gellaho
Chet shows up to the house and he's doing great
79: The Hardy Boys Casefiles #39: Flesh and Blood Franklin W. Dixon
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Time is always too short when your life is on the life.
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FancyShark
Chet, you walked from the car to here. Are you okay?
Badgerman
"AH EHT A BEHBEY"
gellaho
Sick, fat fight on tape
FancyShark
CHET FIGHT!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
He did it without eating an entire chicken so no.
gellaho
Well, Chet had it for a second
Badgerman
Two hardened combatants unleashing all their 'soomoo' skills
FancyShark
KIRK DOUBLE FIST!
Badgerman
"Something about the voice sounded familiar", thought the one character who just explained the twist
FancyShark
This same fight happens every day at at least one buffet
gellaho
And that's how Callie met Chuck Lorre
Badgerman
Chet is the undisputed champion of the Golden Corral Royal Rumble
FancyShark
Don't you dare put her on that horrible show, you monster
Rachel
Ughhh id rather die than appear alongside sheldon cooper
Agent of Fortune
Hissssssss
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
With that, Mangieri is the worst Hardy Boys villain.
gellaho
Frank just gaslighting Joe now
FancyShark
Chet...ANGRY
Badgerman
THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU BRING THAT UP EARLIER
FancyShark
Chet...kill?
Badgerman
Argh argh argh. Hate murder kill
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Frank.........you already said it was Don,........you fucker, did you know from the beginning?
Badgerman
Awful, horrible plot
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Frank knew the entire three years Don has lived there ......
FancyShark
Badgerman
Fucking Frank is the real villain of this story
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I'm beginning to think Mock didn't kill that cop.
FancyShark
How many bodies was it going to take to share that info, Frank?
1000 Space GDCs
At least 3 Callies.
gellaho
The boys decide their best option is the destroyed buildings downtown that have been posted as off limits. As usual, they are the masters of stealth
FancyShark
They strap stealth bike horns to their feet
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Van chase with the Bayport PD!
Badgerman
The tornado paid off the cops too?!
gellaho
This seems like a great idea
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Their crime van has a reserve tank?!
Badgerman
When time and speed are of the essence, siphon gas into your friend's shitty '48 Pontiac.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Fuckin what?
FancyShark
You are continuously followed by explosions, but sure, mess with gasoline
gellaho
Chet's dad is apparently really into stealing gas
Badgerman
For those really long van chases
FancyShark
hahaha, Chet got you good, Joe
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
It was the 90s stealing gas was the done thing
Badgerman
If Chet had gotten Frank to drink gas instead and this was payback for the birth certificate thing I would have forgiven everything
FancyShark
To be fair, Joe, you didn't exactly hesitate
Badgerman
He was still hungy!
1000 Space GDCs
...No one asked you to do that, Joe.
gellaho
The most devious of all detective's tools: a public phone book
Badgerman
Now they go to every house with a Mangieri listed and execute the occupants like the Terminator
FancyShark
Creeps hang with creeps. That's why sex offenders are so popular in prison
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Wait you didn't even figure out where he lived already? The fuck, Hardy boys.
Badgerman
If you're all in solitary confinement you're still technically all together, right?
gellaho
Chet works great as a door ram
FancyShark
Once Chet starts moving, you can't stop him
It's physics
gellaho
There it is
Badgerman
YES
FancyShark
Weird coincidence
oh wait, cuz of the bomb
1000 Space GDCs
Chet's usenet handle is xX_Unstoppable_Force_420_Xx
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Finally, sweet release!" Frank breathed.
gellaho
Seems like a very advanced technique for Evil Chet
BlindMonkey
Art.
LyraV
Callie should know better than to move.
Badgerman
If it can just go off for whatever reason the author feels like, isn't it really just one reason?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Mangieri is one of those Operation Gladio kids you hear tell about
FancyShark
That bomb seems like it'd take a lot of practice to set up
BlindMonkey
Terror rehearsals are a pain
gellaho
There's no way Frank knows how to throw a football
1000 Space GDCs
Mangieri has dressed up as Heath Ledger's Joker for Halloween every year since the movie was released.
FancyShark
A friendly dog brings the bomb back
Badgerman
It sounds cool when you put it like this but the ghostwriter is tastefully omitting the nerdy "NYEHHH" Frank made when he threw the bomb
gellaho
A rare inaccurate cover. I am very disappointed
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Okay but the trigger didn't go off from yeeting the fucker but it would have if Callie moved?
FancyShark
Good thing Frank chucked it into that playground outside
Badgerman
Well, it did go off when he moved it, from a certain point of view
gellaho
(1) This is inside a house? (2) Joe definitely isn't involved in this at all. (3) Where is my precious fat boy?
Badgerman
Fuck them kids
gellaho
There's like a steel door surrounded by stone in that picture
1000 Space GDCs
Callie is rocking a sweet sweatervest, though.
FancyShark
They can't put Chet on a cover. They would have to either make it a foldout or admit he's Fabio
Badgerman
Chet was with reflex fast enough to turn his head, that's why he's not on he cover
FancyShark
I could have sworn she was a brunette
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
This is a complex bomb. Either bobby or Mangieri is wasting their time blowing up cops for vengeance when they could be doing it for fat stacks.
gellaho
Gross
FancyShark
Frank recoils at this organic contact
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
They like to remix her hair color every few iterations.
gellaho
She's blonde. Most of the time anyway
Badgerman
"Or my Pizza King", Frank added, and Frenched Chet for much longer and harder
gellaho
There's a very confusing paragraph in the first book
FancyShark
Wait, now I get it. Mock must've gone through a few Callies setting up the bomb
Badgerman
Oh just the one?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Joe just kind of tries not to look Chet in the eye right now.
gellaho
I'm with Callie, it's a very weird thing to say
Badgerman
They did not call it that, lads
Rachel
uh
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Fuck off it's not called blood law you nerd.
Rachel
no that's dumb
1000 Space GDCs
Yeah, I'm pretty sure weregild was a thing
FancyShark
Joe learned his history from a metal album
gellaho
Somebody has short brown hair, it's either Iola or Callie. I put the paragraph in the movie
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Also Frank under that law you'd owe him fucking money you dork.
gellaho
Based on what little I know about Mangieri, that seems unlikely
Badgerman
Jesus, pick a fucking reveal, author
FancyShark
Photographers do like to make bombs
1000 Space GDCs
not everything is about you, joe
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Joe. You fucking dumbass.
gellaho
Joe smash
FancyShark
Neither of them liked actually solving a problem
Badgerman
You can tell because their characters are so different!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Joe, what exactly do you do, detective wise?
Badgerman
who does
1000 Space GDCs
Joe likes to Chet his way through a problem.
gellaho
Con is the world's largest door mat
Badgerman
Man, when you're the title character and you can't even rightly call it Joeing through a problem, something's gone wrong in your life
FancyShark
btw, did we lose @BlindMonkey ? If so, thank you for dropping in, Dennard!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Just asking because you got your ass handed to you by a short fat kid dressed like a Power Rangers comedic relief villain and now you think he's a criminal mastermind.
Badgerman
"T'would be easier to deliver the moon for ye, laddie!"
BlindMonkey
I'm in and out, last minute shopping bits
This is fantastic though
FancyShark
Right on
Badgerman
Oh shit, hello Dennard!
gellaho
Alright, this is my new favorite scene transition
1000 Space GDCs
Con will remember that Frank forgot Stan's name.
BlindMonkey
I never knew how explosive centric Hardy life was
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Lol of course it's this late in the book before Dead Partner gets named.
Badgerman
Don. Buddy. You had them dead to rights. Just open fire, my man
gellaho
There's an entire book based around computers exploding via viruses
FancyShark
There's a explosion-minimum to these books that is insane
1000 Space GDCs
These children suffer so much head trauma.
BlindMonkey
Their bones must be soft jam
Badgerman
Their entire bodies have built in crumple zones
gellaho
Don is ready to go to hell tonight
1000 Space GDCs
The average brain injury per hardy per book is greater than one.
FancyShark
Joe is immortal. Frank's a robot. It used to be a running joke but now it's the only possible explanation
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Frank is some kind of man borg so his bones are fine, structurally speaking
Badgerman
Just shoot, coward
The Hardies are just as tired of their lives as you are
FancyShark
Pointing a gun at a Hardy triggers the monologue chromosome
gellaho
THIS GUN PROVES MY INNOCENCE
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Take the shot, pussy. You'll miss like you did last time.
FancyShark
"I-I just...WILL YOU TWO LOOK AFTER MY CAT WHILE I'M OUT OF TOWN?! Huh, I feel better now."
gellaho
So, I decided to shoot you, I guess
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"I JUST THINK YOU SHOULD COME TO GAME NIGHT! WE HAVE CATAN!"
Badgerman
"YOU HAVE TO PET HIM THE WAY HE LIKES! AND TELL HIM HE'S A PRETTY LITTLE KITTY! YOU SAY IT OR I'LL BLOW YOUR FUCKING HEADS OFF!!"
FancyShark
"I admit it. I'm only trying to use you to get close to Chet."
1000 Space GDCs
Don noticed how everyone in the hardy's orbit ends up dead and was willing to kill to save himself
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"He's the Pizza King. Gotta kiss that ring, you know what I mean?"
gellaho
Why did this happen? Who knows
FancyShark
"I understand your pointing a rifle at us. Everyone has that reaction."
Badgerman
I've never seen a clearer case of NaNoWriMo padding
gellaho
Somebody did not like this page
Badgerman
Oh shit
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Aw poor book.
BlindMonkey
I hate pointing a gun at the wrong person. Ruins my afternoon.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
😢
Badgerman
It's not its fault it was written the way it was
1000 Space GDCs
The ghostwriter went around to every library in the country to cut out the most embarassing part
gellaho
NAMESSSSSSSSSS
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
It's only the wrong person if they are alive to testify against you.
FancyShark
The shift key earned its keep that paragraph
Badgerman
God almighty, just say "the kids" or "the team"
gellaho
This book is weird
1000 Space GDCs
I'm glad we were all made aware of the travel arrangements. I'm sure that will come up later
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"He keeps them in this little case on a chain."
Badgerman
"He's got the eyes of a cat! He keeps them in a little glass jar in the back of the closet!"
Fuck, scooped
FancyShark
hahaha, did someone cut the page to prevent kids from learning how to break a window?
Badgerman
Haha holy shit that might have been it
LyraV
Someone has tried to punch glass with their hand glass wrapped in a hankerchief and lost their shit when they read another person advocating for it, had to rip the page.
Badgerman
Fucked up their hand and their best hankie. Someone had to pay
FancyShark
So help me god, if they didn't get full coverage...
gellaho
So, looking for someone with a mustache
1000 Space GDCs
Also teens in the 90s all carried handkerchiefs, right?
Badgerman
Y'all mistook a twelve year old for a toddler?
Come on, gang. Come the fuck on.
gellaho
Excuse me, how big?
FancyShark
In a brilliant trick, Bobby Mock is like Benjamin Button. They're looking for a zygote
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Yeah to go with their ascots and vests. What else?
Badgerman
Hahaha whaaaaat?!?
FancyShark
That's a fucking endtable
Badgerman
That's not a book, that's a medieval grimoire
1000 Space GDCs
Mrs. Hardy hates it when Fenton calls it his old case log.
gellaho
Gasp! Not the police officer they barely introduced this book!
Badgerman
You gonna get your fucking horseman-chauffeur to carry this very normal case book around, you extremely believable teenagers in this extremely believable town? Fuck you.
FancyShark
Fenton hates it when she calls it his cold case file
Badgerman
Oh come on.
FancyShark
NOT-
who?
1000 Space GDCs
He slept on the couch for a week after she called it a red herring.
gellaho
To be fair, he was in more of the book. But he was also fairly inconsequential so he got skiiippppeeed
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Hahaha fuck you book. You set up a red herring but didn't earn your reveal.
Badgerman
I think it would still be just as underwhelming tbh
Badgerman
It set up like three red herrings and undid every one of them almost as soon as it introduced them
FancyShark
It's even better that the writer couldn't make the character interesting enough for us to notice
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Classic "it was just some asshole!" Stuff.
Badgerman
I've never seen anything like it
FancyShark
The best mysteries end with a shrug
gellaho
This was his grand introduction on page 11
gellaho
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Like the ghostwriter read a lot of Sherlock Holmes and was like "oh I can just make a guy up, huh?" But didn't understand why Doyle works.
gellaho
Now, I haven't read all previous 38 books. But I am fairly certain this is the first time he appeared
Badgerman
Oh right. His "distinctive" white blond hair and 357 magnum. The clues were there all along
FancyShark
Hold the fuck on
He's a cop and he wore a ski mask to get into the hospital?
gellaho
"Whaaaaaat?"
FancyShark
He made himself MORE conspicuous?
gellaho
Don't worry about it
FancyShark
Joe, keep up
1000 Space GDCs
To be fair, that's a hard sentance to parse
Badgerman
Fuck you, Joe.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Now him missing Frank at short range makes a lot more sense.
gellaho
Joe is very smart
Badgerman
Hand it back to me so I can put my fingerprints on it too
FancyShark
Someday we need to determine why "snub-nosed .38" was determined to be the gun of choice by crime novelists
gellaho
Luckily Stewart is also very dumb
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Neither Hardy boy has ever successfully used a firearm to my knowledge. Every time they think to it's empty
1000 Space GDCs
The more I notice it, the weirder it is that every gun needs to be identified by caliber.
gellaho
Jesus
FancyShark
Second time that gun's exploded
Badgerman
Can't afford the brand names
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
It was a cheap and easily accessible gun, the Saturday Night Special.
gellaho
What do you mean, "grazed her temple?"
FancyShark
Welp, that Callie's good as mulch
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
It was like THE crime gun for decades
FancyShark
It only slightly killed her
gellaho
Yeah, not like that's bone near your brain
Like grazing your upper ribs
What could possibly go wrong
1000 Space GDCs
Joe's broken those bones hundreds of times
Badgerman
Joe doesn't have anything important behind those bones
FancyShark
They need to make a Callie model that has her organs in her shoes or something
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
They'll just have to decant a new Callie.
gellaho
Stewart has decided full madness is the best way to go
FancyShark
Huh, I guess he's a real cop
gellaho
There are somehow still 27 pages left in this
LyraV
Well that's a terrible plan but whatever.
Badgerman
Con flew backward like Gene Hackman in The Quick and the Dead
gellaho
Kicked out at two
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Make sure you sprinkle some crack on Frank to make it believeable
1000 Space GDCs
And maybe shoot a dog to be safe
gellaho
God damn you, dived
FancyShark
Now a full chapter of Con Riley beating Stewart into paste
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Irish last name vs English last name! To the death!
gellaho
Good news, everything is fine
Badgerman
Check Riley? I thought he was Irish
gellaho
Later: bed time
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Yeah of course he was wearing a vest, Joe. You goob.
FancyShark
The fact that he never offered you two vests should be a hint
gellaho
The next morning; they discover an answering machine message that reveals Stewart left their parents a dastardly answering machine message
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
You'd think as often as they are shot at they'd know to have their own.
LyraV
a Chief among Lice
gellaho
But more importantly, this asshole didn't write snuck
FancyShark
Meanwhile, Fenton is getting a handy in the stall of a truckstop
Badgerman
Yeah, go in without backup to catch an armed suspect
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Booooo crucify the writer! #snucknotsneaked!
gellaho
Thanks, there's no way I could figure out it was a truck stop on my own
FancyShark
Not West of Bayport Truck Stop? You sicken me, writer
Badgerman
Trucker's Pit Stop was a truck stop, a stop for trucks where trucks could stop
1000 Space GDCs
There was also a pit, but no one liked to talk about that.