Either that or spanish fly.
FancyShark
Meanwhile, one building over, a group of bumbling terrorists can't figure out why their Agent Orange dirty bomb isn't working
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"i told you this wasnt a bowling alley, but nooooooo."
gellaho
Callie, running away from the club like the sneezing powder is going to chase them
Brendan
I do not understand white America's culture's obsession with slight femininity.
gellaho
Also hanging out with club owners. Which isn't really in her wheelhouse
gellaho
Also weird for a high schooler
Badgerman
Calling the rest of her dialogue over her shoulder as she sprints to the car
FancyShark
Callie once sneezed out her skull. That was Callie 31, I think?
1000 Space GDCs
Callie's in deep with the mob.
Brendan
Just forty years of Grace Kelly...Callie probably got blown up by a whoopie cushion.
Badgerman
She fucking what
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Kay, seeyabyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" she called out the window of her car as she sped away.
1000 Space GDCs
Last person who tried to set off a stink bomb ended up floating in the bay
FancyShark
She dies a lot, is my point. Or should be dead many times over
gellaho
It's one of the ghostwriters who randomly decides to break narrative to mention book titles
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
The Mark 3s used to have what science calls "Jellybones".
Badgerman
"Boy, the Empire sure is Striking Back today, huh guys?"
1000 Space GDCs
Callie wonders how she knew "thick as thieves" was italicized.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Fuck mentioning the names diegetically means this is what FRANK AND JOE call things.
FancyShark
Back inside, people's skin is sloughing onto the floor
Badgerman
Callie thinks in perfect Chicago style formatting
Badgerman
To be fair this is the most Teen Detective thing they could do
FancyShark
That does explain why the titles rarely make sense
gellaho
Weird to start the pranks during "school vacation," but you do you, prankmeister
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Callie Mk 4's get the AP Style Manual implanted in their memories via post hypnotic suggestion during decantation.
Badgerman
Do they not have summer where the Hardy Boys come from
Agent of Fortune
Book cage!
Badgerman
Oh, they're just senior pranks that really fucked up their timing. Mystery solved
FancyShark
"Remember that great prank the other week where that guy's hands were mailed to his lover by his jilted spouse?"
Brendan
Guy spraypainting a dick on the bleachers "HAW HAW WAIT'LL THEY GET A LOAD A DIS"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Bayport has been timeless since 1967, what with The Accident and all.
Agent of Fortune
Didn't Callie get blown up?
Badgerman
Adrift in time and space. Forever unable to jump home
Sam Beckett and Al pass by in a Mustang sometimes and go "what a bunch of losers"
FancyShark
Nope. Different girl. Callie is their plucky sidekick who should absolutely be dead
gellaho
Gotta watch out for them big ol' trees
Rachel
the big, old trees
FancyShark
They do jump out in front of you when you least expect it
Agent of Fortune
Well now the tree is dead, good job
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
This book also seems to have claimed shes Frank's girlfriend, which is impossible because Frank doesnt understand human relationships.
FancyShark
Which is why Callie is thirstier than @Rachel
Rachel
you dont need to understand human relationships to date
gellaho
What's about to happen is almost unprecedented
Rachel
Thus, teenagers
Brendan
All blown-up women are Callie. In Project Hardy they live forever as Valkyries.
gellaho
They're going to let that cliffhanger simmer
Rachel
Let's not use hyperbole
FancyShark
WHAAAAAT
gellaho
Cut to: filing!
Brendan
Must be saving the two exclamation point cliffhangers for something really plum.
Like big, old plum trees!
FancyShark
heyooo!
Badgerman
HIGH ADVENTURE
in dad's home office
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Hot filing action!
Rachel
Joe is so homophobic
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
References! Cabinets! Manila folders!
Brendan
Joe is updating Fenton's reference files on his Mystery Mobile allies with furious notes about Velma.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Joe is having the best time right now.
And will pretend he isnt.
1000 Space GDCs
Fenton really screwed up, Joe can't read since the last head injury
FancyShark
Are we getting Misogynist Joe? After Sad Horny Joe, it's going to be refreshingly familiar
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Joe did you file this guy who commited fraud under "Walfsmorgleberd?"
gellaho
You can just say the FBI
Badgerman
What manner of fucked up alternate universe America is this
FancyShark
Oh, so Curt's the bad guy
Thanks, writer
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I'm almost 100% sure Kirkland is the name of a store around here.
Like I think it sells furniture.
Rachel
Curt Branders does seem like a Kirkland brand terrorist
1000 Space GDCs
Fenton has the same secure facilities for confidential documents as donald trump
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Curt Branders, International Assassin and Furniture Salesman.
gellaho
No, wait, we're going to resolve the cliffhanger via telephone
FancyShark
Nothing would make me happier than if the writer forgot this passage and Curt is never mentioned again
Badgerman
Officer Hamburger?!?!
Oh.
Agent of Fortune
Kirkland is the Costco generic brand
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Callie has a mild concussion, which is the new skull tech providing value already.
Rachel
jesus officer, a mild concussion? Who gives a shit?
gellaho
Those big ol' trees claimed a lot of teens tonight
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
The mark 3s would have been goo on the dashboard.
FancyShark
"We're still scooping up what's left of Callie's face. Head's still intact."
Badgerman
The skull is a full crumple zone for maximum protection
Agent of Fortune
Concussions are fine, what could go wrong down the line
Rachel
he probably tol three people their kids were dead last month alone
Badgerman
Oh everybody was driving drunk from that party
1000 Space GDCs
Ever since we replaced that section of the road with ball bearings, there's been nothing but trouble.
FancyShark
"They drove into a bumper car stadium"
"There was a birthday"
Rachel
"And now those eight year olds are dead"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Frank kept insisting that the tree "Jumped out in front of him." and "He wasnt responsible."
Rachel
"But nevermind them, your friend has a MILD CONCUSSION"
gellaho
Callie replaced her seatbelts with twine
gellaho
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Yes......hahahah.........our......."friend".
FancyShark
"I just thought you'd want to know, Joe. Those kids had their whole lives ahead of them. Anyways, your brother isn't even rattled."
Doctors Lake and Palmer could not be reached
Rachel
Her seat belt came loose? I think you can sue the manufacturer, callie.
Brendan
The Hitman's Kid Brother's Bodyguard
The Hitman's Kid Brother's Bodyguard 2: The Hitman's Kid Brother's Hardyguard
The Hitman's Kid Brother's Bodyguard 3: The Hitman's Kid Brother's BodyHardy
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Frank tried to crash test the latest model and wasnt gonna let safety standards get in his way.
Brendan
The Hitman's Kid Brother's Bodyguard 4: Oh fuck mission compromised evac nOW NOW SO MUCH BLOOD
1000 Space GDCs
Frank and Joe still think seatbelts kill more people than they save so Callie was forced to improvise
Rachel
"Callie, I think your concussion might be more serious than we thought.."
Brendan
Goddamn, we cannot keep a Callie intact.
gellaho
What a prank
Brendan
"Also, someone put sneezing powder in your gas tank."
Badgerman
The best senior prank of all: mass murder
Honestly, that sounds about right for high schoolers.
FancyShark
"We got a prank letter, too. Something about purging the unclean from this whore of a nation. We all had a good chuckle."
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"We also found this note in your glove box that said "Hahahahah, got you, Frank. Have a great summer. Signed Billy, Chutney, Gormley, and Hurnk"
LyraV
I bet they were wrapped up with giant bows and gift cards too, those sick bastards.
gellaho
Sounds like a great place to live, sure
gellaho
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Do......do condos spring up around nightclubs?
Rachel
It turned out six of the other seven cards had those "presents." Car 7 just got a card with five dollars in it.
FancyShark
Condos are like mushrooms. You get the best rate right after a rainstorm when they're fresh.
LyraV
People love living above the bass drop.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Pretty great when they are breaded and deep fried.
Rachel
Oh geah people love living directly a ๐Ÿจ
gellaho
Alright, this ghostwriter is either 800 years old and/or British
FancyShark
Rachel
Or jordan peterson
Which would explain a lot actually
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Bally ruffians have gone and absconded with the dashed evidence, brother."
FancyShark
"Bully for them, I say. Been a right drought of enticement around these parts for some time."
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"By Jove, I think you have it a'right."
gellaho
Ah, yes, the secret technique only known to the illustrious craftsmen at Mr Pizza
gellaho
We gotta get you guys better points of reference
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
mmmm. Pizza.
Agent of Fortune
Did the cops not notice the plank with nails in it in the car tires?
FancyShark
Tony is strangely tight-lipped about where he was prior to moving to Bayport last year.
FancyShark
They ruled it a suicide
Agent of Fortune
Tony Pizza
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"It wasnt Germany. Seriously, boys. It wasnt Germany."
Badgerman
Gonna take a guess and say "Prito" is not a genuine Italian last name
gellaho
Jesus Christ, what decade is this supposed to be
FancyShark
Tony looked at a bag of Fritos when asked his name and he improvised
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"I hear they snap their fingers in time with their steps. Its real intimidating."
Agent of Fortune
What's the scoop, daddy-o
Rachel
It's a Kirkland snack food
Rachel
I hear they're a gang of jokers.
Agent of Fortune
It's a-me, Tony Pizza
Rachel
And midnight tokers
Badgerman
You know the kids these days, if they ain't chatting all the hot gossip at the pizza parlor, they're necking over at the ice cream bar at the pharmacist's
Agent of Fortune
I mean Prito
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I bet they play PINBALL.
Agent of Fortune
OH SHIT
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
And BILLIARDS.
Badgerman
"It's a me, harmless local pizza pasta man Tony Mussolinโ€”I MEAN PRITO FUCK"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
And DANCE IN PUBLIC HALLS.
Badgerman
We got trouble! Right here in Bayville City!
Agent of Fortune
And sock hops
gellaho
Frank and Joe are played by 50s detectives
1000 Space GDCs
Prito's eavesdropping habit is why he's hiding out in Bayport
gellaho
gellaho
Chet is all in on the cult
FancyShark
Tony the Rat. I bet that's who Curt is after. With his pranks.
Agent of Fortune
There are A LOT of those movies
Rachel
wow frank doesnt even believe in the KKK
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Frank, that's not a cult, its the KKK.
Badgerman
Ghostwriter was raised in the 40s and currently writing during the Satanic Panic. We cracked the code
FancyShark
Chet already took down the cult but doesn't want to brag
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I like how we had this thought almost at the same time.
gellaho
The third book is called Cult of Crime, so they actually have dealt with this already
Badgerman
It's like how Law and Order rips all its plots from the headlines but still execute their scripts with the sensibilities of studio writers from the 90s
Brendan
By contract, Chet's name must occur within 50 words of pizza.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
FancyShark
CHOOSE A DATE BETW-
oh wait
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Chet is probably the cult Magus.
Agent of Fortune
I listened to three metal bands today that wear hooded cultist robes
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Their sinister Black Pope.
gellaho
Back at home, Joe is very impatient with this hospital call
1000 Space GDCs
Putting sneezing powder in the ventilation system at a rave is classic cult activity
Badgerman
Well that rules out the Klan
Agent of Fortune
Sorry I'll stop
Joe makes out with himself, got it
Brendan
Cult of the April's Fool
FancyShark
"Archmagus, are you sure this is what Cthulhu commands?"
"YES! DO NOT QUESTION ME! AND PUT GLUE ON THE TOILET SEATS!"
Rachel
we've all had that urge
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Joe hasnt eaten anything for ten minutes and he's getting hungry so he's tasting the inside of his mouth.
gellaho
Dick confirmed
Agent of Fortune
That's serious escalation
Rachel
is a dick smutty?
Badgerman
Holy shit, what a call
FancyShark
Like how Ed Gein started with Chinese finger traps
1000 Space GDCs
No, this is fifties sensibility smut. Someone wrote "gosh darn" on the school
Agent of Fortune
That's like Marijuana to heroin pipeline
Rachel
To me smut requires a sense of story, of action
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Really it was tastefully executed but you can't say that sort of thing about President Eisenhower, and certainly not with an illustration."
gellaho
This ghostwriter is very strange
Agent of Fortune
Paging Rachel
Rachel
just one?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"God Frank, no I wont smell your finger. That's not even how that........you know what, nevermind."
1000 Space GDCs
Those aren't bouncers, Joe.
FancyShark
This is almost human language!
Agent of Fortune
They are bouncy, though
Brendan
"Joe Hardy Eats Vaginna"
gellaho
"Hello, plot speaking"
Agent of Fortune
RIGHT MEOW
FancyShark
"It's going to be a bag filled with Skittles left on top of a refrigerator! I told you it'd be worse!"
gellaho
What a thrilling story
Rachel
"We're going to replace the syrup in the McDonald's coca cola machine with PEPSI. AHAHAHAHAHA"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
The old Hickerson Mansion? Where Hiram Hickerson, the inventory of Hirams Hickory Hickeys used to live? It's been abandoned for years!
Badgerman
He was a big wheel. Like the toy bike. Like Herbie the Love Bug was a Volkswagen. It was real fuckin weird
FancyShark
They say it's haunted!
Agent of Fortune
That's way more fucked up than crashing cars
Brendan
Hickerson-smoked Hirams
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Hahahahah what kind of goober pranks a museum tho?
FancyShark
An art gallery. It's a nerd turf war
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"It's performance art! Its Kaufmanesque!"
gellaho
You know those conversations you have about conversations you just had, but in reverse
FancyShark
The museum retaliates by placing arms on the Venus de Milo
Rachel
it's purple hair girl isnt it
Agent of Fortune
Oh they admit frank is a robot
That's refreshing
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Probably the voice belonged to one of the denatured Callies who escaped the resyk facility.
Bayport is full of them, because the "resyk facility" is Fentons shed and a crowbar.
FancyShark
Callie Omega. She can't die. Nor can they get her to remain in her cell for more than a few weeks before she finds a way to claw out.
1000 Space GDCs
She's who all the other Callies are spawned from
gellaho
This is how high schoolers talked in the eighties. Like people who were alive when the flashlight was invented.
Badgerman
Quantum Callie. With the power of quantum immortality
Fucking Mystery Inc ass dialogue
1000 Space GDCs
The hardys have a hard time distinguishing between a prank and a heist
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
knoll.....trees......grass.....grassy knoll..........THE HARDY BOYS SHOT KENNEDY!?
FancyShark
Meanwhile, the gnoll ducks back behind a tree before anyone can clarify
LyraV
As long as one of them gets nearly garroted to death I'm happy.
Agent of Fortune
We could probably crowd source write one of these books by now
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
The famous Bayport Knoll Gnoll.
gellaho
Kids love the cupola perch
Rachel
as long as there isn't a gazebo
FancyShark
It photobombs all the monster hunter shows
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Nearby is a kiosk that sells Bayport Knoll Gnoll Rolls.
FancyShark
Kids love a flapping back-
no
LyraV
I feel like HotDog Hardy Adventures would get dark real quick.
1000 Space GDCs
This museum is in terrible condition
gellaho
Clicking on his flash
Agent of Fortune
Excellent restraint, Shark
Agent of Fortune
Page one paragraph one sentence one
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Motherfuckers wipe your feet before you vandalize a historical site!
gellaho
What're you talking about, it looks mint
FancyShark
Is good. Like new. You buy. Make offer.
Agent of Fortune
Mint in box
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Ah to see Hiram Hickersons Hickory Hickey Hut fall so low.
People told ol Hiram "You cant build a house out of hickory wood." and "This is a swamp." and "Please stop sending us letters."
gellaho
Just once, for me, write "dove"
FancyShark
And "We're an ice cream shop"
gellaho
Oh, right, fire
Badgerman
This is what it sounds like, when dives cry
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
and "Nobody wants hickory flavored ice cream.":
Hahahah arson is a sick prank bro.
FancyShark
The fire's out of shape, so it's not climbing that fast, but still, scary
Badgerman
This whole fuckin loser town is getting pranked so fuckin hard dude
gellaho
Good thing they left the extinguishers
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Hahahaha did you see the look on Franks face when he saw we set the house on fire? Total classic prank, Gormley."
Brendan
Luring the Hardys to an agonizing death was a pretty good prank.
FancyShark
There were pranks in the movie Dirty Work that were less lethal than this
Badgerman
There were pranks in Revenge of the Nerds that were more legal than this
gellaho
And what a crisis it was
FancyShark
There were pranks in Saw that were better than this
Rachel
Well, i thought it was funny.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
This is pretty close to being a remake of Fistful of Dollars, all we need is for people to gun down Frank and Joe as they leave the burning house.
Agent of Fortune
They'd survive unfortunately
FancyShark
"I guess furniture does that," the Hardys thought, leaving without further comment.
Badgerman
We can dream
Badgerman
Yeah, in an age where everything is made out of asbestos, this should be mad sus
Brendan
For a Few Callies More
gellaho
Joe was hopeful because... reasons
Agent of Fortune
Venture Brothers really wasn't much of an exaggeration
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Someone is gonna collect a ton of the insurance money. Bayport must be the insurance fraud capital of the world by now.
Badgerman
Oh fuck, it's the cops. This is gonna be a remake of Dollars
Brendan
At what point do the Hardys become suspects?
1000 Space GDCs
A cop named Con?
FancyShark
Con Riley? Have we been sitting on such a great name this whole time?
Rachel
It is a little on the nose
Badgerman
That's nothing, I knew a con artist named Copper once
Brendan
Amateur sleuths never get suspected but the volunteer firefighters do?
FancyShark
When they are actively stabbing the police in a courthouse
gellaho
Classic seventeen year old talk
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
His brother Pro Riley is a baker in San Francisco who makes artisanal dog treats.
Badgerman
Crassus really gave the whole practice a bad name
Agent of Fortune
And his buddy Con Edison
Brendan
Classic rich white kids.
gellaho
He's appeared a lot
1000 Space GDCs
Con's full name is Constantinople. He wants to get it changed to Istanbul, though
Brendan
Why'd he change it?
FancyShark
I guess I forgot his first name
Badgerman
That's nobody's business but the Turks'
Agent of Fortune
It's nobody's business but the turks
Rachel
pffft that's so silly
Badgerman
Scooped ya
FancyShark
That's nobodies-
SCOOPED
Agent of Fortune
Damn
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Con Riley gets a lot of shit when he flies the PD helicopter, the dispatcher wont answer him until he refers to it as "Con Air."
Rachel
As if a real person would have a last name like "Riley"
Brendan
In Bayport everyone Italian or darker gets called a Turk.
Badgerman
oh baby, the double scoop
Badgerman
Officer Con Baby
Rachel
I'd watch that movie
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"I say, Joe, those bally Turks are at it again!"
Agent of Fortune
If your family didn't come over on the mayflower you're not a real Bayportian
FancyShark
"Next thing you know, the whole bloody town's going to be crawling with Huns"
Brendan
Mayflower? Those half-humans kicked out of England for not being Anglican?
Rachel
Send those Huns back to Hunsberg
gellaho
Con makes them leave. This writer has fully given up on the boy detective thing
Agent of Fortune
Wrestling entrance theme lyrics
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Show Jerry and his ruddy Kaiser what for, pip pip."
FancyShark
Joe's reading a pamphlet he sees on the ground
Rachel
poor joe, his vigilanteism isnt being enabled for once.
LyraV
You've been playing too much Bioshock Infinite Joe, take a break.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Shut the fuck up, Joe.
Nobody has tried to kill you with a gun yet.
1000 Space GDCs
Joe heard the word unsung for the first time this week and has been dying for a chance to use it
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
And no elephants have been machine gunned.
This is just about as good as it gets.
FancyShark
"They'll look up and shout 'save us!' And I'll look down and whisper 'let's go get a pizza'"
gellaho
Kids love paisley
Agent of Fortune
A CLUE
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Paisley SILK so you know its posh.
Brendan
Frank's Diary: Oct. 8, 1989: Bayport is afraid of me. This city has seen my true face.
gellaho
Pranksters love insignias
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Dashitall, Joe! The games afoot! FOR GOD AND ST. GEORGE!"
FancyShark
"Lost another Callie. Hrm."
Agent of Fortune
Hot dog Hardy Boys DID get dark immediately
Rachel
This is some jack chick shit
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"After you burn down the museum, we will play D&D."
Rachel
elfstar! Nooooooo!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"And there will be a potluck dinner!"
1000 Space GDCs
These people are just trying to film a reality tv show and the hardys keep ruining the challenges
Brendan
Hickson Clock Co. failed for a reason.
FancyShark
PRANKS: Are Your Children Caught Up in the Hip New Fad?
gellaho
Chez Maurice speaks of the pompatus of love
Badgerman
The best criminal conspiracies circulate evidence of their crimes on physical media
Brendan
The only ghost hunter show I want to watch is the Hardys barging in constantly.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Frank is so defensive about his horniness for paper.
Brendan
I mean it worked for the Illuminati and airports.
gellaho
We really need to get you better points of reference
Rachel
I live in filth ๐Ÿ˜„
Badgerman
To be fair Chick Tracks rule. Not in the way he intended. But they do rule
Rip to a legend
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
They're hilarious.
Best part of shitting in a public bathroom is finding one.
Agent of Fortune
Pour one out for a real one
Rachel
rest in piss jack
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Or was when you could find one in the wild.
gellaho
Can't decide on the spelling of hot(-) dog
FancyShark
"Chez Maurice" serves only the finest aerosol dairy products
Rachel
Hot-dog roll, just like americans always call it
Badgerman
It's "hot dog bun" you fucking heathen
FancyShark
Best Wurst is a good name though
Brendan
Wait, what do you call it?
1000 Space GDCs
pigs in a blanket?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"By George, Joe those dashed ducks are giving each other the business over your American Style Sausage Roll."
FancyShark
"Grain pocket"
Brendan
I'm going to have to consult Brockway's Canadian Grain Superheroes article.
gellaho
What is this, fucking Great Expectations?
Rachel
I cant tell you all our secrets Brendan
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
If you put salsa on a hotdog with a rye bun its called "The Devils Meatus."
Because of the rye.
Badgerman
I never knew that a book could be eurojank until now
FancyShark
"Prithee, fair fellows. Might I speak with you about the confoundments of the age?"
Rachel
"I suggest for a proper gift you try this beautiful plank of wood with nails."
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Joe "Considerable wealth" Hardy.
1000 Space GDCs
The saleswoman makes a point to rob Joe later
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Joe would, and thats why he doesnt have a girlfriend. Everyone knows you buy a proper lady a fancy flanged mace as a token of courtship.
FancyShark
Halberd if she puts out
Rachel
Personally i accept all kinds of whips and scourges as well, but I'm a very progressive and modern woman.
gellaho
This bit goes on for a while
Badgerman
True gentlemen would forge their own.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Polearms are for peasants, its improper to give one to a lady. The symbolism alone will give her the vapors.
Badgerman
The whoopee powder cut off oxygen flow to his brain. Gave him amnesia. Doesn't even remember he's American. Very sad
FancyShark
There are two chain-smoking, hardboiled detectives watching this whole sting operation from a van absolutely refusing to believe this shit
1000 Space GDCs
This lady regularly deals with creeps looking to buy stuff for their stalking victims, she's used to this kind of behavior
gellaho
Next time, let's start with the part about how Joe knows her. Otherwise it just sounds like he stalked her until the end of the paragraph
Rachel
Joe is so smooth. Well, his brain is.
Agent of Fortune
Biff
Rachel
Biff Hooper?
Badgerman
Good ol Biff
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
He'd get told "Buy her a mace." and would give her some crude iron ball on a stick.
FancyShark
Biff Hooper isn't his real name. It's just the closest thing to words he's been able to say.
Badgerman
Do you think he knows Plurge Gobbo
LyraV
He's simply terrible at making casks.
1000 Space GDCs
His full name is Biffery.
Rachel
"Knows" is a strong word for Biff
Agent of Fortune
These are all such fifties names
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Oh yeah Biffellthorpe Reinbach Hooper III, his dad runs a barrel factory, Hoopers Coopers.
gellaho
Little rich girl
FancyShark
Family forever shamed by the "snuff incident"
Badgerman
Most of this manuscript was sitting on a shelf in Derry for like twelve years until the right bits of Hardy Boys could be grafted onto a genteel young adult romance
gellaho
Sure, end with how he's bald. That's the important thing
Rachel
Hm, i never heard of an antiques store with a business van. Do they do delivery?
Badgerman
The butler did it!
Agent of Fortune
They deliver PAIN
Rachel
If we're not there in thirty minutes, this authentic 18th century Tuscan lamp is free!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Hahahaha they have an actual butler lol.
Badgerman
I don't know how yet. But I'm sure it's real clever.
FancyShark
"Hey, dude? Can I get a soda?"
Badgerman
He's putting on a good act of being dead. But I'm onto him.
1000 Space GDCs
There's a trail of blood leading from the conservatory, where Joe finds a bent candlestick on the floor
FancyShark
"Dude?"
gellaho
Definitely foreign. No American has ever used that meaning of clout
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Theyve gone and laid low the bally SERVANTS! Now how will we have tea?!"
FancyShark
"Blimey, this is all manner of bother"
Brendan
Joe holding his own against Sagat.
1000 Space GDCs
Joe's first head injury of the night!
Badgerman
If you drop the C from "blinding clout" you get Jared Leto's pasty ass standing in full sunlight
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Beat ๐Ÿ‘ Joe ๐Ÿ‘ to death ๐Ÿ‘ with sticks! ๐Ÿ‘
Brendan
I thought Mark Wahlberg was the lout who blinds.
Agent of Fortune
Joe's brain is basically a giant bruise at this point
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Antique sticks!
gellaho
The tweens really enjoyed reading about Joe's spasms of pain
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Possibly a fine Irish blackthorne shillelagh.
FancyShark
That stick's life is flashing before it
Badgerman
Joe has a stroke. For the kids!
gellaho
Have fun children
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Bane of landlord and yeoman alike.
Rachel
Now this is a gift that would win my heart
Especially if i had an opportunity to crack Joe's skull with it
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Noted.
FancyShark
The End?
Badgerman
We're not that lucky
gellaho
Meanwhile: Fat Cat
Badgerman
Great gift idea for Hot Dog Secret Santa, in case anyone's making plans
FancyShark
MEHITABEL
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Joe crashed into the sweet arms of Oblivion. Well, on to the next chapter, kids."
KITTY!
A calico!
FancyShark
TWENTY-EIGHTH DEMON OF SOLOMON AND KEEPER OF THE MIDNIGHT GRIMOIRE
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
And she chonk!
Badgerman
Why isn't this novel about Mehitabel and her owner solving crimes instead of these end crusts of white bread
FancyShark
oh, wait, no
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Best part of this book so far.
FancyShark
it's a kitty
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
And?
Rachel
SHE CAN BE BOTH
Agent of Fortune
CAt
gellaho
Fenton has all the coolest friends
FancyShark
I may have overreacted
LyraV
Kitty definitely has several death metal albums named after her.
Agent of Fortune
That's not how you spell Marshall
FancyShark
Rolling papers, specifically
Rachel
Professor Marschall founded Dunder-Mifflin
Badgerman
Tbh I would be the "uncanny paper knowledge" friend so I can't point any fingers here
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
HELLO PORTLAND! WE ARE BLOODDOOM AND THIS IS SKINEATER FROM OUR HIT ALBUM MEHITABEL!
Agent of Fortune
I've heard them
LyraV
Marschall sounds like a sort of fancy ice cream dessert.
Brendan
DeClaire Marschall, professor of law.
gellaho
Oh, fuck. You've gotta settle down, ghostwriter. I don't know if I can handle this level of excitement
gellaho
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Professor, my brother Joe says I have a paper mill in my butt. What does he mean by that? I dont understand him at all."
Rachel
oh ive heard them
Brendan
Professor Marschall whistled inappropriately at a passing coed.
Badgerman
This dude fucking collected paper like Home Depot carpet samples and/or infinity stones
Rachel
Th professor fucking hates frank
Brendan
The soil in this sample could ONLY have come from the Mansion's east bank.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Leaving Professor Marschall was a very weird breakup movie. Had Mila Kunis tho so it wasnt all bad.
gellaho
Everything is a ruin
FancyShark
Darkest Dungeon takes place in Bayport
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Man if some dickhead teen came into my office demanding my paper expertise I would bore him to death. Alot like this.
Badgerman
Ruin has come to our โ€” fuck
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I too, flee wailing down the darkened corridors of academia.
gellaho
Ruins are well known for their paper hoards
gellaho
And for being 25 years old
FancyShark
That was the original draft before they demanded more narration
Badgerman
Wayne fell off his chair
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Locked desks being notorious for being proof against moisture and stuff.
Also I didnt go to college, is it normal for such institutions to have their own special type of paper?
Badgerman
Hey man, they lasted just fine in Fallout
FancyShark
"Won't let me write my steamy Victorian romance novel, huh? Fine. I'll give you pages. I'll give you pages for days."
gellaho
Somebody really wants that paper
gellaho
Badgerman
I didn't go to a college that had its own bespoke paper stock but they sure charged me like the did
Rachel
mood
FancyShark
Won't someone please take dat paper?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
T-MONEY!
Badgerman
A teenager! KILL IT
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
COUNTING IT WITH HIS TONGUE!
Oh shit I blacked out there for a second and channeled Hambone.
FancyShark
Frank, I'm pretty sure the next bullet is coming from a gun
Badgerman
IT TOOK A DOUBLE PUMP TO GET HIM OUT OF THE BURNING RUIN
Rachel
interesting theory
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
This isnt even related to the case, the residents of Bayport just really like shooting at each other while driving.
gellaho
JOE HUNGERS
Badgerman
Shit, when's the next Battle Dome watch party
FancyShark
There are subtle clues
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Lucky and Wild is Bayports most popular arcade game.
FancyShark
Next week
Badgerman
Thought the narration was calling the hot dog beautiful
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Joe tells time by hotdogs in his stomach.
FancyShark
Joe ate an actual dog. Joe thought it was sexy.
Rachel
Downtown kirkland hot dogs decompose at very predictable speeds
Unlike downtown kirkland hot-dogs, which have highly unpredictable rolls
John, a mustache and a headband
Amazing he's been kidnapped so often his first thought is the time.
FancyShark
1000 Space GDCs
Joe really takes being knocked out and kidnapped in stride.
Badgerman
Foreshadowing
Agent of Fortune
Fell asleep did I miss anything
FancyShark
Mostly paper
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
And he woke up next to the mutilated corpse of someone named Venus! Some crazy motherfucker put a clock in her!
1000 Space GDCs
I had to walk to a bar, I missed some stuff too.
gellaho
Joe spends a couple of pages getting out of the chair. Then runs into Jeanne
Brendan
I love Hardy weeks so much.
FancyShark
We still haven't hit our redhead quota
Badgerman
Joe noticed she wasn't tied, the kinky bastard
Brendan
Jeanne Sinclair, Lady Consort
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"No, Joe. I smashed your skull in because you came into my house without permission, unannounced."
Brendan
This is my parlour loveseat, Joe. You are trespassing.
gellaho
Now Joe's in some kind of death trap
Rachel
Mmm. I need a boyfriend.
FancyShark
"Jeanne Sinclair. I might've known."
"Joe, this is my house."
Rachel
A durable one this time.
Badgerman
"The room will begin flooding with poison gas unless you solve my riddle."
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"The door is made solid steel and locked. Now lift up your shirt Joe. I sewed the key inside you. There's a knife on the side table. LET THE GAME BEGIN!"
Brendan
Joe thought for a minute, then charged headfirst through the drywall around the steel.
FancyShark
Joe proceeds to chew on the doorknob
Rachel
Mmm. I need a boyfriend.
gellaho
Meanwhile, Frank had some banter with himself
Badgerman
"May" is being optimistic
Rachel
note that he's zooming past regular trees.
Not big, old trees
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
It's just like Frank to 1) be driving Callies car during being shot at, and 2) not have his own goddam gun.
1000 Space GDCs
As in, he's giving them permission?
Badgerman
As in the gunmen may kill him before the killer trees do
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Also how does her car not have armor plates and bulletproof glass?
Rachel
Yeah, i thought this was america!
Shouldn't the teens all have guns?
gellaho
Frank runs out of the car into the forest, and the people just kind of leave
FancyShark
"The pitter-patter of hot lead told me that Callie was gonna be in a tizzy when I next saw her, assuming the mooks on my tail didn't relocate me to a new bed six feet underground"
gellaho
He goes home
Badgerman
Oh thank god. I was worried there would be stakes
Brendan
Hardy Boys in SIN CITY: THAT PURPLE LESBO
Rachel
Frank hasnt eaten anything in hours, call the hospital!
Brendan
wait, is lesbo hate speech yet or is that just slang
Badgerman
Aunt Gertrude came carrying a ham sandwich on a plate. Not rawdogging it like some kind of degenerate
Rachel
Ill give you a pass this time.
Brendan
Seriously? I'm sorry if it is.
gellaho
Why even bother writing this
1000 Space GDCs
Aunt Gertrude's dementia has progressed far enough that she doesn't remember Joe anymore.
Brendan
I need to know, this stuff is in motion always.
Agent of Fortune
Ah hell my parents are here
Badgerman
Oh fuck, he hasn't eaten and now darkness is closing in. My man has hypoglycemia
Rachel
haha no it's fine sweetie it's a very mild, jocular term
FancyShark
How about SIN CITY: A DAME TO CHET FOR
Rachel
Sorry for teasing you
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Oh yeah thanks for returning my car IN EXCELLENT CONDITION Frank."
Brendan
Tease always, just let me know if I'm wandering into scorched backtrail.
1000 Space GDCs
Better condition than usual, to be fair.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
This Callie is just a tad passive aggressive.
Rachel
Will do
FancyShark
Callie's happy she doesn't have to hose the remains of another Callie out of the interior this time
Badgerman
"Is he in trouble?"
"Well, it's Joe, so"
1000 Space GDCs
Usually when a Hardy borrows her car she immediately picks up a new issue of auto trader.
Rachel
Callie's insurance bill is astronomical
FancyShark
Her credit score is just a poo emoji
Badgerman
She should just invest in a Pinto, let that problem finally solve itself
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"I mean I dont CARE if he's in trouble. It's just a hassle to start the decantation process and who wants to start that if the old one isnt expired yet? Talk about awkward."
gellaho
Frank arrives at an old building, again
1000 Space GDCs
Her insurance company stopped covering acts of Hardy
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Bayports insurance industry is basically nonexistent.
Badgerman
Are any of these spooky haunted houses actually going to be haunted
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
They have to get a federal subsidy just to have a bank in city limits.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Course not. The only ghosts around the Hardy Boys are the ghosts of exploded girlfriends.
gellaho
Seems like these pranksters might also be swingers
FancyShark
For the ultimate prank, we enslaved the souls of the dead to make spooky noises while we charge bored suburbanites $5 a person to shuffle through our deathtrap of a house
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Good luck haunting a car when Joe has its scorched remains crushed into a cube.
Badgerman
What is this, a goldfish seance club?
FancyShark
"It's saying something!......................'glub'?"
Ozzie
Their logo is a billiard ball?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"I TOLD you guys to use washable paint! Now the principal wont let us have our LARP here again!"
1000 Space GDCs
That place looks horrifying under black light.
gellaho
Just like Kevin, forgetting the ceremonial candles
FancyShark
"And you're sure this is how we lose our virginity?"
"Yes, dumbass. It says so right here in the DMG."
FancyShark
You'd never think a blacklight could catch fire
Badgerman
"You forgot our special ceremonial incense again, Biiiiff! ๐Ÿ˜ฉ"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"NO YOU GET SOME BIFF! I'm the High Wizard, you're just the Exalted Magician, its your job this time."
FancyShark
That's so Kevin!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Did you even bring the Doritos and Mt. Dew, KEVIN?!"
gellaho
Typical candle tiff
FancyShark
"NUH UH! I BROUGHT THE TABLE SO IT'S MY TURN TO BE THE WIZARD!"
1000 Space GDCs
So many cults have broken up over stupid candle fights.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Look, just because I sent Gormley "Pussy Hound" Chalmers over to her house to tell her to keep her mouth shut, doesnt mean I'm responsible for what may or may not have happened, BIFF."
FancyShark
Parents, talk to your kids about candles before someone else does.
Badgerman
"It's VITALLY IMPORTANT that our Yankee Candle shipments be kept in our criminal storeroom ๐Ÿ˜ค"
Rachel
If they dont keep it down Kevin's mom is going to have to come down there.
Brendan
Are they still writing Hardy novels? Is it in that grunting the kids call slang?
gellaho
Biff seems to have joined this group without knowing anything about it
Badgerman
In fairness that's how most people end up in DnD circles
Rachel
Biff is the High Wizard of Exposition
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Biff is asking a lot of questions for a guy in a Circle.
Brendan
"females don't want a real man, they just want a cuck to pay their bills," said Chet.
"based AF" chuckled Joe.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Its like Biff doesnt understand what he's here for.
Brendan
Hi, I am the future, now and forever. I will always be young and I am not a cranky old man right now.
gellaho
The one they call Kevin
Agent of Fortune
Fucking amateurs
Badgerman
Kevin Branders, that consumerist pig
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"If it WAS Kevin Branders, then Frank would ambush him with a sock full of gravel."
1000 Space GDCs
The earth-man you call 'Kevin'.
Rachel
He's here as a blood sarifice to Ba'al. Which he will later admit is a pretty great prank.
gellaho
Third gun pull
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"If not, Frank would just slash his tires."
FancyShark
"I decided to tail the one called Kevin. He was clearly the only brain in this little scholar's club."
Brendan
It's going to go ugly when the other prisoners find out the Crimson Council of 12 gang was sent upriver by two HS seniors.
Badgerman
"Hold it right there, son", as he's dangling from a ledge
Not like he can do fucking anything else
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Ba'al: "Oh ho ho ho! You really got me this time, Kevin. You pranked me good, this guy was supposed to go to Moloch."
FancyShark
"Kevin, you are the best!"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"This is better than that time you had a herd of sacrificial goats delivered to the Baptist church on fifth street."
gellaho
Meanwhile: Joe gets some exposition
FancyShark
"Or that time I put holy water in your-"
"We don't talk about that, Kevin."
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Honestly, I just joined this Circle to fuck nerds, but the losers just kept putting arson in the bowl."
Badgerman
Oh, so it's all just a hilarious misunderstanding that built up to mass murder plots
Brendan
Nah, Ba'al only accepts child sacrifice. Hardys are canonically 18 to rent cars and stuff.
FancyShark
Jeanne set this all up as an elaborate way to tell Joe to not talk to her
Rachel
Hence, prank
gellaho
Classic Kevin
Rachel
Keep up ya lesbo
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Yeah but they've been held back more than a little bit, so all the kids they know are 16.
Brendan
Oh man, if I were that cool.
Badgerman
Kevin is the cult leader personality type. This shit just kind of happens with him
LyraV
He's always hosting late night cult orgies, Oh Kevin you scoundrel.
Rachel
Well who hasnt done that a few dozen times?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Fuckin KEVINS always having the worst cult orgies.
FancyShark
Kevin's college transcript is metal as fuck
Badgerman
Not for lack of trying, I assure you
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
They never have enough hydration.
And the balance is all off.
1000 Space GDCs
Jeanne got creeped out when Kevin kept putting pranks in the bowl that said 'show me ur boobs'
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
And you dont even get a quality statue of Baphomet with the big ol tonker.
gellaho
I'm pretty sure that doesn't mean anything to anyone, Jeanne
Badgerman
Only Biff took him up on it, oddly
FancyShark
Kevin's dog keeps telling people to kill the innocent. Or it wants beggin' strips. It's hard to tell.
Badgerman
Gramatkee's not a name, it's a borked Scrabble hand
LyraV
A real common behavioral issue
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Kevin this idol of Baphomet is paper mache! Who would be able to fuck this? It will crumble the first time! You suck."
gellaho
Pullovers are very intimidating
Rachel
I gotta disappear, i love y'all!
Badgerman
Sweet James Bond cosplay, dickhead
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
International assassin and teen cult member?
FancyShark
Take care, Rachel!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Watch out for the teen cultists!
Agent of Fortune
SURPRISE
LyraV
have fun!
gellaho
Curt has the thinnest lips in the business
Badgerman
Check under your tires for board with nails in!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Man you are obviously going to kill him later, Curt.
Just shoot him NOW.
Badgerman
Curt's got Kenneth Branagh lips
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Your car seat will wash.
FancyShark
Curt can't even sip without spilling his drink. That's how thin his lips are.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Hes an international assassin because Bayports insurance collapse has made cosmetic surgery too expensive, so he cant get the plump ass lips he's always dreamed of.
gellaho
Meanwhile: Frank is accosted by Droopy Mustache
Badgerman
He was almost completely bald except for his hair and mustache.
Normal human man
1000 Space GDCs
Is the caliber of the guns relevant information here?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
This is really weird, I genuinely hope that these two adult men arent in a teen prank cult.
gellaho
It goes well
FancyShark
So far, this is all a classic Fenton prank
Badgerman
This stupid asshole did a Jedi front flip and landed straight into a gun barrel. Fuck you, Frank.
Brendan
"Here? In the men's room stall?"
1000 Space GDCs
Frank pulls off a surprisingly effective elbow drop.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Droopy Mustache pulls off his disguise and its Fenton.
FancyShark
"Gotcha, son!"
Brendan
You know, this was in fact the proper reserve of the exclamation point.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Hahaha, Son. You need to be more careful, what if this had been a real scenario where your dad sets up an elaborate cult and is about to shoot you in the face?"
gellaho
Joe escapes his chair. Again.
FancyShark
"So, Mr. Sittles. We meet again."
"Joe, are you talking to the chair?"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Joe........its called a haymaker.
You fucking NERD.
gellaho
Big Automatic Thump is the name of my funk band
Badgerman
He "circled down on him" with a punch
What, was it fucking tracking him?
Did he make HEAT lock on the dude before throwing out that roundhouse?
FancyShark
"Which is sad, because Frank was trying to dive out the window."
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Man how bad a gunman do you have to be to miss when your gun is pressed against the forehead?!
FancyShark
At some point, you're better off hoping for an accident
Badgerman
Was there even a token "smack the gun hand out of the way" move
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Or is all this a fantasy passing thru Frank's brain as it cools on the floor?
gellaho
Back at the house: CONSUME
FancyShark
Remember when this book was about...
what was this about?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
A series of.......slightly out of hand pranks?
Badgerman
"What, you don't think I can stuff my face with these donuts? Fuckin' watch me you weak ass"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Joe and Frank breaking up a D&D game?
gellaho
You can type Gramatkee as much as you like, I will not accept it
FancyShark
Callie's insurance claim?
Badgerman
Gramatkee sounds like a fucked up Final Fantasy monster
FancyShark
Curt Branders: We'll Label Anything And We'll Be Briefly Rude
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Oh yeah Willis Gramatkee, of Gramatkees Tchotchkees and Keys.
1000 Space GDCs
Gramatkee sounds like a white person trying to come up with a native American sounding name.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Gramatkees Pฤ…czkis and Keys was such a dud, people kept choking on the keys.
FancyShark
Gramatkee the Polish Gnome was not a popular book
gellaho
Off to another abandoned building
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
the pฤ…czki was pretty alright tho.
FancyShark
Are we sure Bayport isn't in Chernobyl?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
It sounds like a suburb of Detroit.
1000 Space GDCs
Bayport has more abandoned buildings than Gotham city.
Badgerman
This is like an MST3K where the movie is so boring Mike/Joel/Jonah and the bots can't save it
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Fuckin Bayport, Indiana. Where Hope Goes To Die Uninsured.
Badgerman
If this all ends with Robocop busting through a wall to save the day I'll take back everything I said about this book
FancyShark
It's not as batshit as some of the other books, but the riffs tonight have been top notch. Like cheese puffs.
1000 Space GDCs
That one where Tom is just screaming 'END!'
gellaho
At the old barn, Joe is getting Catty
FancyShark
"Don't go there, girlfriend," says the whitest boy in the 50's 80's
Badgerman
The virgin accomplice vs the Chad chartwell boxer
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Oh........Chad did you not see what happened to Crumbleton? Kevin stabbed him six times for "questioning him" and all Crumbleton did was ask Kevin if he could pass the salt."
FancyShark
Classic Kevin prank
gellaho
Joe decides to beat him up
gellaho
FancyShark
Like Joe Pesci's character in any Scorcese movie
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Hahahaha Glass Chad.
Everyone knows he's the easiest character to beat in Super Hardy Out.
1000 Space GDCs
Chartwell is a catering company. No wonder he sucks at boxing.
Badgerman
I mean I'd have tried to befriend him but I guess the blind haymaker works too
gellaho
Kevin has psychic powers
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Not even a haymaker, two jabs. Jabs are the punch you throw to measure or create distance or keep their defence occupied.
Chad is a terrible boxer. He needs to watch more Hajime no Ippou.
Badgerman
He made it like three steps and got dog piled
Why do these dorks keep splitting up again?
gellaho
Joe's having quite a day
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Joe.........why was the police a bluff?
Brendan
NOT an exclamation cliffhanger
gellaho
He hasn't exploded yet, so it's still looking up
FancyShark
Light takes longer to register in Joe's brain
Badgerman
Guard just fucking windmill spinning that punch. Like a cartoon character
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Joe hasnt been the same since Frank replaced his brain with a lobsters central nervous system.
Badgerman
He went on to runner-up at UFC 3
gellaho
They save that for the end of chapters
FancyShark
GELLAHO cliffhanger!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
The best kind of cliffhangers!
Badgerman
You're telling me gellaho understands pacing and tension better than the guy who wrote this book?
Yeah, I believe that.
1000 Space GDCs
Low bar.
FancyShark
Nothing says "legendary detective" like hoping you can stop after ringing a doorbell
gellaho
Shit
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Frank........why did you not CALL AHEAD YOU FUCKING DINGUS!
Brendan
It was I, Joe. Your own brother: the architect of all your pain.
gellaho
โ˜‘๏ธ Redhead
And
โ˜‘๏ธ Sleeenderrrr
FancyShark
"Joe, you're talking to a sponge."
gellaho
And a nerd, it has everything
FancyShark
WE HIT PAYDIRT!
1000 Space GDCs
This redhead is not paying attention to Frank's words at all.
I like her
gellaho
And now she's out of the book
Badgerman
Just checking off that bingo box
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Man making an Argonauts reference with your boat is dangerously close to hubris.
FancyShark
The Argonauts are kicking themselves for not ringing the doorbell
dammit, scooped
Badgerman
The greatest Argonaut of all: Kevin
gellaho
This is at least the fifth time in this book that one of them has arrived at a place where "it was obvious something was wrong"
1000 Space GDCs
'to be alone' is code for 'do drugs with sex workers'.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Doing drugs with sex workers is the best kind of aloneness.
FancyShark
I hope to someday be described as "weather-beaten"
Badgerman
I hope this ends in a sniper fight in the middle of a hurricane like in Equalizer 2.
Agent of Fortune
GRAMATKEEEEE
FancyShark
"Frank then used the lamp to cave in the man's skull"
gellaho
Biff is still going along with this for... reasons
Badgerman
I say, they've taken the motor launch!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I mean that guard probably will never regain consiousness anyway, and if he does he will need flash cards to spell anything but "mksplubb" again.
Badgerman
That's not cricket ๐Ÿ˜ค
FancyShark
Biff's pretty sure he's in the right place
Brendan
when things are wrong everywhere you go, you're what's wrong.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Yeah I'm aiding an assassination. Its a PRANK, DUH."
1000 Space GDCs
Frank could have saved the guards life by calling an ambulance. As it is, he will bleed to death internally.
gellaho
Frank commandeers Tony's smuggling boat
FancyShark
So many concrete shoes on board
Agent of Fortune
BIFFFFFF
TONY PIZZAAAAA
Badgerman
"Lucky I remembered to backfill this exposition," Frank thought to himself
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Hahahah yeah. Ol Tony has a boat.....for.......smuggling. Yes. For smuggling my famous pizza sauce. To avoid.......tariffs......"
1000 Space GDCs
Frank's spying on the guy in witness protection pays off.
gellaho
So many head wounds
FancyShark
Tony's torso would be found a week later, floating in the bay
gellaho
Head Wound: The Book
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"And absolutely NOT to hide the corpses of people who discover my secret connection to Operation Gladio. Nope."
FancyShark
Curt Branders: We'll Keep It Brief And Personalized
Badgerman
Why'd you bring a gun if you're just going to go out of your way to avoid using it
gellaho
Look at those faaaaat candles
Brendan
Neurologists in Bayport must buy a new Rolls every week.
FancyShark
Guns in the Hardy universe are more like the Talking Stick. You're not allowed to monologue unless you're holding a gun
Agent of Fortune
CURT BRANDERSSSSS
Badgerman
They prefer "stout"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"You see, Frank, as an INTERNATIONAL ASSASSIN I sometimes feel the need to kind of.....spice things up in the work place. It would have been really easy to have shot this old man days ago and fucked off to Belize or something. But instead I wove an elaborate plan involving framing a teen cult for murder. To keep busy, you see."
gellaho
This ghostwriter must find sweaters very threatening
FancyShark
Mr. Rogers was his Jigsaw
Agent of Fortune
OTHER BRANDERSSSSS
Badgerman
A dark sweater now, to contrast with his earlier dark sweater
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Fuck you, Kevin. Nobody currently sitting on an apple barrel gets to jeer at someone elses intellect.
Badgerman
Oh fuck, it's the Psycho Ranger Hardy Boys
1000 Space GDCs
That's a Hooper brand apple barrel!
Brendan
The '90s had such a misplaced idea of the need for baggy sweaters.
Agent of Fortune
Psycho loco
FancyShark
It's like every writer was intimidated by longshoremen
gellaho
Angry Kevin
FancyShark
Hang on, Curt's a thief?
Agent of Fortune
Yeah that's not funny
Badgerman
Not as cool as "international swindler"
Agent of Fortune
He prefers grifter
FancyShark
His cover as a thief is "international assassin"?
Badgerman
I have a DnD character like that but in reverse
1000 Space GDCs
To be fair that is cooler
gellaho
Those foolish poor little rich kids
gellaho
Other way around
Badgerman
So this is all just a big revenge scheme?
Agent of Fortune
Assassin international?
FancyShark
Ah, thank you
1000 Space GDCs
Classic cult leader rug pull
Badgerman
Like, there's no profit?
gellaho
He told his younger brother he's a thief to get him to help assassinate a guy\
FancyShark
That's so Curt!
Badgerman
You didn't even forge the wills to get yourselves a cut of their estates?
Freaking amateur hour
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Hahahah sick prank Curt. Did you see what your dumb ass little brother looked like when the cops told him he was being charged with 30 counts of murder?"
gellaho
C'mon, can't give me "dove" and now no snuck?
FancyShark
The biggest prank my stepbrother ever pulled on me was short-sheeting my bed
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Yeah it was the best, it took forever to pin all those assassinations on him and his stupid little teen cult idea."
gellaho
This is how people talk
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
My sister and I once convinced my brother he could reinflate a bike tire without a pump if he breathed hard enough.
Badgerman
You have a large body of water you can throw all your murder evidence into and you're setting up a fall guy
Agent of Fortune
Does not compute
FancyShark
"That's right. I'm sending you to outer space."
Badgerman
The Hardy Boys in: This Island Earth
gellaho
Curt seems very dumb
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Man this is really needlessly elaborate for a guy who can just sail into international waters, put a slug into an old man, dump his body, and leave the country.
Badgerman
Fuck you, Curt
FancyShark
The international assassin doubts his ability to gauge when someone is dead
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Curt is one of the worst Hardy assassins and that is saying something.
FancyShark
The Assassins are better assassins than this guy, and they're just dipshit terrorists
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I bet Curt doesnt make much money because of his tendency to fuck around.
Badgerman
Who would hire this moron
gellaho
Kevin's enjoying himself
FancyShark
He spends a lot of his income on lotto tickets people have thrown in the trash
Badgerman
Barmet Bay, that classic American place name
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Olaf Stundurksy, owner of Olafs Falafel and Taser emporium, Gramatkees deadly rival!
Olaf has CTE
gellaho
"My brother would also never fall for a desperate story"
Brendan
The business associates are going to be very unsettled if they ask for reports and he's like "Okay, I FINALLY got the ancient cult conspiracy ring established, but I've only clubbed Gramatkee in the ear so far...I'm waiting for two local teen sleuths to show up."
Badgerman
"I would never believe my brother the international hitman would kill anybody!"
Brendan
"What? No, just shoot him from the trees with a rifle."
FancyShark
"We're not paying for any of this, are we?"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"wait.........you think Biff is my friend? I hate that guy, he put a pickle in my gas tank last year."
gellaho
OK, wtf, so you can say FBI?
FancyShark
Who hasn't tried to impress their little brother by embracing the mystique of the suave and sexy international thief?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
lmao the Federal Crime Bureau?
gellaho
Noooooo! That lamp was so young!
Badgerman
Jesus, this guy brought a .32?
FancyShark
Props to the writer for getting near a joke
Badgerman
He's not serious about any of this professional killer bullshit
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Kevin..........you stupid fuck. The ONE person in your life who absolutely cannot be trusted is your brother, everyone with a brother knows this.
gellaho
I think the word "fat" has appeared 50 times. Whether or not it made any sense
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
My brother used to steal my jeans and once sold my copy of Suikoden 2 for drug money, you think you should trust that?!
Badgerman
Ghostwriter was really into body shaming inanimate objects
Agent of Fortune
That's not how bullets work
Badgerman
shielJ
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Damn that chair is thicc if it can stop a nine mil.
at that range.
Badgerman
The bullet got lost in the padding and was too proud to stop and ask for directions
gellaho
Well, that's a first. A Hardy attempting to kill
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
old man Gramatkee has some good taste in chairs.
Brendan
He could have just had the bullet glance. Bullets do weird stuff sometimes!
FancyShark
Holy shit, Frank!
Badgerman
Yeah, the Hardy Boys would be shooting blanks, wouldn't they
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Hahahah Frank you fuckin NERD, the one time you pull a trigger its empty.
FancyShark
He can't even get a gun hot
Badgerman
No wonder Callie pretends not to notice them
gellaho
So many fat armchairs
Badgerman
SIX armchairs???????
On a BOAT????
FancyShark
"Aw nuts. Can't kill a man, I guess."
FancyShark
YOU FOOL! THE BOAT IS NOTHING BUT CHAIRS!
<sinks>
Badgerman
Great, he said to himself without quotation marks
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Jesus how big is this fuckin boat if it has a full library?!
gellaho
Getting knocked out turned Biff into an old-timey pugilist
FancyShark
"Have at you!"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Gramatkee sold a fuckton of keys for this puppy.
Badgerman
"Take this, scallywag!"
FancyShark
"Uncouth ruffian!"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I wonder if Biff will wrestle Curt overboard or Curt will shoot Biff in the tummy?
gellaho
But who was fall?
Badgerman
Dived*
Wait. No
FancyShark
Doven
Badgerman
Now I'm confused
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Diven.
FancyShark
Deeved
gellaho
Curt was fall. And I guess Joe sees what Frank sees now
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Dorved.
gellaho
Yes, they did say dived again
Like they're mocking me
Badgerman
God damn it
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Curt you failed to kill TWO TEENS, with a gun. You need to retire.
FancyShark
"Hahaha, guess the Curt's in the water this time!"
"That doesn't make any sense! Help me!"
FancyShark
It was only a matter of time before these books became aware of you
1000 Space GDCs
Man I get distracted by Jeopardy for a minute and now I'm lost.
gellaho
Branderses
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Curts in the cradle and a silver spoon, little boy blue......"
"WILL YOU SHUT UP AND HELP KEVIN!"
Hahaha no they wont, Curt.
Badgerman
Branders & Branders, the personal injury facilitators. Call today
FancyShark
"One of those idiots will think it's a sandwich. We're fine."
Badgerman
Better Squirt Curt
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Neither of the Hardy boys has any kind of marksmanship, its a pistol. And a nine millimeter, you're probably good.
gellaho
Kevin's having a moment
gellaho
Set the boat afire
FancyShark
That's rough. I remember when I found out Santa wasn't a hitman, too.
Badgerman
We must RAM THE YACHT WITH FIRE
gellaho
We say ablaze in this country, sir. It's much cooler, it has a z in it
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Yeah you dumb ass. Remember that time I farted in your Cheerios? And remember that time I told you bugs taste like chocolate? Why do you believe me?"
Rachel
Dousing things with gasoline has never failed before!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
You came back! Huzzah!
Badgerman
This fucking guy plans assassinations like Francis Drake fights the Spanish Armada
1000 Space GDCs
I hope they remembered to get rid of the fire extinguishers this time.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
The Phantom Zone cannot hold Rachel!
gellaho
I mean, you might as well go "Branderses's" at this point
Rachel
Ehh this boat fire can't be stopped! Where would they possibly get enough water??
Badgerman
They're escaping to international waters with a gimp. That can't be good
FancyShark
You tell us, writer
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
A wet gimp.
1000 Space GDCs
The various spellings of branderses's is an indication of how much editors give a shit about this book.
gellaho
Now everyone gets wet
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Hahahah yeah, Fuck you, Joe.
Enjoy visiting Poseidon.
gellaho
Joe is allergic to air
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Yessss swallow the sea water, Joe.
FancyShark
Joe's breathing lessons were showing their flaws
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Succumb and embrace our Dark Mother, the Ocean.
1000 Space GDCs
Joe is unusually non bouyant
gellaho
You are a weird guy, ghostwriter
Badgerman
Good thing I took that underwater basket weaving class!
FancyShark
His brain is cement
Rachel
I'm pulling for Dagon
FancyShark
oh gross. The writer's getting off on this
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
RETURN TO THE SOURCE OF ALL LIFE JOE!
gellaho
Very bizarre
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
It only hurts at first.
FancyShark
Yes, whale songs do remind people of drowning. This all tracks.
Badgerman
Buddy, we have kinktober for this shit
gellaho
It's your boy
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
God he better not get rescued by a dolphin.
FancyShark
YES!
GO!
FEAST ON THE IMMORTAL!
Rachel
As joe suffocates, the last thing he hears is the gentle cry of a nearby lobster
"kiss the girl"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
DEVOUR THE LAND MAMMAL! WOLVES OF THE SEA!
FancyShark
I SWEAR TO GOD, IF THAT'S A DOLPHIN
gellaho
Passing out for the third time today
gellaho
Just Kevin
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Aw its fuckin Kevin.
You asshole.
FancyShark
KEVINS ARE THE DOLPHINS OF THE LAND! DAMMIT!
Badgerman
This dude's brain must be deflated balloon ribbons by now
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I wanted Joe to be eaten by sharks and pooped out for all the little poop eating fishes to eat.
Rachel
"Ughhh now i have to tell people i was rescued by kevin? You should have let me drown asshole."
"In fact, throw me back in. Dolphin or bust."
gellaho
Frank wanted to make sure they were dead before he got the least bit wet
Rachel
Correct, yes, nothing has changed
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"You're........still........a huge dork Kevin..............I'm cough not sorry splutter I peed on your Dungeon Master's Guide."
FancyShark
Can't let the circuitry get wet
gellaho
Look at Mr Fancypants with his thesaurus
FancyShark
This is probably the same dilemma Frank had when they were kids and Joe took a bath
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Oh.........what was that Kevin? Murderersbrothersayswhat?"
FancyShark
Brooke-ass ghost writing mofo
Badgerman
That's not seawater, he just forgot to go before he left shore
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
So is Frank going to beat Kevin to death with a marlinespike or not?
gellaho
I guess it's good that we already know that Biff's there and radioed for help already
gellaho
I mean, I do
I skipped that because radioing for help is boring
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"huge" firebomb.
Rachel
warning y'all I'm unsobering
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Because its a launch.
FancyShark
Might as well kill a man in the most conspicuous manner possible
Rachel
truly legendary hitman stuff
1000 Space GDCs
I ran to a bar 2 hours ago for that purpose.
Badgerman
Biff stays at his post to warn the mainland til the bitter end. The Vince Coleman of Bayport, they called him at the memorial
Rachel
he trained under putin
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Leon the Professional had a scene like this.
FancyShark
To be fair, that's how I play Hitman
gellaho
Kevin's looking to end it all
Badgerman
You don't just knock everyone out with spaghetti cans?
1000 Space GDCs
Joe thinks that today is a good day to die.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Personally I like to poison people.
Rachel
see this is why i rely on good old fashioned knives and poison
ALLEGEDLY
FancyShark
Frank can't believe these idiots wouldn't use a knife
Badgerman
"Suppose we ram him"
"That would kill us"
"Only if we die"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
God Curt is just the worst assassin.
FancyShark
Joe learned everything from Con Air
gellaho
This ghostwriter is just going to use every type of plural and possessive he can
FancyShark
The hit man
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
He should try Brandersez, because its got a z and that makes it 90s as fuck.
Badgerman
It's been two words the whole book and it lowkey pisses me off
Rachel
Yeah me too
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
But not Branderzez, because that makes it ZZ Topp as fuck.
gellaho
Well then
FancyShark
I'm assuming if he uses the same version of Branders more than once, it summons the demon to drag him back to hell?
Rachel
It should be the hit-man roll
Rachel
Im trying hon
1000 Space GDCs
Brandon Sanders'ssons's
FancyShark
Curt died as he lived: a complete failure of an assassin
Rachel
angry javo noises
gellaho
I bet the kids had a great time reading this
gellaho
Had a great night's sleep
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Yeah after getting foiled by the fucking Hardy boys, I would just stay on board my exploding boat and let Death take me.
FancyShark
"I hope you liked that Hardy Boys book I got you for your birthday!"
Rachel
In my head he delivers tha line like kevin costner in waterworld mourning his boat
Badgerman
Boy, we solved the shit out of this mystery
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I mean you should have found at least BITS of him.
FancyShark
Nope. Dolphins.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Theres bound to be one playing with his severed head like a ball.
gellaho
"Chuffing?" Eat a dick, you limey bastard
1000 Space GDCs
Frank called off the search after 30 seconds, because he was hungry
Rachel
that helicopter is just chuffed to make it into the novel
Badgerman
"Splashing", that classic spotlight sound
FancyShark
Jamming their cameras and mikes into any opening they could find
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Fuck you, ghostwriter, the only things that chuff in Gods America are the tigers we keep illegally.
gellaho
"This is the third explosion which yanked me from slumber"
FancyShark
"Frank bubbled his way down the block, dancing and gargling with concentration"
Rachel
then the two television crews fought like in the hit film anchorman
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Man if only someone hucked a trident in this book.
Badgerman
This dialogue is fucking transcendent
FancyShark
"I should have known an idiot died tonight"
gellaho
There's Frank the sociopath
gellaho
Kevin just behind him, sobbing
Rachel
"I'm gonna sleep soundly from here on out," said Con, drawing his gun on the boys.
Badgerman
Hooey, I say. Hooey!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Yeah to be fair, international assassins in the process of doing a murder dont really count for public safety concerns in terms of "keep casualties low."
FancyShark
"I mean, there's not enough left to call him a person anymore"
Rachel
No one who growls has ever said Hooey.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Balderdash is more of a growly word.
gellaho
And on which side is the one called Kevin?
Badgerman
His own, mostly
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"What? Oh he was just doing pranks. Like arson and kidnapping. No big deal there, right, officer?"
Rachel
"This police shit is hard. Teenage boys, do i give this son of a bitch a medal or a bullet?"
gellaho
I foresee fines
1000 Space GDCs
Constantine Riley just wants teens to do his job for him.
FancyShark
"Depends. He seems to support anyone he thinks is a thief"
Badgerman
Conbaby really peering into the crystal ball for this one
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Bayport PD is really ahead of their time with defunding their police department, since two teen boys seem to solve all the crimes. Officer Con probably just does paperwork.
Rachel
Conneticut Riley is the worst fortune teller in Kirkland.
gellaho
Wakka wakka
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
He's only half Irish after all.
FancyShark
Aunt Gertrude is a gorgon
Rachel
Annnnnnd freezeframe
Badgerman
๐ŸŽบ Brrrradada-dada-da! ๐ŸŽต
gellaho
We have defeated The Hardy Boys Casefiles โ„ข๏ธ #30: The Deadliest Dare
Badgerman
<iris wipe gets caught around Joe's neck>
FancyShark
We did it!
1000 Space GDCs
Aunt Gertrude's solution for everything is cod liver oil.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
If the manga is any indication Aunt Gertrude has what my grandpappy would call "A body made for sin."
Rachel
I want to thank gellaho
gellaho
So concludes the 77th Edition of The Book Cage
1000 Space GDCs
Thanks everyone, as usual.
Rachel
And to a slightly lesser extent, all of you other lovely folks and animals
FancyShark
Thank you everyone!
Great riffs, all!
Rachel
A pleasure as always
Badgerman
Great way to end the week, gang!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Good way to spend a Friday night.
FancyShark
Thank you, @gellaho !
I can't wait to hear all of your chapters for Hardyween!
Rachel
Remember to have your Hardy's spayed and/or neutered.
1000 Space GDCs
Thanks to everyone condemning this book to book jail.
FancyShark
And if you see a Callie, just remember she's as scared of you as you are of her
Agent of Fortune
Thanks Gellaho!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Wear gloves and wash your hands while handling a wild Callie, they dont carry rabies but are prone to ticks and fleas.
Badgerman
The Hardies have names.