gellaho
I should be clear, the woman who is about to have a threesome with the fat cult leader is some redhead named Jolene
Jilly is 19, more good news
#7 Steele
I should be clear, the woman who is about to have a threesome with the fat cult leader is some redhead named Jolene
Jilly is 19, more good news
Goddamn it. I begged her not to take my man
God this writing is just, a plus. No notes, this is perfect
Jolene from the song.
This is a bold move
Jilly, just BUILD A KILLBOT
That is what the song is about if you think about it.
Yeah, doesn't end well
Where are we going with this book?
They threw her in a room with Alan Dershowitz
It’s quickly turning into the White Stripes version of Jolene
fuck if I know
Maybe we'll get lucky and it will become the Spring Heeled Jack version of Jolene
I was promised Steele, this is hostile.
I feel like the cheese metaphor is a little too goofy here
Lol
That last sentence owns
This book is so obsessed with her ass
Way too cheesy but Jesus
Can they hire a non pervert to write this series next?
How does she know about a biker gang from New York
so uh
Absolutely not
She ONLY got caned, right?
So far yes
But I worry what's coming next
whew
Yes. Because my brain asked the same question and came with, she seems ok?
She’s got two cheese wheels hanging out of her shorts though
Blue veins?
Hey, don't kiss the robot
Lol
She felt the presence of a human peener
Wait
I haven't typed the word "rape" this much since I had to write that story about therapeutic massage with grapes and rapeseed oil.
If Steele is mummified now, does that mean that
She really extrapolated the memory of a typewriter doohickey.
The mouth moved, it was trying to say something. It moved slowly but she could make out the words .
His ween is no longer human!?
"more tongue"
It was just terrible what happened at that parlor.
Is there a Las Vegas, NM?
"Call me...Daddy...Matrix..."
BEEP boop bip calculating erectile power levels
There is!
Editor missed that one
it was super confusing when I visited: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Las_Vegas,_New_Mexico
Uh oh
He gobbled.
This is one goofy rapist.
Try to say "ooh baby, c'mon" like a turkey
This is terrible, but I laughed at "my whole body's a lethal weapon"
...
Good news though, Steele woke up
Good of the main character to make a cameo in this book
Max is short for Matrix, it's the future's future and everything sucks.
Metal max is such a shit moniker. It has no excuse. Not even as a placeholder.
There isn't context for this
Brilliant.
Oh, huh
Why is the rumor a natural disaster instead of two lightweights frog-boiling?
Strong move.
Specifically 30 months ago. Two priests who were specifically gay, died in an accident. The rumours have not been about anything except steam mechanics in hot spring vents.
Reporters? University researchers? What
State welfare officials
From the government
Welfare department
Your tax dollars at work
This writing is incomprehensible
Although I finally figured out that the volcano eruption 2 years ago is what destroyed Steele's plane
So that's fun
does the lava not cool and if not, how are these people alive upon such earth?
Is this some avant-garde writing style
So project download is completely gone now
If this had the force of double all the nukes how is anyone alive
I fucking hate Steele 2099 + 300 I want off of this future.
Man this book fucking sucks
Lol what
Hunter just burned down all of Masters’ work
gotta kick things off with a second apocolypse
maybe this one will have consequences
So we all agree Masters rage quit and Hunter had a completely different script half in the hopper he barely tooled?
He loves talking about rumps and buttcheeks though
@Old Man Brendan
So we all agree Masters rage quit and Hunter had a completely different script half in the hopper he barely tooled?
100%
I think Hunter was making a jerk off motion. But not in the air
Now it's a Karate Kid porn parody.
Jokes on you, lady, all the bonsai are dead.
had to get a mention of her tits though, just 'cause
Noooooooooooioii
oh come the fuck on
He does
This is why I don't build volcanoes in the shower anymore.
how far is she from this lava?
So much for her all-important scarless flesh.
she should be a boiled flesh potato
writers have no sense of convection
The word jism is terrible
You'd think, but this fumarole actually exploded an hour ago, so very little output.
@Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
she should be a boiled flesh potato
I'm pretty sure this is the lady robot ninja
I didn't think the lady robot ninja would be white, but I guess that's my bad
Put the thesaurus away
Her nipples are brown, so it's possible she's one of the godless non-fats.
wait wait wait
Now we're in the future's future's future dreaming of the future's future as a past remembrance?
What a simile
The style here has braked hard and turned.
Looks like the bronco finally got tuckered out at the clause rodeo
These similes are great
I sometimes think professional writers should be forced to write without using a similie or metaphor for a while before they're allowed to write books. Then they might learn when and when not to use them
The voices sounded like what now.
You shouldn't directly call out the thing you're ripping off
The machine killed someone"oh not just a machine" what? Is he still covered in burned beef jerky skin? What the shit is this?
Did we just hang out with both of these idiots and find out every detail about them for them to die like parked teenagers in Zodiac country?
Berserkers are ALL soul.
Alright dude, this is cartoonish
Man I think finding the movie terminator would be the most depressing in a post apocalypse
At least his lips are moist?
bullshit K-mart operates in the post-apocalypse
These Coffins are cagey, but they made one mistake. They brought a plastic Jesus to a Terminator thunderdome
This guy writes like a man with a severe head injury
This is bold by the fat lady
Dennis Miller, pulp novelist
Lol lava tits over here
Soft iceberg in salmon dress.
Why do we care what she's wearing at this point?
It's like he's trying to win a bad writing contest
Why do so many writers seem to refuse to write simply?
And he did just beat that woman with an arm
someone else's arm
Maximus rex, just Kung Fu chopping bullets out of the air
why use ten words when one hundred will do?
Maybe he was paid by the word.
This prose isn't purple so much as ultraviolet.
You can put the flowery similies away and just say "she pulled out a gun and fired" like you don't need to overdo every goddamn sentence like this
This video game just got good again.
I swear to God this asshole uses a similie every other sentence and if he doesn't stop I'm gonna track him down and fuck his dad
I think hunk might be done for
hey guys I just came back and I want to make sure we all are still aware this dude said "Earth's Hot Jism"
The writer employs simile like a soft-boiled egg slowly tilting out of the oblong end of its shell, carefully onto cracked multigrain toast, just on the medium side of black, and which is then gladly smeared across the page/toast/wait I'm hungry.
If you wanted to turn him to your side maybe don't brutally slay his family.
I think he might be might be fucking with me now
Yeah the volcano came on her and she was all coy about it.
I will not be forgetting that any time soon
"The boy who would be hunk" makes me suspicious
Shot that robot right in its metal bones
Shooting the robot is a rookie move
gellaho's status is don't open your eyes, and I think we all failed to listen.
Get owned kid
Skip Hunksea: Survivor
Hope revenge of the nerds malboro man is going to be okay
Total chad move handing a kid his brother's own arm
In front of his crush, no less.
Why don't you just hang a sign on him that says UNFIT TO REPRODUCE
Fuck man, cuck cowboy over there can never show his face around her again
Steele's throwing ladies
Nice throw dickhead
The goal was to not get cut by razorwire
I like that he just threw her over the fence before ripping it open and walking through
THIS IS COYOTE COUNTRY ASSHOLE
total dick move
Steele is an asshole
Is Max a bad ass or all his enemies idiots
Fuck, this is incomprehensible
Max is just Steele without his human penis
What was his plan if she didn't have an innate knowledge of gymnastics
I feel like the old guy never went on long monologues likes this. The old guy felt much more right to the fucking and the shooting
Man, sick burn to whoever this was meant to be aimed at.
He did occassionally but he was less long winded
Between these two extremes is a writer with a borderline level of competence
this guy gets America while also wildly overstating America
Back to goofy nonsense
Steele's body lay fallow for eons until some dipshit kid aftermarket tricked him out like a used Civic
Steele shouts in laser words
Hell yeah Steele is back baby
Picture you don't know anything about anything.
I love how him being steele is presented like some kind of reveal
wait I was gone for a bit and just came back why is Steele talking in Caps lock
Because this guy is even more of a hack than the last guy
Bad writing
All you know is a young woman escaped the Plastic Jesus Slave Spank Cult thanks to a T-100 and then you find out the murderbot is named MR STEELE.
Imagine writing this in laser lights
For a couple of centuries huh
"Hello, my tautly fleshed friend, I am your robot savior. My name? Why, gladly! I am Mr. STEELE."
I mean the other dude is named Metal Max
They are the same guy
I am caught up and holy fuck, similes
wait hold on
Is Striker alive?
centuries? Fuck I need to go back and see what I missed
I thought it was 2 years?
Fuck no, Steele caved his head in with his metallic fists
it has been 2 years since a volcano exploded with the force of double all the nukes
You missed the hills have eyes written by a dickhead
I would laugh my nysteel off if Striker were out here Daken-ing around.
no seriously someone tell me why centuries have passed and Steele talks in lasers or at least tell me where to scroll up to
He died in the desert and turned to jerky. Now this is either steele or matrix repaired by Jilly the Spank Slave.
It is because of bad writing
Steele got owned by a volcano and found by a slave owned by cultists who also happened to be a scientist and a hot redhead
Also second apocalypse happened
Hot redhead is redundant, as is scientist redhead.
Or I guess third or fourth depending on how we're counting
All redheads are saucy science minxes in Steele's America.
We've changed perspective back to naked lava lady
As god intended
Steele got out of that nationwide manhunt by dying and fossilizing.
you stink of earth cum, woman
Contralto husky.
I was made to live dangerously
You've been with Vulcan again, HAVEN'T YOU? Tell me, I'll know.
I love when authors stop to describe their sexual fantasies.
I have forbidden you to die in lava, woman.
What is our page count here? X out of Y?
I'm only on page 73. I'm probably going to have to stop and continue this next week
It's so much
This guy actually talks like a hawke-Masters douche villain
holy shit
Yeah, this is a LOT to take on.
Looking forward to the concluding novel, though -- COLD STEELE 2: ICE AGE
There's that stupid name
Yeah if I read one more simile I'm going to snap like @Alpha Scientist Javo cataloging Chickweed horniness
this book has been exhausting
Greg's patience had reached the end of its rope, like a heavy weight at the end of a thin thread in front of a white curtain which was not attached to the cord in any way but which concealed a pervert making jackoff motions.
I like how the villains are just so impossibly villain. Talking like a 17th century
This is straight up a fuck you to JD Masters
I hit enter accidentally but fuck it finish that joke yourself
I mean, there's nothing to add after arsenic pancake dandy speech. We all know what's in there.
Moisten them liiiips
Die whore, you have had your last terran bukkake
...but her decade's effort!
I like how she is gonna get killed because she won't stop flicking her bean to lava
Jesus Christ. They got Steele's horniness
For some reason
i don't know a lot but I know she's going to beat five Nu-Steeles and then have cybersex with Real-Steele.
Gonna be honest, expected better landscaping from the lady than that
At least when JD wrote we were all "Fuck yeah! Masters sucks at writing! This is dumb. Woooooooo!" The writing here is just exhausting
You can't upload a human dick according to the (Lexington) Steele Hypothesis
I'm uncomfortable with how often he says "the black one"
She actually waxes with lava, so...
Hes trying entirely too hard to elevate the story and failing at both
Like this
Wouldn't she want to hit one of the ones LEAST distracted so she has an extra second before the horny one can switch gears?
RIP these dudes, killed by vagina trickery
Eels don't double really
Doubeel your troubeel
What
his maleness
@Liddy Overpower her with his maleness. remember that one.
"Also, though not fat, she still stunk like a polecat"
Liiiips
you can't distract someone with a kiss in the MIDDLE of the ass-kicking
Is this her catchphrase
"Haha, you gayborgs were kissing a non-binary cyber-assassin!" --Steve from your high school
So I guess not a cyborg, but a genetically engineered lady ninja
whose entire repertoire appears to be "all my enemies are horny and dumb"
Her terror is not at being potentially killed but at being spurned by the Viscount of Las cruces.
Why did any of this happen
Killing people this dumb is not impressive
Did his powdered wig fall off when Dr. James laughed?
I am choosing to envision Dr James like this
This is the protagonist who was originally going to save Jilly, before dude got an offer if he could turn in a completed manuscript in two weeks.
I bet so
Actually I wonder is this villain was a creation of the rights holders and he has to wedge her in there
Steele figured out how to turn off caps lock
Oh man did he lose his human dick
He did, the last vestige of his humanity gone
Who is he now?
Another fuck you to JD
How can he moisten his lips if he...no, it's too terrible to ponder.
my god, that is how he will beat the vagina ninja. He can no longer be distracted by vulvular charms
He is the only man who can now
He's writing all this on a wall
It might have been eaten by a coyote
big fucking wall
Point of order: Steele shuts down pain.
Donovan Steele: Coyote ate my dick
What a poetic little detail.
Cute li'l fox tossing back the last bite o'steele and then scampering away.
I don't know what she thinks the military is going to do to her that the cult wasn't going to
just so we are clear its now canon that a coyote ate his human penis
I know it's a low bar, but Megaman Zero did this storyline way better
Megaman Zero was about a coyote eating penis?
that message was sent like 5 minutes ago, my internet crapped out at the worst time lol
Back to the character parade
exceptional dickweed
Megaman also experiences bleedthrough from the robots he cannibalizes.