gellaho
The ancient makeout ritual
62: Time Blender Michael Dorn (with Hillary Hemmingway and Jeffrey P. Lindsay)
Tags:
Samurai warriors battle Egyptian gods on the Island of No-Return!
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A Wombat
I'm not saying that referring to yourself in the third person with all your titles will give you a PhD.
FancyShark
The necklace is filled with grenades
A Wombat
I'm just saying I don't think we can rule out that's why it happens in the Dornverse.
FlippantSausage
Wow she made that in three or four day........oh that was for someone else originally.....
Brendanonymous
The Orville, to its credit, drops so much 20/21st c. pop culture they call out its richness and then make a random 23rd c. reference to "Zorgo the jazz-o-sax player."
A Wombat
Because honestly, this schmuck?
He bought that PhD.
With daddy's money.
FancyShark
He's tenured!
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
This necklace is a big departure from this tribes usual dick-based jewellry
gellaho
"Peace out, bitches"
A Wombat
Is there a reason he didn't take her with him? Besides the obvious?
Like, he killed her husband and then claimed her in a way that no one else will want to have her because she belongs to God.
FancyShark
She had sex with him. Her purpose is complete.
A Wombat
Her life is probably going to suck from this point on.
LyraV 42Dukes
Yeah but then he'd have to like...talk to her and learn about her and stuff.
FlippantSausage
Miller thought " Miller Time continues unabated, its for everyone."
A Wombat
You're right, that's ridiculous.
gellaho
You know, lemon pudding crust. We're all familiar with that
Brendanonymous
Maybe in their society she's now a holy relic and all the men will line up until her blessed vagina knows its deserved holy pleasure.
A Wombat
I'm not sure that's not worse, but sure.
Brendanonymous
Hi, I'm Ice Honey Love, anime artist. Draw the above with your kids using circles and tubes.
FancyShark
Yeah, I've tried that line
A Wombat
So... where's Dorn from?
FancyShark
Murica
FlippantSausage
Dornopolis, circa 3040
gellaho
Miller steadfastly refuses to acknowledge his reality
A Wombat
Right. Is... is lemon pudding served with a hard crust in some part of this country I'm not aware of?
FancyShark
The analogies in this book are amazing
Brendanonymous
He got langoliered!
A Wombat
OH NO.
HIS BOOK IS BEING INVADED BY A MUCH BETTER AUTHOR'S BOOK.
FancyShark
YES!
THE TSUNAMI WAS WAITING FOR HIM!
FlippantSausage
"FREE TRIP TO TAHITI! MILLER TIME BITCHESSSSS!"
gellaho
This exact same thing happened before, but Miller is befuddled
FancyShark
"Huh. Weather."
LyraV 42Dukes
I enjoy that he shouted 'Home free!' after time freezing and the ominous radio message.
FlippantSausage
"There's no possible logical way this could happen twice. So it's obviously not happening."
gellaho
Tsunami: The Revenge
A Wombat
I would have thought short term memory a vital quality in someone flying a plane.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Did the author that wrote this part read the previous storm scene?
FancyShark
YEEEEESSSSSSS
FlippantSausage
Listening skills too.
A Wombat
Hang on.
Guys, I have it.
We've been wrong all this time.
The storm is the hero.
gellaho
Quite the gamble
FancyShark
Megalodons, I implore you: go for the buzzing thing just above the water!
gellaho
"CRA-ACK!" Went the big guns of the storm
FlippantSausage
I dont think "Fly real low" is the best idea for dealing with bad weather but then again, I'm not a qualified pilot.
A Wombat
Jump, sharks!
Brendanonymous
I just got here, and all I know about Miller is he murdered the only other outsider, seduced a woman, then abandoned her, taking with him the device keeping their culture alive. From this point in the story he is the villain.
A Wombat
Jump like you never jumped before!
FancyShark
You're caught up then
gellaho
Seems legit
FlippantSausage
Enjoy Neptunes cold embrace, Miller!
FancyShark
Tsunami's excited because it was hoping to see Cook again
FlippantSausage
In before he freezes time and walks to Tahiti.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
'bellowed' was an odd choice of word here
gellaho
What luck
A Wombat
I think it works.
Other dumb animals bellow.
FlippantSausage
It's more manly than "screamed girlishly"
FancyShark
The vehicles are lined up to watch him crash
A Wombat
Awww, the thief, murderer and seducer is going to make it.
Our hero, boys and girls.
gellaho
It did. The Artifact. And it was.
A Wombat
Ow.
If it was that heavy, I would think he'd have secured it better.
gellaho
For the people who missed last time, the first thing Yuki did upon meeting Miller was try to fuck him in Pirate's house
A Wombat
On his tiny plane.
A Wombat
Oh good.
FlippantSausage
To be fair I think it could probably increase it's weight as it likes.
A Wombat
I withdraw the charge.
FlippantSausage
That artifact is trying to fuck him up.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Should have got some bungee cords at the gas station he topped his plane off at
gellaho
They were also horrifically sacrificing people to the artifact, so they're probably better off without it
FancyShark
The Idiot and The Doomsday Device, this Fall on CBS
Brendanonymous
Klingons only have one means of expression. This character has Dornlungs.
A Wombat
I mean, I guess.
FlippantSausage
Hey a communal liquification is what brings a village together!
gellaho
Peace out, bitches
FancyShark
Boom-Crunch is a great cereal. Actually better than Lucky Charms
Brendanonymous
The artifact is God's clitoris, and it is wrathful at Dorn's neglect.
A Wombat
On the other hand, I'm pretty sure that now the artifact is in his hands, we're all much worse off.
So swings and roundabouts.
gellaho
This better be good, Dorn-Hemingway-Lindsay
FancyShark
"Surprise! Happy Birthday!"
A Wombat
A unicorn.
If it's not at least a unicorn, I will be disappointed.
FlippantSausage
Miller Time. Miller Time is what occurred.
FancyShark
A creature wearing the faces of all the dead Arab children he killed appears and gives him a kiss
A Wombat
That is the level of amazement I expect from you now, Dorn.
gellaho
Oh, reality flickered at the end of this. Not the half-dozen times it hit the ground before that
A Wombat
This would beat a unicorn.
gellaho
Everything that happened before reality flickering was perfectly reasonable
FancyShark
Idea: the thing the writers never had, yet also had too many of
A Wombat
Nope. The artifact doing what we were told it can and would do is not unicorn level.
FlippantSausage
It sounds like the authors were trying to convey "time is resetting" but got confused by a passing child with a ball and did "bouncing" instead.
LyraV 42Dukes
He saw all that from the pilots seat with his head turned through a hole in the back of his plane. Good eyes.
gellaho
Maybe the lightning hitting the Artifact going to fix this
FancyShark
FUCKER!
I mean
FLICKER!
gellaho
Oh, wait. Thirty lightning hits makes it worse
A Wombat
Okay, naked blue people.
I guess that counts.
FancyShark
He did see some Avatar Seanbabys though
FlippantSausage
Naked blue people might have been okay, he can liquify a few of them and fuck the rest.
gellaho
Ahuh
FancyShark
maaaaaan
gellaho
I bet Vaseline paid a lot for this
A Wombat
So, how many drugs was Dorn on?
Brendanonymous
That's just a Yondu. What you describe is a planet of Yonsdu.
A Wombat
Let's take bets.
FancyShark
I want that story more than this one
A Wombat
I knew I wouldn't have to correct your grammar.
Yonsdu is the plural of Yondu.
FancyShark
Yes
LyraV 42Dukes
Because nothing bursts with flavor like dirt.
gellaho
Ah, but the runway is still there. Convenient
FlippantSausage
Got them rich flavor crystals.
A Wombat
Maybe he's developed pica.
And synaesthesia.
FlippantSausage
I keep thinking his plane is fucked, didnt part of it get exploded by lightning?
gellaho
Now time travel? Don't be ridiculous
FancyShark
That's right. Fly right at a group of innocent people in your plane, Miller. Nothing you've done in the past should make you hesitate to do that.
A Wombat
No, that was before the magic.
gellaho
Clearly
FlippantSausage
Well no matter, he's in the future now, hes going to have to fuck a morlock to get out of this jam.
A Wombat
At least two morlocks.
FancyShark
"It doesn't have to be a morlock-"
"Nope. Them's the rules."
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
He also needs to convince some morlocks he's a god
A Wombat
Also, he caused this by tampering with the desert island murder people.
They now rule the universe.
And sacrifice people to Ku.
FancyShark
Airports: They show the future
A Wombat
Still.
Brendanonymous
YOU MANIACS YOU GREW IT UP
A Wombat
He made everything worse for everyone!
Our hero, ladies and gentlemen!
gellaho
It didn't survive multiple falls from great height and multiple lighting strikes? They don't make future space artifacts like they used to
Brendanonymous
Every time I take a return flight I'm going to step off and think, "Clearly he was in the future."
FlippantSausage
Pfffffffft in my day mysterious space artifacts from the future could take a beating, these ones are basically made of sandalwood.
FancyShark
Oh darn. Intergalactic war thing broke.
FlippantSausage
cheap Chinese made space artifact knockoffs.
A Wombat
Well, I knew he was going to fuck this up.
FlippantSausage
Fairs fair, they are likea third of the price of the genuine article.
A Wombat
But not in this exact way.
gellaho
Maybe my seamaps will reveal the clues the crazy future man left
FancyShark
I have to leave for a bit to feed a friend's cats. I hope you're all still sane when I get back.
A Wombat
Never was!
Hahaha
sobbing
gellaho
Suddenly, the hunter
FlippantSausage
Someplace "odd people could do their business without attracting attention"............so hes going to Portland?
CENTAUR! CENTAUR!
CMON CENTAUR!
Brendanonymous
What year is this book? The state of infrastructure, he might have just been gone a week.
gellaho
Miller tries to get out of saving this woman
FancyShark
1997
Brendanonymous
gasp
our TREKKIEST YEAR
FlippantSausage
Miller if you hear screams at fraternity parties that does not mean the screaming is not a bad sign.
Miller, I know its 1997 and all but we knew what screams meant back then.
gellaho
Come on, man, act casual around the screaming woman. Gotta be cool
A Wombat
I don't know
His track record with saving things and people isn't great.
Brendanonymous
I can appreciate he's thinking logically.
It will kill him.
A Wombat
This woman may end up struck by lightning fifty times.
And then explode.
FlippantSausage
He should have left logic in Yukis vag where it belongs, hes in Time War territory now.
gellaho
Check the redhead box
FlippantSausage
Shits going down and theres no time for logic!
Sweet! Future Celts!
And a redhead!
A Wombat
There are all sorts of reasons for people to be painted blue.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
The collective noun for a group of men is a clot, apparently
Brendanonymous
Why even try to get home?
FlippantSausage
Could be football fans.
A Wombat
They could be football fans.
gellaho
This is what you call a real Time Blender
A Wombat
Oh.
FlippantSausage
Fuck yeah this book got awesome!
Time Samurai!
A Wombat
He's on the Deadliest Warrior set.
Okay.
Brendanonymous
The Artifact only cultivates warriors from time.
A Wombat
Next, vikings.
Brendanonymous
It's building a time army
A Wombat
Vs ninjas.
FlippantSausage
TIME VIKINGS!
Brendanonymous
Yeah, Vikings or Spartans
gellaho
"Hey, she's your problem now"
A Wombat
Celts in blue warpaint.
FlippantSausage
Theres worse problems to have than a sexy redheaded Celtic lady.
LyraV 42Dukes
Does she get clothes this time?
A Wombat
Well known for speaking Latin.
Famous for it.
Brendanonymous
Luxe redhead is the best housewarming gift.
A Wombat
No.
She's just going to be naked.
You know the drill.
FlippantSausage
Maybe a torc and a smile.
gellaho
Apparently, Miller decides that one of the samurai is "The Samurai"
gellaho
She's got a robe. Better than the paint the decapitated dude was rocking
Brendanonymous
Oh shit, that means he owns the redhead now.
FlippantSausage
I call bullshit, this samurai is INAUTHENTIC Mr. Dorn! He would have used a bow or a spear from horseback!
A Wombat
That is how redhead ownership is transferred.
Brendanonymous
She was held in trust until the Celt turned 18 (kills)
A Wombat
We all know that.
LyraV 42Dukes
Until we get the knives out.
gellaho
Apparently Miller is flying Wonder Woman's invisible jet
A Wombat
In fairness, there's no reason why they would want to get involved with Miller.
gellaho
Samurai fucking love Hulk Hogan mustaches
FlippantSausage
Samurai are notoriously unappreciative of sexy redheads.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
He hung the moustache from the saddle?
A Wombat
Maybe cultural osmosis has turned the samurai into head hunters.
And the Celts now recite poetry.
FlippantSausage
Nah you gotta bring the taisho the heads of the warriors you kill so you can properly be rewarded.
gellaho
Time for revenge magic
FlippantSausage
Its like pokemon.
But for decapitation.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
the ones with moustaches count double
gellaho
Revenge magic is ineffective
A Wombat
Okay, so now it's a fantasy story.
FlippantSausage
You want a head with a nice stache or a good beard for extra grabby handles.
A Wombat
... So, uh.
This is still Tahiti right?
So far as we know?
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Future Tahiti, with celts and samurai
FlippantSausage
Yeah some Pacific island at least.
Famous haunts of Celts and samurai.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
all we know about the samurai is that they prize moustached heads
A Wombat
Tahiti isn't exactly a big place. Where are all these warring iron age tribes living?
gellaho
The future Tahitian redheaded celtic witch is taking the random appearance of a black archeologist well
A Wombat
Also not readily available on Tahiti? Iron.
LyraV 42Dukes
We all know he manifests gasoline when he needs it so there's no worry there.
A Wombat
Metal in general, really.
I smell shenanigans.
gellaho
Hold up, are you trying to tell me something about this doesn't make sense?
Hmmmmmmm, I don't know
FlippantSausage
It is the future so they've probably repurposed stuff?
A Wombat
Look it's just a minor point.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
It all seemed so plausible up until now
A Wombat
I'm sure he'll put it all back together.
FlippantSausage
Im pretty sure when the artifact broke so did like all of time and space.
gellaho
I'm sure the burning gasoline would have barely affected him, sure
FlippantSausage
Its Civ 5 rules now.
gellaho
Like some kind of Time Blender
Brendanonymous
This woman is the Horse Whisperer of Curses
A Wombat
Can you kill someone with a flare gun?
Like, for real?
gellaho
If they're covered in gasoline
Brendanonymous
Ended the third dimension, scored a hot redhead, net positive day.
FlippantSausage
You can kill someone with just about anything if you apply it enthusiastically.
Brendanonymous
I once killed a man with kindness.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
He knows it's hot enough to burn fuel, he singed his dick with it
gellaho
Or if they roll around in gasoline
FlippantSausage
I tend to prefer hammers, but everyone has their own preferences.
A Wombat
It's not the first time it's come up to me, so I was curious.
gellaho
"WHY ISN'T STOP, DROP, AND ROLL WORKING!!!!!"
LyraV 42Dukes
Remember folks, Miller is no murderer.
FlippantSausage
"SHIGERU IS ON FIRE? HE SCREAMED? SHAMEFUL DISPLAY!"
Please read that in the voice of the Shogun 2 voice over fella.
gellaho
"Oh, my skull"
A Wombat
Yes, that's the appropriate response.
FlippantSausage
She is trying to figure out if hes a sorcerer or a total fuckwit.
gellaho
Green, like the color cats are
A Wombat
If there's one thing we've learned from books, he can be both.
FlippantSausage
"And smacked her palm into the goose egg."
LyraV 42Dukes
Still not like...speaking though.
gellaho
The way she kept running unarmed at Samurai signaled intelligence
Brendanonymous
My cat has yellow-green eyes, which I guess is the hazel of cats
gellaho
She comes from Druidia
FlippantSausage
IS beautiful but SEEMS intelligent.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Funny, she doesn't look Druish.
LyraV 42Dukes
Making a lot of assumptions here Miller.
FlippantSausage
Wow deep Celtic cut there with Mara.
Brendanonymous
Eolas died so that Miller could fuck so that Mara could climax
gellaho
Tony Miller: able to easily identify a torc, unable to recognize the sound of bagpipes
gellaho
FlippantSausage
The ghost writers would have had an aneurism trying to figure out how to spell Niamh or something correctly.
Brendanonymous
Claymoor vs. katana
gellaho
Well, I guess the bagpipes won the day.
FlippantSausage
Good for her talking down to this obvious idiot.
I like her already.
gellaho
Yeah, that's certainly the weirdest thing that's happened
A Wombat
Mara. I give him a C.
Brendanonymous
Oh shit, we found a reverse Hodor.
OPEN THE DOOOOOOOR
FlippantSausage
A Rodoh if you will.
Brendanonymous
Oppidaaaaaaaa
Missed my connection to Tahiti, had a lovely time in Sciretland
gellaho
Samurai hate herbs
