102: PSI/Net Billy Dee Williams & Rob MacGregor

Brendan

Give it 30 seconds and it'll be hanging back where it started.

gellaho

They talk for a very long time

Brendan

One thrust-in Justin.

FancyShark

No pump and dumped

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Matt is a terrible white supremacist, doesnt he know hes not supposed to talk to women?

gellaho

Finally he tells her about the bomb

Brendan

It's okay, she has recessive Viking genes.

FancyShark

Until she showers

Brendan

Has Jill's father told her she's pregnant?

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Hahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahh even Jill, who's boyfriend who she loves is a prematurely ejaculating white supremacist idiot, thinks having the bomb under the bed where you fuck is dumb.

gellaho

Yes

Like I said, they talk a lot about the militia, putting her below the militia, getting married

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Jill and Matt practice Sicilian Birth Control. Get her pregnant and then you cant get her more pregnant.

gellaho

It was several pages long

How romantic

Brendan

Sicilians? No, no, the least white Greco-Italians, unacceptable.

FancyShark

Some vows are short and to the point

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Its really nice to see a couple so loving that she will (checks notes) not mess up his white supremacist bombing

Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃

She's willing to risk a lot for this guy who can't even get it halfway in.

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Does Jill know that alot of guys have dicks?

infinite tempest jakesy

He's had time to fire off three more rounds during this conversation

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And some of us can even get it in before nutting?

gellaho

And a brand new car, how exciting

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Cos I feel like she might not and that might color her assessment of Matt.

FancyShark

"Why does the license plate say KABLOOY?"

Brendan

She wants psychic bebbehs tho

gellaho

Crested Butt

infinite tempest jakesy

Wway

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"Its Latin. Means "Success in Life and Marriage."

Is the president fucking a tennis dude?

Brendan

Feels like something presidents don't do.

infinite tempest jakesy

He slapped Jill on the thigh, creaming his shorts yet again

Brendan

A good, WHITE license plate.

gellaho

Apparently the secret service weren't able to find Matt, but Trent was by - checks notes - calling the place he saw in his vision

FancyShark

It seems like being a psychic spy could be done just as easily with some postcards and a long distance phone plan

infinite tempest jakesy

Try being a psychic in a small town

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Ironically the FBI already knew Matts full name, dick size, refractory period (short) weekend plans and what he ate for breakfast.

gellaho

Now they spy on Jill. Will the thrills ever end!?

infinite tempest jakesy

Wait now he has psychic smell o vision?

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Calloway if you dont psychically dominate Jill and make her kill Matt you are a pussy who doesnt love America.

gellaho

Apparently he can talk to her brain without her knowing?

FancyShark

You're driving across the country with a nuke that gets set off if it jostles too much and you're going in a Jeep?

infinite tempest jakesy

This feels like a bad comic book situation where he just keeps getting new superpowers to solve all the plot holes

gellaho

SHOWING HIS POWER: a light slap

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A Jeep Cherokee no less.

infinite tempest jakesy

About to be a psychic battle up in here

gellaho

It turned plural

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Saddam Hussein really hates Calloway after he stole his last manuscript and took credit for it, I guess.

Brendan

The nervous woman in the nuke-mobile will be calmed by my popping into her brain and interrogating her, thought Calloway, to himself and to Jill.

Brendan

Oh no, it is a Force diad.

infinite tempest jakesy

The plural is that there's a plot twist and it's not Saddam, but Uday and Qusay

Brendan

You know, that thing we all know? Force diads? No need to explain them.

infinite tempest jakesy

That's right, the Hussein Boys are back

gellaho

The immense power to make a waiter say mean things

gellaho

FancyShark

Be great if this turned into Fallen

gellaho

Meanwhile: Camila has flown to Crusty Butt

gellaho

And it's still Saturday?

FancyShark

You can get a lot done on a Saturday

gellaho

Those Canadians'll just let any ole nuke into their borders

gellaho

This is vital information, thank you

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Its great this library is nice.

Brendan

Russia, really courting that nuclear extinction.

FancyShark

Having worked at a library, I'm pretty sure if your feet sink into the carpet, that's not the carpet

gellaho

Here comes the President with some vital news of the Galactic Community

gellaho

infinite tempest jakesy

Also really, a nuke in DC? Call of Duty did it better

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Strange and awesome huh?

"Yeah the aliens sucked my dick, I swear it wasnt that intern again."

gellaho

All I can think of is Christopher Walken in Communion

FancyShark

BDW, you already showed us the psychics can make people say whatever they want. The whole "president is saying weird shit" isn't going to have a huge payoff if that's the reveal

infinite tempest jakesy

Bigfoot is real and he ate my ass

FancyShark

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"Then they took out this thing that was cylindrical and pink. It made a weird buzzing vibration and they put it in my anus."

gellaho

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"It wasnt sexual, let me be clear."

"I mean I got hard, and climaxed multiple times, but it wasnt sexual."

FancyShark

"Someone cut his mic"

gellaho

Wheeeee

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"Just remember that when the Republicans try to make it a sex thing, It was. NOT. SEXUAL."

gellaho

Don't be too sure about that

FancyShark

The New York Post correspondent is going "I WAS RIGHT!"

infinite tempest jakesy

Do you think this is Billy Dee describing his own encounter with aliens

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"I was frightened and also aroused by this tall woman, but it WAS. NOT. SEXUAL."

FancyShark

We're getting his Lando fanfic

gellaho

He had several sensuous nights with Chewbacca

infinite tempest jakesy

Like he's using "haha it's just a story I'm writing" as cover to tell everyone this

gellaho

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"She harvested my DNA in the egg bed, but I reiterate, it was not sexual."

gellaho

Just keeps going

FancyShark

It's sad looking on this with a 2023 perspective. Because this guy still sounds better than any options we have

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"Remember that even tho she said she would carry my star child to the ends of the universe as a reminder of our unity and love, it was 100% not sexual."

gellaho

"Me fucking an alien will achieve world peace"

gellaho

infinite tempest jakesy

GIF

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"But remember, it wasnt sexual and I didnt cheat on my wife with a star slut."

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

did you need something or

gellaho

"My alien sexual fantasy is perfectly normal!"

FancyShark

"Having sex with a hot alien babe to achieve intergalactic peace" is also called "Kirk Story Template 2"

gellaho

"It's also perfectly normal that I dedicated this book to my children!"

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"Totally normal and 100% not sexual."

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

do we know what colour she is?

FancyShark

Human-colored. Whatever that translates to.

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

not to be racist but i have a thing for green people

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All he said was she was tall and had dark eyes so shes probably one of the Tall Whites as opposed to like a Reticulan or something.

gellaho

Gordon Maxwell is now in the old west

gellaho

It is still Saturday

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Im really curious to know if Billy is going to have the guts to nuke DC and have the second book be Psychic Mad Max Vs The Aryan Nation.

Brendan

Billy Dee Williams IS: President Lando Calrissian IN: Star Wars, Ep. X: COMMUNION

gellaho

He has driven to Durango to meet with the psychic who is obsessed with trains

And to fuck, because I guess that's what this book is now

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"This film is rated N, for Not Sexual at All. No Sir."

"Just kidding it has Billy Dee Williams in it, its very sexual and rated R."

Brendan

This guy gets to be president AND bang a star-goddess AND become space-Abraham.

gellaho

Yeah, sure let's just change what psychics are capable of halfway through the book

FancyShark

Ritter sounds suspiciously like a star lady who seduced a certain president

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Corduroy, the ridged fabric of the chronic masturbator.

gellaho

Aw, the aliens are fake

gellaho

You are wise

FancyShark

I WAS JOKING!

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hahahahahahahaha

FancyShark

I Was Seduced By A Psychic Spy

gellaho

Merrr-cen-arrr-ies

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Also I love the idea that the guy whos idea is "lets use psychic pspies to make the president believe in aliens." maybe doesnt know the ramifications of that decision, like thats a pretty big thing to just do on a whim and not thing about.

FancyShark

Ritter unhinges his inner set of jaws and eats a nearby rat

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Also most mercenaries have better sense than to work for a guy trying to establish his own white supremacist state, because they tend to pay in Bison Dollars.

gellaho

The Z-Factor

gellaho

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

well these guys could kidnap the queen from home so

Brendan

If I were these dudes, I would commit no evil, I'd just torture Nixon and Kissinger.

"Hi, I'm a Cambodian orphan! Why did you sabotage the Paris peace talks?"

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Oh I would fucking haunt Kissenger to his fuckin grave, it would rule.

FancyShark

I'd convince opinion journalists they were their own doppelgangers

gellaho

Yes, Trent's obsessiveness and instability. Definitely two traits Billy and Rob remembered to show

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Id give Ben Shapiro a deep seated phobia of mugs.

Brendan

Eventually it becomes an exercise in psychic kegels. Like how long can I hold this dude back from tipping the rotten fruit out of the brain-bowl he thinks is craz--ohhhh we became the sociopaths.

FancyShark

Worth it

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

I'd taunt ex-boyfriends tbh

I'm not a rolemodel

FancyShark

"We have only one option. Make the Navajo man tell Calloway oxygen is the source of suffering."

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Sociopathy is good when you apply it in the right direction, like haunting Kissenger with psychic visions until he kills himself or persuading Mussolinis granddaughter to take up a different profession to avoid being hanged upside down.

gellaho

Maxwell calls Wiley to see if the bomb is real. Wiley lies, which causes Maxwell to "send Ritter into him"

FancyShark

Deadmaus is the key to psychic warfare

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

"Electronic sound waves" could mean kidz bop

Brendan

Hey, @gellaho strictly so I can schedule my DoorDash, are we getting out in 20 or 50 here?

FancyShark

They really ARE evil

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Is..........is it ironic? Is a psychic who apparently has precognitive abiliteis predicting something successfully ironic? Is Billy being meta-ironic?

gellaho

They find out about the bomb by possessing Wiley, which he somehow doesn't notice despite how powerful he is

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

im bigoted against precogs actually

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Precogs are all narcs.

Brendan

Precogs, de facto, are bigoted against everyone.

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

Fuckin seers taking our jobs from the past

gellaho

I'm trying to get to Sunday, so we got like 8 pages

Brendan

Dope.

gellaho

Shouldn't be too long

Brendan

Overpriced Taco Bell, here I come!

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Crunch wraaaaaaaaaaap!

gellaho

Anyway, now another group of psychics is after the bomb

FancyShark

Ritter and the Boys are opening at the local bar this weekend

gellaho

And back to Matt

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

Taking notes on the us highway system

FancyShark

Good luck with that

Brendan

Just remember, Rachel, here we drive on the RIGHT.

gellaho

This is a great plan

Brendan

Because God has blessed our endeavor, which is what we call an endeavour.

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

i dont tell you how to drive, ypu dont tell me how to drive

Brendan

Unless you visit a blue state, in which case they drive on the GRANOLA UNICYCLE LANE.

I love being right about everything.

FancyShark

I'm 99% sure Vegas isn't going to let you fly a nuke to DC, Matt

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Hahahahahah Matt, if your car is owned by a dead person that is the FIRST thing that is gonna flag up my guy.

gellaho

A psychic voice compels Matt to hit Jill

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Like literally one of the first things that would be an issue.

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

whatever happened to the second amendment?

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Matt must nut cream filling or something because I cant belive a woman would be interested in him.

FancyShark

oh wait, Trent's visions were vague. He could have imagined Caesar's Palace and they're going to nuke Vegas instead

gellaho

Then, confusingly, the psychic voice compels him to throw the bomb away

Brendan

LOOK OUT, BILLY DEE'S GIRLFRIEND

gellaho

So I don't know what this voice was trying to accomplish with the domestic violence

FancyShark

Presumably trying to make them crash and blow up

Brendan

She wants redheaded psychic children, her options are limited.

Having dated one of either, I can't blame her.

gellaho

So, Matt gets rid of the bomb

FancyShark

I don't think Matt is psychic. Which means she really isn't getting anything out of this

Brendan

It will harmlessly nuke the Rio Grande.

FancyShark

"Broken Arrow" has a different meaning for Matt

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Not even delicious cream filling she milked out of his dick.

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

yeah i get it, @LyraV is pretty hot

gellaho

Then the voice compels them into oncoming traffic

Brendan

Lyra's pretty Hot Dog, we try not to sexualize her.

gellaho

Vroom vroom

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Nice.

gellaho

And that's a wrap on Saturday

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Credit where its due, this is a good use of psychic powers. Making a white supremacist drive into oncoming traffic in a Jeep Cherokee.

FancyShark

"Nice story, buddy. Now walk a straight line."

gellaho

And killing a pregnant woman

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

fuck you, single mother of three in the oncoming vehicle

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Eh you cant make an omlette without breaking a few people eggs.

gellaho

And I presume they hid the bomb so someone the psychics aren't trackinng can get the bomb

At any rate, we will resume with Sunday next Friday

FancyShark

We partly did it!

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Yeeeee, genuinely having fun with this one.

FancyShark

Great job, everybody!

Thank you, @gellaho !

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

A pleasure to guest spot with y'all.

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I love the MKUltra lunacy, its great.

gellaho

May you all be struck with psychic lightning

FancyShark

Have a good night!

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Hahahaha if only.

LyraV

Just in time to get caught up hehe

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Kissinger would have such a bad time.

dr

I didn't want to interrupt book cage, but this sentence pulled up an extremely vivid memory for me. Here. https://youtu.be/IT_sjisdgbk

Brendan

Statistically speaking, 78% of tractor trailer operators are already killers, so the odds of an intact conscience is good.

FancyShark

👏

infinite tempest jakesy

Only real ones know of Peter David and the Psi-Man

Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃

Time to play deadpost like Brendan did last week: this is the most unrealistic part so far, that a military officer would be forced to resign for sexual misconduct.

gellaho

The Book Cage: Episode 102.5 - PSI/Net

The President of the United States has been contacted by aliens to inseminate their queen. Or, wait, that was a false memory imprinted upon him by a psychic who is obsessed by trains. Unrelated, there's a white separatist movement led by the most powerful psychic on Earth, who has nothing ot do with the plot against the President, but who instead plans to nuke Washington, D.C. Then there's our main character, who's spent most of his time taking naps. Join me Friday, 5pm Eastern, for the conclusion of William December Williams' PSI/Net.

gellaho

Badger, alias "Señor Thief"

hahaha I'm going to be so fucking confused.

gellaho

In one hour, we will see the end of PSI/Net. Welcome to Sunday

gellaho

Behold a preview of the riveting action:

Badger, alias "Señor Thief"

Nice try, Billy Dee, but Doc and Sleepy are different dwarves.

gellaho

gellaho

I am in your mind. The adventure continues

gellaho

If you recall, Matt and his pregnant girlfriend were forced to commit suicide by a sinister voice in Matt's mind.

They have already found their bodies

Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃

Yeah I was confused, I thought they handed the bomb over to another guy at some point.

gellaho

The voice compelled Matt to hide it in an overpass

FancyShark

"Based on the state of the bodies, it appears Matt Hennig couldn't fuck."

gellaho

William Williams writes "drove on the wrong side of the interstate" three times

Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃

"His pants are full of semen for some reason."

FancyShark

"We're assuming they were intensely stupid, because look at them."

Also, hi, @gellaho ! Hi, @Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃 ! Hi, @Badger, alias "Señor Thief" !

Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃

👋

Hi Fancy, I'll probably have to make dinner as usual but I'll pop in for a little.

gellaho

"He was driving backwards"

"What?"

"He was driving the wrong way"

"Huh?"

"On the interstate?"

"Did you say the interstate?"

Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃

In reverse?

gellaho

Thanks for welcoming me to my own thing

You're just like discord

FancyShark

Someone should!

Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃

Welcome, Gellaho, to Book Cage! Ever joined in before?

gellaho

The secret service guy (still not sure why they're involved), doubts only the bomb part of the psychic visions.

Good thing Calloway immediately gets another

gellaho

I dunno, sounds pretty dumb

FancyShark

He envisions an upside down grin

gellaho

Let's just undercut any intrigue by having Calloway immediately see where the bomb was hidden

FancyShark

"Wait, they turned around?"

gellaho

Maybe psychic powers aren't the best thing for aa thriller

Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃

It's like how many Star Trek TNG episodes would be moot if Troi's powers worked as advertised.

gellaho

Meanwhile Maxwell has been found out. It's almost like invading the mind of the most powerful psychic in North America was a bad idea

Badger, alias "Señor Thief"

GIF

gellaho

And I guess Maxwell was responsible for killing the pregnant woman and stealing a nuke

gellaho

And telling Matt to beat the pregnant woman

Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃

Is no one in this book shitty on their own??

FancyShark

It must've been a job requirement

Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃

Weirdly my kid is watching a Batman cartoon with hypnotized butlers.

gellaho

I guess working with white supremacists and incepting the president weren't bad enough?

FancyShark

Feels like Maxwell is copying Wiley's homework

Badger, alias "Señor Thief"

GIF

gellaho

Oh, and he went to pick up the nuke on his own

gellaho

Bold play

Badger, alias "Señor Thief"

Nuke handling's only a one man job if you do it right

FancyShark

On the other hand, no cop would ever live down the time they pulled over a guy and he had a nuke in the car. Yeah, sure, Gary. We totally believe you.

gellaho

Good thing nobody noticed the corvette on two wheels

FancyShark

Bitchin' car stunts are the best way to avoid detection

Badger, alias "Señor Thief"

GIF

gellaho

And now, another Book Cage essential: Respecting the Dumpster trademark

FancyShark

At this point, I'm convinced Dumpster is the company Disney tells horror stories about

gellaho

Maxwell's master plan is to reason with the genocidal maniac