102: PSI/Net Billy Dee Williams & Rob MacGregor

Badger, alias "Señor Thief"

Dumpster: fuck with us and they'll never find your body

FancyShark

Maxwell's best plan since the food processor lollipop

gellaho

And don't worry, Doc and Calloway immediately know what happened

Badger, alias "Señor Thief"

GIF

Brendan

It's dumb that events don't link to the actual channel and HI how is our favorite idiot psi?

gellaho

Figuring out everything as soon as it happens

Apparently Wiley can cause heart attacks. Which makes sense, the heart is in the brain, right?

FancyShark

Hi, @Brendan !

Badger, alias "Señor Thief"

It's like Bioshock, he tells your brain to tell your heart to stop beating

Brendan

Go to hell, M--oh wait, hi Shark!

gellaho

Famously scientifically accurate

FancyShark

Seems silly to need a nuke if you can kill people with your thoughts

gellaho

Out of nowhere, Doc reveals that everyone who took the psychic drugs are connected in the "net"

gellaho

It's like an energy that binds them all together, that they can feel. Like some kinda vibe

FancyShark

Sandra Bullock's reach is extensive

gellaho

Or... force

But I can't imagine where Billy would have gotten that idea

Badger, alias "Señor Thief"

Buddhism, maybe?

I mean it's where the last guy got it.

gellaho

By the way, I love that this calls him a novelist. He cowrote two books. This and the sequel to this, the name I refuse to reveal at this time

Badger, alias "Señor Thief"

you just need one! that's all it takes!

FancyShark

Maybe he heard about it from Michael Keaton while filming Batman

gellaho

Anyway, the evil psychics try to choke her brain out

gellaho

gellaho

Again, can't imagine where he got that from

FancyShark

"Get ready to be dead"

I bet with the right inflection, you could get someone pumped with that line

gellaho

The president got kidnapped by aliens? Ho-hum

FancyShark

Aout

Covering for @infinite tempest jakesy

infinite tempest jakesy

Haha thank you, I'm currently in a meeting

Badger, alias "Señor Thief"

hahaha summary bot has no fucking clue what is happening.

gellaho

OK, OK, OK.

OK

So

Brendan

Behold the grammar of the master race.

gellaho

You know how it was revealed that the president's alien encounter was fake?

FancyShark

Yeah?

gellaho

Turns out aliens are real though

FancyShark

hahaha

Brendan

Are you a BAD enough DUDE to invent FTL puursuit vehicles?

Badger, alias "Señor Thief"

FancyShark

He's padding the word count with actual conspiracy theories

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

Not to be a pedant, but they're not aliens if they're from earth, even future earth

FancyShark

"Also, they can time travel"

GDC

When was this written? This is the plot of the X-Files.

FancyShark

Hi, @Rachel, Godhead Aspect ! Hi, @GDC !

Brendan

Aliens are time-alien Earth natives here to fuck apes.

gellaho

Fuck, what a sentence

GDC

I was on vacation for part one so I have no idea what's going on. Besides aliens kidnapping a president.

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

Me: not to be a pedant

Also me, immediately thereafter: [pedantry]

gellaho

"I don't want to judge the aliens stealing our genetic material that I see through remote psychic viewings, OK"

FancyShark

President had a sexy dream about an alien. The dream was sent to him by a psychic

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

Well they could be trying to help bigfoot fight off the extradimensional evil

FancyShark

It has very little to do with the main story

Which is about psychics trying to stop other psychics, who are terrorists, from nuking DC

gellaho

What do you mean "interpretations?" You're not reading fucking tea leaves, you are seeing them and reading their minds!

gellaho

FancyShark

Listen, gellaho. Anal probings can have all sorts of meanings depending on context, culture and probe size

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

oh shit it's multidimensional

GDC

The human brain is basically a lament configuration

Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃

Mine is

Brendan

just watchin'interspecies timeporn

gellaho

Now the intrusive voices are trying to get them to drink nonalcoholic beer

gellaho

The fiends

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

I wish mine just did that

gellaho

If "Godslayer" is true, only Norse gods can solve the problems of the human mind

Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃

Yeah, be worried about your crappy job, that's what's important right now, not nuclear annihilation.

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

Also i went to a work lunch today and my coworker paid eight dollars for a non-alcoholic beer. Is she an alien?

I assumed so at the time.

gellaho

I really would like to continue the Godslayer series, but every sequel is over 400 pages long

"Meow"

FancyShark

Get a laser pointer and fuck up their day

Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃

"You want a catnip mouse? There's a new six-pack under the couch."

gellaho

Oh, and Perez lives in an underground mansion

FancyShark

Perez got a great deal from some company called "Umbrella"

gellaho

Ensconced in a modest rocky butt

FancyShark

You really will chip a tooth on that

Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃

Too bad, garage doors are sooo secure

gellaho

They really do all talk like robots

FancyShark

Hidden sensors like he can find you with his mind from across the country

gellaho

"That is correct, human friend. That is the name he heard when he was utilizing remote viewing for the winning lottery digits."

Nah

This book is about science

Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃

Hidden sensors like his Nest doorbell camera

gellaho

Perez's coward fucking hole

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

he's lying down underneath a false bottom way down the hole

gellaho

Will the wonders ever cease?

FancyShark

It's the Get Smart opening credits

Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃

Calloway has never been in a lobby before.

"Doors within doors, what madness is this?"

LyraV

It's FRIDAY! I had mistaken today for the wrong universe boooook cage awww yeah.

gellaho

As opposed to the multitime refugees

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

Now what? Five more doors, then the bad movie theater

FancyShark

Hi, @LyraV !

It's where he has the goatee that's really surprising

gellaho

It's because Spanish doesn't have contractions.

LyraV

Lean and muscular with close cropped hair and goatee, so an evil magician?

gellaho

Don't look that up

FancyShark

So he's Data

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

... he's going to steal you from me isnt he?

FancyShark

Lyra can't help it. Only magicians know how to extract the money behind her ears. It's free money!

gellaho

What magical technology

gellaho

That's what I learned from Magus Blacklaw

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

I miss Tingo Spellhands.

LyraV

Don't we all

FancyShark

Perez whispers drink orders into a credit card. He's an eccentric man.

gellaho

So, do you think it was Billy or Rob who spent a lot of time on early internet conspiracy websites?

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

It worked in the commercials!

gellaho

If you need any help deciding

GDC

That guy's got big MUFON energy.

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

We're in one of those high levels of X-level solar flares right now actually

FancyShark

Hard to say. Rob looks like he spends most of his time fly fishing

Not outdoors. He can't stand bugs. And he prefers those fake fly lures

Okay, fine. He has magazine subscriptions

But he's saving up for a rod

LyraV

Oh my that's...what he went with for his author photo a white baseball cap and .06 percent scruff.

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

not a joke but it's a lil science fact for you

gellaho

Weird way to spend a year abroad, but OK

FancyShark

"What did you study in America?"

"How to be a maid for a creep in a mountain. You?"

LyraV

She was built like a Toyota Corolla hence my recollections

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

but yknow even x class flares are less "eradicate life" and more "inconvenience telecommunications"

gellaho

He figured she drove the Toyota he say in the garage. Because Swedes love Toyotas?

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

Weirdest internship this year. If you don't count twitter.

gellaho

Let's settle down with the use of the word "published"

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

it's... yodelable?

LyraV

Look if the X-level flares take out X I think that means the we win WW3 so...good stuff all around.

gellaho

I've had papers with a higher publishing rate

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

yeah that's less publish and more stick on a few bulletin boards

Ferroday Plays Both Sides

important context for the author:

ROB MACGREGOR is an Edgar award-winning author, whose novel, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, appeared on the New York Times bestseller list. He is the author of seventeen novels, ten non-fiction books, and has teamed with George Lucas, Peter Benchley, and Billy Dee Williams. He writes both adult and young adult mysteries, adventure, and science fiction/ fantasy. He and his wife, Trish, also write the Sydney Omarr's Astrological Guides. They also co-authored The Seven Secrets of Synchronicity in 2010 and their sequel, Synchronicity and the Other Side, will be published this spring.Double Heart is the third in a series of award-winning novels set on the Hopi Reservation and Aspen, Colorado. The novels were inspired by Rob's experiences residing on an Indian reservation--Little Earth of the United Tribes--where he was editor of a community newspaper for four years. Rob later worked as a freelance travel writer and, with Trish, organized adventure tours to South America --including trips along the Amazon and into the Andes. In his spare time, he teaches yoga, and is an avid off-road mountain biker and windsurfer.

Brendan

That's thhe Grays

FancyShark

So not a bad guy, but not someone you'd probably want to talk to at a party

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

What's an edgar?

gellaho

I've read incomprehensible shit filled with typos, and this somehow feels like the worst written book I've read

gellaho

I'm guessing it has to do with Poe

Brendan

For the Majestic 12

gellaho

This feels like it was written by someone in the fifth grade, but who knows a couple big words

Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃

GIF

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

Lmao, they paint visuals about as well as i do

gellaho

It's just so stilted and weird

LyraV

Wait I changed my mind, apologize for calling me Trent then call me 'Dragon' instead

LyraV

I bet his yoga class is a delight, no notes.

gellaho

This does have the energy of a children's book, like every sentence has to partially explain the previous one

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

Starring Trent "The Dragon" Wilson

gellaho

You know, I thought it'd be impossible to do a title drop in this book

I was wrong

gellaho

I mean, just look at it

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

just dont go near rivers dude

GDC

Missed an opportunity to make the slash a lightning bolt.

gellaho

Clearly Rob wasn't rad enough

This book must repeat everything thrice. Including "deep shit"

FancyShark

Extra large quantities of fecal material, indeed

Not sure what purpose the slash has in PSI/Net

gellaho

It's to show they're divided, I guess?

The writing is getting real bad

FancyShark

I keep reading it like "either PSI and/or Net"

Brendan

because they're coding the human MIND, man

FancyShark

duuuuuuuuude

It's weird how cliche this book is, considering how few stories play out this way

gellaho

Meanwhile, Maxwell has apparently found the only hotel in America without a phone

FancyShark

Trumbled

Window air conditioners were created to make people hate their electric bill while remaining overheated

gellaho

This is not how that works

Brendan

Of course the mountain bunker has--Susan, look at me--THREE heat pump units.

gellaho

Classic hot blonde spy in a sports car

FancyShark

Could people actually call phone booths? That happened all the time in movies and TV shows, but the operators always got really angry when I'd try to leave a callback number

A geiger counter enthusiast drives past Maxwell and slams on the brakes

GDC

I remember trying to call one phone booth from the one next to it, but it didn't work

gellaho

It is weird how much this book wants me to know how much tail the racist rapist can get

FancyShark

Women love confidence. And no one has as much confidence as a goddamn racist

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

...i'm glad i missed the rape

FancyShark

It was mentioned but not described in detail

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

Megaman should have killed that fucker

Damn asimov

Brendan

Yes.

You could also test the phone by entering a code to make it ring.

gellaho

Then they meet in a dirty bathroom

Brendan

Or call the operator and ask for your quarter back, which they'd release remotely.

Weird stuff!

FancyShark

Oooo, right! I remember that! We used to do that to prank people

Brendan

Mechanical devices had a lot of features tech dipshits ascribe to electronic revolution.

Please read my upcoming rant, "Smart Homes Are Pretty Fucking Stupid."

FancyShark

"Well, it's a bathroom. So if you want me to drop a bomb, you should let me close the stall door."

gellaho

The Unibomber a hundredfold, or: The Centibomber

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

Oh I knew calling booths, but didn't know that one, cool

FancyShark

Wasn't the girl Wiley's daughter?

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

Phones were cool

gellaho

She was the daughter of a subordinate of Wiley

FancyShark

Ah, that was it. Thank you!

gellaho

Maxwell convinces Wiley to try to attack Perez

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

more of a hectobomber

gellaho

So if this doesn't lead to a seige of Perez's compound, I'll be disappointed

FancyShark

Chekov's Underground Mansion

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

Well why even have a compound if not to get raided?

gellaho

I mean, I could have said that. But, nobody actually uses most of the SI prefixes

Part 1 of my twelve part series: "The Metric System: Overrated"

Sexual misconduct in the Oval Office? Why, I never

gellaho

Ah

FancyShark

Not sure the president banging a space lady is going to affect the DMV's ability to deny you a license plate

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

As far as im concerned if you don't like hectares you can go walk 2.7 acres

LyraV

If I'm remembering correctly some of them had their number listed above those metal number grids?

gellaho

This book doesn't have enough ideas, let's introduce laser drills

LyraV

If those walls could talk they'd say 'ew these old dudes are pervs'

gellaho

Camila tells the president everything

gellaho

It's good luck nobody's watching the Calloway's ex-wife, who is the "spokesman for the president"

Certainly not someone you'd want to keep tabs on if you're targeting the president

And don't worry, Calloway has already psychically found the nuke

gellaho

It is possible that psychics are bad for fiction

FancyShark

If you're going to nuke a place, starting with their Holiday Inn is just polite

gellaho

There are probably a couple of holiday inns in salt lake

Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃

Make sure it's not at the Holiday Inn Express

LyraV

We found mutated turtles doing martial arts in there and decided it was much more entertaining than this Mr President

gellaho

Welcome to Monday

FancyShark

Just another Mind War Monday

LyraV

Nooooooo I just found out it was Friday come on

gellaho

So, they disarmed the nuke and that's... bad?

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

I mean, it was salt lake city

Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃

So it's a fake

gellaho

Calloway is meeting with the president. He feels uncomfortable because his collar is open, which he can't fix

gellaho

Because I guess he's afraid of buttons?

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

Perez wanted to say "i have a bad feeling about this," but his lawyer advised against it

FancyShark

He knows that he looks like a slutty alien without his collar buttoned. And he knows the prez will be all over that

gellaho

Two robots flirt

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

I'd call that a fatal error

Nice emoji work sharkman

gellaho

I guess neither Billy nor Rob ever saw Mission Impossible. Not a lot of contractual form signings

GDC

This check will self destruct in five seconds

FancyShark

Nothing gets the pulse pounding like being told not to exceed two hours

gellaho

You know what, I take back everything I said about the writing

gellaho

That is some "as long as ten tall men are tall" shit

LyraV

If he were a Potter he would have crafted an elegant case to put the five grand in.

FancyShark

If he were a whistler, he'd have whistled as much as ten whistlers would whistle

gellaho

Sexy

FancyShark

Dude loves that game

gellaho

I did forget he was the crossdresser

But not for long

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

If he was a whistler, he'd do it at midnight.

FancyShark

Imagine you have the power to read the aether and view the actions of anyone alive and you end up only using it to find out some dude wears a dress

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

if y'all want a reaction from me on this, you can wait all you want

gellaho

The energy implies that the psychics were making him crossdress

He feels the same energy when he views the president with the aliens

FancyShark

That conspiracy theory is at least fun

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

Oh so the energy is him being turned on

Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃

Are we gonna get a cross-species sex scene or what?

gellaho

Sticky mesh of awareness

Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃

*mess

FancyShark

Not so much a net as a cluster

gellaho

"But fucking that alien queen felt so real!"

FancyShark

"My Fellow Americans. I have good news. I was deceived by malicious psychics into believing I'd tapped a star lady. You can all calm down now."

gellaho

Fuck me, that's a tortured set up

FancyShark

DON'T THINK OF ANYTHING WEIRD OR THE PSYCHIC COALITION OF TERRORISTS WILL CONTROL YOU!

Brendan

A sad day for America when even the President can't land one of our hyper-evolved descendents with their twiglike limbs and hairless pubis

gellaho

Maybe parallel construction isn't your friend. Especially when it's just "He [past-tense verb]"

Brendan

You fuck even the ugliest Gray, that's like ten supermodels at once on the Ape Scale.

gellaho

At least he didn't fuck any of the reptilians

Which, I will remind you, is real in this book

gellaho

Especially when "He" starts referring to a different character

FancyShark

Buckaroo Banzai's never going to show up at this rate

gellaho

This seriously has the sentence construction of a child

FancyShark

Ceyes

Brendan

If anything deserves passive speech, it's food, but also no./

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

If the next presidential scandal is less stupid than this, i will give you twenty dollars

Brendan

Canadian or US?

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

Doesn't matter

gellaho

The cadence is just so plain, I don't really know how to articulate it

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

He's not seeing a cent of it.

gellaho

It's like if I was reading this out loud, the only way would be monotone

Like a kid reading a book report

Brendan

They say the best-selling books for adults are written at a third-grade level. But somehow it even lacks poesy and rhetoric.

Pumpkin Spice Mordred 🎃

Unless they're trying to say he didn't eat it.

Now I'm imagining the waiter stealing bites while he's distracted.

gellaho

Oh, no! Trent's Airstream!

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

She just scarfed it down right infront of him, total power move.

FancyShark

Couldn't even give him the dignity to explode it as he was walking back to it

gellaho

This is written like a police report

FancyShark

The writing equivalent of patting your pockets for whatever you were supposed to bring

gellaho

Will the mystery of Bobby Aimes be revealed? Not yet

FancyShark

Bobby "He Was Basically Hitler" Aimes

LyraV

This dude loves commenting on people weight, come on bro

gellaho

Billy Dee and Rob have great game

FancyShark

ew

LyraV

He touched her after she very politely asked him to stop, what a class act.

Brendan

We were embedded in Belfast. For four weeks we slept, ate, shat, and drank in an abandoned factory doing recon of Real IRA. We held each other, as men do.

gellaho

initialize(hippieBot, compound: true)

FancyShark

if(var trucking = true)

{set trucking = true};

gellaho

It was revealed like a hundred pages ago that the president's alien was fake, but the characters are still debating it. With fantastic dialogue

Rachel, Godhead Aspect

I think it's real aliens from earth personally

gellaho

Meanwhile, Maxwell imagines getting some clothed upper-boob