Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
It was different from The Trucker Pits, a notorious gay dive bar in Downtown Bayport.
79: The Hardy Boys Casefiles #39: Flesh and Blood Franklin W. Dixon
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Time is always too short when your life is on the life.
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gellaho
This is a strange series of events
1000 Space GDCs
That was across the street from the Bayport Gay Dive Bar.
gellaho
Badgerman
What, they didn't just ram him?
FancyShark
Mangieri needs to work on his alibi
gellaho
Ending with Frank trying to punch a window
Badgerman
You gotta wrap your hankie round your fingers first, dummy
FancyShark
I hate when luggage gets to ride up front
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Lol the idea Mangieri overpowered Fenton and stuffed him in a trunk is delightful
gellaho
Was that tree branch also a ramp?
1000 Space GDCs
Joe keeps underestimating Mangieri like people kept underestimating Butterbean
BlindMonkey
Okay, how many books into Hardydom is this
Badgerman
If anything it should have flipped onto its front and crashed horribly
BlindMonkey
I'm astounded by how far gone this series' mind is
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Ah yes, the famous New England Angular Maple.
FancyShark
We kinda jump all over the place
But this is book 39?
gellaho
39. There are over 120. So we are early
BlindMonkey
I love this world
gellaho
And this one doesn't even have any clones or fart cannons
LyraV
If only the consequence of this could somehow be Joe getting knocked out by Butterbean.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I haven't been doing this for as long but I've never seen one that wasn't batshit insane.
Badgerman
Excuse me, fart cannons?
gellaho
So, I gotta go back to this paragraph. It is important you know how impressive this van is
FancyShark
Gellaho has links to the previous reads, if you ever feel like checking those out. But we do this every Friday! Hardy reads are some of the best. You're always welcome to join us!
gellaho
There was a cannon used in by a South American dictator that ran off methane
Badgerman
W—
You know what? Sure.
FancyShark
Now you get it
gellaho
The impressive van struggles to hit eighty
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
The Hardy Boys are kinda Jason Bourne Babies.
FancyShark
The van is the Chet of vehicles
Badgerman
The Millennium Shitbird
1000 Space GDCs
It's still in third, Joe.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Man I love their fuckin Turtle Wagon van
gellaho
Nevertheless, Mangieri decides to eat shit
FancyShark
This wins
Badgerman
Every LA Noire chase was like this
The baddies magically always stayed ahead until they fucking crash into some shit
gellaho
Rad
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Hey uh........you guys maybe wanna not smash into the car you think your dad is in the trunk of?
Badgerman
Just Thelma & Louise it straight into the divider, boys
gellaho
Damn you branch ramp!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Or do. I'm sure Fenton has a substantial life insurance policy.
FancyShark
If we get another book that ends with a hitman dying in a fireball of their own making, I will sleep with a smile tonight
1000 Space GDCs
They spent so much time fine tuning their engine they forgot to replace the brake pads
Badgerman
A small oil drenched twig, Frank. Jesus, ain't you the smart one?
FancyShark
They didn't notice they'd circled around the block
gellaho
Sure, why not
1000 Space GDCs
The narrator tells us the van is awesome but shows us it's a shitpile.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
An.......old Guard armory.
FancyShark
Because you can just walk in to the National Guard Armory
Badgerman
The National Bayport Guard Armory
Badgerman
Yeah, it's like a Fallout dungeon
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Yeah they just abandon those all the time.
gellaho
Gotta wonder how Fenton got caught by Mangieri
FancyShark
Mangieri must've told Fenton he wanted to play a prank on the boys
gellaho
If a place is old, you are allowed to do whatever you want with it
Badgerman
That must have been some bathroom handy
gellaho
That's the law
LyraV
Tricked him with Free Samples.
1000 Space GDCs
Joe bashed his head in with a clock, that was the cleverest thing he'll ever say.
gellaho
What a search
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Fenton pops out of the trunk, smiling and says "You boys sure weren't prepared for me to be kidapped! You have to be on your guard!"
gellaho
Stewart has gone fully insane
Badgerman
He's got to cycle the hammer and you're already halfway to him. Fucking split up and bum rush him already
He's gone full Bobby Kindergarten
1000 Space GDCs
Take a drink every time they say .357 magnum
gellaho
Stewart seems like a well adjusted young man
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Frank and Joe have never seen Surviving Edged Weapons. In this situation they don't know a gun haver is already practically dead.
Badgerman
Well it wouldn't be a rifle grip, now would it
FancyShark
Suddenly, his father's cancer bursts through the door and tackles him, wrestling the gun away before it can fire
gellaho
This ghostwriter has a very weird idea of how guns work
Badgerman
Beloved side character Toomey the Tumor!
FancyShark
It's not a tumor. It's Justice.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Hey Carl? Just a quick note, when you write that a gun explodes you realize people don't think it's been fired, right?"
gellaho
Joe's in a fight to the death, and Frank's just untying knots
FancyShark
Guns only explode. Grenades shoot bullets.
Badgerman
A fight to the death tailored for their individual builds
gellaho
These books are the best
gellaho
Trying to establish this dark mood => hot cocoa
Badgerman
Oh thank goodness. For a minute there I thought he might really have been in trouble
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
There's bourbon in that coffee?
FancyShark
WBAY broadcasts out of Houston, but they get complaints if they don't say Bayport
gellaho
Enter Chet, followed by giant sandwich
FancyShark
hahahahaha
Badgerman
Remember when this book was about Chet betraying everybody
LyraV
Chet must CONSUME
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Girthy sandwich.
FancyShark
Joe, you used a mixing bowl for cereal. Shut your damn mouth.
gellaho
And we end with a fun news prank
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
He's fuckin jealous.
Badgerman
Man. What a note to end on
FancyShark
The families still waiting for word of whether their loved ones survived the tornado do not appreciate Callie's broadcast
1000 Space GDCs
Freeze frame as Joe starts chasing Callie around a couch
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Freeze frame as Joe belts Callie across the jaw.
1000 Space GDCs
Meanwhile, Bayport buries their dead
gellaho
We have defeated The Hardy Boys Casefiles ™️ #39: Flesh and Blood
FancyShark
We did it!
Badgerman
One of the Hardy Boys Casefiles of all time
FancyShark
Outstanding riffs, everybody!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Enjoy captivity, book.
gellaho
So concludes the 79th edition of The Book Cage
FancyShark
@1000 Space GDCs , you stole the show tonight
gellaho
'Til Monday
LyraV
This was so awesome, thank you everyone!
FancyShark
@BlindMonkey , please join us for more readings!
1000 Space GDCs
Aww, thanks.
BlindMonkey
Absolutely
The Hardy laughs flow freely
Badgerman
I cannot fucking wait to find out what Book Cage The Movie entails
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
It's a fine way to spend a Friday evening.
1000 Space GDCs
Thanks everyone, we were all on fire tonight,
FancyShark
Have a great night, everybody! Hope to see you all at the meat party tomorrow and/or Tommy's movie on Sunday!
And thank you again, @gellaho ! You are a hero
Brendan
What was the broad view?
FancyShark
The writer made reveal after reveal and none of them really had an impact because there was no time between setup and payoff. And the real bad guy was a random cop who was so inconsequential gellaho had skipped the parts where he appeared because they were boring
Juho
Where did the insurance money come in?
FancyShark
IT'S ALWAYS THE INSURANCE MONEY! Except this time it was just some dude? A hitman Fenton Hardy put away years ago swore vengeance on him but got cancer instead. His son swore vengeance and showed up when Fenton was out of town.
FestiveJ(StillEvil)
See, there's an idea for a good twist in there somewhere
i'd say it's maybe one tenth of an idea?
gellaho
Really, the only satisfying ending would have been Con Riley shooting the son
FancyShark
Or Chet tearing him in half
It was sad that Chet lost the fight against Evil Chet, but it also speaks to how nice a guy he is that he can't destroy pure evil when he meets it
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
To be fair Chet was winning before Bobby intervened
Badgerman
I'm still baffled that the author just could not pick a single reveal without trying to swerve the audience
So there were like three reveals that all immediately had the piss taken out of them
John, a mustache and a headband
Just a friendly reminder that there exists at least one Hardy universe where Chet is canonically beautiful.
gellaho
He only showed up the one time, but yeah
Badgerman
Chet, more like Chad