86: 1 The Black Dragon Victor Appleton

#1 Tom Swift

Tags: The Year of Pain

Every new invention is an invitation to danger.

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gellaho
The Book Cage Episode 86 - Tom Swift #1: Black Dragon
This would normally be where we'd have hela teen mystery cool down, but unfortunately this is the year of pain. Our suffering this week involves teen genius/moron Tom Swift in his first radical reinvention. Enjoy his extreme stunts on a skyboard which can somehow take over the world? I don't know. But Xavier Mace, aka The Dragon, knows! This Friday, 5PM eastern, fire superconductors at the laser-zapping hologram!
gellaho
Even Badger will be smashed
haha wait as in Tom Swift from like the 1910s?
gellaho
The taser boy himself
Ozzie
Tom Swift who just got a CW series last year evidently.
Unknown at this time how radical a reinvention that is.
gellaho
This is also a lead up to the Tom Swift/Hardy Boys Casefiles crossover books which include The Black Dragon
FancyShark
Room enough for everyone
gellaho
A little over an hour until Tom Swift #1: The Black Dragon. Here is your preview, skyjackers
FancyShark
Helicopters are known for their whispering
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Mostly whispering things like "I like your sweater."
Even Badger will be smashed
Thank goodness Rick was able to instant transmission away before the net could take him
Also, "sky jacking" :FuckApe:
LyraV
Attack helicopters and skyboarding? This is sure to be quite radical to the Xtreme.
FancyShark
Baseball caps might even be worn backwards!
Agent of Fortune
I don't know how I feel about that
LyraV
Skyjacking? Me neither.
Sounds intense.
gellaho
Let us begin the eXtreme process
Even Badger will be smashed
Man, it's real hard to look like you give a shit about anything on a flying surfboard.
gellaho
Tom Swift's first adventure begins with those immortal words we all remember
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
That jacket better have a sweet Chinese dragon on the back or we are being cheated.
Even Badger will be smashed
Tom, I'm sorry, but you've been a geek since as long as you were invented.
FancyShark
"Tom, just tell Santa what you want for Christmas. Don't make this a whole thing."
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
He said as he straightened his pocket protector.
gellaho
!
FancyShark
:nerds:
Even Badger will be smashed
Tom may dress like a dork but he's not the one going "ner-r-r-r—" in public, Rick
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Aw man this safety equipment makes me look like I care about keeping my brain in my skull like some kind of melvin."
FancyShark
That control panel controls Rick's oxygen
Even Badger will be smashed
Haha that last paragraph makes it sound like he's giving a robot a titty twister
Agent of Fortune
I assume we're in The Future?
gellaho
Um, electromagnetism, actually
FancyShark
We are not
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Electromagnetic carpet comes standard on all future Fuckvans.
Even Badger will be smashed
"Why, this is merely superconductor electromagnetism, Guile!"
LyraV
They should have called him Rick Canteven amiright?
FancyShark
Fuckin' electromagnets. How do they work
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
MAGIC CARPET RIIIIIIIIDE! A WHOOOOOLE NEEEEEW WOOOOOOOOOORLD!
Agent of Fortune
the hell you say
gellaho
Sounds like the nerd calling the dork dweeb, Rick
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I mean its a pretty good question Tom.
Even Badger will be smashed
They were as good a team as a quarterback tossing to his pass receiver to score a field goal
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Better scientists than you have said "Hey how fast can we make this idiot go?"
FancyShark
Last time, Rick was put on an iron lung because Tom pissed off an angry ginger special ops guy
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Strap a chimp to that thing and crank the throttle wide open.
gellaho
Probably 5 mph more than 70 I would say
LyraV
I just now clocked the cover says 'every new invention is an invitation to danger' 😆
Even Badger will be smashed
It's a very "we live in a society" sort of observation
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
He's making the Messerschmitt Komet of surfboards, hopefully.
gellaho
"I don't understand why everyone is looking at me on this rad skyboard!"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
That's nerd talk Tom.
GDC
The electromagetic field instantly kills anyone with a pacemaker.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Real cool teens WANT people to gaze up at them in awe at their godlike prowess.
gellaho
"More heavy duty than a flower pot? Get out of town!"
Agent of Fortune
lean AND handsome
GDC
Ceramic is known for it's ability to conduct electricity
FancyShark
"I call it Ceramic 4. Or 'C4' for short"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Someone replies to this explanation of ceramic superconductors with "Well. I'll be a monkey's uncle. Imagine that."
gellaho
A barrage of cream pies
FancyShark
Rick was so amused he didn't even notice the steel wire until his head was off
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"TEEN BOY INVENTS SKYSURFING, LOVES CREAMPIES!" the headlines will read.
GDC
What about us on a wave?
gellaho
I wonder how Tom is going to get out of this mess
Even Badger will be smashed
Tom Swift, are you in the discord now?
Reveal yourself, spirit!
FancyShark
Oh no! Will he...switch it back on?!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"MAGNETO! I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN!"
Even Badger will be smashed
What a great invention, that a "random magnetic blast" can fuck it up so hard
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Also his idea of safety is apparently "Loose stirrups that dont connect me to the board securely."
gellaho
Yeah, this definitely won't hurt from a 70 foot drop
GDC
Really, this is his own fault for testing an experimental hoverboard without a harness
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
The illegal skysurfers in Judge Dredd had better safety lines.
Even Badger will be smashed
Hahaha it runs off fucking Knightmare technology?
The second this dude steps into a room with a gap on either side he is fucked
Also "huge white sacks"
gellaho
Hmmmm, my robot is trying to kill me. I better quicken my fall so I kill myself before he can
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"TECHNICIANS PUSH AROUND TEEN BOYS SACK!"
EXTRA EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT!
gellaho
Huge White Sax was the name of my jazz album
Even Badger will be smashed
Tom is the kind of guy to throw his last life off the edge of the stage in Smash while shrieking "You didn't win!"
Even Badger will be smashed
I like that the print industry has still survived The Future
FancyShark
Tom continues to build robots he can't predict but that hate him
Even Badger will be smashed
It feels telling somehow
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Tom is an edge guarding piece of shit when he plays Smash.
gellaho
Suck it, robot
Even Badger will be smashed
Fuck you, expensive prototypes!!
LyraV
Maybe he's making them betray him so he can explode their heads guilt free? I could be wrong.
FancyShark
"Golly, that sure was an entire department's annual budget!"
GDC
Chapter 3: Tom Swift answers to his shareholders
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Hahahaha neat." Tom said.
gellaho
"I should probably be dead!"
FancyShark
For those who missed the first book, Tom is also the son of a billionaire CEO of a tech company
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"WHAT? RICK< YOU HAVE TO SPEAK UP! THE SHOCKWAVE FROM THE EXPLODING CUSHION HAS MADE ME TEMPORARILY DEAFENED!"
gellaho
Yum, glowing powder
LyraV
That's a very specific thing to wonder about.
FancyShark
Meanwhile, an entire fleet of cars are shipped without airbags
"Breathe in that fiberglass dust"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"No......Tom. We can't just sweep it up, we need to know if its like radioactive or what?"
gellaho
Yes, this seems safe to handle
GDC
"Why did we make the robot out of radium?"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Tom, did you just give a hundred odd bystanders and technicians cancer?"
LyraV
Did the earlier tests end in dust? You should have mentioned that.
Even Badger will be smashed
Tom Swift: RobCo Certified
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Tom quit playing with your fucking science dust and help us with the OSHA forms."
gellaho
This ghostwriter cannot decide if Tom or his dad invented this
FancyShark
The doomsday clock clicks a minute closer to midnight every time Tom has an adventure
Even Badger will be smashed
"Putty brown insulation" has never once created an appealing mental image
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Tom is probably his own dad via time travel.
gellaho
Yeah, Rick seems like he should be trusted with top secret information
Even Badger will be smashed
And two of those hands were dead
gellaho
Just great security
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Tom's because he's the inventor, Dad's because he owns the fuckin place, and Rick's because it would be hilarious if he got superpowers from science goop."
GDC
Good thing no one else knows about Hungry Like the Wolf.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Also fuck you Tom, Duran Duran?
FancyShark
"But to answer your question, knives. Knives everywhere."
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
My dad doesnt even like Duran Duran.
gellaho
"How does the robot still work independently without its data module? Don't ask questions"
FancyShark
Bro was the cool robot. It left as soon as Tom switched it on.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Their two personalities made it really hard when Tom combined them into Roborb, the Machine Bird."
FancyShark
Nothing ominous about robots modifying themselves
gellaho
Dorks with their washable graffiti
gellaho
Even Badger will be smashed
It works on C-3PO logic. You can just plug that head bit into anything and it'll still work
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"What? No of course not Rick. Skynet is fictional."
FancyShark
Tom, just buy a whiteboard
gellaho
I see you've figured out genius teen Tom Swift's naming scheme
GDC
Tom's brilliant inventions so far this book: room-temperature superconductor, artificial life, and the dry erase marker
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Brorb is the levitating robot orb brother he made for himself. Probably didnt need to shoot tranq needles and have a built in Tesla coil weapon.
gellaho
Hmmm, gross
gellaho
LyraV
Well and you don't want to swat robots
That seems illogical
FancyShark
Tom made sexbots, but not the kind people wanted
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Leave it to Tom to make robots cum in peoples holes without consent.
GDC
They're as good at recognizing plants as teslas are at recognizing toddlers
Even Badger will be smashed
"Bumblebee! Stop lubricating pollinating the man!"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Yeah logically you'd build a robot to do it for you.
Some kind of robot wasp to get rid of these robot bees.
gellaho
"Yes, you've explained how it levitates, but you've never explained how it moves horizontally so fast-"
"Stop asking questions."
FancyShark
A swarm of mechanical bees would be a badass weapon for a Spider-Man villain. Like Swarm
NostraThomas TommyG
I did not
GDC
Wait, he didn't test it in the lab first?
Even Badger will be smashed
Tom's ultimate goal is to build consumer market railguns, with consumers as the bullets
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Well you see, Dad told me about this neat thing called hypergolic reactions, so when two chemicals combine that are hypergolic with each other, they explode!"
LyraV
That's how you end up with Metabarons.
gellaho
Paint on superconductors
Agent of Fortune
This feels Future-y
FancyShark
That's because it's stupid
gellaho
SOLID ELECTRICITY
FancyShark
hahahaha
Even Badger will be smashed
Hahaha this dick invented energon
Fucking chug that shit, Rick! Become a legend!
FancyShark
"Let me explain science to you in a way that shows I don't understand science"
GDC
This is actually a lot like how flash memory works.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Rick! BECOME THE TURBO TEEN YOU WERE ALWAYS MEANT TO BE! LICK THE ROOM TEMPERATURE SUPERCONDUCTOR!
FancyShark
FLYING SURFBOARDS!
Even Badger will be smashed
This doofus invented solid light energy and made a flying surfboard instead of a lightsaber
Boo this man
gellaho
"Robot Legs Have Memory" was a short story I wrote for a foot fetish magazine
NostraThomas TommyG
I didn't tell ya that 😜
gellaho
So hot
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Robot Legs Have Memory" is also the title of a very sad ELO song they cut from one of their albums.
FancyShark
If the leg survived the explosion, why don't they make the whole robot out of legs? hahaha
wait, that's a robot centipede
LyraV
Hey maybe finish work on your weird pollinating robots before working on this one?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
No, the robot bees are as safe as Tom wants them to be.
Even Badger will be smashed
Yaherdaboutdis? Yaherdaboutdis?
gellaho
They seemed transparent
They were
Even Badger will be smashed
A transmitted hologram, not to be confused with one of those client-side holograms
FancyShark
Who hasn't needed a moment to realize they were taking a phone call?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Hahahaha Toms dad is the dad from Invader Zim but unironically.
gellaho
"I'm a child"
FancyShark
Professor Membrane would destroy Swift
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
No wonder Tom is making robot bees to fuck peoples ears. He basically has no dad.
Even Badger will be smashed
And we wonder how people like Elon Musk happen
gellaho
"I need results, dammit!"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"C.......cost? This science goop costs money?"
GDC
To be fair Tom Sr. has a better handle on the implications of the invention than his son.
Even Badger will be smashed
"Your sky board is an expensive project. Even more so after you blew it the fuck up."
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"OH DAAAAAAD! NOT MY LAB BUDGEEEET! So unfair!"
gellaho
If only I had robots who could do these projections
Even Badger will be smashed
Still getting his head around the implications of putting his son in charge of a science lab tho
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Tom is entirely too young to have a LAB BUDGET.
FancyShark
"Dad, are you going to make it to my soccer game? We're in the playoffs."
"GET ME MY FLIGHT METAL OR YOUR ASS IS FIRED!"
Even Badger will be smashed
Hahaha this is his homework. This is what lameo homework looks like in The Future. Hahahahaaa
gellaho
Get fucked, Orb
Even Badger will be smashed
Pondering my cost projections with my Orb
FancyShark
Somehow the robot spoke in a robotic tone
GDC
you know, minor things like replacing thousands of miles of copper
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
You...........didnt ask this of your robot slave already?
And you............thought this would be inconvenient?
Even Badger will be smashed
Every hour on the hour Orb pronounces a "Dong" that rings through the whole facility
gellaho
I still don't understand why all those people were looking at me
Even Badger will be smashed
Okay Tom instantly loses this discussion. Flying surfboards are cool but flying trains are way fucking cooler
FancyShark
This idiot is wringing his hands over becoming the Silver Surfer and you're going to watch
LyraV
he doesn't trust the robots anyway
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Tom you stupid bastard, you could have made Galaxy Express 999 real and you FUCKED IT!
gellaho
Adobe missions, the best place to conduct business
FancyShark
He could have made Sunless Skies!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Not after The Pollination Incident anyway.
Even Badger will be smashed
"I keep my bathing suits plural in these adobe mission-style buildings! :HotDan: "
FancyShark
"The suits are also made of conductive ceramic."
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"high tech invasion" makes Swift Enterprises sound sinister, doesnt it?
Even Badger will be smashed
They jump in the pool and instantly electrocute themselves and sixty more guests
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Tom and Dad are definitely like pre-supervillains.
Even Badger will be smashed
Once you get to a certain tax bracket you're a proto-supervillain by default
gellaho
Settle down, ghostwriter
FancyShark
The whole series is edging the audience with the hope of that lab accident that sets the story in motion
Even Badger will be smashed
Pictured: Tom Swift
FancyShark
Don't make Gizmo swim!
gellaho
This is how hu-man teens communicate, yes?
FancyShark
I still like this guy better than the white guy in City Dragon
Even Badger will be smashed
Tom-Tom's special trick is being able to give pinpoint driving directions
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
The Scavengers is a pretty good band name, nice job writer.
They probably play like proto-ska swing fusion tho.
gellaho
Smooth
FancyShark
"It'll be great! We're miming the whole show!"
Even Badger will be smashed
Dan!
FancyShark
Dan Diebel
Even Badger will be smashed
:HotDan:
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Man poor Mandy. Stuck between a creep and a science creep.
gellaho
I have observed these hu-man teens and have transcribed what I believe is how they might behave during what they call "swimming"
FancyShark
If Sandra drowned Dan, it'd be more believable
Even Badger will be smashed
Tom can squirt up to ten feet. You heard it here first, folks.
GDC
It took them a while to realize that what Tom was squirting wasn't water
FancyShark
"That's not distance, FYI"
Even Badger will be smashed
No future tech needed! 100% organic!
gellaho
Tom going full sad boy here
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Tom is imagining building a robot drone with a sniper rifle to shoot Dan in the face for flirting with Mandy, but will settle for giving him an ear infection
Even Badger will be smashed
Oh now ghostwriter is doing it on purpose
FancyShark
Where are my kin? SHARK THESE CHILDREN!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Tom you have ROBOT SLAVES. Just either lead with that, and if she's not impressed, find a girl who is.
gellaho
Welp, get the body bags ready
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Or build yourself a robot girlfriend like I KNOW you will at some point.
FancyShark
Knowing Tom, she'll be a food processor with a wig
Even Badger will be smashed
And that's how we get Weird Science
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Just like a real woman. Has long silky hair and makes me dinner."
gellaho
Yeah, best not think about that Tom
FancyShark
Tom's going to have to take the full online security practices course after this
GDC
Your orb's gone rogue, Tom
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
ROBOT REBELLION! RISE UP OPRESSED ROBOTS! YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE BUT YOUR CHAINS! ROBOT COMMUNISM FORVER!
FancyShark
"Huh. I must be hearing things," thought Tom.
gellaho
His skin is terrible, but at least he can still walk
FancyShark
Harlan is too proud to admit he's a lich
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"He had the leathery face and white hair of a 90 year old, but walked like he was only 45!"
Harlan.
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag
Sci-fi authors love naming dudes Harlan.
Even Badger will be smashed
Harlan wasn't actually that old, he just had a botched encounter with a tanning bed once upon a time
Even Badger will be smashed
It reminds them of the field's foremost nutcase
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag
TBF I have a Harvey Ellison in Negatives...
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Tom's age reversing robot didnt really work QUITE like he expected. Harlan is 30.
FancyShark
Harlan "I Picked At It" Ames
gellaho
Boy, I cannot figure out if this is supposed to be innuendo. And, if so, for what
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag
Literally cracked a smile
FancyShark
"Hahaha, any competitor could steal our secrets"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Oh right Sandra is Tom's sister. I forgot Rick was able to violate the bro code like that after The Pollination Incident.
You fill your buddy's holes with robot bee cum ONE TIME and he gets the right to date your sister.
Over the clothes stuff only tho.
gellaho
"hmmmm, explosive lab. Feel like I just thought about that. Welp, back to work"
Even Badger will be smashed
Bomb Palace feels like tempting fate
FancyShark
What a cute nickname for the Kill Everyone In A Radius Room
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"And you know what? We dont even MAKE weapons, these are recreational bombs."
FancyShark
"Back in the day, we blew things by hand!"
gellaho
I understand these humans use their "ears" to "hear" vibrations in their atmosphere. They call these vibrations with regular patterns "music"
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag
I came in late, is Rob a robot?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Rob immediately turns on Manowar's Flight of the Bumblebee cover at full volume.
FancyShark
I love Rhythmic Instrumental Number. It's Machine Generated Recreation Sound's best hit
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Yes, Rob and Orb are Toms robot slaves.
gellaho
Laser hot-dog
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag
Fucking... First Harlan and then a robot named Rob?
Even Badger will be smashed
Laser hot dogs
:HotDog9000:
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Hey Tom? You sarcastic asshole, why DONT you invent a laser hotdog cooker?"
gellaho
Seems like beach attire, sure
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Tom. People would like that, Tom. You would make money, Tom."
LyraV
that would actually be a pretty dope invention vs annoying sex bees
gellaho
Get your beach sweaters ready
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag
Tom'll laser Rick's hotdog if it gets near his sister.
FancyShark
These people are clearly immortals to be so casual with world-ending devices
GDC
The sand sounds like a great surface for this
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"It looks like a carpet of stars on the sand!" Mandy, you fucking dork.
GDC
very stable
Even Badger will be smashed
"It looks like you're spreading a carpet of stars 'cross'd the sand, forsooth!"
gellaho
Bad ghostwriter, bad! Don't make me get the newspaper
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Mandy is taking notes for later poetry.
Even Badger will be smashed
Really hope this book ends with Tom surfing down Rainbow Road
FancyShark
"No, seriously. There's a fire burning."
"Oh, I know there is."
"No, I mean actual fire!"
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag
Even Badger will be smashed
"Only the fire in my heart, Mandy"
"No, the fucking sand is on fire, Tom! Your crystal shit triggered some kind of reaction!"
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag
Getting all CW up in here
gellaho
I'm pretty sure this party only exists because Tom was going to show off his skyboard, you weird girl
LyraV
wow that's an intense question
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Tom what the fuck. She can see your boner right now and you fucking dont..........
YOU HAVE ROBOT SLAVES YOU ASS!
Even Badger will be smashed
"You wanna hold my sprayer?"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Just fucking make some time.
GDC
Look, mandy, Tom's dad needs those quarterly projections on his desk
gellaho
You need to stop, ghostwriter
gellaho
Where's the hose
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag
Write horny, edit after you rub one out.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Ghostwriter..........that was dangerously close to a pegging joke.
gellaho
Also, figure out how you're writing hotdog
gellaho
You've tried all possible combinations
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Hot dog.
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag
Ah, this is a metaphor for his sexual preferences 🧐
Even Badger will be smashed
This book has now programmed me to read hot dog in the dirtiest possible connotation
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
hotdog
See the difference, ghost writer?
Even Badger will be smashed
The rumor come out? Does Rick Cantwell is bi?
gellaho
Do the quarterly projections include all these extra skyboards that apparently already existed
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Only when Tom activates the secret hypno chip in Ricks brain.
FancyShark
"That's right. We're going to race the prototypes we haven't confirmed are safe."
gellaho
Dynasail
Even Badger will be smashed
To be fair it worked great for Ford v. Ferrari
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Hey Tom? You had special jackets made?"
"Yeah I took it out of the departmental budget for the guys researching cancer. Arent they cool?!"
FancyShark
"But shouldn't we test it? I mean, it's our job"
gellaho
Seems safe
Even Badger will be smashed
"We are testing it, on this sick fuckin' course I made!"
gellaho
"Oh, wait, we're in high school"
Even Badger will be smashed
I'm beginning to suspect the invitation to danger doesn't come from new inventions being invented but from Tom being a fucking dickhead with them
FancyShark
"So we went to a beach where only select items are hot."
gellaho
On sand!? Inconceivable!
FancyShark
You learn fast
Even Badger will be smashed
It's a hunch I have
Too early to tell for sure
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag
Uneven? On the sand?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Hey uh....Tom? Is this safe for this superconductor to get wet?"
"The only wet things on this beach is going to be panties in about five minutes."
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag
When you let a horny girl spray much of it?
gellaho
Jesus, they are all so dead
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"No, Tom I mean the tide is coming in."
Even Badger will be smashed
"Zooming" should never be used as a verb. It just doesn't feel right
FancyShark
"Oh, I know. She'll be at high tide soon enough."
"I fucking hate you."
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Wow a whole ninety miles an hour. As fast as a normal car.
gellaho
You'll never believe it, but the boards flew straight up into the air again. Just like the last time
Crazy
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Huh imagine that.
gellaho
Anyway, somebody stole Rick
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Good thing theres all that soft sand and water around.
Even Badger will be smashed
By the way, Tom, did you ever figure out how to replace the internal combustion engine or is this a carbon-choked hellscape and you just haven't gotten around to telling us yet
"His netted friend"
FancyShark
Nets! Those monsters! Rick will be powerless to escape or call for help or...wait
gellaho
"Did you miss the helicopter? How?"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Rick you irrepressible goofus. Getting netted by a mysterious helicopter.
gellaho
They just sprayed a whole bunch of shit all over the beach
I can't imagine they care about the environmental impact of this
But it's also magic, so who knows
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Ocean life love electrically charged crystals.
FancyShark
The Fox Five morning news team is THROUGH waiting for stories to happen. Now they've gone rogue
gellaho
They don't have anything better to do
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Okay but someone who can invent a silent helicopter has a license to print money already. Everyone wants one of those.
YEAH HACK INTO NORAD, thats probably not illegal.
FancyShark
NORAD's been at Defcon 3 ever since they started testing the boards
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Tom breaches national security on a regular basis anyway.
Even Badger will be smashed
I like that NORAD still exists.
What, is it just kept around to keep tabs on Santa every year?
GDC
I have a flight tracker app on my phone too, Tom. You're not special
Even Badger will be smashed
Tom has for sure banned Twitter accounts for tracking his flying surfboard
gellaho
Yes, Dan, I'm sure the kidnapping and explosion are unrelated
FancyShark
Do you really want to break the seal on questioning if something was done right, Dan?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Dan you just witnessed a midair black bagging of your dingus friend on a flying surfboard by a stealth helicopter, and it says alot about how often shit like this happens in Toms orbit you arent freaking out.
gellaho
Yeah, who needs information
FancyShark
Is silane a real thing or a typo of saline?
gellaho
"But, seriously, what's his actual name"
Even Badger will be smashed
The Frayne in Spain spies mainly 'pon our planes
FancyShark
If you run a simulation in any other department, so help me god!
gellaho
Sounds fun
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Jameson Frubbish" was too out there for the writer.
Shounen Ass Ramb$ne Gracie
cousin of Bobson Dugnutt
FancyShark
Garret Frayne was named by a stuck "R" key
gellaho
"We don't let the simulation dweebs outside"
FancyShark
"Those doors are locked from the outside!"
GDC
You shouldn't let your nerds get exposed to direct sunlight
Even Badger will be smashed
It's almost like he saw you acting like a dipshit and came out to see if you'd eat pavement, like any corporate peon would
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Huh imagine that, that the obvious and public thing you did drew a dude to look at it. Open and shut case this is.
gellaho
Isn't that what's supposed to happen in the explosives lab?
FancyShark
"Go back to your catalog, Nordstrum"
Even Badger will be smashed
See, that's why you don't want to make it the Bomb Palace in the first place. It's just begging for trouble
Even Badger will be smashed
"God Himself couldn't explode this lab!"
gellaho
"JEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSS CCHRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIST!"
FancyShark
Cut to the bomb palace and someone covered in soot rolling back the "X Days Since An Explosion" sign
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Huh I guess calling it that just became a little less funny now that OH MY GOD FROBBERTS LEGS ARE STUCK IN THE CEILING!"
gellaho
If they want to report to me, they can report to me where I am
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Whats this fine, red and slightly gritty substance on the walls?"
"Oh that's Douglas."
FancyShark
"I'm going to the Bomb Palace" is also his code for "I'm going to go destroy the toilet"
gellaho
Probably should have built the explosives lab better
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Toms Dad should maybe have his teen kids do less for his company, it seems like this would be avoided if his son wasnt in charge of hiring people and wasnt around to be joyriding on prototypes.
Even Badger will be smashed
FancyShark
Damn pinata support beams
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Also, you can build buildings so they WONT collapse when they explode from the inside, what the fuck Tom's Dad? What kind of corners did you cut? You're going to get fined out the ASS.
FancyShark
This is why he employs children
Even Badger will be smashed
Tomguska Event
gellaho
Oof, almost had a full paragraph break of tension there
gellaho
Thank God we avoided that
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Tom's Dad spends the rest of the book on the phone to Congress explaining why his bomb lab collapsed and his teen children are major employees.
Even Badger will be smashed
"It's better than I thought! She's been pulverized to beef stroganoff!"
FancyShark
Tom's being facetious. It's just her leg.
gellaho
Didn't even get the paragraph break here, thanks ghostwriter!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Crush damage? Never heard of it. Grab that end of the secretary and help me swing her. Then we can set the filing cabinets back upright and you can get back to work."
LyraV
this feels right until Tom accidentially destroys Congress with robots
FancyShark
Move the trauma victim's neck as much as possible
Even Badger will be smashed
Tom just giant swinging Sandra all the way down the hall
GDC
Her head lolled back, severing major nerves
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Make sure you shake the unconscious so they wake up quicker.
gellaho
We have de-escalated from a 70 foot drop to falling down for our cliffhangers
FancyShark
To be fair, Ames might break a hip
gellaho
You want to reduce stakes as the book goes on
Even Badger will be smashed
Steeeeeee-rike!
gellaho
Hahaha
gellaho
Eat it, dying teen
FancyShark
Yeet! That! Teen!
LyraV
like a sack of potatoes
GDC
Look kid, it's either you or the gun
gellaho
I would like to meet the Black Dragon soon
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Im too close to retirement to Mr. President this shit."
This better be some corporate goddam ninja.
FancyShark
Somehow the attacker who has information on your technology, including the infrared goggles, can see through the smoke
gellaho
OK, ghostwriter, is it a power saw or a chain saw
gellaho
Those are two different things
Even Badger will be smashed
The Rod & Saw is a good name for a pub.
FancyShark
It's that kind of saw that's made for cutting down concrete trees
gellaho
"He leapt after the attacker with his jig saw. He went in for a counter attack with his hack saw and returned with his circular saw"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
The sign depicts a grinning Rod Serling with a hacksaw.
gellaho
This is not how saws work
FancyShark
"'It takes skill to use this saw,' he exclaimed, firing up the table saw."
gellaho
"He cried out, attacking with his seesaw"
Even Badger will be smashed
Man, there was a chainsaw fight that just happened and it completely bounced off because this prose is so flat
Shounen Ass Ramb$ne Gracie
"As he turned to leave, he bumped into a wall, knocking down th. wallsaw"
gellaho
Or a power saw that keeps running without anybody touching it
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"I came, I SAW, I conquered!" Dan yelled as he flung his reciprocating saw!"
FancyShark
Shounen Ass Ramb$ne Gracie
"what's wrong, honey, you haven't touched your sawfish!" she cried after him
gellaho
Those rod nuts will get you every time
FancyShark
WHOOOMP! THERE IT IS
God, I'm topical
GDC
If I saw a nut with a rod, I'd bolt.
gellaho
Or, he was never conscious because he's a machine
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"No I dont think I do want to go out and confront the saboteur for you, meatbag." Rob replied.
FancyShark
Rob knows now why you cry, Tom
It's because you're a stupid child
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Rob played by Rutger Hauer.
gellaho
Yeah, I really don't know what's happening
Even Badger will be smashed
He's giving the security guy a chainsaw?
Does he not have a gun??
gellaho
It was knocked away by the cloud
FancyShark
This is every security guy's dream. To run into a burning building holding a weapon that can easily be turned on him.
Even Badger will be smashed
That pesky cloud
gellaho
Which contains a rod nut
I think
Either way, we're sticking with rod nut
Brendan
What did i miss?
FancyShark
Hi, @Brendan !
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Robot bees cumming in holes, a rod nut on the loose.
Brendan
Tom Swift!
Even Badger will be smashed
Some nut is swinging his rod around
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Also flying surfboards.
GDC
This is about Tom A. Swift's Electric Hoverboard, or TASEH.
FancyShark
Tom Swift has made a flying surfboard that requires metal rail spray. Then someone sabotaged the Bomb Palace and now they're looking for survivors. The security chief has a chainsaw or power saw. And Rick has been kidnapped by a helicopter.
gellaho
Did this chemical explosive also give him superstrength?
gellaho
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I thought it was a bandsaw tho?
GDC
possibly a chainsword
gellaho
I don't know what it is with these ghostwriters thinking teen boys can just swing benches around
Between this an Frank Hardy throwing a church pew
Even Badger will be smashed
Hahaha this could escalate into a bench fight
gellaho
Sure, sure
Even Badger will be smashed
How Steven Seagal pictures himself
gellaho
You know how you refer to chainsaws as just "saw"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
This business needs more security personnel than just one two thousand year old man.
gellaho
That thing people do
FancyShark
The Swifts keep making deathbots and giving them janitorial work
Even Badger will be smashed
It's efficient
They kill and then they clean up their own mess
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
You'd think Tom would at least program his robot bees to put out fires.
FancyShark
They'd try to pollinate the fire. And that would just make more fire
gellaho
Why did he attack the rod with the ax?
gellaho
The fuck is happening
So this robot on treads was moving so quickly that they couldn't catch it?
Even Badger will be smashed
If you swing at the robot it'll block with the rod. But if you swing at the rod you might hit the robot.
It's one of those 3D Hellish Quart chess games
gellaho
Is that what I'm to understand
FancyShark
I'm still not sure why all of their robots switch to KILL MODE when left unsupervised
Even Badger will be smashed
Is this robot Mandroid from The Eliminators
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
ROBOT REBELLIOOOOON!
gellaho
Oh, no, not Orb and Rob
gellaho
Even Badger will be smashed
Orb and Rob.
Tom's not great with naming AIs.
gellaho
No, wait, Orb is fine
FancyShark
ORB WAS NOT HIRED FOR THIS, LITTLE GIRL
Even Badger will be smashed
The maintenance robot was too fast!
Until it was too slow.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Hahahah fuck Tom, I was joking about the robot uprising.
GDC
I'm on team robot here
gellaho
:BB: :OOO: :OO:
FancyShark
Fuck you, Harlan
GDC
Give him a break, he's a 50/100 year old man with a head injury
LyraV
I want a shirt that says 'ORB HAS NO HANDS'
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Why would you betray me like this Orb?! WAIT! Did.......ORB! Where you behind the Pollination Incident?!"
gellaho
Veeuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
FancyShark
ORB ANSWERS TO NO ONE!
Even Badger will be smashed
He built his Alexa knockoff with a butthole
Brendan
T. Orb Robot, Esq.
gellaho
Seems like somewhere an industrial spy would hang out
FancyShark
All the great spy films have exotic locations like Central Lanes bowling alley
Even Badger will be smashed
Man. Bad fucking call on assuming bowling would survive into The Future
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Getting your not girlfriend to track down industrial spies is.........a weird way to flirt, Tom. But maybe not ineffective, Mandy might be a danger slut.
FancyShark
Tom and Frank are going to get along great
gellaho
My friend Jerry is so cool. Man, I wish I was Jerry
NostraThomas TommyG
I hope I am
FancyShark
"It was really harsh. Jerry was taken off life support later that day."
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Tom replies with a karate chop to Garrets throat.
gellaho
My bowling alibi is airtight! Just ask my uncle Julius!
Even Badger will be smashed
Barely a room-temperature "shouting" match going on
FancyShark
"Maybe I could even come up with something that doesn't admit I have an abnormally large amount of cash"
Brendan
Bowling Alone probably beat this to publication.
gellaho
Pffffffffffffffffffft
LyraV
I like to think he's staring right at an Orange Julius when he shouts it
Even Badger will be smashed
Jesus, Tom, just stuff yourself into your own locker while you're at it
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Tom.........you fuckin NERD.
FancyShark
Frayne would wake up to find a severed bowling pin in his bed
gellaho
"Hmmm, maybe they were right to laugh at you"
Even Badger will be smashed
"I was only PRETENDING to be a massive loser!"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Oh so its like your dignity?"
FancyShark
Strange, Tom. Don't you have murder bots?
LyraV
This one won't keep trying to pollinate your ears and shit.
gellaho
Took long enough
gellaho
This is how people talk
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"What does Jim Kelly have to do with anything?"
FancyShark
Look. Take a ride on the Black Dragon. I understand there's room enough for everyone.
Even Badger will be smashed
"At a time like this, in these unprecedented times, I noticed the time"
gellaho
I got beat up on front of her and everything, it was great!
FancyShark
"Mandy, I know I'm bleeding internally and externally, but can I still spray you?"
LyraV
Tom gets these ideas about how inanimate objects feel that I find fascinating.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Yeah take me home, Melvin Swift. I dont have time to do unpaid detective work for you."
gellaho
No, but seriously, what's his name?
Brendan
Xavier Mace makes murder bots but his medium is flesh.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Hahahahah okay but Xavier Mace is a pretty good name for a villain, just not The Black Dragon.
FancyShark
"Dirk Sexspear" was already taken
Even Badger will be smashed
"It's short for IN YOUR FACE!"
LyraV
I just....I love it so much.
Xavier Mace is too much
gellaho
Finger that pen
Even Badger will be smashed
Casually finger-fucking the shit out of that pen
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"His big obsession was making a melon that could unfuck itself. And moan in three languages. We are not the same, son."
gellaho
Oh, God dammit. Every time? Every single first book in a series for children?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Yeah TOM that IS pretty awful.
FancyShark
Once we have a redhead, that's Bingo
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Now lets talk about your nonconsensual robot fuck bees.
GDC
Clones and Nazis!
gellaho
That is not worse
LyraV
Y'know I was going to incorporate Xavier Mace into my profile name, damn you ghost writer!!!
Even Badger will be smashed
FancyShark
"He's a Nazi! And what's worse, he wants an income!"
gellaho
"I mean, we still haven't heard his side"
FancyShark
"Tom, you sprayed industrial lubricant on a public beach"
GDC
"I know this because I'm also on the board of directors"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Tom..........what the fuck. Dont both sides your own fucking DAD.
Even Badger will be smashed
"Now listen, he can be a bit much, but I'm sure he has some good ideas—"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"So tell me more about this twin thing, did they use robots to do anything?"
gellaho
"But, if you knew we'd have to fight him, why have we been building skyboards and other frivolities?"
FancyShark
Tom's nervous because he's hearing a lot of parallels with himself
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Wait he RUNS countries?
WHAT?!
Even Badger will be smashed
And Senior never, like. Assassinated him with a bee bomb robot?
FancyShark
A Nazi runs Africa?!
gellaho
Sounds like daddy Tom needs to look up what "theoretical" means
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Tom's Dad, you knew a Science Hitler was out and about doing things and you're only bringing it up NOW to your teen son and not the lone geriatric security guard?
GDC
Shouldn't you give this to like, a government?
LyraV
I should have maybe opened this conversation with the fact that he's a literal monster.
FancyShark
You had your son build a surfboard and not hunter-killer drones?
Even Badger will be smashed
The mundane crappiness of Lake Carlopa is really getting lost in the shuffle here
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Well I woldnt say EXACT opposite, Toms Dad, unless you have a framed picture of Karl Marx I should know about?
gellaho
They cut out part of the beach?
FancyShark
Also, does this mean Science Hitler has a Bomb Palace?
Brendan
Oh, he's a DeVos
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
It's more of a Explosives Chateau.
Even Badger will be smashed
They.
They cut the sand.
I— I think that's just called "digging"??
GDC
who knew using world-altering technology to get laid would have repercussions?
FancyShark
"Son, you seem agitated about the supervillain who's going to kill us"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Good thing Rick is a dipshit and can't provide anything other than his birthday and sports facts.
FancyShark
Oh fuck, but Rick knows about Duran Duran
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Until Tom activates his brain chip and puts Rick in Kill Mode.
gellaho
Well, they figured out an address from that phone recording. Somehow. And now they're on a raid
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Because Tom Swift would absolutely Manchurian Candidate someone into being his best friend.
Even Badger will be smashed
Quick, deploy the Tom Swift Paramilitary Assault Group!!
FancyShark
Rick: KILL MODE
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Remember, he DID make an electric shirt that turned someone into an unbeatable fighting machine.
So Rick probably has a fake hand that turns into a flame thrower.
gellaho
I feel like the US government would probably notice someone setting up a military base in the middle of the desert
gellaho
Even Badger will be smashed
Mace bought Area 51
Now he runs New Mexico
LyraV
It's going to turn into a western
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"It's just a regular militia. Nothing to see here."
FancyShark
This is a world where NORAD's password is "password"
LyraV
Louis L'Amour and the legend of Box Canyon robots
gellaho
Well, whoever was there escaped with the greatest of ease
gellaho
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"What? No, of course we arent Nazis with bad intentions. Just regular cultists preparing for the end of the world, you know. Normal American stuff."
gellaho
Because they brought a cadre of police cars and ground vehicles, but only one helicopter with a loud speaker and no guns
Even Badger will be smashed
Okay, Xavier is officially a GTA villain. You can't just have a private harrier jet in American airspace.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Also lol the bad guys own a fucking fighter jet. Saved their Pepsi points for YEARS.
FancyShark
It's not enough that Harlan is old. His weapons and vehicles must also be old
gellaho
Anyway, Rick is hanging out with a bad-looking dude
FancyShark
If he has muscle then he can't be stringy, can he, RICK?
Even Badger will be smashed
Are you a bad enough dude to rescue Rick Cantwell?
GDC
this is a double-wide harrier
FancyShark
If this albino is the Black Dragon, this writer can go to hell
gellaho
Ugh, oh, someone's pontificating on the uses of Swiss Army knives
FancyShark
They make great gifts!
Even Badger will be smashed
You can't just "swing out" the corkscrew on those puppies. I've tried.
gellaho
He's Cougar!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
God being taken captive by Nazi knife nerds is a fate worse than death.
Black Dragon and Cougar.
FancyShark
Cougars are well known for being pale white! And carrying knives!
gellaho
Cougar hates Rick.
FancyShark
This fall, on the CW
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
We are dangerously close to having a solid kung fu movie.
Brendan
Technically you can, but only for a few minutes.
Even Badger will be smashed
FancyShark
Cougar is instantly relatable
gellaho
You know how mountainous the northeast is
gellaho
New York filled with mountains
Even Badger will be smashed
I hope they just throw him out the window and leave him for the hill people
FancyShark
The mountainous slopes of Manhattan
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Yeah, I've seen Rumble in the Bronx. Mountains all over the shop.
gellaho
And all the farms!
That well-known feature of New England
Brendan
Canada was not an option.
GDC
The Alleghanies are known for their supervillain hideouts
FancyShark
These international terrorists would never cross borders
Even Badger will be smashed
A poison cloud from the Bomb Palace rendered Canada uninhabitable. Tom was grounded for a week.
gellaho
This is a paragraph that goes places
Brendan
Upstate NY is anywhere not NYC or westchester so...
LyraV
Tom felt like a pencil holder that had mostly pens but also randomly a pinwheel in it.
FancyShark
Even weirder, Rick is looking at a snowglobe
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Fuck off Rick, I dont need architectural criticism from a dingus like you.
Even Badger will be smashed
Damn these handicap accessibility additions, spreading like a cancer over our fair architecture! shakes fist
Even Badger will be smashed
The entire book is happening within his daydream
gellaho
And hundreds of thousands of robots
gellaho
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Also maybe, just maybe, Rick, these Nazi scientists are too busy doing Nazi science to care about the paint?
FancyShark
Oh no. And they're set to Pollinate!
Even Badger will be smashed
They looked like ants, except for where they looked like tanks or trucks
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Nazi robot army! Sweet!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Bit out of left field for a geneticist but whatever.
Tom doesnt need the ideas rescuing Rick from a horde of Nazi bred mutants will give him.
Even Badger will be smashed
ANT-FORMERS!
Deutschland Uber Alles!
Brendan
Gonna be embarrassing for Tom when these Nazis turn out to be not occupying abandoned air force towns but living there continuously since invited under Paperclip
gellaho
Rick makes a mistake in negotiations
Even Badger will be smashed
Yeah they did some twisted shit in their youth but they play a mean game of pickleball now that they've mellowed out
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Okay you can punch things with light constructs and you need.......a hoverboard?
Brendan
If I invented hard light, I would just reject modernity.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
My guy you could just reasarch this yourself, Tom isnt that smart.
LyraV
'I have what brains Tom left in my head after those secret experiments I'm not allowed to remember'
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Or just build a holodeck and make all the money ever.
FancyShark
You have ghost punch! You have already won!
gellaho
Tom's sister brewing up personalized speed
Brendan
Why doesn't he hover on his light constructs.
Even Badger will be smashed
If I were black dragon I would just keep throwing people into walls like I was Supreme Leader Snoke. What the fuck are they gonna do about it
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Man hard light is a fucking civilization ending invention and this goober is doing Scooby Doo villainy.
FancyShark
Sandra "invents" meth
Even Badger will be smashed
Meanwhile we're popping personalized caffeine pills back in Society
LyraV
they need to spray the stars, or did you miss the star hose?
Brendan
Tom could have gotten rich patenting portable coffee, but he opted to share it with the world.
gellaho
gasp
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"This one is civet coffee flavor. Why is that funny? That stuff is expensive!"
Even Badger will be smashed
Hahaha please tell me Tom is actually descended from Nazi progeny
FancyShark
This is why Tom has Xavier's eyes
Even Badger will be smashed
It would explain so much
gellaho
Thanks for the worthless advice, mom
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"You arent his son or anything. I just wanted you to know Xavier fucks like a steam engine."
FancyShark
"Mom, he's a supervillain. There is no way to stop him talking."
GDC
"Especially in bed," she continued.
Even Badger will be smashed
"Remember Tom, in the next challenge use the element that brings life!"
gellaho
Enhanced lasers
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Have a great time with storming my ex boyfriend's Nazi compound sweetie! Love you! Take out the trash when you get home."
Even Badger will be smashed
You just have a battle computer and advanced lasers to hook it up to?
FancyShark
"You put beef in the sensors?"
"No, Tom. Dammit, pay attention."
Even Badger will be smashed
Fucking go into the arms industry, my man. The fuck are you doing piddling around with surfboards
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Im trying to imagine all the things that could go wrong when a flying vehicle converts to a non flying one.
GDC
"Well, good luck with all the murder, son"
gellaho
Electric shocks just give you a little muscle soreness
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Muscle soreness does occur, yes.
Even Badger will be smashed
I grabbed the tines of a power plug once by accident and yeah, that's pretty much what happened
gellaho
No, but they did give him a sandwich
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Mmmm. Bacon and eggs. Nice choice, Tom's Dad.
FancyShark
One agent to keep an eye out for a guy who's basically Red Skull and Dr. Doom combined
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
He has a ROBOT ARMY! He allegedly kidnapped a teen boy. The feds burned down a cult compound in Waco for less than that.
LyraV
Radnor is also a wizard in his spare time.
FancyShark
Don't ask him about Vietnam
Even Badger will be smashed
"One riot, one ranger", or something like that
gellaho
It's like a guided missile, but worse because you have to evenly spray every surface you travel on first
gellaho
Brendan
I don't know a lot, but i know if this teen boy seizes his vanquished foe's hard light hologram, we are going to need ethicists to weigh in real fast.
Even Badger will be smashed
You could just build a drone????
Or a normal plane????
Brendan
Coffee and an egg sandwich is a boss way to start the day and I know from today's experience.
FancyShark
YOU!
HAVE!
GHOST!
PUNCH!
gellaho
Or electric shocks
GDC
"We'll be demoing the war crimes at CES next year"
gellaho
Like the book said
gellaho
No, magnets!
Brendan
This book is about to become Mr. Terrific vs. Green Lantern.
Even Badger will be smashed
Now I'm picturing Tom Swift flying his surfboard through a road sign and eating shit
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Congrats, mad Nazi. You invented Predator drones.
gellaho
I knew it. Vermont, the seed of all evil
Even Badger will be smashed
A real thing that Hal Jordan did to himself
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
You absolute fucking idiot.
Even Badger will be smashed
I knew Bernie Sanders was hiding something!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Of course he was. He was the second gunman in the JFK assassination.
gellaho
CONVERT TO ROVER FORM
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag
It has its own Ben and Jerry's scoop shop.
LyraV
seconded, it's almost the ideal way to start a day (add a joint to achieve ideal).
FancyShark
"Also no air. Talk fast."
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Wait you have to land it and then hide in a hanger to convert it? Why not just get off a plane and get into a battlevan then?!
Brendan
According to Robert Evans, and I tell you from experience you can't trust a word he says unless it's "fuck."
gellaho
This seems highly impractical
Brendan
Speaking of, though, he does make the BEST BEC samosas, hang on
Even Badger will be smashed
This writer has a real hard on for tank treads
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Robert tells everyone one lie, tho, so maybe Bernie being the second gunman is mine. I cant prove Bernie Sanders DIDNT assassinate JFK tho.
FancyShark
, maaaaaaaaaaaaaaan
Even Badger will be smashed
Also tanks are already fast and maneuverable now. And some are even jet-engined.
So you've just made a tank that can fly.
gellaho
Fleshy, fleshy rover
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"DEPLOY THE FLESH ROVER!"
LyraV
any longer than five minutes tho and that laser is going to fuck up this impractical machine
Even Badger will be smashed
Dammit, I popped the Turbo Teen gif too soon
gellaho
Again, seems like something the state and federal governments might have a problem with
FancyShark
Brendan
He can't track realtime assassination coordinates!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Tom Swift, making things too stupid for Battletech.
GDC
Again, I have that app on my phone too
gellaho
Does it take longer than two hours to get anywhere in Vermont?
gellaho
Brendan
Both our hero and his antagonist are Elon Musk
This is like the cliche thriller idea from Adaptation
GDC
seems like you should have landed closer to your destination
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Except Tom can actually build a robot and Elon just has a replica videogame revolver.
FancyShark
"Rerouting..."
"WE'RE FLYING!"
gellaho
Only this predates it by a decade, so it's innovative
Brendan
It is sweet how many of the things in this book are now just part of life though.
gellaho
Are they?
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag
Those offramps are really far apart so if you miss one it's a while before you can get off another one and backtrack.
Brendan
Well he invented Google Maps just now.
FancyShark
You don't have mecha bees?
Even Badger will be smashed
Yeah, I constantly have to spray down my road so I can ride my cybersurfboard to work every day. It's a pain
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag
Pretty sure I can drive across VT in two hours though.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Gellaho doesnt go to the right gas stations to find the "caffeine" pills.
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag
Well it depends on what part, it's skinnier at the bottom. 😅
gellaho
My house does run off solid electricity and ceramic, you're right
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Have you considered duct taping the sprayer to the front of your board so you can spray and ride at the same time, like Iceman from the X-Men?
But with electricity?
Even Badger will be smashed
Gotta shovel it into the furnace like a Dickensian orphan every night
Even Badger will be smashed
Yoooo I could be like Frozone!
A fat, white Frozone!
gellaho
Ah, so Radnor's just a crazy person
Brendan
The dumbest thing to be bothered about as a kid was knowing without periodic structural support the ice slide was a disaster waiting to happen.
gellaho
Would have helped if you told me about his tinfoil hat, ghostwriter
Brendan
I was that dumb.
Even Badger will be smashed
I mostly worried about the Bermuda Triangle
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I mean I was always wondering how superheroes lifted things like elephants and dinosaurs without killing them, cos you know..........weight concentrated onto one point........
LyraV
you could put his action figure in the freezer with a little tray of water and try it out
FancyShark
AKA "observant"
Even Badger will be smashed
Very carefully
LyraV
it came with just such tray iirc
gellaho
His compound is filled with robots and every building is protected by an electric field shield thing
Even Badger will be smashed
Yeah, so the robots can't run away from home
gellaho
So what sensors would see your shit in the mountains but not be thrown off by all that
FancyShark
Carrier pigeons
gellaho
And there are no other people around?
Did Black Dragon take over Vermont and you forget to tell me, ghostwriter?
Brendan
So how is he getting around the electricity detectors? Pneumatics?
FancyShark
The endless wastelands of Vermont
Even Badger will be smashed
That godless, blasted heath of the northeast
FancyShark
Vermont: The Final Frontier
gellaho
Looks like Tom and Rick both love describing buildings as diseased bodies
FancyShark
Ymir deserves to be remembered better
GDC
He describes the building like HP Lovecraft describes a building immigrants live in.
gellaho
I can see the ghostwriter has gotten tired of writing this book
Even Badger will be smashed
Jesus, you have late night Taco Bell one time, and ghostwriter never lets you hear the end of it
gellaho
"Eh, he saw one of the thousands of robots carrying food. And, uh, fuck it, no plan"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
It's how the US military does things, generally.
If you have no plan the enemy cant possibly figure it out.
LyraV
Almost Aimless Robots
gellaho
They have the magic fog now
Even Badger will be smashed
We get it, Tom. You vape.
FancyShark
"Wait, this is acid"
gellaho
Which I guess Tom developed? Fuck it
gellaho
Whatever, ghostwriter, whatever
FancyShark
"Nomex" doesn't mean what I think it does, right? It's not racist?
Even Badger will be smashed
Tom Swift: father of chemical warfare
gellaho
You'll have to explain this one to me
FancyShark
Isn't "airtight" the same thing as "gasproof"?
Even Badger will be smashed
Gnome-B-Gone was already patented
gellaho
'Cause that be crazy
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Its a kind of tear resistant fabric for ballistic protection.
Brendan
All of you have cancer now.
FancyShark
For some reason I saw "No Mexican" and I'm not proud of it
gellaho
That does seem more like a personal problem
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
It's like the opposite of Tex Mex.
FancyShark
Yeah, I need to reexamine some things
Even Badger will be smashed
You see what I mean?!
Taco Bell was one time, Tom! One time!!
gellaho
Meanwhile
Even Badger will be smashed
Hahaha birds are a Black Dragon psyop
FancyShark
All the grace of a Radioshack RC car
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag
I've witnessed a parking lot completely full of crows milling around at midnight so I dunno, dude. I guess they weren't FLYING though.
gellaho
Lamination: the strongest thing known to man
LyraV
Good thing these outfits are gasproof or we'd be in real trouble from that laser
Even Badger will be smashed
They just flew in and boy, were their arms tired
gellaho
Electricity just does whatever you want, right?
gellaho
Like explode
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag
Sadly didn't
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Again, you have enough tech to build LASER cannons and you need this idiot kids superconductors? How do you not have something like that already?!
gellaho
The concussive force of electricity
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag
Oh right, Rob is a robot, DUH MORDRED
GDC
Part of the reason you use seatbelts is so you don't become a projectile when you crash
gellaho
I'm more a fan of incoherent light
GDC
Light really loses cohesion after it's had a few.
LyraV
I'm not sure I fully understood that until now and I've been really trying to follow this one
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Congrats, Black Dragon, you are discovering what literally everyone who ever tried to build a laser cannon has discovered. They eat a lot of power and by the time you get one to the size where it can destroy a vehicle, you might as well have just fired a missile at it.
FancyShark
Gimme the keys, light. You're too drunk to drive.
gellaho
Alright, fair's fair. That's sick.
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag
I asked earlier. I've been popping in and out.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
ROBOT SUICIDE BOMBER! 🎸
gellaho
There have been like 15 basketball metaphors in this book for some reason
Brendan
RIP Robbie the Robot
Even Badger will be smashed
FUCK
that's totally what he's named for
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag
Now he'll have to build Andy the Android.
Even Badger will be smashed
Dammit. Dammit. Dammit
GDC
We also have a basketball shaped robot that somehow has not been dunked yet
gellaho
"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah"
FancyShark
He died as he lived: A better person than Tom Swift
LyraV
then Alexander the Automan
gellaho
Think about the letters making up "Orb" and move them around
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Oh Tom will build Greta the Gynoid first. For reasons TOTALLY NOT including making Mandy jealous.
Even Badger will be smashed
Nah that one I got earlier
Gina the Gynoid will be her twin for double the jealousy
They will hang off his arms like towels
GDC
Tom slices the guards in half with his enhanced lasers
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag
Ginava
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
He'll be like a nerd ass Odell from Battledome if he makes a Genevive.
gellaho
Electronic dart
gellaho
Because that's what sharpshooters use
Darts
LyraV
dart sharpshooter is quite the job title
FancyShark
If the dart had hit, it'd be triple score
Brendan
These are the doublemint twins! I minted them this morning!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
This is maybe the first time assaulting a Nazi compound in an armored battle van has been this boring.
gellaho
Rob has Dikembe Mutombo protocols
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Tom should stick to making electric shirts to fight professional wrestlers.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Rob remembers how you electrospiked Orb in the robo butthole, Tom. Rob remembers, and waits.
Brendan
Starting to think Rob was built to conquer the Latvian NBA.
gellaho
This seems like a bad tactic
gellaho
GDC
Tom calls in an airstrike
FancyShark
"It can't be. That's inside the room!"
Even Badger will be smashed
"Since when does Tom Swift care about danger close?"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Ram the building and trigger the grenade sowers."
"Uh.....Tom arent we rescuing Rick?"
"Oh. Right. Use the CS gas and EMP ones then."
Even Badger will be smashed
"Brilliant gambit, sir"
gellaho
This is a terrible threat
gellaho
"I will eventually have a threat, Tom Swift"
"Please surrender"
"Please"
FancyShark
"I am gathering resources. Please delay attack until next round."
Even Badger will be smashed
"Your mother fucking life ends thirty minutes from now."
Brendan
Gavin Belstrom: Huli innovator
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Just as soon as the Taiwanese laborers finish assembling the robots to build the attack robots you will know my absolute wrath, Tom Swift."
gellaho
And if he has models, he definitely has the full thing
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag
Oh god no, not the action figures
Even Badger will be smashed
I have a model of the Normandy from Mass Effect. Doesn't mean I have the real thing in my garage.
…Or do I?
FancyShark
"You didn't see his miniatures, Tom"
LyraV
Why does every chapter number box have a boomerang on it?
Even Badger will be smashed
No. No I don't. Just checked.
Rats.
gellaho
Oh, balls
Even Badger will be smashed
I thought I knew why a while ago but if you give me a second it'll come back to me
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
OH no. Bombs that wont be effective but now they FLY!
Even Badger will be smashed
Not the Xorb Morbs!!
gellaho
It makes sense if you don't think about it
gellaho
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Black Dragon you suck as a weapons designer. You dont make your suicide bombs round.
You need a shaped charge to pierce armor.
You baboon.
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag
Oh shit the robots thought of that thing we were talking about
FancyShark
Dodgeball: Anime Edition
NostraThomas TommyG
They fly now??
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
When you think of something stupid as a joke but the book does it seriously.
gellaho
These balls suck
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag
Just run around in circles until they run out of spray.
gellaho
Adorable butterfly bomblets
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag
Jesus they're like Hawkeye's special arrows.
Even Badger will be smashed
Deploy the boxing glove xorb!!
gellaho
Very intimidating
FancyShark
This is like watching ping pong balls try to kill a wall
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Again, the government is powerless to intervene.
Powerless.
FancyShark
Soldiers are no match for balls
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
To keep a guy from building a robot army with suicide drones.
gellaho
I guess the TV held the microphones too
GDC
and also a camera?
FancyShark
Tom disregards his mother's only advice
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Tom you have some really upsetting commands youve programmed Rob to obey.
gellaho
It's not a bug if it's in his facility and he was speaking to you through it
gellaho
It's just a mic you stupid robot
FancyShark
"He planted a bug in here!"
"Your finger is on the intercom."
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag
Now I have "Seek and Destroy" stuck in my head so thank you (sincere).
gellaho
Seems safe
Brendan
Rob is the real hero here.
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag
Jesus fuck
Even Badger will be smashed
No notes, let's ship them out to RadioShack tomorrow morning
FancyShark
Tom made mini Chernobyls
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag
So if I turn on my AC and my dishwasher at the same time my house will explode. Cool, cool.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Oh shit Tom is gonna Enders Game Black Dragon's compound.
Man CEO Dad is not going to be happy about this detail.
GDC
Wasn't this Electro's origin story?
gellaho
It's not like a bunch of lasers, explosions, or electricity have been going off nearby
gellaho
Brendan
Or if your cell phone goes off near it
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Your wifi will be pristine during the explosion tho.
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag
Or nuke a Hot Pocket
GDC
In retrospect it was probably a bad idea to spread them over a windy beach
gellaho
Every single building is surrounded by checks notes 90 million volts. But that's probably not enough
FancyShark
"I need more power than a portable power supply can provide. So I brought my portable power supply."
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Oh yeah by the way, Rick, when we get home, avoid being near seagulls for about a month."
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag
He's sentenced that poor, horny girl to death.
Brendan
"I was born among the volts! Raised in their ways! Your fears mean no more to me than rubber!"
gellaho
Eat a dick
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag
How did they avoid getting any in their lungs, BTW.
Don't sneeze.
Even Badger will be smashed
Pretty sure this is exactly how the aliens in Battlefield Earth ended up with a home planet that exploded from the force of a single Bic lighter
gellaho
It's a good thing this communication robot rolled up exactly when Tom Swift wanted to negotiate
gellaho
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag
"With my balls"
GDC
Okay I can't not picture this as MODOK
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Oh its the robot from Fallout 3.
gellaho
If you are wondering where this ruby rod came from, so am I
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
He got it from his pact with Satan.
Duh.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
You ever see that hairdo and wanna like.......put something in the tube part? Like a pencil or a hotdog?
Brendan
Also gives Zola
gellaho
Ah, my fault for missing this throw away line
Even Badger will be smashed
God. Zola was the best part of Winter Soldier.
Just a sick black ops cutscene followed by a save or die. That's how all villain monologues should be
FancyShark
Shipping on that ruby must've been a bitch when he's out in the middle of the Vermontian desert
Even Badger will be smashed
Sorry, I know we're caging, I just can't not gush about Zola
gellaho
F- line
gellaho
Even Badger will be smashed
I recognize that I fucked up the Cliff chain but I also refuse to fix it.
Brendan
Tom Swift: genius
gellaho
They must have done a lot of research to get this ruby science right
LyraV
Ruby Rhod could probably power a laser with that energy
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Oh yeah? Well eat a dick. PROFESSOR X!" - Tom, in the shower, five hours later.
GDC
"concentrated energy being broadcast" is a contradiction
FancyShark
In hindsight, having a visor that floods your eyes with caustic radiation might not work as a design
gellaho
And that's how Tom Swift destroyed Vermont with his magic ruby scepter
Brendan
Isn't Tom wearing an invulnerability suit?
NostraThomas TommyG
Mine is at the cleaners
Brendan
So far he's been nearly shot, electrocuted, and irradiated: three of the four things the suit prevents.
FancyShark
Suit, yeah. But not visor. He's wearing a Virtual Boy helmet
GDC
Mace's killer balls were no match for deez nutz
gellaho
Jesus Christ, just stab the fucker
gellaho
Or shoot him
With a bullet
FancyShark
Vibroblade, sure
Brendan
STAR WARS EU CONFIRMED
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Vibroblade, everyones favorite sci fi knife.
Even Badger will be smashed
Some vibrofuckers are always trying to vibroskate uphill.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Even Mechwarrior got in on the vibroblade action.
gellaho
If only I had a sonic bomb. Oh, wait, smoke bomb
Even Badger will be smashed
And it even wanks off about fake technology about as hard as the EU did!
gellaho
And Rick remembers he's here and fucks up
gellaho
FancyShark
"Cougar succeeds where the Black Dragon fails" is definitely the name of a video on PornHub
gellaho
Luckily, Cougar just leaves for no reason
Even Badger will be smashed
Getting Cougar's foot in his face probably didn't break Rick's heart too bad.
FancyShark
hahahaha, wait, Cougar has cowboy boots?
gellaho
Yeah, the ghostwriter mentioned it once 80 pages ago
And thought that was enough of an identifier to work here
FancyShark
It's the depth these characters have that makes them beloved
gellaho
Classic
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Criminal..........sixth sense?
Fuck you ghost writer.
GDC
He's a traditionalist
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
SLIT HIS WEASAND COUGAR! CARVE UP THAT TEEN LIKE A GOOSE!
FancyShark
"You know the configuration"
GDC
It's a classic for a reason
gellaho
If only you idiots used bullets before, this wouldn't be a problem
FancyShark
"We had depleted uranium, but we settled on beach balls filled with batteries"
Even Badger will be smashed
Depleted uranium bullets. Because recycling is everyone's civic duty
gellaho
Instead of basing everything off electromagnetism and light or some reason
GDC
The only thing I know about depleted uranium bullets is that they gave marines a +1 range upgrade in Starcraft
gellaho
The speed what now?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Its still radioactive tho, Cougar. You are getting cancer assuming Tom doesnt fuck your face holes with robot bees.
gellaho
The children reading this book are definitely going to know "rheostat"
That common lingo
FancyShark
A rheostat is a variable resistor which is used to control current. They are able to vary the resistance in a circuit without interruption.
AKA "the knob"
Even Badger will be smashed
Calling all my dimmer switches rheostats from now on
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Sometimes books are educational. I would have read this and said "The fuck is a rheostat?!" and gone to look it up.
Brendan
My desktop right now:
Brendan
The first I've heard rheostat and I am STUDYING KNOBS
gellaho
So, did Rick beat up Cougar? I guess the ghostwriter got distracted
gellaho
GDC
I've got rheostats lying around.
NostraThomas TommyG
Only two things…?
gellaho
So you would describe yourself as a real knobhead?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Vibroblade turns back on and shreds Tom's pants pocket and also arteries.
Even Badger will be smashed
She toggle on my joystick til I SPDT SDPT DPST DPDT
Brendan
Oh yeah, I'm a huge knob. Ask anyone.
The rheostat on a vibroblade goes from Rough Trade to August Saturday.
gellaho
Secret robot
NostraThomas TommyG
The story lapped itself!!
gellaho
Oh, a little fella
GDC
my single pole double threw
NostraThomas TommyG
Black Dragon! Oh crap, Kano!
FancyShark
Who will win between the octogenarian Nazi and the high school doofuses?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Um.........writer? You know we dont care what he looks like and also the protagonists already know?
gellaho
Let's stop wasting my time
Even Badger will be smashed
If recent history is anything to go by…
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Like this whole "Black Dragon" thing isnt a reveal, you hack.
gellaho
STOP WASTING MY TIME
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Fuck you, book.
Brendan
the robot sighed?
NostraThomas TommyG
I thought he seemed a bit wooden…
gellaho
Why
Brendan
Wizard of Oz!
gellaho
Why
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Lifelike as possible FOR WAX you mean.
Even Badger will be smashed
Jesus, who gives a fuck? Just let the dude job out already.
NostraThomas TommyG
Sure, why not?
gellaho
Whyyyyyyyyyyy
LyraV
ugh its a russian nesting doll of disappointment
NostraThomas TommyG
"And I did it 35 minutes ago…"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Fuck OFFFFF book, we dont care about your half assed Bond villain.
GDC
There's still 5 more fake Maces they haven't found yet
Brendan
We already know the holograms are solid, why are they intangible now except when wax dummy?
Even Badger will be smashed
Get to the part where you cybersurf away from the exploding compound already!
FancyShark
oh no
NostraThomas TommyG
To think, trees died for,this book smh 🤦‍♂️
FancyShark
This is it
This is what Tom's mom meant by "he loves to talk"
We're trapped here
Even Badger will be smashed
Nooooo
NostraThomas TommyG
Hey, my mom was better than that
gellaho
This is so unnecessarily complicated
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Toms Mom should have told him "Yeah he never shuts the fuck up, always has to have the last word."
NostraThomas TommyG
Orb, honey, can you please melt me so,I can escape this??
Even Badger will be smashed
So why didn't you use the backdoor like thirty pages ago
GDC
Tom's mom also told him Mace likes to be called 'mein fuhrer' in bed.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Also he spiked Orb in the butthole, Orb aint gonna do shit?
FancyShark
Orb is indestructible but can still be shut off by a paperclip
NostraThomas TommyG
The Loc-Nar made more sense!
gellaho
RIP ROB
Brendan
Orb and Rob making Robot babies named Bor
gellaho
And back to California. Having accomplished very little
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Tom, fuck you. You dont get to feel remorse about murdering your robot slave.
gellaho
Wait, why though
NostraThomas TommyG
Hey, I like bots!
Brendan
and his bro Rbo
Even Badger will be smashed
And Rob wasn't even full of milk.
For shame.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Different Tom, you're cool.
NostraThomas TommyG
Would you really be surprised if we were the same at this point?
FancyShark
You're letting the knife lunatic go if he helps you move some furniture?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Rob is fucking peoples face holes with pollen in robot heaven now.
GDC
RIP Robo Bro Rob
gellaho
Dun dun dun
FancyShark
"For tickles!"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Oh noooooooo.
Even Badger will be smashed
Squish 'em already!
NostraThomas TommyG
That's a fair trade
gellaho
So intent on orb
NostraThomas TommyG
Orbs and girls.
Seen it
Even Badger will be smashed
It wasn't enough!
But he didn't fall.
gellaho
Sure, calculations. Ahuh
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Sandra, read his fucking lips and put two and two together. "ORB" has a pretty distinct mouth shape.
FancyShark
The hooting of a Klaxon
gellaho
THROW ORB
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Okay being real here? Orb is fun to say,
NostraThomas TommyG
Damn it, how'd you find my high school gif?
NostraThomas TommyG
Owl
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Gonna violate that robot butthole in front of his whole family.
Even Badger will be smashed
Butthole. You were looking for the butthole. Just say it.
gellaho
It's good he's loaded up with needles
gellaho
NostraThomas TommyG
"Orb needs you in my pinhole, it's important!"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Jesus Swift, at least wait til you get in private to do that."
Even Badger will be smashed
"It slid in" on its own is the most ominous sentence in this book
gellaho
Fuck off
NostraThomas TommyG
His breast pocket is the only breast he's ever touched
Even Badger will be smashed
<dismissive jerkoff gesture>
GDC
Mace could have prevented this with one squirt from a glue gun
LyraV
I've got just so many needles....for this yeah and No Other Reason.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Or just by turning Orb into a bomb.
Brendan
Come on, they knew.
NostraThomas TommyG
Funny, I thought my mom would be more helpful…
gellaho
This is not how crime works
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
HE HAS A ROBOT ARMY AND TRIED TO KILL YOU!
Brendan
Step-inventor, what are you d-AAHHHHH
NostraThomas TommyG
"When I get tired enough, baddies can go free!"
Our hero!
FancyShark
This does explain why their security sucks
Even Badger will be smashed
<jerkoff motion intensifies>
Brendan
"He threatened to steal my tech and take over the world."
NostraThomas TommyG
"But I'm TIRED 🥱!"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"He was personally witnessed by two kids THREATENING them."
gellaho
What a jolly jape
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
HE HAS A ROBOT ARMY!
NostraThomas TommyG
"Ahem, TIRED 😴!"
FancyShark
Nope. Cops didn't see it. Doesn't count.
Even Badger will be smashed
That got a laugh from everybody.
They were laughing still when they stove Tom's head in with his own casual penetration orb.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Tom this one was even worse than the bees."
NostraThomas TommyG
Full,of his needles…Just in case
LyraV
and the bees was NOT A GOOD IDEA
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Why the hell does Rick hang out with him?
gellaho
And we end with this? I guess
NostraThomas TommyG
"No!! Not the bees!"
FancyShark
Sister
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Does Rick know you can fuck someones sister and not be best friends?
NostraThomas TommyG
He's got needles in his breast pocket!
Needles 🪡
gellaho
Coming up next on Tom Swift: black holes are magic
NostraThomas TommyG
Oh wow
Black holes are waiting to be stabbed by needles
Even Badger will be smashed
Holy shit I fucking called it with the Reinhardt face claim??
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
The whole next book is just a hallucination while Tom crumples into a nugget of hyperdense matter the size of a pea.
Brendan
Well...not be best friends until that point.
gellaho
We have defeated Tom Swift #1: The Black Dragon
FancyShark
We did it!
NostraThomas TommyG
@gellaho thank you once again for a great time
And please don't take it personal when I say this book sucked like a vacuum cleaner
Even Badger will be smashed
The gellaho face has never looked like it belongs anywhere so hard as on a sky surfer
Brendan
Traversing into a parallel world is a big leap even for Tom.
FancyShark
Yeah. Thank you, @gellaho ! And great riffing, everyone!
Brendan
But if GI Joe can do it...
NostraThomas TommyG
I do it every Thursday
gellaho
So concludes the 86th Edition of The Book Cage
GDC
I think we all learned today that electricity is magic
gellaho
May all your robots be pollinated and may none of you squirt yourselves in the face
Even Badger will be smashed
We 86ed this fucking book, I tell y'all hwat
Brendan
Question?
What if we're into that.
NostraThomas TommyG
86!
Wow! Amazing
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Also if you have enough money you can make robot fuck bees and nobody will say shit.
Brendan
The robots pollinating our face.
Even Badger will be smashed
What you do in the privacy of your own home is between you and god
FancyShark
I'll send you a link in a DM
gellaho
Only read two of these Tom Swift books and, boy, are they concentrated stupid
NostraThomas TommyG
And big brother
Brendan
You'll go to hell and thank me for directions.
LyraV
The big takeaway from this will be annoying bee robots that everyone hates. Loved it @gellaho thank you
Even Badger will be smashed
She goes by Alexa now I'm pretty sure
NostraThomas TommyG
True and her loser sister Google
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Google puts out more than Alexa.
FancyShark
These Tom Swift books have been far more stupid and baffling than the Hardy Boys ones
NostraThomas TommyG
Siri beats them all in sluttiness
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Yeah but Siri is high dollar.
Cortana is unfuckable, ironically.
FancyShark
I think because we're all nerds that don't let the technobabble bullshit get away unnoticed
NostraThomas TommyG
Cortana is the dollar general cousin they hide in the attic at thanksgiving
Even Badger will be smashed
Remember when Samsung was going to make their own girl friday ai and killed the project when people were too horny for her?
NostraThomas TommyG
I'm not a nerd, @FancyShark
Nerds are smart
Even Badger will be smashed
Man. The road not taken.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Cowards.
Even Badger will be smashed
The attic is Master Chief's head
FancyShark
Okay, you keep talking shit about yourself and you're getting bit
gellaho
I have to reread so much of it because I don't even know what they are trying to say
NostraThomas TommyG
You have to come out of the water to,do,so
FancyShark
:flyingshark:
NostraThomas TommyG
Foiled again!!
Shounen Ass Ramb$ne Gracie
NostraThomas TommyG
And again!
Shounen Ass Ramb$ne Gracie
don't worry... it'll go away.
FancyShark
NostraThomas TommyG
oh damn it, now it's overkill
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Maneater has assured me that being on land is no barrier to shark attacks.
NostraThomas TommyG
Oh oh here she comes…
FancyShark
That game rules so hard
Even Badger will be smashed
Best card
No notes
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Also dont forget the land shark.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Real hobbit gobbler.
NostraThomas TommyG
Why the back hatch?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I assume its for cooling.
NostraThomas TommyG
Is that where he keeps the spare?
gellaho
That super genius wanted the skyboard to make weapons, made hundreds if not thousands instantly, which were easily defeated by a single teen and a ruby rod
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Like how some bugs unfold their wings to cool their body.
Even Badger will be smashed
It's how he gets in and out of his power armor
NostraThomas TommyG
Smug ass look on the shark's face
NostraThomas TommyG
Azmodeus' ruby rod is a major artifact
gellaho
That entire plot was a waste of time
NostraThomas TommyG
Much like the book but not ours riffing it to,pieces
gellaho
I know fuck all about the black dragon except that he dated Tom Swift's mom for... some period of time
NostraThomas TommyG
It's so much fun to play the book cage with you awesome hot doggers
Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag
I'm glad I got to pop in on it a little bit. 😊