gellaho
They have to rent the city council from the crips?
8: Fugitive Steele J.D. Masters (Simon Hawke)
#7 Steele
Tags:
So Many Enemies. So Little Mercy.
Archive
sensitive New Age jakesy
Lol that owns
Old Man Brendan
This is not far from how it is in Hartford, so I concede.
gellaho
Thanks man
Old Man Brendan
...Suddenly Masters just got more woke than 2/3 of actual 21st Century America.
I am Aragon of Albuquerque
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Do you know I was just writing that and deleted it.
Old Man Brendan
Whence my parley with Ice-Bloq of Yon Crips?
sensitive New Age jakesy
There better be some robo-Ice in this book
gellaho
I'm sure this guy knows what's up
Old Man Brendan
Baggy white linen pajama things.
gellaho
So the Mexican-American is named Miguel and the Mexican national is named Tom
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Ah! How did you know.
Old Man Brendan
Great nysteel minds make cyberjokes alike
gellaho
Also, more fat
Old Man Brendan
I am your Stalker, you are my Steele.
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
this reads like JK Rowling's last book. Which fat person hurt you, Hawke?
not actually a Dr Mithritic
I'm gonna burst.
BAGGY WHITE LINEN PYJAMA THINGS
Oh god.
gellaho
WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING
sensitive New Age jakesy
The new author is Victor Milan and I’m guessing that has something to do with the sudden influx of Latino characters
Lol odd bird dance
Why
gellaho
Stop introducing characters
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
isn't Milan an Italian name?
MOTHERFUCKER DO YOU HAVE LIKE, A MAXIMUM SENTENCE BUDGET OR SOMETHING?!
not actually a Dr Mithritic
I can't cope. The sentences are...
Old Man Brendan
At least he preserved the all-important sandy crew cut details from Hawke.
gellaho
The volcanoes are unrelated to the nukes
So why though
Old Man Brendan
Is Jal...Jalisco?
sensitive New Age jakesy
His bio says he was born in Tulsa and died in ABQ so he’s American southwestern, which is very Latino
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Shitting on his own characters perception of his voice is inspired.
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
open the paragraph with the voice commentary
Old Man Brendan
Nobody expected this kind of ride. After the bio wars, we thought prose couldn't get any worse.
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
don't close with it
Old Man Brendan
Ferroday, just assume I'm using :point_up_2: on everything you write.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Good point, I read it in a voice crisp with the tones of command, then felt robbed.
gellaho
The parade of characters continues
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
DESCRIBE OBJECT BEFORE ACTION DUDE
gellaho
Wheeeeeeeeeee
sensitive New Age jakesy
She had probably not been unattractive at one point
Lol
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
another stroke victim of a sentence
not actually a Dr Mithritic
He was a small, sleek blinking blonde man in a beige suit. He bagged a bagel.
Old Man Brendan
Holy shit, I don't need that much Brand life.
This entire council dialogue comes from a 1950s film.
gellaho
Let's not stop now
Old Man Brendan
I think Masters wrote Fallout before there was Fallout.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
I want to kill the author.
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
I wonder if this was originally written in spanish and clumsily translated
gellaho
Fat, fat, fat
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
it kinda reads like it
Old Man Brendan
Don't stop there, man, tell me about his socks and whether he cuts sandwiches crosswise or diagonal.
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
how the fuck do we know he's a wimp?
sensitive New Age jakesy
Milan just told us, that’s how
not actually a Dr Mithritic
The author's weight thing needs investigation
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
like, all these useless descriptors that do nothing
Old Man Brendan
This is in Donelson's view, because Masters is preserving the obsession with strength.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Right, they add nothing and they come from nowhere
gellaho
Film commission? Fuckin what
Old Man Brendan
I'm gonna say it early: hats off to the absolute BONKERS ideas coming through here. Bigger imagination, but less action and way worse diction.
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
it's like if Axe Cop were written by a high schooler
sensitive New Age jakesy
The sentence structure is just really bad
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Why is he telling us this?
sensitive New Age jakesy
Run-ons, double negatives
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
comma splicing all over the fucking place
is the author so hypermasculine that he can't even stand the sight of a period?
gellaho
Oh, good. Five major factions
Old Man Brendan
Donelson should just deal with the Crips, obviously.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
What the fuck. He really need to justify this. How did the Jr. Crips seize all government buildings.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Three words
gellaho
Starts laughing like a maniac, sure
sensitive New Age jakesy
Mother
Fucking
not actually a Dr Mithritic
You can't just have Volcano:Crips seize government infrastructure
sensitive New Age jakesy
Borodini
I guarantee somehow Borodini is controlling the crips
Old Man Brendan
Roborodini
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Guys Borodini fucked his son. Remember that. Remember when an author though that would make sense. Wow.
We all read that, together.
Old Man Brendan
Listen, it's not child molestation if you do it because the boy reminds you of his mother.
I mean that's in the Bible.
gellaho
Mr. Skin!
gellaho
not actually a Dr Mithritic
I am going to quote you. Out of context.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Señor Piel
Old Man Brendan
Watch my comedic stock rise when I'm finally edgy.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
The leader of the Crips is my new hero.
Old Man Brendan
I am sorry to inform you that your Crip is actually a produce mascot.
gellaho
I wish someone would draw this dude
not actually a Dr Mithritic
He reminds me of tribore.
Old Man Brendan
He did too much work to paint Aragon as a soyboy.
gellaho
Sabrina didn't make it
not actually a Dr Mithritic
If he was going to kill her her could have...I mean what was all that?
Old Man Brendan
This crip leader is nosferatu, right?
gellaho
There is too much happening
Old Man Brendan
WE DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S HER MY GF COULD STILL BE OKAY
gellaho
And a volcano eruption
sensitive New Age jakesy
Wait the Crips run the university too
Bike Dancin' Greg
Haha what the shit is this book
Old Man Brendan
Dead hooker skinned and raped in the warehouse district and we're doing semantics
not actually a Dr Mithritic
And pay for it I guess?
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
this book is written with the subtlety and grace of a school shooting
gellaho
This is. I don't know
Old Man Brendan
Through a break between panels of the cloth hung like a curtain on the front of the table the Council sat behind
Bike Dancin' Greg
It says something for JD that we could follow along 100% when give about 20% of the text
Old Man Brendan
I wrote a whole comic based on people using run-on sentences and i stand before you an admitted rank amateur.
I miss Steele's terseness.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Mr Skin is my hero.
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
I'd be more impressed if I thought it was being done on purpose
gellaho
sensitive New Age jakesy
Yeah Steele barking out 6 word sentences would make this a lot better
Old Man Brendan
Mr. Skin is plainly our new Ice.
sensitive New Age jakesy
RIP
Prayers up for Ice
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
Ice died and all the quality went with him, apparently
not actually a Dr Mithritic
I was looking for a new user name
Hmm. Maybe Mr Skin, the Dandy.
gellaho
Motherfucker. These people rejected the federal government a couple of pages ago. What country are you talking about
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
"Certainly, the rights junkies have much to answer for" you wanna retry that sentence, hermano?
sensitive New Age jakesy
At least that part of Masters is still around, the part that forgets this is the apocalypse
Science God Q Alchemy
I miss anything good?
Old Man Brendan
Brand is the communist.
I mean...GOOD?
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Yeah, fuckin rights junkies!
There is a tumbleweed slave farm like a chapter ago. The Crips run city hall. Who has rights in this?
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
reading this book is like having a stroke in slow motion
Old Man Brendan
Interesting: the Crips run ABQ and are led by Nosferatu
Science God Q Alchemy
I was too busy at work and just got home
Old Man Brendan
Which is Spanish for Our Iron, to You
not actually a Dr Mithritic
This is so bad.
gellaho
I'm getting whiplash
Science God Q Alchemy
Any surprise out if nowhere incest or rape?
Old Man Brendan
Also a gigantic plastic Jesus lights up different colors at night when people bicycle to generate power. And a robot student has never seen a robot.
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
it's kind of impressive that this makes Masters live up to his name by comparison
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Worse, his grammar. I am not kidding.
Science God Q Alchemy
Well 50/50 shot either the books where going to get better or worse
gellaho
There somehow seem to be more people in Albequerque than there were in New York
Old Man Brendan
Well there are no chuds here so...
not actually a Dr Mithritic
The story of how Mr Skin took over the Alberquerque Crips is the real story.
gellaho
I'm starting to tune out proper nouns
Old Man Brendan
Is Steele even in this book?
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
wait
I'm so confused by that paragraph
Old Man Brendan
Steele vs. Satan LET'S GET IT ON
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
is someone speaking?
sensitive New Age jakesy
There have been one or two books in this series where Steele is basically just a background character
not actually a Dr Mithritic
So who is our hero?
Science God Q Alchemy
Ha, this idiot thinks these books are about Steele
In all seriousness steele gets surprisingly little page time in this novel series where he is the title character and ostensible protagonist
sensitive New Age jakesy
Like the one with the guy who was forced to eat pussy didn’t intro Steele until like page 120
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Oh shit I forgot about that.
nanomano
How was he forced?
Science God Q Alchemy
He had to eat pussy for his survival
not actually a Dr Mithritic
That's like kiss me someone is coming of the Steele universe.
Old Man Brendan
Mega-city 4 sucks.
gellaho
This word soup
Old Man Brendan
He wasn't forced, he was tipping his benefactrix.
Science God Q Alchemy
He was being hidden by a dancer and while they hid she was like "go down on me" I'd say it wasn't really forced. It was real fucking weird though
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Obviously male footsteps
sensitive New Age jakesy
It was like major terry or whatever and he was stuffed under the stripper desk to hide and while he was hiding she like grabbed his head and make him get to work
“Strongly suggested he pay her back” or something along those lines
gellaho
Hunk
Old Man Brendan
Unmistakably.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Yeah.
Old Man Brendan
It's not required but it is expected when a stripper saves your life.
Science God Q Alchemy
Only men can wear cowboy boots
sensitive New Age jakesy
I mean I don’t hate the move, feels like a fair trade
Science God Q Alchemy
I love how this story is making fun of the character like 2 seconds after introing him
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Sargeant Dirk Dagger was coming up and I feel commited to Mr Skin now.
Old Man Brendan
I've had two different strippers make out with me and I don't know why. Did...wait, was my life in danger?
Science God Q Alchemy
Like if he sucks that bad just write him out
Old Man Brendan
I just thought they were trying to get a bigger tip.
gellaho
Oh, is that how you do it
sensitive New Age jakesy
They were, just not the tip you were thinking of
Old Man Brendan
Women wear tire treads and rope sandals.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Just say Jilly desperately wanted to make jack off gestures. What is this.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Lol I need to know, how do you make the Jack off gestures!?
Old Man Brendan
Technically it's jilling-on when a lady, especially Jilly, does it.
Bike Dancin' Greg
You can just say- nope, @not actually a Dr Mithritic beat me to it
gellaho
Can you tell this guy is obsessed with the Japanese
I don't know that any parents are obsessed with their kids following in "government human resource engineering"
Science God Q Alchemy
They did actually, all cultures do. It's called "savage unrestrained violence"
Bike Dancin' Greg
He uses so many words to describe what's happening here instead of just quitting writing and learning a trade
not actually a Dr Mithritic
What's a human resource engineer for the government. Cos it sounds like Cybernetics
Science God Q Alchemy
"just hit the fuckers with it"
Old Man Brendan
Nobody dreams of their daughter becoming HR.
HR people hate HR more than anyone.
gellaho
Hmmm
not actually a Dr Mithritic
He found a gun but didn't know Gun Kata, so he put it back.
Science God Q Alchemy
Also how is cyberneticist a job in a world where only 25% of the population and 15% of the land survived.
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
why does this dude have like seven names
Science God Q Alchemy
Bad writing
sensitive New Age jakesy
You just get placed there eventually and one day start posting things like this in your cube
https://www.gocomics.com/cathy-commiserations/2020/04/27
Old Man Brendan
ACK
sensitive New Age jakesy
Then your HR transformation is complete
gellaho
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Or yours. FIRST.
Old Man Brendan
It's 2170 do people just drop 200-yo TV references?
Science God Q Alchemy
How is lost in space still a relevant reference?
sensitive New Age jakesy
Lost in Space as the first reference drop, who had that on their bingo card
Old Man Brendan
ARTICULACY
Fatamatician
I imagine the author is inserting his thoughts
gellaho
Hmmmmmmmm
Science God Q Alchemy
Was this written by a chimp?
Old Man Brendan
Maybe Lost in Space is one of the few tapes that survived for public entertainment
sensitive New Age jakesy
Is he trying to be ironic here?
I honestly can’t tell anymore
Science God Q Alchemy
Then the future really isn't worth living in
gellaho
Moisten them liiiips
Old Man Brendan
I'll give it this: no female characters have been introduced by which body part you'd masturbate to.
Science God Q Alchemy
Wait is steele just dead and these assholes need to revive him?
Old Man Brendan
Which is good considering there are only three female characters and one of them is in separate parts.
Oh God, what if it's 2270 now and Steele's been mummified for a century? It's the Donnie Matrix show now.
gellaho
What is happening
Old Man Brendan
Stockholmin' is my least favorite porn genre
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
I feel like gellaho is saying "what is happening" more than usual for a Steele book
sensitive New Age jakesy
Did he kill off Steele as a fuck you to Masters and is now reviving him to reboot the character?
not actually a Dr Mithritic
I'm have no idea if this is optimistic or foreboding.
Old Man Brendan
Our tour guide is lost, what hope have we?
I don't want to live in this version of the world I don't want to live in.
gellaho
I demand you stop
sensitive New Age jakesy
Ugh
Old Man Brendan
Is he adding a title with each appearance?
Is this the honoriffic singularity?
not actually a Dr Mithritic
I mean, the author is overestimating the point at which a mind has had enough of a given sentence. Ugh I do it.
gellaho
Ew
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
what the fuck
sensitive New Age jakesy
Lol
Science God Q Alchemy
"when my christ statue is activated it's like the feeling of cuming for me"
sensitive New Age jakesy
Literally everyone likes to cum, brother
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Ha. Genius in the middle of this rabble.
gellaho
This isn't necessary
Science God Q Alchemy
"I'm cumming at home, I'm cumming at the church, I'm coming all the time it's great"
sensitive New Age jakesy
I uhh. Think he’s saying it in the “bundles of sticks” way
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Does he mean kindling.
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
no
Science God Q Alchemy
Wait, christianity hasn't been around since time immemorial
Old Man Brendan
I would like to use this opportunity to promote the Savage copy rules regarding come/cum: https://www.thestranger.com/savage-love/2021/01/12/54646208/savage-love
gellaho
This is a lot of work to say fat again
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
this dude fat-shames like he's in the KKK of weight watchers
Old Man Brendan
Why are we redescribing the characters we already met?
not actually a Dr Mithritic
So you know they are fat.
gellaho
Ew again
Old Man Brendan
Did they get fatter?
Science God Q Alchemy
Padding I suspect
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Though pear shaped isn't that big of a deal
Old Man Brendan
How much are the crips charging them for food?
Old Man Brendan
Well padded but nicely shaped.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
warm and runny.
Science God Q Alchemy
I feel like the new guy wanted to write about the character steele as much hawke did
Old Man Brendan
When does Plastic jesus fight Godzilla?
Science God Q Alchemy
Why do the authors hired for this steadfastly refuse to write about the cyborg super badass who is our main character?
Bike Dancin' Greg
We could be in pirate Florida right now. Steele could be blasting pirates with lasers
gellaho
Ugh
sensitive New Age jakesy
He has The Taint
Science God Q Alchemy
Gross
Old Man Brendan
I don't understand. what's the jack-off gesture, is that like when your thumb and finger make a circle...?
not actually a Dr Mithritic
All these post apocalyptic rural folk, wandering around wanking off the air.
Oh that's the perfect reaction well done.
Old Man Brendan
Rosebud boobs aren't technically a sign of British writing, but it FEELS like they are.
Science God Q Alchemy
God this early script for mandy was off the rails
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
how far in are we? how long is this book?
not actually a Dr Mithritic
How is anything like unto something.
Science God Q Alchemy
Chapter 4 out of hopefully 6
But more likely 10 to 20
gellaho
More ew
not actually a Dr Mithritic
It's Ew but it's story Ew at least.
sensitive New Age jakesy
I mean the whole thing with church dudes banging kids definitely scans
Bike Dancin' Greg
The other books ditched Steele but replaced him with other dudes that were basically Steele
Or in Ice's case better
Science God Q Alchemy
We gotta make sure these villainous hillbillies also sexual objectify the science hottie.
Much like the writer of the previous books
Old Man Brendan
Yes, that is a normal chain of thoughts.
gellaho
Hoo boy
Old Man Brendan
She failed to analyze a robot in a week, and about that caboose.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Oh yeah I forget. That way we can slaughter them in the narrative
Science God Q Alchemy
The hero is permitted to be as brutally violent as possible when the villains have no humanity or redeeming qualities
Old Man Brendan
These people deserve this Psychopomp
sensitive New Age jakesy
I prescribe one Holy Trinity, which is what I call a three some