Brendan
There is no way that they haven't found a massive porn stash yet.
90: A Hardy Boys and Tom Swift Ultra Thriller #1: Time Bomb Franklin W. Dixon
#1 A Hardy Boys and Tom Swift Ultra Thriller
Tags:
The Year of Pain
An explosive discovery ignites a cosmic countdown to destruction!
Archive
gellaho
A real steal with all that lead
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
I only have coffee table books on Star Wars blueprints and the history of the Federation from Star Trek, so I'm safe
gellaho
Wakka wakka
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
"Ah yes........um........Heil.....Rrrreeeagan?"
FancyShark
Reisenbach really taking his time on the "Summer of Love" section
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
"Sorry I havent caught up on your future customs."
gellaho
"Sure, I'll trust you random teens"
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
Flawless cover, actually
Brendan
Ernst came forward in time? Nah, Ernst, you have to go backwards first and establish a $1 index fund investment
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
Hahaha don't bring up South America, German doctor on the run! What are you doing!!
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
How long until Reisenbach is busted by JCVD for Willful Timery With Intent?
gellaho
Back at home, the wonders of 1992
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
Show him Nintendo and make him die!
FancyShark
"Don't stick your genitals in any of these things. Trust me," says Fenton.
gellaho
But, before the excitement of a fax, GUN PLAY
FancyShark
Oh no!
[Hardys immediately begin fixing sandwiches]
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
Just collapse his brain with Mario Kart.
gellaho
Fenton's Last Stand
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
It's their power up food, like spinach
LyraV
I had to step out to grab dinner, what did I miss?
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
GET TO THE HARDY VAN!
FancyShark
Fenton's gonna die like he always wanted: In a hail of bullets away from his sons
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
GIF
gellaho
Fenton is captured by armored spacemen
gellaho
FancyShark
The Hardys found Reichenbach wandering around from the past and now thugs have kicked in the door to capture him
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
Oh fuck, they have power armor
FancyShark
Klaatu is done fucking around
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
These kids and their dad are so fucking dead
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
Fuck yeah, the Time Swat has arrived.
LyraV
Nice that escalated quickly
GDC
Iron skeleton is a Warhammer as fuck way to describe powered armor
gellaho
Fenton in the dungeon
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
For Fenton it's like coming home
FancyShark
Uh, Fenton. Salt shouldn't stain like that
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
It's absolutely not salt.
GDC
Have any of the hardy books had a section from Fenton's perspective?
gellaho
Fenton master escapist
FancyShark
In a prison cell? It's for sure not salt
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
Fenton is about to play every prisoners favorite game: "Bird shit or jism?"
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
it's always jism
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
Its not a fun game but you take what you can get.
LyraV
Surely he meant sweat stained
FancyShark
"Key chain" and "pocket knife" are his nicknames for Joe and Frank
gellaho
The duplicitous Professor Drake
FancyShark
I'm sure Professor Drake isn't the Black Dragon
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
Upton Sinclair?!
That fiend!
gellaho
Now: holograms
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
Aw I wanted it to be a time travelling Andrew Carnegie.
FancyShark
"You're going to read about meat packing in Chicago and demand reforms!"
LyraV
He's been twirling his moustache the whole time, how could they not have noticed
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
He was doing it under his hologram
FancyShark
Again with the holograms that could render so many technologies obsolete
gellaho
I'm guessing Upton's sticking around
FancyShark
He interfered in a No Interference zone
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
Five yard penalty. Automatic first down.
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
Uhhhh ohhhhhhhh someone is gonna get liquidated.
gellaho
TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNSSSSSSSS!!!
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
TRAP DOOR! ALLIGATOR PIT!
TIME ALLIGATOR PIT!
gellaho
Emperor Drake
FancyShark
YES
FIRE PIT
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
I love a good lasering.
GDC
Classic bumbling henchman execution.
FancyShark
Who knew the secret to making Tom Swift work was characters we don't openly hate and the secret to making Hardy Boys work was making shit happen?
gellaho
You got this, Fenton
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
Should've lightly electrocuted his balls a bit first though. That's the real supervillain move
gellaho
Shit
FancyShark
World's Greatest Detective
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
Hooting
gellaho
Hey!
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
GIF
FancyShark
I love that we're getting actual Fenton stuff
GDC
That's the 'broken out of the supply closet' alarm.
gellaho
Steel Door: the book
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
GIF
FancyShark
SPANG
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
:SteeleYourself: 🚪
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
Remember to serpentine, Fenton.
FancyShark
Fenton kept proper quips for himself
gellaho
I'll be dipped
FancyShark
Nevermind
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
Hahahahha fuck yeah, he found a time machine.
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
GIF
LyraV
Maybe you will buddy people leave death rays just lying around all the time
gellaho
Welp, there goes Fenton
gellaho
They leave their time machines unlocked, so it's a possibility
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
Hahaha fuck yes TIME ESCAPE!!
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
Fenton is enough of a pro to have a time pun ready.
Ozzie
"See you EARLIER!"
gellaho
I wonder what movie that is
FancyShark
Fenton lands in 1892 and resolves to make new sons out of buckets
FancyShark
Zardoz
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
Yeah I love Starcrash too Joe
GDC
Space Mutiny
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
Hahaha the Zardoz rock has its own emote
Fuck yes
Brendan
If you don't use your time machine to feed henchmen to the T. Rex what are you even doing?
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
GIF
Getting so much use out of that GIF today.
Brendan
Fenton's prison break is beat for beat Max's.
gellaho
Frank about to take out the Super Suit
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
STONY FACED
Brendan
Man, Fenton really pulled out all the stops on this particular fake death prank.
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
We summoned it
FancyShark
Robot vs Robot
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
GIF
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
The time travel ARG he set up is a real stumper
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
TEENAGERS and their van! VS! Power armored terrorists!
gellaho
The most advanced technology cannot defeat the most deadly of foes: a tree
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
Classic juke
FancyShark
The Hardys are badass?! What the hell is going on?!
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
Nice.
gellaho
If you thought that was it, no: jet car
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
Did… did we get a ghostwriter who's taking this shit seriously?
Are we that lucky?
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
Fuck yeah high speed chase!
gellaho
Frank & Furious
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
I expect all this action to be followed by Frank and Joe filling out tax forms.
FancyShark
SWEET!
GDC
Van fight!
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
HELL YEAH!
LyraV
DO IT LIVE THE VAN
Brendan
Joe wearing an "I'm with Furious" t-shirt.
gellaho
Van off-roading
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
Joe opens the side door and has an M60 with hi ex rounds.
Brendan
You know boys, most teens would consider themselves lucky to have been in just TWO high-speed car chases before college.
gellaho
Frank riding blind, a classic chess gambit
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
Offroading in a van is pretty sweet.
FancyShark
STILL BEING CHASED. CAN'T TALK RIGHT NOW.
God, this fucking rules
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
Frank going full Van Zatoichi.
GDC
They should have adapted this novel for the TV series.
Brendan
Frank is being really Joe today.
gellaho
Classic Robert Frost, always needed in a car chase
FancyShark
If Chet shows up now and cuts the robot in half with an axe, this will replace Dead of Night as my favorite
Brendan
Chet's already in Alexandria eating extinct species.
gellaho
Zoom zoom
GDC
Dropping poetry references the middle of a van fight is cooler than any hardy book deserves
FancyShark
"Extinct Species" is the translated name of the Alexandrian baroness he met
gellaho
The next day: THE CONSUMPTION MUST BEGIN
FancyShark
Better get our star rating down first
LyraV
Dude I know where you could get some bitchin Van ideas
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
Hahaha I just caught up. this book fucking rules
gellaho
FancyShark
hahaha, awesome!
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
Where the fuck was this level of writing thirty books ago!?
gellaho
Funmobile
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
This writer made the Hardies cool!
GDC
Why did they go with racing stripes and not a sweet dragon?
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
Fuck yes call it a funmobile!!
FancyShark
That's for cruising for not-Callie
Brendan
GOOD he deserves love.
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
I was worried when most of the early book was just plodding time travel setup but I'm 100% on board now. This book whips ass
gellaho
MUST CONSUME
Brendan
I hope he's Justinian and just railing Theodora.
Ozzie
Culling the weak
FancyShark
Attacking those plates like they owe them money
LyraV
Just HAM.
GDC
Risenbach isn't aware how hacky airplane food jokes are now.
LyraV
Like a whole honey roasted ham with your eggs and hotcakes
gellaho
Reisenbach really wants to know what's happening with Batboy
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
Technocriminalsss
Brendan
This dude invented time travel and he can't believe microwaves.
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
We have astrophysicists who are flat earthers. It takes all kinds
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
And they definitely had them in the 60s, like the Japanese army tried to use microwaves to make a death ray.
FancyShark
Show him Goober Grape and he'll write off the future as a doomed hellscape
gellaho
Do the Hardy Boys and Tom Swift meet because of Weekly World News?
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
Anything to stop Godzilla
gellaho
You bet your ass
FancyShark
HAHAHA!
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
Don't ever say tabloids did nothing for us as a society
Ozzie
Tom Swift outmatches the Hardy Boys by so much that he's a conspiracy theory.
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
I mean..........they arent WRONG but they arent quite right.
Brendan
This is libel.
GDC
They're doing the Men In Black approach to tabloids.
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
It's probably Black Dragon propaganda.
gellaho
Looks like one of the Tom Swift books stole Moonraker
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
Which is cool as FUCK.
Hahahaha MOONSTALKER!
GDC
Are these references to books?
Ozzie
Is this just a list of his prior adventures?
gellaho
Yes
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
Moonstalker is such a distinctly non-NASA name for a spacecraft
gellaho
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
CYBORG KICKBOXER
Ozzie
"This guy kicks so much ass that he's a danger to the general public"
Mordred Got the 'Vid 😷
Fire Biker? That's just Ghostrider
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
FIRE BIKER
gellaho
Already read that
LyraV
I remember Cyborg Kickboxer
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
It was cool.
LyraV
The cover was very unique
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
Going straight to the archives after this cage
gellaho
No shit, Joe
FancyShark
Ahhh, there's the idiot we know
GDC
Cyborg Kickboxer is far lamer than you are imagining.
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
I am girded for disappointment
FancyShark
The villain in Cyborg Kickboxer was pretty rad tho
gellaho
Thanks, National Enquirer!
FancyShark
hahahaha
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
YES FRANK AND JOE PLOT A KIDNAPPING!
FancyShark
"Let's kidnap someone, brother"
Brendan
This quantum physicist's student dabbled in wetware engineering
GDC
The Hardy's are planning a counter kidnapping
Brendan
I dunno, sounds like he has a pretty sweet exoskeleton.
gellaho
"Corporate Card" means Fenton's card
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
"We shall steal the boy in his sleep. Ever so softly, brother."
Brendan
This is turning into a Coen Brothers plot.
Someone's going to die due to stupidity.
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
Any second now a catalog case full of money is going to enter the picture
Mordred Got the 'Vid 😷
Wait, I thought this was a team-up?
(Of course I haven't really been following along...)
FancyShark
I hope it's Tom Swift
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
I assume its like one of those comic book team ups where they have to have a comical misunderstanding first.
gellaho
Better than a hard hand up the wazoo
FancyShark
@Mordred Got the 'Vid 😷 , you should always remember that no team up happens in a crossover without the heroes first inexplicably trying to kill each other
Mordred Got the 'Vid 😷
Ohhhh
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
Gotta test their power levels first
Mordred Got the 'Vid 😷
Like Naruto
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
It's like an exhibition ma— actually you know what, it's way more like Naruto
Ozzie
This was 1992, I'm pretty sure you could still buy airplane tickets in cash under a fake name to fly domestic
gellaho
Time for some phone phreakin'
Mordred Got the 'Vid 😷
I mean, even fucking Orochimaru teamed up with them in the end and I'll shut up now 😅
FancyShark
"Swift has cyborgs and death rays. But we have an explosion curse and a trail of dead girlfriends."
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
That hard hand squeezing Franks heart isnt grief or apprehension, its cholesterol.
LyraV
They do this often enough to have earned thousands in frequent flyer miles just rescuing their father.
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
It could be Star Platinum stilling his heart rate so Dio will drop his guard. You don't know
gellaho
Unfortunately, Professor Drake finds them. Fortunately, Joe is dressed
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
If Frank had a stand it would be Ham Sandwich.
FancyShark
Frank didn't have this planned. He just hates seeing Joe's skin
Brendan
If they thought this would happen why were they even in the room.
gellaho
JOE SMASH
Ozzie
Everyone they encounter has hired goons, have they considered also hiring a goon?
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
HARDY KARATE FIGHT!
Ozzie
I don't know what kind of overheard they have but it might be worth the money.
FancyShark
Chet is less "goon" than "hero friend"
Brendan
They make their own goons out of Joe and hate for savings and health.
gellaho
This is some horseshit, Joe should have been incapacitated by now
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
Hahah Joe doing what I wish every hero would do in the middle of a villain monologue
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
Also they get in death duels with international kung fu killers so they really dont need goons.
FancyShark
Fuck yes!
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
Yeah, this is a different writer. They actually believe in the Hardies' capabilities and try to make us believe in them too
FancyShark
The writer lost the notes and made Joe a competent fighter!
gellaho
I don't care for it
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
Joe is going to get a real SHOCK when Drake shows him what he can do.
gellaho
At least he gets electrocuted
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
GIF
GDC
Joe hasn't even suffered a head injury yet. This ghost writer hasn't done his homework.
gellaho
The fuck you mean, "just as I thought"
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
Elementary
FancyShark
hahaha, Frank, you asshole
LyraV
Joe hasn't been garroted even once yet
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
joe got electrocuted like my nephew trying to flirt.
GDC
That wasn't very good protection if he was defeated by a lamp.
gellaho
And the fuck you mean, "obviously," you ancient man?
gellaho
