Wait, Steele killed people with his lasers in previous books
gellaho
Yes, with his arm cannons. His laser eyes are mostly for aiming
But I guess they can blind people now
Science God Q Alchemy
I thought he'd lasered at least one dude to death but I might be mistaken. Anyway this is some terrible prose, but not any worse than previous books. Why are they so overwrought?
gellaho
Just need to get used to Victor Milan's writing style
sensitive New Age jakesy
Breakout!
It would be nice if Steele actually uses some of his cyborg weapons finally
Bike Dancin' Greg
And the voltmeter!
Don't forget the voltmeter
sensitive New Age jakesy
They go to all this trouble outfitting him with future tech and the weapon he uses most is his cock
Human cock, I may add
gellaho
This prologue is mostly in italics, so I'm going to have a bad time
And I guess Steele isn't going to Florida anymore, but the Southwest
sensitive New Age jakesy
Oh no the Croatians figured out space travel
gellaho
I've never seen an entire page in Italics
sensitive New Age jakesy
Back in like 92 when they were still pretty much Yugoslavia too
Old Man Brendan
No no no, it's jjust Croatia got blown to hell and now orbits the earth with its own private weather.
gellaho
Our new boy got to the human dick on page 2
So does he need to rest? Does he need to eat?
sensitive New Age jakesy
Too clinical, Hunter. I need to hear about human cocks not “reproductive organs”
Old Man Brendan
...so who's oxygenating the meat?
GDC
that seems like a very personal question.
Science God Q Alchemy
Mentioning his human dick right off the bat
It's crucial to his character
gellaho
This second sentence is "They had done quite a job on him they had"
Old Man Brendan
Steele IS his dick. The brain and guts and heart are all machine.
sensitive New Age jakesy
The flesh of him
Oh no
Science God Q Alchemy
The soul is stored in the dick and balls
Old Man Brendan
that's a colloquialism I overemploy so I can't judge.
Old Man Brendan
Well tell your wife I need my soul back HEYYYYYY this guy
Alpha Scientist Javo
Ship of Theseus solved
answer is: dick
gellaho
This actually pretty hard to read
Science God Q Alchemy
I love the style of writing that's just breathlessly describing weird sci fi bullshit for no real reason
gellaho
"Even if the government of the no longer particularly United States said he was."
sensitive New Age jakesy
Why is it still in italics
gellaho
That's not English
Science God Q Alchemy
Once you replace the brain why even keep any if the old shit. Just go full android
gellaho
I'm not exaggerating, the entire page is italicized
Alpha Scientist Javo
I will say, despite it all, he does seem to be a better writer at least in a purely stylistic sense
Old Man Brendan
If you have no dick, what purpose will this vestigial personality have?
Science God Q Alchemy
ROBOT
DICK
Old Man Brendan
Isn't this a collab?
Science God Q Alchemy
So is he just summing up the series so far?
gellaho
It is not we've found out
Science God Q Alchemy
It's listed as one by some, but simon hawke has said it wasn't
sensitive New Age jakesy
Further research showed that JD actually had nothing to do with these last two books
gellaho
Absolutely
Old Man Brendan
"They just needed an excuse to hunt the very expensive supersoldier who was not a threat to them."
"They hunted that robot like an animal."
Science God Q Alchemy
I found an ama with Simon Hawke
gellaho
Hey at least he has himself for company in this... Future aircraft?
Science God Q Alchemy
"they were just looking for an excuse. It wasn't that steele had gone rogue twice, was wildly unstable and filled to the hills with deadly experimental weapons."
Why did he keep matrix?
Alpha Scientist Javo
Everyone I know is dead is a pretty good summary of the last few books
Old Man Brendan
"We're the same person, you and I, Donovan. I just became supercilious in the six months we've been separate."
sensitive New Age jakesy
Matrix just is. He exists on his own on the AOL dial up internet
gellaho
A couple of things. He wants his body back? How?
sensitive New Age jakesy
Every time you insert a free trial disk, that’s Matrix
gellaho
They can't give you your dick again Steele
Old Man Brendan
So now we know Hawke scorched the earth behind himself and left Masters only ashes.
Science God Q Alchemy
I'm curious what it is that keeps steele going at this point. At first it was revenge, then fucking his hot girlfriend. What is left for steele in this world?
gellaho
Also, the guy writing this is not American "A real pisser"
Science God Q Alchemy
Why? He got to keep the most important bit
Also his body was destroyed by gunfire
Old Man Brendan
These guys write American better than I write the British-Russo empire dialects that arose after the BioWars
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Wait, Matrix doesn't get a body.
Or it only gets someone else's body?
Alpha Scientist Javo
I like how there are airplanes and satellites but we still dont know if alaska is there
Old Man Brendan
Or he's from Maine. But now I am picturing Yorkie Steele and that's more fun.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Also he calls the aircraft “sensual” here on the bottom
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Cyberclone!
sensitive New Age jakesy
That’s gotta be worth something
gellaho
Matrix is telling Steele he can't get his body back
It's very confusing
Science God Q Alchemy
I can buy that. I bet alaska could just disappear.
Old Man Brendan
Steele prepared to engage in intercourse with the plane.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Why would he?
Old Man Brendan
It melted.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Hey, cyborg with human cock, do you want this corpse back?
Old Man Brendan
They should take turns.
sensitive New Age jakesy
“I am ready for the intercourse” he stated
gellaho
These might as well be completely different characters
Science God Q Alchemy
Future planes all have a special adaptor port, but only for robot dicks
Old Man Brendan
Get a few more bodies, and just pilot around like you're Jay Leno picking a weird car.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Matrix is British now.
Science God Q Alchemy
Steele isn't ready to joke about his traumatic death yet
sensitive New Age jakesy
Like getting back to his human body was never his motivation
Why add that now
Old Man Brendan
I would be okay if you backed up my personality for a buddy cop/road trip hybrid comedy, but it is NOT OKAY if it calls me Brendan.
gellaho
We got to the plane crash quickly
not actually a Dr Mithritic
"Matrix, why are you British now?"
"I'm evolving Donnie"
Old Man Brendan
Haha, "Hey, you've got the computer talking completely differently here."
"Sorry, I'll edit it."
"Nah, just add a line to retcon it."
gellaho
If anyone has an idea what "cyanoacrylate" is, I'd love to hear it
sensitive New Age jakesy
I’m afraid this book is going to make me miss JD Masters
Old Man Brendan
"Just jack in and I'll set you free." said the computer, seducing himself or else preparing to sell him drugs.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Hawke wins in the end after all
not actually a Dr Mithritic
I'm just going to get a sandwich and check the door is...
BLACK
Old Man Brendan
Blue-yellow acrylate, obviously.
gellaho
At least we still get lip action
not actually a Dr Mithritic
It not good at holding countries together.
Old Man Brendan
By the end of the book, these two are going to be running a Wahlburger.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Fuck! I forgot to moisten lips in my draft
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
well that's a clunky-ass opening sentence
not actually a Dr Mithritic
This is worse guys. Not thematically, it's just way worse writing.
gellaho
Tits on page 7
Old Man Brendan
This is exactly like when Airwolf replaced Stringfellow.
Sabrina is falling back on her horrendous life of prostitution to remain calm in this sexual abduction.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
So when she thinks "figures" she means "figures my rapist is a virgin?"
Old Man Brendan
STRONG FEMALE CHARACTER
gellaho
Jesus
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Oh fuck no
gellaho
"She could have been a psychologist, also: great at suckin' dick"
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
god every other sentence I have to mentally backspace to understand what the fuck they're trying to say
not actually a Dr Mithritic
She took her decadence in little doses. So you still would...
sensitive New Age jakesy
Aaaaaaand we’re back! Prime Hawke right there
Old Man Brendan
"How do I make this woman trying to save her own life by pretending to go along with her rape sexy?" asked the guy brought in to replace the bad writer.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
I want to see the job advert for writing these books.
gellaho
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Pinned to just the maximum maximum sex criminal wing notice board.
"Wanted..."
sensitive New Age jakesy
She wasn’t skinny, but also not fat or plump
Old Man Brendan
"the rape victim was not skinny, but don't worry, she was not a fattie, you'd still be into this."
not actually a Dr Mithritic
She was CrossFit husky
sensitive New Age jakesy
They call her Newton because she defies physics
Old Man Brendan
"She was actually a Klein bottle, though few men would know her that way."
gellaho
Lips! Lips! Lips!
not actually a Dr Mithritic
At least she isn't barely 18 so far.
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
why is the writing just like, strictly worse. Not like, character/dialogue, I mean it's like some amateur hour shit I'd read on fanfiction.net
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Wait volcano dust?
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
like that whole middle section is a paragraph that's two sentences long and it's so clunky
Old Man Brendan
Smudged in the cement.
gellaho
Somebody broke open a textbook
sensitive New Age jakesy
Oh yeah there’s volcanos in the American southwest now
Old Man Brendan
She was a psych student, so she knew about the olecranon process, that bitch-whore.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
What is a condyle knob and why does he think his reader wants to have to break out an encyclopedia
Old Man Brendan
Don't worry, only skinny-fat hookers have them.
gellaho
Hmm
sensitive New Age jakesy
At least there are no more italics
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Ugh. He writes like me when I think you will know what I mean when I don't want to stop to search for a comma in my comma bag
gellaho
Meanwhile: Here's how sweat works
Old Man Brendan
The bottom-most of the laces that held the front halves of her top a hands-breadth apart.
gellaho
I think the names are gonna be real stupid in this one
Old Man Brendan
"Sign the contract," said Christian, broodily.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Yeah that sentence gave me a stroke
not actually a Dr Mithritic
The word for tonight's reading is "endure"
Old Man Brendan
I am, and there is years of evidence for this, a wordy over-writer. But I am no JD Masters.
I feel safe criticizing even in light of this.
evaporation causes cooling, it's true.
gellaho
Just keep introducing things without explanation
sensitive New Age jakesy
I think somehow EL Hunter is even worse than Masters and we’re only like 10 pages in
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
I'm so disappointed when I read something published and know I'm a better author
gellaho
It might be "pisser"
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
just like, grammatically
Old Man Brendan
I think this dude is writing an entire chapter by going through his notes from high school.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Slaving tumbleweed is a pisser.
That's my new graffiti tag.
gellaho
So now there's an "ERUPTION" in addition to the Bio-War
Old Man Brendan
Biology first period (condyle), chemistry second period (evaporative cooling), english third period (syllogism)
sensitive New Age jakesy
Durga Dancers lol
That one is from Color Guard
His elective
Old Man Brendan
Oh this is before Albuquerque congealed.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
I thought the volcano ash thing was weird.
Old Man Brendan
This dude is writing Mad Max at Jabba's palace.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
He's going to retcon in Yellowstone or something
Old Man Brendan
In fairness, nuclear bombardment would probably trigger a few volcanoes.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Oh by the way I have "Steele's body is in a Freezer" in the pool
gellaho
*my fat ass*
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Wouldn't it have cropped up
gellaho
I'm sensing a pattern
Old Man Brendan
It was a privilege to have the thing half the population was forced to do.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Haha the authors fattie issue shall sustain me.
Old Man Brendan
I, too, am being worked to death by the dystopian remnants of American empire and worry about my ass getting fat.
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
has the writer ever spoken to a woman outside of a court room?
gellaho
There is so much happening
I don't even know where to start with this
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
another barf starting sentence
Bike Dancin' Greg
I have one in chapter 9
Old Man Brendan
Maybe he's worried about fatties because every sentence they appear in is run-on.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Nest of chins is great. I'm lying horizontal with my head in the vertical plane right now. My nest of chins is resting on my clavicle.
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
did the Eye of Argon guy co-write this?
gellaho
Old Man Brendan
White supremacist obese religious nut is more of an Arizona thing, Masters.
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
"Jilly"
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Jilly was brown and the racist was fat.
Old Man Brendan
Rio de Grandero
gellaho
There are more
"The Trailer" are you serious
Old Man Brendan
in Steele's southwest, you're etiher a Hutt or a Twilek. There is no Bib Fortuna.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Did he capitalise the trailer in error, or is it The Trailer. I hope it's the latter.
Old Man Brendan
I AM AWARE BIB IS A TWILEK, NERDS
gellaho
More fat
But, like, strong fat
Bike Dancin' Greg
So much jiggling in this book
sensitive New Age jakesy
Man this guy really has issues with fat
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Everybody's belly is jiggling and this is much more difficult than Hawke's writing.
Old Man Brendan
EDIT: reading comprehension
not actually a Dr Mithritic
He had a neck like a boar hog, and most of it was muscle.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Jiggling under his t shirt? How loose is this shirt
Old Man Brendan
"Everyone in the scene was at least 18, and fat."
not actually a Dr Mithritic
These books need to be graphic novels.
gellaho
Stop capitalizing words
Bike Dancin' Greg
A good author can make a character jiggle in anything. That's the first rule of writing.
gellaho
Apparently you can mistake a robot for an angel if you are hick enough in this dude's mind
not actually a Dr Mithritic
I believe him.
Old Man Brendan
This is so close to some kind of Dark Tower cargo cult.
gellaho
So, wait. They know what robots are but still thought it might be an angel
not actually a Dr Mithritic
This woman was taken slave by the weakest cult. I respect her less.
Old Man Brendan
Does post-nuke ABQ have hicks? Or are these like...lizard-jerky people?
Bike Dancin' Greg
And the pig eyes gleamed.
sensitive New Age jakesy
They’re the ones who put up the signs for Alien Fresh Jerky, for sure
gellaho
Boy, this sucks
not actually a Dr Mithritic
What is his name?
sensitive New Age jakesy
Brother Hunk is laugh out loud funny though
Old Man Brendan
There's half of a cool idea here, I'm not going to deny him.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Such a wrestler name.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Not in the way the author wants it to be, but still
Old Man Brendan
Ultimate Murcan Jesus Wreckage.
We only know two things in this town, and until robots can be enslaved, neither of them is robots.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
So he is called Brother Skip, but wants to be called Brother Hunk and his real name is Hosea Coffin?
gellaho
This girl is asking for death
sensitive New Age jakesy
“And yea, on the 8th day, our plastic Jesus created Monster Trucks, for us to worship on SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY”
Old Man Brendan
But for clarity, he goes by Donnie Matrix
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
this book reads like it was procedurally generated by an Amiga getting revenge for too many games of Oregon Trail
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Or Steelio
Old Man Brendan
Then WHY was it unlike anything you've ever SEEN, Jilly??
Cybernetics student awed by first sight of cyborg.
gellaho
Why make robot in man shape
gellaho
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Oh this is fucking moronic.
Why is he even having this out?
gellaho
Lol, bicycle brigade
sensitive New Age jakesy
She only studied cybernetics because she didn’t get into Julliard’s puppeteering program
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
Idk, some people build humanoid robots, some people name their daughter "Jilly"
Bike Dancin' Greg
I don't really think of ant bites as clampy
More stingy
gellaho
Good lord
not actually a Dr Mithritic
You guys call your bum your fanny right?
sensitive New Age jakesy
If you’re like 80, yes
Or if you’re named Gertrude, whichever comes first
Old Man Brendan
An ant clamped on my foot when I was 11 but it was black, not red, so i can't speak to the metaphor. It was clampy though.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Because I choked. That is a threat.
gellaho
Eu?
"Slavery really is making you crazy, grrrl."
Bike Dancin' Greg
Ok, I rescind my comment about ant clampiness
Old Man Brendan
This 100% tracks like a dude writing for 2000AD who has been asked to bring his talents to America and can't stop doing Dredd satire.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Do you miss Hawke?
Old Man Brendan
The hate...beating off her...like heat.
Fingers crossed so hard Steele teams up with like his Kingsman counterpart.
gellaho
What the fuck are you doing, you weirdo
Old Man Brendan
Aluminium, I believe he's called
But with an extra, extra i
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Oh wait is this Steels partner?
Bike Dancin' Greg
Is there a rule in writing where you MUST have a simile or metaphor in every sentence?
sensitive New Age jakesy
I think it’s actual Steele
Science God Q Alchemy
For steele yes
gellaho
liiiips
She's really caught up on this efficiency thing
Old Man Brendan
The dried meat on the bones had an air of...she sniffed: jerky.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Worrying her lip with even white teeth
What the fuck are you talking about
not actually a Dr Mithritic
What the fuck, she doesn't have to be here? She can just go back to the enclave?
Old Man Brendan
Stalker is coming back at full Terminator tilt.
gellaho
Bike brigade! Bike brigade!
Bike Dancin' Greg
Why is this all still happening? I want to see Steele blast some Borodinis
sensitive New Age jakesy
Is the peen human though
gellaho
Used tire sandals
Old Man Brendan
Fun fact: robots don't have to use nearly as much energy standing up because they don't get tired or unconsciously shift their weight.
So efficient.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
The night congealed slowly in the dust that hung in the air
gellaho
Are there a lot of crips in Albuquerque
Old Man Brendan
They are at war with the Bloods of Wyoming.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Lol future post-apocalyptic crips
Hell yeah
Finally something good
not actually a Dr Mithritic
I'm hung up on night congealing slowly on dust. It may be brilliant.
Old Man Brendan
FN rifles?
I'm not against that imagery.
sensitive New Age jakesy
“Jilly c-walked past the Crips to show solidarity, flashing the west side W”
gellaho
I would just love to know what is happening
sensitive New Age jakesy
Isnt the fourth virus mutation just the pneumonia one
Bike Dancin' Greg
I'd settle for whatever it is to stop
not actually a Dr Mithritic
I feel the author has visualised something and written something completely different.
Old Man Brendan
...are the crips still on the hood when he drove away?
gellaho
They have to rent the city council from the crips?
sensitive New Age jakesy
Lol that owns
Old Man Brendan
This is not far from how it is in Hartford, so I concede.
gellaho
Thanks man
Old Man Brendan
...Suddenly Masters just got more woke than 2/3 of actual 21st Century America.
I am Aragon of Albuquerque
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Do you know I was just writing that and deleted it.
Old Man Brendan
Whence my parley with Ice-Bloq of Yon Crips?
sensitive New Age jakesy
There better be some robo-Ice in this book
gellaho
I'm sure this guy knows what's up
Old Man Brendan
Baggy white linen pajama things.
gellaho
So the Mexican-American is named Miguel and the Mexican national is named Tom
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Ah! How did you know.
Old Man Brendan
Great nysteel minds make cyberjokes alike
gellaho
Also, more fat
Old Man Brendan
I am your Stalker, you are my Steele.
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
this reads like JK Rowling's last book. Which fat person hurt you, Hawke?
not actually a Dr Mithritic
I'm gonna burst.
BAGGY WHITE LINEN PYJAMA THINGS
Oh god.
gellaho
WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING
sensitive New Age jakesy
The new author is Victor Milan and I’m guessing that has something to do with the sudden influx of Latino characters
Lol odd bird dance
Why
gellaho
Stop introducing characters
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
isn't Milan an Italian name?
MOTHERFUCKER DO YOU HAVE LIKE, A MAXIMUM SENTENCE BUDGET OR SOMETHING?!
not actually a Dr Mithritic
I can't cope. The sentences are...
Old Man Brendan
At least he preserved the all-important sandy crew cut details from Hawke.
gellaho
The volcanoes are unrelated to the nukes
So why though
Old Man Brendan
Is Jal...Jalisco?
sensitive New Age jakesy
His bio says he was born in Tulsa and died in ABQ so he’s American southwestern, which is very Latino
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Shitting on his own characters perception of his voice is inspired.
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
open the paragraph with the voice commentary
Old Man Brendan
Nobody expected this kind of ride. After the bio wars, we thought prose couldn't get any worse.
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
don't close with it
Old Man Brendan
Ferroday, just assume I'm using :point_up_2: on everything you write.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Good point, I read it in a voice crisp with the tones of command, then felt robbed.
gellaho
The parade of characters continues
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
DESCRIBE OBJECT BEFORE ACTION DUDE
gellaho
Wheeeeeeeeeee
sensitive New Age jakesy
She had probably not been unattractive at one point
Lol
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
another stroke victim of a sentence
not actually a Dr Mithritic
He was a small, sleek blinking blonde man in a beige suit. He bagged a bagel.
Old Man Brendan
Holy shit, I don't need that much Brand life.
This entire council dialogue comes from a 1950s film.
gellaho
Let's not stop now
Old Man Brendan
I think Masters wrote Fallout before there was Fallout.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
I want to kill the author.
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
I wonder if this was originally written in spanish and clumsily translated
gellaho
Fat, fat, fat
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
it kinda reads like it
Old Man Brendan
Don't stop there, man, tell me about his socks and whether he cuts sandwiches crosswise or diagonal.
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
how the fuck do we know he's a wimp?
sensitive New Age jakesy
Milan just told us, that’s how
not actually a Dr Mithritic
The author's weight thing needs investigation
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
like, all these useless descriptors that do nothing
Old Man Brendan
This is in Donelson's view, because Masters is preserving the obsession with strength.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Right, they add nothing and they come from nowhere
gellaho
Film commission? Fuckin what
Old Man Brendan
I'm gonna say it early: hats off to the absolute BONKERS ideas coming through here. Bigger imagination, but less action and way worse diction.
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
it's like if Axe Cop were written by a high schooler
sensitive New Age jakesy
The sentence structure is just really bad
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Why is he telling us this?
sensitive New Age jakesy
Run-ons, double negatives
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
comma splicing all over the fucking place
is the author so hypermasculine that he can't even stand the sight of a period?
gellaho
Oh, good. Five major factions
Old Man Brendan
Donelson should just deal with the Crips, obviously.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
What the fuck. He really need to justify this. How did the Jr. Crips seize all government buildings.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Three words
gellaho
Starts laughing like a maniac, sure
sensitive New Age jakesy
Mother
Fucking
not actually a Dr Mithritic
You can't just have Volcano:Crips seize government infrastructure
sensitive New Age jakesy
Borodini
I guarantee somehow Borodini is controlling the crips
Old Man Brendan
Roborodini
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Guys Borodini fucked his son. Remember that. Remember when an author though that would make sense. Wow.
We all read that, together.
Old Man Brendan
Listen, it's not child molestation if you do it because the boy reminds you of his mother.
I mean that's in the Bible.
gellaho
Mr. Skin!
gellaho
not actually a Dr Mithritic
I am going to quote you. Out of context.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Señor Piel
Old Man Brendan
Watch my comedic stock rise when I'm finally edgy.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
The leader of the Crips is my new hero.
Old Man Brendan
I am sorry to inform you that your Crip is actually a produce mascot.
gellaho
I wish someone would draw this dude
not actually a Dr Mithritic
He reminds me of tribore.
Old Man Brendan
He did too much work to paint Aragon as a soyboy.
gellaho
Sabrina didn't make it
not actually a Dr Mithritic
If he was going to kill her her could have...I mean what was all that?
Old Man Brendan
This crip leader is nosferatu, right?
gellaho
There is too much happening
Old Man Brendan
WE DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S HER MY GF COULD STILL BE OKAY
gellaho
And a volcano eruption
sensitive New Age jakesy
Wait the Crips run the university too
Bike Dancin' Greg
Haha what the shit is this book
Old Man Brendan
Dead hooker skinned and raped in the warehouse district and we're doing semantics
not actually a Dr Mithritic
And pay for it I guess?
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
this book is written with the subtlety and grace of a school shooting
gellaho
This is. I don't know
Old Man Brendan
Through a break between panels of the cloth hung like a curtain on the front of the table the Council sat behind
Bike Dancin' Greg
It says something for JD that we could follow along 100% when give about 20% of the text
Old Man Brendan
I wrote a whole comic based on people using run-on sentences and i stand before you an admitted rank amateur.
I miss Steele's terseness.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Mr Skin is my hero.
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
I'd be more impressed if I thought it was being done on purpose
gellaho
sensitive New Age jakesy
Yeah Steele barking out 6 word sentences would make this a lot better
Old Man Brendan
Mr. Skin is plainly our new Ice.
sensitive New Age jakesy
RIP
Prayers up for Ice
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
Ice died and all the quality went with him, apparently
not actually a Dr Mithritic
I was looking for a new user name
Hmm. Maybe Mr Skin, the Dandy.
gellaho
Motherfucker. These people rejected the federal government a couple of pages ago. What country are you talking about
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
"Certainly, the rights junkies have much to answer for" you wanna retry that sentence, hermano?
sensitive New Age jakesy
At least that part of Masters is still around, the part that forgets this is the apocalypse
Science God Q Alchemy
I miss anything good?
Old Man Brendan
Brand is the communist.
I mean...GOOD?
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Yeah, fuckin rights junkies!
There is a tumbleweed slave farm like a chapter ago. The Crips run city hall. Who has rights in this?
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
reading this book is like having a stroke in slow motion
Old Man Brendan
Interesting: the Crips run ABQ and are led by Nosferatu
Science God Q Alchemy
I was too busy at work and just got home
Old Man Brendan
Which is Spanish for Our Iron, to You
not actually a Dr Mithritic
This is so bad.
gellaho
I'm getting whiplash
Science God Q Alchemy
Any surprise out if nowhere incest or rape?
Old Man Brendan
Also a gigantic plastic Jesus lights up different colors at night when people bicycle to generate power. And a robot student has never seen a robot.
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
it's kind of impressive that this makes Masters live up to his name by comparison
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Worse, his grammar. I am not kidding.
Science God Q Alchemy
Well 50/50 shot either the books where going to get better or worse
gellaho
There somehow seem to be more people in Albequerque than there were in New York
Old Man Brendan
Well there are no chuds here so...
not actually a Dr Mithritic
The story of how Mr Skin took over the Alberquerque Crips is the real story.
gellaho
I'm starting to tune out proper nouns
Old Man Brendan
Is Steele even in this book?
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
wait
I'm so confused by that paragraph
Old Man Brendan
Steele vs. Satan LET'S GET IT ON
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
is someone speaking?
sensitive New Age jakesy
There have been one or two books in this series where Steele is basically just a background character
not actually a Dr Mithritic
So who is our hero?
Science God Q Alchemy
Ha, this idiot thinks these books are about Steele
In all seriousness steele gets surprisingly little page time in this novel series where he is the title character and ostensible protagonist
sensitive New Age jakesy
Like the one with the guy who was forced to eat pussy didn’t intro Steele until like page 120
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Oh shit I forgot about that.
nanomano
How was he forced?
Science God Q Alchemy
He had to eat pussy for his survival
not actually a Dr Mithritic
That's like kiss me someone is coming of the Steele universe.
Old Man Brendan
Mega-city 4 sucks.
gellaho
This word soup
Old Man Brendan
He wasn't forced, he was tipping his benefactrix.
Science God Q Alchemy
He was being hidden by a dancer and while they hid she was like "go down on me" I'd say it wasn't really forced. It was real fucking weird though
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Obviously male footsteps
sensitive New Age jakesy
It was like major terry or whatever and he was stuffed under the stripper desk to hide and while he was hiding she like grabbed his head and make him get to work
“Strongly suggested he pay her back” or something along those lines
gellaho
Hunk
Old Man Brendan
Unmistakably.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Yeah.
Old Man Brendan
It's not required but it is expected when a stripper saves your life.
Science God Q Alchemy
Only men can wear cowboy boots
sensitive New Age jakesy
I mean I don’t hate the move, feels like a fair trade
Science God Q Alchemy
I love how this story is making fun of the character like 2 seconds after introing him
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Sargeant Dirk Dagger was coming up and I feel commited to Mr Skin now.
Old Man Brendan
I've had two different strippers make out with me and I don't know why. Did...wait, was my life in danger?
Science God Q Alchemy
Like if he sucks that bad just write him out
Old Man Brendan
I just thought they were trying to get a bigger tip.
gellaho
Oh, is that how you do it
sensitive New Age jakesy
They were, just not the tip you were thinking of
Old Man Brendan
Women wear tire treads and rope sandals.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Just say Jilly desperately wanted to make jack off gestures. What is this.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Lol I need to know, how do you make the Jack off gestures!?
Old Man Brendan
Technically it's jilling-on when a lady, especially Jilly, does it.
Bike Dancin' Greg
You can just say- nope, @not actually a Dr Mithritic beat me to it
gellaho
Can you tell this guy is obsessed with the Japanese
I don't know that any parents are obsessed with their kids following in "government human resource engineering"
Science God Q Alchemy
They did actually, all cultures do. It's called "savage unrestrained violence"
Bike Dancin' Greg
He uses so many words to describe what's happening here instead of just quitting writing and learning a trade
not actually a Dr Mithritic
What's a human resource engineer for the government. Cos it sounds like Cybernetics
Science God Q Alchemy
"just hit the fuckers with it"
Old Man Brendan
Nobody dreams of their daughter becoming HR.
HR people hate HR more than anyone.
gellaho
Hmmm
not actually a Dr Mithritic
He found a gun but didn't know Gun Kata, so he put it back.
Science God Q Alchemy
Also how is cyberneticist a job in a world where only 25% of the population and 15% of the land survived.
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
why does this dude have like seven names
Science God Q Alchemy
Bad writing
sensitive New Age jakesy
You just get placed there eventually and one day start posting things like this in your cube
It's 2170 do people just drop 200-yo TV references?
Science God Q Alchemy
How is lost in space still a relevant reference?
sensitive New Age jakesy
Lost in Space as the first reference drop, who had that on their bingo card
Old Man Brendan
ARTICULACY
Fatamatician
I imagine the author is inserting his thoughts
gellaho
Hmmmmmmmm
Science God Q Alchemy
Was this written by a chimp?
Old Man Brendan
Maybe Lost in Space is one of the few tapes that survived for public entertainment
sensitive New Age jakesy
Is he trying to be ironic here?
I honestly can’t tell anymore
Science God Q Alchemy
Then the future really isn't worth living in
gellaho
Moisten them liiiips
Old Man Brendan
I'll give it this: no female characters have been introduced by which body part you'd masturbate to.
Science God Q Alchemy
Wait is steele just dead and these assholes need to revive him?
Old Man Brendan
Which is good considering there are only three female characters and one of them is in separate parts.
Oh God, what if it's 2270 now and Steele's been mummified for a century? It's the Donnie Matrix show now.
gellaho
What is happening
Old Man Brendan
Stockholmin' is my least favorite porn genre
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
I feel like gellaho is saying "what is happening" more than usual for a Steele book
sensitive New Age jakesy
Did he kill off Steele as a fuck you to Masters and is now reviving him to reboot the character?
not actually a Dr Mithritic
I'm have no idea if this is optimistic or foreboding.
Old Man Brendan
Our tour guide is lost, what hope have we?
I don't want to live in this version of the world I don't want to live in.
gellaho
I demand you stop
sensitive New Age jakesy
Ugh
Old Man Brendan
Is he adding a title with each appearance?
Is this the honoriffic singularity?
not actually a Dr Mithritic
I mean, the author is overestimating the point at which a mind has had enough of a given sentence. Ugh I do it.
gellaho
Ew
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
what the fuck
sensitive New Age jakesy
Lol
Science God Q Alchemy
"when my christ statue is activated it's like the feeling of cuming for me"
sensitive New Age jakesy
Literally everyone likes to cum, brother
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Ha. Genius in the middle of this rabble.
gellaho
This isn't necessary
Science God Q Alchemy
"I'm cumming at home, I'm cumming at the church, I'm coming all the time it's great"
sensitive New Age jakesy
I uhh. Think he’s saying it in the “bundles of sticks” way
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Does he mean kindling.
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
no
Science God Q Alchemy
Wait, christianity hasn't been around since time immemorial
Old Man Brendan
I would like to use this opportunity to promote the Savage copy rules regarding come/cum: https://www.thestranger.com/savage-love/2021/01/12/54646208/savage-love
gellaho
This is a lot of work to say fat again
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
this dude fat-shames like he's in the KKK of weight watchers
Old Man Brendan
Why are we redescribing the characters we already met?
not actually a Dr Mithritic
So you know they are fat.
gellaho
Ew again
Old Man Brendan
Did they get fatter?
Science God Q Alchemy
Padding I suspect
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Though pear shaped isn't that big of a deal
Old Man Brendan
How much are the crips charging them for food?
Old Man Brendan
Well padded but nicely shaped.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
warm and runny.
Science God Q Alchemy
I feel like the new guy wanted to write about the character steele as much hawke did
Old Man Brendan
When does Plastic jesus fight Godzilla?
Science God Q Alchemy
Why do the authors hired for this steadfastly refuse to write about the cyborg super badass who is our main character?
Bike Dancin' Greg
We could be in pirate Florida right now. Steele could be blasting pirates with lasers
gellaho
Ugh
sensitive New Age jakesy
He has The Taint
Science God Q Alchemy
Gross
Old Man Brendan
I don't understand. what's the jack-off gesture, is that like when your thumb and finger make a circle...?
not actually a Dr Mithritic
All these post apocalyptic rural folk, wandering around wanking off the air.
Oh that's the perfect reaction well done.
Old Man Brendan
Rosebud boobs aren't technically a sign of British writing, but it FEELS like they are.
Science God Q Alchemy
God this early script for mandy was off the rails
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
how far in are we? how long is this book?
not actually a Dr Mithritic
How is anything like unto something.
Science God Q Alchemy
Chapter 4 out of hopefully 6
But more likely 10 to 20
gellaho
More ew
not actually a Dr Mithritic
It's Ew but it's story Ew at least.
sensitive New Age jakesy
I mean the whole thing with church dudes banging kids definitely scans
Bike Dancin' Greg
The other books ditched Steele but replaced him with other dudes that were basically Steele
Or in Ice's case better
Science God Q Alchemy
We gotta make sure these villainous hillbillies also sexual objectify the science hottie.
Much like the writer of the previous books
Old Man Brendan
Yes, that is a normal chain of thoughts.
gellaho
Hoo boy
Old Man Brendan
She failed to analyze a robot in a week, and about that caboose.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Oh yeah I forget. That way we can slaughter them in the narrative
Science God Q Alchemy
The hero is permitted to be as brutally violent as possible when the villains have no humanity or redeeming qualities
Old Man Brendan
These people deserve this Psychopomp
sensitive New Age jakesy
I prescribe one Holy Trinity, which is what I call a three some
gellaho
I should be clear, the woman who is about to have a threesome with the fat cult leader is some redhead named Jolene
Jilly is 19, more good news
Science God Q Alchemy
Goddamn it. I begged her not to take my man
Science God Q Alchemy
God this writing is just, a plus. No notes, this is perfect
Old Man Brendan
Jolene from the song.
gellaho
This is a bold move
Old Man Brendan
Jilly, just BUILD A KILLBOT
Science God Q Alchemy
That is what the song is about if you think about it.
gellaho
Yeah, doesn't end well
Science God Q Alchemy
Where are we going with this book?
Old Man Brendan
They threw her in a room with Alan Dershowitz
sensitive New Age jakesy
It’s quickly turning into the White Stripes version of Jolene
gellaho
fuck if I know
Old Man Brendan
Maybe we'll get lucky and it will become the Spring Heeled Jack version of Jolene
I was promised Steele, this is hostile.
gellaho
I feel like the cheese metaphor is a little too goofy here
sensitive New Age jakesy
Lol
That last sentence owns
Science God Q Alchemy
This book is so obsessed with her ass
sensitive New Age jakesy
Way too cheesy but Jesus
Science God Q Alchemy
Can they hire a non pervert to write this series next?
gellaho
How does she know about a biker gang from New York
Old Man Brendan
so uh
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Absolutely not
Old Man Brendan
She ONLY got caned, right?
Science God Q Alchemy
So far yes
But I worry what's coming next
Old Man Brendan
whew
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Yes. Because my brain asked the same question and came with, she seems ok?
sensitive New Age jakesy
She’s got two cheese wheels hanging out of her shorts though
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Blue veins?
gellaho
Hey, don't kiss the robot
sensitive New Age jakesy
Lol
She felt the presence of a human peener
Wait
Old Man Brendan
I haven't typed the word "rape" this much since I had to write that story about therapeutic massage with grapes and rapeseed oil.
sensitive New Age jakesy
If Steele is mummified now, does that mean that
not actually a Dr Mithritic
She really extrapolated the memory of a typewriter doohickey.
Science God Q Alchemy
The mouth moved, it was trying to say something. It moved slowly but she could make out the words .
sensitive New Age jakesy
His ween is no longer human!?
Science God Q Alchemy
"more tongue"
Old Man Brendan
It was just terrible what happened at that parlor.
gellaho
Is there a Las Vegas, NM?
Old Man Brendan
"Call me...Daddy...Matrix..."
BEEP boop bip calculating erectile power levels
There is!
Science God Q Alchemy
Editor missed that one
Old Man Brendan
it was super confusing when I visited: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Las_Vegas,_New_Mexico
gellaho
Uh oh
not actually a Dr Mithritic
He gobbled.
Old Man Brendan
This is one goofy rapist.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Try to say "ooh baby, c'mon" like a turkey
gellaho
This is terrible, but I laughed at "my whole body's a lethal weapon"
Science God Q Alchemy
...
gellaho
Good news though, Steele woke up
Science God Q Alchemy
Good of the main character to make a cameo in this book
Old Man Brendan
Max is short for Matrix, it's the future's future and everything sucks.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Metal max is such a shit moniker. It has no excuse. Not even as a placeholder.
gellaho
There isn't context for this
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Brilliant.
Science God Q Alchemy
Oh, huh
Old Man Brendan
Why is the rumor a natural disaster instead of two lightweights frog-boiling?
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Strong move.
Specifically 30 months ago. Two priests who were specifically gay, died in an accident. The rumours have not been about anything except steam mechanics in hot spring vents.
gellaho
Reporters? University researchers? What
sensitive New Age jakesy
State welfare officials
From the government
Welfare department
Your tax dollars at work
gellaho
This writing is incomprehensible
Although I finally figured out that the volcano eruption 2 years ago is what destroyed Steele's plane
So that's fun
Old Man Brendan
does the lava not cool and if not, how are these people alive upon such earth?
gellaho
Is this some avant-garde writing style
So project download is completely gone now
If this had the force of double all the nukes how is anyone alive
Old Man Brendan
I fucking hate Steele 2099 + 300 I want off of this future.
Science God Q Alchemy
Man this book fucking sucks
gellaho
Lol what
sensitive New Age jakesy
Hunter just burned down all of Masters’ work
GDC
gotta kick things off with a second apocolypse
maybe this one will have consequences
Old Man Brendan
So we all agree Masters rage quit and Hunter had a completely different script half in the hopper he barely tooled?
sensitive New Age jakesy
He loves talking about rumps and buttcheeks though
@Old Man Brendan
So we all agree Masters rage quit and Hunter had a completely different script half in the hopper he barely tooled?
sensitive New Age jakesy
100%
gellaho
I think Hunter was making a jerk off motion. But not in the air
Old Man Brendan
Now it's a Karate Kid porn parody.
Jokes on you, lady, all the bonsai are dead.
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
had to get a mention of her tits though, just 'cause
gellaho
Noooooooooooioii
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
oh come the fuck on
gellaho
He does
Old Man Brendan
This is why I don't build volcanoes in the shower anymore.
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
how far is she from this lava?
Old Man Brendan
So much for her all-important scarless flesh.
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
she should be a boiled flesh potato
writers have no sense of convection
Science God Q Alchemy
The word jism is terrible
Old Man Brendan
You'd think, but this fumarole actually exploded an hour ago, so very little output.
@Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
she should be a boiled flesh potato
gellaho
I'm pretty sure this is the lady robot ninja
I didn't think the lady robot ninja would be white, but I guess that's my bad
Put the thesaurus away
Old Man Brendan
Her nipples are brown, so it's possible she's one of the godless non-fats.
wait wait wait
Now we're in the future's future's future dreaming of the future's future as a past remembrance?
gellaho
What a simile
not actually a Dr Mithritic
The style here has braked hard and turned.
Old Man Brendan
Looks like the bronco finally got tuckered out at the clause rodeo
gellaho
These similes are great
Science God Q Alchemy
I sometimes think professional writers should be forced to write without using a similie or metaphor for a while before they're allowed to write books. Then they might learn when and when not to use them
not actually a Dr Mithritic
The voices sounded like what now.
gellaho
You shouldn't directly call out the thing you're ripping off
not actually a Dr Mithritic
The machine killed someone"oh not just a machine" what? Is he still covered in burned beef jerky skin? What the shit is this?
Old Man Brendan
Did we just hang out with both of these idiots and find out every detail about them for them to die like parked teenagers in Zodiac country?
Berserkers are ALL soul.
gellaho
Alright dude, this is cartoonish
Science God Q Alchemy
Man I think finding the movie terminator would be the most depressing in a post apocalypse
Old Man Brendan
At least his lips are moist?
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
bullshit K-mart operates in the post-apocalypse
Old Man Brendan
These Coffins are cagey, but they made one mistake. They brought a plastic Jesus to a Terminator thunderdome
Science God Q Alchemy
This guy writes like a man with a severe head injury
gellaho
This is bold by the fat lady
Old Man Brendan
Dennis Miller, pulp novelist
sensitive New Age jakesy
Lol lava tits over here
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Soft iceberg in salmon dress.
Old Man Brendan
Why do we care what she's wearing at this point?
gellaho
It's like he's trying to win a bad writing contest
Science God Q Alchemy
Why do so many writers seem to refuse to write simply?
gellaho
And he did just beat that woman with an arm
someone else's arm
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Maximus rex, just Kung Fu chopping bullets out of the air
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
why use ten words when one hundred will do?
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Maybe he was paid by the word.
Old Man Brendan
This prose isn't purple so much as ultraviolet.
Science God Q Alchemy
You can put the flowery similies away and just say "she pulled out a gun and fired" like you don't need to overdo every goddamn sentence like this
Old Man Brendan
This video game just got good again.
Science God Q Alchemy
I swear to God this asshole uses a similie every other sentence and if he doesn't stop I'm gonna track him down and fuck his dad
gellaho
I think hunk might be done for
Alpha Scientist Javo
hey guys I just came back and I want to make sure we all are still aware this dude said "Earth's Hot Jism"
Old Man Brendan
The writer employs simile like a soft-boiled egg slowly tilting out of the oblong end of its shell, carefully onto cracked multigrain toast, just on the medium side of black, and which is then gladly smeared across the page/toast/wait I'm hungry.
Science God Q Alchemy
If you wanted to turn him to your side maybe don't brutally slay his family.
gellaho
I think he might be might be fucking with me now
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Yeah the volcano came on her and she was all coy about it.
Science God Q Alchemy
I will not be forgetting that any time soon
gellaho
"The boy who would be hunk" makes me suspicious
Old Man Brendan
Shot that robot right in its metal bones
Science God Q Alchemy
Shooting the robot is a rookie move
Old Man Brendan
gellaho's status is don't open your eyes, and I think we all failed to listen.
gellaho
Get owned kid
Old Man Brendan
Skip Hunksea: Survivor
Science God Q Alchemy
Hope revenge of the nerds malboro man is going to be okay
Alpha Scientist Javo
Total chad move handing a kid his brother's own arm
Old Man Brendan
In front of his crush, no less.
Why don't you just hang a sign on him that says UNFIT TO REPRODUCE
Science God Q Alchemy
Fuck man, cuck cowboy over there can never show his face around her again
gellaho
Steele's throwing ladies
Science God Q Alchemy
Nice throw dickhead
The goal was to not get cut by razorwire
gellaho
I like that he just threw her over the fence before ripping it open and walking through
Science God Q Alchemy
THIS IS COYOTE COUNTRY ASSHOLE
gellaho
total dick move
Science God Q Alchemy
Steele is an asshole
Alpha Scientist Javo
Is Max a bad ass or all his enemies idiots
gellaho
Fuck, this is incomprehensible
sensitive New Age jakesy
Max is just Steele without his human penis
Old Man Brendan
What was his plan if she didn't have an innate knowledge of gymnastics
Alpha Scientist Javo
I feel like the old guy never went on long monologues likes this. The old guy felt much more right to the fucking and the shooting
Science God Q Alchemy
Man, sick burn to whoever this was meant to be aimed at.
Science God Q Alchemy
He did occassionally but he was less long winded
Between these two extremes is a writer with a borderline level of competence
Old Man Brendan
this guy gets America while also wildly overstating America
gellaho
Back to goofy nonsense
Old Man Brendan
Steele's body lay fallow for eons until some dipshit kid aftermarket tricked him out like a used Civic
gellaho
Steele shouts in laser words
sensitive New Age jakesy
Hell yeah Steele is back baby
Old Man Brendan
Picture you don't know anything about anything.
Science God Q Alchemy
I love how him being steele is presented like some kind of reveal
Alpha Scientist Javo
wait I was gone for a bit and just came back why is Steele talking in Caps lock
sensitive New Age jakesy
Because this guy is even more of a hack than the last guy
Science God Q Alchemy
Bad writing
Old Man Brendan
All you know is a young woman escaped the Plastic Jesus Slave Spank Cult thanks to a T-100 and then you find out the murderbot is named MR STEELE.
gellaho
Imagine writing this in laser lights
sensitive New Age jakesy
For a couple of centuries huh
Old Man Brendan
"Hello, my tautly fleshed friend, I am your robot savior. My name? Why, gladly! I am Mr. STEELE."
Alpha Scientist Javo
I mean the other dude is named Metal Max
Science God Q Alchemy
They are the same guy
Bike Dancin' Greg
I am caught up and holy fuck, similes
Alpha Scientist Javo
wait hold on
Old Man Brendan
Is Striker alive?
Alpha Scientist Javo
centuries? Fuck I need to go back and see what I missed
Bike Dancin' Greg
I thought it was 2 years?
gellaho
Fuck no, Steele caved his head in with his metallic fists
it has been 2 years since a volcano exploded with the force of double all the nukes
Science God Q Alchemy
You missed the hills have eyes written by a dickhead
Old Man Brendan
I would laugh my nysteel off if Striker were out here Daken-ing around.
Alpha Scientist Javo
no seriously someone tell me why centuries have passed and Steele talks in lasers or at least tell me where to scroll up to
Old Man Brendan
He died in the desert and turned to jerky. Now this is either steele or matrix repaired by Jilly the Spank Slave.
Bike Dancin' Greg
It is because of bad writing
Science God Q Alchemy
Steele got owned by a volcano and found by a slave owned by cultists who also happened to be a scientist and a hot redhead
Also second apocalypse happened
Old Man Brendan
Hot redhead is redundant, as is scientist redhead.
Science God Q Alchemy
Or I guess third or fourth depending on how we're counting
Old Man Brendan
All redheads are saucy science minxes in Steele's America.
gellaho
We've changed perspective back to naked lava lady
Science God Q Alchemy
As god intended
Old Man Brendan
Steele got out of that nationwide manhunt by dying and fossilizing.
Alpha Scientist Javo
you stink of earth cum, woman
Old Man Brendan
Contralto husky.
gellaho
I was made to live dangerously
Old Man Brendan
You've been with Vulcan again, HAVEN'T YOU? Tell me, I'll know.
Science God Q Alchemy
I love when authors stop to describe their sexual fantasies.
Old Man Brendan
I have forbidden you to die in lava, woman.
Bike Dancin' Greg
What is our page count here? X out of Y?
gellaho
gellaho
I'm only on page 73. I'm probably going to have to stop and continue this next week
It's so much
Old Man Brendan
This guy actually talks like a hawke-Masters douche villain
Alpha Scientist Javo
holy shit
Old Man Brendan
Yeah, this is a LOT to take on.
Looking forward to the concluding novel, though -- COLD STEELE 2: ICE AGE
gellaho
There's that stupid name
Bike Dancin' Greg
Yeah if I read one more simile I'm going to snap like @Alpha Scientist Javo cataloging Chickweed horniness
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
this book has been exhausting
Old Man Brendan
Greg's patience had reached the end of its rope, like a heavy weight at the end of a thin thread in front of a white curtain which was not attached to the cord in any way but which concealed a pervert making jackoff motions.
Alpha Scientist Javo
I like how the villains are just so impossibly villain. Talking like a 17th century
gellaho
This is straight up a fuck you to JD Masters
Alpha Scientist Javo
I hit enter accidentally but fuck it finish that joke yourself
Old Man Brendan
I mean, there's nothing to add after arsenic pancake dandy speech. We all know what's in there.
gellaho
Moisten them liiiips
Alpha Scientist Javo
Die whore, you have had your last terran bukkake
Old Man Brendan
...but her decade's effort!
Alpha Scientist Javo
I like how she is gonna get killed because she won't stop flicking her bean to lava
gellaho
Jesus Christ. They got Steele's horniness
For some reason
Old Man Brendan
i don't know a lot but I know she's going to beat five Nu-Steeles and then have cybersex with Real-Steele.
Alpha Scientist Javo
Gonna be honest, expected better landscaping from the lady than that
Bike Dancin' Greg
At least when JD wrote we were all "Fuck yeah! Masters sucks at writing! This is dumb. Woooooooo!" The writing here is just exhausting
Old Man Brendan
You can't upload a human dick according to the (Lexington) Steele Hypothesis
gellaho
I'm uncomfortable with how often he says "the black one"
Old Man Brendan
She actually waxes with lava, so...
Alpha Scientist Javo
Hes trying entirely too hard to elevate the story and failing at both
gellaho
Like this
Old Man Brendan
Wouldn't she want to hit one of the ones LEAST distracted so she has an extra second before the horny one can switch gears?
Alpha Scientist Javo
RIP these dudes, killed by vagina trickery
Old Man Brendan
Eels don't double really
Doubeel your troubeel
gellaho
What
Old Man Brendan
his maleness
Alpha Scientist Javo
@Liddy Overpower her with his maleness. remember that one.
Old Man Brendan
"Also, though not fat, she still stunk like a polecat"
gellaho
Liiiips
Old Man Brendan
you can't distract someone with a kiss in the MIDDLE of the ass-kicking
gellaho
Is this her catchphrase
Old Man Brendan
"Haha, you gayborgs were kissing a non-binary cyber-assassin!" --Steve from your high school
gellaho
So I guess not a cyborg, but a genetically engineered lady ninja
Alpha Scientist Javo
whose entire repertoire appears to be "all my enemies are horny and dumb"
Old Man Brendan
Her terror is not at being potentially killed but at being spurned by the Viscount of Las cruces.
gellaho
Why did any of this happen
Science God Q Alchemy
Killing people this dumb is not impressive
Old Man Brendan
Did his powdered wig fall off when Dr. James laughed?
Alpha Scientist Javo
I am choosing to envision Dr James like this
Old Man Brendan
This is the protagonist who was originally going to save Jilly, before dude got an offer if he could turn in a completed manuscript in two weeks.
Science God Q Alchemy
I bet so
Actually I wonder is this villain was a creation of the rights holders and he has to wedge her in there
gellaho
Steele figured out how to turn off caps lock
Alpha Scientist Javo
Oh man did he lose his human dick
Science God Q Alchemy
He did, the last vestige of his humanity gone
Who is he now?
gellaho
Another fuck you to JD
Old Man Brendan
How can he moisten his lips if he...no, it's too terrible to ponder.
Alpha Scientist Javo
my god, that is how he will beat the vagina ninja. He can no longer be distracted by vulvular charms
Science God Q Alchemy
He is the only man who can now
gellaho
He's writing all this on a wall
gellaho
It might have been eaten by a coyote
Alpha Scientist Javo
big fucking wall
Old Man Brendan
Point of order: Steele shuts down pain.
Alpha Scientist Javo
Donovan Steele: Coyote ate my dick
Old Man Brendan
What a poetic little detail.
Cute li'l fox tossing back the last bite o'steele and then scampering away.
gellaho
I don't know what she thinks the military is going to do to her that the cult wasn't going to
Alpha Scientist Javo
just so we are clear its now canon that a coyote ate his human penis
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
I know it's a low bar, but Megaman Zero did this storyline way better
Alpha Scientist Javo
Megaman Zero was about a coyote eating penis?
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
that message was sent like 5 minutes ago, my internet crapped out at the worst time lol
gellaho
Back to the character parade
Alpha Scientist Javo
exceptional dickweed
Old Man Brendan
Megaman also experiences bleedthrough from the robots he cannibalizes.
gellaho
Vietnamese comes out of nowhere here
Indigenous Vietnamese?
Does he know what Indigenous means?
Old Man Brendan
OH, your slur's okay because you use it for everyone.
Alpha Scientist Javo
I am setting such a whiplash from these setting changes
Old Man Brendan
"not-white" I'm guessing
gellaho
Why does he keep putting an accent on elite
gellaho
This is how humans talk
Alpha Scientist Javo
loco weed
gellaho
Here's another rapist
gellaho
And he's dead
gellaho
In the space of one page
Introduction -> Loco Weed -> Rape Threat -> Dead
Alpha Scientist Javo
why does he keep describing bullet wounds as blueblack
like, that one dude got choked until he turned black
which isn't a thing
gellaho
As obviously a lieutenant as he was black
Old Man Brendan
Loco weed what pastor calls the catnip
In the future, to survive, Black people have evolved from unmistakable to obvious.
gellaho
These army men are humorously shooting each other through a house
sensitive New Age jakesy
Lol
Old Man Brendan
Steele's arm shoots bullets? I thought he had like a 100-clip railgun and a laser. How many bullets can he have?
sensitive New Age jakesy
At least the last few pages have some Steele action and not just like shitty cult stories
gellaho
Fuck you soldiers
Alpha Scientist Javo
specifically a 10mm pistol, which is like a supririsngly lame gun for a gunarm
Old Man Brendan
It's finally getting GOOD
gellaho
Armored car chicken
Old Man Brendan
Hovercar's the easiest car to shoot
gellaho
We've arrived at the enclave
One more chapter and I'm done for this week
Old Man Brendan
Okay, I know what's up.
This is the part that Hawkemasters wrote.
sensitive New Age jakesy
I hate. HATE. That a main character is named Jilly
Oh shit
Alpha Scientist Javo
I am growing progressively more upset at the name Jilly
fuck
lol
sensitive New Age jakesy
Before he rage quitters
Bike Dancin' Greg
I was just about to say that. This writing feels completely different
gellaho
Picnics!
Old Man Brendan
BWAH HA HA HA
Science God Q Alchemy
"his dick, gone. His organs, gone, his dick, gone"
gellaho
Janet Virag
Old Man Brendan
What is a man when you make him so much machine he can watch a coyote eat his dick?
Accent on the AG
gellaho
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
my eyes just kinda glazed over at the gun descriptions
gellaho
Considering Steele's entire head was robot before, I'm not sure why he couldn't talk this whole time
sensitive New Age jakesy
That’s for sure JD though
The gun porn is classic JDM
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
"be led to bed" oh god is Jilly gonna try and fuck a robo-skeleton?
Alpha Scientist Javo
Lets be real. Somehow Steele is gonna grow back his penis
and skin
gellaho
Post Apocalyptic Hippies
Alpha Scientist Javo
We've seen the next book cover
gellaho
He keeps talking about getting his body back, so I'm assuming
Even though that makes no fucking sense
Bike Dancin' Greg
This is all JDM. Not a simile or metaphor in sight
Old Man Brendan
Yeah, she saved a tissue sample when she found him.
gellaho
This goes on for a while
Old Man Brendan
We call those people Taos residents.
gellaho
Still paying lip-service to the Screamers
gellaho
gellaho
Steele's traded in for a younger model
Old Man Brendan
Who's refining gas at this point and WHY in a lavamarshland
Old Man Brendan
200 years younger
gellaho
This is Dr Singh (really reaching for names). He somehow has a British/Indian accent
In this post apocalypse where they can't even get to California, Hawaii or Alaska
Old Man Brendan
How are we supposed to know if Jilly deserves his love if we don't know anything about how she uses her teenage sexuality to draw attention away from her relatively small breasts?
sensitive New Age jakesy
Sounds like something Borodini and the senators would be into
I just assume Jilly works in HR and talks about how much she hates Monday’s
gellaho
What are we at, 40 new characters?
gellaho
Professor of arts & crafts
sensitive New Age jakesy
Back on the body part fixations I see
gellaho
If this dude was a professor at this University when it was actually a university he would be over a hundred years old
Science God Q Alchemy
This is basically a reboot
sensitive New Age jakesy
I love that description
Old Man Brendan
We are back in New Author territory
I stand by my Airwolf comparison.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Sensitive New Age bear
gellaho
This is idiotic. Singh could not be born in India
Also, calling India third world? Not great
Alpha Scientist Javo
The timeline of this entire universe no longer makes sense to me
GDC
do third world countries even make sense in the post-apocalypse?
gellaho
Apocalypse Hippies
gellaho
Me neither
Science God Q Alchemy
Was there really a point where any of this made sense to you?
Old Man Brendan
A gang rents city hall to your Sex slave cult neighbors and you surrounded yourselves with kerosene bombs for protection. Third world would be quite a step up.
sensitive New Age jakesy
The mustache twitched
Old Man Brendan
The authorities are still looking for this dude? In a world where robots replaced cyborgs and then both vanished to the point of legend?
gellaho
I like that we were dealing with Congress before and now we're dealing with a city council that has to rent space from crips
sensitive New Age jakesy
The Man with No Skin vs Mr. Skin
Alpha Scientist Javo
wow Jilly, that was... unnecessarily racial
sensitive New Age jakesy
Classic matchup
Old Man Brendan
Why are these people explaining themselves to an antique robot, it's like walking Paul Revere through your battleplan.
gellaho
New Age Machismo
Alpha Scientist Javo
"Hell yeah," Steele replied
Old Man Brendan
ran them up your ying-yang.
Alpha Scientist Javo
Isnt Jilly a scientist
gellaho
Brendan, I think you might have the timeline even more confused. It's been two years since his plane crashed
Old Man Brendan
"Hi from New York. Please send back our murderborg when you see a break in the motorcycle gangs circling you.
Alpha Scientist Javo
and one year since a coyote canonically ate his human penis
sensitive New Age jakesy
Didn’t they say something like centuries have passed since Steele’s plane crashed?
Old Man Brendan
Yeah but everybody's talking about Steele like he's a living legend and his complete files are public domain downloads in the non-internet like he's a frigging Compuserve disc.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Or did I just read too far into something
Alpha Scientist Javo
I think they said "This alliance has been in place for centuries" which threw me for a curveball
sensitive New Age jakesy
Ahhhhhh yeah me too
I thought this was taking place in like 2267
Bike Dancin' Greg
If it helps, two gay monks were boiled in a spring 24 months ago
gellaho
the volcano that exploded his plane was 23 months ago
sensitive New Age jakesy
Ah ok. That makes more sense, but you know, things don’t always make sense here so I figured they were just going with the time warp thing
Alpha Scientist Javo
however, just before that his plane went through a wormhole to the year 3000
Bike Dancin' Greg
A lot of the confusion comes from how everything is so dumb and bad and confusing
gellaho
"Being part of the government doesn't make you a good guy."
"Fascist!"
Alpha Scientist Javo
I do like how they resolved the loose plot thread of an evil organization in Florida with "I spent some time in Florida"
gellaho
The Organization was defeated offscreen
Alpha Scientist Javo
Wait... its a post apocalyptic cult run by a tribal council but somehow the Albuquerque Police are still a thing?
gellaho
Stop spelling elite like that
sensitive New Age jakesy
Don’t forget the Crips
gellaho
There are like 15 different groups going on
Alpha Scientist Javo
I like how the level of surviving pre-war infrastructure basically changes page by page
gellaho
Why is this happening
sensitive New Age jakesy
We have national news networks still but local city council buildings are controlled by 1990s California street gangs
Alpha Scientist Javo
There are still Senators!
gellaho
I guess we'll end with the wimpiest apocalyptic hippie
Alpha Scientist Javo
I hope Houska dies from being a massive arrogant pussy
gellaho
This book is so densely packed with stupidity
Bike Dancin' Greg
And then everything is just Mad Max for 2 dozen pages and then a chapter will order food from GrubHub
gellaho
I would have usually finished the book. We'll pick up at pg 107 next time
sensitive New Age jakesy
This was a dense one
gellaho
I didn't think it could get worse. This is so bad
Alpha Scientist Javo
Like, we are ten minutes past a rape army and this dude is acting like its unfeasible someone would DARE use a gun
sensitive New Age jakesy
It got fun for like 1 chapter
Alpha Scientist Javo
I think we know why it only lasted one more book
sensitive New Age jakesy
Which was probably the chapter Masters wrote before throwing up the twin birds and peacing out
Alpha Scientist Javo
"Its not even IN florida?? Fuck you guys, I am describing some guns and I am going home"
-JD Masters
Bike Dancin' Greg
Is it weird that I'm genuinely upset that the Steele legacy has been so tarnished?
gellaho
"I don't want to write RoboCop, I wanna write Terminator 2 but with sexy and/or fat ladies." - SL Hunter
sensitive New Age jakesy
Eh I’m just treating it like a tv show that loses a main character and nothing really counts afterward
Alpha Scientist Javo
also a ninja whose power is showing her cooch
sensitive New Age jakesy
Like we all know canonically the series ended when Ice died
gellaho
Let's not look back with Rose-tinted glasses. Those last two JD Steele books were boring as fuck
But, Jesus. That's a lotta dumb
Alpha Scientist Javo
I've said it before, I've said it again
https://donovansteele.wikia.com/
gellaho
I haven't even updated my own Steele page
It's too hard since Ice died
Science God Q Alchemy
This series is going off the rails
Alpha Scientist Javo
In my head canon Ice is a robot now
Ice is Metal Max
thats the twist
Steele will get his face back and Metal Max will be like... "STEELE???? DOES NOT COMPUTE!! WHAT IS THIS FEELING"
gellaho
You guys remember the serial killer from the very beginning of the book?
Alpha Scientist Javo
oh no
sensitive New Age jakesy
Ugh is it Borodini
gellaho
I don't know, that wasn't a set up. I literally stopped reading
It just didn't come up in 75 pages since then
Alpha Scientist Javo
Its so stupid you are absolutely right though
Like, its just the level of hack shit you would expect
gellaho
I thought the serial killer would be connected to the cult
sensitive New Age jakesy
They did report that the lady died and was raped
And that it was related to some larger cult thing that never came up again
Alpha Scientist Javo
likely not in that order
Science God Q Alchemy
Maybe in that order
sensitive New Age jakesy
The order is yet to be specified
It could go either way in this book
gellaho
Old Man Brendan
Those pro-government hippies vs. those fascist uh...individualist fugitives?
Old Man Brendan
and strolling those Nuremberg Trails
Old Man Brendan
There are scarecrows who scoff at Houska as a strawman.
How does Hunter take four pages to say what Hawke does in one paragraph, yet still cram 10x as much story in? Is it because he's not ruminating on whether Steele is a man or a machine?
Alpha Scientist Javo
Ok, I added that character you asked for "Houska, Scold of the Wasteland"
"Dammit Hunter, I said SCOURGE"
Old Man Brendan
Surround self with gas bombs to secure your freedom of speech to bitch about guns.
gellaho
Yes
Also, 40% of the book wasn't spent recapping the previous book
I didn't read anything about the Bio-War
Old Man Brendan
Well you're a hero for posting it up here, and I think it's wise to break it in two or even three.
sensitive New Age jakesy
The whole cult angle was weird
I had to dip out for a bit so I missed the part where Lava Tits turned into a cyborg ninja?
gellaho
I was wrong about her being a cyborg, she's genetically engineered. For now at least
sensitive New Age jakesy
Ahhhh
That makes more sense. She’s the “perfect human bred to take on Steele” or whatever
gellaho
I think I'm going to pick up some more Hardy Boys books for some lighter reading
sensitive New Age jakesy
I wonder if the TimeWars books are going to be fun again
gellaho
They seem like they'd be pretty dumb. Especially when he starts writing fanfiction about famous authors
Alpha Scientist Javo
Hell yeah
Get the chainsaw one
The only ones I remembered reading as a kid were the first one and the one where they are hunted for sport
sensitive New Age jakesy
Individually some of them probably have more potential than others
Alpha Scientist Javo
the one where they fight a wizard is probably solid
gellaho
I partially just need to see Joe get injured some more
I just hate Joe so much
sensitive New Age jakesy
Hardy Boys for sure you’re rooting for the Hardy Boys to get hurt
Science God Q Alchemy
The politics of Steele really are amazing
It seems like it was written by very dumb libertarians, which is a demo a lot if sci fi authors fall into weirdly.
FAST FORWARD
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We now pick up on the adventure one week later
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
gellaho
Tonight we shall complete FUGITIVE STEELE. We will finish the fight in approximately 1 hour.
gellaho
Now, where were we?
Last time we finished with Steele hanging out at a university that was now called the "Enclave"
We resume our exciting adventures with cafeteria lunch
sensitive New Age jakesy
Between some ferns
gellaho
We meet one of the 19 year old's friends. She likes her despite her face?
This is a very bizarre description
sensitive New Age jakesy
Lol
She’s an uggo but I guess she’s aight
gellaho
This sounds like a lunch I would wait in line for
gellaho
A racist and he talks like Dennis Miller? Sign me up, babe
Old Man Brendan
This is the weirdest chapter of Sweet Valley High yet.
Alaska is a dark zone, but we have chocolate milk and money still matters.
gellaho
You know, when I'm trying to seduce women I also like to say that they're sex slaves
I call it extreme negging
Old Man Brendan
Goofus makes light of Jilly's time in the rape camps. Gallant brings it up only to share his condolences.
gellaho
I truly do not understand what this guy is trying to accomplish
gellaho
, babe
He. Keeps. Saying. Babe.
gellaho
The newest fat lad decided to punch a robot in the jaw. I bet that'll work
Old Man Brendan
So we're just in an '80s film where the dickhead rich jock is harassing young women, but suddenly a 50-year-old man in a robot skeleton is here to defend her honor with violence.
gellaho
Old Man Brendan
...is this a retelling of a Camelot tale?
gellaho
This dude needs to lay off the $10 words
Old Man Brendan
"Let me down, you pud!" cried the insouciant youth, "My dad is on the Blood Council!" but his pleas fell on anechoic ears.
gellaho
He can't smell as well now that his skin is gone
gellaho
But it's still better than the human sense of smell?
SL was very optimistic about the AIDS cure
This was written in '91. He figured we'd have that sorted out in the next 8 years
Old Man Brendan
There's no reason they couldn't give him particulate sensors down to his lungs. Also, does he even have legs? Was his dick the only flesh part? He said he didn't need to eat, but how did he support his hu-man parts?
gellaho
All excellent questions
Old Man Brendan
Imagine if Steele got AIDS but it just sorta circulated around his navel.
gellaho
He should still have the same legs he used to have. He was able to jump from large heights, so I don't think any part of them would be human
That would probably still destroy his torso, but I'll ignore that
19 year olds love to bite their lips for nanobots
Old Man Brendan
Oh no, Steele's gone nano.
"Lt. Donovan Steele might not have a dick any longer, but he knew trouble when he saw it. The grey goo bit its lip seductively."
gellaho
Something is going to have to explain how all these people made it to America in the post apocalypse
Also Eleanor's description makes me incredibly uncomfortable
Alpha Scientist Javo
hahaha
boy he sure does like pointing out black people
oh wait
its a new author, i forgot
Old Man Brendan
Aaaaalllmost made it to the end before getting unnecessarily racial.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Bonded in their love for uncomfortable racism
gellaho
and lip action
Steele's going to get his body regrown. I assume. He's very excited about it
Alpha Scientist Javo
wait, the old author did a few chapters right? Lips and racial recognition? This is a classic author chapter.
gellaho
Simon Hawke said he didn't write any of this
Old Man Brendan
All you need to write a Steele novel is an impractical ideology, a very '90s view of race, and a comfort with age-gap relationships among frankly vulnerable younger women.
gellaho
I wish Steele's nysteel bones had turned into Ice
Alpha Scientist Javo
Steele or James Bond
Old Man Brendan
Well it's cool that they're stem-celling.
gellaho
Wait, what?
I didn't skip anything, that's the next page
Alpha Scientist Javo
lol Steele has Post Traumatic Coyote Disorder
Old Man Brendan
Merciful heavens.
Steele's brain is all machine, but it stores dick trauma.
gellaho
I got a band name if anyone is interested
gellaho
This dude writes so weirdly
You know that feel when you think you can see someone's skull?
Old Man Brendan
So I'm clear...the university people still meet with the religious rapists for like...city council meetings, right?
And the gang crashes them?
gellaho
No, neither the university nor the blood cultists go to the city council
Old Man Brendan
so there's that, at least.
gellaho
The city council is five representatives for the five territories Albuquerque is split into, plus the crip controlled area
I think? There are so many fucking groups
I really wish he'd stop talking about skin tone
"Steele could tell by his robo-senses that there was a hot, young woman behind him"
This passage also contains:
1) More lip action
2) The second woman kissing Steele on his metal face
Old Man Brendan
This man studies his sources.
gellaho
Steele gonna get him a human suit
Old Man Brendan
Nine yards? My dude, you just dropped 20 from the line.
gellaho
He's back with his insane character titles
Who spells it "perq?"
gellaho
The jerk-off motion is back, baby!
Old Man Brendan
At that point, just say you're Team Anti-Fun
gellaho
"The exploitation of women in our entertainment media." Entertainment media?
gellaho
He's talking about the serial killer by the way. Being influenced by "violent media"
Somebody tried to kill councilman Miguel Mike!
Anybody remember Miguel Mike?
gellaho
Oh, good. The Indian guy is literally wearing a turban
gellaho
Jesus. The screaming peaceniks are back
gellaho
What's a more extreme version of a strawman?
Old Man Brendan
Shrill hippie defends capitalist child of privilege. What kind of apocalypse is this?
gellaho
sensitive New Age jakesy
Mr Bravery here can’t face the coyote who ate his human penis
gellaho
It is truly bizarre that he keeps describing skin tone
Old Man Brendan
He's going to overcome his latraniphobia to save Jilly. The reward will be sex upon restoration of his human body.
He will also be 20-something again.
gellaho
Somebody has said this ambulance trip is a trap 3 times. I wonder what's gonna happen
Old Man Brendan
These are my prophecies.
gellaho
I have no idea why this guy needs to drive down in the ambulance to pick this guy up
Old Man Brendan
They're insisting the ambulance call is totally normal but also the hospital director has to go himself into presumed danger.
gellaho
The math has to be wrong on this
Cory died when she was fifteen
Steele's plane crash happened 2 years ago
Old Man Brendan
so it's been...four years between her death and the crash + 2 years powered down?
gellaho
Yeah
I guess that was the exciting Florida adventure we missed
Old Man Brendan
He sees his daughter now. But when his human dick is reinstated he will see...A WOMAN!
gellaho
Jesus, lady
gellaho
"Hey you think I can get in the plane?"
"FUCK YOU BUDDY. YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN ME!?"
Meanwhile: Tony Hawk's Pro Skater
Bike Dancin' Greg
The tone of this book swings so wildly. It's either two authors or one that tried to ape JD but could give a shit 50% of the time and didn't even try
gellaho
Hot Sk8r Grrl
Old Man Brendan
"This is a nice moment in a bizarre world--" And she dumps him for being attractive.
gellaho
Fucking RIP
not actually a Dr Mithritic
I like my reference points for mortar strikes to be based around inches from hipbones please.
gellaho
Strong Woman = Screaming Vulgarity
Old Man Brendan
At least she died finally free of her relationship with Ron.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Haul ass, you cunt (?)
Old Man Brendan
Virag is just reminding Steele he no longer has a dick.
gellaho
Everyone is either fat or hot
Old Man Brendan
Is the one guy JD Hawke?
not actually a Dr Mithritic
I read through but am confused, is Steele in full Terminator skeleton?
gellaho
yes
not actually a Dr Mithritic
I think I fell asleep last week.
Did matrix get a body?
Old Man Brendan
Matrix is VANISHED
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Wait, did they fuck?
Old Man Brendan
Unless he's the Serial Killer
gellaho
"Spotty Maintenance" on the satellites
Old Man Brendan
No, Matrix turned into KITT except he was more Mr. Feeney.
gellaho
He lost the Matrix after the plane crash
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Phreaking phone sex. I'm sure that was real
Old Man Brendan
Some poor bastard astronaut just circling the earth watching nukes go up
not actually a Dr Mithritic
I did fall asleep. Wait did he have MATRIX on CD? Please tell me he did.
Spotty maintenance of satellites
Old Man Brendan
You can't fit Matrix on a CD. Steele's personality is 28GB just for the fucking protocols alone.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Haha? I've been reading these with you. What this guy has that we would call personality is max one song in memory.
Old Man Brendan
You could compress and run a low-fidelity Steele program that just kills people and wishes it could cry whiskey in 8-bit, but then you lose your VR chromium sex skin.
gellaho
Here's a list of names followed by a very weird ethnicity
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Ethnic Chinese Vietnamese?
Is this writer trying for diversity. Because this is superficially diverse as hell.
Old Man Brendan
Aw, they made a Captain Planet team!
gellaho
Randomly, New York bikers The Brood
Old Man Brendan
All you have to say is "Methhead Jeff" and we'd picture the same thing.
gellaho
T-bone and Scroag
In the morning
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Lissen. No lissen!
Old Man Brendan
Fuck you if you pronounce the T in listen.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Lissen T-bone, I should be T-bone and you should be Scroag. Why, you even look like a Scroag.
Old Man Brendan
They get ecuadorian beer? I can't get Ecuadorian beer and I lived next to a distributor..
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Yeah, why the fuck is the beer Ecuadorian?
What's that got to do with anything?
Old Man Brendan
I don't even get Ecuadorian beer when I drink in ecuadorian neighborhoods.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Give me some of that Honduran toasted cheese T-Bone
gellaho
Oat Willie and the Broke-Dick Biker Boys
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Oat Willie sounds like the Scottish pilot from mad Max already.
Old Man Brendan
I feel like collectively these guys are the weasels from Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
not actually a Dr Mithritic
I can only hear Oat Willie in one accent, a sort of southern accent where you breeze through Oat and stress the L in Willie
gellaho
I guess these drunk morons are launching the mortars
Old Man Brendan
DiStefano's a good man!
not actually a Dr Mithritic
I think the author can't make his mind up with these names. Is Vago a name?
gellaho
RIP
This dude loves introducing characters right before destroying them
not actually a Dr Mithritic
It's annoying.
I never thought there was value in creative writing classes. Now I think there may be.
Old Man Brendan
It's good for not letting you know who's going to die. it's meaningless when you meet everyone and then their story ends.
There is, just not in MOST creative writing classes.
gellaho
RIP Vago
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Where's T-Bone?
gellaho
"T-Bone's gun impotently jizzed at Steele"
Bike Dancin' Greg
I hate this author condescendingly explaining grenades to me for some reason. Maybe because of how dumb and poorly thought out everything is
not actually a Dr Mithritic
I feel you T-Bone. It's a terminator skeleton with weird sex issues.
Bike Dancin' Greg
Where does he get off thinking we don't understand grenades
Old Man Brendan
Jesus, what does T-Bone have to do to get this robot pregnant?
not actually a Dr Mithritic
I would have been running much, much earlier than T-Bone.
gellaho
It was a trap!? But there was no foreshadowing of that! Definitely not repeated exclamations of "It's a trap"
Bike Dancin' Greg
The very instant the unthinkable invincible nightmare shambled into camp?
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Yep.
Bike Dancin' Greg
This book is so dumb!
gellaho
RIP light-complexioned black man
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Also, limp piss-squeaking heap?
gellaho
I forgot how good these similes were
Bike Dancin' Greg
Hahahahahaha
So we've left Masters behind again
Maybe you didn't show it but I swear we had 30 pages without a single simile
gellaho
Not her legs and ass!
not actually a Dr Mithritic
She's not torn to pieces?
gellaho
It was very funny.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Like if any ball bearing from a blast hit you, surely you die.
gellaho
Just some more of those similes
not actually a Dr Mithritic
It was very funny.
Old Man Brendan
The relentless killer known only as...Spud.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
This author is just a different smell of crazy.
Also why is everyone lobbing explosives?
gellaho
Fully automatic grenade launcher, huh
Old Man Brendan
They're playing this level on grenade launchers only.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Why would he write that she was shooting dud grenades at people? I mean what reason? Why?
gellaho
She's still able to run despite her legs and ass getting claymored
not actually a Dr Mithritic
THIS FUCKING BULLSHIT WRITING!
gellaho
What a fantastical future
not actually a Dr Mithritic
you know what, BRINGBACKSIMONHAWKE.change.petition.org
Old Man Brendan
so they have internet?
not actually a Dr Mithritic
The ambulance looked like shit. He wrote that. Not in speech.
Old Man Brendan
I'm just going to say Virag caught some real end-of-velocity or ricochet bearings.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
The ambulance looked like shit.
gellaho
Similes forever
Old Man Brendan
ya know, an 80-year-old running uphill is specific enough.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Damnit.
Fuck it.
Such a specific geographical reference
gellaho
First mention of Mr. Skin in about 100 pages
Old Man Brendan
The crips needed medical attention frequently, like one who gets injured in hazardous conditions.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
The ambulance looked like shit.
An author wrote that. In a book where he went on to describe the ambulance drivers voice with an age and mountain trail specific simile.
gellaho
This is just baffling
I don't know what he's trying to say
"She provided counseling, or murdered the fuck out of them"
"He perversely whipped criminals"
"They were good people though"
then, rectums
Dr. W. Sanguine, PhD PhD
the politics of Steele is like a software glitch
it's chunks of incompatible but concerning beliefs sloppily blended together
not actually a Dr Mithritic
You just got dead.
If my children wrote this I would leave them in the woods.
gellaho
"Mr. Skin did everything"
Dr. W. Sanguine, PhD PhD
this is just what albuquerque is like tho
this book alone is set in present-day albuquerque
gellaho
"Here is 5000 words to describe why nobody uses the jail. People will love it"
sensitive New Age jakesy
I’ve been spending all afternoon giving my team performance reviews and not participating in Steele, which is itself a travesty, but also in Steele’s world, a bad performance review means getting fed to the coyotes
gellaho
Excuse me?
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Wait, is this an optional jail?
Is he saying these gang members don't commit crime because the gang leader is scary?
Old Man Brendan
I hope your performance reviews account for each member's race, cyborg integration, and lip status.
Oh shit is Rebel Rogue's daughter?
gellaho
Any of you comic book nerds validate this X-Men
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Stop at X-Men.
Old Man Brendan
She has to be, right? Rogue and Gambit had a southern kid.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Just say comic even.
Old Man Brendan
wait, I can account for this.
This book came out in 1992?
gellaho
'91
May '91
Old Man Brendan
....four months before X-men #1.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Sorry we need to address this writing. Immediately after specifying the issue number and plot of this comic these two non characters are reading. Next sentence:
The six men burst through the door.
Dr. W. Sanguine, PhD PhD
tight fit
Old Man Brendan
Assuming the books continued production through the nukes, the bio wars, and the screamer plague...the Steele novels take place in 2103.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
@Old Man Brendan
Fuck me. This was mad libbed.
2 authors just faxed each other sentences
gellaho
Similes
gellaho
Why did Steele go back to the school if he knows the ambulance got in trouble?
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Steele is a cunt. If he gives up Terminator-hood during an apocalypse, I will never forgive him
Old Man Brendan
UNLESS it's Uncanny X-Men, in which case the year is now....hold on, this gets confusing with title changes, but no earlier than 2070ish
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Nerd.
Old Man Brendan
We have not yet begun to plumb my nerdiness.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
@Old Man Brendan
Is there a Terminator graphic novel?
gellaho
Meanwhile
not actually a Dr Mithritic
"please say yes Malibu 2993"
Old Man Brendan
Yeah, Dark Horse got the license around the time these books were written and pitted him against Robocop and Alien, it rocked tits.
gellaho
This is so weird
not actually a Dr Mithritic
We are in some kind of Huckleberry fin land.
Old Man Brendan
Is she a dryad, spearing frogs with a trident?
gellaho
I need someone to verify what this says so I know I'm not having an episode
Old Man Brendan
We haven't had taut lips yet. this is character development.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Oh that's golden
That's the best fucking thing I've ever read in my life. That's prose
Old Man Brendan
Wait is Mr. Skin carmen miranda?
not actually a Dr Mithritic
That should be pinned in isolation.
just following that up with "..the wax fruit piled on his head..."
That is not how you use yoo-hoo. If you have to use it at all.
Old Man Brendan
Dameron Crowe
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Who's this character. I don't remember him yoo-hoo.
gellaho
Boy, this sucks
gellaho
This dialog is sooooo gooooood
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Mr Skin's fruit wilts to reflect his emotional state.
Wait til the banana goes up.
Old Man Brendan
A little person sinking pool balls with his crutches is a vision, I'll give it that. But so was dante's inferno.
Man, the politics of ABQ would stymie Kissinger
gellaho
I'm counting 5 similes in here
Everybody gets one!
Old Man Brendan
What a fuckin' clown parade.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Roll call for this book
That would be a thing.
Old Man Brendan
Your parents' cocktail party comes complete with squibs.
gellaho
These people are so unpleasant
not actually a Dr Mithritic
The author went to one contentious council meeting and was scarred.
gellaho
There is so much screaming, screeching, shouting
I hate it
GDC
Describing the woman as shrill is kind of telling on yourself.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
I haven't got a clue what's going on in there.
Old Man Brendan
I feel like everyone in this book is shrill
gellaho
shrill, hot or fat
not actually a Dr Mithritic
I want Skin to talk like a bunch of gay squirrels climbing a ladder. Then I want his real fox fur scarf to glance around curiously.
GDC
I also love the seemingly pointless italicized slur.
gellaho
Federal subsidies. Subsidies. Post apocalyptic subsidies
not actually a Dr Mithritic
What a boring motivation
gellaho
The federal government couldn't stop a military coup in Wyoming. You think they give a shit about Albuquerque? They can barely do anything in New York. where they live
GDC
I don't think that's how governments recognize authority.
Oh, you caught a criminal? Guess you're the mayor now.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
I don't think the government in these books can award subsidies.
What do any of these bullshit economies produce?
Old Man Brendan
The government's withholding aide unless you can bring back a robot that everyone knows never hurt anybody but one ship in the night character framed for political power.
GDC
The authors only occasionally remember this is supposed to be post apocalyptic.
Old Man Brendan
The government produces X-Men comics, for a robust trade in ecuadorian beer.
It's a VERY small economy but it's thriving.
gellaho
So is he an unstoppable killer or a compassionate warrior?
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Except reasonable satellite maintanence, A.I and cyborgs, and the ability to clone organs in hours.
Old Man Brendan
Occasional stops in Brazil for gameboy cartridges full of porn
gellaho
You gotta be fucking kidding me
not actually a Dr Mithritic
I know these metal skeleton with laser eye types, they're all the fucking same.
Old Man Brendan
Steele is weak, except where he's a killer who relishes violence. These people don't know his MULTITUDES, man!
No one knows, what it's like...to be a ROBOT
To be the SSD one
not actually a Dr Mithritic
This book makes me want to cut calories and do planks
GDC
He's completely unique, but also recognizable as a 'type'.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
The world is run by men with guts.
Old Man Brendan
That's why Steele, lacking ANY viscera, is the biggest threat to their authority.
gellaho
I hate SL Hunter so damn much
not actually a Dr Mithritic
It's worse somehow. And these are the worst things anybody has ever shown me.
gellaho
Are you expecting to capture him or not?
What they want to do, what they think, everything is flying in every direction
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Weird fucking belly hang ups and then, detail about explosives.
Old Man Brendan
These groups just spent an hour bombing the shit out of each other's children and NOW comes the diplomacy scene.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Hawke was a guy toying with age of consent issues.
This guy is a body shamed poet planning an act of terrorism though.
Can you imagine the shit talk between these literary heavyweights?
gellaho
There are too many people in this book
Remember: There was a volcanic explosion twice the size of all the nukes
two years ago
Old Man Brendan
Albuquerque is the North Korea of Steeleworld
They're all guns, no butter, and just looking to the US Feds for a handout
gellaho
after a virus and biowar killed 75% of the Earth's population
There should be like 2 people in New Mexico, tops
Old Man Brendan
Aragon held by the bow and the sword of his fathers. fifteen generations of his line had held fast by Riorun
Old Man Brendan
Both of them overly tanned divorcees with bone-blonde short-crops.
gellaho
Ugh
Really? Parasol
Old Man Brendan
That arroyo sun's a killer.
gellaho
Time Magazine still out there
Old Man Brendan
I really stand by my "2000AD author" theory.
gellaho
Only the post apocalypse could save print
Old Man Brendan
Well it's the one periodical the Screamers can read.
gellaho
The race stuff is so weird
Old Man Brendan
Just once I want to read a book that says a French
sensitive New Age jakesy
A Vietnamese
gellaho
Do you get it? He's Vietnamese
Old Man Brendan
Although I guess an American is double-duty.
Who are they even bombing?
Is this all a metaphor for Vietnam?
gellaho
Do they have Jesus cults in Vietnam?
I think the word problematic was invented for this section
Old Man Brendan
Shout out to the crips who are progressive enough to follow an openly gay man in Carmen Miranda drag these days unless it's red.
gellaho
Who knew this shrieking pansy would be a bad guy
gellaho
I am very interested in the legitimacy of the Albuquerque government. Said no one
Old Man Brendan
I feel like I agree with everything Dr. Houska thinks and would absolutely befriend Hunter Snipekowski just because we both hate Houska's guts and just want to drink beer in peace.
He's like a smarmier, non-confrontational Alec Baldwin.
gellaho
The city council murdered and captured members of our enclave, but they're reasonable
Unlike that robot that... Exists
Old Man Brendan
The university-hospital needs to argue not to the religious kooks or the gang, but the city council, that they should exist.
Bike Dancin' Greg
I love that the volcano had nothing to do with the rest. Like the first 4 apocalypses were different viruses
Old Man Brendan
Hey, in 1991 you don't change what you've already written. Your Selectric typewriter can't process that many words.
gellaho
SL Hunter can write the most contemptible man ever
Alpha Scientist Javo
I love that the greatest villain of this novel is a pacisifst
Old Man Brendan
We're just glossing over that he brought Jilly back with tales of harrowing escpae from sexual assault?
"everybody knows our Jeff, let's have a big hand for him now." Oh, FUCK YOU, Left-Wing Trump.
Bike Dancin' Greg
I have such a hard time picturing steele as a goofy shambling skeleton man instead of our grimacing hero :SteeleYourself:
gellaho
Jesus. These hippies are the worst
SL Hunter, you can only make me feel rage
But different kinds of rage
Old Man Brendan
Hippies are always the worst people in the room.
Alpha Scientist Javo
This is hitting some serious late Sword of Truth level vibes
Bike Dancin' Greg
I'm so lost by all the factions and characters in this insane government
Old Man Brendan
Hippies are like "Burn it all down, man," but they have no proposed replacement except armpit crystals and not enforcing the chore chart.
gellaho
"Like a penny tossed in lava"
And a weird amplifier
Old Man Brendan
The specter of the volcano looms large.
Alpha Scientist Javo
You know, if step back and really think about it, saying Steele is a violent maniac who brings doom everywhere he goes is not wrong
gellaho
Boy, do I hate all of this shrieking
Old Man Brendan
I'm gonna say it: they should all move. There's no point to this. They should band together, withdraw to Espanola, and just send teams to stripmine the city for valuable materials.
Old Man Brendan
But it's correlation, not causation. The politics were boiling over anyway.
Alpha Scientist Javo
If this were written a generation later he would be attacked by literal social justice warriors
Old Man Brendan
Christ, it's Anne again.
Alpha Scientist Javo
For the love of our community and Mother Earth screamed the least subtle satirical strawman ever
gellaho
Security is on his side. Make sure to mark everyone's ethnicity
Old Man Brendan
You guys are going to flip when you realize every one of these characters is extrapolated from an episode of Family Ties.
She's biting that lip.
What does the city council see as its responsibility if not to mortar all factions of its citizenry?
Alpha Scientist Javo
with the level of ethnic sensitivity in these books I am surprised its not the "sacred grenade launcher of my ancestors"
Old Man Brendan
"The woman's proud eyes flashed. Surrender her weapon? He might as well ask her to lie down and die. And yet...did the ancients not speak of a man who was more and less than man both?"
gellaho
"He grinned wolfishly beneath his moustache"
Old Man Brendan
"Steele accepted the proffered grenade launcher. 'Ahehee' he whispered through his voice modulator."
Alpha Scientist Javo
The legends speak of the man with a shining skeleton, known in her tribal tongue as Dick-Eaten-by-Coyote
Old Man Brendan
You win.
Alpha Scientist Javo
Its a group effort
Old Man Brendan
Just leave the first nations out of this book, haven't they suffered enough?
gellaho
The peacenik's unbeatable plan has been foiled
by GUNS
Old Man Brendan
All peaceniks are closet murdermongers.
how far away is Houska?
Did he just land a full clip in Steele's face from far enough away to avoid ricochets?
Alpha Scientist Javo
I feel like there is a message in all of this the author wishes to impart
Old Man Brendan
"Guns good but violence not good"
gellaho
Maybe Mr Skin had a harem. Then again, maybe not
Alpha Scientist Javo
Aside from the cross dressing
Old Man Brendan
I can perfectly accept Mr. Skin might be straight, bi, or "let me elaborate" but I AM surprised Hunter can.
gellaho
You'll never guess, but he just introduced two gang members. One of them immediately died
Old Man Brendan
IMploded?
Alpha Scientist Javo
remember, this was in the 90s when the only genders were man, woman, and villain
Old Man Brendan
Steele out here, "I am not the monster you think me to be!" before squeezing a teen's head into shards.
gellaho
Ol Dameron is going to help Steele out. I guess
gellaho
Too bad Steele murdered that guy for no reason then
When he hit the middle of Fruit?
gellaho
Murder similes
gellaho
He loves saying guns cum
gellaho
Steele has murdered all without much struggle
gellaho
Thrilling
gellaho
Here comes spud out of nowhere
gellaho
Apparently the movie Heavy Metal is a cultural touchstone in the future
gellaho
For young people?
I think this guy forgot this takes place in the future
Deus Ex Crutch
gellaho
For some reason his skin loss has made his peripheral vision worse
gellaho
Mike Mike is very excited about shooting his gun
gellaho
The crutch is a rifle
gellaho
We're truly in dumb country
This will officially make it really creepy if these two fuck
gellaho
Two pages later, Jilly is fine
Bike Dancin' Greg
Why can't I crrrryyyyy
gellaho
This has all the tension of a Hardy Boys book
Alpha Scientist Javo
what the fuck
Bike Dancin' Greg
So dumb
They could have just... not had her get shot in the chest 3 times?
gellaho
Steele has his lips back
Bike Dancin' Greg
What
About
His
Dick?
gellaho
In case you forgot about the jerky she practically licked
gellaho
He has real skin
gellaho
But he still has his robot brain and skeleton
Dr. W. Sanguine, PhD PhD
he's a real boy again
gellaho
There's nothing explicitly about his dick, unfortunately
And don't forget about lady ninja
And I guess that's it
Kinda feels like there are a lot of loose ends
GDC
Wait, so he has muscles that are made out of meat but it's his skeleton that makes him super strong
Dr. W. Sanguine, PhD PhD
i can kinda see how that works, a little
Bike Dancin' Greg
I... can't?
GDC
So if his bones are providing the forces (through, like, joint motors?)
Bike Dancin' Greg
Like does he have nerves and stuff that somehow connect to his computer brain?
gellaho
There's the cult still out there
Like five council members
The air force is going to be pretty pissed about they're people getting destroyed
The crips and Mr. Skin kind of just disappeared
And that serial killer
Remember the serial killer?
GDC
Would he get ripped that way?
gellaho
Well, that was terrible
Terrible like a sandwich that has been in the trash for 3 days and baking under the suns rays
That was my attempt at a Hunter simile
Bike Dancin' Greg
I will never move past the technology these people needed to have, 2 years after a volcano destroyed everything. Way more advanced than what it took to make Steele, maybe? I think I need a cleanser
GDC
I spent half this read-through commuting, so I missed out on a lot. But I also feel like I was spared from a lot.
gellaho
There's only one Steele book left, but I'm probably going to try something else next week.
Bike Dancin' Greg
Specifically to grow back Steele's flesh from a small tissue sample. Like the skin and different muscles and eyes and stuff are all back? They grew all that separately or on him?
Bike Dancin' Greg
I think we could use a break
gellaho
Look, they had a vat. What more explanation do you want?
vat = science magic
GDC
No one should be pressured in to consuming more Steele than they're comfortable taking.
The skeleton thing still bugs me. Does he have hydraulics like a Terminator?
Bike Dancin' Greg
And why acknowledge that "it felt like his nysteel skeleton would cut through his feet"? It definitely would tear him apart as soon as he tries any superhuman strength stuff. I'm willing to suspend disbelief but not if they call it out right away here
gellaho
The fact that I didn't get any mention of Steele's post-regeneration penis is unforgivable. That is a fundamental part of the franchise
GDC
Steele's Achilles tendon just flapping in the wind after one step.
gellaho
I don't feel like S.L. hunter understands the Steele character like I do
Science God Q Alchemy
Sorry I missed this, for explanation check general
GDC
He doesn't really understand the core of the character, and what makes him relatable to the audience.
Namely, his human dick.
Science God Q Alchemy
Taking away the human penis was the next logical step for the characters arc
gellaho
I think in the next book he'll get in some sexy fights with the genetically-engineered lady ninja
Science God Q Alchemy
I hope I can catch it, I've missed most if this book. I just hope I didn't miss any details crucial for understanding the intricate plot
gellaho
Maybe, SL Hunter did burn everything to the ground and invent 250 new characters
He killed like 150 of them, but still
GDC
It's the post apocalyptic future, except when it isn't.
gellaho
There was a volcanic eruption that was the size of all the nukes times two
It seems to have not done much
Science God Q Alchemy
I mean 75% of humanity died and all that happened was crime and gang violence went up
gellaho
To the extent that there seem to be 50 times as many people in Albuquerque as there were in New York
Bike Dancin' Greg
From page to page the society was either Mad Max Bartertown or basically today with better technology
gellaho
SL Hunter's trademarks so far seem to be confused character motivation and similes
Science God Q Alchemy
That's not a trademark, that's just bad writing
gellaho
He wields the simile like a maniac with a hammer
Bike Dancin' Greg
He struggles to avoid similes like a portly man's loose button struggles to restrain a 60 year old man's jiggling belly after eating a Butterball turkey at a Thanksgiving dinner in Connecticut
Science God Q Alchemy
I still stand by my take that any aspiring novelist must be forced to not use similies or metaphors for a while. Then they'll know when they really need them.
Which is not as often as many seem to think
gellaho
Excessive doesn't begin to describe it
sensitive New Age jakesy
All this bad reading is poisoning my family. Look at what my wife ordered
Might have to chime in with a few RL Stines when the Steele runs low
GDC
He just can't help blurting them out like a poorly written antagonist blurts out homophobic slurs.
GDC
And I am absolutely down for an RL Stine readalong.
Dr. W. Sanguine, PhD PhD
i feel like i wanna do a book or sth that i actually like here sometime just to show a cool positivity?
a little reverse salt to season all the lovely anger we get to feel over :SteeleYourself: and pals
sensitive New Age jakesy
I don’t see why not
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
yo christopher pike
now there's a blast from the past
Dr. W. Sanguine, PhD PhD
maybe Lavender Jack or Sword Interval, maybe something by Jackson Bennett
gellaho
You guys can do whatever. I just need March 22 reserved for Psi-Man
