Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
Noooooo
116: The Hardy Boys Casefiles #85: Winner Take All Franklin W. Dixon
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When crime is on the rise, danger is sure to come down.
Archive
Velo
THEY DISAPPEAR INTO THE SHRUBBERY
GDC's Quivering Thews
Soluri incepted the memory of Emily into everyone via hypnosis
gellaho
At any rate, Anthony is skipping town
Velo
Oh god poor Elmo
He can't ever go to that Park again
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
why would you take the monitor but not the stand
Velo
Except in his dreams, when he can never leave it
gellaho
I do declare
FrumpyBadger
Anatoli Speigelheimer
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
Anatoli Spiegelheimer would have been much easier to remember
here's the problem, the author wasted all the good names on one guy
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
He vas German zis whole time!
Velo
I feel like secret german was also a big sleep twist
gellaho
Now he has several old, bruised books. The largest of all crimes
Velo
Elmo got robbed and assaulted by two different groups for no god damn reason
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
wow a laconic detective. I love when writers take the time to make the side characters really come alive, you know?
Velo
This book is full of tragedies
FancyShark
"Elmo not like this"
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
Hello, I am new character 15, John
gellaho
Back to trying to break into Emily's apartment
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
I knew Soluri is a fake name, but his real name sounds faker
Velo
Oh god let her just be there
She's just home
She has the flu
Living her best life
FancyShark
They beat up her apartment
Velo
The Hardys kidnap her
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
Her sofa is hiding secrets
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
"Joe, if I say it it's a good idea, ok? Just fucking follow me."
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
Make this all worth it
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
Is Ben the same age as the Hardy Boys? Is Emily older, then?
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
"She's got a lot of electonic, EELS-branded.... rocketships?"
Velo
"Hey why does it smell like rotting meat in here? You know what, I bet Elmo has a book that can explain smells." Cut to the Hardys throwing a brick through Elmo's window
gellaho
Hi Ed
Velo
"I LIVE HERE"
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
"I have more reason to be here than you, weird teenage liars"
Velo
"What is wrong with you two?!"
gellaho
Bye Ed!
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
"Our three skills are breaking, entering, and assault"
Velo
Bye Ed
FancyShark
Ed did it
FrumpyBadger
Fucking incredible.
Velo
You've narrowly escaped tragedy
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
wait, Ed let them in and left with them still inside?
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
Never trust a Montgomery
Velo
I will not have the Montgomery name sullied like this
Velo
SEE?!
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
It's been sullied, good Velo
Velo
Ed fucking left
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
Some good names sully themselves
Velo
He just fucked off into the night
What a god damn hero
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
His girlfriend has been missing for 3 days and his response is "Lol, idk, bye"
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
bye, ed
Velo
God I hope Ed didn't do it. I hope he's just like this
gellaho
Frank figures the lack of asthma medication is a clue
Velo
He's leaving to go assault George now
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
I love it when a media presents a dirtbag boyfriend so you think it's them, but really they are an unrelated dirtbag
Velo
The best trope the x-files ever had
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
some dirtbags just sit around playing xbox all day
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
Repeatedly!
And I'm only up to season 4
gellaho
Meanwhile: laser controlled helicopter
Velo
Hi Phil
Do we know Phil
GDC's Quivering Thews
That's so much less reliable than a regular radio
Velo
I've been so distracted with our traumatized bystanders
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
lasers traditionally move in straight lines, right
FancyShark
Phil is the science friend
gellaho
MUST! CONSUME!
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
But mirrors!
Velo
Gotcha
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
These boys go through so much pizza, like turtles, or Godek
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
why did we even need a special explanation of how the helicopter was being controlled
like
just hand wave it
Velo
Remote Control was invented in 1996
gellaho
All non-Ben friends have existed for 100 years
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
That's a bit dark
GDC's Quivering Thews
Mr. Pizza is chet's third place. he's there like 40% of the time
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
wait really?
Velo
No
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
oh lol
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
They flew whole aircraft via remote control in WWII
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
oh I didn't know that
that's pretty cool
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
Fuck, I believed you
gellaho
Only $130,000 short
Velo
Radios are cool
gellaho
Seems safe
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
ok, lasers!
laser time!
Velo
The abandoned warehouse where George's parents died
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
Jigsaw?
Velo
And where Elmo was raised
gellaho
That's one obese helicopter
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
That's one mean helicopter, said no one ever
gellaho
"Come on, guys, you don't have to shout! I have sensitive ears"
Velo
"Hi!" Called Frank "Does this place have any special meaning to you?"
"What? No?" crackled the voice from the hidden speaker.
"How about this day?"
"Well my daughter was just born."
"Perfect." Frank said, the glint of hate in his eye
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
haha what a suddenly-reasonable kidnapper
Velo
I love them
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
"there's no need to shout, young man"
Velo
Also it's Emily
Because this is the big sleep
But with lasers
gellaho
Time to handle the sack
LyraV
There was a lot more helicopter than I was expecting but that's on me.
Velo
Yeah more helicopters, less lasers
Brendan!™
good lord, one whole thai meal later and they're still flying a chopper via LAN
gellaho
Pew pew
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
Why not put a bomb there? Get rid of the boys
Velo
We can only assume George had the lasers and he's too busy crying into the well loved remains of his teddybear to use them
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
LASERS!!!!
gellaho
Laser beams were everywhere
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
pew pew lasers!
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
DODGE! DODGE AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT!!!
FancyShark
"Don't ask us why we didn't use these before!"
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
your destiny has arrived joe
gellaho
That's how that works, sure
Velo
"Do these lasers have sentimental value to you?!"
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
now mince! Mince like your life depends on it!
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
These lasers move at the speed of arrows
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
hm the pic didn't work
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
IT WAS MIRRORS THE WHOLE TIME I KNEW IT
GDC's Quivering Thews
this ghost writer thinks lasers work like in star wars
Velo
EMILY IS MIRRORS
FEAR THE DISCO BALL OF DOOM
THIS IS REVENGE FOR GEORGE
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
We used to set paper on fire with a low end laser back in the day
gellaho
Just leave some large metal sheets around, can't see how that could be used against me
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
there we go
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
You don't have to be mostly naked to turn into a diamond, but it helps, somehow
Velo
It does
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
Even though your underwear will also turn diamond
Velo
More form fitting diamond
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
I'm sure it is necessary
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
So the laser beams cut through everything except metal, cool
Velo
Aluminum, specifically
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
shiny metal
Velo
which is weird
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
like this rusty old sheet of aluminum is perfectly reflective?
Velo
Because that's probably the most commonly cut with laser metal
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
is that how lasers work?
gellaho
That is weird, if only you had been told about a technology company with a stupid acronym earlier in the book
Brendan!™
TBF, Emma probably would no matter what job she fell into.
FancyShark
It's video game boss rules. The means to defeat them are always in the same room
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
Wait, Ed works for EELS???
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
Hey, if I looked like January Jones, I would too
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
"no no I believe it. I'm pretty stupid."
LyraV
They'd be so cold.
Velo
"Oh wow... So you're saying we didn't need to set Elmo's bookstore on fire?"
"You did that?"
"Yeah. Joe locked him in before we started it. And all for nothing. Geez, don't we feel silly."
LyraV
And you'd have to worry about losing them and errant royalty trying them on everyone.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
but when you are diamond, you no longer feel the cold
gellaho
But good job spending so much time on the psychic
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
I can only be defeated by heavily damaged stone pillars. But joke's on you, I have to crash into them first
Velo
The psychcic escaped with $2000 and I hope we never see him again
GDC's Quivering Thews
Did they have all those clues several chapters ago?
Velo
Let Zak Bagans be the one person that escaped unscathed
FancyShark
Ed has discovered the perfect way to elude the Hardys' suspicions: Just leave whenever they show up
LyraV
Kudos to whoever actually wrote 'you can't slip up with eel systems' it sounds like synthwave album.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
and to get me to charge you have have to damage all of my giant glowing eyes! Good luck with THAT, adventurers!
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
Soluri was the real hero
gellaho
I don't know if you understand how refrigerators work
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
You can buy a whole washer/dryer set with that kind of scratch!
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
sharp jawed, sharp nosed
Velo
"Bit hot headed but brilliant. Laser expert. Super handsome. Great dick."
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
Fucking around with appliances, kids, amiright?
gellaho
Millions of bits, could you even imagine something of that size?
Velo
It's such a reasonable crime
FancyShark
"Lips like velvet. Smells like sandalwood."
Velo
Just an incidental conman
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
that's so fucking great. "he could build lasers out of anything. He does it constantly, pick a time, he's probably doing laser stuff then"
FancyShark
"Anywhere we put cable, I should clarify. Laser goes all over the place if you don't focus it."
Velo
"Broad shoulders just begging you to rest your chin on them, to let him hold you tight as he whispers about lasers, his one true love. Aside from money."
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
Lasers, you dumb kids, LASERS
GDC's Quivering Thews
"So it would be a really stupid way to control a helicopter drone"
Brendan!™
Why didn't the chopper fly on laser instead of fiber optic?
gellaho
Ah, he was the chief designer on the traffic signal project? Couldn't be him
Velo
"Well... The speed of light is faster than the speed of sound."
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
What makes lasers so much better than radio waves? Said no teen boy ever
Velo
"That's the big difference."
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
"unless you had some sort of, I don't know, laser genius or something"
Brendan!™
Radio is just slacker laser.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
"what do think Joe, is the rogue laser genius who desperately wants money a suspect?"
"seems kinda weak, Frank."
Velo
"From what I hear he and his perfectly toned back left to pursue his own laser dreams, and we wish him nothing but laser success."
FancyShark
"Sounds like George"
gellaho-ing
It's great Ed told this guy at work everything he was working on
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
"let's go rough up the bookshop owner again"
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
Every brilliant engineer/scientist/inventor thinks they can make it big on their own, but then they don't know how to market, mass produce to scale, or hire team members
gellaho-ing
Bold to use all of it on a kidnapping
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
or kill teen detectives
Rachel, Mayor of Bitch Island
or write erotica
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
Tesla
Is a perfect example
Velo
This is the most important step of starting a business
GDC's Quivering Thews
Montgomery has a bright future at Raytheon
FancyShark
Now that the author has spelled it out, you too can determine the culprit!
That's right. It was Hitler!
LyraV
It often is
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
Elon paid for his degree, and also bought into Tesla after it had been created. He has wannabe engineer brain
gellaho
He stole expensive prototypes and you haven't called the police yet? It's been six months!
Velo
"We miss him here at EEL. We always said, Ed, you're the first E, and the most important. But he and his great dick heard the calling of a brighter future, and we don't hold that against him."
LyraV
And probably writes terrible erotica
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
The worst!
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
I mean Nikola Tesla
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
Oh yeah
Poor fella
LyraV
Now that guy probably wrote some dope erotica wait ..I've lost the thread
Velo
"Anyways that's all I can tell you as a parking lot attendant. Maybe you should go into the building to talk to someone else."
gellaho
This seems like a bad system
Rachel, Mayor of Bitch Island
Yeah almost as good as vooster's
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
Ok I think EEL just wanted to see what would happen if they let a real supervillain into the world
gellaho
Great interjection Joe, very helpful
Brendan!™
Emily and her boyfriend faked her kidnapping to get the money. The other crimes were sundry dirtbags in Ben's life.
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
"Fuck you Joe tried science"
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
I never wrote erotica but, I am pretty good at drawing
Brendan!™
This ghostwriter esteems Joe at the level we all do.
Velo
Joe
Joe is here
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
"I wasn't wrong" Joe said
Rachel, Mayor of Bitch Island
show me sometime
Velo
And that's all we can ask of Joe
gellaho
Frank has seen so many fires in his 18 years
Velo
Joe who almost killed George
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
I can't. It was mostly doodles in notebooks I have long since discarded
I should start doing art again, though
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
I recommend a WACOM or similar tablet, I prefer the feel of paper but digital is very flexible
gellaho
Killer lasers
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
Oh I have a WACOM, just don't use it
Velo
I don't like that they're just assuming a Montgomery did this!
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
"I know one thing, and that's what I'm gonna do: lasers" -Ed
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
Follow your inspiration, even if it's weird and stupid and only 20 people will get it, like a poem about bigfoot hunters or something
FancyShark
Velo, I think it's time to accept the truth
Velo
It could be anyone aside from sexy, sexy Ed
Ed with his windswept hair and his slacks
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
But videogames are more fun!
gellaho
That's the theory. That's the plan.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
also true
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
I also have a bad habit of just deleting/discarding shit everytime I move or change computers
I am an archivist's nightmare
FancyShark
To pass the time, they beat up George
gellaho
Well, they probably have this all sorted out
Velo
Nooooo George
gellaho
Unless, I don't know there's a weapon or something pointed at them
FancyShark
Not even out of malice anymore. They just do it on reflex
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
"But Frank, red light is scattered preferentially by atmospheric dust, that would give the signal a very short range!"
gellaho
What's this then?
GDC's Quivering Thews
This time they remembered to use masks.
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
Something like a gu- Laser
gellaho
Not quite
FancyShark
Ed, you had a rocket launcher this whole time and you stuck to flash paper?
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
oh no it's a phoenix
GDC's Quivering Thews
I didn't have hit by anti-tank missile on my bingo card
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
"It's Ed and Emily, doing it on a pile of money!"
gellaho
But what if it's a laser guided rocket?
Velo
Oh Ed
Ed you absolute stud
gellaho
Which I guess it is
Velo
"It occured to Frank that if that rocket was a rocket this was going to be a problem."
FancyShark
The rocket is being controlled by lasers! Mounted on the helicopter! Across the street! Being controlled by other lasers!
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
I hope it's one of those non-explosive ones
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
Oh this was when laser guided bombs were all in the news, right? 1994?
Velo
"Oh god, some sort of tube or cylinder capable of propolsion!"
gellaho
Which exploded his remote control, I guess
LyraV
We have this in common
Velo
uh
...
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
"Clutching his right hand and moaning"
FancyShark
Hit by the tiniest missle
Velo
That's not how remotes or lasers work
gellaho
JOE SMASH
Velo
Or rockets