5: Jagged Steele J.D. Masters (Simon Hawke)

gellaho

The Denver reporter met up with the New York reporter and they're going to team up

To do... Something

Old Man Brendan

All...the way...down.

Greg Danang Danar Dono

Goddamn, this writing

gellaho

Higgins now has control of the electronic Steele brain copy. And it fucked with the launch sequence

Greg Danang Danar Dono

So... everything they happened until now was pointless?

sensitive New Age jakesy

Just when you thought this couldn’t get any worse

Deus ex machina to save the day

Old Man Brendan

It pleases Matrix to watch the humans struggle amongst themselves

Greg Danang Danar Dono

Because same outcome if internet steele just took away his nukes on page 15

gellaho

I guess the train isn't connected to the same launch sequence

The bad guy just got laser shot in the heart

Science God Q Alchemy

I mean, I guess technically steele saved the day

gellaho

without really doing a whole hell of a lot

sensitive New Age jakesy

Shouldn’t he just only use the laser now

Science God Q Alchemy

Steele just kills the bad guys, all the other stuff is up to everyone else

Old Man Brendan

He needs at least 20 minutes before he can go again.

Science God Q Alchemy

he's only trained to kill people not investigate or find them, he was a cop

Wait

Old Man Brendan

Remember, although most of him is Nysteel, his penis and laser are still very much human.

gellaho

Just look at this

gellaho

Greg Danang Danar Dono

Has anyone been in a van that flipped 4 times or a motorcycle that crashes at full speed? Hawke seems to think it is a mild inconvenience

gellaho

"I just have to figure out how to stop this train"

"Epilogue"

Science God Q Alchemy

I think it's hilarious how they saved basically everything but his brain

Like did they even try?

gellaho

How'd he stop the train, eh, fuck it

book's over

Old Man Brendan

I crashed my bicycle once because Citibikers are the worst. I was okay. Basically, I am a cyborg lasergun hero.

sensitive New Age jakesy

Also uhhhh the biker boss had to lay his bike down at 90 mph? And he’s just mildly inconvenienced?

Science God Q Alchemy

No wants to see an exciting sequence of him stopping a runaway train

Wait

gellaho

This is just utter nonsense at this point

Old Man Brendan

I'm so confused how the biker guy tried to get on the train at the exact place that Steele had to ride tandem up to to catch it BEFORE the delay of crashing the bike.

sensitive New Age jakesy

Lol god dam Jevvies

Greg Danang Danar Dono

The tone in these books is so uneven

Science God Q Alchemy

These books are simply amazing

gellaho

You know what, this is pretty funny though

Old Man Brendan

Jesuits rule.

Science God Q Alchemy

Honestly I'd do the same

sensitive New Age jakesy

Hahahaha

That is great actually

Old Man Brendan

My wedding shall be attended by everyone I've met in the last four days

sensitive New Age jakesy

Including my bride

Science God Q Alchemy

I feel like my favorite seanbaby line is appropriate for these books. "I've never seen someone be so bad at a thing and not die from it"

Greg Danang Danar Dono

Well we finished the book. Now all we've got to do is figure out how to stop this goddamn train.

Old Man Brendan

Who's getting married and why are they dressed like a far east stereotype of what Americans are like?

gellaho

They never said

sensitive New Age jakesy

Tracy and the stripper obviously

gellaho

Maybe?

sensitive New Age jakesy

Not the one he ate out, the other one

Greg Danang Danar Dono

Tracy never even met these people

Old Man Brendan

Tracy was a corpse before he hit the ground.

Oh wait, that was Tippecanoe

sensitive New Age jakesy

And Tyler too

gellaho

The book literally doesn't say who is getting married, I don't think it's Tracy

Greg Danang Danar Dono

That is worse

At least Tracy said "I'm going to get married to Karen"

gellaho

If it was him, why wouldn't he say that

Greg Danang Danar Dono

So Steele and that's so Raven?

gellaho

The End

gellaho

I would say this is the best one so far though

No horrific rape!

And it was hilariously horny

Greg Danang Danar Dono

Yeah book 3 was pretty fucking grim

Old Man Brendan

Underwear is the only thing strippers wear and Hawke thinks it's the opposite.

Can Steele's ny-liver get drunk?

Science God Q Alchemy

Has simon hawke fully exorcised his darkness? Only time will tell

gellaho

sensitive New Age jakesy

Let’s ask the creator of the material, Bill Ny the Steel Guy

gellaho

That one was enjoyably stupid all the way through, besides the Nuclear history lesson

sensitive New Age jakesy

Yeah I agree, this one made less sense than the rest of them but was still somehow better

Old Man Brendan

"Becktoria sexily gyrated at her job as a scientist, savoring the stares of those G.I. Boytoys who could only admire her body boobily, instead of her mind also boobily but brainily too. let them stare. Her boyfriend was a living vibrator of DEATH!"

Science God Q Alchemy

It kind if feels like the tone they should have had all along

sensitive New Age jakesy

At least there wasn’t like random kid rape thrown in

The last few had one or two absolute cringey sections

gellaho

He must have recently watched some 80's boob comedies

Old Man Brendan

I was eating Thai food. Did Ice ice anyone?

Science God Q Alchemy

I just hope simon hawke worked through his shit in his previous novel.

But the darkness of the human soul is not so easily banished, only time will tell if he has truly escaped his demons

Old Man Brendan

I don't want this to end.

gellaho

He didn't do a much of anything

gellaho

Good news, we're only half way done

Science God Q Alchemy

Everything must I'm afraid

But don't worry, the memories will last forever

Old Man Brendan

If I have to be stuck on my ass for a full year, at least I have these Steele sessions.

gellaho

After Steele, Simon Hawke somehow has 25 other books

Science God Q Alchemy

We don't have bitch ass robot brains that can be erased, so we have that going for us

Science God Q Alchemy

Clearly with those numbers he gives all his works his best effort.

Old Man Brendan

but if we did we could just start over and over

gellaho

There are 12 TimeWars books

Old Man Brendan

"Guinevere stared at the strangers with historical nipples."

Science God Q Alchemy

But we would never learn what we must from the experience. No it is better to carry the experience with us in our hearts, in our souls, in our human dicks

sensitive New Age jakesy

Oh shit. TimeWars. How could I forget about the time wars

Old Man Brendan

Actually, my dick is the only part of me that is Cyborg.

gellaho

This is the summary of one of his full length novels. Count the number of ideas and genre changes

Science God Q Alchemy

Yeah I'm surprised steele just didn't go whole hog, if I may

Old Man Brendan

What a terrible way to learn that Project Download erased the man you used to be.

Science God Q Alchemy

So, is the increase in suicides because they have no fantasy stories? because I would like simon hawke to back that assertion up

Old Man Brendan

The back of the book kind of spoils the middle of the book.

Science God Q Alchemy

I like the idea right up until the fantasy creatures show up

The it's like, fuck you

gellaho

It goes sci-fi, fantasy, back to sci-fi

And he, of course, mentions reproduction

Science God Q Alchemy

The ark ship and suicides feels like interesting material to mine.

gellaho

Do. Fairies. Fuck.

Science God Q Alchemy

Like, really get into ideas of society, despair, hope, anguish the human condition you know?

gellaho

But then it turns into Ready Player One?

Old Man Brendan

Honestly the first paragraph had me worried because I was kicking around an idea like that and also it's everyone's reality.

gellaho

Simon Hawke loves a premise

Science God Q Alchemy

The he adds fairy's because he sucks and I hate him

gellaho

Or should I say, all the premises

Old Man Brendan

But then it just became Na-VRnia

Science God Q Alchemy

I would be interested in that, depending on where you go with it

I like desperately bleak stories apparently. I am learning this about myself more and more

Old Man Brendan

The ship starts to fail and the leadership refuses to do anything about it.

Science God Q Alchemy

I like it

I like that concept

I'm writing a sci fi right now, kind if. It's not really a sci fi, and that's not genre snobbery I mean I just don't do much with the technology or science aspects. They're just there, in the background.

gellaho

But what if there were hot naked fairies?

with, like, their tits out?

Old Man Brendan

It's future but not sci-fi?

Science God Q Alchemy

Like, I think sci fi should use it's setting to explore ideas, but the setting us almost incidental.

Not fully but mostly

gellaho

Not joking

Science God Q Alchemy

God damn it hawke

HAAAAAAAAAAAWKE

Old Man Brendan

If you think that's bad, there's a centaur named Borodini who's trafficking all of them and keeping the poppy seeds.

gellaho

I have now completed my dark task. Time to retreat to the book cage to decide my next undertaking

Science God Q Alchemy

The book cage, where bad an naughty books go