78: 62 The Apeman's Secret Franklin W. Dixon

gellaho

Twist

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

That limo is gonna stay on that beach forever more than likely. Terrible traction in sand.

FancyShark

This dude fucking walks

gellaho

Gottem

Rachel

academically fascinating and existentially terrifying, thank you

Badgerman

Oh so now B&E is okay

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

"HE's GOT SIX LEGS UNDER THERE! HES A CRAB MAN! GIT EM!"

Rachel

America's consistent love of horrible evil is the one constant in my life

Brendan

Inside America are two wolves. And we will skin them both to protect our cattle.

gellaho

Alright, none of that

Rachel

oh man all that mass on those tiny tires? It would be buried

FancyShark

I'll never understand how rubber masks work like the most expensive prosthetics when they're little more than plastic bags without warning labels

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

It's gonna become a home for beach foxes or what have you.

Rachel

Im sorry i know there's good in america

There's the Hardy's

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

We keep it in the back next to the pickled hogs feet.

gellaho

Not in the Cage

LyraV

Beach Foxes! Hooray!

Badgerman

Have we ever met Rollo before or is this our first time

gellaho

Triple gasp

Brendan

They're actually called the Carl's Jr. Brothers in most of the south.

FancyShark

This is not the time for edging, Joe

gellaho

There is a picture of this, and it is fantastic

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Its ALWAYS time for edging.

Rachel

That's what carl's jr. is?!

FancyShark

Vern Kelso. I should have known.

Rachel

This is like i found out eb is gamestop

Badgerman

Haha what the fuck? Vern was just here the whole time?

FancyShark

It's true!

gellaho

Bet you didn't think there'd be this much Joe ass

Badgerman

My god

Rachel

didn't dare dream

Badgerman

Well, we know where all that Devil's food cake went

FancyShark

Ah yes, the pioneer school marm outfits of the 1980s

1000 Space GDCs

Usually that angle is reserved for Catwoman.

gellaho

She was living with a weird cult, so it kind of makes sense

Rachel

is that the original james bond behind her

FancyShark

ooo, right

Rachel

We've all been there too.

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Oh god lets hope not.

FancyShark

Let's hope Vern is carrying Chet's comic, too. The fat will slow him down.

gellaho

Gave vent to his emotion

Badgerman

And Mickey Rudd was inside!

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

"ART DISTRACTION TECHNIQUE!"

It's less economical than pocket sand but gets the job done.

gellaho

Leapin' Lizards

Rachel

I forgot they have a kelso

Brendan

Leapin' lizard grasshopper apemen!

FancyShark

They were astonished to find him carrying the only possible thing he would be carrying in the folder

Rachel

Better tell fez about what happened with hyde, yeesh

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Holy shit Apeman is ........ like one of any number of characters in real life comics!

gellaho

I think he was already illustrating children's books. Zing!

FancyShark

BOOM

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

I mean.......he failed to protect his copyright, you were in the clear, my guy.

What a pointless crime.

FancyShark

Nope. Cults and apes.

Only way.

LyraV

Leaping Jupiter Lizards Fellows

Rachel

Who are we to judge?

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

I dont even need to know how the cult and this were connected, its better this way.

Badgerman

So the apeman's secret was fucking copyright infringement all the time?

FancyShark

This is definitely one of the most over-complicated plots we've found

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

lmao IT IS!

Badgerman

Jesus, book, tell me to drink my ovaltine while you're at it

FancyShark

You asked and the monkey's paw curled

gellaho

So, Rudd stole the idea. Then tried to steal the art multiple times to cover that up. Then the TV executive used a disgruntled actor to also cover it up because he was worried about the show falling apart

Brendan

I can tell you from exhaustive research there are about 12 golden age comic heroes and three silver age additions.

Badgerman

Just. Just fucking buy the rights to the character, guys.

Brendan

You've got detective, space ace, fighter pilot, he-man, spy, G-man...

Badgerman

What the fuck are you doing

Brendan

I assure you there are forty Apemen out there.

LyraV

Exhaustingly AWESOME research.

gellaho

Houseman-chauffeur

godless juice jakesy

Badgerman

YOU OWN A LIMO

gellaho

And here are the cuties

FancyShark

This book should be called First World Problems

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

"Oh my troubles! My houseman/chauffeur got sick! I had to TALK TO POORS to get a replacement!"

1000 Space GDCs

I lost the plot here. Just tell Fenton who needs to be waterboarded

FancyShark

Let me bring you a chair that you may faint into!

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Is Noah going to just machine gun everyone to death?

gellaho

WHAT THE FOOLS DON'T REALIZE

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Be real funny if by the time they ungag Sue shes like "Yeah I like being in the sex cult, you guys need to fuck off."

FancyShark

Y-you were going to sell a comic book to foreign agents to fund your sex cult?

Badgerman

What the fuck is happening

Brendan

Reverse Argo!

1000 Space GDCs

Shh. Don't interrupt the villain when he's monologuing

gellaho

The cultists also decided to do Apeman pranks independently

Brendan

This is scientology.

They live on a boat Sea Org, they infiltrate the powerful to blackmail their secrets.

FancyShark

It's a shame. You pick up an adorable cultie and bring it home and before you know it it's all grown up and pulling out electrical wires

gellaho

Just know these explanations go on for a long time

Badgerman

Fuck dude we sure are

FancyShark

This is the Yakuza 4 of Hardy books

gellaho

It's a rumble!

FancyShark

I know several people won't get that joke, but sometimes I have to tell one for me

gellaho

Rumble over

1000 Space GDCs

The yanks won't get the bedlam reference, ghostwriter.

FancyShark

"Thanks, Father!"

Badgerman

I like how Fenton just showed up

FancyShark

"I'm not paying you"

gellaho

Then we get a mysterious vision of the future

Badgerman

Just dropped in from offscreen

LyraV

Now that you've cleaned up my cases you'll have to clean up...YOUR ROOMS

Badgerman

The Mummy Case? really? swing and a miss

FancyShark

BWAAAAAA?!

gellaho

Sad trombone

Badgerman

Always has been, Chet

FancyShark

You have to show them their errors, Chet. Show them with fire.

1000 Space GDCs

Fat boy? Jesus Christ, ghost writer.

gellaho

Time for a fat party

Brendan

What is Friar Tuck doing aboard the Enterprise?

LyraV

He just won't let up on this kid.

FancyShark

FAT PARTY!

I think Peter David was less cruel to kids he hated

Badgerman

His name is a Cyrano Jones and he sells Tribbles

gellaho

We have defeated The Hardy Boys ®️ #62: The Apeman's Secret

FancyShark

We did it!

Badgerman

bruh

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Hambone has instructed me to say this: The Ed Hardy Boys.

gellaho

So concludes the 78th Edition of The Book Cage

LyraV

This is my new favorite cover.

gellaho

But before we go, I'm something of an Apeman myself

And I have a secret of my own

Brendan

Later that night, Chet discoed on the dance floor with all his friends, bouncing jollily to the beat.

gellaho

https://youtu.be/b54f0CrPBu4

Happy Halloween

Brendan

The month was January. The year, 1980. Disco would never die.

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Thank youuuuuuu!

FancyShark

:yee:

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Y'all I was having a real time tonight and y'all made it better with your riffs and comradeship. Thanks.

FancyShark

YEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Brendan

:headbanging like the villain in a Jack chick comic:

I ADORE THIS MUSIC! Through it Satan gives me power!

1000 Space GDCs

If any book deserves book jail it's this one. Good work everyone.

Brendan

Each Hardy character killed is a sacrifice to The Dark One!

FancyShark

Killer riffs, everyone!

Brendan

is anyone else getting a New Zealand tourism video as the recommended viewing?

Juho

Thank you!

FancyShark

Thank you, @gellaho !

godless juice jakesy

Brendan

You've outdone yourself again, Gellaho.

Badgerman

I don't know why "horseman chauffeur" broke me so hard.

I just

The dude had a limo

Brendan

May the Hraby Jr. boys ever hit the lightswitch on your assassins rather than discover your tastefully executed corpse.

FancyShark

Have a great night, everybody. Hope to see you all tomorrow for Fight Night!

Badgerman

FIGHT NIGHT