Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Wilikers, this is going to make a neat clipping for the files I keep in a locked box under the bed back home." thought frank.
"Wha.......I got.......shot and you're asking about Checkers?"
82: The Hardy Boys Casefiles #57: Terror on Track Franklin W. Dixon
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Never drop your guard in a fight-or you may get dropped for good!
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1000 Space GDCs
Oh wait, the dog has the virus, it's a The Thing.
Badgerman
Jesus, I think it's serious. Curt can only communicate in monosyllables now.
gellaho
Frank took this information from the man with a headwound as gospel
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Checkers......is..........he's a senior..........dog."
FancyShark
Frank's Idea: A ten-year fixed mortgage
1000 Space GDCs
Frank forgets that normal humans don't shrug off head trauma like Joe
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Andrew..........had.........his.......heart........meds."
Professor Driscoll is going to lose everything. his dog, his son, and I bet his wife divorces him, both for making a deadly virus and for killing their son.
FancyShark
Global armageddon would definitely come up in counseling
gellaho
The ghostwriter briefly forgets that it's "Herman" not "Sherman"
gellaho
Badgerman
"Please, Herman was my father. Call me Sherman."
FancyShark
Herman was sick that day so they called his understudy
Floygwai
For fuck's sake it's on the same page
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Sherman Herman: Train Motherfucker.
Badgerman
Went to a new promotion and had to rebrand to Japanese Herman
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Fridays on HBO.
1000 Space GDCs
Sherman "The Tank" Herman
gellaho
Beyond the Dining Car was the name of my prog band
FancyShark
"I mean, it'd suffocate"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Well its not the first time we looked for a dead dog."
Floygwai
What a coincidence, mine was That Hamburger from the Dining Car
FancyShark
"Not up his ass, Joe."
Brendan
hi
Badgerman
101 Dining Car Hamburger Jokes
1000 Space GDCs
At the end of the dining car is just a sign that says 'here be dragons'
FancyShark
Hi, @Brendan ! Loring is dead. Steiner's evil.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
It's really just Hermans nap space, but the dog kept barking so he had to get DEEP in the caboose.
gellaho
Andrew decided this top secret mission was the best time get a new dog
FancyShark
Puppy!
Brendan
Sad because its owner died.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Andrew died days ago so that puppy definitely needs some food and water and a bath.
FancyShark
Thank you for telling us the puppy was cute, ghostwriter
Badgerman
Nothing better happen to this fucking puppy, ghostwriter.
gellaho
Flawless disguise?
Badgerman
You will be found.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Joe you asshole its a puppy.
Yes, it will piss all over you.
Get used to it. Its not a big deal, youll wash.
FancyShark
Andrew stored a virus in a cage with a puppy. I hope he's burning in hell.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
PUPPY!
gellaho
Hey, look, it's Talia
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
For no fuckin reason too.
gellaho
WHO COULDST HAVE FORESEEN THIS!?
FancyShark
"So are you guys gonna spitroast me or can I just kill you and take the virus?"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Oh golly gosh gee, its the only other named character of note, mysteriously shown up.
Badgerman
Lmao, the dog treats weren't even a color coded puzzle clue, he just had them because he had a puppy he was smuggling
FancyShark
"She's emphasizing words oddly again, Joe"
Badgerman
Don't bother, Talia, we've been trying to keep these dolts in the book cage for ages now. They keep getting out
Floygwai
Goddammit, but Talia al Ghul sounded like such a trustworthy name
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
She has a gun, now Joe and Frank are thinking "Oh she is definitely flirting with us now. We smooove."
gellaho
You planned on questioning him once he was unconscious?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
And like I said, never trust a Talia when capers are afoot.
FancyShark
She's new at this
1000 Space GDCs
Talia got distracted when Andrew climaxed, and forgot to let go
FancyShark
And by "this", I mean she's a dominatrix. The puppy is the real mastermind.
Brendan
My best friend is an event photographer/photojournalist and basically my entire job assisting him was remembering flashes for him.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Doing a Wiccan ritual? Yeah find a Talia. Need someone to tell you about crystals? A Talia will work for that. But if you have a mystery or a murder? That Talia is a bad one.
gellaho
Talia is terrified of old ladies
gellaho
You did a lot of flashing, did you?
Brendan
he lost $3k in equipment letting the tide creep up the beach in PR. He could have brought me along for $500.
FancyShark
Talia fears old women because they remind her of the impermanence of her own youth
And also because they can wither you with a touch
Badgerman
Bruh
Brendan
He was lost in his art
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Talia believes old women can cast the Evil Eye.
And they CAN.
FancyShark
Now I miss my gramma
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Stopped clock and all that.
gellaho
Talia might still be going with Plan A
gellaho
Brendan
which that day was jewelry on swimsuit-clad models so I don't blame him but WHENCE BRENDAN
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Frank: "Tie my brother up.........yeah she is definitely into me."
FancyShark
Talia's throwing mixed signals
Brendan
she'll always be with you. you'll see her every time your children smile or you look up from a sink in the bathroom.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Standard Talia practice.
Badgerman
The gun is just a prop for their roleplay. It adds some zest
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Batman and me were very confused by our respective Talias.
gellaho
Alright, new plan: mass murder
gellaho
Brendan
Talia: the anti-callie?
FancyShark
Thanks, bro. She did damn a loooooooot of heathens
Brendan
Are we building a Dark Avengers??
FancyShark
Damn. She's a freak
gellaho
Fucking weird, ghostwriter
1000 Space GDCs
This is becoming more like a resident evil plot all the time
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Wait........a distraction.......for what?! If you had just cut your losses the Hardys would never have..........fucking Talia.
Badgerman
Why. Why don't you just kill them
Nobody else knows you have the virus
FancyShark
It's the final defense of the Hardys: Stupid Criminals
Badgerman
Fwip, fwip, yoink, bye
gellaho
Jesus, Joe is a dipshit
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Joe and Frank have this resonance with each other, it makes people around them have like a temporary CTE, they are why the government thinks Havana Syndrome is real.
FancyShark
Joe's still thinking about the candy machine
gellaho
Joe still trying to cuck Callie
FancyShark
She already regrets trying to seduce you, Frank
Floygwai
Joe misheard and just assumed everyone was going to get off the train with 'a mild coughing'
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Joe never stops to consider maybe she just wants them both to shit blood and die from the hideously painful fatal infection she is going to unleash.
gellaho
"It's totally unfair and not cool to be honest"
FancyShark
Viruses are the perfect way to cover up you left a train
Floygwai
Yes, nobody will ever find an abandoned train full of corpses
FancyShark
Look at Penn Station
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"How can we be completely ineffective at our jobs if you dont tell us everything? We might help by accident. Now. We heard you found a dog?"
gellaho
Going great so far
FancyShark
How did they escape?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Badgerman
Don't worry about it
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Muscle tensing. And Joe read The Secret.
gellaho
There was a glass bottle they broke and cut themselves free
Badgerman
Did it happen to be full of deadly virus
FancyShark
Nope, just vaccine
Badgerman
Phooey
gellaho
The Fentoncopter appears
FancyShark
Get to da Fenton!
Badgerman
FancyShark
I hope the train's approaching a tunnel
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Its okay boys, I have the vaccine in my Fentonbelt. Here take this Fenton-vaccine spray and get into the Fentoncopter."
gellaho
"Maybe we should have done that three hours ago"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"JESUS CHRIST you made it AIRBORNE?! BY ACCIDENT?!"
FancyShark
"Also, these vials are very porous. Not sure why."
gellaho
I wonder who that is
1000 Space GDCs
Frank noticed the man's ass looked fantastic
gellaho
Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"The lab admins said something about "Glass being too expensive and balsa wood would work fine."
Badgerman
Fenton would have saved us all a lot of time if he'd just capped Driscoll the second he showed up
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I read that as "the butt gun clipped the copter pilot"
gellaho
Oh, hell yes
gellaho
Action Frank
Badgerman
He cleared yards worth of distance in three steps
FancyShark
All this because Driscoll was told to make a scent of Febreeze that didn't make you feel like you were being strangled by a greenhouse
gellaho
Ghostwriter leaning on the children understanding drunken behavior
Brendan
All i know is the professor invented a horrible, world-ending virus, and Talia is removing it from public transit before it reaches a major population center.
FancyShark
"That helicopter's drunk! Just like Daddy!"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"NO we said "fresh Irish grass" not "corpse field in Cambodia". Driscoll you ass, you've cost us billions!"
1000 Space GDCs
This scene would have made a way better cover
gellaho
Not Frank's shins!
FancyShark
"Wait! I have another one! It sloughs off your skin and leaves a scent like a spring rain!"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"ARRRG MY SHINS! I'll never play foosball again!"
FancyShark
Every gun user in this universe has the reaction time of a coma patient
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Also yes, grab the hands of the person piloting the heli, Frank. That wont end badly.
gellaho
"Aw, shucks"
FancyShark
Sure, lady. I'll just leave my bank information with you.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Okay let me get away and I'll give you a handjob."
"Nice try lady, but my hands are already washed!"
"What.........just forget it. I'll go to jail."
gellaho
Uh, oh
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I mean yeah you probably did just build a bioweapon for the US government, Driscoll.
gellaho
"You wouldn't!" he said to the person stealing a deadly virus
FancyShark
Damn, if only the Sergeant had some hilarious element to his name
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
You have become Death, something of something or other.
"And uh......the vaccine is right there, dingus. This is a solved problem."
1000 Space GDCs
Wait, weren't you selling the virus?
Badgerman
Once again I must ask why Talia went full supervillain for no raisin
FancyShark
I'm sure she didn't switch labels to be a dick
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Like I literally cured this virus. You setting it off is just inconvenient."
gellaho
Well, that makes a lot of-wait, what?
Brendan
Can't believe I got snaked on Death Train 2x in a month.
Badgerman
Batman-level deductive reasoning. The Adam West one.
gellaho
Why are they still in the train
FancyShark
It's Death Train AND the deadly virus story in one! Schmitty should read this!
gellaho
Karate,
Badgerman
Just empty the train and drive it out to the middle of nowhere
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Also I thought the virus was airborne? If they put it in the water then they just have to get on the PA and tell people not to drink the train juice.
Badgerman
Fuck yeah, karate. I take it all back
FancyShark
Too bad trains are always a single, solid mass
Sure would be handy if you could unhook the dangerous car
gellaho
It's too bad viruses are invulnerable to explosions and high temperatures
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Man remember when Frank had that death duel with an Asian man who was a martial arts master, and how cool that was?
1000 Space GDCs
I don't think trains generally have a boiler, unless they're steam trains
FancyShark
I'm sorry, author, are we being too sarcastic?
Badgerman
Just fucking throw it off the train you dumbasses
gellaho
Joe knows he cannot die
Badgerman
Wait, fuck, you don't even need to do anything. Just take the blasting cap out.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
If only there were something you could do with many hundred gallons of water contaminated by a virus, but theres no choice but to drink it. Otherwise the terrorists win.
Badgerman
It's only plastic explosive, it can't go off without that
FancyShark
The gorges of the American Midwest
gellaho
That's what they are called, ghostwriter, pass receivers
gellaho
You goddamned nerd
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Joe has to try with ALL his willpower to not simply put the virus vial in his mouth and eat it.
gellaho
And you don't run for field goals
Badgerman
A pass receiver running for a field goal
Holy shit
Couldn't even do a single google
1000 Space GDCs
Sometimes Joe just can't get rid of a bomb
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"SPORTSBALL REFERENCE for you jocks reading Hardy Boys books in 1993!" - The nerd ass ghostwriter.
FancyShark
Are you questioning this writer's research integrity?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
That has to be a deliberate slight, right?
gellaho
Pick one metaphor, please
FancyShark
Tell ya what, you want a real pancake-bomb, you should try my wife's cooking! Heyooo!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Thinking about pancakes made Frank hungry and he decided to huck the bomb before he was tempted to eat it.
gellaho
A mushroom cloud? Really.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Plastic explosives famously being powered by thermonuclear reaction, yes.
1000 Space GDCs
Joe sportses the bomb into the gorge
Badgerman
Jesus Christ, this script is fucking imploding on itself
gellaho
Talia still trying Plan A
FancyShark
"I kicked a three-pointer to Love," Joe thought, sportsingly.
gellaho
I'd give you a D-, Frank
Badgerman
Dead. Like you left him
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I mean who could have guessed shed run into the two least directly horny teen boys on Earth?
gellaho
He dunked the baseball net, he did
FancyShark
He really was the Home Run
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Thats a real sticky wicket hurley!"
gellaho
Ditto
Badgerman
Wuuuump wuuuuuump
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
The next sentence better include an explosion.
FancyShark
Respect to Talia for not giving up
Except when she gave up
Badgerman
Back on the train we go! Duhuhuh
FancyShark
Record scratch
gellaho
So, they ran into these two blonde girls a few times. I didn't mention it because they have nothing to do with the plot
Brendan
Talia is relentless.
FancyShark
She's a Callie after all
Brendan
Huge vat / must pay.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I do love drinks that come from vats.
gellaho
Well, they are how the book ends. Giggling at hot chocolate
Brendan
Is that code?
FancyShark
Laugh and freeze frame to credits
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Sally is not bright, is she?
Badgerman
Everywhere you looook
🎷
FancyShark
Yes, but we can't explain it outside the swamp
gellaho
We have defeated The Hardy Boys Casefiles ™️ #57: Terror on Track
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
You drink the hot chocolate while DEEP in the caboose.
FancyShark
We did it!
1000 Space GDCs
Sally and ruth ask Joe if they know a guy named Chet
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Train was the right choice.
Brendan
Great job running a train on the Hardys, gang!
1000 Space GDCs
Thanks for doing this as usual, everyone
FancyShark
The guy they "could never forget after that crazy weekend"
Great riffing, everyone!
gellaho
Thus concludes the 82nd Edition of The Book Cage
Badgerman
Perfect way to end a Friday, excellent Caging everybody!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Thanks @gellaho, its always a great time.
Brendan
We have an anti-Chet AND anti-Callie. Bring on the Sturdy Boys.
FancyShark
Thank you again, @gellaho !
gellaho
I'm mildly surprised that the evil international espionage organization didn't turn out to be The Assassins
But, then again, this ghostwriter seemed to know jack shit about anything
FancyShark
This plan was too smart for The Assassins
gellaho
I still can't quite believe there was a completely separate Con Riley
Badgerman
It was such an unforced error
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Talia would have gotten away with it if Frank could pick up what she was putting down.
Badgerman
I hope he's not the last
FancyShark
The writer had to have seen the name and not understood the significance
And now, dinner. Have a great night, everyone! Love you all! See you tomorrow for Fight Night!
Brendan
Goodnight, shark. Thank you, Gellaho. Good booking, friends.