85: Demon's Beach Nicole Davidson

Even Badger will be smashed

She might have missed with the cup. The caustic liquid was clearly the better option

FancyShark

Mitch was the hero all along!

NostraThomas TommyG

Well then he'd still have his dreamy looks

NostraThomas TommyG

He's the smart one

gellaho

Didn't find his body, well surely that means he's coming back...

Ozzie

Distrusting all men in 40 feet was a better survival strategy than anything anyone else did.

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

She'd better at least give Wes a handy in the Denny's parking lot in his truck or maybe next time he wont risk a violent death at the hands of her mysterious drifter boyfriend.

gellaho

Oh, wait there's only four pages left

NostraThomas TommyG

Batman will be punching his lights out pretty soon

Even Badger will be smashed

I can't wait for the parlor room wrap up

FancyShark

He's Florida shark food by now

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

He died, and is now at the bottom of the ocean being eaten by fishes to be pooped out for all the little poop eating fishes to eat.

Brendan

Dragging himself onto shore

No explanation about how he defied the rocks

gellaho

Aw he's a nerd again

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Only to be devoured by a medium sized seagull.

Even Badger will be smashed

We never even got to see the fucking galleon.

Brendan

He'll reappear as an ugly guy named...Dauber.

Even Badger will be smashed

I'm so mad.

gellaho

But it's the person inside that counts, right?

gellaho

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Sometimes the galleon is the secretly hunky boys you realized were hot along the way.

gellaho

Lol, j/k

Even Badger will be smashed

Hahaha Max is so fucking shallow. I hate her

gellaho

Disgusting nerds are gross and do not deserve love

FancyShark

"Seriously, I'll slash your throat in your sleep if you ever dare to be ugly again"

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

God she is so fucking stupid for continuing to think it was all somehow supernatural that Wes isnt a lamentable dork slug.

gellaho

What luck

Brendan

Technically it's the person inside you that counts.

FancyShark

I'm sure he was thrilled that Mitch visited him in the hospital

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

"He'll never walk again and he's been giving flash cards to relearn shapes and colors. He's gotten red, square and glorp so far."

gellaho

Boy, you sure are dumb

NostraThomas TommyG

See above arm tattoos

FancyShark

She's been through the Florida desert with a cat with no name

gellaho

Mixed? Are you fucking serious

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Max. Fuck off, you weird bitch. The cat has no name and that reminds you of your thirst for difter cock and his sinister plots?

Also that cat probably has a name.

FancyShark

Back up

GDC

The cat has a collar with it's name on it.

FancyShark

WRITING BAD CHECKS is a crime you had to pin on your villain, Kathryn?

gellaho

What a dumb and pointless subplot

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

"Wrong for her" is more "Kind of a creep" not "Is a legit murderer" Kathryn. I know you're trying to have a message for young girls here but this is a weird way to put it.

GDC

One of her fondest memories will always be melting a guys face off.

Even Badger will be smashed

I'm having a realization here, gang.

This book is dogshit.

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

"Yeah my grandma has dementia, thanks for fucking prying, you ass."

FancyShark

Sounds like Herbert died from not wanting to be named Herbert anymore

Brendan

As Max made love to Wesley for the first time, she found herself thinking of their friend, Barbara, whose femur jutting out of her leg made it impossible for her to escape the fire that had turned her once-gorgeous red hair into literal flames of stinking, sizzling wicks.

That had been 12 hours earlier.

gellaho

"My self-confidence is worth another's death"

NostraThomas TommyG

Really?

Even Badger will be smashed

I know, I was surprised too

NostraThomas TommyG

Coulda knocked me off with a feather 🪶

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

"Now nobody living knows I was fat.............wait shit. Max you're looking..........Flammable....Fuck I mean hot! Hot, you look hot today."

NostraThomas TommyG

With that sweet smell

FancyShark

I was joking that Max was just going to shrug at Barbara's funeral but I think that's in the cards

gellaho

Did she steal that from his hospital bed?

gellaho

Brendan

Boy, that Herbert thing went nowhere at all.

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

"You know Zelda. I'm also kind of glad our classmates died or were badly injured too."

GDC

For the rest of her life Max will be unable to orgasm without the smell of cooking human flesh.

NostraThomas TommyG

That's her kink now

FancyShark

Finally, a relatable character

Brendan

Zelda, all of your friends died because they didn't like you and used you to cruelly bait Max.

gellaho

"It's so sweet how he told her to shut up!"

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Lucy you should have gone Wes, Brodey isnt going to be eating solid foods for years.

Even Badger will be smashed

What a rich arc. "The class slut learns to not be so slutty". Daring and brave, Kathryn.

NostraThomas TommyG

A lesson for all teens

GDC

Mitch went on to be murdered for ripping off the cartels.

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Max learned some Spanish too. CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT!

NostraThomas TommyG

Mitch is Latino?

gellaho

And we end with this really strange bit of flirting

FancyShark

His torso would later wash up on shore. Since it wasn't Spanish treasure, it was ignored and picked apart by crabs.

Brendan

Barbara sounds like the actual hero of this book.

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

And that boy? Joseph Robinette Biden.

Brendan

Mitch is a very anglo lady's idea of Latino

We stan a compact king

GDC

He was only identified thanks to his tattoo.

gellaho

We have defeated Demon's Beach

FancyShark

We did it!

NostraThomas TommyG

🥳🥳🥳

Brendan

WHOO BOY

GDC

That was a rough one, good work everybody.

Even Badger will be smashed

At least this time there's a reason for the Gellahead to look so unsettlingly damp

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Fuck yeah. We held this books arms and took turns putting cigarettes out on its chest.

FancyShark

Great riffing, everyone!

Even Badger will be smashed

An extremely rough book, gang. Way to rise to the occasion, go us!

GDC

This book deserves the book dungeon.

gellaho

So concludes Episode 85 of The Book Cage

Brendan

Those were some dumb kids.

FancyShark

Thank you, @gellaho !

Brendan

That Mitch is no good.

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Hahahah fuck them kids.

Brendan

This book suggests there is a 7th, dead Planeteer.

Even Badger will be smashed

Thanks again, @gellaho !

gellaho

You know, I have a friend who recently got into biking. Unlike Brodey, I think he knows what he's doing though

B-B-B-Bonus

FancyShark

:yee:

Even Badger will be smashed

:SteeleYourself:

Biker Ape!

FancyShark

@Brockway ! NEW APE!

Brendan

Thanks for carrying us in your beach footprints, @gellaho Ride safe on the dunes of love.

FancyShark

BIKER APE!

Even Badger will be smashed

p.s. I will never not laugh at the itty bitty Photon in the teeny tiny corner cage

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

SWEET! THIS APE IS BADASS!

Brendan

Good meat, book dorks. I'd better not hear about you posing nude for Terry Richardson.

FancyShark

No promises

Have a good night, everyone!

See you tomorrow for Fight Night!

Proxy is: Velma

It's been so long since the ape gods blessed us! I was afraid they'd abandoned us to our sad, apeless fate

gellaho

You remember in the prologue where Kathryn pretended there was a being rising from the ocean with mind control powers?

That was weird

FancyShark

lol

Even Badger will be smashed

lmao, even

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

I miss when Lobstor, The Spawn of the Deep was a beautiful vision we all shared.