62: Time Blender Michael Dorn (with Hillary Hemmingway and Jeffrey P. Lindsay)

gellaho

An excellent question

FlippantSausage

He's so fucking angry about these goddam future hippy chairs.

LyraV 42Dukes

I can't wait for Osiris to return with Pirate. Then it's all going to come together.

FancyShark

I can think of a good reason

gellaho

I remember his friend's abandoned son

FancyShark

At least someone does

FlippantSausage

Also I know he wasn't paying attention enough to know the universe is going to end with any certainty. He's just being grouchy.

"Goddam future kids and their ergonomic blobs and psychic communion with nature."

gellaho

Frank's famous catchphrase

FancyShark

It took him days of practice to nail that line

Yes, I know he's a character in a book

FlippantSausage

Oh he's pissed about THAT, the fact that they didnt just rip his will from his living brain like the other guys did to his friend.

gellaho

I mean, I don't know if Cook got more than a couple of hours. He died weeks ago

FancyShark

Don't play coy with armageddon

gellaho

We are running out of words

Shark Puke Fetishist GDC

He's having this conversation while a bean bag is giving him a rimjob.

FancyShark

What about pages?

FlippantSausage

He's really overlooking the fact that if they were the Bad Guys all theyd have to to is kill him and problem solved.

FancyShark

Unless they're idiots

gellaho

So much imagination on display

FlippantSausage

I think HED think they were idiots, but I imagine it hasnt crossed their minds to kill him.

gellaho

Fuck you

FancyShark

lol, what

gellaho

I side with the GECO

FlippantSausage

Lmao

You fuckin wot?

Shark Puke Fetishist GDC

Isn't GECO an acronym from Fallout?

FancyShark

GECK, but yeah

FlippantSausage

Naw its that insurance company.

LyraV 42Dukes

Now we must time-space shake on it.

gellaho

What, do you give space-time a foot massage and it opens up for you?

FlippantSausage

fucking........NO IT DOESNT!

Thats not how energy works, fuck you!

FancyShark

"It's less time-rape and more time-molestation"

LyraV 42Dukes

A hot ejection of time energy if you will.

gellaho

Sure, get that in there

Brendanonymous

The premise of this book is "What if we didn't want the Federation to help our planet?"

Shark Puke Fetishist GDC

"we drug space time before we penetrate it. We're the good guys"

FancyShark

You know, one good shark invasion could solve all of this

FlippantSausage

"Bitch, we do free love here, Mara smooches who Mara wants."

LyraV 42Dukes

Good on you @Brendanonymous I have no fucking idea what this books premise is and I've been taking notes.

Brendanonymous

It is many books!

FlippantSausage

It is the Ur-Book.

gellaho

Maybe not the time to realize how much you enjoy teaching, bud

Brendanonymous

He could have saga serialized it into a seven-book series that gets crazier and crazier.

FlippantSausage

But from the back end.

FancyShark

If you loved children, Tony, why didn't you kill Saddam?

gellaho

Not the time for this either, Miller

FlippantSausage

Youd have a much easier time teaching kids if time and space collapse into a nugget of psychically active matter and all life becomes one.

FancyShark

Miller's having every mid-life crisis, right at the worst moment

FlippantSausage

And technically youd be married to literally everyone.

gellaho

You live long enough, you find yourself as the deadbeat dad

FlippantSausage

Jeez and just a few hours ago you were fantasizing about railing Mara.

FancyShark

Someone please shove him into the Void and end this already

Jazz Ramb$ne Gracie

that would be invasive

gellaho

"Well, all it showed me were reasons why I should fix time and go back to the present"

gellaho

So, maybe that plan backfired on you

FancyShark

"Wait. Does this mean that civilization wasn't discovered by me?"

"Goddammit, this really isn't working."

FlippantSausage

Miller is bound to fuck it up tho, so maybe time gets pureed.

gellaho

Tai Chi makes a several hundred pages return

gellaho

FancyShark

And he shits himself

gellaho

All of a sudden, he's deciding what time to return to

gellaho

Not to be a dick, not a great reason to not unfuck time

FlippantSausage

Look, its 2022 so nuclear winter hits differently. More appealing if you are staring down the barrel of several consecutive months of 100 degree heat with no AC.

Miller, you already blew up a bunch of kids, just think of it as a VERY sophisticated abortion.

FancyShark

Sure, leave Cook in the dirt

FlippantSausage

You cant regret the kids you erased from the time stream. Literally in fact.

gellaho

I feel like preventing the discovery of the Artifact will definitely stop your daughter from existing

gellaho

gellaho

Considering that's the entire reason she exists

FlippantSausage

Lookin at Mara like a dog seeing if a treat is for eating.

FancyShark

Sorry, dead Iraqi children. You weren't sci-fi enough

LyraV 42Dukes

This is a man incapable of thinking things through.

gellaho

Well, let's see how this goes

gellaho

PSYCHE!

FlippantSausage

Fixes time and space just in time to not prevent the water wars of 2030.

FancyShark

hahahahahaha

Fuck

You

Dorn

Supernaught

BOOK ONE?!

FlippantSausage

"PRESERVE! DEFEND!"

"What the fuck does that mean?!"

FancyShark

BOOK ONE!

LyraV 42Dukes

THE FUCK?

gellaho

I hope you enjoyed Time Blender, there is no Book Two

FancyShark

🤣

FlippantSausage

Hahahah its a trilogy at least!

MISTER DORN DEMANDS A TRILOGY!

Supernaught

Get fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucked!

FancyShark

The absolute gall of this writing team!

gellaho

We have defeated TIME BLENDER

FancyShark

We did it!

You all rule!

Thank you for doing this, @gellaho !

Shark Puke Fetishist GDC

That was an experience. Thanks everyone.

LyraV 42Dukes

bwahahaha I love it!

FlippantSausage

Lmao I love that this didnt end the saga and The TIME BLENDER is still blending.

FancyShark

That was the most riffable book we've ever done

Mike the Tsul'Kalu

i just caught the end

i was very confused

Shark Puke Fetishist GDC

The series was abandoned like worf's son

gellaho

So concludes the 60th Edition of The Book Cage

Supernaught

A perfect cap to Anime Week. Thank you so much 😊

LyraV 42Dukes

Seriously thank you everyone, that was sick as fuck

gellaho

May all your time be unblended

FlippantSausage

Just means we havent discovered the hidden code to go on our very own Time Adventure!

FancyShark

Now get some rest, Gellaho

There's a meat party tomorrow

FlippantSausage

Feel better, Gellaho!

LyraV 42Dukes

@gellaho You're an absolute gem, this book was amazing, get some rest and feel better!

gellaho

If only there were some clue

FlippantSausage

🤣 I FORGOT IT HAD A HEMINGWAY!

FancyShark

hahaha, god that was great

FlippantSausage

Makes it almost classic lit.

FancyShark

Have a great night, everyone!

FlippantSausage

😁 Have fun yall, I have unfun shit to do.

Brendanonymous

It's always book one with sci-fi novels.

Monkey-Dunk Mo

I tuned out as usual but also as usual

gellahowns

hella gowns?

no

shit

sorry

that's nothing

Brendanonymous

TIME'S ICEBERG: Libris I of The Cosmic Ovulation Series Phase II: Space Dzek Rising

Thanks for being our guide, @gellaho -- I feel much less blended than I might have

Relax the back, cultivate Javo

So, here is what I find extra crazy

When I was a kid, there was this PC game that a Myst clone that had a very similar plot to this book

Monkey-Dunk Mo

Pyst?

Relax the back, cultivate Javo

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timelapse_(video_game)