FancyShark
Meanwhile, some bits of exploded prostitute drip off the bottom of Galen's shoes
80: The Pale Companion Kenneth Von Gunden
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Sometimes, the enemy looks just like you...
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Badgerman
As opposed to the Gorgon Meg
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Yeah because that's how science works Dr. Media PHD
1000 Space GDCs
Honestly the handwavey space magic explanation is less insufferable than pages of technobabble
Spare The Wad, Spoil The Child
So first Hyperspace is empty...then it is bowels
Galen has an odd understanding of human physiology
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
He's cribbing from 40k now.
godless juice jakesy
First of all, if there's no nysteel in the ships then this is an unrealistic future
FancyShark
To be fair, he did just turn a building full of people into nothing but bowels and emptiness
1000 Space GDCs
this is also another Ringworld thing.
Badgerman
"The ship jumped"
gellaho
Galen's quest for God and meaning will definitely be important for this book
Badgerman
Oh cool, Hyperspace is just a black void totally unexciting to the imagination
FancyShark
Watches lie
gellaho
"Sir, are you OK in there?"
Spare The Wad, Spoil The Child
I'm sure all of this ties into the point where he beats the shit out of his robot clone
gellaho
Gotta wonder why they built an observation deck if jumping into hyperspace makes you crazy
godless juice jakesy
https://twitter.com/dril/status/205052027259195393?s=46&t=L8bstYoPf1lQK9NRlQpFjw
FancyShark
At least put up a rope or something to block it off
Badgerman
It's like having a sun room on the spaceship in Sunshine
Like. Are you sure we need that?
gellaho
So anyway, forget all that
Spare The Wad, Spoil The Child
Galen is so unimaginative that the thing that scares him the most is nothing
He truly fears Nothing
gellaho
Cello time!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"I, a guy who just scrubbed sex worker ash out of my hair, am entitled to forgivenessssssss!"
FancyShark
He should avoid driving through the Midwest
Greg
Hell yeah lip action
Spare The Wad, Spoil The Child
We should start a Lip count. Everytime someone bites or licks kr whatever
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Fuckin violin players
gellaho
Now meet Sam Houston, the cyborg. I hate him
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Him playing violin explains so much.
Spare The Wad, Spoil The Child
He already has more personality than Galen
Badgerman
The Foundation?
No, the Asimov estate would sue.
FancyShark
Sam Abbott and Galen Costello
gellaho
Moly-steel
Badgerman
Moly moly moly
FancyShark
It's like holy steel, but not quite
Spare The Wad, Spoil The Child
This is my talking pet crystal and he sleeps in this little bed
gellaho
I hate you so much
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
As opposed to molly steel. More popular but makes it hard to get things done.
FancyShark
The hell does that even mean? He's going to eat Galen's family?
His mouth is Galen's mother?
I'm so confused
gellaho
I despise this robot
Badgerman
The lips are his family? Is this foreshadowing of how many times they'll come up?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Well you also don't want your alien crystal intelligence rolling under the couch.
Badgerman
Nothing says whimsy like writing out "heeheehee" right before narrating that someone giggled
Spare The Wad, Spoil The Child
I think the pauses the conversations have as we read narration actually happen in this book. Someone says something and then for roughly the amout of time it takes the narrator to explain stuff Galen is sitting silent
gellaho
So, anyway, they go to the Voorhees compound in South Africa for a biracial family reunion. On to part three
Spare The Wad, Spoil The Child
10/10
Badgerman
Did they pattern this robot on Young Sheldon
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
God this is like if Agent 47 and the robot from Buck Rodgers were roommates and I hate it.
FancyShark
That's Cockney for "halves"
Brendan
Yeah but it's rhyming slang for a sex act
Spare The Wad, Spoil The Child
I dunno. It would be weird to have a single word just abbreviated for no reason in the universe of this 'bot filled book
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Except the robot from Buck Rodgers doesn't giggle like a pervert
Brendan
Think about it. Dani Alves. FANNY
FancyShark
duuuuuuude
gellaho
Being 130 seems fun
Badgerman
Ghannee Mugambi-Voorhees
godless juice jakesy
Pringlish
FancyShark
I almost punched my monitor when I saw "Prin'glish"
godless juice jakesy
Lol
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
In space, nobody can see your granny toke on her sweet corncob pipe
FancyShark
Scoop me if you must, I stand by what I said
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Language of the Prinnies, dood.
gellaho
☑️ Redhead for anonymous relative
Badgerman
I like how Pringlish is just English with an undefined accent
Wait, there's two Ghannees now?
FancyShark
The children are immediately dragged under by a plaskraken
Badgerman
He's not just hitting on the mummy?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Slack jawed because they can't imagine anyone caring that Galen is present.
gellaho
The cousin is named after the grandmother, a great choice for fiction
godless juice jakesy
Also chocolate-complexioned is so strained
gellaho
You think that's strained
FancyShark
I'm kind of glad they didn't go for New African or something
1000 Space GDCs
That's not strained, that's snapped
gellaho
Ghannee's getting married. And time to skip over BUSINESS
Badgerman
I'm honestly surprised we're not full crash helmet at this point
Spare The Wad, Spoil The Child
I had to anagram Ghannee Mugambi-Voorhees and the best I got was
"A Humming Beverage soon, eh?"
1000 Space GDCs
An achilles tendon rolling up like cartoon blinds
FancyShark
Author's showing their hand a bit with "lady who is perpetually a child is most appealing because of that"
gellaho
Alves seems like a great guy. He's marrying Ghannee
Badgerman
Good grief.
FancyShark
She's marrying Sam Walton
1000 Space GDCs
I was going to go for a lazy elon musk joke
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
So it's like those things you can get that's a Segway with an ipad taped to it.
gellaho
Then Galen's ex-wife shows up. Galen has some strange proclivities
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
What a great fiancee.
gellaho
Her name is Adrianna
Badgerman
"Hhhhh let me stick my tongue in your ear canals babe 🤓 "
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
And Galen has a wet willy fetish. No sense of humor tho.
LyraV
Well at least her tits smoke weed.
1000 Space GDCs
This author is the most upsettingly horny one in a while.
gellaho
This is how you describe ears, sure
Brendan
Moist ears are a PROBLEM, young man.
Badgerman
Man, big turnout from the irredeemable perverts this Upsetting Day
godless juice jakesy
The anti-Davis Mills
Brendan
Always clean your milady's eustachean tubes thoroughly with a microfiber cloth.
Spare The Wad, Spoil The Child
I got one more Anagram from granny
"Here Gunman Goo, Misbehave"
gellaho
Pseudo-Quantum-Gravity brainpack
FancyShark
I really hope Adrianna is just an ostrich and no one has the heart to tell Galen
godless juice jakesy
Her tits were tall and her ear canals were deep, a fine catch
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Shit this is the Joust novelization we all wanted but never got.
gellaho
Galen is into this roboman
FancyShark
It's going to be so awkward when Galen blurts out how he nuked a dog fighting ring while everyone's giving toasts to the bride and groom
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
The love that dare not speak it's name. The bond between a space murderer and his beloved ostrich bride.
Badgerman
This is the shittiest love triangle
gellaho
Galen is great at keeping secrets
Spare The Wad, Spoil The Child
Alves has a goatee. Obvious villain
1000 Space GDCs
sensual and goatee are not words that should be in the same sentance
Badgerman
<Jesusfuckingchrist!>
FancyShark
I was kidding, but now I genuinely want him to mention he murdered people in the middle of this terrible party
gellaho
Blah, blah, blah they eat
Badgerman
The fucking pasty incel cop on Andor wasn't as unlikeable as this dude
gellaho
And now, the attack
gellaho
Time for some more murder!
Brendan
If I were a bad guy, I would just shoot at the floor.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Yayyy gunfire!
gellaho
Remember when Galen was supposed to be a humorless assassin? Forget that, he's Mr Quip now
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I'd have just tossed a frag grenade in and turned him to soft serve hamburger but rifle is good too.
Badgerman
"Like a dandy deciding which smoking jacket to wear" is a strange affectation to put on when he's literally under fire
gellaho
Galen's grandfather seems like a real dork
LyraV
Raw power, sure Galen that's you
1000 Space GDCs
I'm glad we have the model number of his gun, that is super important
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Hawkwind's "Needle Gun" starts playing in the soundtrack.
FancyShark
If he had the Dragonslayer, this book would be a lot more fun
Badgerman
Hhhhhh that's meeee I'm the Dragonslayerrr
gellaho
Combat floaters
Badgerman
Now where'd I put my inhaler
The idea of hardened hitmen showing up in wing floaters like at the kiddie pool got a full belly laugh out of me
gellaho
Proscribed will make a couple of appearances
FancyShark
Since the author couldn't bother to make a cool name, I'm now picturing floaties on all the bad guys
DAMMIT
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Combat Floaters is what I call it when you shit in a public toilet and forget to flush because you fear being attacked.
Badgerman
"I proscribe a dose of MURDER!!"
gellaho
This gun seems impractical
Badgerman
It's like if Skyfall was written two decades early and also poorly
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Just call them hovercraft Dr. Kenny.
1000 Space GDCs
are battle floaters distinct from combat floaters?
FancyShark
A gun that fires Literal Armageddon seems a bit OP
Badgerman
Jesus, settle down with the Bible invoking
LyraV
I was not expecting the sixth seal to pop up.
FancyShark
I think I like that gun
gellaho
Surely my armor designed to distribute electricity will stop bullets
Badgerman
The gun blew him across the room because he's made of tissue paper
gellaho
DOOOOOOOOORK
Badgerman
Fuck me I called it.
FancyShark
So of course you can see why energy weapons caught on
Brendan
Skyfall WAS written poorly.
1000 Space GDCs
i love how he just casually dropped in that this guy is basically roland from the dark tower
Brendan
I will put Spectre up against Skyfall ten days a week.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I can also see how much he loves that needle gun. He's used it to kill like one dude.
Badgerman
Bold matchup, tbh. I thought Skyfall and Casino Royale were Craig's best
gellaho
Ew
Now that the attack has been repelled, safari time!
Brendan
Child Rolande, maybe.
Badgerman
Oh but we're still using jeeps in the future
Brendan
They're FUN!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
And elephant guns.
Badgerman
They're FUN!
FancyShark
The only way the discordant personality stuff would make sense would be if the roboclone was of Galen and it was the humorless one
gellaho
Viviplastic
godless juice jakesy
Polysteel, what is that like some form of primitive nysteel?
FancyShark
Wait, this is Shitty Psychodrome, isn't it?
Badgerman
I was thinking Shitty Tekwar
gellaho
I hate Sam. And not just because he sweats for no reason
gellaho
This needs about fifty other ideas for it to even attempt a comparison
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Cool. Sweaty robots. Just what the genre needed.
gellaho
This is mostly about business from here on out
Badgerman
Man. We haven't met a single character who was at all endearing
FancyShark
Maybe the gun?
LyraV
Sweating without breathing seems like some kind of specific oversight.
1000 Space GDCs
just a bunch of moist androids
gellaho
Might as fucking well if you have Voorhees
Badgerman
I can't respect a gun that's so obviously a nerd's power fantasy
godless juice jakesy
Eh the gun has a shitty, impenetrable name too
FancyShark
I, Sweaty
godless juice jakesy
Wyverncolla? More like Y Bother With Dragon Bullshit Colla
1000 Space GDCs
Kruger National Park had all four animals.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Later they go to the Pinhead Memorial Museum.
gellaho
Suck it, Aunt Kitrina
FancyShark
And Leatherface Art Gallery
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
And visit Myers Square
godless juice jakesy
Hahaha eat shut, uggo aunt
1000 Space GDCs
how do you tape a hologram to something
FancyShark
Plastape
1000 Space GDCs
that tracks
gellaho
So, then they go to see lions and the fun begins
Badgerman
Plaster of PlasParis
LyraV
Of course how would a mosquito even percieve a hologram?
Badgerman
why start now
gellaho
I love this part
Badgerman
FUCK YOU, ELEPHANT ATTACK
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Fuck em up, Tantor.
gellaho
But before that, my least favorite part. How Kenneth has people say "Dadder" repeatedly
Badgerman
A whole family of them. Here to stomp you to death.
That's even worse than daddy somehow
And daddy has already been just completely fucking ruined
1000 Space GDCs
Elephants never forget!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Fuck I hate dadder so goddam much
Badgerman
You could only make it worse by throwing an s on the end
gellaho
Yessssssssssssssssss
gellaho
Huzzah
LyraV
perfect
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Fuck yeah
Badgerman
Jesus Christ that elephant shows up just to fuck up that robot
Best character
gellaho
Unfortunately Sam is still alive
Badgerman
"Various fluids"
FancyShark
The elephant comes back with an axe
1000 Space GDCs
this wouldn't need to be so messy if you weren't so obsessed with wet droids
godless juice jakesy
Elephant never forgets, but more importantly, he never forgives
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
It's cum.
gellaho
And now we see the first lie of the back
FancyShark
It could be the elephant! You don't know!
Badgerman
Holy shit the elephants are making an army of cyborgs
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Elephants are pretty smart.
Badgerman
Why isn't this book about that!?
1000 Space GDCs
I for one welcome our new elephant overlords
godless juice jakesy
This cyborg doesn't even have the firepower of an entire army
gellaho
Sam Houston is the anti-Steele: human brain, no human penis
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Also Sam is biological?
gellaho
Unfortunately I do
FancyShark
aw
gellaho
The dick is more important though
I hate you, Sam
FancyShark
"That they hate you?"
godless juice jakesy
"Houston, we have a problem!"
gellaho
Ahuh
FancyShark
"Also, the standup of Joe Piscopo"
gellaho
So Sam goes to a secret technological laboratory under Houston
Badgerman
On one hand, one statement. On the other, a statement which doesn't in any way contradict the first.
FancyShark
Is there baseball?
gellaho
Back at the apartment
Badgerman
He's named after the city?
gellaho
I hope you are ready for it to get sexy
gellaho
He has the same name as the guy who founded the city
FancyShark
Uh oh. He's gonna fuck an ostrich
godless juice jakesy
Why does everyone in this book have such a shitty, clunky name
Badgerman
Good grief
FancyShark
FUTURE!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
God he's going to tongue her moist earholes.
LyraV
noooooooo
1000 Space GDCs
Hold on, i'm too sober to learn about more of this author's kinks
gellaho
Time for some ear stuff
Badgerman
I bet this guy came so hard when Khan put the space slug in Chekov's ear. Right there in the middle of the theater.
gellaho
Delicious, creamy flesh
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Brendan
Shag carpet in space seems like a static shock equipment failure waiting to yiff.
gellaho
Well, that's new
Let's try again
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Galen spells ostrich with a capital D, you gotta pay for the O cos the D ain't free (that don't make sense).....
Badgerman
Yeah, it's other women who have the unrealistic body expectations of women. Not dudes. Sure thing pal
FancyShark
Sadly, Dr. Kenny meant "creme freche"
Brendan
"She was acceptably white, but not like Grace Kelly."
gellaho
You know, nipple makeup
FancyShark
Her shirts must have weird stains
Brendan
I have spent enough time in the men's interest trenches to have observed similar to this guy. The patriarchy is real and sucks and shitty guys will call women fat, but for all that, men's magazines tend to prefer curves while women's magazines are like FFUUUUCK YOU'RE SO FAT STOP BEING FAT
Obviously this has changed in our body-positive late '10s to now.
LyraV
This made me think less of breasts and more of like...fishing bobbers
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Titstick is non toxic but please don't eat it.
gellaho
And, now that the sex is over, time for Galen to describe her body the way a serial killer might
FancyShark
Ew
Badgerman
That sexiest of words, "bifurcation"