86: 1 The Black Dragon Victor Appleton

gellaho

Meanwhile

Even Badger will be smashed

Hahaha birds are a Black Dragon psyop

FancyShark

All the grace of a Radioshack RC car

Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag

I've witnessed a parking lot completely full of crows milling around at midnight so I dunno, dude. I guess they weren't FLYING though.

gellaho

Lamination: the strongest thing known to man

LyraV

Good thing these outfits are gasproof or we'd be in real trouble from that laser

Even Badger will be smashed

They just flew in and boy, were their arms tired

gellaho

Electricity just does whatever you want, right?

gellaho

Like explode

Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag

Sadly didn't

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Again, you have enough tech to build LASER cannons and you need this idiot kids superconductors? How do you not have something like that already?!

gellaho

The concussive force of electricity

Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag

Oh right, Rob is a robot, DUH MORDRED

GDC

Part of the reason you use seatbelts is so you don't become a projectile when you crash

gellaho

I'm more a fan of incoherent light

GDC

Light really loses cohesion after it's had a few.

LyraV

I'm not sure I fully understood that until now and I've been really trying to follow this one

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Congrats, Black Dragon, you are discovering what literally everyone who ever tried to build a laser cannon has discovered. They eat a lot of power and by the time you get one to the size where it can destroy a vehicle, you might as well have just fired a missile at it.

FancyShark

Gimme the keys, light. You're too drunk to drive.

gellaho

Alright, fair's fair. That's sick.

Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag

I asked earlier. I've been popping in and out.

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

ROBOT SUICIDE BOMBER! 🎸

gellaho

There have been like 15 basketball metaphors in this book for some reason

Brendan

RIP Robbie the Robot

Even Badger will be smashed

FUCK

that's totally what he's named for

Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag

Now he'll have to build Andy the Android.

Even Badger will be smashed

Dammit. Dammit. Dammit

GDC

We also have a basketball shaped robot that somehow has not been dunked yet

gellaho

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah"

FancyShark

He died as he lived: A better person than Tom Swift

LyraV

then Alexander the Automan

gellaho

Think about the letters making up "Orb" and move them around

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Oh Tom will build Greta the Gynoid first. For reasons TOTALLY NOT including making Mandy jealous.

Even Badger will be smashed

Nah that one I got earlier

Gina the Gynoid will be her twin for double the jealousy

They will hang off his arms like towels

GDC

Tom slices the guards in half with his enhanced lasers

Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag

Ginava

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

He'll be like a nerd ass Odell from Battledome if he makes a Genevive.

gellaho

Electronic dart

gellaho

Because that's what sharpshooters use

Darts

LyraV

dart sharpshooter is quite the job title

FancyShark

If the dart had hit, it'd be triple score

Brendan

These are the doublemint twins! I minted them this morning!

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

This is maybe the first time assaulting a Nazi compound in an armored battle van has been this boring.

gellaho

Rob has Dikembe Mutombo protocols

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Tom should stick to making electric shirts to fight professional wrestlers.

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Rob remembers how you electrospiked Orb in the robo butthole, Tom. Rob remembers, and waits.

Brendan

Starting to think Rob was built to conquer the Latvian NBA.

gellaho

This seems like a bad tactic

gellaho

GDC

Tom calls in an airstrike

FancyShark

"It can't be. That's inside the room!"

Even Badger will be smashed

"Since when does Tom Swift care about danger close?"

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

"Ram the building and trigger the grenade sowers."

"Uh.....Tom arent we rescuing Rick?"

"Oh. Right. Use the CS gas and EMP ones then."

Even Badger will be smashed

"Brilliant gambit, sir"

gellaho

This is a terrible threat

gellaho

"I will eventually have a threat, Tom Swift"

"Please surrender"

"Please"

FancyShark

"I am gathering resources. Please delay attack until next round."

Even Badger will be smashed

"Your mother fucking life ends thirty minutes from now."

Brendan

Gavin Belstrom: Huli innovator

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

"Just as soon as the Taiwanese laborers finish assembling the robots to build the attack robots you will know my absolute wrath, Tom Swift."

gellaho

And if he has models, he definitely has the full thing

Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag

Oh god no, not the action figures

Even Badger will be smashed

I have a model of the Normandy from Mass Effect. Doesn't mean I have the real thing in my garage.

…Or do I?

FancyShark

"You didn't see his miniatures, Tom"

LyraV

Why does every chapter number box have a boomerang on it?

Even Badger will be smashed

No. No I don't. Just checked.

Rats.

gellaho

Oh, balls

Even Badger will be smashed

I thought I knew why a while ago but if you give me a second it'll come back to me

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

OH no. Bombs that wont be effective but now they FLY!

Even Badger will be smashed

Not the Xorb Morbs!!

gellaho

It makes sense if you don't think about it

gellaho

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Black Dragon you suck as a weapons designer. You dont make your suicide bombs round.

You need a shaped charge to pierce armor.

You baboon.

Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag

Oh shit the robots thought of that thing we were talking about

FancyShark

Dodgeball: Anime Edition

NostraThomas TommyG

They fly now??

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

When you think of something stupid as a joke but the book does it seriously.

gellaho

These balls suck

Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag

Just run around in circles until they run out of spray.

gellaho

Adorable butterfly bomblets

Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag

Jesus they're like Hawkeye's special arrows.

Even Badger will be smashed

Deploy the boxing glove xorb!!

gellaho

Very intimidating

FancyShark

This is like watching ping pong balls try to kill a wall

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Again, the government is powerless to intervene.

Powerless.

FancyShark

Soldiers are no match for balls

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

To keep a guy from building a robot army with suicide drones.

gellaho

I guess the TV held the microphones too

GDC

and also a camera?

FancyShark

Tom disregards his mother's only advice

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Tom you have some really upsetting commands youve programmed Rob to obey.

gellaho

It's not a bug if it's in his facility and he was speaking to you through it

gellaho

It's just a mic you stupid robot

FancyShark

"He planted a bug in here!"

"Your finger is on the intercom."

Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag

Now I have "Seek and Destroy" stuck in my head so thank you (sincere).

gellaho

Seems safe

Brendan

Rob is the real hero here.

Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag

Jesus fuck

Even Badger will be smashed

No notes, let's ship them out to RadioShack tomorrow morning

FancyShark

Tom made mini Chernobyls

Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag

So if I turn on my AC and my dishwasher at the same time my house will explode. Cool, cool.

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Oh shit Tom is gonna Enders Game Black Dragon's compound.

Man CEO Dad is not going to be happy about this detail.

GDC

Wasn't this Electro's origin story?

gellaho

It's not like a bunch of lasers, explosions, or electricity have been going off nearby

gellaho

Brendan

Or if your cell phone goes off near it

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Your wifi will be pristine during the explosion tho.

Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag

Or nuke a Hot Pocket

GDC

In retrospect it was probably a bad idea to spread them over a windy beach

gellaho

Every single building is surrounded by checks notes 90 million volts. But that's probably not enough

FancyShark

"I need more power than a portable power supply can provide. So I brought my portable power supply."

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

"Oh yeah by the way, Rick, when we get home, avoid being near seagulls for about a month."

Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag

He's sentenced that poor, horny girl to death.

Brendan

"I was born among the volts! Raised in their ways! Your fears mean no more to me than rubber!"

gellaho

Eat a dick

Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag

How did they avoid getting any in their lungs, BTW.

Don't sneeze.

Even Badger will be smashed

Pretty sure this is exactly how the aliens in Battlefield Earth ended up with a home planet that exploded from the force of a single Bic lighter

gellaho

It's a good thing this communication robot rolled up exactly when Tom Swift wanted to negotiate

gellaho

Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag

"With my balls"

GDC

Okay I can't not picture this as MODOK

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Oh its the robot from Fallout 3.

gellaho

If you are wondering where this ruby rod came from, so am I

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

He got it from his pact with Satan.

Duh.

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

You ever see that hairdo and wanna like.......put something in the tube part? Like a pencil or a hotdog?

Brendan

Also gives Zola

gellaho

Ah, my fault for missing this throw away line

Even Badger will be smashed

God. Zola was the best part of Winter Soldier.

Just a sick black ops cutscene followed by a save or die. That's how all villain monologues should be

FancyShark

Shipping on that ruby must've been a bitch when he's out in the middle of the Vermontian desert

Even Badger will be smashed

Sorry, I know we're caging, I just can't not gush about Zola

gellaho

F- line

gellaho

Even Badger will be smashed

I recognize that I fucked up the Cliff chain but I also refuse to fix it.

Brendan

Tom Swift: genius

gellaho

They must have done a lot of research to get this ruby science right

LyraV

Ruby Rhod could probably power a laser with that energy

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

"Oh yeah? Well eat a dick. PROFESSOR X!" - Tom, in the shower, five hours later.

GDC

"concentrated energy being broadcast" is a contradiction

FancyShark

In hindsight, having a visor that floods your eyes with caustic radiation might not work as a design

gellaho

And that's how Tom Swift destroyed Vermont with his magic ruby scepter

Brendan

Isn't Tom wearing an invulnerability suit?

NostraThomas TommyG

Mine is at the cleaners

Brendan

So far he's been nearly shot, electrocuted, and irradiated: three of the four things the suit prevents.

FancyShark

Suit, yeah. But not visor. He's wearing a Virtual Boy helmet

GDC

Mace's killer balls were no match for deez nutz

gellaho

Jesus Christ, just stab the fucker

gellaho

Or shoot him

With a bullet

FancyShark

Vibroblade, sure

Brendan

STAR WARS EU CONFIRMED

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Vibroblade, everyones favorite sci fi knife.

Even Badger will be smashed

Some vibrofuckers are always trying to vibroskate uphill.

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Even Mechwarrior got in on the vibroblade action.

gellaho

If only I had a sonic bomb. Oh, wait, smoke bomb

Even Badger will be smashed

And it even wanks off about fake technology about as hard as the EU did!

gellaho

And Rick remembers he's here and fucks up

gellaho

FancyShark

"Cougar succeeds where the Black Dragon fails" is definitely the name of a video on PornHub

gellaho

Luckily, Cougar just leaves for no reason

Even Badger will be smashed

Getting Cougar's foot in his face probably didn't break Rick's heart too bad.

FancyShark

hahahaha, wait, Cougar has cowboy boots?

gellaho

Yeah, the ghostwriter mentioned it once 80 pages ago

And thought that was enough of an identifier to work here

FancyShark

It's the depth these characters have that makes them beloved

gellaho

Classic

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Criminal..........sixth sense?

Fuck you ghost writer.

GDC

He's a traditionalist

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

SLIT HIS WEASAND COUGAR! CARVE UP THAT TEEN LIKE A GOOSE!

FancyShark

"You know the configuration"

GDC

It's a classic for a reason

gellaho

If only you idiots used bullets before, this wouldn't be a problem

FancyShark

"We had depleted uranium, but we settled on beach balls filled with batteries"

Even Badger will be smashed

Depleted uranium bullets. Because recycling is everyone's civic duty

gellaho

Instead of basing everything off electromagnetism and light or some reason

GDC

The only thing I know about depleted uranium bullets is that they gave marines a +1 range upgrade in Starcraft

gellaho

The speed what now?

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Its still radioactive tho, Cougar. You are getting cancer assuming Tom doesnt fuck your face holes with robot bees.

gellaho

The children reading this book are definitely going to know "rheostat"

That common lingo

FancyShark

A rheostat is a variable resistor which is used to control current. They are able to vary the resistance in a circuit without interruption.

AKA "the knob"

Even Badger will be smashed

Calling all my dimmer switches rheostats from now on

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Sometimes books are educational. I would have read this and said "The fuck is a rheostat?!" and gone to look it up.

Brendan

My desktop right now:

Brendan

The first I've heard rheostat and I am STUDYING KNOBS

gellaho

So, did Rick beat up Cougar? I guess the ghostwriter got distracted

gellaho

GDC

I've got rheostats lying around.

NostraThomas TommyG

Only two things…?

gellaho

So you would describe yourself as a real knobhead?

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Vibroblade turns back on and shreds Tom's pants pocket and also arteries.

Even Badger will be smashed

She toggle on my joystick til I SPDT SDPT DPST DPDT

Brendan

Oh yeah, I'm a huge knob. Ask anyone.

The rheostat on a vibroblade goes from Rough Trade to August Saturday.

gellaho

Secret robot

NostraThomas TommyG

The story lapped itself!!

gellaho

Oh, a little fella

GDC

my single pole double threw

NostraThomas TommyG

Black Dragon! Oh crap, Kano!

FancyShark

Who will win between the octogenarian Nazi and the high school doofuses?

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Um.........writer? You know we dont care what he looks like and also the protagonists already know?

gellaho

Let's stop wasting my time

Even Badger will be smashed

If recent history is anything to go by…

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Like this whole "Black Dragon" thing isnt a reveal, you hack.

gellaho

STOP WASTING MY TIME

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Fuck you, book.

Brendan

the robot sighed?

NostraThomas TommyG

I thought he seemed a bit wooden…

gellaho

Why

Brendan

Wizard of Oz!

gellaho

Why

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Lifelike as possible FOR WAX you mean.

Even Badger will be smashed

Jesus, who gives a fuck? Just let the dude job out already.

NostraThomas TommyG

Sure, why not?

gellaho

Whyyyyyyyyyyy

LyraV

ugh its a russian nesting doll of disappointment

NostraThomas TommyG

"And I did it 35 minutes ago…"

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Fuck OFFFFF book, we dont care about your half assed Bond villain.

GDC

There's still 5 more fake Maces they haven't found yet

Brendan

We already know the holograms are solid, why are they intangible now except when wax dummy?

Even Badger will be smashed

Get to the part where you cybersurf away from the exploding compound already!

FancyShark

oh no

NostraThomas TommyG

To think, trees died for,this book smh 🤦‍♂️

FancyShark

This is it

This is what Tom's mom meant by "he loves to talk"

We're trapped here

Even Badger will be smashed

Nooooo

NostraThomas TommyG

Hey, my mom was better than that

gellaho

This is so unnecessarily complicated

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Toms Mom should have told him "Yeah he never shuts the fuck up, always has to have the last word."

NostraThomas TommyG

Orb, honey, can you please melt me so,I can escape this??

Even Badger will be smashed

So why didn't you use the backdoor like thirty pages ago

GDC

Tom's mom also told him Mace likes to be called 'mein fuhrer' in bed.

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Also he spiked Orb in the butthole, Orb aint gonna do shit?

FancyShark

Orb is indestructible but can still be shut off by a paperclip

NostraThomas TommyG

The Loc-Nar made more sense!

gellaho

RIP ROB

Brendan

Orb and Rob making Robot babies named Bor

gellaho

And back to California. Having accomplished very little

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Tom, fuck you. You dont get to feel remorse about murdering your robot slave.

gellaho

Wait, why though

NostraThomas TommyG

Hey, I like bots!

Brendan

and his bro Rbo

Even Badger will be smashed

And Rob wasn't even full of milk.

For shame.

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Different Tom, you're cool.

NostraThomas TommyG

Would you really be surprised if we were the same at this point?

FancyShark

You're letting the knife lunatic go if he helps you move some furniture?

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Rob is fucking peoples face holes with pollen in robot heaven now.

GDC

RIP Robo Bro Rob

gellaho

Dun dun dun

FancyShark

"For tickles!"

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Oh noooooooo.

Even Badger will be smashed

Squish 'em already!

NostraThomas TommyG

That's a fair trade

gellaho

So intent on orb

NostraThomas TommyG

Orbs and girls.

Seen it

Even Badger will be smashed

It wasn't enough!

But he didn't fall.