Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Being distracted from mortal danger by tits is a running theme here.
62: Time Blender Michael Dorn (with Hillary Hemmingway and Jeffrey P. Lindsay)
Tags:
Samurai warriors battle Egyptian gods on the Island of No-Return!
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FancyShark
I'd certainly rather think about tits than dying
gellaho
Miller doubts the authenticity of a warding amulet, despite everything
FlippantSausage
Fuck you Miller, she has done ACTUAL MAGIC to YOU!
FancyShark
It's some of Adam West's shark repellant
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
After anime week I don't like 'young' used as a description of a sex object
gellaho
She's very excited to meet this shark
gellaho
FlippantSausage
Off theme for Egyptian shit, but sharks ARE cooler.
LyraV 42Dukes
It's monocle glistening in the light.
FancyShark
Yeah. Smart and sexy ladies are always eager to meet sharks, according to the ads I get
FlippantSausage
She's gonna end up riding that fucker.
gellaho
Seems legit
gellaho
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Don't tell the samurai about the sharks moustache, they'll try to decapitate it.
FancyShark
oh man, one of my ancestors fucked an orca?
FlippantSausage
NEW FRIEND GET!
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Mara rolled a natural 20 on Soothe Beast
gellaho
Someone let the dolphins mate with the sharks
FancyShark
HOW DID YOU FIND THAT FOLDER, DORN?!
I mean, uh...
That's weird
FlippantSausage
It was just going to happen, the feud between shark and dolphin would have to produce a pair of star crossed lovers at some point.
gellaho
I'm pretty sure something that large can't do that trick
FancyShark
Romeo and CHOMPCHOMP is one of my favorite plays
FlippantSausage
And the guards were watching the whole fucking time.
gellaho
Thanks for explaining, Miller
FlippantSausage
Cos like.........the fuck do you do when your guard whale decides it has a new best friend?
FancyShark
They didn't attack because they didn't want to get caught in the blood spray, Miller!
FlippantSausage
God......Miller you dipshit, they KNOW SHES THE MONSTERS NEW BUDDY!
gellaho
So, did Osiris get lost or what
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
I love how Miller assumed they were getting out of his way and not mara's
FlippantSausage
It doesnt HAVE to be divinity, it can just be fear of pissing off the critter with gnashing teeth.
FancyShark
OSIRIS WILL HAVE VENGEANCE ONCE THIS DOOR HANDLE COOPERATES!
dammit, do you have to push or...?
FlippantSausage
And so.........does the 1997 anthropology professor or the bronze age witch know how to drive a submarine?
FancyShark
Well, he flew in Desert Storm
So, no
FlippantSausage
Fuck it tho, give the wheel to Mara, shes already doing great.
gellaho
Probably should have expected that
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Miller starts up the sub and immediately obliterates a group of kids.
FlippantSausage
She is entirely correct to treat Miller like he's a baby.
FancyShark
I hope this hellish future is all because he never informed Cook's son about his father's death
FancyShark
"WHERE WERE THEY KEEPING THEM?!"
gellaho
Squidsub, sure
FlippantSausage
Sweet.
In the hands of a competent writer some of this book would be amazing.
FancyShark
Now it's 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea
FlippantSausage
I'm very pro squid sub.
gellaho
I feel like if the chair is breaking, you'd have much bigger problems before then
FlippantSausage
It reminds me of Dreadfleet and its little mini what is literally a steel squid ship.
LyraV 42Dukes
Osiris, well known for his fleet of submarines.
FancyShark
For exploring the oceans of...Egypt
FlippantSausage
I like how Mara has picked up more English than Miller has......lets say Gaelic or whatever.
gellaho
And I am a moron
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Mara is speaking English, she just had a really thick Scottish accent.
FancyShark
It's a Fisher-Price driving wheel. The actual controls are over by Mara
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Mara is doing the thing where you give your younger sibling the second controller while playing a single player game
gellaho
Sure, why not
FlippantSausage
This is her book now.
Fuck yeah, flying submarine!
FancyShark
But they're underwater...
FlippantSausage
NOW FLYING SQUIDMARINE!
FancyShark
Miller, did you kill us?
Wait, I think I've got it
This is one of Brockway's CYADFAs
gellaho
How much experimentation do you need to find the non-lethal speed?
FancyShark
He ran over so many dolphins before he found cruising speed
Or eagles, the dolphins of the sky
gellaho
Miller confident that he knows where he is
FlippantSausage
Miller, you have to pilot a hoversub like you live the rest of your life, full throttle and break the handle the fuck off.
FancyShark
Sure, California or Mexico. They're right next to Tahiti
FlippantSausage
And Northern Europe.
All in approximately the same area.
LyraV 42Dukes
Miller did it as he did all things, effortlessly, perfectly and without any thought or reason.
FlippantSausage
And moistly.
FancyShark
And without Cook
gellaho
How big could the west coast of the Americas be?
FancyShark
Safely covered the Pacific Ocean but still had enough time to notice the Golden Gate Bridge was missing before plowing into a mountain
gellaho
Back for seconds
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Everything he's seen definitely indicates normal earth geography
FlippantSausage
I'm glad he's figured out where he's going because I forgot that he had someplace to be.
Jazz Ramb$ne Gracie
joke's on him he overshot it and landed in the Sacramento Delta
crashed his sub in a rice paddy
FlippantSausage
One, Mara fucks who Mara likes. Two, it ain't you Miller.
FancyShark
"He'd become used to her face"
Dorn, you hopeless romantic
FlippantSausage
Yet.
gellaho
What!? A ship in the Time Blender? Impossible!
FlippantSausage
My dude when you wanna end a relationship with a woman on a submarine, all you have to do is push.
FancyShark
Time Pirates!
Brendanonymous
What happened after stabbing?
FancyShark
Apparently Egypt?
gellaho
That's what you should do when encountering a whaling ship. Dive.
FlippantSausage
He was confounded by the trickery of Osiris!
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
They stole a submarine from an Egyptian god
LyraV 42Dukes
They successfully escaped Osiris and his fleet of air subs.
FancyShark
They stole the Nautilus and befriended an orca/shark hybrid
FlippantSausage
Mara continues to be rad.
gellaho
What? A harpoon? Who could have foreseen!
FancyShark
Oh shit, Liddy's after them!
FlippantSausage
Man we need to send Liddy some kind of gift basket or edible arrangement after this week.
FancyShark
I think she's going to get so much revenge on Brockway at some point
gellaho
The water stopped after they reached the surface? Weird
FancyShark
Sounds like witchcraft
FlippantSausage
Its almost like they were in some kind of.....UNDERWATER BOAT!?
Brendanonymous
They got a sub!?
FancyShark
Fuck yeah they did!
FlippantSausage
From Osiris!
FancyShark
And it turns into a hovercraft!
Brendanonymous
Was it the real Osiris?
FlippantSausage
Lord of Submarines.
NO!
They got his head wrong!
gellaho
An Australian computer voice tells him where the slurp button is
FlippantSausage
It was a double fake Osiris!
With an australian accent.
Aussiris.
LyraV 42Dukes
Osiris lived in the city from Flushed Away for some reason
Brendanonymous
Wasn't the Moon Knight hippo goddess Australian too?
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Osiris was an Australian hologram with the wrong animal head
gellaho
Wakka wakka
FlippantSausage
I'm still really mad they fucked up the head!
OSIRIS HAS A HUMAN HEAD! MICHAEL DORN!
GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!
LyraV 42Dukes
Miller do you think they weren't trying to catch whales but maybe sky subs?
FancyShark
"Speaking of thick cables..."
"We're about to die."
FlippantSausage
Also fuck Miller for assuming Mara is going to panic at some point.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
When all you have is a harpoon gun, everything looks like a whale.
gellaho
Well, sharks round two
FancyShark
YES!
SAVE MARA! KILL MILLER!
FlippantSausage
Sweet!
gellaho
I have no idea why this is in this book
FlippantSausage
Also this went from "Subs and harpoons" to "EXPLOSION" so quickly!
FancyShark
Miller then realizes all the pirates were children
FlippantSausage
Miller really needs to learn the principle of "Fuck that guy, they harpooned my flying submarine."
gellaho
Well, now he's got a bunch of sailors
FlippantSausage
You harpoon my sub, killing you is morally and karmically neutral.
FancyShark
Feeding a shark redeems you enough to avoid ball torture in hell
FlippantSausage
Also Mara is a shark whisperer so I'm sure if you ask her she can save them.
gellaho
Make sure to introduce new redheads late in your book
FlippantSausage
"BOO HOO I BLEW UP YOUR SHIT IN A RAD FIREBALL!"
FancyShark
I read that as "Captain Grover" and got very excited
gellaho
Oops, there go more sailors
FlippantSausage
Aw that would have been rad.
gellaho
And there goes Miller
LyraV 42Dukes
The murder tally is getting up there.
FancyShark
"Oooh, right, the wave of teeth and screams"
Woop!
gellaho
Fair enough
FancyShark
hahaha, scooped you, Dorn!
FlippantSausage
Mara 👏 Has 👏 it 👏 Covered 👏
gellaho
Good thing there were more morons to pilot the sub
FlippantSausage
Tho maybe she will take up with Captain Grover and make lovely ginger babies with a stalwart man of the sea?
gellaho
Ah, Zeus
FlippantSausage
Just......anyone but Miller.
FancyShark
Fuck you, Zeus!
gellaho
Time to jump to some conclusions
FancyShark
How dare you, Miller
Mara knows what a Hitler is
FlippantSausage
STOP HIS DUMB ASS HEART WITH WITCHCRAFT!
gellaho
The world's most unnecessarily complicated plan
FlippantSausage
Yeah threaten the shark lady at open sea, you fucknut.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Miller finds time traveling alien more believable than competent woman
FlippantSausage
She fucking stabbed that dude in front of you, you think she cant take you?
gellaho
Seems like a weird detail, but fine
FancyShark
Oh, she's Gal Gadot
FlippantSausage
🤨 Thats a hell of a jump from Gaelic.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Okay. Maybe she does look Druish.
FancyShark
It's that Irish part of Israel
gellaho
MICHAEL DORN TONY MILLER IS THE MOST IMPORTANT MAN IN HISTORY
FancyShark
"We need you to kill a bunch of children."
"I was made for this."
FlippantSausage
"Certain things?"
"Mouth stuff, mostly."
gellaho
"The authors haven't written why yet"
FancyShark
"Well, that's fine by-"
"On the sharks."
gellaho
TIME BLENDER
FlippantSausage
"Why do yall want time fucked?"
"It's complicated."
I mean it seems pretty rad to me.
LyraV 42Dukes
Some sort of Hour Mingling
FancyShark
That's the name of the book!
FlippantSausage
HE SAID THE THING!
FancyShark
See?! It's a good story!
Give us a sequel, publisher!
FlippantSausage
Just like in Star Wars.
gellaho
You know, natural things. Like, MEGACRYSTALS
FancyShark
THIS IS PHOTON!
FlippantSausage
Crystals are rad.
Number one mystical material for 2000 years running.
LyraV 42Dukes
THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO
FancyShark
Actually, this sounds more like Final Fantasy
gellaho
I wonder where Michael Dorn might have gotten this idea for these
FlippantSausage
Ive been watching that for the last couple days!
gellaho
Some kind of people combined with technology and computers
FlippantSausage
🤔 Like some kind of.....science machine man.....a sci-borg.
FancyShark
A machinaman
Or a...Steele
FlippantSausage
TM Michael Dorn LTD.
Supernaught
Gellaho didn't want to be part of Anime Week, but it turns out Book Club had other plans.
gellaho
Goddamned future hippies
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
"they glued a bunch of laser pointers to their heads for some reason."
FancyShark
"There are only 'police actions' and 'military interventions'."
FlippantSausage
I like how Miller got told that a group of people with a name like "Bodhis" are the bad guys and just rolled with it.
gellaho
And the Time Blender fixes the planet... that's already been saved by future hippies?
gellaho
Why do the future hippies want to time blend if they already saved the planet in the future?
LyraV 42Dukes
The Moment Amalgamate
FancyShark
"Hello. I'm beloved TV and film star Michael Dorn, and I've read most of Ender's Game."
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
No dorn, those are daleks. You're stealing from the wrong franchise!
FlippantSausage
So they can fuck across all time and space.
Without having to go so goddam far.
Brendanonymous
This is one of those stories that was unfilmable in 1997 and would be so rad now.
FlippantSausage
Living an idyllic life in a community inside a rad crystal leaves you a lot of time for fucking.
FancyShark
I can't shake the feeling it would look like Ready Player One
gellaho
Future possession
FlippantSausage
Then again maybe they have some kind of internet crystals.
God Miller is real slow on the uptake.
FancyShark
"Wait, Cook was possessed? Why didn't he say so?"
gellaho
"Yeah, but when we do it it's like, organic possession, man"
FlippantSausage
Like he hadn't yet cottoned on to the fact Cook was housing a psychic projection.
LyraV 42Dukes
scooped by the Shark
Brendanonymous
This book is starting to lose its center.
FlippantSausage
Its becoming............BLENDED!
FancyShark
You...really want to use that word, Dorn?
gellaho
"It's like a spiritual co-op, maaaaaan"
gellaho
Starting to?
That implies there was one
FlippantSausage
"No the result isnt.......ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING?!"
LyraV 42Dukes
God Miller you just...you're so dense.
FancyShark
"We can't make someone do anything he wouldn't normally do. Like neglect an open head wound or forget about his family."
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
No wonder it's not centered. When's the last time Miller did any tai chi?
FlippantSausage
"MILLER! My eyes are up here! Pay attention, this is the goddam time future stream we are trying to save!"
gellaho
"I feel like I should still unblend time, you didn't really give me a good reason not to"
FancyShark
Miller wondered. What were the boobs trying to tell him?
FlippantSausage
"Im not going to try and persuade you, because I've already told you all the things that will happen if you fuck up. That by itself should have done the trick."
gellaho
That's how animals behave, sure
FancyShark
HIS CHANCE OF SUCCESS WAS ONE IN SEVEN!
gellaho
Impossible odds
Brendanonymous
How many pages of plot explanation was that?
FancyShark
Two? Maybe?
FlippantSausage
Future robot men never did understand probability, because past writer men dont.
gellaho
it was like ten, but I still don't really understand the time blending
FlippantSausage
Time blending means it was technically no pages and all pages.
gellaho
It kind of sounds like they already solved the future, so the time blending plot seems pointless
FlippantSausage
If Miller doesnt do the ..........thing..... then the book has to be reread out of order.
It's the only way.,
Wait what the fuck is Miller doing? I forgot.
gellaho
Friendly reminder that there's a random sailor hanging out now for no reason
FlippantSausage
These nudists seem cool.
FancyShark
Future bikinis, sure
FlippantSausage
Probably like tinfoil patterned and shiny.
gellaho
The MEGACRYSTAL causes many cases of blindness
FlippantSausage
Like science man jumpsuits in a Godzilla movie.
FancyShark
So much Windex has to be used on the Megacrystal each day
gellaho
Fucking what?
FlippantSausage
"Blinding onlookers for miles around is basically our main mode of defense from the robots."
LyraV 42Dukes
Birds are constantly smashing into it.
FlippantSausage
Bats too, because the psychic emanations confuse echolocation.
Some nude janitor has to go over parts of it with a toothbrush.
FancyShark
Sure, buildings are psychic agreements. This all is very accurate.
FlippantSausage
If you think about it, alot of things are psychic agreements.
LyraV 42Dukes
Their experiments with the glintstone crystals went awry.
FlippantSausage
Like pissing in the bathroom and not your bosses desk.
gellaho
Frank's my favorite
FancyShark
Joe is the crystal
FlippantSausage
Man imagine being the Frank in that place.
Brendanonymous
Yeshiva, Arno, Isolte,and...Frank
FlippantSausage
Everyone else is a Yeshiva or a Chandrasekhar or a Moonflower and you're fucking Frank.
LyraV 42Dukes
Frank son of Incense and Myrrh
FlippantSausage
Everyone is real nice about it and that makes it worse.
Jazz Ramb$ne Gracie
that would be invasive
FancyShark
"Hey, you guys are laughing at me."
"Shut up, Frank."
gellaho
"No, I won't tell you why it's important"
Brendanonymous
Page 238 of 257, and we're still just laying down track.
FlippantSausage
Man he is really pissed about all this people being nice and clean air and free nudity.
FancyShark
It's called "plausible deniability". It holds up in court!
gellaho
I'm reaching my tolerance for hippie nonsense
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
He noticed all the butthole pucker marks on the megacrystal benches
FancyShark
hahaha, they have a Thinking Spot
gellaho
Limit surpassed
FlippantSausage
Fuck yeah I was just about to say they were gonna plant ass on them blobs.
FancyShark
Hey, remember when you were being chased by a bastardized version of the Egyptian god of life?