With former Air Force Major Trent Calloway's marriage ruined in the aftermath of his psychic spying, he wants to forget about his past, especially the tragedy that changed his life when he was involved in a government remote-viewing project.
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gellaho
The Book Cage: Episode 102 - PSI/Net
The second in the "Books Written Black Sci-Fi Actors Who Worked on Star-titled projects," it's Billy Dee Williams' (and Rob MacGregor's) PSI/Net. A book featuring psychic warfare, the CIA, Native American mysticism, drugs, and white supremacist militias. And that's just the first two chapters. Watch as Billy Dee Williams steps on every conceivable landmine this Friday, 5pm eastern.
gellaho
gellaho
Special thanks to @Fatamatician: The Curator for sending me this book for incarceration.
FancyShark
Hooooo boy
Fatamatician: The Curator
Glad I could provide
gellaho
Coming up on the top of the hour, it's PSI/Net by Billy Dee Williams. No preview, so instead enjoy some effusive praise.
FancyShark
Setting the bar pretty high with all those quotes
gellaho
Apparently one of Billy Dee's children is named "Dee." And another is named "Hanako Anne"
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
At least he has a theme going.
FancyShark
PSYCHIC NET! LET'S GOOOOOO!
gellaho
gellaho
Glorious start
Time to begin the process
Brendan
HERE
WE
GO
on a run, because I've been a big lazy boy all day following 40 hours of consciousness
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
It's like BloodNet but without an RPG attached.
Brendan
back soon? Back soon. Catch me up.
gellaho
Thursday begins with white water rafting
FancyShark
Hi, @gellaho ! Hi, @Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage ! Hi and bye and then hi when you get back, @Brendan !
I sense a killing spree in Sam's future
gellaho
We meet our main character angrily leading a corporate retreat
gellaho
PSI/Net!
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Action packed corporate bickering!
FancyShark
This is so Trent
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Thrill as the main character fantasizes about deliberately crashing a raft into jagged rocks.
gellaho
Interesting word choices from Billy Dee
FancyShark
Witness as the lead character regrets his life choices!
Brendan
this was the '90s? It was a period of flux.
Me, I call people whatever they want to be called no matter how often it changes, except that one weird guy on my run last summer who shouted at me to call him a racial slur.
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Man living in a thing you pulled behind a truck is like one step up from just being a dude in a tent in a park, I wasnt expecting it to get this sad this quick.
Brendan
Anyway, time to go for a jog like the CANCELED that I am.
gellaho
Art falls out again, but Trent gets distracted by some Native American hallucinations
FancyShark
Art is dragged away screaming by a sasquatch while Trent looks at some people who aren't thrilled to see him
gellaho
Only took 6 pages to get to the weirdness
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Nobody in the 90s could resists psychic visions of Native Americans.
FancyShark
We don't need to keep a bingo card of stereotypes, do we?
Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃
Oh crap no I forgot it's Friday. I have a chapter to proofread and dinner to make. RELEASE ME, SIREN.
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
It was in every single show I ever watched.
FancyShark
Hi, @Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃 !
gellaho
Nevermind that though, marvel as a middle aged man struggles with his weight!
Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃
Hot damn now I'm hungry
Ferroday Plays Both Sides
I'm getting kent montana deja vu and I don't like it
FancyShark
Hi, @Ferroday Plays Both Sides !
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
I dont know why I expected like thrilling psychic combat or something.
gellaho
Well, luckily this isn't supposed to be funny
The male menopause thing
FancyShark
The sleep and bathroom stuff is also part of aging, you coward
Embrace your mortality
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Gordon better live a secret double life of thrilling psychic combat or be about to get got by psychic assassins or something.
FancyShark
Chapter better end with him smeared all over the floor, wall and ceiling like in Akira
gellaho
gellaho
The well-paying job of "futurist"
FancyShark
The only people not concerned with coming events are the Fonz
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
When someone refers to themselves as a futurist and mentions their military service record you could absolutely have saved time by shortening it to "asshole"
gellaho
He expects this speech to change the nation
Ferroday Plays Both Sides
that page had so much "future" in it that the word is losing meaning
FancyShark
If that story gets a laugh, that crowd will laugh at anything
gellaho
That's how you know it's a great speech
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A better question would be "What good is thinking about the future if nobody does anything about the things that might happen?" or "Who let you in here?"
FancyShark
Saying "who needs the future?" should put you on suicide watch
gellaho
Alright, so time to set up some whiplash. Look at this paragraph and try to imagine what the next sentence might be
FancyShark
"Let's focus on the past to build a future we desire" or something
gellaho
Flawless segue
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Lol
FancyShark
Damn, so close
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I was going to say something about using space lasers to decrease the surplus population, I was way off.
FancyShark
"Let's eat the Swedes" was my next guess
gellaho
Remote viewers
FancyShark
He has a lot of faith in military secrets being allowed to broadcast without oversight
gellaho
I hope you appreciate deliberate vaguery
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Oh sweet, I love me some MKUltra gibberish.
gellaho
You are in for a treat
But, before that, Maxwell gets a fun prank
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Hell yeah, treats.
FancyShark
General Eugene Levy!
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lol "billfold" is one of those words like "davenport" that I use to identify someone born in a specific time period.
gellaho
General George Wiley
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Doctor General George Wiley, roboticist.
gellaho
Do you think he's the bad guy?
FancyShark
"General, can I please have my rice pilaf and kielbasa on texas toast?"
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Has a real feud with Doctor Reverend Colonel James Light.
gellaho
I mean, it might be a little too subtle
How can Billy and Rob really spell out that he's evil?
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Maybe he's wanted for being based as hell?
gellaho
Ah, here we go
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Nope.
FancyShark
He's a Steven Seagal villain
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Wow that is.......a complicated rap sheet.
FancyShark
Still not as deadly as the Rythm Nation
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Now to be fair, the only thing I think he's done wrong is sexual battery.
Killing militia members is Americas favorite pastime and should be encouraged.
gellaho
You might want to read that a little more carefully
FancyShark
The leading of a white separatist group isn't really okay
gellaho
Hey, look, Billy will help. Let him really spell it out
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I guess I read "Murder charges in the death of men involved in milita" as "Did murder them"
LyraV
I saw Billy Dee Williams, I'm in.
FancyShark
Hi, @LyraV !
We're meeting the cartoonishly evil bad guy!
gellaho
Then, a bizarrely complementary section about the racist rapist
FancyShark
"Looking swole, Grand Wizard"
gellaho
Anyway, back to Trent
FancyShark
hahaha
The framing makes it sound like he's parked right next to the boy scouts and is just day drinking while they go about their business
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
Ahhh, I miss Grandpa.
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Would explain the visions of Native Americans he was having earlier.
gellaho
Trent thinks back to how good it felt to try and kill Art. Only momentarily, of course, before he thinks back to the one time an old Native American man walked up to him and gave him vague advice
FancyShark
lol
LyraV
Always ask the river if your outfit looks alright.
Ferroday Plays Both Sides
why does every paragraph read like someone's paraphrasing an Alex Jones rant
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Instructions unclear, got my dick stuck in some river rock.
gellaho
You could try and guess what happens when he asks the river
FancyShark
Does it throw a fish at him?
gellaho
Not quite
A lightning bolt gives him a phone number
LyraV
Ghost mermaid
gellaho
That makes sense, right?
FancyShark
Oh shit. Woodsy the Owl is worthy of the power of Thor!
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Oh god, no. Never call a number you got from a lightning bolt, thats how you end up fucked by a swan.
gellaho
Well, not quite a phone number of course
FancyShark
A few minutes later, another lightning bolt with the area code
gellaho
But a phone number in the vein of 1-900-HOTDOG
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
Reminds me of the time a lightning bolt sent me a message:
867-5309
LyraV
You got it!
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Rivers might never lie but they sure as fuck are cryptic to the point of uselessness.
gellaho
This lightning bolt reminds him of the time he got struck by lightning
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Its why I use turtle shells for all my divination needs.
FancyShark
Oh no, the lightning came back to finish the job!
gellaho
You getting an idea of how weird this book is, yet?
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Sweet.
FancyShark
Yeah. If I'm reading it right, BDW threw every passing neat idea he had onto the page and called it a novel
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We're in for a full on mystical journey y'all.
Gonna open the doors of perception.
gellaho
Oh, and that earlier lightning strike gave him psychic powers
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
I hope we're in for at least two or three more mystical native americans
Ferroday Plays Both Sides
so far this appears to be a bunch of people remembering cool shit, hallucinating racist stereotypes, and winning shower arguments with a fake audience
FancyShark
Also, hi, @Rachel, Godhead Aspect !
gellaho
Billy thought he'd just throw his psychic origins in willy nilly
"This lightning strike reminds me of that time I got struck by lightning and got psychic powers. Crazy, right? Anyway...
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
Hello darling!
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Cool, did he meet George Clooney and kill a goat with his mind powers?
Ferroday Plays Both Sides
like a Family Guy sketch but more racist
FancyShark
"You think yourself above humanity, Wiley, because you gave yourself psychic powers. But my powers were bestowed by the gods themselves!"
gellaho
Nut brown skin
FancyShark
The same Navajo man wanders into his room.
"Lightning is filled with deceit."
Then he leaves again.
gellaho
Oh, right, my secret life of six digit numbers
Ferroday Plays Both Sides
seriously, this is like you strung together every new age idea you half-remembered into a single semi-coherent plotline
FancyShark
Every time he encountered math, he considered using his knowledge of flight. He was an odd man.
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Bud if you didnt stop Bobby Aimes' heart with your mind powers you are wasting your thoughts.
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
any crystals yet?
Ferroday Plays Both Sides
they'll show up at some point
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And LSD.
FancyShark
Holding out hope for a Psi-Man twist
gellaho
Now a bunch of details without explanation
FancyShark
Oh, is that what "protocol" means? Thank you
Ferroday Plays Both Sides
it doesn't count as world-building if you haven't given us a foundation to build on
gellaho
And now random pillars speak to him
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Cool, cool, I love hearing in minute but yet vague detail how someone activates their most boring psychic abilities.
infinite tempest jakesy
He sank into The Zone, this is a thing that needs explanation
Nobody has ever used that phrase before
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And yes, remote viewing is one of the most boring psychic abilities you can have, dont @ me.
gellaho
Now let's speed run Trent's backstory
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
Every clairvoyant is a voyeur, don't @ me
infinite tempest jakesy
It's right there in the name!
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For additional fun, imagine he isnt using an outdated term for pre-settler colonial inhabitants of the Americas and is referring to people from Inda.
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
That actually is very funny
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He's getting his instructions from a dude named Sandeep from New Delhi.
infinite tempest jakesy
There's voy-ing going on all over the place
gellaho
They love Kokopelli
Which is a detail I skipped over earlier
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
It's his psychic tech support hotline
Ferroday Plays Both Sides
honestly given the mystification behind a lot of religious shit in India it'd be about on par with the mystification of native american tribal beliefs
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I kind of assumed Kokopelli would crop up, it was a Thing amongst the boring new age housewives of the 90s.
gellaho
This seems like a great spy program. I'm sure learning this in the context of his wife isn't going to be relevant
Ferroday Plays Both Sides
we get it trent, you're a method actor
infinite tempest jakesy
He thought the drug dealers were so cool he wanted to act like them
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Man imagine being so bad at marriage you cant even keep a partner when you can read minds and can be psychically empathic.
infinite tempest jakesy
Get a load of Billy Day Lewis over here
gellaho
Oh, right, that time he got possessed by Saddam
Ferroday Plays Both Sides
....Trent, are you actually psychic or are you suffering under paranoid schizophrenia
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
He can read minds but he still can't understand women
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I kind of miss Saddam Hussein. Putin just isnt as funny a dude.
infinite tempest jakesy
Lol the ol' George W defense
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
Whenever I threaten NP with a knife I blame it on Saddam Hussein
Ferroday Plays Both Sides
certainly a less entertaining romance author
gellaho
But, nevermind that. Time for him to wackily step on a beer can
Ferroday Plays Both Sides
Calloway is visited by Amanda Waller
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Yeah Putin has never even once penned a book where he makes sweet love to the concept of Russia.
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
The real villain of this book is littering
gellaho
Pillows of flesh
infinite tempest jakesy
Chicle
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Oh cool, Amanda Waller showed up.
infinite tempest jakesy
Lol I'm sure women love to know that you're thinking about their juggs rubbing up against you every time you hug them
gellaho
Psi-gang
Ferroday Plays Both Sides
to be fair, he alluded to her "girth" earlier, it could just be he's making fun of her weight
which also isn't great, but....I forget what point I was trying to make here
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
to be fair, is that better?
Ferroday Plays Both Sides
a lateral move at best, I think
also, psi gang? you couldn't have at least tried for a pun or something?
I mean, "brain trust" is right there, billy
infinite tempest jakesy
I'm out of touch on my 80s slang but it's hard for me to interpret flesh pillows as anything other than large bazongas
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An acronym would have been better than psi gang.
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
Theyre psigangnam style
gellaho
"Do you remember the duplicate group of psychics?"
"Yeah?"
"Okay, forget that. Do you remember the guy who cheated the lottery?"
infinite tempest jakesy
I'm not helping by calling them funbags or whatever other terrible slang for them but it's a bit now
Ferroday Plays Both Sides
this seriously reads like it's based on the supposition that everything you've heard on Coast to Coast is 100% true
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Imagine that, the military would want a backup in case the dipshits who can't predict lotto numbers fail their missions.
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
I always trusted space ghost implicitly
gellaho
I mean, it's not like they have psychic powers or something
Anyway, China
Ferroday Plays Both Sides
amazing how psychic powers in these stories seem to be both limitless and with weird boundaries at the same time, almost like it's a poorly formed yadda-yadda of an idea
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
can Chinese remote viewers only posess chinese cooks for some reason?
gellaho
"Anyway, remember that nerd we used to make fun of? He gave us goo!"
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Its funny, this book about guys doing psychic espionage is also supplying evidence psychic powers dont work.
In its own narrative, no less.
Ferroday Plays Both Sides
The Men Who Stare at Goats but dumber
infinite tempest jakesy
Lol the psychic powers only work within your race
Except when it comes to Saddam, then all bets are off
Ferroday Plays Both Sides
Why are they talking about this in Calloway's driveway, anyway
did she just stop by for a clumsy exposition dump?
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Saddam was apparently Earths mightiest psychic.
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
Just having a public chat about state secrets
gellaho
So they were being drugged because this book doesn't have enough ideas yet
Ferroday Plays Both Sides
wait, window? weren't they outside at a camp ground?
infinite tempest jakesy
Sounds like they're all suffering from Secondhand Saddam
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Oh shit, the gubmint gave its psychic spies Havana Syndrome!
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
Lady you have anxiety
gellaho
They're in his airstream
Sometimes I'll skip boring details like people walking into a camper
Henderson seems like someone to stay away from
Ferroday Plays Both Sides
I still have no idea why Boyle is here
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
He works well with Peralta
Ferroday Plays Both Sides
other than to provide backstory on a bunch of characters I doubt we're going to see
gellaho
The news of them secretly being drugged probably
infinite tempest jakesy
He's just setting the table that Remote Vision Has Consequences
gellaho
Okay, so Henderson wasn't fucking the animals. But it's still pretty weird
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
No they're crazy because the government drugged them with secret goo during blood pressure tests
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Mmmmm this is that good MKUltra shit, gimme more.
Ferroday Plays Both Sides
this sounds less like a bunch of psychic soldiers and more like a bunch of people with mental health issues that were egged on by a very irresponsible psychiatrist
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Full Havana Syndrome, I love it.
gellaho
Experience in generic profitable business
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Man imagine being such a shitty psychic you have to do fucking market research for a living with your powers.
Ferroday Plays Both Sides
psychic corporate espionage
infinite tempest jakesy
Also lol, there are entire companies that do this without superpowers, it's just market research
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Psychics replaced by social media in a couple decades.
infinite tempest jakesy
Fuck, scooped
gellaho
Maxwell is recruiting all the crazy people, and Doc thinks it's a great idea to infiltrate and get more crazy drugs
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Is this book trying to get the reader to doubt the narrative and think maybe psychics arent real and the characters are just the damaged results of various unethical government programs?
I mean I dont think that because that would be clever.
Ferroday Plays Both Sides
nothing that has happened had dissuaded me from "these are all mentally ill people suffering under a mass delusion"
gellaho
You sonofabitch, psychic Native Americans are involved!
Ferroday Plays Both Sides
I'm going to continue with that assumption until someone gets Scanners'd
infinite tempest jakesy
"Is Sandeep there in the room with you right now?"
gellaho
Sure, give the mind-hole some beer
FancyShark
Sorry, had to step away. What I miss?
infinite tempest jakesy
Tossing a six pack of beer into the hole is how I'm going to spend the rest of the night
gellaho
We're going to get some perspective shifts that will make it clear this is all real
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Metaphorical beer? Is that the kind that makes you gay?
I lose track of which brands do that.
gellaho
They were secretly given drugs that made them crazy when they were psychic spies
FancyShark
Always a smart move with psychics
FancyShark
All of them. That's right, homophobic alcoholics!
gellaho
GO TO STAGE TWO OF PILLAR WORLD
FancyShark
Are they cyclopean? How many aeons do you see?
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Would you describe them as "eldritch"?
gellaho
An attack on Washington, DC? Very original, Billy Dee
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Calloway, getting drunk and having a vision quest and seeing DC in ruins is normal.
FancyShark
Billy Dee, put down Fallout 3 and focus on the book
gellaho
BILOCATE TO STAGE THREE
infinite tempest jakesy
GIF
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AKASHIC RECORD: SEARCH!
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
Then they'd be the Men Who Stare at Scrotes
gellaho
An honest-to-God "It's too complicated to explain"
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
And that's my time, good night everybody!
FancyShark
There's only one thing to do. We must jail all the children.
gellaho
Classic Matt
FancyShark
Calloway's making this up as he goes
wait, Trent
gellaho
Let's just go see the President
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Yeah because thats something former military personnel are allowed to just do.
gellaho
Right on both counts
Trent Calloway
infinite tempest jakesy
Jimmy Carts is hanging out at the tastee freez, let's go hit him up
FancyShark
Ah, thank you!
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Oh shit and this is the 90s so they're going to hang out with Bill Clinton!
infinite tempest jakesy
Ok see that actually checks out
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Smoke a doobie and talk about psychic warfare.
gellaho
David Dustin
infinite tempest jakesy
GIF
gellaho
Just as the song foretold
infinite tempest jakesy
Everybody is indeed looking forward to the weekend
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Man next Friday is going to be real good or real bad depending on if Calloway can convince Not Bill Clinton that some kid named Matt has a backpack nuke.
gellaho
This is where Billy Dee decided to get goofy with the names
infinite tempest jakesy
SBrown Palace
FancyShark
Where in the World is Camila Hidalgo
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Camilla Hidalgo, a little horsey looking but everyone likes her for some reason.
gellaho
Acting spokesman for the president. That's what they call it
FancyShark
Harvey Howell would go on to fight and lose in UFC 3
Press Secretary was too hard to look up?
gellaho
Apparently
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Hahahhaha remember when being the Presidents press secretary was a Serious Job people aspired to have?
gellaho
Remember Maxwell's fantastic prediction that would make him famous?
Turns out it's something you might hear on a street corner
FancyShark
That's cute, Gordon. You know that would immediately ruin their economies, right?
gellaho
Camila prefers the kind of man who might be possessed by a dictator at any time
gellaho
gellaho
Barry does seem really smooth, though
FancyShark
Because being a part of someone's life is not something people normally do when they go on dates several times
gellaho
Not at all
Anyway, Camila follows this up by wondering if the national security advisor is gay
gellaho
I'm sure that isn't important
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Oh sweet, is this were we veer into revealing something crazy like "Billy Dee Williams believes that gay men are powerfully psychically active and also involved in a worldwide conspiracy."?
gellaho
Billy Dee and Robby Mac are here to tell you all about the Mexican-American experience
FancyShark
As conspiracies go, that is more rad than most
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"Billy Dee Williams believes that Mexican-Americans are like hyenas and leave the smaller children to starve if they cant assert dominance."
FancyShark
David Dustin is a name that screams "I think full-fat mayo is too spicy"
gellaho
Howell takes some time to look at Camila's clothing. Again, I'm sure that's not going to come up
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Dunk on her drip, Harvey.
gellaho
But, nevermind that. She gets a phone call from a tabloid about the vice president, who has a very real name
infinite tempest jakesy
There's so much foreshadowing that it's become fiveshadowing
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Booooooooo I wanted Harvey to point out her fat shins or something.
infinite tempest jakesy
Sarati Finders
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Maybe say her shoes are knockoffs.
gellaho
Very real names
FancyShark
Sarati Finders is a gnome cleric
infinite tempest jakesy
Sarati Finders is the name of an Indian travel agency
gellaho
Billy Dee Williams on Black America
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@LyraV Mitchell is Vice President in this one.
FancyShark
Sarati Finders is a discontinued office supply company
infinite tempest jakesy
Lol strong Fiscal Conservative Energy here
gellaho
You know how I said all that stuff about Howell wasn't going to come up?
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Hahahahah Billy Dee invented Obama like a good decade and a half early.
gellaho
I lied
FancyShark
lol, what
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Okay yeah whatever, does Harvey look good in a dress, tell us the things we need to know dammit.
Is Harvey's drip on point?
gellaho
Cross-dressing in a fugue state
gellaho
It's his wife's dress
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He'd have fuckin slayed for one thing, thats what would have happened.
gellaho
For the good of the nation
FancyShark
Thrill as commotions are avoided!
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Aw man I hate that for him, you cant get the best drip with a borrowed outfit.
gellaho
Let's see what further landmines Billy Dee might like to step on in Chapter 6
infinite tempest jakesy
Ah the 90s, when presidents were proper and no kinky sex stuff happened in the Oval Office
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Yeah because a dude liking frilly things is an unprecedented danger to national security, Camilla.
Certainly no directors of say, the FBI were into that kind of thing.
gellaho
You remember Matt, the future bomber?
We meet him in an ice cavern
infinite tempest jakesy
Mdark
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Matt struggles to reach his lightsaber before the wampa returns.
Podcast Reference Thrillho
Yes?
Oh, never mind
Brendan
Okay, what's the skinny?
gellaho
Matt thinks about his sexy escapades in the white supremacist militia
FancyShark
Psychic spies were poisoned in the service of their country. Our hero has foreseen a bombing in DC by a teen named Matt
infinite tempest jakesy
We're back in an idyllic time in America, the 90s, where presidents were regal and did not stain dresses I mean wear dresses
Brendan
Billy Dee warned us about incel shooter types.
gellaho
Not really
FancyShark
The national security advisor is a cross dresser
Brendan
THAT DEVIL
Wait, he sounds in touch with himself--THAT HERO
gellaho
It's going to be pretty obvious this guy fucks real soon
infinite tempest jakesy
Also there's a hot Mexican press secretary who they call the presidents spokesperson for some reason
gellaho
Ah, the many secret ice caverns and roving armies of white militias in Idaho
gellaho
That's where they grow the potatoes, in the ice caverns
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Freedom Nation sounds like a fuckin youtube channel and not so much like a militia.
Brendan
Idaho uh...does actually have that problem.
Which is a shame, because it's gorgeous and has some really cool towns.
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Oh damn, Matt is a real fuckin dipshit.
Brendan
Billy Dee gets America.
gellaho
I think you'll see Billy doesn't have a great idea of what Idaho is
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Exactly the kind of person you want to carry a backpack nuke into DC and set it off.
gellaho
He seems to think Idaho is in the arctic
FancyShark
I could go for a Beef Burke. Maybe with some salt and vinegar chips
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Caves are pretty cold sometimes, I guess, but.......I dunno if 30 year round is how that works, Billy.
FancyShark
Love the excuse "the swastika stands for discipline" when they all scattered like frightened roaches after losing
gellaho
✅ Redhead
gellaho
Just doing war games in the constantly frozen section of Idaho
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Hahahahahah yeah that is pretty spot on for white supremacist militas, they love cool sounding code phrases.
Fuckin dorks.
FancyShark
That is adorable
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Its fun that Matt clearly thinks highly of himself despite manifestly coming across as being slightly stupid.
Like hes the fascist the other fascists think is a little slow.
gellaho
OK, so, Billy still isn't sure that you get that the racist rapist Wiley is a bad guy
So he writes a very long racist speech
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
hahahahah nice.
gellaho
He's also not entirely sure if you get that Matt is a moron, so he's really going to hammer that in too
gellaho
D'ya get it, yet?
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
hahahahah
FancyShark
Latin was a fun language to study. It helped teach that the Romans all sounded like dorks
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Matt worrying about being easier to control while being very easy to control.
gellaho
Anyway, Billy got bored and so rushes through the next part of the plot
FancyShark
Jill, their mascot alpaca, chewed thoughtfully on some grass
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
It always makes me laugh that these dipshits hold Roman civilization up as like some kind of model when it literally collapsed its own economy with slavery and shit.
Ferroday Plays Both Sides
"women are too stupid to know directions, so it's an easy lie"
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Okay to be fair, Jill IS fucking Matt.
gellaho
Sudner sending his pregnant daughter off to die, because bad guy
FancyShark
And that's how Matt learned women could get pregnant by only doing hand stuff
gellaho
Hey, leave Dennys out of this!
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Huh too bad you dont have the freedom to get an abortion in Freedom Nation, huh Matt?
gellaho
Anyway, Camila's getting ready for the president's speech
gellaho
I mean, kinda
They are going to explode in four days
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
"Well maybe "love" is a strong word. I love fucking her in my camper, does that count?"
gellaho
I am very excited because you don't know where this is going
Brendan
We will learn the languages of the superior, white race in our western chauvinist nation: mediterranean empires.
gellaho
But I do
President Hippie
Brendan
"Jews will not replace us but the people encircling them shall!"
gellaho
That's not the thing I'm excited about by the way
You'll know it when you see it
Brendan
Billy Dee writes a better libcuck president than Ben Shapiro.
FancyShark
Not a high bar, but he clears it
Ferroday Plays Both Sides
president dustin walked right out of an episode of The West Wing
gellaho
Daffy Quotient
FancyShark
Granted, he eats babies
gellaho
Yesssssssssssssssss
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Eating babies is pretty quirky
FancyShark
Fuck yeah. Watchmen, baby!
gellaho
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Stop being kind of prescient, novel, I have heard about aliens enough lately.
gellaho
The Galactic Community
LyraV
The cop that sleeps with hookers? Hehe
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Okay tho it would be awesome if Joe Biden got up in front of everyone and said he mentally raw dogged and alien and everything is going to be okay.
gellaho
Yes, a metaphor, that's the ticket
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
lol I love how Billy Dee imagines this announcement not being at the end of a press conference and them just moving on to like tariffs and shit.
gellaho
Meanwhile, Trent dreams of Lincoln
FancyShark
The Navajo man walks in again.
"Bobbies speak in declarations."
Leaves again.
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Suck it up Bobby, you were posessed by the psychic ghost of Stalin.
Shit happens when you are a psi spy.
Brendan
Please tell me the Navajo man is respectfully depicted.
gellaho
Trent is going to hypnotize doc into forgetting her fear of crowds
FancyShark
Of course. Or not. He literally showed up for two sentences in a flashback to tell Trent "rivers speak no lies"
gellaho
Hard to be respectful or disrespectful when you just give drive by advice
FancyShark
I'm picturing him in a sombrero to make him more fun.
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
I think they're just relying on the reader to fill in what a Navajo man looks like, and in the 90s you know what that expectation was.
Trent offhandedly recalls the time Maxwell prophecized they'd meet at this exact hotel. But as a silo with cattle. Or something
gellaho
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
And an expression that says "I am going to turn into a hawk shortly, because this is the 90s and every Native American is Nightwolf from Mortal Kombat."
FancyShark
Meanwhile, Maxwell's been waiting at the Maryland State Fair for days
gellaho
Or maybe it was boats?
gellaho
Billy Dee can't be sure, it's not like he's writing this or something
Brendan
Have they asked him to track anything yet?
FancyShark
Trent, yes. Navajo guy, no.
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
hahahah yeah imagine that. A dude running an intelligence network wanting accurate and actionable intel.
What a kidder.
gellaho
Sure, seems like something a hotel would do
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
I gotta say, even if it does escalate later I really enjoy the vibe of not being sure whether these psychic spies are psychic or mentally ill.
gellaho
Maybe he'd tell her about Maxwell's house, where he makes instant coffee
FancyShark
That pickup line works more than you'd think
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Hey bud? Maybe if you killed someone at all, and were willing to no matter the circumstances, you should examine your own morality instead of blaming someone else?
gellaho
Don't look now, but the book is imploding in on itself
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Maybe you'll find killing people with your awesome mind rays is cool and feels good and it makes people think you are attractive.
gellaho
Nice
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Native Americans were always vanishing into thin air in the 90s. I dont know why exactly.
We just thought it was cool, I guess.
gellaho
S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y, NIGHT!
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
hahahahah I keep hearing the 24 clock sound effects in my head when these come up.
gellaho
Nestled in Camila taking questions about the aliens is a Billy Dee Typo
Brendan
Try replacing it with the L&O gong gong
gellaho
Greerd
FancyShark
Freudian Typo
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Greer..........do you know what a fucking metaphor is? Did you even pass English Lit?
Cos otherwise explain how if this was a metaphor you need further clarification that no, President Dusty didnt encounter aliens?
gellaho
She sees Trent and has an... interesting reaction
FancyShark
Then she breaks into song.
gellaho
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Camilla describes her ex in such a "Mansonesque" way.
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Guess Greer didnt get good grades.
gellaho
Camila's bizarre reactions continue
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Camilla did some of the White House Staff Complimentary Cocaine and chased it with some E.
FancyShark
The White House gas leak continues to go unreported
gellaho
It's just that easy
gellaho
Just wander over to the passing by Secret Service members
FancyShark
The next three chapters are them beating Trent with various objects
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Wait, Camila..........do you believe in psychic shit or not? Because if not then why are you taking this seriously, and if you do then why are you not VERY concerned about the president apparently having some kind of psychic contact?
gellaho
Secret Service are messy boys
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
I mean all those parties in Brazil with cocaine and hookers, they probably dont have time to tidy their offices.
gellaho
Billy Dee decides this is a great opportunity to go through the plot so far
gellaho
Camila just walks in, which gives Trent time to think about "The nightclubs"
gellaho
And apparently just anybody can walk in, because here comes Maxwell
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
"I told you, Maxwell, after Ghana I'd kill you if I ever saw you again."
psychic combat ensues
gellaho
The writing in this is so funny, he has to constantly explain everything with asides. Even things that have already been made clear
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Because you were all already extremely unstable and would have maybe done something like........concocted a wild theory about it?
gellaho
"Doc and I know about the drug we were given. You probably know by now that it created some adverse side effects."
That's still weird and not how a human would talk, but it'd sure make things shorter
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
I love that Maxwells answer amounts to "Lol, no it didnt."
gellaho
Ah, there he is
gellaho
Gotta get ol' Adolf in there somewhere
Brendan
What if the human were given a drug that created some adverse side effects?
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Whoa whoa whoa, Billy, you didnt tell us Bobby Aimes was a pre Hitler!
gellaho
"Let us show the hu-mans what a remote viewer can do."
gellaho
I'd hope there'd be a little more spice on the dialog
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
You know who DOESNT know what Bobby was doing and why? Us, the readers.
Billy, you went to all the trouble to tell us that Doc has big fat titties but not that maybe Calloway is feeling guilty because he snuffed a Hitler.
gellaho
It's intrigue!
No, wait, annoying
FancyShark
They proceed to show a camera feed
gellaho
So Trent is trying to show proof of his psychic visions to the secret service. So, of course they leave him alone in a room with Doc to do the remote viewing
gellaho
Because that's how you prove something, do it in a separate room where nobody can see
FancyShark
The Frank Dux Way
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
"Dont worry, it will be equally vague and completely unhelpful."
gellaho
"I also see a statue of Paul Bunyan, and Babe the Blue Ox"
infinite tempest jakesy
Oh he's at the Minnesota/Michigan game
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
I really love how its clear research was done into like the actual experiements with psychic powers and what they took away is that authority figures are credulous dipshits who will believe anything you say if you say you saw it with your psychic powers.
gellaho
"I see an impossible frozen tourist trap in Idaho. Ice caverns big enough for tourists, displays, dinosaurs, and four different militia groups"
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Cool, great detail it really helps for when that nuke goes off in two days to know "A militia in Idaho is connected somehow."
Another impressive victory for Uncle Sams Psi Pspy Psquad.
FancyShark
They begin raiding all the Burlington Coat Factory outlets
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Its hilarious that the frozen cave is the least unbelieveable thing about this scenario.
gellaho
Looked it up, this is apparently a real place
FancyShark
His full name is Chief Ask Somebody Else
gellaho
I'm sure if they would have heard of this book, they'd be thrilled with the association with white supremacy
Brendan
Well that was useful. Good thing he didn't just see trees.
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
I mean if you dont like white supremacy and being connected to it dont be in Idaho.
Just move the cave is all im saying.
gellaho
Ahuh. No, I don't want any of your pamphlets
FancyShark
No amount of production will make meditation thrilling
gellaho
OK, but what does that threat actually mean
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Billy should know, death threats area lot more credible when they arent vague and anonymous.
Like the last thing you want is for your death threat to be a thinker.
gellaho
Meanwhile: Matt pretends to be an airplane
Brendan
Automatic writing! The remote viewing center is haunted by a g-g-g-GHOST!
infinite tempest jakesy
Mlike
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Calloway is still haunted by Saddam Husseins psychic projection.
Brendan
A remote battle for Matt's SOUL.
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Matt doesnt have a soul, he's from Idaho and was grown in the ground alongside his potato brothers.
gellaho
✅ Redhead
✅ Presenting
Brendan
Long walk to a redhead joke.
So...she was completely naked.
infinite tempest jakesy
HAWWWWWWKKKKKKEEEEE!
FancyShark
Possibly shoes
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Damn Jill might be both stupid AND too horny.
Brendan
This honestly tracks with my experience.
gellaho
✅ Quick shot
Brendan
Matt's got this going on and he wants to go commit psychic white supremicide?
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Oh no wonder shes so hornt up.
Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃
Wow dude
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Premature Mattjaculation.
Brendan
She sure does love sex with Matt for someone who's multi-orgasmic.
FancyShark
I guess if you're going to make a villain a suicide bomber, no reason to not make him bad at fucking
gellaho
Jill's reverse strip show makes Matt forget about her almost exploding the bomb
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Man if Matt wasnt also a white supremacist I'd say the narrative is really mean to him.
FancyShark
"Reverse strip"?
Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃
Like Discworld trolls?
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Hey Matt? Maybe if you have a bomb, dont design it in such a way that it can explode if you give it a casual pat. Or maybe dont leave it under YOUR FUCKING BED!
Brendan
Matt, you have so much to live for, and so little to do with it.
FancyShark
It is not a bump-free journey from Idaho to DC, Matt
Brendan
Well it's not like that thing's going to get quaked.
Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃
It sounds like he's ready to jizz in his pants all over again.
No refractory period, no stamina, no chill
Brendan
Only one premature explosion in this bedroom...LADIES.
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
For a dude we are supposed to think got this job for being an idiot, Matt sure does immediately prove that anyone whos going to do a bombing has to be slightly more intelligent than a jellyfish, because the dumb ones blow themselves up hours before hand.
Really its the guys who sent him on this mission that are the real idiots, Matt can barely find his dick.
infinite tempest jakesy
Hahahaha
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
You'll be lucky if he doesnt just blow up some town in Michigan.
infinite tempest jakesy
What's less than a one pump chump?
Brendan
Give it 30 seconds and it'll be hanging back where it started.
gellaho
They talk for a very long time
Brendan
One thrust-in Justin.
FancyShark
No pump and dumped
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Matt is a terrible white supremacist, doesnt he know hes not supposed to talk to women?
gellaho
Finally he tells her about the bomb
Brendan
It's okay, she has recessive Viking genes.
FancyShark
Until she showers
Brendan
Has Jill's father told her she's pregnant?
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Hahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahh even Jill, who's boyfriend who she loves is a prematurely ejaculating white supremacist idiot, thinks having the bomb under the bed where you fuck is dumb.
gellaho
Yes
Like I said, they talk a lot about the militia, putting her below the militia, getting married
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Jill and Matt practice Sicilian Birth Control. Get her pregnant and then you cant get her more pregnant.
gellaho
It was several pages long
How romantic
Brendan
Sicilians? No, no, the least white Greco-Italians, unacceptable.
FancyShark
Some vows are short and to the point
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Its really nice to see a couple so loving that she will (checks notes) not mess up his white supremacist bombing
Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃
She's willing to risk a lot for this guy who can't even get it halfway in.
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Does Jill know that alot of guys have dicks?
infinite tempest jakesy
He's had time to fire off three more rounds during this conversation
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
And some of us can even get it in before nutting?
gellaho
And a brand new car, how exciting
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Cos I feel like she might not and that might color her assessment of Matt.
FancyShark
"Why does the license plate say KABLOOY?"
Brendan
She wants psychic bebbehs tho
gellaho
Crested Butt
infinite tempest jakesy
Wway
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
"Its Latin. Means "Success in Life and Marriage."
Is the president fucking a tennis dude?
Brendan
Feels like something presidents don't do.
infinite tempest jakesy
He slapped Jill on the thigh, creaming his shorts yet again
Brendan
A good, WHITE license plate.
gellaho
Apparently the secret service weren't able to find Matt, but Trent was by - checks notes - calling the place he saw in his vision
FancyShark
It seems like being a psychic spy could be done just as easily with some postcards and a long distance phone plan
infinite tempest jakesy
Try being a psychic in a small town
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Ironically the FBI already knew Matts full name, dick size, refractory period (short) weekend plans and what he ate for breakfast.
gellaho
Now they spy on Jill. Will the thrills ever end!?
infinite tempest jakesy
Wait now he has psychic smell o vision?
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Calloway if you dont psychically dominate Jill and make her kill Matt you are a pussy who doesnt love America.
gellaho
Apparently he can talk to her brain without her knowing?
FancyShark
You're driving across the country with a nuke that gets set off if it jostles too much and you're going in a Jeep?
infinite tempest jakesy
This feels like a bad comic book situation where he just keeps getting new superpowers to solve all the plot holes
gellaho
SHOWING HIS POWER: a light slap
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
A Jeep Cherokee no less.
infinite tempest jakesy
About to be a psychic battle up in here
gellaho
It turned plural
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Saddam Hussein really hates Calloway after he stole his last manuscript and took credit for it, I guess.
Brendan
The nervous woman in the nuke-mobile will be calmed by my popping into her brain and interrogating her, thought Calloway, to himself and to Jill.
Brendan
Oh no, it is a Force diad.
infinite tempest jakesy
The plural is that there's a plot twist and it's not Saddam, but Uday and Qusay
Brendan
You know, that thing we all know? Force diads? No need to explain them.
infinite tempest jakesy
That's right, the Hussein Boys are back
gellaho
The immense power to make a waiter say mean things
gellaho
FancyShark
Be great if this turned into Fallen
gellaho
Meanwhile: Camila has flown to Crusty Butt
gellaho
And it's still Saturday?
FancyShark
You can get a lot done on a Saturday
gellaho
Those Canadians'll just let any ole nuke into their borders
gellaho
This is vital information, thank you
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Its great this library is nice.
Brendan
Russia, really courting that nuclear extinction.
FancyShark
Having worked at a library, I'm pretty sure if your feet sink into the carpet, that's not the carpet
gellaho
Here comes the President with some vital news of the Galactic Community
gellaho
infinite tempest jakesy
Also really, a nuke in DC? Call of Duty did it better
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Strange and awesome huh?
"Yeah the aliens sucked my dick, I swear it wasnt that intern again."
gellaho
All I can think of is Christopher Walken in Communion
FancyShark
BDW, you already showed us the psychics can make people say whatever they want. The whole "president is saying weird shit" isn't going to have a huge payoff if that's the reveal
infinite tempest jakesy
Bigfoot is real and he ate my ass
FancyShark
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
"Then they took out this thing that was cylindrical and pink. It made a weird buzzing vibration and they put it in my anus."
gellaho
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
"It wasnt sexual, let me be clear."
"I mean I got hard, and climaxed multiple times, but it wasnt sexual."
FancyShark
"Someone cut his mic"
gellaho
Wheeeee
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
"Just remember that when the Republicans try to make it a sex thing, It was. NOT. SEXUAL."
gellaho
Don't be too sure about that
FancyShark
The New York Post correspondent is going "I WAS RIGHT!"
infinite tempest jakesy
Do you think this is Billy Dee describing his own encounter with aliens
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
"I was frightened and also aroused by this tall woman, but it WAS. NOT. SEXUAL."
FancyShark
We're getting his Lando fanfic
gellaho
He had several sensuous nights with Chewbacca
infinite tempest jakesy
Like he's using "haha it's just a story I'm writing" as cover to tell everyone this
gellaho
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
"She harvested my DNA in the egg bed, but I reiterate, it was not sexual."
gellaho
Just keeps going
FancyShark
It's sad looking on this with a 2023 perspective. Because this guy still sounds better than any options we have
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
"Remember that even tho she said she would carry my star child to the ends of the universe as a reminder of our unity and love, it was 100% not sexual."
gellaho
"Me fucking an alien will achieve world peace"
gellaho
infinite tempest jakesy
GIF
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
"But remember, it wasnt sexual and I didnt cheat on my wife with a star slut."
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
did you need something or
gellaho
"My alien sexual fantasy is perfectly normal!"
FancyShark
"Having sex with a hot alien babe to achieve intergalactic peace" is also called "Kirk Story Template 2"
gellaho
"It's also perfectly normal that I dedicated this book to my children!"
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
"Totally normal and 100% not sexual."
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
do we know what colour she is?
FancyShark
Human-colored. Whatever that translates to.
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
not to be racist but i have a thing for green people
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
All he said was she was tall and had dark eyes so shes probably one of the Tall Whites as opposed to like a Reticulan or something.
gellaho
Gordon Maxwell is now in the old west
gellaho
It is still Saturday
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Im really curious to know if Billy is going to have the guts to nuke DC and have the second book be Psychic Mad Max Vs The Aryan Nation.
Brendan
Billy Dee Williams IS: President Lando Calrissian IN: Star Wars, Ep. X: COMMUNION
gellaho
He has driven to Durango to meet with the psychic who is obsessed with trains
And to fuck, because I guess that's what this book is now
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
"This film is rated N, for Not Sexual at All. No Sir."
"Just kidding it has Billy Dee Williams in it, its very sexual and rated R."
Brendan
This guy gets to be president AND bang a star-goddess AND become space-Abraham.
gellaho
Yeah, sure let's just change what psychics are capable of halfway through the book
FancyShark
Ritter sounds suspiciously like a star lady who seduced a certain president
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Corduroy, the ridged fabric of the chronic masturbator.
gellaho
Aw, the aliens are fake
gellaho
You are wise
FancyShark
I WAS JOKING!
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
hahahahahahahaha
FancyShark
I Was Seduced By A Psychic Spy
gellaho
Merrr-cen-arrr-ies
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Also I love the idea that the guy whos idea is "lets use psychic pspies to make the president believe in aliens." maybe doesnt know the ramifications of that decision, like thats a pretty big thing to just do on a whim and not thing about.
FancyShark
Ritter unhinges his inner set of jaws and eats a nearby rat
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Also most mercenaries have better sense than to work for a guy trying to establish his own white supremacist state, because they tend to pay in Bison Dollars.
gellaho
The Z-Factor
gellaho
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
well these guys could kidnap the queen from home so
Brendan
If I were these dudes, I would commit no evil, I'd just torture Nixon and Kissinger.
"Hi, I'm a Cambodian orphan! Why did you sabotage the Paris peace talks?"
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Oh I would fucking haunt Kissenger to his fuckin grave, it would rule.
FancyShark
I'd convince opinion journalists they were their own doppelgangers
gellaho
Yes, Trent's obsessiveness and instability. Definitely two traits Billy and Rob remembered to show
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Id give Ben Shapiro a deep seated phobia of mugs.
Brendan
Eventually it becomes an exercise in psychic kegels. Like how long can I hold this dude back from tipping the rotten fruit out of the brain-bowl he thinks is craz--ohhhh we became the sociopaths.
FancyShark
Worth it
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
I'd taunt ex-boyfriends tbh
I'm not a rolemodel
FancyShark
"We have only one option. Make the Navajo man tell Calloway oxygen is the source of suffering."
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Sociopathy is good when you apply it in the right direction, like haunting Kissenger with psychic visions until he kills himself or persuading Mussolinis granddaughter to take up a different profession to avoid being hanged upside down.
gellaho
Maxwell calls Wiley to see if the bomb is real. Wiley lies, which causes Maxwell to "send Ritter into him"
FancyShark
Deadmaus is the key to psychic warfare
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
"Electronic sound waves" could mean kidz bop
Brendan
Hey, @gellaho strictly so I can schedule my DoorDash, are we getting out in 20 or 50 here?
FancyShark
They really ARE evil
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Is..........is it ironic? Is a psychic who apparently has precognitive abiliteis predicting something successfully ironic? Is Billy being meta-ironic?
gellaho
They find out about the bomb by possessing Wiley, which he somehow doesn't notice despite how powerful he is
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
im bigoted against precogs actually
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Precogs are all narcs.
Brendan
Precogs, de facto, are bigoted against everyone.
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
Fuckin seers taking our jobs from the past
gellaho
I'm trying to get to Sunday, so we got like 8 pages
Brendan
Dope.
gellaho
Shouldn't be too long
Brendan
Overpriced Taco Bell, here I come!
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Crunch wraaaaaaaaaaap!
gellaho
Anyway, now another group of psychics is after the bomb
FancyShark
Ritter and the Boys are opening at the local bar this weekend
gellaho
And back to Matt
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
Taking notes on the us highway system
FancyShark
Good luck with that
Brendan
Just remember, Rachel, here we drive on the RIGHT.
gellaho
This is a great plan
Brendan
Because God has blessed our endeavor, which is what we call an endeavour.
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
i dont tell you how to drive, ypu dont tell me how to drive
Brendan
Unless you visit a blue state, in which case they drive on the GRANOLA UNICYCLE LANE.
I love being right about everything.
FancyShark
I'm 99% sure Vegas isn't going to let you fly a nuke to DC, Matt
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Hahahahahah Matt, if your car is owned by a dead person that is the FIRST thing that is gonna flag up my guy.
gellaho
A psychic voice compels Matt to hit Jill
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Like literally one of the first things that would be an issue.
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
whatever happened to the second amendment?
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Matt must nut cream filling or something because I cant belive a woman would be interested in him.
FancyShark
oh wait, Trent's visions were vague. He could have imagined Caesar's Palace and they're going to nuke Vegas instead
gellaho
Then, confusingly, the psychic voice compels him to throw the bomb away
Brendan
LOOK OUT, BILLY DEE'S GIRLFRIEND
gellaho
So I don't know what this voice was trying to accomplish with the domestic violence
FancyShark
Presumably trying to make them crash and blow up
Brendan
She wants redheaded psychic children, her options are limited.
Having dated one of either, I can't blame her.
gellaho
So, Matt gets rid of the bomb
FancyShark
I don't think Matt is psychic. Which means she really isn't getting anything out of this
Brendan
It will harmlessly nuke the Rio Grande.
FancyShark
"Broken Arrow" has a different meaning for Matt
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Not even delicious cream filling she milked out of his dick.
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
yeah i get it, @LyraV is pretty hot
gellaho
Then the voice compels them into oncoming traffic
Brendan
Lyra's pretty Hot Dog, we try not to sexualize her.
gellaho
Vroom vroom
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Nice.
gellaho
And that's a wrap on Saturday
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Credit where its due, this is a good use of psychic powers. Making a white supremacist drive into oncoming traffic in a Jeep Cherokee.
FancyShark
"Nice story, buddy. Now walk a straight line."
gellaho
And killing a pregnant woman
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
fuck you, single mother of three in the oncoming vehicle
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Eh you cant make an omlette without breaking a few people eggs.
gellaho
And I presume they hid the bomb so someone the psychics aren't trackinng can get the bomb
At any rate, we will resume with Sunday next Friday
FancyShark
We partly did it!
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Yeeeee, genuinely having fun with this one.
FancyShark
Great job, everybody!
Thank you, @gellaho !
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
A pleasure to guest spot with y'all.
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
I love the MKUltra lunacy, its great.
gellaho
May you all be struck with psychic lightning
FancyShark
Have a good night!
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Hahahaha if only.
LyraV
Just in time to get caught up hehe
Premium Apeshine FlippantSausage
Kissinger would have such a bad time.
dr
I didn't want to interrupt book cage, but this sentence pulled up an extremely vivid memory for me. Here. https://youtu.be/IT_sjisdgbk
Brendan
Statistically speaking, 78% of tractor trailer operators are already killers, so the odds of an intact conscience is good.
FancyShark
👏
infinite tempest jakesy
Only real ones know of Peter David and the Psi-Man
Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃
Time to play deadpost like Brendan did last week: this is the most unrealistic part so far, that a military officer would be forced to resign for sexual misconduct.
gellaho
The Book Cage: Episode 102.5 - PSI/Net
The President of the United States has been contacted by aliens to inseminate their queen. Or, wait, that was a false memory imprinted upon him by a psychic who is obsessed by trains. Unrelated, there's a white separatist movement led by the most powerful psychic on Earth, who has nothing ot do with the plot against the President, but who instead plans to nuke Washington, D.C. Then there's our main character, who's spent most of his time taking naps. Join me Friday, 5pm Eastern, for the conclusion of William December Williams' PSI/Net.
gellaho
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
hahaha I'm going to be so fucking confused.
gellaho
In one hour, we will see the end of PSI/Net. Welcome to Sunday
gellaho
Behold a preview of the riveting action:
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
Nice try, Billy Dee, but Doc and Sleepy are different dwarves.
gellaho
gellaho
I am in your mind. The adventure continues
gellaho
If you recall, Matt and his pregnant girlfriend were forced to commit suicide by a sinister voice in Matt's mind.
They have already found their bodies
Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃
Yeah I was confused, I thought they handed the bomb over to another guy at some point.
gellaho
The voice compelled Matt to hide it in an overpass
FancyShark
"Based on the state of the bodies, it appears Matt Hennig couldn't fuck."
gellaho
William Williams writes "drove on the wrong side of the interstate" three times
Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃
"His pants are full of semen for some reason."
FancyShark
"We're assuming they were intensely stupid, because look at them."
Hi Fancy, I'll probably have to make dinner as usual but I'll pop in for a little.
gellaho
"He was driving backwards"
"What?"
"He was driving the wrong way"
"Huh?"
"On the interstate?"
"Did you say the interstate?"
Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃
In reverse?
gellaho
Thanks for welcoming me to my own thing
You're just like discord
FancyShark
Someone should!
Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃
Welcome, Gellaho, to Book Cage! Ever joined in before?
gellaho
The secret service guy (still not sure why they're involved), doubts only the bomb part of the psychic visions.
Good thing Calloway immediately gets another
gellaho
I dunno, sounds pretty dumb
FancyShark
He envisions an upside down grin
gellaho
Let's just undercut any intrigue by having Calloway immediately see where the bomb was hidden
FancyShark
"Wait, they turned around?"
gellaho
Maybe psychic powers aren't the best thing for aa thriller
Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃
It's like how many Star Trek TNG episodes would be moot if Troi's powers worked as advertised.
gellaho
Meanwhile Maxwell has been found out. It's almost like invading the mind of the most powerful psychic in North America was a bad idea
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
GIF
gellaho
And I guess Maxwell was responsible for killing the pregnant woman and stealing a nuke
gellaho
And telling Matt to beat the pregnant woman
Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃
Is no one in this book shitty on their own??
FancyShark
It must've been a job requirement
Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃
Weirdly my kid is watching a Batman cartoon with hypnotized butlers.
gellaho
I guess working with white supremacists and incepting the president weren't bad enough?
FancyShark
Feels like Maxwell is copying Wiley's homework
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
GIF
gellaho
Oh, and he went to pick up the nuke on his own
gellaho
Bold play
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
Nuke handling's only a one man job if you do it right
FancyShark
On the other hand, no cop would ever live down the time they pulled over a guy and he had a nuke in the car. Yeah, sure, Gary. We totally believe you.
gellaho
Good thing nobody noticed the corvette on two wheels
FancyShark
Bitchin' car stunts are the best way to avoid detection
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
GIF
gellaho
And now, another Book Cage essential: Respecting the Dumpster trademark
FancyShark
At this point, I'm convinced Dumpster is the company Disney tells horror stories about
gellaho
Maxwell's master plan is to reason with the genocidal maniac
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
Dumpster: fuck with us and they'll never find your body
FancyShark
Maxwell's best plan since the food processor lollipop
gellaho
And don't worry, Doc and Calloway immediately know what happened
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
GIF
Brendan
It's dumb that events don't link to the actual channel and HI how is our favorite idiot psi?
gellaho
Figuring out everything as soon as it happens
Apparently Wiley can cause heart attacks. Which makes sense, the heart is in the brain, right?
FancyShark
Hi, @Brendan !
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
It's like Bioshock, he tells your brain to tell your heart to stop beating
Brendan
Go to hell, M--oh wait, hi Shark!
gellaho
Famously scientifically accurate
FancyShark
Seems silly to need a nuke if you can kill people with your thoughts
gellaho
Out of nowhere, Doc reveals that everyone who took the psychic drugs are connected in the "net"
gellaho
It's like an energy that binds them all together, that they can feel. Like some kinda vibe
FancyShark
Sandra Bullock's reach is extensive
gellaho
Or... force
But I can't imagine where Billy would have gotten that idea
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
Buddhism, maybe?
I mean it's where the last guy got it.
gellaho
By the way, I love that this calls him a novelist. He cowrote two books. This and the sequel to this, the name I refuse to reveal at this time
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
you just need one! that's all it takes!
FancyShark
Maybe he heard about it from Michael Keaton while filming Batman
gellaho
Anyway, the evil psychics try to choke her brain out
gellaho
gellaho
Again, can't imagine where he got that from
FancyShark
"Get ready to be dead"
I bet with the right inflection, you could get someone pumped with that line
gellaho
The president got kidnapped by aliens? Ho-hum
FancyShark
Aout
Covering for @infinite tempest jakesy
infinite tempest jakesy
Haha thank you, I'm currently in a meeting
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
hahaha summary bot has no fucking clue what is happening.
gellaho
OK, OK, OK.
OK
So
Brendan
Behold the grammar of the master race.
gellaho
You know how it was revealed that the president's alien encounter was fake?
FancyShark
Yeah?
gellaho
Turns out aliens are real though
FancyShark
hahaha
Brendan
Are you a BAD enough DUDE to invent FTL puursuit vehicles?
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
FancyShark
He's padding the word count with actual conspiracy theories
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
Not to be a pedant, but they're not aliens if they're from earth, even future earth
FancyShark
"Also, they can time travel"
GDC
When was this written? This is the plot of the X-Files.
FancyShark
Hi, @Rachel, Godhead Aspect ! Hi, @GDC !
Brendan
Aliens are time-alien Earth natives here to fuck apes.
gellaho
Fuck, what a sentence
GDC
I was on vacation for part one so I have no idea what's going on. Besides aliens kidnapping a president.
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
Me: not to be a pedant
Also me, immediately thereafter: [pedantry]
gellaho
"I don't want to judge the aliens stealing our genetic material that I see through remote psychic viewings, OK"
FancyShark
President had a sexy dream about an alien. The dream was sent to him by a psychic
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
Well they could be trying to help bigfoot fight off the extradimensional evil
FancyShark
It has very little to do with the main story
Which is about psychics trying to stop other psychics, who are terrorists, from nuking DC
gellaho
What do you mean "interpretations?" You're not reading fucking tea leaves, you are seeing them and reading their minds!
gellaho
FancyShark
Listen, gellaho. Anal probings can have all sorts of meanings depending on context, culture and probe size
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
oh shit it's multidimensional
GDC
The human brain is basically a lament configuration
Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃
Mine is
Brendan
just watchin'interspecies timeporn
gellaho
Now the intrusive voices are trying to get them to drink nonalcoholic beer
gellaho
The fiends
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
I wish mine just did that
gellaho
If "Godslayer" is true, only Norse gods can solve the problems of the human mind
Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃
Yeah, be worried about your crappy job, that's what's important right now, not nuclear annihilation.
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
Also i went to a work lunch today and my coworker paid eight dollars for a non-alcoholic beer. Is she an alien?
I assumed so at the time.
gellaho
I really would like to continue the Godslayer series, but every sequel is over 400 pages long
"Meow"
FancyShark
Get a laser pointer and fuck up their day
Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃
"You want a catnip mouse? There's a new six-pack under the couch."
gellaho
Oh, and Perez lives in an underground mansion
FancyShark
Perez got a great deal from some company called "Umbrella"
gellaho
Ensconced in a modest rocky butt
FancyShark
You really will chip a tooth on that
Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃
Too bad, garage doors are sooo secure
gellaho
They really do all talk like robots
FancyShark
Hidden sensors like he can find you with his mind from across the country
gellaho
"That is correct, human friend. That is the name he heard when he was utilizing remote viewing for the winning lottery digits."
Nah
This book is about science
Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃
Hidden sensors like his Nest doorbell camera
gellaho
Perez's coward fucking hole
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
he's lying down underneath a false bottom way down the hole
gellaho
Will the wonders ever cease?
FancyShark
It's the Get Smart opening credits
Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃
Calloway has never been in a lobby before.
"Doors within doors, what madness is this?"
LyraV
It's FRIDAY! I had mistaken today for the wrong universe boooook cage awww yeah.
gellaho
As opposed to the multitime refugees
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
Now what? Five more doors, then the bad movie theater
FancyShark
Hi, @LyraV !
It's where he has the goatee that's really surprising
gellaho
It's because Spanish doesn't have contractions.
LyraV
Lean and muscular with close cropped hair and goatee, so an evil magician?
gellaho
Don't look that up
FancyShark
So he's Data
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
... he's going to steal you from me isnt he?
FancyShark
Lyra can't help it. Only magicians know how to extract the money behind her ears. It's free money!
gellaho
What magical technology
gellaho
That's what I learned from Magus Blacklaw
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
I miss Tingo Spellhands.
LyraV
Don't we all
FancyShark
Perez whispers drink orders into a credit card. He's an eccentric man.
gellaho
So, do you think it was Billy or Rob who spent a lot of time on early internet conspiracy websites?
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
It worked in the commercials!
gellaho
If you need any help deciding
GDC
That guy's got big MUFON energy.
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
We're in one of those high levels of X-level solar flares right now actually
FancyShark
Hard to say. Rob looks like he spends most of his time fly fishing
Not outdoors. He can't stand bugs. And he prefers those fake fly lures
Okay, fine. He has magazine subscriptions
But he's saving up for a rod
LyraV
Oh my that's...what he went with for his author photo a white baseball cap and .06 percent scruff.
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
not a joke but it's a lil science fact for you
gellaho
Weird way to spend a year abroad, but OK
FancyShark
"What did you study in America?"
"How to be a maid for a creep in a mountain. You?"
LyraV
She was built like a Toyota Corolla hence my recollections
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
but yknow even x class flares are less "eradicate life" and more "inconvenience telecommunications"
gellaho
He figured she drove the Toyota he say in the garage. Because Swedes love Toyotas?
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
Weirdest internship this year. If you don't count twitter.
gellaho
Let's settle down with the use of the word "published"
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
it's... yodelable?
LyraV
Look if the X-level flares take out X I think that means the we win WW3 so...good stuff all around.
gellaho
I've had papers with a higher publishing rate
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
yeah that's less publish and more stick on a few bulletin boards
Ferroday Plays Both Sides
important context for the author:
ROB MACGREGOR is an Edgar award-winning author, whose novel, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, appeared on the New York Times bestseller list. He is the author of seventeen novels, ten non-fiction books, and has teamed with George Lucas, Peter Benchley, and Billy Dee Williams. He writes both adult and young adult mysteries, adventure, and science fiction/ fantasy. He and his wife, Trish, also write the Sydney Omarr's Astrological Guides. They also co-authored The Seven Secrets of Synchronicity in 2010 and their sequel, Synchronicity and the Other Side, will be published this spring.Double Heart is the third in a series of award-winning novels set on the Hopi Reservation and Aspen, Colorado. The novels were inspired by Rob's experiences residing on an Indian reservation--Little Earth of the United Tribes--where he was editor of a community newspaper for four years. Rob later worked as a freelance travel writer and, with Trish, organized adventure tours to South America --including trips along the Amazon and into the Andes. In his spare time, he teaches yoga, and is an avid off-road mountain biker and windsurfer.
Brendan
That's thhe Grays
FancyShark
So not a bad guy, but not someone you'd probably want to talk to at a party
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
What's an edgar?
gellaho
I've read incomprehensible shit filled with typos, and this somehow feels like the worst written book I've read
gellaho
I'm guessing it has to do with Poe
Brendan
For the Majestic 12
gellaho
This feels like it was written by someone in the fifth grade, but who knows a couple big words
Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃
GIF
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
Lmao, they paint visuals about as well as i do
gellaho
It's just so stilted and weird
LyraV
Wait I changed my mind, apologize for calling me Trent then call me 'Dragon' instead
LyraV
I bet his yoga class is a delight, no notes.
gellaho
This does have the energy of a children's book, like every sentence has to partially explain the previous one
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
Starring Trent "The Dragon" Wilson
gellaho
You know, I thought it'd be impossible to do a title drop in this book
I was wrong
gellaho
I mean, just look at it
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
just dont go near rivers dude
GDC
Missed an opportunity to make the slash a lightning bolt.
gellaho
Clearly Rob wasn't rad enough
This book must repeat everything thrice. Including "deep shit"
FancyShark
Extra large quantities of fecal material, indeed
Not sure what purpose the slash has in PSI/Net
gellaho
It's to show they're divided, I guess?
The writing is getting real bad
FancyShark
I keep reading it like "either PSI and/or Net"
Brendan
because they're coding the human MIND, man
FancyShark
duuuuuuuuude
It's weird how cliche this book is, considering how few stories play out this way
gellaho
Meanwhile, Maxwell has apparently found the only hotel in America without a phone
FancyShark
Trumbled
Window air conditioners were created to make people hate their electric bill while remaining overheated
gellaho
This is not how that works
Brendan
Of course the mountain bunker has--Susan, look at me--THREE heat pump units.
gellaho
Classic hot blonde spy in a sports car
FancyShark
Could people actually call phone booths? That happened all the time in movies and TV shows, but the operators always got really angry when I'd try to leave a callback number
A geiger counter enthusiast drives past Maxwell and slams on the brakes
GDC
I remember trying to call one phone booth from the one next to it, but it didn't work
gellaho
It is weird how much this book wants me to know how much tail the racist rapist can get
FancyShark
Women love confidence. And no one has as much confidence as a goddamn racist
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
...i'm glad i missed the rape
FancyShark
It was mentioned but not described in detail
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
Megaman should have killed that fucker
Damn asimov
Brendan
Yes.
You could also test the phone by entering a code to make it ring.
gellaho
Then they meet in a dirty bathroom
Brendan
Or call the operator and ask for your quarter back, which they'd release remotely.
Weird stuff!
FancyShark
Oooo, right! I remember that! We used to do that to prank people
Brendan
Mechanical devices had a lot of features tech dipshits ascribe to electronic revolution.
Please read my upcoming rant, "Smart Homes Are Pretty Fucking Stupid."
FancyShark
"Well, it's a bathroom. So if you want me to drop a bomb, you should let me close the stall door."
gellaho
The Unibomber a hundredfold, or: The Centibomber
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
Oh I knew calling booths, but didn't know that one, cool
FancyShark
Wasn't the girl Wiley's daughter?
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
Phones were cool
gellaho
She was the daughter of a subordinate of Wiley
FancyShark
Ah, that was it. Thank you!
gellaho
Maxwell convinces Wiley to try to attack Perez
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
more of a hectobomber
gellaho
So if this doesn't lead to a seige of Perez's compound, I'll be disappointed
FancyShark
Chekov's Underground Mansion
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
Well why even have a compound if not to get raided?
gellaho
I mean, I could have said that. But, nobody actually uses most of the SI prefixes
Part 1 of my twelve part series: "The Metric System: Overrated"
Sexual misconduct in the Oval Office? Why, I never
gellaho
Ah
FancyShark
Not sure the president banging a space lady is going to affect the DMV's ability to deny you a license plate
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
As far as im concerned if you don't like hectares you can go walk 2.7 acres
LyraV
If I'm remembering correctly some of them had their number listed above those metal number grids?
gellaho
This book doesn't have enough ideas, let's introduce laser drills
LyraV
If those walls could talk they'd say 'ew these old dudes are pervs'
gellaho
Camila tells the president everything
gellaho
It's good luck nobody's watching the Calloway's ex-wife, who is the "spokesman for the president"
Certainly not someone you'd want to keep tabs on if you're targeting the president
And don't worry, Calloway has already psychically found the nuke
gellaho
It is possible that psychics are bad for fiction
FancyShark
If you're going to nuke a place, starting with their Holiday Inn is just polite
gellaho
There are probably a couple of holiday inns in salt lake
Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃
Make sure it's not at the Holiday Inn Express
LyraV
We found mutated turtles doing martial arts in there and decided it was much more entertaining than this Mr President
gellaho
Welcome to Monday
FancyShark
Just another Mind War Monday
LyraV
Nooooooo I just found out it was Friday come on
gellaho
So, they disarmed the nuke and that's... bad?
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
I mean, it was salt lake city
Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃
So it's a fake
gellaho
Calloway is meeting with the president. He feels uncomfortable because his collar is open, which he can't fix
gellaho
Because I guess he's afraid of buttons?
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
Perez wanted to say "i have a bad feeling about this," but his lawyer advised against it
FancyShark
He knows that he looks like a slutty alien without his collar buttoned. And he knows the prez will be all over that
gellaho
Two robots flirt
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
I'd call that a fatal error
Nice emoji work sharkman
gellaho
I guess neither Billy nor Rob ever saw Mission Impossible. Not a lot of contractual form signings
GDC
This check will self destruct in five seconds
FancyShark
Nothing gets the pulse pounding like being told not to exceed two hours
gellaho
You know what, I take back everything I said about the writing
gellaho
That is some "as long as ten tall men are tall" shit
LyraV
If he were a Potter he would have crafted an elegant case to put the five grand in.
FancyShark
If he were a whistler, he'd have whistled as much as ten whistlers would whistle
gellaho
Sexy
FancyShark
Dude loves that game
gellaho
I did forget he was the crossdresser
But not for long
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
If he was a whistler, he'd do it at midnight.
FancyShark
Imagine you have the power to read the aether and view the actions of anyone alive and you end up only using it to find out some dude wears a dress
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
if y'all want a reaction from me on this, you can wait all you want
gellaho
The energy implies that the psychics were making him crossdress
He feels the same energy when he views the president with the aliens
FancyShark
That conspiracy theory is at least fun
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
Oh so the energy is him being turned on
Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃
Are we gonna get a cross-species sex scene or what?
gellaho
Sticky mesh of awareness
Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃
*mess
FancyShark
Not so much a net as a cluster
gellaho
"But fucking that alien queen felt so real!"
FancyShark
"My Fellow Americans. I have good news. I was deceived by malicious psychics into believing I'd tapped a star lady. You can all calm down now."
gellaho
Fuck me, that's a tortured set up
FancyShark
DON'T THINK OF ANYTHING WEIRD OR THE PSYCHIC COALITION OF TERRORISTS WILL CONTROL YOU!
Brendan
A sad day for America when even the President can't land one of our hyper-evolved descendents with their twiglike limbs and hairless pubis
gellaho
Maybe parallel construction isn't your friend. Especially when it's just "He [past-tense verb]"
Brendan
You fuck even the ugliest Gray, that's like ten supermodels at once on the Ape Scale.
gellaho
At least he didn't fuck any of the reptilians
Which, I will remind you, is real in this book
gellaho
Especially when "He" starts referring to a different character
FancyShark
Buckaroo Banzai's never going to show up at this rate
gellaho
This seriously has the sentence construction of a child
FancyShark
Ceyes
Brendan
If anything deserves passive speech, it's food, but also no./
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
If the next presidential scandal is less stupid than this, i will give you twenty dollars
Brendan
Canadian or US?
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
Doesn't matter
gellaho
The cadence is just so plain, I don't really know how to articulate it
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
He's not seeing a cent of it.
gellaho
It's like if I was reading this out loud, the only way would be monotone
Like a kid reading a book report
Brendan
They say the best-selling books for adults are written at a third-grade level. But somehow it even lacks poesy and rhetoric.
Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃
Unless they're trying to say he didn't eat it.
Now I'm imagining the waiter stealing bites while he's distracted.
gellaho
Oh, no! Trent's Airstream!
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
She just scarfed it down right infront of him, total power move.
FancyShark
Couldn't even give him the dignity to explode it as he was walking back to it
gellaho
This is written like a police report
FancyShark
The writing equivalent of patting your pockets for whatever you were supposed to bring
gellaho
Will the mystery of Bobby Aimes be revealed? Not yet
FancyShark
Bobby "He Was Basically Hitler" Aimes
LyraV
This dude loves commenting on people weight, come on bro
gellaho
Billy Dee and Rob have great game
FancyShark
ew
LyraV
He touched her after she very politely asked him to stop, what a class act.
Brendan
We were embedded in Belfast. For four weeks we slept, ate, shat, and drank in an abandoned factory doing recon of Real IRA. We held each other, as men do.
gellaho
initialize(hippieBot, compound: true)
FancyShark
if(var trucking = true)
{set trucking = true};
gellaho
It was revealed like a hundred pages ago that the president's alien was fake, but the characters are still debating it. With fantastic dialogue
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
I think it's real aliens from earth personally
gellaho
Meanwhile, Maxwell imagines getting some clothed upper-boob
GDC
But no further than the tops, until they're married.
FancyShark
He's not wrong, but it's also not something that should be mentioned as a relatable impulse
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
That's.. what? Running his fingers over the top?
Brendan
Hey, if the president fucks an alien in a dream but his real human penis nocturnally emits, is he still a real man?
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
Whatever happened to a good old fashioned squeeze?
gellaho
You think?
gellaho
GDC
I think it means he was playing them like bongos.
gellaho
Jesus Christ, I get it! He's a bad guy!
FancyShark
Some wingmen should not be wingmen
Brendan
I think the term is accomplice.
gellaho
Luckily, cartoon crazy Ritter comes along to put a stop to that
gellaho
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
remember if your wingman helps beforehand it's aiding, if he helps afterwards it's abetting
gellaho
Maxwell and Ritter dump some loads
FancyShark
Jthe
Ritter's trick skeleton routine always gets a laugh
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
Y'know i dont like this guy pushing his way inside with his load
gellaho
I guess this is just what happens when they have a conference call
Brendan
You should all heed her words, she's a lawyer and a sex pest.
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
brendan that's hurtful
It's society's fault im a lawyer
gellaho
You know, Robert Monroe
gellaho
Everyone knows Robbie
FancyShark
Hell yeah, Big Robbie. Robino. Robster. The Monroe Monster.
GDC
His methods are famous
Brendan
Anything to get out of West Virginia.
NO DON'T LAUGH AT THAT, it's a beautiful state!
They seceded from secessionist Virginia, they deserve our respect!
gellaho
They are going to swallow them
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
They have our respect, that's the home of the A.I.M.S. team
Brendan
Do you think these Republican Sith lords "look in" on one another?
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
Which reminds me to get on those character sheets
gellaho
Riveting
FancyShark
Light admin prep work. PSI/NET!
gellaho
Well, now you've gone and reminded Trent Calloway of the tragic death of his dear friend Bobby Aimes
Fascinating technology
FancyShark
Behold the might of Alexa
gellaho
I mean, closed circuit wasn't that impressive in 1999, but whatever
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
It's the sliding panels that really impress
gellaho
We're going to catch that bastard! Quick, to the new age relaxation room!
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
(A guy off screen is pulling them open and closed with rope)
FancyShark
Perez really doesn't get what interns do
GDC
They're trapped in the softcore porn set
gellaho
See! I told you!
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
Shut up and bring me my coffee, dutchman
FancyShark
Which air force? Nevermind. Moving on
gellaho
Is it weird that both Michael Dorn's and Billy Dee's characters were in the air force?
FancyShark
It is the flashiest of the military branches
Rachel, Godhead Aspect
y'know this book reminds me, never ask for head from a psychic.
(This PSA was court-ordered)
GDC
If they were really psychic you wouldn't have to ask.
gellaho
Totally nutso crazy
gellaho
I'm going to tell the coast guard you said that
Good, good. Back to incomprehensibility
FancyShark
Their entire plan was half a second of maybe knives
That's barely a cantrip
gellaho
Alright, seriously, do we need to take the internet away from Billy Dee?
FancyShark
It's encouraging that he saw all these conspiracy theories and decided "novel" instead of "new way of life"
GDC
Electromagnetic fields do not work that way.
gellaho
My favorite thing is that the electromagnetic force is a misnomer that physicists just kept going with
Electromotive, excuse me
Camila, you're the goddamned press secretary
FancyShark
Eshe
So the fact a nuke was intercepted at a Holiday Inn gets no coverage at all?
GDC
The press secretary can't afford their own place?
gellaho
Camila braves a public forest trail
gellaho
FancyShark
The idea Sally "competed for her attention" makes Sally sound like a pet or a child
gellaho
Which is apparently the goddamned Forbidden Forest
GDC
She comes upon a mystical, overly friendly off leash golden retriever.
gellaho
Camila recalls a childhood memory of fucking bugs
FancyShark
This is what they mean by someone going bugfuck insane
GDC
Camilla wonders if those mushrooms she foraged earlier had anything to do with this.
gellaho
Frogs are basically the same as canaries in coal mines
FancyShark
When The Frogs Fade Away was the original title
gellaho
Guess what?
gellaho
Aliens.
FancyShark
"You're the president's spokewoman, right? Why didn't he call me?"
gellaho
Boy, this is something else
GDC
This just strengthens my mushroom theory.
gellaho
The alien beam causes Camila to think about time weirdly
gellaho
I've never seen someone write out time longhand
FancyShark
BDW read Slaughterhouse Five and decided now was the time to make another subplot
GDC
Any self respecting alien knows you fuck with your abductees watch. This is amateur hour.
gellaho
Camila goes back to her room and finds a note
Good news!
FancyShark
Not THE Bruce Willis. But this one is good too! He plays a banjo.
gellaho
Camila gets some psychic alien talk
GDC
Camilla isn't going out of her way for Bruce Willis. She expects Clooney or better.
gellaho
"Oh, Bruce Willis, sorry I said a joke you couldn't possibly understand"
FancyShark
$5 says Billy Dee Williams has told that joke at a party
GDC
Camilla would have gone to the party if Billy Dee Williams was there.
gellaho
Meanwhile, Maxwell is back on the conspiracy nonsense
FancyShark
This is a long walk to "people who wear tinfoil hats are right"
GDC
Either that or everyone needs to start living under high voltage power lines.
gellaho
Maxwell's troop is going to try and convince the FBI agent to kill everyone
gellaho
Oh, and Camila's alien thing was fake
I know, very surprising that they'd spend 10 pages on it when we already knew about a fake alien encounter
And Maxwell doesn't know about this one, I guess
There was a time in this book where people weren't just sitting in rooms
I miss that
Maybe so. But maybe no
FancyShark
Hate it when people crash at my mountain compound and can't take a hint on when to leave
gellaho
Ah, that fake alien encounter gave Camila psychic powers
gellaho
Fuck me, that may be the worst thing I've ever read
FancyShark
That
why
BDW, why?
At least we know where the editor gave up
gellaho
Either Billy Dee or Rob gave up too
I refuse to believe two people were OK with this
I mean
FancyShark
Mansions get you drunk. What's so hard to understand?
gellaho
She doesn't know what the fucking moon looks like!?!?
FancyShark
Seriously?!
Brendan
I give you the moon, Camila!
GDC
"Why does it say CHA on it?"
gellaho
Oh my God! What is that!?
FancyShark
AAAGGGGHHHH! KILL IT!
gellaho
FancyShark
She felt BLINK...BLINK...
Billy must've gotten Rob some Colt 45s
gellaho
This is the most clinical way you could describe someone being psychically controlled
gellaho
FancyShark
The official drink of PSI/NET
gellaho
I feel like it would be hard to psychically convince someone to do something when they have no idea what it is
gellaho
RIP Tyler
FancyShark
And that's why you don't let people stay at your home
gellaho
Oh, and Doc was who got shot off page
gellaho
Best keep that away from the reader
FancyShark
It's not like she's been a major character
gellaho
Calloway felt all those men, those sweaty, angry men inside
FancyShark
Johnstone making it weird, as usual
gellaho
Very bizarre
Those are still supposed to be, you know, actual people
But don't worry, Calloway knows what to do
Try and rip his fucking face off
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
GIF
gellaho
Then they almost succeed in getting Calloway to kill himself
FancyShark
Wait, I thought Tyler was Perez
gellaho
Eduardo Perez is the psychic who won the lottery
FancyShark
ohhhh
gellaho
Tyler was one of the secret service agents
This book has far too many characters considering most of them do very little
Trent is saved(?) when the racist militia shows up
FancyShark
That old cliche
There are Steven Seagal movies that have fewer characters and more coherency than this
gellaho
Oh, also Fielding (the possessed FBI agent) died off page in the beginning of the next chapter
gellaho
Oh, and it turns out the waitress Maxwell thought he was psychically manipulating is with Wiley
FancyShark
Wiley pulls way too much for a villain with that many flaws
gellaho
Very weird how much this book lionizes this genocidal maniac
FancyShark
Freedom Nation is truly bolstered by someone working below minimum wage
gellaho
And now the waitress is doing exposition dumps
FancyShark
Did we even hear about the VP's wife?
gellaho
Oh, also, the alien thing was Wiley's plan all along
gellaho
It was mentioned once about two hundred pages ago. I skipped it
FancyShark
This massive reveal would have more impact if the random events added up to something
gellaho
Then the middle aged, and out of shape Maxwell is so strong it requires all the psychics to stop him
FancyShark
lol
"No, you are!"
gellaho
All of the psychics are loyal to Wiley for, let me just check...
No reason
Oh, and they also have another nuke
gellaho
How? Why?
FancyShark
What was even the point of the first one?
gellaho
That's not up to the writer to say, apparently
gellaho
So they could kill a pregnant woman and a dumbass who didn't know any better?
I guess?
FancyShark
That sure will show...America?
gellaho
Spent a lot of time characterizing those two.
Kind of the only two who got any real characterization. And they died 110 pages ago
FancyShark
Either they shuffled some pages in from another story or Billy and Rob are just making shit up as it occurs to them
gellaho
Anyway, Perez had a secret exit. So no seige
FancyShark
Tpushed
BOOOOOO
These stories always promise a massive secure fortress showdown and never deliver. It's always "we got past your security"
GDC
Not quite as memorable as Tmoney.
FancyShark
Counting psychics with his tongue
gellaho
Using your psychic abilities!? What a concept!
gellaho
Only Jagged Steele. Praise be to the Hawke
FancyShark
Blessings of the Voice of Doom be upon you
I miss the psychic bullshit of Psi-Man. At least he had an asshole dog that knew how to get shit done
gellaho
I wonder where Billy Dee got the idea of this mind trick
gellaho
Can't put my finger on it
FancyShark
Poltergeist?
gellaho
It helped that he didn't instantly know everything
If he did, he probably wouldn't have double teamed that robot with his Nazi dog
At the domed Disneyland
Uh oh
I guess I should have figured this would happen at some point given the subject matter, but I figure it would have happened earlier if it was going to happen at all
FancyShark
Goddammit, Billy Dee
Racism is an instance where "show, don't tell" doesn't need to apply
gellaho
It is way too late for this, dude
gellaho
You can't spring this up in the last 5% of the book\
If you wanted that to be the tone, you gotta do make that the whole book
FancyShark
But how will you know he's a bad guy? All he did was...let me see here...every evil thing that happened in the book
gellaho
And also maybe not in the psychic book with aliens
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
GIF
hell of a time to check back in on this one, holy
FancyShark
Yeah. The racism started like a shitty fireworks finale
gellaho
The entire thing was kinda about that, but in a really cartoonish way
Anyway, Camila calls the cops on the radio
gellaho
And is convinced she has solved all the problems
FancyShark
Unfortunately, she neglected to give an address
gellaho
Oopsie, second nuke
FancyShark
Whoopsie
gellaho
Oh, and now dead Julie's dad is back
gellaho
And I guess the other bomb was fake? Even though it was disarmed?
FancyShark
What kind of range does that remote have? I can't download a firmware update for my PS4 when it's on the other side of the room from my router
gellaho
Oh, and the nuke is also a distraction
FancyShark
Why do you need a nuke to distract from something that will look like natural causes, Wiley?
If anything, that's going to raise more questions
gellaho
The militia catches up and shoots Eduardo
FancyShark
If you were giving him alien dreams to test range and intensity, why give him dreams that would result in public attention? Just so you didn't have to have someone ask him what he dreamed about?
gellaho
Apparently Perez dying is a good thing?
FancyShark
Eduardo deserves props for humoring his intrusive guests so much he got himself shot
That's not a net. That's a chain
gellaho
But, this also implies that Doc is still alive even though they left her for dead
Luckily, the authorities are here
gellaho
But that can't do anything about the airspace over DC?
FancyShark
Famously impossible to defend, the DC airspace
Brendan
This WAS right after a Piper divebombed the white hosue
gellaho
Calloway heroically takes a nap
Badger, alias "Señor Thief"
one of those pre-9/11 racism novels
Brendan
The unsung heroes of right-wing terrorism.
gellaho
PSI/Net
FancyShark
Conference Calls: The Height of Power
gellaho
Wouldn't Maxwell dying also create a hole? Eh, whatever
