120: Time Gladiator Mack Reynolds

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21st century gladiators fight a duel to the death to stop war... and save the world from final destruction!

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gellaho

The Book Cage: Episode 120

Time Gladiator

In the far off age of the 21st century, people in the capitalist/socialist West are forced to compete in gladiatorial games based on their caste, but sometimes not in their caste. Beware the politics of academia. But also, beware the actual politics of a very confused vision of the future, as only Mack Reynolds can write. Join me in the arena, this Friday, 5pm eastern.

gellaho
FancyShark
FancyShark

@Brendan!™ ! The bringer of Rex Moran returns!

gellaho

The original young socialist

FancyShark

The Tweed Anarchist

gellaho
FancyShark

hahaha

gellaho

That dude was born in 1910s America, so I don't know if I believe that, but there you go

FancyShark

"Mother, who is Comrade Jesus Christ" sounds like satire

The kind of book or TV show they'd show kids in a dystopia designed to illustrate the corrupting menace of Communism

gellaho

Apparently some of his books are meant to be satirical, so maybe. Hard to tell given how old they are

This one will be interesting, I'm mostly just picking it for how baffling it is

FancyShark

Baffling is always a treat

gellaho

At the very least, this is an actual book, unlike Police Patrol 2000AD

FancyShark

Thank god. Rex Moran was a delight, but that book as a whole was a mess

He should have just made it a compilation of the short stories instead of trying to weave them together

gellaho

Really weird how I took over this channel after reading nothing from the years 2010 to 2020. Thank God for @Fatamatician: The Curator

Fatamatician: The Curator

Glad to spread a love of books 😁

gellaho

I mean that

Fatamatician: The Curator

I am happy my weird book love inspired so much here. The Book Cage is such an amazing event.

Frosty miltshake Thrillho

Levar Burton would be proud

Fatamatician: The Curator

Thank you for your unending dedication

Most British moment from my current Crab book

gellaho

You are the progenitor

FancyShark

I never knew @Fatamatician: The Curator 's love of books created the Book Cage but I will now treasure this fact like a precious stone

gellaho

Yeah, I stole Steele from the tipline ⁠hot-dog-tipline⁠

Fatamatician: The Curator

Of all the relationships I tried to start with a Steele book, this was the only successful one

FancyShark

Worth it

Duke of Soup Javo

I will always take credit for introducing @gellaho to the hardy boys case files

Brendan!™

My king has returned in his promise of our darkest hour.

gellaho

A little under an hour until Time Gladiator. Beware the net!

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

Will we ever be done with narrators correcting their own narration to show how messed up something is? If only! Oh, if only...

Velo

Feels misleading to call the fella with a trident "the net man". That's a trident guy, idiot

FancyShark

LET'S GLADIATE!

Velo

BOOK CAGE!

gellaho

Time to begin the gladiator

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

BOOKbookbookbok....... CAAAAAGEcagecagecage

gellaho

Nice

FancyShark

Nice

Hi, @gellaho ! Hi, @Tom Owns Diebel's Grave ! Hi, @Velo !

gellaho

Numbers

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

Hell yeah, not just gladiators but TIME GLADIATORS...........oh fuck its one of the ones that feels like it needs to tell you about seating capacity.

gellaho

The great hero: Denny

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

His special move: The Grand Slam.

gellaho

Hear the tale of the unfortunate scalper

Rachel, Sex-Positive AKA a slut

Someone get me an abacus

FancyShark

Hi, @FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning ! Hi, @Rachel, Sex-Positive AKA a slut !

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

That scalper? Was Steve Jobs.

Rachel, Sex-Positive AKA a slut

Hello darlings.

Wolzniak made all the fake tickets for him though

gellaho

Sounds like the cognoscenti to me

gellaho

Hors de combat

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

You are a bad gladiator if you cant kill a dude while you have a big ass shield.

FancyShark

Hors de combat are fight skanks, right?

Rachel, Sex-Positive AKA a slut

Neigh

gellaho

Denny didn't get a cool nickname despite being one of the most excellent physical specimens in the land

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

you get turned into horse armour

Rachel, Sex-Positive AKA a slut

They would call him, the Grand Slam.

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

Ironically, Zero's special move is Moon over My Hammy.

gellaho

Fat Funker was the name of my first album

Velo

Feels like he should get a cool nickname

Rachel, Sex-Positive AKA a slut

Odds of zero making it through alive are... well, they aren't great

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

He should have eaten more of his gruel, it turns out if you come in fat they have a harder time stabbing your organs.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

"make this a boring one, the crowd wants a nap"

gellaho

Denny faces one of his fiercest foes: Philip

Rachel, Sex-Positive AKA a slut

Hey, I heard philip was great

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

Philip Philip, master of the trident.

GDC's Quivering Thews

He's huge in macedon

Brendan!™

Never forget.

Velo

I herebow bestow unto him the third cool nickname from this of cool nicknames I found: Blueberry

gellaho

Denny falls for the granny net shot

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

but, he thought, interrupting his previous thought, what if, no, he paused, halting his thoughts before they could overwhelm him, , , ,

Velo

Real nice of Blueberry to crack the top 5 like that

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

BLOCK IT WITH YOUR SHIELD YOU DUMB FUCK!

Rachel, Sex-Positive AKA a slut

Luckily, Tommy Wiseau charges in to rescue Denny, so don't worry about it.

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

You have a fucking scutum!

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

there's no need for that kind of vulgarity

gellaho

Pocket sand!

Velo

Deadliest Warrior does not approve of this

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

The shield he was pissing and moaning about having not five minutes ago.

Rachel, Sex-Positive AKA a slut

Denny won because of his faith in the christian god

Well, and the lions were full up

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

Also sand, the best friend of the unprepared.

gellaho

Denny finds himself drawn to succor

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

Someones looking to get their dick sucked in the gladiator kennel later.

FancyShark

Hi, @GDC's Quivering Thews ! HELLO, @Brendan!™ !

Rachel, Sex-Positive AKA a slut

Denny is ready to plow

Rachel, Sex-Positive AKA a slut

Homosexuality? Please sir, these are Romans.

gellaho

Foemen

Velo

Aw

He seemed cool

FancyShark

His enemy has multiple decoy bellies

Velo

bye Foemen

Brendan!™

You can't call them that!

GDC's Quivering Thews

You can't just call people retiariis anymore

Rachel, Sex-Positive AKA a slut

I don't think you're allowed to call someone a Retiarii any more

Fuckin scooped by the best

Also GDC

No offence gdc

Velo

The rare triple scoop

disculpa mi tulpa

time gladiatorial combat just has the maximum opportunities for racism. Bring it on.

gellaho

Some nicely thumbed bellies

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

I was just thinking about how triarii were the best units in rome total war

disculpa mi tulpa

inward thumbing was my first album's name

FancyShark

Hi, @disculpa mi tulpa !

gellaho

Polish him right off

FancyShark

Oh hai, Denny

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

Booooooo Denny you dont get the coveted Crazy Martinius's Carpet Barn sponsorship with weak sauce kills like that!

Velo

Denny have you considered setting your oponents on fire?

Fire solves all sorts of problems, Denny

gellaho

Denny seems bad at this

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

"my skirt is ruined"

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

Randius the Gaul tore a man clean in half once, Denny.

GDC's Quivering Thews

Good thing there aren't any important arteries there

Rachel, Sex-Positive AKA a slut

You say clean

Velo

Denny what is your shield for? No, that's not rhetorical. Sit down and tell me what your shield is for.

FancyShark

Thighs grow back

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

it's for rabbit punches silly

gellaho

Bring out the sexagenarian slingshot dwarves

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

don't fall for it denny

disculpa mi tulpa

"fake it until the gong sounds" that's bait

Brendan!™

You can't call those retiarii dwarves anymore!

Rachel, Sex-Positive AKA a slut

This is boring. Flood the arena, let's have a mock naval battle.

gellaho

Denny does not make it look good

disculpa mi tulpa

Denny sucks.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

"boo, not very good, we're not into it"

disculpa mi tulpa

work on your cardio brah

Rachel, Sex-Positive AKA a slut

Better yet, bring out Nitro in the Atlasphere

gellaho

Really not good

Velo

God damn it Denny

GDC's Quivering Thews

That guy who's bleeding out is really sandbagging

disculpa mi tulpa

just kill him Zero

Velo

No one has ever been sad about a Denny

FancyShark

When your name is Denny, this has to be an everyday occurrance

gellaho

Jabbing and jagging

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

He just wants to earn his freedom and start a chain of restaurants specializing in breakfast.

Rachel, Sex-Positive AKA a slut

You think this is bad, you should have seen his fight against Chris R.

disculpa mi tulpa

people always stabbing you and then demading a Grand Slam

FancyShark

Is this what "jagoff" means?

gellaho

It's great TV

Velo

This is the rest of the book

disculpa mi tulpa

I think that's the Navy's legal department

FancyShark

By the halfway point, Denny is more tendons and tears than man

disculpa mi tulpa

Zeroing in as Zero zeroes his weapon on Denny.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

whoa what a reveal that was on the front cover!

gellaho

Well, that is lucky

Rachel, Sex-Positive AKA a slut

That is how I describe most lawyers

GDC's Quivering Thews

This is like that old tv show, saved by the gong

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

The crowd starts throwing natty lite cans and batteries.

FancyShark

Next up, Harold Howard vs The High Executioner

gellaho

Also, it wasn't that bad. Denny's just a weenie

FancyShark

The arena clinic takes one look at Denny and vomits

Not from the wounds

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

Told you, Denny, you GOT to eat your gruel, get that thick coat of dude meat.

GDC's Quivering Thews

Denny lost a lot of blood but they have buckets of the stuff just lying around

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

Bulk up so you look like a walrus went to the gym.

gellaho

The Spanish style, also known as Spanish

disculpa mi tulpa

In case we say it wrong? I guess.

Brendan!™

I would give this Denny's Zero's stars if I could.

Velo

Too late I'm calling him Jesus

GDC's Quivering Thews

Imagine the look of disappointment on your kids' face when they realize they're actually going to Dennyland.

gellaho

You need some dill when you are dealing with a curd

disculpa mi tulpa

I'm compromising and calling him Anubis

Rachel, Sex-Positive AKA a slut

So the premise of this book is that entertainment climaxed in ancient rome?

Brendan!™

dill and cottage cheese sounds like the start of a good recipe though.

FancyShark

Ride after ride going past a scrawny doofus getting punched while crying

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

Denny goes on to become king of Dennisland, aka Worse Iceland.

Rachel, Sex-Positive AKA a slut

I'm not disagreeing, I've seen Two Broke Girls.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

I'm sure the author thinks he's writing an "it can't happen here" cautionary tale

disculpa mi tulpa

but with time travel, so it CAN happen here.

FancyShark

Saving this for no reason worth iterating

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

I mean its only a matter of time til someone thinks "Hey what if American Gladiators was literal?"

GDC's Quivering Thews

We've got dill and curds, we just need some gravy and fries and we've got a poutine going

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

Im for it.

gellaho

Time for Mack Reynolds to begin unveiling this book's confusing socio-economic system. Starting with getting paid in Variable common shares

Rachel, Sex-Positive AKA a slut

Again, the Atlasphere would improve things dramatically

FancyShark

The Church of Malibu will worship a golden Motaro

Rachel, Sex-Positive AKA a slut

Zen off

gellaho

Which is similar to the Socio-Capitalism of Police Patrol 2000AD, but not quite the same

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

Im pro anything that mgiht result in a super jacked hot lady tearing lesser humans in half.

disculpa mi tulpa

Zen yes!

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

"Zen, no" what? Oh their society is evil because they worship that false God, the Buddha

FancyShark

If this turns into gladiator econ and doesn't stop, I might never stop applauding the audacity

Rachel, Sex-Positive AKA a slut

Save your fetish requests for my onlyfans

gellaho

Fuckin nerd

FancyShark

lol

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

we need the last christian, preferably a blind man with a sword, to step into the arena and become a shepherd of men

FancyShark

They sent an economist to a deathmatch

I love this future

disculpa mi tulpa

he studies etruscans?

Brendan!™

"Vrard!" growled Best Buddytron, "We're losing seventeens skzzlaks a grawk at this rate!" He shook his head, lamenting the team's depreciating assets in the common currency of the Time Republic.

gellaho

Nerd!

Rachel, Sex-Positive AKA a slut

You talked me around

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

Mack also displaying his amazing grasp of Eastern religions with Zen.

disculpa mi tulpa

wow, yep

gellaho

Total cloddy move

GDC's Quivering Thews

This guy skews the data on how often guys think about the roman empire

Velo

"Nobody read it and now I'm making another" summarizes a lot of what we read here

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

lol he started taking strip mall karate and now he's a national level athlete.

FancyShark
gellaho

The strict caste system of the West-world Welfare State

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

"you know, the not-insane games"

disculpa mi tulpa

"non productive" oh that's a good sign

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

so he willingly joined a club that had the power to vote him into the games without his consent, just so he could do a bit of ancient rome larping

not even once, kids

Rachel, Sex-Positive AKA a slut

I remember the hunger games sucking less than this

FancyShark

I'm starting to see why making these men kill each other became the preferred entertainment

gellaho

Cop yourself a wound

disculpa mi tulpa

I could probably be talked in to approving of it

Velo

You remember wrong but that doesn't make this good

FancyShark

Grope yourself an injury

gellaho

Funked Out was the name of my second album

Rachel, Sex-Positive AKA a slut

I dunno i could go for some cake decoration camo right about now

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

"CHERYL!? ZEN IS A PERSON RIGHT? WE DO CHRISTIANITY, AND HAVE CHRIST SO THAT TRACKS!"

FancyShark

"Let's get the funk outta here" is the 70s blaxploitation phrase I always hoped would find context

FancyShark

I missed this bit so much

gellaho

I'm a Mid-Low-Up-Mid-Low-Side-Top-Under-Middle myself

disculpa mi tulpa

I give them each 2 meow meow beanz

FancyShark

Bouncing a caste is when you get one of those inflatable structures for a birthday party

Brendan!™

This book is basically Rx with an overdose of exposition.

gellaho

Sticky bouncing cloddies

GDC's Quivering Thews

This society's caste system was model on english football leagues

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

"CHERYL! WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CANT JUST COPY THE CLASS NAMES FROM ROME?! FUCK IT! ILL JUST MAKE UP MY OWN! HOW HARD COULD IT BE!"

FancyShark

It's undignified enough being lower class without being lower-lower class

gellaho

The poor gladiatorial widows and orphans

Rachel, Sex-Positive AKA a slut

It's sad but the mid-middle class disappears a little every day

FancyShark

Lousy gladiators abusing the welfare system

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

Widows are cool but orphans can do like the rest of us and go work at the Dick Sucking Factory.

It's fine, its unionized.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

oh shut up Denny

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

Nobody likes an asshole who donates winnings to charity.

gellaho

Your mistake is assuming this society is entirely based on Rome. Mack Reynolds would never pick one thing

Rachel, Sex-Positive AKA a slut

I moved up to management. The benefits are nice but I do miss doing an honest day's labour.

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

Oh shit, did i not give Mack enough credit? Did he read a bit of the Vedas or something?!

disculpa mi tulpa

bring on the Neanderthal warriors. Let's make this REAL time gladiator shit.

Brendan!™

Men with children have no business becoming Time Gladiators. They should send their children through time to do it and return with an army of descendants.

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

Cave men vs Astronauts on triremes when?!

gellaho

There is definitely time travel in this book. Definitely.

Definitely

FancyShark

lol

disculpa mi tulpa

ha, now I feel like it's going to happen in the last chapter

gellaho

Anyway, Denny finds himself taken by Zero's Latin flavor

FancyShark

If you think about it, aren't we the time travelers, man? Like, whoa

Rachel, Sex-Positive AKA a slut

The characters move forward in time every chapter

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

Technically all books involve time travel. Going into the future at the rate of one second per second.

Velo

To the factory we go

disculpa mi tulpa

jfc "the quick lithe movement of the Latin"

FancyShark

Denny admits he trusts on impulse and doesn't regret it

disculpa mi tulpa

I was not wrong about the abundance of incoming racism

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

I mean he wouldnt be the first person to be enchanted by a Cuban man named Jesus.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

his face was inclined to be open, as the medics hadn't stitched him up yet

FancyShark

Nor the last

<sigh>

Velo

Is it racist if it's sexy?

Yes

P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs

Howdy, just finished work

How much pain we in?

FancyShark

Hi, @P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs !

disculpa mi tulpa

well, if you're latin, you're too quick and lithe to be in pain 😄

gellaho

A real rank professor

Brendan!™

Denny decides Zero has good phrenology.

disculpa mi tulpa

Zen!

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

you see guys, without the REAL Jesus, things are pretty bad

P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs

Adjunct, Assistant, Associate, or Full professor?

disculpa mi tulpa

jfc, I won't be surprised when public educators get new job titles

gellaho

It is pretty funny

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

YOU CHOSE TO JOIN THAT CLUB DENNY

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

Denny is in academia and doesnt fully understand jokes.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

YOU FUCKING DORKUS