104: Stress Pattern Neal Barret, Jr.

gellaho

Time to sit in the forest for a while

FancyShark

You should punish them, Andy

Punish them with fire

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

You know a great way to get someone to tell you things you want to know? Its beating them with a stick, Andy.

gellaho

Rhamik is basically Andy's best friend

FancyShark

"I couldn't imagine why he would deliberately avoid me"

gellaho

Look at this ray of sunshine

FancyShark

"He also hogged the blankets"

gellaho

Fascinating

FancyShark

"I don't talk about my ex"

gellaho

Well, back to fantasizing about that student

FancyShark

Nice to know Neal gets bored with this, too

Ferroday Plays Both Sides

god even his dreams are boring leaning towards creepy

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

Andrew.........you need to jerk off more. Maybe you should have taken that alien up on her offer?

gellaho

Rhamik invites Andy back to his place

FancyShark

"I've got Mario Kart"

pants elitist jakesy

Oh shit

Alien buttsex time baby

FancyShark

Hell yeah. Get Walken out here

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

Rhamik always uses the blue shell.

gellaho

Rhamik shows Andy some construction, but refuses to explain it

FancyShark

"I am building a wife"

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

Hell yeah they're building Andrew a wicker man.

gellaho

Later on, they see some big beasts in the distance

gellaho

This might seem significant

But, is it?

No

FancyShark

Neal publishing his goddamn dream journal

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

Neal is no Diablito Ordo Al Ghul.

gellaho

Andy tells Rhamik everything

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

I dont think Asmodeus or any demon will like Neals dreams.

FancyShark

The Economist From Beyond The Stars

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

Economics isnt really that much of a science, Andrew.

gellaho

Also, Andy's horse-thing died

If you cared

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

Oh no, his horse thing.

Probably dropped dead of boredom.

FancyShark

I shouldn't laugh at that, but your timing was perfect

gellaho

Do you like pointless mystery?

pants elitist jakesy

Fewer things have happened in this book than any other book

gellaho

Too bad!

FancyShark

Do we!

gellaho

Andy flips him off

FancyShark

I hope it's Audrey II

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

Lemon sprouts into a space wife.

gellaho

The gardening continues

pants elitist jakesy

Ma spacewiiiiiife

gellaho

Andy is suspicious of the space lemon

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

Andrew if you stop watering it it might decide to drink your blood instead.

I mean you trusted your weird friend enough to stick to it this long.

Its probably just a really complicated sex melon.

gellaho

Andy refuses to feed the space lemon until he gets some answers. Rhamik instead decides to care for the space lemon

gellaho

Because that's easier than an explanation

Badger, Persian NutPac

This book is the real lemon, amirite

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

Neal is going to a special hell for writers for sure.

FancyShark

How has Neal managed to make this both tense and boring?

gellaho

The thing I put in your hole was a new person

FancyShark

@Brendan called it

FancyShark

Lemon is star child

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

Its like if Lovecraft was still kind of racist but also deeply committed to being boring.

gellaho

Turns out, if a lady is thinking about you while fucking, that's apparently your baby

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

Also its just like an alien woman to trick you into raising her space lemons.

FancyShark

So he's the Smizmar

gellaho

"I'm going to kill you, Rhamik"

Ferroday Plays Both Sides

.....Andrew is gonna fuck an alien baby isn't he

pants elitist jakesy

Can't he just eat the alien baby

That's what they do here right

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

No both of those things are a bit too exciting and interesting, im sure he'll just teach his lemonbaby about economics or something.

FancyShark

oh god, he's going to raise it as the student he dreams about

gellaho

A lady thinks about you, and that's your problem

pants elitist jakesy

Oh shit it's a metaphor for the student he thinks was fantasizing about him

FancyShark

I'm sorry, is that a real superstition about little people?

pants elitist jakesy

And by extension, whatever student in real life the author feels guilty about having a child out of wedlock with

gellaho

Rhamik's people are building upward, and Andy has abandoned his lemon

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

hahahahahah no wonder that lady was so annoyed with him, he got her pregnant but didnt even make her cum.

gellaho

That's more on Phretci

FancyShark

The Tower of Silent Babel

gellaho

pants elitist jakesy

Seventeen chapters in and nothing has happened

Ferroday Plays Both Sides

it's like we're doing that thing some people do in open world games where you pick a random NPC and follow them around for a little while to see what happens

only the game isn't breaking in an interesting way

pants elitist jakesy

Yeah. But like a shopkeeper who stands in one place for half the day

gellaho

Wishing for something to happen, I wonder how if there are any stories about how that could go wrong

I don't know why that popped into my head

Anyway, Rhamik shows Andy a fossil

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

GIF

Xenopaleology! Huzzah!

gellaho

Rhamik Batman's out of there

FancyShark

It's an entire Boeing 737. Looks like a male.

gellaho

My timber was bare

Badger, Persian NutPac

"I been hacked.

All my bamboo, gone."

pants elitist jakesy

Time to burn down the hut for the alien insurance money and move on

FancyShark

IT'S ALWAYS THE ALIEN INSURANCE MONEY!

Ferroday Plays Both Sides

alien home insurance only pays out in hats and large poles, though

gellaho

Rhamik shows Andy a hut, Andy has decided he's had enough of this shit and decides to leave

FancyShark

So many hats and poles

Badger, Persian NutPac

imagine turning down a free hut in this economy

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

What a prick Andrew is.

They made him a surprise hut instead of eating him and all he can do is fuck off.

FancyShark

"Andrew, the entire valley will soon flood with carnivorous fish. You may want to get to higher gr- Andrew? Oh well."

gellaho

But then, Rhamik shows Andy that their two huts are connected. Aw.

gellaho

FancyShark

aww

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

Dont you feel like a real bastard now, Andrew?

FancyShark

You are a bastard, Andrew. So you should feel like it.

gellaho

I am amazed you were able to figure that out

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

Rhamik is gonna raise your lemon baby and you do him like this.

FancyShark

HAHA

Badger, Persian NutPac

holy shit really?

gellaho

I also can't believe you both said bastard

FancyShark

WOO! BASTARD HIGH FIVE!

pants elitist jakesy

Hahahaha wow

Badger, Persian NutPac

The best part is this is almost a perfect situation for a shark

They're like, purpose built to handle fish investations

gellaho

"Well, this is fine"

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

Andrew you dumb shit, you didnt even think thered be a rainy season!

Too busy making up economics shit to watch a National Geographic documentary.

gellaho

Uh oh

Brendan

Just millennial things

FancyShark

Guess the building inspector wasn't just being a dick

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

Oh gee it seems like the locals had a much better idea of how to live someplace than you, huh? WHOS SMART NOW ANDREW!? WHOS SMART NOW?!

gellaho

I'm sure these people have made plenty of documentaries

pants elitist jakesy

Is the lemon the shark

Or is it dead now

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

The lemons getting plenty of water now.

FancyShark

It'll be fine. Babies can swim, right?

gellaho

You legitimately don't know how much I cut out of Rhamik refusing to tell Andy anything

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

Id have done it too, just to annoy him.

gellaho

Andy has some great ideas

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

Hahahahah its slowly sinking in why everyones houses are on stilts.

Brendan

All of this is an overwrought metaphor for market forces.

pants elitist jakesy

Lol his big economist brain came up with "lift foot out of water"

FancyShark

"Water...wet?"

gellaho

Rhamik is dead set on helping this lemon

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

I love how Andrew didnt already deduce this, just based on his normal life experience of being a modern dude who has presumably seen TV and knows how people on Earth get along with life.

gellaho

Neal, you've never met a cat, have you?

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

Also yeah Andrew, dick move leaving the lemon baby to drown or wash away.

Like cmon bud, even if you didnt want to take care of it, its still like.......a living thing.

GDC

Cats are well known for plowing through water.

FancyShark

Classic bad neighbor move, leaving your tree child to die outside after your neighbor helped water it

GDC

I just got here.

FancyShark

Hi, @GDC !

gellaho

Rhamik will kill himself for this lemon

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

To be fair cats can swim, they just dont like doing it.

This is why.

And you have Andrew asking so many fucking questions.

gellaho

I dunno, trees are also alive, and I'd gladly leave one behind

FancyShark

GIF

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

Trees being alive is a globalist conspiracy.

gellaho

This seems like fun

gellaho

Fuck that old ass tree

pants elitist jakesy

Is this the author coming clean about the abortion he made his student get

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

Hahahahaha you fuckin dick, Andrew, you're going to LIE to the person who has no concept of lying.

FancyShark

That's just a bowl of spaghetti, Andrew

gellaho

And now his foot is exploding, wait, what?

GDC

He's going to find some peeled grapes and think they're eyeballs.

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

I hope losing the lemon baby makes Rhamik decide to eat you, you pitiless fuck.

FancyShark

"If I bury the confession in a protective shell of dull prose, I'll assuage my guilt while not letting anyone ever know"

Andrew likes walking on pop rocks. He's a weird man.

gellaho

Andy considers leaving behind the huge space lemon, but instead decides to carry both the lemon and the alien that can't swim

pants elitist jakesy

Oh wait now this is just Death Stranding

FancyShark

Andrew realizing he's on a planet of lemmings

gellaho

And some random British shit too

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

Andrew, how would he know how to swim? He lives in a fuckin desert where the only time water is deep its......like this.

gellaho

gellaho

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

Fuck you Neal.

gellaho

Back to carrying everything

FancyShark

Good thing he's an economist or this would be too much

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

Andrew, he came to SAVE YOUR LIFE, you stupid bastard.

gellaho

Well, he came to save the lemon

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

If you had just grabbed the space baby in the first place you wouldnt have to swim so much.

gellaho

And now he really seems like they're trying to kill each other

gellaho

The confusing part is that they bury and water the babies in a garden, so it wouldn't make sense to take it with you

It's not like you could bury it, you're in a raised hut during a flood

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

Yeah, right? Maybe its like a potato and if you overwater it it rots?

FancyShark

Just like a real baby

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

Or its gonna hatch soon and the last thing you need is to be dredging babies out of the floodwater.

gellaho

Anyway, Rhamik throws up in his face

gellaho

Yeah, you can just bury them anywhere

Well, there's the darkest joke I'll ever tell

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

Ideally beneath Canadian schools.

FancyShark

Cabbage Patch Kids had some sick origins

gellaho

That's your opinion

FancyShark

, maaaaaaaan

And after Andrew's great pounding job

gellaho

It's fascinating dialogue

pants elitist jakesy

I wish I could drown all of them

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

"Not unless you suddenly evolve fins and gills, bud. Wait, you cant do that, right?"

gellaho

They're having an awfully lot of conversation considering they're fighting a goddamned flood while carrying something larger than a watermelon

Brendan

Have you ever played capture the flag with a greased up watermelon in the water? I assure you, it is great fun.

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

In five pages Rhamik turns into a crab and none of this will have mattered.

FancyShark

This is turning into an adult swim bit

gellaho

You remember when the beginning of the book seemed comedic? Weird, right?

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

Well at least you can get work as a one footed economist.

FancyShark

"I didn't even want to be bridge buddies!"

gellaho

What's really weird is that I'm very frustrated with Rhamik, but he's kind of the only good character in the book

pants elitist jakesy

Wait he can't climb the ladder without his foot?

gellaho

Who needs feet

FancyShark

Whiner

pants elitist jakesy

They don't teach you about arms in economics class?

gellaho

Other than Tarantino and Rex Ryan

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

Cmon Andrew, ive climbed a ladder with one foot and carrying a watermelon. Its not that hard.

gellaho

Andy steps on his lemon baby and passes out

FancyShark

hahaha, jesus

Just curbstomp the fetusmelon

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

Hahahahah this Three Stooges skit got so dark.

gellaho

OK, OK

Ok

So

Like, this is where the book gets weird

I know that's hard to believe

pants elitist jakesy

It was so normal up this point

gellaho

FancyShark

Oh shit. Does the lemon crack open and have a whole universe inside?

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

Hahahahah Andrew is so afraid of his weird space baby.

FancyShark

Baby kittens. As opposed to adult kittens.

pants elitist jakesy

Almost like the author…is projecting his fears…about the baby he had with his student

gellaho

Hey look the lemon baby's getting born

gellaho

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

Normal so far.

gellaho

Uh oh

FancyShark

goddammit

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

hahahahahahahh

gellaho

Oops., the lemon baby's the student he was having sexual fantasies about

Ferroday Plays Both Sides

fucking called it

pants elitist jakesy

Hahaha god dammmit

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

Oh sweet, its going to be so awkward when he gets a boner for his space baby!

gellaho

Welp, seems as good a time as any to call time

FancyShark

We sort of did it!

Partly!

Ferroday Plays Both Sides

quitting at half mast, just like my last boyfriend

gellaho

Come back next week, when it becomes even weirder!

In ways you couldn't imagine!

Ok, bye!

FancyShark

Hell yeah. Thank you, @gellaho !

GDC

Just as a lady breasted boobily into existence.

FancyShark

Great riffing, everyone!

pants elitist jakesy

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

FancyShark

Have a great night! Don't drown your neighbor!

gellaho

Here's the deal, I got further than I expected. But it's good, because the next part Neal decides to get really weird with the prose. And I'm still not sure how I'm going to handle it

pants elitist jakesy

We'll go to the looney bin together I don't give a fuck

GIF

gellaho

It's the weirdest shit I've ever read

gellaho

The Book Cage Episode 104.5 - Stress Pattern Pt. 2

Forgot what day it was yesterday. Our hero/economics professor has crash landed on an alien planet. Through a strange set of circumstances, he now lives in an elevated hut above a flooded bamboo forest. His space lemon baby (although not conceived by him, the mother alien thought about him during copulation), has hatched into a co-ed he had a sexual fantasy about while dreaming. That makes sense, right? Follow along as Neal Barrett, Jr. leads us down a psychosexual nightmare, tomorrow, 5pm eastern.

gellaho

FancyShark

Can't fault the novel's title. It's delivering what it promised.

gellaho

And may God have mercy on our soul

Under an hour until Part 2 of Stress Pattern. Here is where we left off

gellaho

Here's where we're going.

Badger, Persian NutPac

Christ, this fucking guy is still going on about colors.

pants elitist jakesy

He's going to bang the lemon baby that looks like his student isn't he

FancyShark

Gonna be late because Linux and Raspberry Pi's are stupid. Hi, @pants elitist jakesy ! Hi, @Badger, Persian NutPac ! Hi, @gellaho ! Hi, @Ferroday Plays Both Sides ! Hi, @Brendan !

Badger, Persian NutPac

Well I wouldn't call it happy in this case but we appreciate the sentiment

pants elitist jakesy

Yeah this one is more of a test of courage

FancyShark

Have fun/good luck, @Brendan !

Hi, @Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage !

gellaho

Welp

pants elitist jakesy

Definitely Not Cock is underway

gellaho

It's definitely not going to turn into a psychosexual nightmare or something

Badger, Persian NutPac

GIF

gellaho

Any way, we enter the trapped in a hut period of the book

pants elitist jakesy

Laying underneath my Peloton just in case I need to pull the trigger at any point during this read

Badger, Persian NutPac

Freaking bottle episodes amirite

gellaho

Beset by giant silverfish

Badger, Persian NutPac

Yeah, I remember that Minecraft update

gellaho

Cannibalistic silverfish

Badger, Persian NutPac

Well why not just cook it before you eat it then, dumbass?

Surely you know how to build a fire by now.

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

Ooooh look at me, im a dickhead economist and I am forced to eat space lobster, woe is meeeeeeeeeee.

gellaho

The legbone's connected to the thigh bone, etc

pants elitist jakesy

Why wouldn't they just build permanent structures if this happens every year

Badger, Persian NutPac

Ehhhh, too much work

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

I gather they dont live near a supply of stone or have much in the way of tools to cut it. Honestly I'd just find someplace that didnt flood regularly.

Badger, Persian NutPac

Can't beat the rent around here, though

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

Also this dude is an idiot because he's literally in the midst of something hes describing as impossible and is not in fact, impossible.

gellaho

It's all explained. Kind of.

Andrew would very much like the space lemon woman take away

pants elitist jakesy

The silver gators are also dongs

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

Well to be fair Andrew IS an economist and familiar with taking bizarre leaps of logic.

Badger, Persian NutPac

If you ever find yourself about to say in public the phrase "I did not touch the female; therefore—" just internalize that you're a sex offender and save everybody else the work

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

It's hilarious he keeps insisting that this woman bearing a remarkable similarity to someone not present except in his own fantasies has nothing to do with him.

gellaho

But Rhamik leaves while Andrew is trying to sleep off his infection caused fever

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

Good. Rhamik probably has other shit to do.

gellaho

To be fair, if I just dreamt something and it popped into existence, I would also deny responsibility

Hairy Undulating FlippantSausage

Economist thinking.

Badger, Persian NutPac

I would deny responsibility anyway but not because I dreamt it into existence. That's just my go-to move.