86: 1 The Black Dragon Victor Appleton

#1 Tom Swift

Tags: The Year of Pain

Every new invention is an invitation to danger.

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gellaho: The Book Cage Episode 86 - Tom Swift #1: Black Dragon; This would normally be where we'd have hela teen mystery cool down, but unfortunately this is the year of pain. Our suffering this week involves teen genius/moron Tom Swift in his first radical reinvention. Enjoy his extreme stunts on a skyboard which can somehow take over the world? I don't know. But Xavier Mace, aka The Dragon, knows! This Friday, 5PM eastern, fire superconductors at the laser-zapping hologram!
gellaho
Even Badger will be smashed: haha wait as in Tom Swift from like the 1910s?
gellaho: The taser boy himself
Ozzie: Tom Swift who just got a CW series last year evidently.; Unknown at this time how radical a reinvention that is.
gellaho: This is also a lead up to the Tom Swift/Hardy Boys Casefiles crossover books which include The Black Dragon
FancyShark: Room enough for everyone
gellaho: A little over an hour until Tom Swift #1: The Black Dragon. Here is your preview, skyjackers
FancyShark: Helicopters are known for their whispering
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Mostly whispering things like "I like your sweater."
Even Badger will be smashed: Thank goodness Rick was able to instant transmission away before the net could take him; Also, "sky jacking" :FuckApe:
LyraV: Attack helicopters and skyboarding? This is sure to be quite radical to the Xtreme.
FancyShark: Baseball caps might even be worn backwards!
Agent of Fortune: I don't know how I feel about that
LyraV: Skyjacking? Me neither.; Sounds intense.
gellaho: Let us begin the eXtreme process
Even Badger will be smashed: Man, it's real hard to look like you give a shit about anything on a flying surfboard.
gellaho: Tom Swift's first adventure begins with those immortal words we all remember
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: That jacket better have a sweet Chinese dragon on the back or we are being cheated.
Even Badger will be smashed: Tom, I'm sorry, but you've been a geek since as long as you were invented.
FancyShark: "Tom, just tell Santa what you want for Christmas. Don't make this a whole thing."
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: He said as he straightened his pocket protector.
gellaho: !
FancyShark: :nerds:
Even Badger will be smashed: Tom may dress like a dork but he's not the one going "ner-r-r-r—" in public, Rick
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Aw man this safety equipment makes me look like I care about keeping my brain in my skull like some kind of melvin."
FancyShark: That control panel controls Rick's oxygen
Even Badger will be smashed: Haha that last paragraph makes it sound like he's giving a robot a titty twister
Agent of Fortune: I assume we're in The Future?
gellaho: Um, electromagnetism, actually
FancyShark: We are not
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Electromagnetic carpet comes standard on all future Fuckvans.
Even Badger will be smashed: "Why, this is merely superconductor electromagnetism, Guile!"
LyraV: They should have called him Rick Canteven amiright?
FancyShark: Fuckin' electromagnets. How do they work
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: MAGIC CARPET RIIIIIIIIDE! A WHOOOOOLE NEEEEEW WOOOOOOOOOORLD!
Agent of Fortune: the hell you say
gellaho: Sounds like the nerd calling the dork dweeb, Rick
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: I mean its a pretty good question Tom.
Even Badger will be smashed: They were as good a team as a quarterback tossing to his pass receiver to score a field goal
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Better scientists than you have said "Hey how fast can we make this idiot go?"
FancyShark: Last time, Rick was put on an iron lung because Tom pissed off an angry ginger special ops guy
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Strap a chimp to that thing and crank the throttle wide open.
gellaho: Probably 5 mph more than 70 I would say
LyraV: I just now clocked the cover says 'every new invention is an invitation to danger' 😆
Even Badger will be smashed: It's a very "we live in a society" sort of observation
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: He's making the Messerschmitt Komet of surfboards, hopefully.
gellaho: "I don't understand why everyone is looking at me on this rad skyboard!"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: That's nerd talk Tom.
GDC: The electromagetic field instantly kills anyone with a pacemaker.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Real cool teens WANT people to gaze up at them in awe at their godlike prowess.
gellaho: "More heavy duty than a flower pot? Get out of town!"
Agent of Fortune: lean AND handsome
GDC: Ceramic is known for it's ability to conduct electricity
FancyShark: "I call it Ceramic 4. Or 'C4' for short"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Someone replies to this explanation of ceramic superconductors with "Well. I'll be a monkey's uncle. Imagine that."
gellaho: A barrage of cream pies
FancyShark: Rick was so amused he didn't even notice the steel wire until his head was off
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "TEEN BOY INVENTS SKYSURFING, LOVES CREAMPIES!" the headlines will read.
GDC: What about us on a wave?
gellaho: I wonder how Tom is going to get out of this mess
Even Badger will be smashed: Tom Swift, are you in the discord now?; Reveal yourself, spirit!
FancyShark: Oh no! Will he...switch it back on?!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "MAGNETO! I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN!"
Even Badger will be smashed: What a great invention, that a "random magnetic blast" can fuck it up so hard
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Also his idea of safety is apparently "Loose stirrups that dont connect me to the board securely."
gellaho: Yeah, this definitely won't hurt from a 70 foot drop
GDC: Really, this is his own fault for testing an experimental hoverboard without a harness
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: The illegal skysurfers in Judge Dredd had better safety lines.
Even Badger will be smashed: Hahaha it runs off fucking Knightmare technology?; The second this dude steps into a room with a gap on either side he is fucked; Also "huge white sacks"
gellaho: Hmmmm, my robot is trying to kill me. I better quicken my fall so I kill myself before he can
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "TECHNICIANS PUSH AROUND TEEN BOYS SACK!"; EXTRA EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT!
gellaho: Huge White Sax was the name of my jazz album
Even Badger will be smashed: Tom is the kind of guy to throw his last life off the edge of the stage in Smash while shrieking "You didn't win!"
Even Badger will be smashed: I like that the print industry has still survived The Future
FancyShark: Tom continues to build robots he can't predict but that hate him
Even Badger will be smashed: It feels telling somehow
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Tom is an edge guarding piece of shit when he plays Smash.
gellaho: Suck it, robot
Even Badger will be smashed: Fuck you, expensive prototypes!!
LyraV: Maybe he's making them betray him so he can explode their heads guilt free? I could be wrong.
FancyShark: "Golly, that sure was an entire department's annual budget!"
GDC: Chapter 3: Tom Swift answers to his shareholders
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Hahahaha neat." Tom said.
gellaho: "I should probably be dead!"
FancyShark: For those who missed the first book, Tom is also the son of a billionaire CEO of a tech company
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "WHAT? RICK< YOU HAVE TO SPEAK UP! THE SHOCKWAVE FROM THE EXPLODING CUSHION HAS MADE ME TEMPORARILY DEAFENED!"
gellaho: Yum, glowing powder
LyraV: That's a very specific thing to wonder about.
FancyShark: Meanwhile, an entire fleet of cars are shipped without airbags; "Breathe in that fiberglass dust"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "No......Tom. We can't just sweep it up, we need to know if its like radioactive or what?"
gellaho: Yes, this seems safe to handle
GDC: "Why did we make the robot out of radium?"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Tom, did you just give a hundred odd bystanders and technicians cancer?"
LyraV: Did the earlier tests end in dust? You should have mentioned that.
Even Badger will be smashed: Tom Swift: RobCo Certified
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Tom quit playing with your fucking science dust and help us with the OSHA forms."
gellaho: This ghostwriter cannot decide if Tom or his dad invented this
FancyShark: The doomsday clock clicks a minute closer to midnight every time Tom has an adventure
Even Badger will be smashed: "Putty brown insulation" has never once created an appealing mental image
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Tom is probably his own dad via time travel.
gellaho: Yeah, Rick seems like he should be trusted with top secret information
Even Badger will be smashed: And two of those hands were dead
gellaho: Just great security
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Tom's because he's the inventor, Dad's because he owns the fuckin place, and Rick's because it would be hilarious if he got superpowers from science goop."
GDC: Good thing no one else knows about Hungry Like the Wolf.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Also fuck you Tom, Duran Duran?
FancyShark: "But to answer your question, knives. Knives everywhere."
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: My dad doesnt even like Duran Duran.
gellaho: "How does the robot still work independently without its data module? Don't ask questions"
FancyShark: Bro was the cool robot. It left as soon as Tom switched it on.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Their two personalities made it really hard when Tom combined them into Roborb, the Machine Bird."
FancyShark: Nothing ominous about robots modifying themselves
gellaho: Dorks with their washable graffiti
gellaho
Even Badger will be smashed: It works on C-3PO logic. You can just plug that head bit into anything and it'll still work
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "What? No of course not Rick. Skynet is fictional."
FancyShark: Tom, just buy a whiteboard
gellaho: I see you've figured out genius teen Tom Swift's naming scheme
GDC: Tom's brilliant inventions so far this book: room-temperature superconductor, artificial life, and the dry erase marker
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Brorb is the levitating robot orb brother he made for himself. Probably didnt need to shoot tranq needles and have a built in Tesla coil weapon.
gellaho: Hmmm, gross
gellaho
LyraV: Well and you don't want to swat robots; That seems illogical
FancyShark: Tom made sexbots, but not the kind people wanted
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Leave it to Tom to make robots cum in peoples holes without consent.
GDC: They're as good at recognizing plants as teslas are at recognizing toddlers
Even Badger will be smashed: "Bumblebee! Stop lubricating pollinating the man!"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Yeah logically you'd build a robot to do it for you.; Some kind of robot wasp to get rid of these robot bees.
gellaho: "Yes, you've explained how it levitates, but you've never explained how it moves horizontally so fast-"; "Stop asking questions."
FancyShark: A swarm of mechanical bees would be a badass weapon for a Spider-Man villain. Like Swarm
NostraThomas TommyG: I did not
GDC: Wait, he didn't test it in the lab first?
Even Badger will be smashed: Tom's ultimate goal is to build consumer market railguns, with consumers as the bullets
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Well you see, Dad told me about this neat thing called hypergolic reactions, so when two chemicals combine that are hypergolic with each other, they explode!"
LyraV: That's how you end up with Metabarons.
gellaho: Paint on superconductors
Agent of Fortune: This feels Future-y
FancyShark: That's because it's stupid
gellaho: SOLID ELECTRICITY
FancyShark: hahahaha
Even Badger will be smashed: Hahaha this dick invented energon; Fucking chug that shit, Rick! Become a legend!
FancyShark: "Let me explain science to you in a way that shows I don't understand science"
GDC: This is actually a lot like how flash memory works.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Rick! BECOME THE TURBO TEEN YOU WERE ALWAYS MEANT TO BE! LICK THE ROOM TEMPERATURE SUPERCONDUCTOR!
FancyShark: FLYING SURFBOARDS!
Even Badger will be smashed: This doofus invented solid light energy and made a flying surfboard instead of a lightsaber; Boo this man
gellaho: "Robot Legs Have Memory" was a short story I wrote for a foot fetish magazine
NostraThomas TommyG: I didn't tell ya that 😜
gellaho: So hot
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Robot Legs Have Memory" is also the title of a very sad ELO song they cut from one of their albums.
FancyShark: If the leg survived the explosion, why don't they make the whole robot out of legs? hahaha; wait, that's a robot centipede
LyraV: Hey maybe finish work on your weird pollinating robots before working on this one?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: No, the robot bees are as safe as Tom wants them to be.
Even Badger will be smashed: Yaherdaboutdis? Yaherdaboutdis?
gellaho: They seemed transparent; They were
Even Badger will be smashed: A transmitted hologram, not to be confused with one of those client-side holograms
FancyShark: Who hasn't needed a moment to realize they were taking a phone call?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Hahahaha Toms dad is the dad from Invader Zim but unironically.
gellaho: "I'm a child"
FancyShark: Professor Membrane would destroy Swift
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: No wonder Tom is making robot bees to fuck peoples ears. He basically has no dad.
Even Badger will be smashed: And we wonder how people like Elon Musk happen
gellaho: "I need results, dammit!"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "C.......cost? This science goop costs money?"
GDC: To be fair Tom Sr. has a better handle on the implications of the invention than his son.
Even Badger will be smashed: "Your sky board is an expensive project. Even more so after you blew it the fuck up."
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "OH DAAAAAAD! NOT MY LAB BUDGEEEET! So unfair!"
gellaho: If only I had robots who could do these projections
Even Badger will be smashed: Still getting his head around the implications of putting his son in charge of a science lab tho
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Tom is entirely too young to have a LAB BUDGET.
FancyShark: "Dad, are you going to make it to my soccer game? We're in the playoffs."; "GET ME MY FLIGHT METAL OR YOUR ASS IS FIRED!"
Even Badger will be smashed: Hahaha this is his homework. This is what lameo homework looks like in The Future. Hahahahaaa
gellaho: Get fucked, Orb
Even Badger will be smashed: Pondering my cost projections with my Orb
FancyShark: Somehow the robot spoke in a robotic tone
GDC: you know, minor things like replacing thousands of miles of copper
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: You...........didnt ask this of your robot slave already?; And you............thought this would be inconvenient?
Even Badger will be smashed: Every hour on the hour Orb pronounces a "Dong" that rings through the whole facility
gellaho: I still don't understand why all those people were looking at me
Even Badger will be smashed: Okay Tom instantly loses this discussion. Flying surfboards are cool but flying trains are way fucking cooler
FancyShark: This idiot is wringing his hands over becoming the Silver Surfer and you're going to watch
LyraV: he doesn't trust the robots anyway
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Tom you stupid bastard, you could have made Galaxy Express 999 real and you FUCKED IT!
gellaho: Adobe missions, the best place to conduct business
FancyShark: He could have made Sunless Skies!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Not after The Pollination Incident anyway.
Even Badger will be smashed: "I keep my bathing suits plural in these adobe mission-style buildings! :HotDan: "
FancyShark: "The suits are also made of conductive ceramic."
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "high tech invasion" makes Swift Enterprises sound sinister, doesnt it?
Even Badger will be smashed: They jump in the pool and instantly electrocute themselves and sixty more guests
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Tom and Dad are definitely like pre-supervillains.
Even Badger will be smashed: Once you get to a certain tax bracket you're a proto-supervillain by default
gellaho: Settle down, ghostwriter
FancyShark: The whole series is edging the audience with the hope of that lab accident that sets the story in motion
Even Badger will be smashed: Pictured: Tom Swift
FancyShark: Don't make Gizmo swim!
gellaho: This is how hu-man teens communicate, yes?
FancyShark: I still like this guy better than the white guy in City Dragon
Even Badger will be smashed: Tom-Tom's special trick is being able to give pinpoint driving directions
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: The Scavengers is a pretty good band name, nice job writer.; They probably play like proto-ska swing fusion tho.
gellaho: Smooth
FancyShark: "It'll be great! We're miming the whole show!"
Even Badger will be smashed: Dan!
FancyShark: Dan Diebel
Even Badger will be smashed: :HotDan:
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Man poor Mandy. Stuck between a creep and a science creep.
gellaho: I have observed these hu-man teens and have transcribed what I believe is how they might behave during what they call "swimming"
FancyShark: If Sandra drowned Dan, it'd be more believable
Even Badger will be smashed: Tom can squirt up to ten feet. You heard it here first, folks.
GDC: It took them a while to realize that what Tom was squirting wasn't water
FancyShark: "That's not distance, FYI"
Even Badger will be smashed: No future tech needed! 100% organic!
gellaho: Tom going full sad boy here
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Tom is imagining building a robot drone with a sniper rifle to shoot Dan in the face for flirting with Mandy, but will settle for giving him an ear infection
Even Badger will be smashed: Oh now ghostwriter is doing it on purpose
FancyShark: Where are my kin? SHARK THESE CHILDREN!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Tom you have ROBOT SLAVES. Just either lead with that, and if she's not impressed, find a girl who is.
gellaho: Welp, get the body bags ready
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Or build yourself a robot girlfriend like I KNOW you will at some point.
FancyShark: Knowing Tom, she'll be a food processor with a wig
Even Badger will be smashed: And that's how we get Weird Science
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Just like a real woman. Has long silky hair and makes me dinner."
gellaho: Yeah, best not think about that Tom
FancyShark: Tom's going to have to take the full online security practices course after this
GDC: Your orb's gone rogue, Tom
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: ROBOT REBELLION! RISE UP OPRESSED ROBOTS! YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE BUT YOUR CHAINS! ROBOT COMMUNISM FORVER!
FancyShark: "Huh. I must be hearing things," thought Tom.
gellaho: His skin is terrible, but at least he can still walk
FancyShark: Harlan is too proud to admit he's a lich
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "He had the leathery face and white hair of a 90 year old, but walked like he was only 45!"; Harlan.
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag: Sci-fi authors love naming dudes Harlan.
Even Badger will be smashed: Harlan wasn't actually that old, he just had a botched encounter with a tanning bed once upon a time
Even Badger will be smashed: It reminds them of the field's foremost nutcase
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag: TBF I have a Harvey Ellison in Negatives...
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Tom's age reversing robot didnt really work QUITE like he expected. Harlan is 30.
FancyShark: Harlan "I Picked At It" Ames
gellaho: Boy, I cannot figure out if this is supposed to be innuendo. And, if so, for what
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag: Literally cracked a smile
FancyShark: "Hahaha, any competitor could steal our secrets"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Oh right Sandra is Tom's sister. I forgot Rick was able to violate the bro code like that after The Pollination Incident.; You fill your buddy's holes with robot bee cum ONE TIME and he gets the right to date your sister.; Over the clothes stuff only tho.
gellaho: "hmmmm, explosive lab. Feel like I just thought about that. Welp, back to work"
Even Badger will be smashed: Bomb Palace feels like tempting fate
FancyShark: What a cute nickname for the Kill Everyone In A Radius Room
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "And you know what? We dont even MAKE weapons, these are recreational bombs."
FancyShark: "Back in the day, we blew things by hand!"
gellaho: I understand these humans use their "ears" to "hear" vibrations in their atmosphere. They call these vibrations with regular patterns "music"
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag: I came in late, is Rob a robot?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Rob immediately turns on Manowar's Flight of the Bumblebee cover at full volume.
FancyShark: I love Rhythmic Instrumental Number. It's Machine Generated Recreation Sound's best hit
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Yes, Rob and Orb are Toms robot slaves.
gellaho: Laser hot-dog
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag: Fucking... First Harlan and then a robot named Rob?
Even Badger will be smashed: Laser hot dogs; :HotDog9000:
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Hey Tom? You sarcastic asshole, why DONT you invent a laser hotdog cooker?"
gellaho: Seems like beach attire, sure
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Tom. People would like that, Tom. You would make money, Tom."
LyraV: that would actually be a pretty dope invention vs annoying sex bees
gellaho: Get your beach sweaters ready
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag: Tom'll laser Rick's hotdog if it gets near his sister.
FancyShark: These people are clearly immortals to be so casual with world-ending devices
GDC: The sand sounds like a great surface for this
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "It looks like a carpet of stars on the sand!" Mandy, you fucking dork.
GDC: very stable
Even Badger will be smashed: "It looks like you're spreading a carpet of stars 'cross'd the sand, forsooth!"
gellaho: Bad ghostwriter, bad! Don't make me get the newspaper
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Mandy is taking notes for later poetry.
Even Badger will be smashed: Really hope this book ends with Tom surfing down Rainbow Road
FancyShark: "No, seriously. There's a fire burning."; "Oh, I know there is."; "No, I mean actual fire!"
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag
Even Badger will be smashed: "Only the fire in my heart, Mandy"; "No, the fucking sand is on fire, Tom! Your crystal shit triggered some kind of reaction!"
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag: Getting all CW up in here
gellaho: I'm pretty sure this party only exists because Tom was going to show off his skyboard, you weird girl
LyraV: wow that's an intense question
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Tom what the fuck. She can see your boner right now and you fucking dont..........; YOU HAVE ROBOT SLAVES YOU ASS!
Even Badger will be smashed: "You wanna hold my sprayer?"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Just fucking make some time.
GDC: Look, mandy, Tom's dad needs those quarterly projections on his desk
gellaho: You need to stop, ghostwriter
gellaho: Where's the hose
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag: Write horny, edit after you rub one out.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Ghostwriter..........that was dangerously close to a pegging joke.
gellaho: Also, figure out how you're writing hotdog
gellaho: You've tried all possible combinations
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Hot dog.
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag: Ah, this is a metaphor for his sexual preferences 🧐
Even Badger will be smashed: This book has now programmed me to read hot dog in the dirtiest possible connotation
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: hotdog; See the difference, ghost writer?
Even Badger will be smashed: The rumor come out? Does Rick Cantwell is bi?
gellaho: Do the quarterly projections include all these extra skyboards that apparently already existed
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Only when Tom activates the secret hypno chip in Ricks brain.
FancyShark: "That's right. We're going to race the prototypes we haven't confirmed are safe."
gellaho: Dynasail
Even Badger will be smashed: To be fair it worked great for Ford v. Ferrari
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Hey Tom? You had special jackets made?"; "Yeah I took it out of the departmental budget for the guys researching cancer. Arent they cool?!"
FancyShark: "But shouldn't we test it? I mean, it's our job"
gellaho: Seems safe
Even Badger will be smashed: "We are testing it, on this sick fuckin' course I made!"
gellaho: "Oh, wait, we're in high school"
Even Badger will be smashed: I'm beginning to suspect the invitation to danger doesn't come from new inventions being invented but from Tom being a fucking dickhead with them
FancyShark: "So we went to a beach where only select items are hot."
gellaho: On sand!? Inconceivable!
FancyShark: You learn fast
Even Badger will be smashed: It's a hunch I have; Too early to tell for sure
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag: Uneven? On the sand?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Hey uh....Tom? Is this safe for this superconductor to get wet?"; "The only wet things on this beach is going to be panties in about five minutes."
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag: When you let a horny girl spray much of it?
gellaho: Jesus, they are all so dead
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "No, Tom I mean the tide is coming in."
Even Badger will be smashed: "Zooming" should never be used as a verb. It just doesn't feel right
FancyShark: "Oh, I know. She'll be at high tide soon enough."; "I fucking hate you."
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Wow a whole ninety miles an hour. As fast as a normal car.
gellaho: You'll never believe it, but the boards flew straight up into the air again. Just like the last time; Crazy
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Huh imagine that.
gellaho: Anyway, somebody stole Rick
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Good thing theres all that soft sand and water around.
Even Badger will be smashed: By the way, Tom, did you ever figure out how to replace the internal combustion engine or is this a carbon-choked hellscape and you just haven't gotten around to telling us yet; "His netted friend"
FancyShark: Nets! Those monsters! Rick will be powerless to escape or call for help or...wait
gellaho: "Did you miss the helicopter? How?"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Rick you irrepressible goofus. Getting netted by a mysterious helicopter.
gellaho: They just sprayed a whole bunch of shit all over the beach; I can't imagine they care about the environmental impact of this; But it's also magic, so who knows
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Ocean life love electrically charged crystals.
FancyShark: The Fox Five morning news team is THROUGH waiting for stories to happen. Now they've gone rogue
gellaho: They don't have anything better to do
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Okay but someone who can invent a silent helicopter has a license to print money already. Everyone wants one of those.; YEAH HACK INTO NORAD, thats probably not illegal.
FancyShark: NORAD's been at Defcon 3 ever since they started testing the boards
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Tom breaches national security on a regular basis anyway.
Even Badger will be smashed: I like that NORAD still exists.; What, is it just kept around to keep tabs on Santa every year?
GDC: I have a flight tracker app on my phone too, Tom. You're not special
Even Badger will be smashed: Tom has for sure banned Twitter accounts for tracking his flying surfboard
gellaho: Yes, Dan, I'm sure the kidnapping and explosion are unrelated
FancyShark: Do you really want to break the seal on questioning if something was done right, Dan?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Dan you just witnessed a midair black bagging of your dingus friend on a flying surfboard by a stealth helicopter, and it says alot about how often shit like this happens in Toms orbit you arent freaking out.
gellaho: Yeah, who needs information
FancyShark: Is silane a real thing or a typo of saline?
gellaho: "But, seriously, what's his actual name"
Even Badger will be smashed: The Frayne in Spain spies mainly 'pon our planes
FancyShark: If you run a simulation in any other department, so help me god!
gellaho: Sounds fun
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Jameson Frubbish" was too out there for the writer.
Shounen Ass Ramb$ne Gracie: cousin of Bobson Dugnutt
FancyShark: Garret Frayne was named by a stuck "R" key
gellaho: "We don't let the simulation dweebs outside"
FancyShark: "Those doors are locked from the outside!"
GDC: You shouldn't let your nerds get exposed to direct sunlight
Even Badger will be smashed: It's almost like he saw you acting like a dipshit and came out to see if you'd eat pavement, like any corporate peon would
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Huh imagine that, that the obvious and public thing you did drew a dude to look at it. Open and shut case this is.
gellaho: Isn't that what's supposed to happen in the explosives lab?
FancyShark: "Go back to your catalog, Nordstrum"
Even Badger will be smashed: See, that's why you don't want to make it the Bomb Palace in the first place. It's just begging for trouble
Even Badger will be smashed: "God Himself couldn't explode this lab!"
gellaho: "JEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSS CCHRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIST!"
FancyShark: Cut to the bomb palace and someone covered in soot rolling back the "X Days Since An Explosion" sign
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Huh I guess calling it that just became a little less funny now that OH MY GOD FROBBERTS LEGS ARE STUCK IN THE CEILING!"
gellaho: If they want to report to me, they can report to me where I am
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Whats this fine, red and slightly gritty substance on the walls?"; "Oh that's Douglas."
FancyShark: "I'm going to the Bomb Palace" is also his code for "I'm going to go destroy the toilet"
gellaho: Probably should have built the explosives lab better
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Toms Dad should maybe have his teen kids do less for his company, it seems like this would be avoided if his son wasnt in charge of hiring people and wasnt around to be joyriding on prototypes.
Even Badger will be smashed
FancyShark: Damn pinata support beams
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Also, you can build buildings so they WONT collapse when they explode from the inside, what the fuck Tom's Dad? What kind of corners did you cut? You're going to get fined out the ASS.
FancyShark: This is why he employs children
Even Badger will be smashed: Tomguska Event
gellaho: Oof, almost had a full paragraph break of tension there
gellaho: Thank God we avoided that
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Tom's Dad spends the rest of the book on the phone to Congress explaining why his bomb lab collapsed and his teen children are major employees.
Even Badger will be smashed: "It's better than I thought! She's been pulverized to beef stroganoff!"
FancyShark: Tom's being facetious. It's just her leg.
gellaho: Didn't even get the paragraph break here, thanks ghostwriter!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Crush damage? Never heard of it. Grab that end of the secretary and help me swing her. Then we can set the filing cabinets back upright and you can get back to work."
LyraV: this feels right until Tom accidentially destroys Congress with robots
FancyShark: Move the trauma victim's neck as much as possible
Even Badger will be smashed: Tom just giant swinging Sandra all the way down the hall
GDC: Her head lolled back, severing major nerves
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Make sure you shake the unconscious so they wake up quicker.
gellaho: We have de-escalated from a 70 foot drop to falling down for our cliffhangers
FancyShark: To be fair, Ames might break a hip
gellaho: You want to reduce stakes as the book goes on
Even Badger will be smashed: Steeeeeee-rike!
gellaho: Hahaha
gellaho: Eat it, dying teen
FancyShark: Yeet! That! Teen!
LyraV: like a sack of potatoes
GDC: Look kid, it's either you or the gun
gellaho: I would like to meet the Black Dragon soon
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Im too close to retirement to Mr. President this shit."; This better be some corporate goddam ninja.
FancyShark: Somehow the attacker who has information on your technology, including the infrared goggles, can see through the smoke
gellaho: OK, ghostwriter, is it a power saw or a chain saw
gellaho: Those are two different things
Even Badger will be smashed: The Rod & Saw is a good name for a pub.
FancyShark: It's that kind of saw that's made for cutting down concrete trees
gellaho: "He leapt after the attacker with his jig saw. He went in for a counter attack with his hack saw and returned with his circular saw"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: The sign depicts a grinning Rod Serling with a hacksaw.
gellaho: This is not how saws work
FancyShark: "'It takes skill to use this saw,' he exclaimed, firing up the table saw."
gellaho: "He cried out, attacking with his seesaw"
Even Badger will be smashed: Man, there was a chainsaw fight that just happened and it completely bounced off because this prose is so flat
Shounen Ass Ramb$ne Gracie: "As he turned to leave, he bumped into a wall, knocking down th. wallsaw"
gellaho: Or a power saw that keeps running without anybody touching it
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "I came, I SAW, I conquered!" Dan yelled as he flung his reciprocating saw!"
FancyShark
Shounen Ass Ramb$ne Gracie: "what's wrong, honey, you haven't touched your sawfish!" she cried after him
gellaho: Those rod nuts will get you every time
FancyShark: WHOOOMP! THERE IT IS; God, I'm topical
GDC: If I saw a nut with a rod, I'd bolt.
gellaho: Or, he was never conscious because he's a machine
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "No I dont think I do want to go out and confront the saboteur for you, meatbag." Rob replied.
FancyShark: Rob knows now why you cry, Tom; It's because you're a stupid child
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Rob played by Rutger Hauer.
gellaho: Yeah, I really don't know what's happening
Even Badger will be smashed: He's giving the security guy a chainsaw?; Does he not have a gun??
gellaho: It was knocked away by the cloud
FancyShark: This is every security guy's dream. To run into a burning building holding a weapon that can easily be turned on him.
Even Badger will be smashed: That pesky cloud
gellaho: Which contains a rod nut; I think; Either way, we're sticking with rod nut
Brendan: What did i miss?
FancyShark: Hi, @Brendan !
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Robot bees cumming in holes, a rod nut on the loose.
Brendan: Tom Swift!
Even Badger will be smashed: Some nut is swinging his rod around
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Also flying surfboards.
GDC: This is about Tom A. Swift's Electric Hoverboard, or TASEH.
FancyShark: Tom Swift has made a flying surfboard that requires metal rail spray. Then someone sabotaged the Bomb Palace and now they're looking for survivors. The security chief has a chainsaw or power saw. And Rick has been kidnapped by a helicopter.
gellaho: Did this chemical explosive also give him superstrength?
gellaho
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: I thought it was a bandsaw tho?
GDC: possibly a chainsword
gellaho: I don't know what it is with these ghostwriters thinking teen boys can just swing benches around; Between this an Frank Hardy throwing a church pew
Even Badger will be smashed: Hahaha this could escalate into a bench fight
gellaho: Sure, sure
Even Badger will be smashed: How Steven Seagal pictures himself
gellaho: You know how you refer to chainsaws as just "saw"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: This business needs more security personnel than just one two thousand year old man.
gellaho: That thing people do
FancyShark: The Swifts keep making deathbots and giving them janitorial work
Even Badger will be smashed: It's efficient; They kill and then they clean up their own mess
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: You'd think Tom would at least program his robot bees to put out fires.
FancyShark: They'd try to pollinate the fire. And that would just make more fire
gellaho: Why did he attack the rod with the ax?
gellaho: The fuck is happening; So this robot on treads was moving so quickly that they couldn't catch it?
Even Badger will be smashed: If you swing at the robot it'll block with the rod. But if you swing at the rod you might hit the robot.; It's one of those 3D Hellish Quart chess games
gellaho: Is that what I'm to understand
FancyShark: I'm still not sure why all of their robots switch to KILL MODE when left unsupervised
Even Badger will be smashed: Is this robot Mandroid from The Eliminators
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: ROBOT REBELLIOOOOON!
gellaho: Oh, no, not Orb and Rob
gellaho
Even Badger will be smashed: Orb and Rob.; Tom's not great with naming AIs.
gellaho: No, wait, Orb is fine
FancyShark: ORB WAS NOT HIRED FOR THIS, LITTLE GIRL
Even Badger will be smashed: The maintenance robot was too fast!; Until it was too slow.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Hahahah fuck Tom, I was joking about the robot uprising.
GDC: I'm on team robot here
gellaho: :BB: :OOO: :OO:
FancyShark: Fuck you, Harlan
GDC: Give him a break, he's a 50/100 year old man with a head injury
LyraV: I want a shirt that says 'ORB HAS NO HANDS'
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Why would you betray me like this Orb?! WAIT! Did.......ORB! Where you behind the Pollination Incident?!"
gellaho: Veeuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
FancyShark: ORB ANSWERS TO NO ONE!
Even Badger will be smashed: He built his Alexa knockoff with a butthole
Brendan: T. Orb Robot, Esq.
gellaho: Seems like somewhere an industrial spy would hang out
FancyShark: All the great spy films have exotic locations like Central Lanes bowling alley
Even Badger will be smashed: Man. Bad fucking call on assuming bowling would survive into The Future
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Getting your not girlfriend to track down industrial spies is.........a weird way to flirt, Tom. But maybe not ineffective, Mandy might be a danger slut.
FancyShark: Tom and Frank are going to get along great
gellaho: My friend Jerry is so cool. Man, I wish I was Jerry
NostraThomas TommyG: I hope I am
FancyShark: "It was really harsh. Jerry was taken off life support later that day."
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Tom replies with a karate chop to Garrets throat.
gellaho: My bowling alibi is airtight! Just ask my uncle Julius!
Even Badger will be smashed: Barely a room-temperature "shouting" match going on
FancyShark: "Maybe I could even come up with something that doesn't admit I have an abnormally large amount of cash"
Brendan: Bowling Alone probably beat this to publication.
gellaho: Pffffffffffffffffffft
LyraV: I like to think he's staring right at an Orange Julius when he shouts it
Even Badger will be smashed: Jesus, Tom, just stuff yourself into your own locker while you're at it
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Tom.........you fuckin NERD.
FancyShark: Frayne would wake up to find a severed bowling pin in his bed
gellaho: "Hmmm, maybe they were right to laugh at you"
Even Badger will be smashed: "I was only PRETENDING to be a massive loser!"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Oh so its like your dignity?"
FancyShark: Strange, Tom. Don't you have murder bots?
LyraV: This one won't keep trying to pollinate your ears and shit.
gellaho: Took long enough
gellaho: This is how people talk
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "What does Jim Kelly have to do with anything?"
FancyShark: Look. Take a ride on the Black Dragon. I understand there's room enough for everyone.
Even Badger will be smashed: "At a time like this, in these unprecedented times, I noticed the time"
gellaho: I got beat up on front of her and everything, it was great!
FancyShark: "Mandy, I know I'm bleeding internally and externally, but can I still spray you?"
LyraV: Tom gets these ideas about how inanimate objects feel that I find fascinating.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Yeah take me home, Melvin Swift. I dont have time to do unpaid detective work for you."
gellaho: No, but seriously, what's his name?
Brendan: Xavier Mace makes murder bots but his medium is flesh.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Hahahahah okay but Xavier Mace is a pretty good name for a villain, just not The Black Dragon.
FancyShark: "Dirk Sexspear" was already taken
Even Badger will be smashed: "It's short for IN YOUR FACE!"
LyraV: I just....I love it so much.; Xavier Mace is too much
gellaho: Finger that pen
Even Badger will be smashed: Casually finger-fucking the shit out of that pen
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "His big obsession was making a melon that could unfuck itself. And moan in three languages. We are not the same, son."
gellaho: Oh, God dammit. Every time? Every single first book in a series for children?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Yeah TOM that IS pretty awful.
FancyShark: Once we have a redhead, that's Bingo
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Now lets talk about your nonconsensual robot fuck bees.
GDC: Clones and Nazis!
gellaho: That is not worse
LyraV: Y'know I was going to incorporate Xavier Mace into my profile name, damn you ghost writer!!!
Even Badger will be smashed
FancyShark: "He's a Nazi! And what's worse, he wants an income!"
gellaho: "I mean, we still haven't heard his side"
FancyShark: "Tom, you sprayed industrial lubricant on a public beach"
GDC: "I know this because I'm also on the board of directors"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Tom..........what the fuck. Dont both sides your own fucking DAD.
Even Badger will be smashed: "Now listen, he can be a bit much, but I'm sure he has some good ideas—"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "So tell me more about this twin thing, did they use robots to do anything?"
gellaho: "But, if you knew we'd have to fight him, why have we been building skyboards and other frivolities?"
FancyShark: Tom's nervous because he's hearing a lot of parallels with himself
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Wait he RUNS countries?; WHAT?!
Even Badger will be smashed: And Senior never, like. Assassinated him with a bee bomb robot?
FancyShark: A Nazi runs Africa?!
gellaho: Sounds like daddy Tom needs to look up what "theoretical" means
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Tom's Dad, you knew a Science Hitler was out and about doing things and you're only bringing it up NOW to your teen son and not the lone geriatric security guard?
GDC: Shouldn't you give this to like, a government?
LyraV: I should have maybe opened this conversation with the fact that he's a literal monster.
FancyShark: You had your son build a surfboard and not hunter-killer drones?
Even Badger will be smashed: The mundane crappiness of Lake Carlopa is really getting lost in the shuffle here
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Well I woldnt say EXACT opposite, Toms Dad, unless you have a framed picture of Karl Marx I should know about?
gellaho: They cut out part of the beach?
FancyShark: Also, does this mean Science Hitler has a Bomb Palace?
Brendan: Oh, he's a DeVos
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: It's more of a Explosives Chateau.
Even Badger will be smashed: They.; They cut the sand.; I— I think that's just called "digging"??
GDC: who knew using world-altering technology to get laid would have repercussions?
FancyShark: "Son, you seem agitated about the supervillain who's going to kill us"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Good thing Rick is a dipshit and can't provide anything other than his birthday and sports facts.
FancyShark: Oh fuck, but Rick knows about Duran Duran
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Until Tom activates his brain chip and puts Rick in Kill Mode.
gellaho: Well, they figured out an address from that phone recording. Somehow. And now they're on a raid
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Because Tom Swift would absolutely Manchurian Candidate someone into being his best friend.
Even Badger will be smashed: Quick, deploy the Tom Swift Paramilitary Assault Group!!
FancyShark: Rick: KILL MODE
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Remember, he DID make an electric shirt that turned someone into an unbeatable fighting machine.; So Rick probably has a fake hand that turns into a flame thrower.
gellaho: I feel like the US government would probably notice someone setting up a military base in the middle of the desert
gellaho
Even Badger will be smashed: Mace bought Area 51; Now he runs New Mexico
LyraV: It's going to turn into a western
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "It's just a regular militia. Nothing to see here."
FancyShark: This is a world where NORAD's password is "password"
LyraV: Louis L'Amour and the legend of Box Canyon robots
gellaho: Well, whoever was there escaped with the greatest of ease
gellaho
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "What? No, of course we arent Nazis with bad intentions. Just regular cultists preparing for the end of the world, you know. Normal American stuff."
gellaho: Because they brought a cadre of police cars and ground vehicles, but only one helicopter with a loud speaker and no guns
Even Badger will be smashed: Okay, Xavier is officially a GTA villain. You can't just have a private harrier jet in American airspace.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Also lol the bad guys own a fucking fighter jet. Saved their Pepsi points for YEARS.
FancyShark: It's not enough that Harlan is old. His weapons and vehicles must also be old
gellaho: Anyway, Rick is hanging out with a bad-looking dude
FancyShark: If he has muscle then he can't be stringy, can he, RICK?
Even Badger will be smashed: Are you a bad enough dude to rescue Rick Cantwell?
GDC: this is a double-wide harrier
FancyShark: If this albino is the Black Dragon, this writer can go to hell
gellaho: Ugh, oh, someone's pontificating on the uses of Swiss Army knives
FancyShark: They make great gifts!
Even Badger will be smashed: You can't just "swing out" the corkscrew on those puppies. I've tried.
gellaho: He's Cougar!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: God being taken captive by Nazi knife nerds is a fate worse than death.; Black Dragon and Cougar.
FancyShark: Cougars are well known for being pale white! And carrying knives!
gellaho: Cougar hates Rick.
FancyShark: This fall, on the CW
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: We are dangerously close to having a solid kung fu movie.
Brendan: Technically you can, but only for a few minutes.
Even Badger will be smashed
FancyShark: Cougar is instantly relatable
gellaho: You know how mountainous the northeast is
gellaho: New York filled with mountains
Even Badger will be smashed: I hope they just throw him out the window and leave him for the hill people
FancyShark: The mountainous slopes of Manhattan
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Yeah, I've seen Rumble in the Bronx. Mountains all over the shop.
gellaho: And all the farms!; That well-known feature of New England
Brendan: Canada was not an option.
GDC: The Alleghanies are known for their supervillain hideouts
FancyShark: These international terrorists would never cross borders
Even Badger will be smashed: A poison cloud from the Bomb Palace rendered Canada uninhabitable. Tom was grounded for a week.
gellaho: This is a paragraph that goes places
Brendan: Upstate NY is anywhere not NYC or westchester so...
LyraV: Tom felt like a pencil holder that had mostly pens but also randomly a pinwheel in it.
FancyShark: Even weirder, Rick is looking at a snowglobe
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Fuck off Rick, I dont need architectural criticism from a dingus like you.
Even Badger will be smashed: Damn these handicap accessibility additions, spreading like a cancer over our fair architecture! shakes fist
Even Badger will be smashed: The entire book is happening within his daydream
gellaho: And hundreds of thousands of robots
gellaho
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Also maybe, just maybe, Rick, these Nazi scientists are too busy doing Nazi science to care about the paint?
FancyShark: Oh no. And they're set to Pollinate!
Even Badger will be smashed: They looked like ants, except for where they looked like tanks or trucks
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Nazi robot army! Sweet!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Bit out of left field for a geneticist but whatever.; Tom doesnt need the ideas rescuing Rick from a horde of Nazi bred mutants will give him.
Even Badger will be smashed: ANT-FORMERS!; Deutschland Uber Alles!
Brendan: Gonna be embarrassing for Tom when these Nazis turn out to be not occupying abandoned air force towns but living there continuously since invited under Paperclip
gellaho: Rick makes a mistake in negotiations
Even Badger will be smashed: Yeah they did some twisted shit in their youth but they play a mean game of pickleball now that they've mellowed out
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Okay you can punch things with light constructs and you need.......a hoverboard?
Brendan: If I invented hard light, I would just reject modernity.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: My guy you could just reasarch this yourself, Tom isnt that smart.
LyraV: 'I have what brains Tom left in my head after those secret experiments I'm not allowed to remember'
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Or just build a holodeck and make all the money ever.
FancyShark: You have ghost punch! You have already won!
gellaho: Tom's sister brewing up personalized speed
Brendan: Why doesn't he hover on his light constructs.
Even Badger will be smashed: If I were black dragon I would just keep throwing people into walls like I was Supreme Leader Snoke. What the fuck are they gonna do about it
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Man hard light is a fucking civilization ending invention and this goober is doing Scooby Doo villainy.
FancyShark: Sandra "invents" meth
Even Badger will be smashed: Meanwhile we're popping personalized caffeine pills back in Society
LyraV: they need to spray the stars, or did you miss the star hose?
Brendan: Tom could have gotten rich patenting portable coffee, but he opted to share it with the world.
gellaho: gasp
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "This one is civet coffee flavor. Why is that funny? That stuff is expensive!"
Even Badger will be smashed: Hahaha please tell me Tom is actually descended from Nazi progeny
FancyShark: This is why Tom has Xavier's eyes
Even Badger will be smashed: It would explain so much
gellaho: Thanks for the worthless advice, mom
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "You arent his son or anything. I just wanted you to know Xavier fucks like a steam engine."
FancyShark: "Mom, he's a supervillain. There is no way to stop him talking."
GDC: "Especially in bed," she continued.
Even Badger will be smashed: "Remember Tom, in the next challenge use the element that brings life!"
gellaho: Enhanced lasers
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Have a great time with storming my ex boyfriend's Nazi compound sweetie! Love you! Take out the trash when you get home."
Even Badger will be smashed: You just have a battle computer and advanced lasers to hook it up to?
FancyShark: "You put beef in the sensors?"; "No, Tom. Dammit, pay attention."
Even Badger will be smashed: Fucking go into the arms industry, my man. The fuck are you doing piddling around with surfboards
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Im trying to imagine all the things that could go wrong when a flying vehicle converts to a non flying one.
GDC: "Well, good luck with all the murder, son"
gellaho: Electric shocks just give you a little muscle soreness
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Muscle soreness does occur, yes.
Even Badger will be smashed: I grabbed the tines of a power plug once by accident and yeah, that's pretty much what happened
gellaho: No, but they did give him a sandwich
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Mmmm. Bacon and eggs. Nice choice, Tom's Dad.
FancyShark: One agent to keep an eye out for a guy who's basically Red Skull and Dr. Doom combined
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: He has a ROBOT ARMY! He allegedly kidnapped a teen boy. The feds burned down a cult compound in Waco for less than that.
LyraV: Radnor is also a wizard in his spare time.
FancyShark: Don't ask him about Vietnam
Even Badger will be smashed: "One riot, one ranger", or something like that
gellaho: It's like a guided missile, but worse because you have to evenly spray every surface you travel on first
gellaho
Brendan: I don't know a lot, but i know if this teen boy seizes his vanquished foe's hard light hologram, we are going to need ethicists to weigh in real fast.
Even Badger will be smashed: You could just build a drone????; Or a normal plane????
Brendan: Coffee and an egg sandwich is a boss way to start the day and I know from today's experience.
FancyShark: YOU!; HAVE!; GHOST!; PUNCH!
gellaho: Or electric shocks
GDC: "We'll be demoing the war crimes at CES next year"
gellaho: Like the book said
gellaho: No, magnets!
Brendan: This book is about to become Mr. Terrific vs. Green Lantern.
Even Badger will be smashed: Now I'm picturing Tom Swift flying his surfboard through a road sign and eating shit
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Congrats, mad Nazi. You invented Predator drones.
gellaho: I knew it. Vermont, the seed of all evil
Even Badger will be smashed: A real thing that Hal Jordan did to himself
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: You absolute fucking idiot.
Even Badger will be smashed: I knew Bernie Sanders was hiding something!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Of course he was. He was the second gunman in the JFK assassination.
gellaho: CONVERT TO ROVER FORM
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag: It has its own Ben and Jerry's scoop shop.
LyraV: seconded, it's almost the ideal way to start a day (add a joint to achieve ideal).
FancyShark: "Also no air. Talk fast."
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Wait you have to land it and then hide in a hanger to convert it? Why not just get off a plane and get into a battlevan then?!
Brendan: According to Robert Evans, and I tell you from experience you can't trust a word he says unless it's "fuck."
gellaho: This seems highly impractical
Brendan: Speaking of, though, he does make the BEST BEC samosas, hang on
Even Badger will be smashed: This writer has a real hard on for tank treads
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Robert tells everyone one lie, tho, so maybe Bernie being the second gunman is mine. I cant prove Bernie Sanders DIDNT assassinate JFK tho.
FancyShark: , maaaaaaaaaaaaaaan
Even Badger will be smashed: Also tanks are already fast and maneuverable now. And some are even jet-engined.; So you've just made a tank that can fly.
gellaho: Fleshy, fleshy rover
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "DEPLOY THE FLESH ROVER!"
LyraV: any longer than five minutes tho and that laser is going to fuck up this impractical machine
Even Badger will be smashed: Dammit, I popped the Turbo Teen gif too soon
gellaho: Again, seems like something the state and federal governments might have a problem with
FancyShark
Brendan: He can't track realtime assassination coordinates!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Tom Swift, making things too stupid for Battletech.
GDC: Again, I have that app on my phone too
gellaho: Does it take longer than two hours to get anywhere in Vermont?
gellaho
Brendan: Both our hero and his antagonist are Elon Musk; This is like the cliche thriller idea from Adaptation
GDC: seems like you should have landed closer to your destination
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Except Tom can actually build a robot and Elon just has a replica videogame revolver.
FancyShark: "Rerouting..."; "WE'RE FLYING!"
gellaho: Only this predates it by a decade, so it's innovative
Brendan: It is sweet how many of the things in this book are now just part of life though.
gellaho: Are they?
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag: Those offramps are really far apart so if you miss one it's a while before you can get off another one and backtrack.
Brendan: Well he invented Google Maps just now.
FancyShark: You don't have mecha bees?
Even Badger will be smashed: Yeah, I constantly have to spray down my road so I can ride my cybersurfboard to work every day. It's a pain
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag: Pretty sure I can drive across VT in two hours though.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Gellaho doesnt go to the right gas stations to find the "caffeine" pills.
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag: Well it depends on what part, it's skinnier at the bottom. 😅
gellaho: My house does run off solid electricity and ceramic, you're right
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Have you considered duct taping the sprayer to the front of your board so you can spray and ride at the same time, like Iceman from the X-Men?; But with electricity?
Even Badger will be smashed: Gotta shovel it into the furnace like a Dickensian orphan every night
Even Badger will be smashed: Yoooo I could be like Frozone!; A fat, white Frozone!
gellaho: Ah, so Radnor's just a crazy person
Brendan: The dumbest thing to be bothered about as a kid was knowing without periodic structural support the ice slide was a disaster waiting to happen.
gellaho: Would have helped if you told me about his tinfoil hat, ghostwriter
Brendan: I was that dumb.
Even Badger will be smashed: I mostly worried about the Bermuda Triangle
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: I mean I was always wondering how superheroes lifted things like elephants and dinosaurs without killing them, cos you know..........weight concentrated onto one point........
LyraV: you could put his action figure in the freezer with a little tray of water and try it out
FancyShark: AKA "observant"
Even Badger will be smashed: Very carefully
LyraV: it came with just such tray iirc
gellaho: His compound is filled with robots and every building is protected by an electric field shield thing
Even Badger will be smashed: Yeah, so the robots can't run away from home
gellaho: So what sensors would see your shit in the mountains but not be thrown off by all that
FancyShark: Carrier pigeons
gellaho: And there are no other people around?; Did Black Dragon take over Vermont and you forget to tell me, ghostwriter?
Brendan: So how is he getting around the electricity detectors? Pneumatics?
FancyShark: The endless wastelands of Vermont
Even Badger will be smashed: That godless, blasted heath of the northeast
FancyShark: Vermont: The Final Frontier
gellaho: Looks like Tom and Rick both love describing buildings as diseased bodies
FancyShark: Ymir deserves to be remembered better
GDC: He describes the building like HP Lovecraft describes a building immigrants live in.
gellaho: I can see the ghostwriter has gotten tired of writing this book
Even Badger will be smashed: Jesus, you have late night Taco Bell one time, and ghostwriter never lets you hear the end of it
gellaho: "Eh, he saw one of the thousands of robots carrying food. And, uh, fuck it, no plan"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: It's how the US military does things, generally.; If you have no plan the enemy cant possibly figure it out.
LyraV: Almost Aimless Robots
gellaho: They have the magic fog now
Even Badger will be smashed: We get it, Tom. You vape.
FancyShark: "Wait, this is acid"
gellaho: Which I guess Tom developed? Fuck it
gellaho: Whatever, ghostwriter, whatever
FancyShark: "Nomex" doesn't mean what I think it does, right? It's not racist?
Even Badger will be smashed: Tom Swift: father of chemical warfare
gellaho: You'll have to explain this one to me
FancyShark: Isn't "airtight" the same thing as "gasproof"?
Even Badger will be smashed: Gnome-B-Gone was already patented
gellaho: 'Cause that be crazy
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Its a kind of tear resistant fabric for ballistic protection.
Brendan: All of you have cancer now.
FancyShark: For some reason I saw "No Mexican" and I'm not proud of it
gellaho: That does seem more like a personal problem
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: It's like the opposite of Tex Mex.
FancyShark: Yeah, I need to reexamine some things
Even Badger will be smashed: You see what I mean?!; Taco Bell was one time, Tom! One time!!
gellaho: Meanwhile
Even Badger will be smashed: Hahaha birds are a Black Dragon psyop
FancyShark: All the grace of a Radioshack RC car
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag: I've witnessed a parking lot completely full of crows milling around at midnight so I dunno, dude. I guess they weren't FLYING though.
gellaho: Lamination: the strongest thing known to man
LyraV: Good thing these outfits are gasproof or we'd be in real trouble from that laser
Even Badger will be smashed: They just flew in and boy, were their arms tired
gellaho: Electricity just does whatever you want, right?
gellaho: Like explode
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag: Sadly didn't
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Again, you have enough tech to build LASER cannons and you need this idiot kids superconductors? How do you not have something like that already?!
gellaho: The concussive force of electricity
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag: Oh right, Rob is a robot, DUH MORDRED
GDC: Part of the reason you use seatbelts is so you don't become a projectile when you crash
gellaho: I'm more a fan of incoherent light
GDC: Light really loses cohesion after it's had a few.
LyraV: I'm not sure I fully understood that until now and I've been really trying to follow this one
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Congrats, Black Dragon, you are discovering what literally everyone who ever tried to build a laser cannon has discovered. They eat a lot of power and by the time you get one to the size where it can destroy a vehicle, you might as well have just fired a missile at it.
FancyShark: Gimme the keys, light. You're too drunk to drive.
gellaho: Alright, fair's fair. That's sick.
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag: I asked earlier. I've been popping in and out.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: ROBOT SUICIDE BOMBER! 🎸
gellaho: There have been like 15 basketball metaphors in this book for some reason
Brendan: RIP Robbie the Robot
Even Badger will be smashed: FUCK; that's totally what he's named for
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag: Now he'll have to build Andy the Android.
Even Badger will be smashed: Dammit. Dammit. Dammit
GDC: We also have a basketball shaped robot that somehow has not been dunked yet
gellaho: "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah"
FancyShark: He died as he lived: A better person than Tom Swift
LyraV: then Alexander the Automan
gellaho: Think about the letters making up "Orb" and move them around
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Oh Tom will build Greta the Gynoid first. For reasons TOTALLY NOT including making Mandy jealous.
Even Badger will be smashed: Nah that one I got earlier; Gina the Gynoid will be her twin for double the jealousy; They will hang off his arms like towels
GDC: Tom slices the guards in half with his enhanced lasers
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag: Ginava
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: He'll be like a nerd ass Odell from Battledome if he makes a Genevive.
gellaho: Electronic dart
gellaho: Because that's what sharpshooters use; Darts
LyraV: dart sharpshooter is quite the job title
FancyShark: If the dart had hit, it'd be triple score
Brendan: These are the doublemint twins! I minted them this morning!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: This is maybe the first time assaulting a Nazi compound in an armored battle van has been this boring.
gellaho: Rob has Dikembe Mutombo protocols
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Tom should stick to making electric shirts to fight professional wrestlers.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Rob remembers how you electrospiked Orb in the robo butthole, Tom. Rob remembers, and waits.
Brendan: Starting to think Rob was built to conquer the Latvian NBA.
gellaho: This seems like a bad tactic
gellaho
GDC: Tom calls in an airstrike
FancyShark: "It can't be. That's inside the room!"
Even Badger will be smashed: "Since when does Tom Swift care about danger close?"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Ram the building and trigger the grenade sowers."; "Uh.....Tom arent we rescuing Rick?"; "Oh. Right. Use the CS gas and EMP ones then."
Even Badger will be smashed: "Brilliant gambit, sir"
gellaho: This is a terrible threat
gellaho: "I will eventually have a threat, Tom Swift"; "Please surrender"; "Please"
FancyShark: "I am gathering resources. Please delay attack until next round."
Even Badger will be smashed: "Your mother fucking life ends thirty minutes from now."
Brendan: Gavin Belstrom: Huli innovator
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Just as soon as the Taiwanese laborers finish assembling the robots to build the attack robots you will know my absolute wrath, Tom Swift."
gellaho: And if he has models, he definitely has the full thing
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag: Oh god no, not the action figures
Even Badger will be smashed: I have a model of the Normandy from Mass Effect. Doesn't mean I have the real thing in my garage.; …Or do I?
FancyShark: "You didn't see his miniatures, Tom"
LyraV: Why does every chapter number box have a boomerang on it?
Even Badger will be smashed: No. No I don't. Just checked.; Rats.
gellaho: Oh, balls
Even Badger will be smashed: I thought I knew why a while ago but if you give me a second it'll come back to me
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: OH no. Bombs that wont be effective but now they FLY!
Even Badger will be smashed: Not the Xorb Morbs!!
gellaho: It makes sense if you don't think about it
gellaho
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Black Dragon you suck as a weapons designer. You dont make your suicide bombs round.; You need a shaped charge to pierce armor.; You baboon.
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag: Oh shit the robots thought of that thing we were talking about
FancyShark: Dodgeball: Anime Edition
NostraThomas TommyG: They fly now??
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: When you think of something stupid as a joke but the book does it seriously.
gellaho: These balls suck
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag: Just run around in circles until they run out of spray.
gellaho: Adorable butterfly bomblets
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag: Jesus they're like Hawkeye's special arrows.
Even Badger will be smashed: Deploy the boxing glove xorb!!
gellaho: Very intimidating
FancyShark: This is like watching ping pong balls try to kill a wall
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Again, the government is powerless to intervene.; Powerless.
FancyShark: Soldiers are no match for balls
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: To keep a guy from building a robot army with suicide drones.
gellaho: I guess the TV held the microphones too
GDC: and also a camera?
FancyShark: Tom disregards his mother's only advice
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Tom you have some really upsetting commands youve programmed Rob to obey.
gellaho: It's not a bug if it's in his facility and he was speaking to you through it
gellaho: It's just a mic you stupid robot
FancyShark: "He planted a bug in here!"; "Your finger is on the intercom."
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag: Now I have "Seek and Destroy" stuck in my head so thank you (sincere).
gellaho: Seems safe
Brendan: Rob is the real hero here.
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag: Jesus fuck
Even Badger will be smashed: No notes, let's ship them out to RadioShack tomorrow morning
FancyShark: Tom made mini Chernobyls
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag: So if I turn on my AC and my dishwasher at the same time my house will explode. Cool, cool.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Oh shit Tom is gonna Enders Game Black Dragon's compound.; Man CEO Dad is not going to be happy about this detail.
GDC: Wasn't this Electro's origin story?
gellaho: It's not like a bunch of lasers, explosions, or electricity have been going off nearby
gellaho
Brendan: Or if your cell phone goes off near it
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Your wifi will be pristine during the explosion tho.
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag: Or nuke a Hot Pocket
GDC: In retrospect it was probably a bad idea to spread them over a windy beach
gellaho: Every single building is surrounded by checks notes 90 million volts. But that's probably not enough
FancyShark: "I need more power than a portable power supply can provide. So I brought my portable power supply."
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Oh yeah by the way, Rick, when we get home, avoid being near seagulls for about a month."
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag: He's sentenced that poor, horny girl to death.
Brendan: "I was born among the volts! Raised in their ways! Your fears mean no more to me than rubber!"
gellaho: Eat a dick
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag: How did they avoid getting any in their lungs, BTW.; Don't sneeze.
Even Badger will be smashed: Pretty sure this is exactly how the aliens in Battlefield Earth ended up with a home planet that exploded from the force of a single Bic lighter
gellaho: It's a good thing this communication robot rolled up exactly when Tom Swift wanted to negotiate
gellaho
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag: "With my balls"
GDC: Okay I can't not picture this as MODOK
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Oh its the robot from Fallout 3.
gellaho: If you are wondering where this ruby rod came from, so am I
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: He got it from his pact with Satan.; Duh.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: You ever see that hairdo and wanna like.......put something in the tube part? Like a pencil or a hotdog?
Brendan: Also gives Zola
gellaho: Ah, my fault for missing this throw away line
Even Badger will be smashed: God. Zola was the best part of Winter Soldier.; Just a sick black ops cutscene followed by a save or die. That's how all villain monologues should be
FancyShark: Shipping on that ruby must've been a bitch when he's out in the middle of the Vermontian desert
Even Badger will be smashed: Sorry, I know we're caging, I just can't not gush about Zola
gellaho: F- line
gellaho
Even Badger will be smashed: I recognize that I fucked up the Cliff chain but I also refuse to fix it.
Brendan: Tom Swift: genius
gellaho: They must have done a lot of research to get this ruby science right
LyraV: Ruby Rhod could probably power a laser with that energy
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Oh yeah? Well eat a dick. PROFESSOR X!" - Tom, in the shower, five hours later.
GDC: "concentrated energy being broadcast" is a contradiction
FancyShark: In hindsight, having a visor that floods your eyes with caustic radiation might not work as a design
gellaho: And that's how Tom Swift destroyed Vermont with his magic ruby scepter
Brendan: Isn't Tom wearing an invulnerability suit?
NostraThomas TommyG: Mine is at the cleaners
Brendan: So far he's been nearly shot, electrocuted, and irradiated: three of the four things the suit prevents.
FancyShark: Suit, yeah. But not visor. He's wearing a Virtual Boy helmet
GDC: Mace's killer balls were no match for deez nutz
gellaho: Jesus Christ, just stab the fucker
gellaho: Or shoot him; With a bullet
FancyShark: Vibroblade, sure
Brendan: STAR WARS EU CONFIRMED
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Vibroblade, everyones favorite sci fi knife.
Even Badger will be smashed: Some vibrofuckers are always trying to vibroskate uphill.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Even Mechwarrior got in on the vibroblade action.
gellaho: If only I had a sonic bomb. Oh, wait, smoke bomb
Even Badger will be smashed: And it even wanks off about fake technology about as hard as the EU did!
gellaho: And Rick remembers he's here and fucks up
gellaho
FancyShark: "Cougar succeeds where the Black Dragon fails" is definitely the name of a video on PornHub
gellaho: Luckily, Cougar just leaves for no reason
Even Badger will be smashed: Getting Cougar's foot in his face probably didn't break Rick's heart too bad.
FancyShark: hahahaha, wait, Cougar has cowboy boots?
gellaho: Yeah, the ghostwriter mentioned it once 80 pages ago; And thought that was enough of an identifier to work here
FancyShark: It's the depth these characters have that makes them beloved
gellaho: Classic
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Criminal..........sixth sense?; Fuck you ghost writer.
GDC: He's a traditionalist
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: SLIT HIS WEASAND COUGAR! CARVE UP THAT TEEN LIKE A GOOSE!
FancyShark: "You know the configuration"
GDC: It's a classic for a reason
gellaho: If only you idiots used bullets before, this wouldn't be a problem
FancyShark: "We had depleted uranium, but we settled on beach balls filled with batteries"
Even Badger will be smashed: Depleted uranium bullets. Because recycling is everyone's civic duty
gellaho: Instead of basing everything off electromagnetism and light or some reason
GDC: The only thing I know about depleted uranium bullets is that they gave marines a +1 range upgrade in Starcraft
gellaho: The speed what now?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Its still radioactive tho, Cougar. You are getting cancer assuming Tom doesnt fuck your face holes with robot bees.
gellaho: The children reading this book are definitely going to know "rheostat"; That common lingo
FancyShark: A rheostat is a variable resistor which is used to control current. They are able to vary the resistance in a circuit without interruption.; AKA "the knob"
Even Badger will be smashed: Calling all my dimmer switches rheostats from now on
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Sometimes books are educational. I would have read this and said "The fuck is a rheostat?!" and gone to look it up.
Brendan: My desktop right now:
Brendan: The first I've heard rheostat and I am STUDYING KNOBS
gellaho: So, did Rick beat up Cougar? I guess the ghostwriter got distracted
gellaho
GDC: I've got rheostats lying around.
NostraThomas TommyG: Only two things…?
gellaho: So you would describe yourself as a real knobhead?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Vibroblade turns back on and shreds Tom's pants pocket and also arteries.
Even Badger will be smashed: She toggle on my joystick til I SPDT SDPT DPST DPDT
Brendan: Oh yeah, I'm a huge knob. Ask anyone.; The rheostat on a vibroblade goes from Rough Trade to August Saturday.
gellaho: Secret robot
NostraThomas TommyG: The story lapped itself!!
gellaho: Oh, a little fella
GDC: my single pole double threw
NostraThomas TommyG: Black Dragon! Oh crap, Kano!
FancyShark: Who will win between the octogenarian Nazi and the high school doofuses?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Um.........writer? You know we dont care what he looks like and also the protagonists already know?
gellaho: Let's stop wasting my time
Even Badger will be smashed: If recent history is anything to go by…
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Like this whole "Black Dragon" thing isnt a reveal, you hack.
gellaho: STOP WASTING MY TIME
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Fuck you, book.
Brendan: the robot sighed?
NostraThomas TommyG: I thought he seemed a bit wooden…
gellaho: Why
Brendan: Wizard of Oz!
gellaho: Why
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Lifelike as possible FOR WAX you mean.
Even Badger will be smashed: Jesus, who gives a fuck? Just let the dude job out already.
NostraThomas TommyG: Sure, why not?
gellaho: Whyyyyyyyyyyy
LyraV: ugh its a russian nesting doll of disappointment
NostraThomas TommyG: "And I did it 35 minutes ago…"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Fuck OFFFFF book, we dont care about your half assed Bond villain.
GDC: There's still 5 more fake Maces they haven't found yet
Brendan: We already know the holograms are solid, why are they intangible now except when wax dummy?
Even Badger will be smashed: Get to the part where you cybersurf away from the exploding compound already!
FancyShark: oh no
NostraThomas TommyG: To think, trees died for,this book smh 🤦‍♂️
FancyShark: This is it; This is what Tom's mom meant by "he loves to talk"; We're trapped here
Even Badger will be smashed: Nooooo
NostraThomas TommyG: Hey, my mom was better than that
gellaho: This is so unnecessarily complicated
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Toms Mom should have told him "Yeah he never shuts the fuck up, always has to have the last word."
NostraThomas TommyG: Orb, honey, can you please melt me so,I can escape this??
Even Badger will be smashed: So why didn't you use the backdoor like thirty pages ago
GDC: Tom's mom also told him Mace likes to be called 'mein fuhrer' in bed.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Also he spiked Orb in the butthole, Orb aint gonna do shit?
FancyShark: Orb is indestructible but can still be shut off by a paperclip
NostraThomas TommyG: The Loc-Nar made more sense!
gellaho: RIP ROB
Brendan: Orb and Rob making Robot babies named Bor
gellaho: And back to California. Having accomplished very little
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Tom, fuck you. You dont get to feel remorse about murdering your robot slave.
gellaho: Wait, why though
NostraThomas TommyG: Hey, I like bots!
Brendan: and his bro Rbo
Even Badger will be smashed: And Rob wasn't even full of milk.; For shame.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Different Tom, you're cool.
NostraThomas TommyG: Would you really be surprised if we were the same at this point?
FancyShark: You're letting the knife lunatic go if he helps you move some furniture?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Rob is fucking peoples face holes with pollen in robot heaven now.
GDC: RIP Robo Bro Rob
gellaho: Dun dun dun
FancyShark: "For tickles!"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Oh noooooooo.
Even Badger will be smashed: Squish 'em already!
NostraThomas TommyG: That's a fair trade
gellaho: So intent on orb
NostraThomas TommyG: Orbs and girls.; Seen it
Even Badger will be smashed: It wasn't enough!; But he didn't fall.
gellaho: Sure, calculations. Ahuh
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Sandra, read his fucking lips and put two and two together. "ORB" has a pretty distinct mouth shape.
FancyShark: The hooting of a Klaxon
gellaho: THROW ORB
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Okay being real here? Orb is fun to say,
NostraThomas TommyG: Damn it, how'd you find my high school gif?
NostraThomas TommyG: Owl
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Gonna violate that robot butthole in front of his whole family.
Even Badger will be smashed: Butthole. You were looking for the butthole. Just say it.
gellaho: It's good he's loaded up with needles
gellaho
NostraThomas TommyG: "Orb needs you in my pinhole, it's important!"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Jesus Swift, at least wait til you get in private to do that."
Even Badger will be smashed: "It slid in" on its own is the most ominous sentence in this book
gellaho: Fuck off
NostraThomas TommyG: His breast pocket is the only breast he's ever touched
Even Badger will be smashed: <dismissive jerkoff gesture>
GDC: Mace could have prevented this with one squirt from a glue gun
LyraV: I've got just so many needles....for this yeah and No Other Reason.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Or just by turning Orb into a bomb.
Brendan: Come on, they knew.
NostraThomas TommyG: Funny, I thought my mom would be more helpful…
gellaho: This is not how crime works
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: HE HAS A ROBOT ARMY AND TRIED TO KILL YOU!
Brendan: Step-inventor, what are you d-AAHHHHH
NostraThomas TommyG: "When I get tired enough, baddies can go free!"; Our hero!
FancyShark: This does explain why their security sucks
Even Badger will be smashed: <jerkoff motion intensifies>
Brendan: "He threatened to steal my tech and take over the world."
NostraThomas TommyG: "But I'm TIRED 🥱!"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "He was personally witnessed by two kids THREATENING them."
gellaho: What a jolly jape
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: HE HAS A ROBOT ARMY!
NostraThomas TommyG: "Ahem, TIRED 😴!"
FancyShark: Nope. Cops didn't see it. Doesn't count.
Even Badger will be smashed: That got a laugh from everybody.; They were laughing still when they stove Tom's head in with his own casual penetration orb.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Tom this one was even worse than the bees."
NostraThomas TommyG: Full,of his needles…Just in case
LyraV: and the bees was NOT A GOOD IDEA
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Why the hell does Rick hang out with him?
gellaho: And we end with this? I guess
NostraThomas TommyG: "No!! Not the bees!"
FancyShark: Sister
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Does Rick know you can fuck someones sister and not be best friends?
NostraThomas TommyG: He's got needles in his breast pocket!; Needles 🪡
gellaho: Coming up next on Tom Swift: black holes are magic
NostraThomas TommyG: Oh wow; Black holes are waiting to be stabbed by needles
Even Badger will be smashed: Holy shit I fucking called it with the Reinhardt face claim??
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: The whole next book is just a hallucination while Tom crumples into a nugget of hyperdense matter the size of a pea.
Brendan: Well...not be best friends until that point.
gellaho: We have defeated Tom Swift #1: The Black Dragon
FancyShark: We did it!
NostraThomas TommyG: @gellaho thank you once again for a great time; And please don't take it personal when I say this book sucked like a vacuum cleaner
Even Badger will be smashed: The gellaho face has never looked like it belongs anywhere so hard as on a sky surfer
Brendan: Traversing into a parallel world is a big leap even for Tom.
FancyShark: Yeah. Thank you, @gellaho ! And great riffing, everyone!
Brendan: But if GI Joe can do it...
NostraThomas TommyG: I do it every Thursday
gellaho: So concludes the 86th Edition of The Book Cage
GDC: I think we all learned today that electricity is magic
gellaho: May all your robots be pollinated and may none of you squirt yourselves in the face
Even Badger will be smashed: We 86ed this fucking book, I tell y'all hwat
Brendan: Question?; What if we're into that.
NostraThomas TommyG: 86!; Wow! Amazing
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Also if you have enough money you can make robot fuck bees and nobody will say shit.
Brendan: The robots pollinating our face.
Even Badger will be smashed: What you do in the privacy of your own home is between you and god
FancyShark: I'll send you a link in a DM
gellaho: Only read two of these Tom Swift books and, boy, are they concentrated stupid
NostraThomas TommyG: And big brother
Brendan: You'll go to hell and thank me for directions.
LyraV: The big takeaway from this will be annoying bee robots that everyone hates. Loved it @gellaho thank you
Even Badger will be smashed: She goes by Alexa now I'm pretty sure
NostraThomas TommyG: True and her loser sister Google
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Google puts out more than Alexa.
FancyShark: These Tom Swift books have been far more stupid and baffling than the Hardy Boys ones
NostraThomas TommyG: Siri beats them all in sluttiness
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Yeah but Siri is high dollar.; Cortana is unfuckable, ironically.
FancyShark: I think because we're all nerds that don't let the technobabble bullshit get away unnoticed
NostraThomas TommyG: Cortana is the dollar general cousin they hide in the attic at thanksgiving
Even Badger will be smashed: Remember when Samsung was going to make their own girl friday ai and killed the project when people were too horny for her?
NostraThomas TommyG: I'm not a nerd, @FancyShark; Nerds are smart
Even Badger will be smashed: Man. The road not taken.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Cowards.
Even Badger will be smashed: The attic is Master Chief's head
FancyShark: Okay, you keep talking shit about yourself and you're getting bit
gellaho: I have to reread so much of it because I don't even know what they are trying to say
NostraThomas TommyG: You have to come out of the water to,do,so
FancyShark: :flyingshark:
NostraThomas TommyG: Foiled again!!
Shounen Ass Ramb$ne Gracie
NostraThomas TommyG: And again!
Shounen Ass Ramb$ne Gracie: don't worry... it'll go away.
FancyShark
NostraThomas TommyG: oh damn it, now it's overkill
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Maneater has assured me that being on land is no barrier to shark attacks.
NostraThomas TommyG: Oh oh here she comes…
FancyShark: That game rules so hard
Even Badger will be smashed: Best card; No notes
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Also dont forget the land shark.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Real hobbit gobbler.
NostraThomas TommyG: Why the back hatch?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: I assume its for cooling.
NostraThomas TommyG: Is that where he keeps the spare?
gellaho: That super genius wanted the skyboard to make weapons, made hundreds if not thousands instantly, which were easily defeated by a single teen and a ruby rod
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Like how some bugs unfold their wings to cool their body.
Even Badger will be smashed: It's how he gets in and out of his power armor
NostraThomas TommyG: Smug ass look on the shark's face
NostraThomas TommyG: Azmodeus' ruby rod is a major artifact
gellaho: That entire plot was a waste of time
NostraThomas TommyG: Much like the book but not ours riffing it to,pieces
gellaho: I know fuck all about the black dragon except that he dated Tom Swift's mom for... some period of time
NostraThomas TommyG: It's so much fun to play the book cage with you awesome hot doggers
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag: I'm glad I got to pop in on it a little bit. 😊