gellaho
Trial by combat
120: Time Gladiator Mack Reynolds
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21st century gladiators fight a duel to the death to stop war... and save the world from final destruction!
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disculpa mi tulpa
yes! fight you funkers
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Yeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh
gellaho
Classic nine-way three-way
disculpa mi tulpa
this time refuse the armor and just KARATE
nine men enter, maybe somebody leaves
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
More than two sides sounds fun, but if you tried it in a video game, the side that sits back and waits usually wins
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
The third member of the West-World team had better be Randy Savage.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
that's how you win tournaments in mount & blade
FancyShark
Last time our hero won by barely not dying while someone pretended to fight him. How will he utilize this now?!
gellaho
Apparently considering his own mortality makes Denny sleepy
FancyShark
I can relate. I get sleepy when I get too stressed
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
I feel the same about Don Quixote.
FancyShark
Our hero bravely thinks the whole world hates him
Velo
Our brave hero is correct
Wise hero
gellaho
Seems hostile
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Be really funny if the anti anti anti missile missile missiles are just "missiles with no warhead, alot of them."
disculpa mi tulpa
and thus the Hunger Games were born
FancyShark
"Then the Romans just shot them"
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
"then the loser refused to surrender"
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
These combats crop up in history from time to time and they never really work out.
But theyre always funny as hell.
gellaho
Hi, Alex
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
"I choose the knife gun of 1987"
disculpa mi tulpa
huh
gellaho
"There'll be lots of boars, right?"
disculpa mi tulpa
30 to 50
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
oh it's kinda lame they're bringing in a ringer instead of using the three main characters
gellaho
Fast stepping molly with a bilbo
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
serious question, is a rapier good at fighting anything except another rapier?
FancyShark
"You know what a gladius is, but I'm going to Den-splain to you anyway"
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
not really
against an unarmored opponent it's just a fancy spear
gellaho
Grope them wounds
FancyShark
It feels like Mack Reynolds met some British people, couldn't understand their lingo, and declared revenge
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Good.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
I keep reading Mack Reynolds as Burt Macklin
Brendan!™
This is like the Playboy version of 1984.
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Cockney rhyming slang by itself deserves hellfire and retribution.
gellaho
Turning Funker
GDC's Quivering Thews
They don't want a man turning to funk
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
"whichever contestant is slain last gets the big bottle of 7up"
gellaho
Cameron loves getting drooled on
Velo
Don't we all
The thunderous, deafening silence tells me no
FancyShark
Acceptance is best with satisfaction
Brendan!™
People love gladiators so much they will mob a campus, but universities famously hate national sports attention.
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Harvard doesnt even HAVE a gladiator team.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
I think the point of that was that the dean hated attention being on anyone other than him
gellaho
Completely pickled in leprosy
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
Pickled like an eel
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Hey Denny? Why do you not want anything? Like a life of handjobs, wealth, and fat stacks of cash seems great.
Maybe dont be a gladiator at all if you dont want that?
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
because a life of welfare has robbed him of all motivation
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
Maybe some of those volatile stocks, eh? eh?
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
except to be a genius black belt international man of mystery
FancyShark
It's so hard to root for this hero when all of his problems are his fault and completely unrelatable
gellaho
Well, that seems like a good of a place and time to pause as any
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
noooooooo
Brendan!™
He can't finish if the hands aren't Etruscan.
GDC's Quivering Thews
This book really hammers home the dangers of Roman empire larping
FancyShark
GASP
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Italian ladies do know how to work it..........🤔
FancyShark
I didn't expect a cliffhanger!
oh well
We partly did it!
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Mack always gives a good time.
GDC's Quivering Thews
Thanks everyone! I hope all this lack of time gladiators will be worth it
Brendan!™
You don't want to go all in on Mack in one go.
FancyShark
Great job, everybody!
Velo
I am shocked there will be a part 2 to this
FancyShark
Thank you, @gellaho !
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
I can't believe this blue-balling @gellaho
gellaho
Next time: the nine-way three-way
FancyShark
aw yeeeeaaaaah
Brendan!™
Bette meets Time-Bette and becomes her own grandma
FancyShark
Have a great night, everyone!
gellaho
The Book Cage: Episode 120.5
Time Gladiator Part 2
The fate of the world is at stake. The three major world powers: the West-world, Common Europe, and the Sov-world must fight in three-way gladiatorial combat to decide who stole a scientist. Oh, and prevent Common Europe from invading the Neuts, causing another world war. Will there be time travel? I'll never tell, but find out this Friday, 5pm eastern.
gellaho
gellaho
Time Gladiator Part 2 is coming up on the hour. Here's the beginning of second part. Which is actually the middle of Part II, but don't worry about it
FancyShark
Cameron is already more interesting than Denny
Velo
There are colonies of moss that are more interesting than Denny
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
oh denny
denny denny denny
I can't wait to see him suddenly be super amazing at fighting again
Velo
BOOK
FancyShark
CAGE
Hi, @gellaho ! Hi, @Tom Owns Diebel's Grave ! Hi, @Velo !
Velo
Hi @FancyShark !
gellaho
Time to resume the gladiatorial combat
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
booooook caaaaaage
also hi shark
also my baby just shit himself, perfect timing
gellaho
The keen edge of fitness
Velo
Thrilling background check action!
FancyShark
Searching for the peak specimens who can win by just not dying long enough to run out the clock
gellaho
Janos Horthy: The Cute One
Velo
Team complete, let's roll out!
FancyShark
Such adorable tactics. Who else would think to duck down to stab up?
gellaho
He's probably shamming
Velo
Then kill him a third time just for the thrill
gellaho
I can't wait to get stuck by a cloddy!
FancyShark
Shamming and wowing
Velo
I didn't realize this was that kind of book
gellaho
Bette shames the tight, luxurious, sexy yachts. Those boats are just asking for it
Velo
A tight yacht would be the opposite of luxurious
gellaho
Have you ever, like, thought about it, maaaan?
gellaho
FancyShark
Okay, Bette? You're right. But this is a little late in the process to have this conversation.
gellaho
I think whenever you say something like "Whatever happened to the world's dreams," you forfeit all rights to be taken seriously
A king-size buss
Velo
Do they even have money in this future
gellaho
Let's put down the thesaurus, Zero
gellaho
Yeah, everyone is given living money (Unalienable stock) and their jobs give them some additional money (Variable stock).
In the simple system of People's Capitalism in the Welfare State of the West-world
Areze
Bussin that bussin bussy
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Is he bussin' or is he suss?
gellaho
Javelins only is a bold strategem
gellaho
Better hope you don't miss
FancyShark
Hi, @Areze ! Hi, @FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning !
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Javelins only is a sure sign the Euros are going to kite and campe, the bastards.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
so no variety in either team
interesting
FancyShark
I hope he means Javelin missiles
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Trench knives is a weird choice.
Like I can see having SOME knives, just in general but in this scenario you kinda would like something with a little bit of reach, like a nice longsword.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
oh yeah that's the type with the finger guards, they look cool
FancyShark
Give them bricks
Velo
And socks
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
but yeah why would they not have like one guy with longer reach at least
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Like the Celtic longsword the Romans adopted when they realized it was way better than a gladius for close combat.
Or a nice axe.
Axes are cool and practical.
Velo
Good old brick in a sock, the gentleman gladiator's weapon
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Or just a sharpened trench shovel if you want.
gellaho
Spoiler alert, Mack
FancyShark
I would pay good money to see that duel in a movie
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Well shit, Mack.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
NOW JUST PLAYYN ZERO
FancyShark
That's one way to get rid of the only competent person we've met
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Youve already killed our handsome Cuban and the fight didnt even start yet.
Velo
He died as he lived: unnecessarily
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Way to make sure he cant blab about our MC attending some kind of anarchist meeting.
gellaho
Damn you, brain tricks!
FancyShark
Yuri Malyshev doesn't want to be here. He was supposed to be on the Men's Tennis team
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
It's called Running While You Werent Paying Attention.
Velo
Yeah but he's so gosh darn cute
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Its the Communist version of the Jedi Mind Trick.
gellaho
Thrust, counterthrust, thrust and counterthrust. It's got everything!
Velo
Denny dives in elbow first
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Ackshuallllllyyyyyyyyyyyy Denny, the gladius was a sidearm and Roman legionaries used a short spear in tandem with the shield. Fake Rome scholarrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
it was probably the romans' defensive formations or something more than the gladius itself that aided the conquering, but I'm no expert
gellaho
Denny, having split a man in twain, trips over a root
FancyShark
Thrust. Counterthrust. It's all in the mind.
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Trips TWICE.
Velo
Denny sucks so much
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
denny is fucking cheating
no other explanation
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
I think hes trying to do a glitch and clip thru the ground.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
he must have changed the handicap settings while the other gladiators were in the bathroom
gellaho
It's nothing to be ashamed of, Denny, it happens to many men
FancyShark
Denny is trying to do drunken boxing with a sword
Velo
But less rad than that sounds
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Ah Stumbling Asshole style, I know it well.
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
The next stance is Asshole Stubs Toe.
gellaho
Mack Reynolds busting out the brass knucks
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
COMMUNISM WINS! SOVIET ANTHEM INTENSIFIES
FancyShark
The End
gellaho
It's actually blacking out in the middle of a fight to the death. Let's see if it pays off
FancyShark
It worked out for Bilbo
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
He skipped to Asshole Falls and Hits Head on Coffee Table, clever.
FancyShark
Somehow
gellaho
Alex, taunting Denny with how rock hard he is
gellaho
That gets Denny fully erect
FancyShark
They have trees in the arena? That's nice!
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Hahahahah of course the professional gladiator carried.
Good tactics from Alex, he got his back secured and with that long reach the trench knife isnt gonna work so well.
Next time on Deadliest Warrior.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
is the arena so big that the 3rd team didn't know where this fight was? because that's the only explanation for why they wouldn't have pushed their advantage now
gellaho
I think he's probably fine
FancyShark
lol
dear god
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Only six? Man people get stabbed more than that all the time Zero.
Velo
This makes Denny look so much worse by comparison
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
One of those better have hit your heart, Zero or maybe you just dont love America
Velo
Zero got turbo-shanked, Denny. You fucking tripped and passed out.
FancyShark
That many stabs, I think Zero just got shivved
Yeah, what Velo said
gellaho
It's pretty big. They could choose where to enter, there's a wooded area and a large open field. The Europeans are hanging there because javelins are hard to throw in the forest
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
yeah that makes sense
gellaho
Famous last words
Velo
No scoops, only solidarity in our disapproval of Denny
Jesus Christ Zero's alive
FancyShark
"Tell Bette..."
"Yes?"
"I always hated you. You, Denny. Tell her that."
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
"Tell Bette...........her ass is..........nice.........blergh 😵 "
gellaho
Briefly
Cameron steals Denny's sword
Velo
"Tell Bette I was always confused about how her name was pronounced based on the spelling… thank god I heard it out loud, otherwise that would bother me constantly."
FancyShark
His best friend dies and he wears a look of "oh, I forgot to get butter"
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Hahahahah.
gellaho
"SUUUUUCCKKKK IIIIIIIIIITTTTT!"
FancyShark
LITERAL heel turn!
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
lol after "trips like a dipshit and gets knocked out." Id do the same.
Velo
We would all abandon Denny
gellaho
Well, that's a nice surprise at least
Velo
Cameron is the clear hero here
FancyShark
Alcohol: for drinking AND for medicine!
gellaho
Fucking, what?
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
That is a hell of a sentence construction, Mack.
FancyShark
Mack's backspace key broke, it seems
GDC's Quivering Thews
Well that narrows it down
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Just take that first probably and make it a maybe.
FancyShark
Hi, @GDC's Quivering Thews !
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Cheryl should have caught this one, Mack, did you not run it by her?
gellaho
That curdish funker
disculpa mi tulpa
I'm all caught up but should have just jumped to present and assumed "Denny fails"
FancyShark
"CHERYL, WHAT DO YOU THINK? SOUTH?"
FancyShark
Hi, @disculpa mi tulpa !
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
lol "actually it was correct to abandon me"
our hero
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
"Neither the dead man nor the total incompetent would have done it, so it must have been the right thing."
FancyShark
"Come to think of it, why did I sign up for this?"
gellaho
He's up against four weapons, but he's half-drunk and bleeding. He's got this.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
I don't understand why you wouldn't even keep denny around as a meat shield, but whatever
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
The fucked part is that Alex could simply have gotten a sword of his own if he wanted.
disculpa mi tulpa
Spear and rapier in one hand, two trench knives in the other
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Oh and Mack? I dont think after two weapons they continue to give you advantages.
Just dont drop the second one, its not that hard.
FancyShark
Rapier in one hand, trench knives in the other, spear clamped in his teeth
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
I like to imagine hes pinned the trench knives together and made trench scissors.
FancyShark
You carry the others for the passive buffs
gellaho
Denny can't moisten his lips, Simon Hawke weeps
disculpa mi tulpa
sword is silver, one trench knife is cold iron, other trench knife has ghost touch
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
The spread out posi.............so Denny is presenting?
Velo
Those horrible, dry lips
FancyShark
Please Don't Hurt Me-Fu
gellaho
gellaho
10/10 dialogue, no notes
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Throwing knives arent that dangerous, Denny.
God.
disculpa mi tulpa
th-th-th-th-THREE weapons in ONE!
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
a knife with knuckle dusters on its handle? he's gonna throw that one?
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Thats that good Soviet craftsmanship they were known for right there.
FancyShark
It's perfectly weighted to- oop, hang on. Landed in the dirt
gellaho
That's Stone Cold's music!
FancyShark
Our hero, in the face of danger, immediately surrenders
How did Rincewind make cowardice so fun?
Velo
I'm just surprised he hasn't shat himself
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Denny you have failed Sensei Greg, you have failed Karate, and you have failed yourself.
Velo
With a brick in a sock
disculpa mi tulpa
"glass tinkling" is the sound the fucking time machine makes it when it jumps into the narrative off the top rope
gellaho
That's some precise aim
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
How would Denny know?
Hes clearly a fucking idiot.
He Mr. Beaned winning a gladitorial game.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
hey malyshev, aren't you in a death tournament where if you win, the answer to your question is "you"?
gellaho
"I did nothing about it, even though I knew it might cause a world war we don't want"
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Denny you are a real think 'un.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
ok 2nd question, malyshev. If you saw that, why would you think this chucklefuck has any idea where bazaine is
FancyShark
"Can we please drop this subplot? It's very at odds with the rest of the narrative."
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
"Hey so when does the time part happen?"
gellaho
Denny, having had the entire thing laid out in front of him, is only sorta starting to get it
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
"Also isnt the device the science dork made just a missile you shoot at missiles you shoot at missiles? Doesnt it seem like you could beat missiles you shoot at missiles by shooting missiles that arent important?"
GDC's Quivering Thews
They want to invade neut-world to secure their bountiful testicle harvests
gellaho
RIP
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
"Also if the Neutrals are like.....not Europe, the Americas, or the Soviets...........do they even HAVE missiles?"
FancyShark
"I'll be the big spoon"
Velo
"Cameron died. Real, real fast too. Cried the whole time."
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Guess Alex should have stolen Dennys shield.
FancyShark
Denny still thinks Alex did the right thing
Velo
Couldn't use a shield, he was duel wielding spear and little sword
GDC's Quivering Thews
even with the huge to hit penalty
gellaho
"Oh, right, you killed my friend"
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Obviously you fight and kill each other, Denny, you fucking fool.
gellaho
I wonder who should take the fall? Possibly the wounded one with no weapons?
gellaho
Nah
Velo
'Friend'
FancyShark
So the massive fight Mack setup is already done and we are back to what Mack really loves: philosophy
Velo
No. Quick. Denny stab!
gellaho
I'm glad we're sticking with "brain tricks"
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
lol
His wily communist brain tricks!
things like "Rationality" and "working together"!
and "negotiation"