86: 1 The Black Dragon Victor Appleton

gellaho

Sure, calculations. Ahuh

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Sandra, read his fucking lips and put two and two together. "ORB" has a pretty distinct mouth shape.

FancyShark

The hooting of a Klaxon

gellaho

THROW ORB

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Okay being real here? Orb is fun to say,

NostraThomas TommyG

Damn it, how'd you find my high school gif?

NostraThomas TommyG

Owl

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Gonna violate that robot butthole in front of his whole family.

Even Badger will be smashed

Butthole. You were looking for the butthole. Just say it.

gellaho

It's good he's loaded up with needles

gellaho

NostraThomas TommyG

"Orb needs you in my pinhole, it's important!"

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

"Jesus Swift, at least wait til you get in private to do that."

Even Badger will be smashed

"It slid in" on its own is the most ominous sentence in this book

gellaho

Fuck off

NostraThomas TommyG

His breast pocket is the only breast he's ever touched

Even Badger will be smashed

<dismissive jerkoff gesture>

GDC

Mace could have prevented this with one squirt from a glue gun

LyraV

I've got just so many needles....for this yeah and No Other Reason.

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Or just by turning Orb into a bomb.

Brendan

Come on, they knew.

NostraThomas TommyG

Funny, I thought my mom would be more helpful…

gellaho

This is not how crime works

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

HE HAS A ROBOT ARMY AND TRIED TO KILL YOU!

Brendan

Step-inventor, what are you d-AAHHHHH

NostraThomas TommyG

"When I get tired enough, baddies can go free!"

Our hero!

FancyShark

This does explain why their security sucks

Even Badger will be smashed

<jerkoff motion intensifies>

Brendan

"He threatened to steal my tech and take over the world."

NostraThomas TommyG

"But I'm TIRED 🥱!"

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

"He was personally witnessed by two kids THREATENING them."

gellaho

What a jolly jape

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

HE HAS A ROBOT ARMY!

NostraThomas TommyG

"Ahem, TIRED 😴!"

FancyShark

Nope. Cops didn't see it. Doesn't count.

Even Badger will be smashed

That got a laugh from everybody.

They were laughing still when they stove Tom's head in with his own casual penetration orb.

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

"Tom this one was even worse than the bees."

NostraThomas TommyG

Full,of his needles…Just in case

LyraV

and the bees was NOT A GOOD IDEA

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Why the hell does Rick hang out with him?

gellaho

And we end with this? I guess

NostraThomas TommyG

"No!! Not the bees!"

FancyShark

Sister

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Does Rick know you can fuck someones sister and not be best friends?

NostraThomas TommyG

He's got needles in his breast pocket!

Needles 🪡

gellaho

Coming up next on Tom Swift: black holes are magic

NostraThomas TommyG

Oh wow

Black holes are waiting to be stabbed by needles

Even Badger will be smashed

Holy shit I fucking called it with the Reinhardt face claim??

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

The whole next book is just a hallucination while Tom crumples into a nugget of hyperdense matter the size of a pea.

Brendan

Well...not be best friends until that point.

gellaho

We have defeated Tom Swift #1: The Black Dragon

FancyShark

We did it!

NostraThomas TommyG

@gellaho thank you once again for a great time

And please don't take it personal when I say this book sucked like a vacuum cleaner

Even Badger will be smashed

The gellaho face has never looked like it belongs anywhere so hard as on a sky surfer

Brendan

Traversing into a parallel world is a big leap even for Tom.

FancyShark

Yeah. Thank you, @gellaho ! And great riffing, everyone!

Brendan

But if GI Joe can do it...

NostraThomas TommyG

I do it every Thursday

gellaho

So concludes the 86th Edition of The Book Cage

GDC

I think we all learned today that electricity is magic

gellaho

May all your robots be pollinated and may none of you squirt yourselves in the face

Even Badger will be smashed

We 86ed this fucking book, I tell y'all hwat

Brendan

Question?

What if we're into that.

NostraThomas TommyG

86!

Wow! Amazing

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Also if you have enough money you can make robot fuck bees and nobody will say shit.

Brendan

The robots pollinating our face.

Even Badger will be smashed

What you do in the privacy of your own home is between you and god

FancyShark

I'll send you a link in a DM

gellaho

Only read two of these Tom Swift books and, boy, are they concentrated stupid

NostraThomas TommyG

And big brother

Brendan

You'll go to hell and thank me for directions.

LyraV

The big takeaway from this will be annoying bee robots that everyone hates. Loved it @gellaho thank you

Even Badger will be smashed

She goes by Alexa now I'm pretty sure

NostraThomas TommyG

True and her loser sister Google

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Google puts out more than Alexa.

FancyShark

These Tom Swift books have been far more stupid and baffling than the Hardy Boys ones

NostraThomas TommyG

Siri beats them all in sluttiness

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Yeah but Siri is high dollar.

Cortana is unfuckable, ironically.

FancyShark

I think because we're all nerds that don't let the technobabble bullshit get away unnoticed

NostraThomas TommyG

Cortana is the dollar general cousin they hide in the attic at thanksgiving

Even Badger will be smashed

Remember when Samsung was going to make their own girl friday ai and killed the project when people were too horny for her?

NostraThomas TommyG

I'm not a nerd, @FancyShark

Nerds are smart

Even Badger will be smashed

Man. The road not taken.

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Cowards.

Even Badger will be smashed

The attic is Master Chief's head

FancyShark

Okay, you keep talking shit about yourself and you're getting bit

gellaho

I have to reread so much of it because I don't even know what they are trying to say

NostraThomas TommyG

You have to come out of the water to,do,so

FancyShark

:flyingshark:

NostraThomas TommyG

Foiled again!!

Shounen Ass Ramb$ne Gracie

NostraThomas TommyG

And again!

Shounen Ass Ramb$ne Gracie

don't worry... it'll go away.

FancyShark

NostraThomas TommyG

oh damn it, now it's overkill

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Maneater has assured me that being on land is no barrier to shark attacks.

NostraThomas TommyG

Oh oh here she comes…

FancyShark

That game rules so hard

Even Badger will be smashed

Best card

No notes

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Also dont forget the land shark.

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Real hobbit gobbler.

NostraThomas TommyG

Why the back hatch?

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

I assume its for cooling.

NostraThomas TommyG

Is that where he keeps the spare?

gellaho

That super genius wanted the skyboard to make weapons, made hundreds if not thousands instantly, which were easily defeated by a single teen and a ruby rod

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Like how some bugs unfold their wings to cool their body.

Even Badger will be smashed

It's how he gets in and out of his power armor

NostraThomas TommyG

Smug ass look on the shark's face

NostraThomas TommyG

Azmodeus' ruby rod is a major artifact

gellaho

That entire plot was a waste of time

NostraThomas TommyG

Much like the book but not ours riffing it to,pieces

gellaho

I know fuck all about the black dragon except that he dated Tom Swift's mom for... some period of time

NostraThomas TommyG

It's so much fun to play the book cage with you awesome hot doggers

Mordred was a Teenage Dirtbag

I'm glad I got to pop in on it a little bit. 😊