Tags: The Year of Pain, Proving I Am a Serious Artist by Ruining the Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew
Who is Nancy Drew?
Archive
gellaho
The Book Cage: Episode 94:3 - Proving I Am a Serious Artist by Ruining the Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew: Part 3 - The Death of Nancy Drew
It's time to look at the sequel to The Big Lie which ended up being a three year undertaking. That's right, this came out in the year of our Lord Two Thousand and Twenty. And boy is it topical. The opioid epidemic, China, housing crises, and so much more. And everyone loves Nancy Drew. Find out what it's like for a book to fail the Reverse Bechdel Test this Friday, 5pm eastern.
gellaho
FancyShark
I'm sure this will be handled with the grace and skill it deserves
gellaho
It deserves none and it will receive none
gellaho
Coming up on the hour it's The Death of Nancy Drew. There aren't any previews or summaries to speak of, so instead enjoy this sad interview between the writer and his editor
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
You have to love it when a dude goes fishing for a compliment and gets shut down completely in an interview.
"ol' san antone" jakesy
Lol
Amazing
Why would you print that
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
You print it when deep down, you know you deserve it and you want people to know what you did.
gellaho
Once again, these books came ridiculously overprotected
FancyShark
Wrapped like it came from the dry cleaners
gellaho
Time to begin the process
gellaho
You might notice the terrible job they did on that tombstone
FancyShark
So much that I didn't realize it WAS a tombstone
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
It looks like someone graffitied Nancy's death rock with a second, worse one.
gellaho
Crank!
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Wow I didnt know the Jason Statham film Crank did so badly it had to get a job.
FancyShark
Maybe it's a side project
gellaho
I hope you like the dark. You're going to get a lot of it
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Off kilter and slightly weird and halting version of Cowboy Bebop theme plays
gellaho
8 years ago: watermelon skirt
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Fuck you, book, why would you even bother explaining who Nancy Drew is?
If you don''t know why would you have this comic?!
gellaho
4: she does... something
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Nancy Drew, pictured here twisting the heads off someones Go-Bots.
gellaho
Six months: pretend doctor
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Time to play "Lab or Trench coat: How inept is this artist?"
gellaho
Joe sad
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
God, Joe has progressed to having women who arent even interested in him die.
gellaho
Catherine A. D.
FancyShark
Sequel to Babylon AD
gellaho
I hope you like pining. You're going to get a lot of it
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
"beloved"
gellaho
Despite changing artists, eyes are still missing
FancyShark
Reflective stone. Good for reflecting on the deceased and for being incredibly hard to keep clean
"They're called The Syndicate because our writer phoned it in"
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
I really want a death rock that someone will have to use Windex on so the teens who fuck on my grave dont leave fingerprints.
Nothing like an homage that implies the publisher of the source material is an organized crime syndicate.
gellaho
The last case made Nancy crazed and obsessed. Despite the fact that the Hardy Boys' dad died
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Well to be fair, if my dad was Fenton Hardy I also wouldnt be that upset if he died.
GDC
Joe being ignored and not getting the hint is in character, at least.
gellaho
An experienced criminal attorney turns to a 17 year old for stability
FancyShark
Odds of him showing up and laughing at the funeral are at least 50/50
gellaho
He's way cooler than Carson though. He's got neat disguises
Brendan
Hi, I'm not really here, is Nancy dead
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Seems that way.
But we havent seen a body so who knows.
FancyShark
It's the perfect way to bring in Nancy Drew fans
gellaho
Drawing faces is hard
Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal
That classic Airbrushed Male look
FancyShark
And they say Joe Hardy aged three generations that day
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
"The neutral mask is supposed to let you project yourself onto the character."
"Dude you just didnt draw a face, fuck you. Return the Arby's coupon we paid you."
GDC
It's low poly joe
gellaho
Joe vows revenge. Not because they killed his dad, but because Nancy died in a possibly unrelated accident
gellaho
What if I told you this artist was also Brazilian
FancyShark
Walking right over two Nobel Prize winners and a family doctor on his way out
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Oooooh Brazilian Arby's coupons!
GDC
Joe presses F to pay respects.
gellaho
Time to get topical
FancyShark
"F for Nancy"
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Given they couldnt solve their fathers murder without her this might not be all that big of a deal, Joes idea of vengeance could just involve getting some hamburgers.
gellaho
And some bad drawings to go along with it. First up: mortgage crises
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Hahahahah look at the weird hands.
FancyShark
Rob Reiner w/ T-Rex arms is the hero
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
And that woman looks like shes mid angry sneeze.
GDC
Tragic arm shortening diseases struck bearded men everywhere.
gellaho
China
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
lol like that would ever happen. Jobs go to China, not the other way around.
gellaho
WHY WON'T YOU TALK ABOUT MY PRECIOUS NANCY
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
It's almost like one probably accidental death isnt that big of a deal to people who dont know her.
GDC
"either order something or get out"
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Or alternatively, nobody liked Nancy.
gellaho
I forgot what this idiot did to Frank
Meet dirtbag Frank
FancyShark
Oh right. Frank's not a karate robot in this
gellaho
If you remember he looked like a elven child in the last one
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
You buy weed from this Frank, and try not to mention his weird baby hand.
gellaho
Pay attention to how his skin tone randomly changes as we go
Quite the coincidence that Frank went to college so close to Nancy
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
"Joe, I went to college so now I am too grownup for stupid child shit like solving murders."
GDC
Frank didn't wash his paintball camo all the way off.
gellaho
FancyShark
His chin is devouring his face!
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
"I took a class and my professor told me to read Kropotkin. I'm very cool now."
gellaho
That beanie is slowly turning into a fez
FancyShark
"I investigated the weather, Joe. Because I'm smart."
Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR FACE?
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Yeah I bet the obsessed Nancy would have told you to drop it.
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Lemon Warheads, not even once.
gellaho
Carson took this opportunity to grow an 1800s beard
Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal
Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺
My husband sometimes trims his facial hair like this for fun before shaving it all off.
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
The mutton chops of grief.
gellaho
Carson shrugging like he can hear Joe's thoughts
GDC
I did the same thing.
Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺
Getting some Disco Elysium up ins
FancyShark
The blinds in that room must be colossal
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
He got his lisence revoked and went broke in WEEKS?
Carson had a bad coke habit.
FancyShark
Lawyering means horse racing
Brendan
Bayport Noir
gellaho
Little known fact: Joe's skull changes shape based on his emotions
FancyShark
"Laughing at her attempts at being a real detective"
GDC
Joe smiles as he incinerates an insect with the glass. It was good to feel something again.
Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺
That's what happens when you learn to draw via How To Draw Manga books instead of a life drawing class.
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
"We went thru her shit and since we didnt find any notes saying "It was Murderous Dave the Murderer." we just laughed at all her dumb crap."
"She used to burn ants with this magnifying glass, lmao."
gellaho
George and Bess have changed. Bess especially, who was redheaded and white in the last series. And is now black
gellaho
They're also supposed to be cousins, but don't tell Anthony that
FancyShark
People really do cope in different ways
GDC
Joe coped by seeing the deadlights, based on his hair.
gellaho
Yeah, she's having a weird face day
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Ironically I would read a book that revealed Nancy Drew was biracial the whole time.
Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺
George, see a dentist
GDC
You guys can stop impersonating Picasso paintings, it wasn't funny the first time.
Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺
Or is that Bess?
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
"Hey remember when we were all white and convinced that that foreign kid was a vampire?"
gellaho
Bess
FancyShark
"Hahaha, my neck is wider than my shoulders!"
gellaho
That's a face for asking a question, sure
Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺
Since George was the enby last time I automatically thought the one with short hair is George.
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
"Hahhahah yeah, and Nancy kept saying shit like "I dont THINK vampires are real, but I'm not sure."
Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺
A HIDDEN COMPARTMENT YOU SAY??
Brendan
Dolezaling so hard.
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Every car has a hidden compartment. Its for spare tires.
gellaho
They can't even keep race straight within this continuity
GDC
It's called a trunk, Joe.
gellaho
Bess's chin grew three sizes that day
Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺
Dang that 1/4 profile
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
What a whimsical thing to name your karaoke bar after, a notorious and brutal prison.
FancyShark
They shiv random patrons for verisimilitude
gellaho
I hope you liked black Bess, because this is the last you'll see of her
FancyShark
"Anyway, the library's closed"
gellaho
I'm guessing Anthony did the race swapping thing for points, but didn't do it to the character who is (a) involved in this story and (b) wasn't shown in the last story
It's a bold strategy
FancyShark
Let's see if it pays off
...
It does not
gellaho
I'm sure Ford was thrilled about this
Brendan
Two Besses, we'll see which one the fans like more. Run an A/B Bess.
Wam ba lam WOAH OH
FancyShark
Best part is how it kind of looks like a squirrel
Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal
It was the Bess of times, it was the worst of times
gellaho
Ah, yes, the lucrative lacrosse scholarships
FancyShark
Nothing says lacrosse like fishnet stockings
Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal
If teens can be renowned detectives in this world the author has constructed, lacrosse might as well be profitable
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
"Hey we randomly swapped Bess' race, what else should we do so people know we are one of the good ones?"
"Mention she's in college?"
"Brilliant! Nobel PRize here we come!"
"I don't.........yeah. Whatever."
gellaho
I'm disappointed Ned doesn't look exactly like George in this one
FancyShark
Mayor Ned
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Yeah Ned had local politican vibes so this tracks.
GDC
Ned: Teen Mayor.
gellaho
This artist knows that all teens now are alternative. Asymmetrical haircuts for all!
FancyShark
If he's the criminal, I will eat the writer
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Ned is the Pete Buttigieg in this one.
A criminal, but not THE criminal.
FancyShark
Ned was loyal and dumb as a puppy. I was rooting for him and Nancy in the books
gellaho
I hope you are excited by The Bobbsey Twins, 80 year olds
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
And now he's a mayor. You have been betrayed.
GDC
I didn't realize this was a 50s kids book cinematic universe.
gellaho
You know what, give the old people asymmetrical haircuts too
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
I was not expecting the loss of Midwestern manufacturing and the economic fallout to appear in this comic book for..........children?
gellaho
It's The Avengers for no-one!
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Who is this for again?
FancyShark
Maryanne with the Default Working Mom attire and hair
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
The Hardy Boys in: Rust Belt Blues.
gellaho
The series is called "Proving I Am a Serious Artist by Ruining the Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew" for a reason
Add dashcams onto the topical pile
GDC
At any rate, Carson's about to get some.
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Carson, widowed hobo fuckmaster.
gellaho
See ya, Lonnie
FancyShark
"Darn. Arrested again."
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
"Shucks."
If at some point Frank doesnt yell "TIME TO TASTE HARDY JUSTICE, DIRTBAGS!" and leap thru the air whilst firing two uzis I am going to be upset.
gellaho
Throw cops on there too
GDC
Joe lost his in with the local.cops after being kicked out of one too many bars.
gellaho
I'm just started and we are at least five things deep into 2020
Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal
Topical!
FancyShark
Is beaten with a pipe for several minutes after eating the cop's lunch
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Hahahahah Hardy Boys in: All Cops are Bastards, Especially Our Dead Dad.
gellaho
I think these authors keep forgetting these two are related
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
"Fuck you, Frank. You're too busy with your LIBERAL ARTS DEGREE to help me solve the case!"
FancyShark
It's great how the writer decided to make the dumber Hardy the one who has to piece all of this together
gellaho
RAWR
Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal
BURN THE WITCH
FancyShark
"JOE! MY ARM IS SO TINY! WHEN WILL YOU GIVE UP?"
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
"I'm........majoring in computer science, Joe."
"LIBERAL! ARTS!"
gellaho
This author would understand Frank so badly he'd be getting an arts degree
Brendan
I guess we know who loved her more now.
The one who would punish the world over his headcanon.
gellaho
Thwok
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
"Joe I have to finish college or the student debt will mean I never get surgery to fix my weird baby arm!"
FancyShark
I punch your umbrella
gellaho
Watch that skin tone, everybody
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
KARATE DUEL!
GDC
That umbrella's handle is in the wrong place.
It looks like Rob Liefeld trying to draw a katana.
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Frank should take out the sword he has concealed in his umbrella handle and tell Joe its name is Kinslayer.
gellaho
You know bikers, always drinking out of carafes and saying bro
FancyShark
Nancy was Harley Quinn
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Lonnie was dating Harley Quinn? Nice pull bro.
gellaho
Ooooooooooh, boy. I read this so long ago I forgot this
GDC
Even the biker is picking up huge stalker vibes from Joe.
gellaho
I can't believe I forgot this
THIS AIN'T YOUR KID'S HARDY BOYS
Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal
OH MY GOD SHE DROPPED AN S BOMB
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
"Jeannie Dana, the girl with two first names. Real easy to remember."
GDC
Also, real easy
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
"Loves anal and three ways."
FancyShark
I hope that lady just walked up to Joe and said that unprompted
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
"Never calls you after tho."
GDC
"trust me"
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Really this woman just added the slut part because they used to date.
She's upset about Jeannie not returning her Godsmack CDs
"ol' san antone" jakesy
Hell yeah sluts rule
gellaho
Don't worry about how he found her roommate
gellaho
Mouth
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Lets have a moment of silence in appreciation for all the sluts.
GDC
They did the thing where they put shoe polish on the mouth of the bong.
FancyShark
You can tell it's a fancy restaurant because the waitresses bring all the food out to the front desk before taking it to the table
gellaho
Now that Anthony's popped the seal, he's going full ass
gellaho
Ass.
FancyShark
"Honey, this cake is delicious. It tastes like a badly written argument happened near it."
gellaho
MORE TOPICAL
gellaho
I AM A SERIOUS ARTIST TALKING ABOUT SERIOUS ISSUES
GDC
This is illegal under current employment law.
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Opiod crisis, I'm so close to a 2020 bingo.
cmoooonn riots.
gellaho
Joe out here jumping to conclusions
FancyShark
I'm holding out for a lockdown
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Hahahhah no, Carson didnt get her off. She was found not guilty but she never did cum.
gellaho
Well, that is a coincidence
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Louise kinda looking like she might stab someone with that scalpel.
gellaho
There is something very, very, very stupid coming. It's not 2020 but just wait
FancyShark
Anthony writes mysteries like someone giggling through a prank
gellaho
What about her own forehead?
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
"You know what that's like."
"Um.....actually until recently my brother and I were very close. I talked to him yesterday."
gellaho
That's some good scalpel discipline
FancyShark
She's got so many stitches from times she tried to pick her nose
GDC
That was a scalpel threat.
gellaho
A face like a rocky crag
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Louise shortly before she draws the scalpel across her forehead and peels off her own face.
GIF
FancyShark
Friend of children
gellaho
You'll never guess who it is
FancyShark
Fenton? Nancy? Tom Swift?
Knight Rider?
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Tom Swifts Electric Rifle?!
Kamen Rider?!
GDC
A velociraptor?
Chet?
gellaho
Who could have foreseen this
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
The star of Crank, Jason Statham?!
Well this is horse shit.
I was promised a dead Nancy.
gellaho
Her hair died
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
And this book is too late to have killed Nancy Reagan.
FancyShark
Frank, the smarter brother, tells his idiot brother to give up and go home, thinking that would work.
gellaho
Excuse me, dyed
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
GIF
gellaho
Oh, March 2020. What could go wrong?
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
WERE YOU?!
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
REALLY?!
gellaho
Hitch your ride to Frank Miller in 2020
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Oh..........oh dear.
FancyShark
You're not a misogynist, Anthony. You're a shitty writer who accidentally writes misogynist shit along with basic shit.
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
"Too stupid to be a misogynist" does not look great on your resume.
gellaho
We have defeated The Dead of Nancy Drew #1
gellaho
Moving forward
Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal
We did it!
Oh god wait, it's only #1.
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
You better kill her this time, book.
Use the poison, its more effective.
gellaho
Drawing children is hard
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Nancy Drew has the cheek bones and chin of a 40 year old white man who guest starred on Cheers.
FancyShark
Nancy knew what Tony did with the cold cuts
GDC
Tony was disposing of Jimmy Hoffa.
gellaho
MORE TRAGEDY FOR MY SERIOUS STORY ABOUT NANCY DREW
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
For once, im grateful because this means the artist never got close to an actual child to know what they look like.
gellaho
Remember what I said about Frank?
FancyShark
Frank's blood pressure is going haywire and no one cares
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Joe punched Frank so hard his DNA changed.
gellaho
He's just straight up brown now
GDC
Frank's got saladfingers hands
Brendan
PRISON MIKE
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
"And that was how I got the nickname "Brown Bomber."
"Jesus Joe nobody is ever going to call you that."
gellaho
You'd have to be going really fucking fast to fly out of your car in a rear end collision
gellaho
But I'm guessing Anthony doesn't understand basic relativity
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Not to mention if you're wearing your seatbelt you just bounce your face off the steering wheel.
NANCY!
GDC
if you're wearing your seatbelt.
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
NANCY!
gellaho
The person flying out is Jeannie, who just happens to look exactly like Nancy
It's quite a coincidence
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
I cant help but notice, NANCY!, that you arent wearing your seatbelt.
gellaho
GDC
Also the karaoke bar had $2.00 shots, that probably didn't help.
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
So they..........just decided this blond dead girl was Nancy?!
gellaho
maaaaaaaaaaaannnnn
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
SO..........what?!
gellaho
Remember that the coroner is Jeannie's sister
GDC
So Nancy don draper'd Jeannie and no one noticed?
gellaho
She's committing massive fraud with her own sister's corpse to let Nancy pretend she's dead
Looking good
FancyShark
All to set up the biggest surprise party Carson's ever seen!
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
To fool the two stupidest hitmen who ever walked the face of the earth?!
Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal
The Hardy Boys: The Death Of A Completely Unrelated Person Not Named Nancy Drew didn't really jive with the copy
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Fuck you, comic book.
GDC
This comic remains topical by showing teens using a phone booth.
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
I dont say this lightly but this is one of the stupidest things to ever be in a comic.
gellaho
We'd all go to prison, of course, but at least we'd find out who that man is
FancyShark
She died as she lived: a total slut
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
PHRASING NANCY!
gellaho
Total slut
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
DEAR GOD NANCY SHE IS DEAD.......oh you mean like as a decoy.
Still fucked up, Nancy.
gellaho
Brown Frank is a real weenie
FancyShark
Hell no. Carpool lane!
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
I mean he did get the whiteness punched out of him, he still has a shiner.
That makes a man cautious.
GDC
Frank is putting in a lot of work to look like a dirt bag.
gellaho
Dialog composed entirely out of clichéd quips
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Also I love how they explicitly didnt tell Joe because he would fuck it up with his stupidity.
FancyShark
That at least is on point
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Except their plan was so dumb and bad he figured it out anyway.
So literally any idiot could have done this.
I think the Syndicate isnt real, y'all.
gellaho
Uh, lady, it's at least 2019. She'd be 21
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Frank isnt even hacking a bank, he's ordering hoagies from a fake website.
gellaho
RIVER
"ol' san antone" jakesy
Ugh spoilers!
This is at a soap opera level of nuance
gellaho
Principle Skinnered, excuse him
"ol' san antone" jakesy
What's next, Nancy gets amnesia
gellaho
The coincidences continue
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
"So yeah, I'd like all the things in Jean.....I mean my secret lockbox I labelled "Proof of the badguys conspiracy." please."
Oh shit are they plotting to assassinate Ned "Nickels" Nickerson!
FancyShark
"I couldn't believe my father who I'd discovered was a criminal and murderer knew criminals!"
gellaho
Hey, artboy, decide if that beard is complete or not
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Beard ribbon!
I hate when im typing and my ribbon gets all scrunched up like that.
GDC
Art guy got his Photoshop layers in the wrong order.
FancyShark
If your accountant isn't returning your calls, they're not your accountant anymore
gellaho
Secret trick: draw the same thing over and over again
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
"CTRL+C, CTRL+V........ART!"
gellaho
Just use Chick-fil-A at this point
GDC
Nancy, boning another child detective is the only way he can feel anymore.
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Chick-Phillia is a furry nightclub.
FancyShark
Chick-Fell-A went under for false advertising
gellaho
The dialog is so bad
And I want everyone always talking about Nancy
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Dialog like this is why keeping writers in a small cupboard under the stairs is a bad idea.
They need to be socialized or they start biting.
gellaho
Hair
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Nancy I would also be very pissed that you didnt tell me EVER that you werent dead.
Like......its not weird to be upset that your brother and friend think you are a thick dipshit.
gellaho
Art.
FancyShark
"So that's one 'You Ruined Our Town'. Is that for here or to go?"
GDC
This is the sort of place where a chicken Parm sandwich is exotic.
gellaho
Remember that this issue started with Nancy discovering her dead mom
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Mmmmm Chicken parm sandwich sounds good.
FancyShark
It does, actually
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Also what a waste of eggs, those are expensive.
It would be cheaper just to shoot at them.
gellaho
Splooge
FancyShark
Artist, the joke works a lot better if you don't have them react to the eggs hitting them
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
The Bobbsey Twins: Harbingers of Capitalist driven economic collapse.
gellaho
"Are you enjoying your poorly drawn food?"
FancyShark
"We sure love...green beans? Maybe?"
gellaho
The barber
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
I love......flatbread rhombus and loose dry green beans.
gellaho
"So your accountant did you hair? That makes sense"
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
"Maybe you guys should serve things besides crispy fried tortilla squares?"
gellaho
How's about you fuck off, Anthony
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Anthony you stupid asshole. If a criminal is called something like that its not because its his day job, you fuck. It's because he slits throats with a straight razor or stabs people with scissors or SOMETHING.
FancyShark
Someone taught Anthony that being glib is the same as being funny
gellaho
SKREEEE
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
NO It IS NOT.
FancyShark
It's why you never piss off someone named The Cleaner
gellaho
You can really tell the emotion Nancy feels from that tiny "Frank! Joe!"
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
The perfect front for criminal accounting is a legitimate accounting firm, you stupid asshole.
Anthony is out here giving all the other Anthony's a bad name.
gellaho
Clank! doesn't realize he can change font size
GDC
If it's not the barber, it's someone else wearing bowling shoes.
gellaho
This RIVER hat makes it very hard to take any of this seriously
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
More like Shrank! (the words).
My favorite hat says "LAKE" on it.
gellaho
Nancy notes the straight razor, but still turns her back on it
gellaho
Based on that arc, that razor should have hit his shoes
gellaho
Also, not a great throwing weapon is the straight razor
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
What kind of moron throws a straight razor? Uncle Enzo would be fucking LIVID.
gellaho
But, he's got a gun so the straight razor thing was beyond pointless
GDC
That straight razor will need extensive restoration before it can be used for shaving again.
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Also he doesnt have a straight razor anymore, Nancy, kick his ass.
Guns dont even work!
FancyShark
Make small talk, Nancy! He's a barber! It's his kryptonite!
gellaho
She's not a Hardy Boy
Nancy grew a mustache
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Name one person who has been killed by gunfire in a Nancy Drew related property? They didnt even shoot HER in the face.
FancyShark
And he's got kitty whiskers
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
PULL THE TRIGGER! DO IT NOW AND CLAIM IT WAS SELF DEFENSE OLD MAN!
She had that razor after all!
gellaho
Note the blood and how he lost his razor
gellaho
These are important details
Weeeeoooo
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
um.........did they just kill that guy with a pipe?
"ol' san antone" jakesy
GIF
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Nancy maybe you three deserve to go to jail?
Like you just killed a dude with a pipe while in the process of a B&E
Brendan
Legal on Fifth Avenue
gellaho
The author and artist speak for the first time
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
And yeah, real cop shit, but that aint legal.
Oh god COVID was trying to save us from this?!
WE HAD YOU ALL WRONG COVID!
gellaho
Joe doesn't like drawing Joe. And the editor hates both of them
FancyShark
Wait, Anthony's in Brooklyn. @Brendan @BlindMonkey , you know what to do!
gellaho
The ads in this are basically pornography
GDC
Joe didn't realize hitting someone with a cardboard tube would be so devastating.
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Hahahahahah nice job editor.
Also nobody has ever been banned from Kansas.
gellaho
What the fuck even is this
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
They need all the genetic diversity they can get.
Brendan
Buy him...beer?
FancyShark
Red Sonja is Lady Conan
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Not a bad attempt at a Frazetta but no cigar.
FancyShark
ehhhh, close enough
gellaho
Marketed towards the kids
Brendan
Oh damn, I love Matt Idelson.
gellaho
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Kids love vampire titties.
I know I did.
Brendan
Nobody appreciates a titty more than someone with an internet blocker.
FancyShark
Okay, yeah, I can't explain Vampirella
gellaho
It seems like it should be illegal to advertise this in the same issue
Brendan
You kids have no idea what it was like.
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Titties were like a third of the reason I had so much late 80s D&D art.
gellaho
This is from 2020, my guy
Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal
What's illegal is that Raven looks happy on that ad
Brendan
90 minutes to download Lesbians2_notVirus.jpg
Brendan
Thus: blocker.
gellaho
We have defeated The Death of Nancy Drew #2
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
90 minutes IF WE WERE LUCKY!
gellaho
Moving forward
FancyShark
If someone picked up the phone before then, you just lost your night
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Watching that line as the picture rendered.
Like a wolf watching a deer.
God it was hell.
Brendan
The kid with the 28800 modem would give me a floppy disc with freeware games I wanted to play and throw in porn for free
gellaho
White Frank gets hit on by kitty lady
Brendan
IT WAS BASICALLY THE STONE AGE
FancyShark
Frank remains sexless
The fool
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
That's literally how you become king of the eighth grade.
Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺
Passing up a steak dinner for the cold hamburger in the fridge. SMDH
gellaho
He's not getting over Callie leaving him because his dad was crooked, but a childhood crush on Nancy
Anthony is an idiot
This is how phone calls look
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
"Frank, what I'm saying is you can look inside my butt."
"Not now. Detecting......"
Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺
This girl is increasingly more possessed by Satan, look at her eyes
gellaho
"I figured a white dweeb like you would be all over me!"
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Her vibe is hitting its max intensity.
Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺
I'm not saying I was ever that hot but I know this frustration.
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
She figured Frank would help her fish it out.
But no dice.
Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺
"Hey idiot, wanna fuck me?"
"Huh? Uh, sure, okay."
gellaho
Present day: colorful bubbles
FancyShark
NGL, college me would have not picked up the signals
gellaho
I hate you, Anthony
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
I mean considering he just threw a razor at you and held you at gunpoint in the street I'd say you have a decent case for him trying to have killed you JUST NOW.
Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺
Legit every single guy I've dated up to and including my husband had to be knocked over the head. It really gave me a "are these guys just settling for me?" complex.
gellaho
I want everyone always talking about Nancy always and forever
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Frank, you stupid piece of shit, you know what burner phones are.
Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺
That pussy better come with a vibrate function, godDAMN.
gellaho
"What do you mean 'everyone?'"
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
From my end of things I usually dont think of myself as being someone people want to fuck so when they do they have to make it very clear.
gellaho
So you remember that guy who was bleeding from the head. He's back! And his straight razor had become pointy
Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺
Hmm, true I never dated a guy who was considered to be in-demand...
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Cops finding blood but no body in an alleyway do not ask these kinds of questions tbh.
Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺
Maybe he grabbed his backup knife?
FancyShark
Oh shit
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Well after he buried it in a brick wall I imagine it broke.
"ol' san antone" jakesy
So edgy
FancyShark
He's Columbo now!
"ol' san antone" jakesy
Boo me, fuckos!
gellaho
Just you wait
Frank loses his ear
"ol' san antone" jakesy
Hahaha
Van Nooooooo
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Frank didnt listen very good anyway.
FancyShark
Van Gough to hell
Brendan
Honestly, it's the consequence of never wanting to impose yourself on a woman. You know what's happening but you're like "What if I'm misreading it??" so you don't become all the idiots that just grope someone they met five minutes earlier.
Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺
I removed and reapplied the drum so as not to interrupt the boo.
"ol' san antone" jakesy
I appreciate the commitment to the craft
gellaho
"Stop talking into my cut off ear"
Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺
Did he take it with him? They can sew it back on!
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Also talk about unlucky, that guy was cutting from the bottom up in an arc, I dont know how he only got an ear.
gellaho
Art protip: draw nothing
FancyShark
On the plus side, Frank's q-tip budget just went down 50%
gellaho
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Also what an asshole, going for ear and shoulder cuts and not a stab, amateur knifework shit.
At least the pages are glossy.
FancyShark
Frank wakes up to discover his entire body covered in ears
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
lol I cant get over how much protection someone gave this piece of shit, I didnt get more than an envelope when I ordered Mega Dragon and Tiger and that comic is actually good.
gellaho
I wish I could ignore the quips
Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺
I was definitely taught the "be mysterious and let him make the first move" which gets you nowhere if you're not smoking hot, so luckily I was horny enough to eventually just go for it.
gellaho
Anthony, please stop
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Can you sue someone and force them to never write anything but technical manuals again? Like have a judge order them "No quips, no metaphors."
Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺
These shameless flirts 😚
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Also Nancy Drew is a white bread sandwich.
gellaho
Have you people never seen a phone?
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
I eat spicier breakfast cereal.
Brendan
Nobody gets the right communication vs. enchanted mystery education. You made the right call.
Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺
Now it's a half ear?
Brendan
Nothing wows a man like getting directly hit on.
Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺
Yeah, blame low self esteem.
gellaho
More topical, more
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Frank just constanly bitching about his ear like he's Jack Burton trying to recover his truck from now on.
Brendan
It's 2020, flip phones are novel again.
Man, I miss my Razr
"ol' san antone" jakesy
Lol is this a Foxconn reference
Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺
Now they make the smartphone ones that make me worry they'll crack clean in half.
gellaho
So, what, this Midwestern town installed one hundred huge-ass screens to announce a factory?
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
"Chinese officials not pictured."
gellaho
The fuck am I looking at?
Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺
I had a Motorola with a pull-out antenna! 👵
"ol' san antone" jakesy
Is the town called Kenosha Wisconsin
Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal
If I can't whip out my phone like Kirk calling the Enterprise what's even the point
"ol' san antone" jakesy
Can they be more heavy handed
Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺
Any time someone says it's a new era, Carl from ATHF says in my head, "...of loneliness"
"ol' san antone" jakesy
"Benosha, Indiana" gottem send it
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Why the fuck would a Chinese electronics manufacturer build a factory in the Midwest US?
Which is why they let Paulo in to draw that last Nancy
"ol' san antone" jakesy
Remind me to tell you later the story where I hung out with the mayor of Kenosha on my honeymoon in Venice
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Ohhhh now it makes sense. Foxconn is Taiwanese, and I wouldnt expect Anthony to know the difference.
gellaho
This old man is everywhere
FancyShark
I'll gladly hear it and tell you my Foxconn story about a classmate who tried to work there
gellaho
Ugh
FancyShark
They call him The Barber because he has a gun
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Joe is going full "Ear for an ear."
More teen detectives should have straight razors and cut fuckers imo, so im starting to like this.
Old Kid
what is the event going on soon?
"ol' san antone" jakesy
You're living in it, kid
gellaho
Somebody saw Skyfall
Old Kid
what is going on
Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺
Book Cage
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Book Cage! Where Gellaho reads a book to us and we make fun of it.
gellaho
THIS AIN'T YOUR KID'S HARDY BOYS
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
We all have a laugh and experience Hotdog Fellowship.
FancyShark
Tonight's offering is a collection of shitty Nancy Drew/Hardy Boys comics written by the Brazilian Mega Man guy
Old Kid
ah
we are hotdog legion
FancyShark
Oh good. He exploded
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
"PLEASE! Dont Panic!" is my favorite band.
GDC
Please don't panic, despite being full of bullets.
Old Kid
calm down, it will come out in the wash
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
One time they opened by shooting an assassin to death, it was sweet.
So the Boys kind of took a back seat to the Neds Mayoral Sacurity Detail Lads this time, huh?
gellaho
Nancy Drew's entire character is selfishly taking advantage of the Hardy Boys' inexplicable crush to throw them into danger
Old Kid
"I need this frank"
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
The Hardy boys have that teen cum brain. I remember when I wanted to bang a girl so badly I solved her fathers murder.
gellaho
"It's possible she's using me, but you'd have to be some kind of detective to figure that out"
"ol' san antone" jakesy
How much you wanna bet they fight over her later
gellaho
The problem is that their dad is the one who was murdered
Nancy's dad is about to get some
GDC
One more appendage and I'm going to raise some serious concerns.
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
And thats why they'll never hit it, Nancy doesnt have a dead dad.
Yet.
FancyShark
"If I lose mobility on BOTH sides, then I'll have some words for her"
gellaho
Nancy can manipulate us into anything
gellaho
She also appears to be turning into a dude
FancyShark
Good for him!
Or her. She hasn't declared pronouns yet
gellaho
Gross
Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺
Yikes
"ol' san antone" jakesy
I agree, Die! namite is a gross name
gellaho
We have defeated The Death of Nancy Drew #3
FancyShark
Damn, gellaho. You're rocking that ponytail
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
That one looks strangely natural.
gellaho
Moving right along
FancyShark
Holy shit that's dark
I know it's part four, but imagine seeing that cover with no context
gellaho
Teen+
Whatever that means
Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺
The Hardy Boys being Betty and Veronica to Nancy's Archie is so cringe.
FancyShark
That's how you tell your daughter her childhood is over
"ol' san antone" jakesy
Oh shit new Teen just dropped
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Teen+ means sideboob.
gellaho
Total slut
Children
Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺
It's like "new adult" which a friend told me is a thing.
For hardcore teens.
gellaho
Anthony not realizing that Bess was Nancy best friend, but whatever
Her tortured visage will not grace these pages again
Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺
No no no they're not bringing the fucking Bobbsy twins in
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
They already did!
Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺
What next? The Boxcar Children?
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
They're fast food workers now!
Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺
I've missed a lot
gellaho
The Rover Boys were big in the last one
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
ITs a whole ass cinematic universe.
gellaho
As was black Tom Swift
Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺
Maybe the Babysitters' Club will make an appearance?
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
No electric rifle for Black Tom Swift tho.
FancyShark
Who is not rich and works at a butcher shop
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Probably just as well considering 2020.
gellaho
Opium, opioids, getit
gellaho
And is a vegetarian hacker
Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺
WHAT'S NEXT, SWEET VALLEY HIGH??
FancyShark
More like Sweet Valley DIE
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Let he who has never smoked opium shoot John Delaney first I always say.
FancyShark
wait, shit, that's good
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
It has zombies and is already signed for a three movie deal with Warner Bros, thanks.
gellaho
So from here on out, Nancy is going to jump to every conclusion and be wrong about everything
gellaho
But still love her because she's the greatest
And because her face appears to be peeling off
FancyShark
"Frank and Joe are the people I trust most. They said I was obsessed so I ditched them."
"ol' san antone" jakesy
Bet Frank regrets turning down the hot chick for this
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
"I dont hate that stupid fat bitch because shes dating my father."
"Or because her kids were shitty to me."
gellaho
Who wouldn't love this girl stalking her own father
gellaho
Who thinks she's dead
gellaho
Especially considering she got his ear cut off
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
For a girl with such huge daddy issues Nancy doesnt put out much.
If shes not careful Frank wont want to lose another ear and a couple fingers.
Joe will hardly be excited about his involuntary trepanation.
gellaho
What a fucking weird page
FancyShark
Sun exploded off panel
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Yeah he wasnt kidding. I would have killed a motherfucker for my tips.
gellaho
I'm bored.
Nancy falls asleep driving
Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺
"I'm bored" 😂
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
I got ten dollars and a nice hug from an older lady once for making her a milkshake.
gellaho
I don't know if I've mentioned this, but I fucking hate Nancy in this
"ol' san antone" jakesy
She doesn't behave like a real person
FancyShark
If she died in this car accident, it would at least pay off the bullshit she pulled
"ol' san antone" jakesy
It's like these writers don't have a lot of experience with women
But that couldn't be
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Whaaaaat? You dont have a deep emotional connection to the manipulative liar stalking her own dad to feed her obsession with a possibly not real crime family?
gellaho
Somehow this doesn't result in a hospital visit
gellaho
I couldn't imagine from how much they faun over this fictional teen
FancyShark
It's not like she lost an ear
gellaho
And true to form, she fucking crashed Joe's car
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
They seem really problematically comfortable with finding an unconscious teen girl in a ditch.
FancyShark
THAT's where you see the irony, Frank? Not in how she almost died in a car wreck after faking her death from a car wreck?
gellaho
I didn't even notice that it was Joe's car
She is dead set on ruining these two
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Aw man, Joe had a sweet car too.
"ol' san antone" jakesy
Her simps just keep coming through for her
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
She's cutting off Joe from being able to pick up other women.
She'll probably disfigure him next.
gellaho
I'm not comfortable with how they drew Frank here
gellaho
Or Henry Wang
I think Frank got pranked
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Really? Wang? Thats the only name you could come up with?
Fuck you Anthony.
gellaho
The fuck is this
GDC
Frank looks like he just found a pile of Jennifer Lawrence nudes.
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
"Wang has no place here."
"tee hee,"
"Shut up, Joe."
FancyShark
Speakeasies were very big in 2020
gellaho
Why?
gellaho
Why
Anthony, why?
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Hahahahah what?
GDC
That's how they avoided the lockdown restrictions
"ol' san antone" jakesy
"I'm looking for wang!"
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
How are these panels not a pit of college kids writhing in the grip of EDM and molly?
FancyShark
I think I'd be okay if Ace Hardware had Eyes Wide Shut parties
gellaho
Anthony! Anthony?
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
It's like Anthony didnt really know what the fuck he was doing.
FancyShark
pleasepleaseplease be a satanic cult
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Anthony, its 2020, you know those masks suggest "We are here to buy children to eat."
"ol' san antone" jakesy
"It's 2020 so you gotta show them wearing masks" "say no more fam"
gellaho
Nancy breaks the sacred rule of talking to a man while he pees
FancyShark
Okay, now she's just being a monster
gellaho
And Freddie breaks the cardinal rule of knowing someone is in the wrong bathroom without looking at them
"ol' san antone" jakesy
I mean if you're looking for wang she's in the right place
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
No. Fuck you Nancy, too far. You're a loose cannon now, turn in your not badge and no gun.
We pee in reverent silence. Like monks in a temple, NANCY!
FancyShark
I love that they're trying to have a ritzy party and still have a basic public bathroom
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
This isnt the ladies room NANCY, we dont chat about our day.
gellaho
You can't seduce someone while they're peeing!?
gellaho
The fuck, Anthony
gellaho
It is a hardware store
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
She just stole the keys to their fast food places pantry, Nancy just pulled off the chicken heist of the century and the fool doesnt even know yet.
gellaho
A gigantic hardware store, but without the large roofs of a Lowe's or Home Depot
FancyShark
I love the smell in those stores, but having an orgy in one is not an impulse I've ever had
Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺
Not even a basket of toiletries! Even a basic bitch wedding has that!
gellaho
Nancy removes her mask for no reason, while two dudes go to fuck in the bathroom
Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺
That's 100% what they're about to do, look at their faces.
gellaho
Because, you know, that's what fans of Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys want
People fucking in public restrooms
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
They have the bashful sex blush.
FancyShark
I miss when Anthony was just writing political manifestos through a robot lady
Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺
Look how eager mustache guy is.
"I'm gonna suck your balls inside out"
gellaho
I don't understand why you're doing this, Anthony
and I still haven't gotten to the worst part
FancyShark
So hyped his nose is bleeding
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
He's trying to be cool and not target lock on that other guys dick but his eyes have shrunk to pinpricks from the molly.
"ol' san antone" jakesy
He looks like he's part Sugandese
gellaho
Next page: Nancy (the worst human being) does some breaking and entering of her dad's girlfriend's house
gellaho
Art is hard
(that guy's name is Art)
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Man I really want her to find nothing except a letter from her dad about how much he loves her farts.
FancyShark
aw man. The lighting made me get excited that we might get a Metabarons cameo
"ol' san antone" jakesy
She is going to find so much insurance paperwork in there
FancyShark
IT'S ALWAYS THE PAPERWORK!
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
And it mentions that his new girlfriend is the only thing good in his life now that his daughter died tragically.
gellaho
Anthony doesn't understand any part of how alarms work
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
AAAAAGH ITS THE DESK ALARM!
Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺
Someone fired up a monster truck outside.
gellaho
That's not the noise they make, it doesn't connect to laptop webcams
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Bobbsey Mom is a wizard and cast Alarm on her desk.
The rs are just the Ring alarm. It goes "RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGG!"
gellaho
Yes
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
And Mrs. Bobbsey owns a really big dog.
FancyShark
From the way it's portrayed, it's a quiet model
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Fourty ninjas with tommyguns jump out of the curtains.
gellaho
That's what the book said
gellaho
I'm also 99% sure this woman had lighter hair before
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
"Well yeah..........your dad said you had a car accident, what the fuck are you doing breaking into my house!?"
gellaho
Nancy straight up about to kill this woman based on her gut
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
"Also Ive been fucking your dad since he grew that beard. Have you seen his beard?"
gellaho
"I was going to get people hooked on prescription drugs, but they wouldn't let me"
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
"Ohhhhhhhhhhh you misunderstood. "Meet with Wang and get a piece of his action." was code. I was fucking your dad."
gellaho
Nancy, the worst detective on Earth, changes her opinion with no evidence
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Also you confessed to something that would have never been proveable in court.
gellaho
Just based on her judge of character
and she's a terrible judge of character
and this isn't the last time she does this exact thing
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
"Psyche! I fucked your dad! I always hated you!"
GIF
gellaho
"Fuck you, dead mom! I like this ex-rich lady better"
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Also I can really sympathize with Freddy and Flo not liking Nancy because their mom liked her better.
Alot of this seems like Nancy's fault in hindsight.
gellaho
It's weird that both this story and that last book focus so much on Carson fucking people other than Nancy's mom
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Why do so many writers wanna write Carson Drew fuck fics?!
gellaho
Fuck off
"ol' san antone" jakesy
The Wang wants what it wants
gellaho
Leave baby Jesus out of this, Anthony
gellaho
You hack
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Eat a dick, if Nancy doesnt become an enforcer for Mrs Bobbseys drug business like its a spinn off of Weeds I'm gonna throw shit.
GDC
That is the contents of every goth kids myspace page on 2005.
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Also Nancy, since you didnt die nobody engineered your death.
"ol' san antone" jakesy
Now the Hardys are dressed as college kids wearing their nicest bar outfits
GDC
They forgot to pop their collars though.
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Nancy, you may have misunderstood or possibly imagined those two shadowy figures on the riverbank.
gellaho
So, Nancy, is any part of this investigation into our father's murder going to rely on evidence or just your whims?
FancyShark
Just make Nancy the killer, Anthony. Do something you can't take back
gellaho
Frank getting darker by the second
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Oh is this still about Fenton being murdered in some way? All NAncy seems to focus on is her own murder.
gellaho
Why have you done this Joe Eisma? I assume I can't blame Anthony for this weird thing
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
And Frank is starting to look like he's a Spanish pirate.
gellaho
Great
FancyShark
This must be what happened to Bess
gellaho
Fantastic
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Joe must have hit her really hard.
gellaho
Who couldst be?
FancyShark
Red Herring
GDC
Theres only one thing that could bring the hardy boys to river heights: the fact that they live there.
gellaho
George! And not even the weird elfen one
gellaho
And now: an awkward interview with the editor
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Meh i liked enby George who believes in vampires better.
gellaho
gellaho
So you remember those porny ads?
FancyShark
oh no
gellaho
Now they're advertising this
gellaho
This is not OK
FancyShark
WHAT
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Jesus they Dinkleyd Nancy.
gellaho
And another Nancy Drew comic
Although I can't figure out which one of these alt teens is supposed to be Nancy Drew
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
They're going to keep committing these crimes until someone stops them, huh?
GDC
They're advertising the lil hardy kids adventures in this book.
gellaho
Or really who any of these characters are
Brendan
Matt is awesome though. Aloof cool is kind of his whole humor.
gellaho
Ahuh
Brendan
He and McGuinness and Joe Kelly gave us the Deadpool as pop culture knows it today.
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Every one of these people looks so annoyed they exist.
Brendan
He tends to bring the best work out of creators.
So just think on that.
gellaho
Well
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Well.
FancyShark
Oh god, this could have been worse?!
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
If this is Joe and Anthony's best..........
gellaho
This is worse than the first one, so
Hmmmmmmm
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
I mean he did throw in an editors note that they are idiots, right?
gellaho
Why the fuck are you advertising the first one in book four
gellaho
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
I want these people destroyed. Physically, financially, spiritually.
Brendan
The dame had headlights...to DIE for.
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
I dont care.
Someone get on that.
gellaho
Guess what
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Someone fuck their dads.
gellaho
Brendan
Dynamite's gonna have the Hunger Games license in ten more years.
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
God........Dammit.
gellaho
Oh, come the fuck on
Brendan
DIDN'T @Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺 SAY
"ol' san antone" jakesy
Hahaha
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Well I guess old people need to jack off too.
gellaho
We have defeated The Death of Nancy Drew #4
Brendan
Betty Boop/Mars Attack-ak-ak-aks
gellaho
Moving forward
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
For being dead Nancy sure has been in a lot of these. I hope this is a Death of Superman situation and it ends with her dying.
FancyShark
I stand by Dynamite for the Army of Darkness comic and throw them under the bus for pretty much anything else
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
And donating her ear to Frank.
gellaho
Flashback to when Frank was white
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Before Joe hit him so hard his melanin thought Apollo himself had come to throw hands at Frank.
gellaho
Faces are hard
FancyShark
They think of her as a sweet, simple girl who just solves murders
gellaho
I've learned that the secret to success with any of these books is not crediting your writers
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
"Funeral home?"
"Pizza Parlor?"
"Sex Pit?"
gellaho
Every time they credit the writers it turns out horrible
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
So far this comic hasnt even disavowed the ideology of the Nazi party so they are in deep trouble.
GDC
Some real brookehands happening here.
gellaho
Wait, who the fuck is Ramona
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
The.......Judy Blume Ramona?
Please..........say no.
"ol' san antone" jakesy
Ready Hardy One
FancyShark
"I was going to say vegetable, but junkie sounds nicer"
GDC
Or the Beverly cleary Ramona.
gellaho
Oh, fuck, I thought he was talking to Nancy
"ol' san antone" jakesy
Just name dropping teen paperback characters
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
I feel like that would be going too far even for the book where Frank Hardy loses an ear in a knife fight with a mob hitman.
gellaho
Why'd you draw Nancy and George in the same clothes!?
"ol' san antone" jakesy
Frank has temporarily regained his caucasity
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Best girlfriends love to dress in ways that are identical and easy to draw?
gellaho
"Way to manipulate those idiots oh right, the drug lady"
FancyShark
It's a process called "bioluminescence"
gellaho
Serious artist
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
"Hi I'm Ramona DoesDrugs, and this is what Fentanyl does to cops."
gellaho
Oh, we're not explaining Ramona? Cool
FancyShark
Let's go to the Toucan Poster restaurant
gellaho
Joe Hardy buys drugs, because that's what fans want
"ol' san antone" jakesy
Nice day to piss in the street
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
I love Toucan Tim's. The blueberries are always fresh.
Nobody but a total idiot would sell drugs to Joe Hardy, he looks like such a fucking cop.
Also isnt he like..........kinda famous?
Like even in the continuity of this series he was on TV for dadicide not that long ago.
"ol' san antone" jakesy
GDC
Surely selling drugs to famous teen detectives would never have a downside. Worked for that Quest kid.
"ol' san antone" jakesy
I don't think it's a good thing that I'm picking up the background references for these comics
gellaho
The center of the opioid crisis
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Your mind is grasping wildly at something to hold on to.
Soooooooo.........the Sackler family did it?
gellaho
Because the opioid crisis doesn't have anything to do with shitty doctors giving prescriptions out willy nilly, but due to smuggling?
gellaho
Riverside doesn't get Bayport news
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
I wonder if Riverside is upriver from Bayport.......
"ol' san antone" jakesy
Or near Bayside
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Just across from Riverport.
FancyShark
I guess we know how Anthony votes
gellaho
One is vague Midwest and the other is vague New England, so probably not
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
It's a really long river, okay!
FancyShark
Wait, of course we know how he votes. He spelled it out in his Megamanifesto
gellaho
Based on how much of the rest of it is virtue signaling you can never be too sure
FancyShark
This is true
gellaho
The Papercutz mangas are written by... someone
FancyShark
ohhhh, my bad
gellaho
I mostly focus on the megaman pervert so I don't remember
You can't make fun of your own shitty name
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Yeah the megaman pervert who also has a name that isnt megaman pervert, but should forever more be known as the megaman pervert.
FancyShark
"We only sell bowls. This is not a food store. STOP ASKING FOR FOOD."
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Man no Asian restaurant would be caught dead with a name like "River Rice Bowl."
The local one up the street from me operates out of a former KFC closed for health reasons and its still called "Dengs Garden."
FancyShark
The least-effort one here was Asia Palace
Ramb$ne
i have this sign in my kitchen
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Up in Des Moines we have a China Buffet.
FancyShark
Their food sucked but they at least had good decor
FancyShark
Oh shit, yeah. We have one here. They rule
Ramb$ne
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
China Buffet has some seriously good shit here.
FancyShark
Def less effort name
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Coconut shrimp.
"ol' san antone" jakesy
This checks out, you have been known to take down some Guinness
Ramb$ne
Djonin is my witness on that
i guess Shark and V saw me slurp down like 4 in an hour too this year
gellaho
Allow me
Ramb$ne
mostly got it for the bird TBH
gellaho
gellaho
"ol' san antone" jakesy
Lol
FancyShark
hahahaha
God damn
"ol' san antone" jakesy
Soupa Saiyan is so great
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Man that beats Mr. Egg Roll.
gellaho
Hungry
FancyShark
We can't forget the MVP: Frying Dragon
wait, no, forget that one
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Des Moines: the No Fun Restaurant Name City.
Ramb$ne
gellaho
Who's that white guy
gellaho
We had one of those
"ol' san antone" jakesy
gellaho
Probably
FancyShark
Given how Anthony writes, it's definitely nothing
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
First actual depiction of Chinese people and they look like the artist forgot to draw them.
"^-^" and took a break.
gellaho
Figure out reading this
FancyShark
oh go to hell, page layout
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Someone needs a copy of Understanding Comics.
Ramb$ne
so there's actually a reason there's like one chinese restaurant in every town. in big coastal cities they have organizations that literally help Chinese immigrants start businesses and they do checks like "yeah there's already a restaurant there" and basically help aspiring entrepreneurs find a place where the niche isn't occupied. This shit sounds like a conspiracy but that's actually how it happens
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Honestly it would be great if they could bring another one here to my town, the one here is kind of weird and ass.
Their orange chicken has some kind of cream sauce?!
Its like orangy mayo and i hate it.
gellaho
I accidentally took a side route to Universal Studios this week and went down a street that no joke had twenty Asian restaurants and fifteen Asian markets
It was the wildest thing I've ever seen
FancyShark
That sounds rad as hell
Ramb$ne
i miss places with cultural diversity
gellaho
Then there were a bunch of lawyer's offices. Very weird place
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
My area has negative cultural diversity, people come here to open American style pizza and steak houses.
gellaho
Orlando: you'll stumble upon tourist traps
KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
I kid you not, theres a local place that used to be owned by a Greek dude, he retired and sold it to a Vietnamese family (who make excellent pizza btw.) and they have not really changed the menu aside from adding egg rolls.
FancyShark
"It's not what it looks like! I swear! I'm just cramming these bottles up my ass for a sexual thrill!"
gellaho
I'm almost certain you're the only pharmacy in town there's no way you couldn't stay in business
FancyShark
So you see, CVS was the real villain
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
"I'm filling prescriptions for people without health insurance. Yes, its illegal and yes I'm basically stealing. It didnt cost anyone their ear tho NANCY!"
gellaho
There used to literally be a "theme park" that was run by the Chinese government called "Splendid China". It is now Margaritaville timeshares
There's a reason Margaritaville's theme includes the words "wasting away again"
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Jimmy Buffet is the Herald of Decay, this is true.
gellaho
There's a Waterpark, so it beats propaganda palace
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
More propaganda needs to have a waterpark.
gellaho
Please feel sorry for me, the drug peddler
FancyShark
"They just wanted me to sell insulin that I refused to sell to people who needed it most"
gellaho
As opposed to regulated websites
gellaho
I remember all the red tape I had to work through to open my websites
FancyShark
hahaha, Anthony thinks pharmacies are run in chat forums
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Anthony has clearly never bought prescription drugs either legitimately or illegitimately.
I assume his mother picks up his meds for him.
gellaho
Pictured: legit
gellaho
He's still on her insurance
Suck it, old man
FancyShark
Last month, I had to call four separate locations just to get a refill on a drug I've gotten filled every month for over 20 years. I would gladly be held at gunpoint if it meant a faster checkout process
gellaho
Didn't the Bobbsey's lose all their money? How do they have a factory?
FancyShark
Yeah. They sold off everything except Chick-fellatio
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
I'm not sure how this all is illegal tho? Like a doctor signs the scrips, its filled by a pharmacists, and mailed to the purchaser?
That is literally how I get meds.
FancyShark
I guess it's not getting cleared by insurance?
But that would only mean they'd have to pay full price
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Right?
gellaho
Eat my ass, Anthony
gellaho
FancyShark
Eat gellaho's love, Anthony
gellaho
The tombstone signified that they are using dead doctors to fake the prescriptions
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Like live doctors dont sign whatever.
I dont even need to bribe them, I can just ask for stuff.
gellaho
Ned's turned brown himself
gellaho
I lied earlier, the colorist is Brazilian. So I guess this is his fault
FancyShark
His chin retracts when he senses danger
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Joe is really sorry about his "Future Mayor Punching Rampage Incident of 2015."
But not the one of 2017
gellaho
Rawr, says Frank
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Or the one in 2008.
gellaho
EVERYONE LOVE NANCY
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
"My killer who never actually killed me and is probably therefore not legally responsible for anything."
gellaho
EVERYONE
FancyShark
Simp harder, Anthony
gellaho
There it is
FancyShark
hahahaha what
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
That...........is so odd.
Like......
gellaho
Rawr
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
What?
gellaho
"You got my ear cut off"
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Man I would marry the woman who got my ear cut off just because it would be a great way to win any argument where she questions my commitment.
"ol' san antone" jakesy
Wannabe Obama
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
"I dont think you really love me."
"I got my ear cut off for you."
gellaho
Forgot to draw the gun
FancyShark
"You never listen!"
[lean in, cupping stump]
"WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
"I feel like im not important to you."
"Say that into my good ear, will you? I lost the other one because you did a thing."
FancyShark
Finger gun!
gellaho
I remember Frank telling a "thanks, Obama" joke. But I must have mistook it for whatever that was
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
"Just pretend you didnt see" isnt how you cover an attempted murder, dude.
gellaho
Gun still nowhere to be seen
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
It's how you respond to a train groping in Japan.
gellaho
That is some grade-A laziness
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
The Hardy boys have never seen John Wick or pretty much any assassin movie, have they?
FancyShark
"Sure is a getaway vehicle."
"Ayup."
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Like I kind of just assume that paid killers dont know their employers after a certain level.
gellaho
Cadillac approved, I'm sure
gellaho
No, she said emotiomlessly
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Carson?
FancyShark
I hope it's Chet
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Oh shit that would be fun, cos his name is Car-son.
gellaho
And so the Bobbsey Twins have been killed
gellaho
So, you know, whoever that's for
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Just going thru these poor young heroes of byegone ages like a fuckign scythe.
gellaho
Joe has acquired the melanin disease
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
It would be like if you read Captain America and found out he ate a baby in Germany.
Well that wraps that mystery up. Great detecting Nancy.
gellaho
Oh, wait, Freddie's hair kept him alive
FancyShark
Remember: they're guilty of killing Nancy, who is alive. Not Jeanne, who actually died in the crash
gellaho
Honest.
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Can relate, i am also sick of being poor and would kill both Nancy Drew and some of the people I grew up with if it meant I got a sweet drug empire.
gellaho
Crank!: Ultra Dweeb
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
I would make my head so big and install it on a roomba like Mr. Big from NARC.
FancyShark
:nerds:
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
They keep misspelling his name, its vital you put the ! in Crank!
gellaho
We have defeated The Death of Nancy Drew #5
gellaho
Moving swiftly along
FancyShark
Is this the finale?
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Crank! is a man after my own heart, I also used the pandemic masking as an excuse to pretend I was a ninja.
gellaho
Tis
FancyShark
Exquisite
gellaho
Nancy reflects on childhood rage
FancyShark
I warned you, Anthony. If you made Ned the villain, I'm eating your face
gellaho
Nancy learned nothing about just trusting people
gellaho
And Giant magnifying glasses
FancyShark
hahaha
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Oh so it was Don Sturdy the whole time.
FancyShark
So Nancy's sucked at this for years
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Long time to hold a grudge but I get it, Don.
gellaho
Fuck me. Stop using black for everything
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Nancy is massively annoying.
FancyShark
The culprit is the Chinese! Great work, Anthony! Burn in hell
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Okay fuck you Anthony, you named this guy something normal like Zhang Wei, but earlier had to pull Henry Wang out of your ass?!
gellaho
"Never trust the Chinese, Ned!"
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
I cant wait to not understand why the CEO of a Chinese electronics company would be involved in drug smuggling.
gellaho
Very stupid
FancyShark
I'm betting it's to undermine American citizens who just want their opium
gellaho
"Yeah, she fucking sucks"
gellaho
She's also clearly walking away from the car, but then squealed off in the car?
"ol' san antone" jakesy
THE INSURANCE MONEY
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
"Because I tried to kill her. I never forgave her for beating the shit out of me and telling everyone about my underwear. People called me Neddy Knickers for years you fucks. Im not sorry I tried to have Nancy killed, I'm sorry my assassin was inept."
FancyShark
IT'S ALWAYS THE CHINESE ELECTRONICS INSURANCE MONEY!
gellaho
Carson caught the melanin virus
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Well yeah, Joe probably punched him after he kinda helped those guys murder his dad.
Kinda?
Im honestly not sure the Syndicate is real.
FancyShark
The Syndicate is just The Barber
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Im more inclined to believe everyone just hates the Drews and the Hardys
gellaho
Nancy, for the second time in a row, is about to accuse her father of being the mastermind behind a criminal scheme
gellaho
Based on no evidence, other than (A) Not responding to some emails and (B) eating in a Chinese restaurant
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
"Nancy, is this because I'm dating again? You know daddy gotsta get it wet."
FancyShark
She really takes daddy issues in some weird directions
gellaho
"What the hell are you talking about?"
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
"You kids have a saying these days. "Dont hate the playa, hate the game.", right? Well I am fucking Mrs. Bobbsey because it makes me happy and you're an adult and its time you moved out and got a job, Nancy."
FancyShark
"My beloved daughter, I'm so happy you're alive!"
gellaho
Nancy, you appear to be turning into some kind of orc
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Is she..........Batmanning her own dad?
FancyShark
That Carson, always getting involved in conspiracies because it seemed funny
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Batman usually cries less, Nancy.
gellaho
She is making a pretty funny face
He got her good?
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
"Hahahah sweet prank dad. Just like Fenton used to pull on Frank and Joe."
gellaho
Nancy once again accuses and acquits based on nothing
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Im surprised she hasnt decided it was Frank and Joe yet.
FancyShark
This is easier than writing out a logical cause and effect
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Oh boy it would be fun if it was Frank and Joe, and they betrayed her at the last minute.
gellaho
"We should get you to a dentist"
gellaho
PHONE
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
And then simultaneously shot her in the face so neither one could ever know if they were the one responsible for it.
gellaho
(low confidence)
FancyShark
Add "texting" to things Anthony doesn't understand
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
My transcription AI could do better than that.
FancyShark
oh wait, transcription
gellaho
(low confidence)
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Also we had decent AI drafting in 2020 ANTHONY.
gellaho
Sectence fragments. Backstory. Writing difficult. Information dumped.
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
This is like if someone played Max Payne 2, decided it was too exciting, and made a visual novel and gave it to a doctor who wanted to keep people from masturbating and edited it to be more boring.
gellaho
Just put a black page here, why don't you
gellaho
Then added advertisements to try to get them masturbating again
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
I want you to die here tho Nancy.
Otherwise the title doesnt make sense.
gellaho
The secret story of this comic is that there is someone turning everyone black
gellaho
I don't understand what you are doing, Joe Eisma
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
.This is the worst version of Dark Knight Returns ever.
gellaho
Have you never seen a white person in the dark? Seems unlikely
FancyShark
Not just turning them black, but starting to cross into stereotype
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Everyone knows white people cant hide in the dark, we have to hide in snowstorms or against light colored rocks. At the very least we have to wear Navajo White socks.
I wonder if Joe might have drawn parts of this while way too close to the deadline and just put in some stuff he had laying around.
So Nancy Drew looking like a black woman is because he was doing something like a Pam Grier comic and was like "Eh, fuck it. Anthony is such a dumb ass he'll never know and Matt told me to just "send the fucking pages."
gellaho
Bad news
FancyShark
I
WARNED
YOU
ANTHONY
:hungryshark:
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Eat him feet first so he can watch.
But god it would be really funny if it was a "Nancy needs to be stopped, she is dangerous, Ned should do it because he cares the most."
gellaho
Darkness is swallowing me, all that I see
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Hey whats with this sci fi space gun, Joe?
gellaho
Very curvy
FancyShark
The gun is melting
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
You angling for a job drawing Flash Gordon?
gellaho
Nancy briefly considers the bad things she's done
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Yeah Nancy it IS kind of your fault.
gellaho
CARSON SMASH
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Fuck yeah Carson.
gellaho
I don't know why Carson would do anything for her at this point, but that's just me
FancyShark
Every father has to fantasize about doing this to his daughter's BF at some point
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
I would love to be able to tell my child "I told you so." after something like this.
It would make the murder accusations so worth it.
gellaho
Duuuuuuh
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
"Hahahahah did you see how I cold cocked your ex, you ungrateful little shit?"
FancyShark
Reminder: Anthony said anyone accusing him of misogyny from the last story should read this one
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
"You still gonna bitch about the time I didnt get you a bike for your birthday?"
gellaho
Meanwhile: what are supposed to be our other main characters continue to do nothing
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
The Hardy Boys in: The Case of The Time They Sat On Their Asses and Ate Chips.
gellaho
Fuck off
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Frank lost the tip of his nose on that one.
gellaho
I take one thousand ghostwriters over you, Anthony
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
God just let them spitroast Nancy for fucks sake, Anthony, so you can stop implying it.
We know thats what you are going for here.
gellaho
You're not even going to snack!? What is this horseshit
FancyShark
He did it
He officially went too far
gellaho
I pray for tropes Anthony. The ghostwriters know how to get crazy with those
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Why do they even like her?
Aside from being a total square and a narc they dont share any interestes.
She doesnt even eat sandwiches.
gellaho
Back to the graveyard
FancyShark
We've reached a point where I didn't realize that was a glove at first
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Fuck you, Anthony.
Nobody cares about Nancy's dead mom.
gellaho
Are they on the surface of Mars?
gellaho
Carson's dead, nobody seems to care
Fenton, whatever
I'm drunk
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Honestly I thought he might have died from a heart attack after clobbering Ned just so Nancy would have an excuse to be moody.
gellaho
Nancy Drew vows to string these two along for the rest of time
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
And further evidence nobody liked Fenton.
Joe. Frank. You can be friends with a woman, but if you lose an ear during one of your........hijinks? Maybe you should not hang out with her anymore.
FancyShark
Eat all the dicks, Anthony
gellaho
We have defeated The Death of Nancy Drew
FancyShark
We did it!
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Fuck you, Nancy didnt even die metaphorically.
gellaho
No, she still sucks
And so concludes "Proving I Am a Serious Artist by Ruining the Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew"
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
I hope it hurts when FancyShark eats Anthony.
gellaho
And this, the 94th edition of The Book Cage
FancyShark
It will. I'm using salsa.
Great riffing, everyone!
Thank you, @gellaho !
gellaho
May all your sluts be total
Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage
Thanks @gellaho. I wonder how much worse this year can get, but in a good way.
FancyShark
Have a great night!
gellaho
Remember that the slut didn't really get any justice
And George was involved... somehow. That wasn't really paid off
Ramona... existed
Did Dr Khan get arrested or what?
I'm also not sure if the female Bobbsey twin survived that car crash
