94.1: The Big Lie Anthony Del Col & Werther Dell'Edera

#1 Nancy Drew & The Hardy Boys Comic Books

Tags: The Year of Pain Proving I Am a Serious Artist by Ruining the Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew
Frank and Joe Hardy were living a perfect life with their family in Bayport, a small, New England resort-town on the Atlantic - until an unexpected death threw their entire existence into turmoil. Now the Hardy Boys are headed down a much darker path - one that will lead them right into the seedy, crooked heart of their hometown - and with a mysterious figure from their past as a guide... These are the teen detectives as you've never seen them before!

Archive

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

You Wouldn't Download a Post Card …

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

No but only because e cards are lame.

gellaho

Classic Tom Swift

FancyShark

hahaha, what the fuck

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal
FancyShark

Couldn't even let the black guy be rich?

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Nope.

gellaho

He's black, so he can't be a super genius son of an inventor

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Lets be honest, the way this comic is going we will be grateful he doesnt talk like Power Man in the 70s.

gellaho

He also has to be Mr Robot for some reason

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

GIF

gellaho

So, you know, not Tom Swift at all

gellaho

Oh, and the whole page looks like this

FancyShark

Props to this author for making me feel sorry for Tom Swift, but not for the reasons intended

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

So close to being a real arty noir comic.

So close.

gellaho

He's got to be poor, a hacker and have a complicated relationship with meat

FancyShark

This author really gets teens

"ol' san antone" jakesy

Is this the clitoris

gellaho

Sports: pictured here as picking apples at the farmers market

FancyShark

Collig Slenderman

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

Agent 47 hunting for non lethal throwables again

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

GIF

gellaho

Fickle's Pickle's

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

Do they cost a nickel?

FancyShark

Fickle's Puckle's also works perfectly

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Nope. Sorry, try again, Apostrophe Dragon.

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

Formerly Chuck's

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

A greengrocer must have been through here.

gellaho

"I sense pickle crime"

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

GIF

FancyShark

"A pickle is in danger!"

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

BREAK PICKLE LAW - SUFFER PICKLE JUSTICE!!

FancyShark

The brine eats through the sidewalk like alien acid blood but no one notices

gellaho

Great stuff

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Poor Fickle, he just wanted to run a pickle based business in peace.

But unfortunately cops dont prevent crime, not even pickle crime.

FancyShark

The world wasn't ready for him

gellaho

Tom Swift takes this opportunity to show Collig his ass

FancyShark

Collig is minutes away from dying of malnutrition

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

And he's not on the right side of those minutes, either

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Oh so that's why Collig is bald. He got the 3G radiation.

gellaho

Or, you know, theft

gellaho

He's being consumed by the void

FancyShark

Potato, potahto

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Hacking the old way, by calling his work and pretending to be a fed.

FancyShark

Faces aren't enough anymore

gellaho

Take everything you know about Tom Swift. Now, forget all that

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Collig is turning into Discount The Question.

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

Tom Swift is black?

FancyShark

And not rich

And the son of a butcher

But he's a hacker

And a vegetarian

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

"Hey, uh.....Joe? Could you not punch the meat? Or wear gloves, its a sanitary thing."

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

The only Swift who could ever reach me

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

some old white dude starts writing his scathing review, the word "woke" featuring prominently

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

was the son of a butcher man

gellaho

The old lobster dock with it's yachts

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

He hasnt said "Sweet Christmas!" yet so its a triumph of diversity.

FancyShark

If you get there real early, you can see the lobsters breaching the water

gellaho

It is very woke to turn a super genius inventor into a poor black kid who steals cell phones

FancyShark

This author isn't afraid to tackle the real issues

Specifically, lobster issues

gellaho

Streeeeeeeeeeetch

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

BREAK LOBSTER LAW - SUFFER LOBSTER JUSTICE

gellaho

Dundundumb

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

GIF

gellaho

This is all you need to sell a comic series

gellaho
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

That looks like an old timey ad for guns or dynamite.

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

Whoa whoa whoa, spoiler alert, plot outline!

I didn't want to know they murdered their father for real yet!

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

No, its more or less like I remember it.

FancyShark

"Shadowy figures" got more play than probably anticipated

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

Somebody close read this outline and tell me if it says Bayport will be a character of its own

gellaho

We have defeated The Big Lie #5

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

Hottest rap duo of 2023

FancyShark

FINAL ROUND

gellaho

And finally, #6

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

We're just now finding a body on the covers?

Shouldn't that have been a cover like three issues back?

gellaho

Who does?

FancyShark

It is vital that Nancy be on every cover

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Nancy Drew and The Hardy Boys Find a Dead Body.

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Yeah she's the only one with complete art.

gellaho

Heh, how's it goin?

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Oh. Ohhhhhhh boy.

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

GIF

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

That man has his dick out.

gellaho

BANG

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

That's the face of someone who just said "What do you think of THIS, little lady?"

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

Oh sure, that might as well happen

FancyShark

The End

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Yay, we solved the Riddle of Executing Nancy's Corrupt Dad!

gellaho

Sick copy paste job on Carson

FancyShark

awww

Yes, give him compressions on his bullet wound. Really grind it in there.

gellaho

He's fine

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Way to get Frank and Joe in more murder related trouble NANCY!

gellaho

Suspense averted

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

Oh thank god. I was worried there would be stakes for a second.

FancyShark

Author nailed that aspect at least

gellaho

Faces

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

"Oh no, the bad news is I found the weapon he was shot with........in your purse. You're coming downtown."

Frank and Joe, clear Havers of Hitman Money.

Couldnt possibly have been one of the many many people Nancy's dad fucked over in his law career or anything.

gellaho

He didn't answer some emails, so he's obviously a murderer and drug smuggler

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

I mean, duh.

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

And just like that, Nancy is ready to finish the job that assassin started on her dad.

gellaho

Nancy reveals her third eyelid

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

That's how fast kids turn on their parents. So answer your damn emails.

FancyShark

Next, twelve pages of her beating her hospitalized father to death with a golf club

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

AGH!

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Holy Nancy's Nictating Membranes, Batman!

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

She's a lizard man!

gellaho

You do kind of suck Nancy, yes

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Cute boots tho, Nancy.

Or they would be if the artist could draw.

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

When your dad's body is cold but the yaddas are hot 🔥

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Or rather, muster the fucks to draw properly.

gellaho

Jesus Christ

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

Fucking Christ.

Can we go one issue without Frank looking like Damian?

FancyShark

That's it. I officially can't tell who this is for.

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

It's for the author and no one else

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

And Joe looking like a gay Miami Vice detective?

gellaho

Maybe eyeless was better

FancyShark

SHE SEES US!

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

It's like they're trying to do the Deathloop art style if it sucked.

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Until you zoom in it really looks like he has a little pencil thin mustache.

gellaho

AAAAAH

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Nancy, you need two eyes, dont give one to the Shadows from Beyond.

FancyShark

She sees so much more now

gellaho

Any evidence? No? Alright

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

Evidence is for suckers and chumps

FancyShark

"Fuck, this is the last one? Uhh, okay. No, I got this."

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Still bumps into shit, depth perception isnt one of the powers she got.

FancyShark

Oh yeah. She covers her whole place in padding now.

gellaho

"Yeah, you can just come in here, out of town teen"

FancyShark

"Can you hurry up, kid? I've got a team of soccer players that want to rent this space for practice."

gellaho

Why is "thieves" in quotation marks?

LyraV

Those shoulder pads scream professional.

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

?thieves?

!poison!

gellaho

Very useful magnifying glass

FancyShark

"He said 'Please listen to me. I might be shot if you don't listen.' I never figured out what he meant."

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

"I used to burn ants with this. Sigh."

LyraV

Why would a spider build it's web there?

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

To get to the other side!

LyraV

Oh. It's broken.

FancyShark

Makes it look bigger

gellaho

Obviously, that meant go back to the cave you went to once when you were 8

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

I ask myself that question whenever I get into the shower.

gellaho

I can't believe he would follow me!

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

They super are. Your dad is a lawyer by day, mob hitman by night. He was paid to kill Fenton but Fenton doublecrossed him. Fenton played by Chow Yun Fat.

FancyShark

And he brought his sound effects!

gellaho

You might remember this is supposedly about finding Fenton's killer

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

No, that doesnt ring a bell.

gellaho

I say might, because I'm pretty sure the author forgot

What with his obsession with Nancy Drew

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Two reasons.

FancyShark

GIF

gellaho

Use the darkness, which is everywhere on this wretched earth

LyraV

She's standing in front of an exploding orange egg

gellaho

The dark makes art easy!

FancyShark

An eggsplosion, if you will

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

This dude watched the finale of True Detective S1 and figured darkness and confusion was how mysteries should end.

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

"Frank? Get away from the computer, Frank, you arent allowed after Holy Terror!"

gellaho

It was the fat ugly cop made up for this series! Who would have guessed?

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Oh noooo! Not beloved Just Introduced Here Man!

Who could have foreseen this?!

gellaho

Vaguery!

FancyShark

Which means the murderer was threatening to fistfight Joe to get him to confess

Wait, that actually sounds desperate enough to work

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

The writer has clearly been interrogated by a cop before.

FancyShark

And by "interrogated", you mean "got a speeding ticket"

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

"Now confess to shooting your dad fifty two times with my gun."

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

Broken clocks and all that

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

"Or I will beat your ass."

gellaho

JOE SMASH

FancyShark

"I have to kill you. It's how my character is written."

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

SUMP

FancyShark

YES

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

SPLAS

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

It's fucking Joever.

gellaho

Time for murder

FancyShark

FINALLY some proper Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew "villain fails to shoot them and gets his ass beat"-ing

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

All these awesome poses and Frank still looks like a horrid little schoolboy.

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Shoot him in the face, Nancy! Revenge is actually really cool!

gellaho

You know, they

gellaho
Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

And then she executes him now that the begging has tenderized the meat.

FancyShark

"They threatened to tell the world I'm bald! I couldn't live with it!"

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Bigfoot's disappointing son.

GIF

gellaho

Like the Stratemeyer Syndicate! Get it!?

gellaho

Anthony thought he was real smart for that one

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

"Syndicate? Like the hit videogame?"

FancyShark

In the fine tradition of The Assassins

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

"The one from Bullfrog? That game ruled."

gellaho

Collig not pictured

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

"Now its totally okay, im glad Peter Molyneux killed our dads."

gellaho

The FBI are known for their frozen faces and unnatural badge holding

FancyShark

I like gellaho's version of Collig more

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

I can't believe the bad guy was Hammerhead from Spider Man this whole time

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Frank, Joe......I dont think the FBI are going to necessarily have jurisdiction here, but whatever.

gellaho

Yeah, Joe looks really excited

FancyShark

woo

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Joe got a new Iphone, he's gonna play Angry Birds in the car now.

gellaho

Back for seconds on Hal Holbrook

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Frank meanwhile, looks like he's got a glass fronted box picked out for Nancy's hands.

gellaho

Is finding your mom that impressive? I'm pretty sure she knows where you live

FancyShark

Yep, cars definitely have three separate seats in the back

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

This author has never traveled outside the trunk of a car before.

Ramb$ne

So wait they're happy about a lazy ur mom joke?

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

It's modded, it has all bucket seats.

gellaho

The end, or is it?

gellaho

It's not

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

And a licorice dispenser.

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

Kingpin?!

FancyShark

dun dun DUN!

gellaho

And here's Anthony to lay it out for you

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Hell yeah, we get to hang out with Vincent D'Onofrio?

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

Dumb dumb dummmmmb

gellaho

The Bobbsey Twins! Get excited!

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

The who now?

The what twins?

gellaho

I'm also pretty sure Tom Swift does not appear in the next one

FancyShark

He's got meat to chop

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

"It seemed organic" is code switching for "I'm a total hack"

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

What kind of "Grandma would have appreciated this reference" shit is this?

LyraV

It sounds vaguely familiar

gellaho

This man is multiple creators

LyraV

I wonder if they've STILL got the light on

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

They were aiming for noir but came out with "Early 2000s CW teen version"

FancyShark

Yeah. The European revenge spree was more noir than this

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

I named you part of my syndicate so you can't report me to the cops without incriminating yourself, tee hee!

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

And I cannot stress enough that Joe had a kung fu death duel with a hot girls dad!

It ruled.

FancyShark

It was incredible

gellaho

Horny ouija

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

I want that book to be a John Woo movie.

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

There's a non-horny Ouija?!

Damn I have been using mine wrong the whole time.

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

Okay but ending on Elvira was a fucking power move, holy shit

FancyShark

Alright, I'll buy your ouija board, but I'm cutting off the ouija crap around the important part

gellaho

We have defeated The Big Lie #6

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Not gonna lie, if you get Cassie Peterson on it, I will at least think about buying it.

FancyShark

We did it!

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

GIF

National. Treasure.

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

Six times, even!

gellaho

So concludes this edition of The Book Cage

FancyShark

Thank you, @gellaho !

Great work, everybody!

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Thanks @gellaho !

gellaho

Most of the really bad stuff is in The Death of Nancy Drew, so look forward to that

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

Suffering to continue!

LyraV

I napped through some of it but I'm going back to read from the beginning

These comics are amazing

FancyShark

May all your faces be hidden! Have a great night and see you tomorrow!

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

Still not over the extremely tiny Proton in the corner

FancyShark

Oh, that book deserves the cage most of all

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

I don't know if you can say that after Crash Course.

Crash Course was pretty fucking terrible.

Ramb$ne

We've had some powerful smells this year

FancyShark

Crash Course had a cyborg wizard fall in love with a pre-teen girl?

Ramb$ne

That's a crash course in criminal offenses

So... 50% yes?