94.3: The Death of Nancy Drew Anthony Del Col & Joe Eisma

Old Kid

calm down, it will come out in the wash

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

One time they opened by shooting an assassin to death, it was sweet.

So the Boys kind of took a back seat to the Neds Mayoral Sacurity Detail Lads this time, huh?

gellaho

Nancy Drew's entire character is selfishly taking advantage of the Hardy Boys' inexplicable crush to throw them into danger

Old Kid

"I need this frank"

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

The Hardy boys have that teen cum brain. I remember when I wanted to bang a girl so badly I solved her fathers murder.

gellaho

"It's possible she's using me, but you'd have to be some kind of detective to figure that out"

"ol' san antone" jakesy

How much you wanna bet they fight over her later

gellaho

The problem is that their dad is the one who was murdered

Nancy's dad is about to get some

GDC

One more appendage and I'm going to raise some serious concerns.

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

And thats why they'll never hit it, Nancy doesnt have a dead dad.

Yet.

FancyShark

"If I lose mobility on BOTH sides, then I'll have some words for her"

gellaho

Nancy can manipulate us into anything

gellaho

She also appears to be turning into a dude

FancyShark

Good for him!

Or her. She hasn't declared pronouns yet

gellaho

Gross

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

Yikes

"ol' san antone" jakesy

I agree, Die! namite is a gross name

gellaho

We have defeated The Death of Nancy Drew #3

FancyShark

Damn, gellaho. You're rocking that ponytail

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

That one looks strangely natural.

gellaho

Moving right along

FancyShark

Holy shit that's dark

I know it's part four, but imagine seeing that cover with no context

gellaho

Teen+

Whatever that means

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

The Hardy Boys being Betty and Veronica to Nancy's Archie is so cringe.

FancyShark

That's how you tell your daughter her childhood is over

"ol' san antone" jakesy

Oh shit new Teen just dropped

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Teen+ means sideboob.

gellaho

Total slut

Children

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

It's like "new adult" which a friend told me is a thing.

For hardcore teens.

gellaho

Anthony not realizing that Bess was Nancy best friend, but whatever

Her tortured visage will not grace these pages again

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

No no no they're not bringing the fucking Bobbsy twins in

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

They already did!

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

What next? The Boxcar Children?

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

They're fast food workers now!

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

I've missed a lot

gellaho

The Rover Boys were big in the last one

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

ITs a whole ass cinematic universe.

gellaho

As was black Tom Swift

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

Maybe the Babysitters' Club will make an appearance?

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

No electric rifle for Black Tom Swift tho.

FancyShark

Who is not rich and works at a butcher shop

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Probably just as well considering 2020.

gellaho

Opium, opioids, getit

gellaho

And is a vegetarian hacker

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

WHAT'S NEXT, SWEET VALLEY HIGH??

FancyShark

More like Sweet Valley DIE

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Let he who has never smoked opium shoot John Delaney first I always say.

FancyShark

wait, shit, that's good

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

It has zombies and is already signed for a three movie deal with Warner Bros, thanks.

gellaho

So from here on out, Nancy is going to jump to every conclusion and be wrong about everything

gellaho

But still love her because she's the greatest

And because her face appears to be peeling off

FancyShark

"Frank and Joe are the people I trust most. They said I was obsessed so I ditched them."

"ol' san antone" jakesy

Bet Frank regrets turning down the hot chick for this

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

"I dont hate that stupid fat bitch because shes dating my father."

"Or because her kids were shitty to me."

gellaho

Who wouldn't love this girl stalking her own father

gellaho

Who thinks she's dead

gellaho

Especially considering she got his ear cut off

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

For a girl with such huge daddy issues Nancy doesnt put out much.

If shes not careful Frank wont want to lose another ear and a couple fingers.

Joe will hardly be excited about his involuntary trepanation.

gellaho

What a fucking weird page

FancyShark

Sun exploded off panel

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Yeah he wasnt kidding. I would have killed a motherfucker for my tips.

gellaho

I'm bored.

Nancy falls asleep driving

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

"I'm bored" 😂

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

I got ten dollars and a nice hug from an older lady once for making her a milkshake.

gellaho

I don't know if I've mentioned this, but I fucking hate Nancy in this

"ol' san antone" jakesy

She doesn't behave like a real person

FancyShark

If she died in this car accident, it would at least pay off the bullshit she pulled

"ol' san antone" jakesy

It's like these writers don't have a lot of experience with women

But that couldn't be

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Whaaaaat? You dont have a deep emotional connection to the manipulative liar stalking her own dad to feed her obsession with a possibly not real crime family?

gellaho

Somehow this doesn't result in a hospital visit

gellaho

I couldn't imagine from how much they faun over this fictional teen

FancyShark

It's not like she lost an ear

gellaho

And true to form, she fucking crashed Joe's car

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

They seem really problematically comfortable with finding an unconscious teen girl in a ditch.

FancyShark

THAT's where you see the irony, Frank? Not in how she almost died in a car wreck after faking her death from a car wreck?

gellaho

I didn't even notice that it was Joe's car

She is dead set on ruining these two

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Aw man, Joe had a sweet car too.

"ol' san antone" jakesy

Her simps just keep coming through for her

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

She's cutting off Joe from being able to pick up other women.

She'll probably disfigure him next.

gellaho

I'm not comfortable with how they drew Frank here

gellaho

Or Henry Wang

I think Frank got pranked

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Really? Wang? Thats the only name you could come up with?

Fuck you Anthony.

gellaho

The fuck is this

GDC

Frank looks like he just found a pile of Jennifer Lawrence nudes.

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

"Wang has no place here."

"tee hee,"

"Shut up, Joe."

FancyShark

Speakeasies were very big in 2020

gellaho

Why?

gellaho

Why

Anthony, why?

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Hahahahah what?

GDC

That's how they avoided the lockdown restrictions

"ol' san antone" jakesy

"I'm looking for wang!"

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

How are these panels not a pit of college kids writhing in the grip of EDM and molly?

FancyShark

I think I'd be okay if Ace Hardware had Eyes Wide Shut parties

gellaho

Anthony! Anthony?

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

It's like Anthony didnt really know what the fuck he was doing.

FancyShark

pleasepleaseplease be a satanic cult

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Anthony, its 2020, you know those masks suggest "We are here to buy children to eat."

"ol' san antone" jakesy

"It's 2020 so you gotta show them wearing masks" "say no more fam"

gellaho

Nancy breaks the sacred rule of talking to a man while he pees

FancyShark

Okay, now she's just being a monster

gellaho

And Freddie breaks the cardinal rule of knowing someone is in the wrong bathroom without looking at them

"ol' san antone" jakesy

I mean if you're looking for wang she's in the right place

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

No. Fuck you Nancy, too far. You're a loose cannon now, turn in your not badge and no gun.

We pee in reverent silence. Like monks in a temple, NANCY!

FancyShark

I love that they're trying to have a ritzy party and still have a basic public bathroom

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

This isnt the ladies room NANCY, we dont chat about our day.

gellaho

You can't seduce someone while they're peeing!?

gellaho

The fuck, Anthony

gellaho

It is a hardware store

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

She just stole the keys to their fast food places pantry, Nancy just pulled off the chicken heist of the century and the fool doesnt even know yet.

gellaho

A gigantic hardware store, but without the large roofs of a Lowe's or Home Depot

FancyShark

I love the smell in those stores, but having an orgy in one is not an impulse I've ever had

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

Not even a basket of toiletries! Even a basic bitch wedding has that!

gellaho

Nancy removes her mask for no reason, while two dudes go to fuck in the bathroom

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

That's 100% what they're about to do, look at their faces.

gellaho

Because, you know, that's what fans of Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys want

People fucking in public restrooms

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

They have the bashful sex blush.

FancyShark

I miss when Anthony was just writing political manifestos through a robot lady

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

Look how eager mustache guy is.

"I'm gonna suck your balls inside out"

gellaho

I don't understand why you're doing this, Anthony

and I still haven't gotten to the worst part

FancyShark

So hyped his nose is bleeding

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

He's trying to be cool and not target lock on that other guys dick but his eyes have shrunk to pinpricks from the molly.

"ol' san antone" jakesy

He looks like he's part Sugandese

gellaho

Next page: Nancy (the worst human being) does some breaking and entering of her dad's girlfriend's house

gellaho

Art is hard

(that guy's name is Art)

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Man I really want her to find nothing except a letter from her dad about how much he loves her farts.

FancyShark

aw man. The lighting made me get excited that we might get a Metabarons cameo

"ol' san antone" jakesy

She is going to find so much insurance paperwork in there

FancyShark

IT'S ALWAYS THE PAPERWORK!

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

And it mentions that his new girlfriend is the only thing good in his life now that his daughter died tragically.

gellaho

Anthony doesn't understand any part of how alarms work

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

AAAAAGH ITS THE DESK ALARM!

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

Someone fired up a monster truck outside.

gellaho

That's not the noise they make, it doesn't connect to laptop webcams

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Bobbsey Mom is a wizard and cast Alarm on her desk.

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

She sprung for the extra good Ring package.

gellaho

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

FancyShark

That's just the neighbor's leaf blower

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

The rs are just the Ring alarm. It goes "RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGG!"

gellaho

Yes

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

And Mrs. Bobbsey owns a really big dog.

FancyShark

From the way it's portrayed, it's a quiet model

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Fourty ninjas with tommyguns jump out of the curtains.

gellaho

That's what the book said

gellaho

I'm also 99% sure this woman had lighter hair before

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

"Well yeah..........your dad said you had a car accident, what the fuck are you doing breaking into my house!?"

gellaho

Nancy straight up about to kill this woman based on her gut

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

"Also Ive been fucking your dad since he grew that beard. Have you seen his beard?"

gellaho

"I was going to get people hooked on prescription drugs, but they wouldn't let me"

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

"Ohhhhhhhhhhh you misunderstood. "Meet with Wang and get a piece of his action." was code. I was fucking your dad."

gellaho

Nancy, the worst detective on Earth, changes her opinion with no evidence

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Also you confessed to something that would have never been proveable in court.

gellaho

Just based on her judge of character

and she's a terrible judge of character

and this isn't the last time she does this exact thing

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

"Psyche! I fucked your dad! I always hated you!"

GIF

gellaho

"Fuck you, dead mom! I like this ex-rich lady better"

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Also I can really sympathize with Freddy and Flo not liking Nancy because their mom liked her better.

Alot of this seems like Nancy's fault in hindsight.

gellaho

It's weird that both this story and that last book focus so much on Carson fucking people other than Nancy's mom

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Why do so many writers wanna write Carson Drew fuck fics?!

gellaho

Fuck off

"ol' san antone" jakesy

The Wang wants what it wants

gellaho

Leave baby Jesus out of this, Anthony

gellaho

You hack

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Eat a dick, if Nancy doesnt become an enforcer for Mrs Bobbseys drug business like its a spinn off of Weeds I'm gonna throw shit.

GDC

That is the contents of every goth kids myspace page on 2005.

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Also Nancy, since you didnt die nobody engineered your death.

"ol' san antone" jakesy

Now the Hardys are dressed as college kids wearing their nicest bar outfits

GDC

They forgot to pop their collars though.

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Nancy, you may have misunderstood or possibly imagined those two shadowy figures on the riverbank.

gellaho

So, Nancy, is any part of this investigation into our father's murder going to rely on evidence or just your whims?

FancyShark

Just make Nancy the killer, Anthony. Do something you can't take back

gellaho

Frank getting darker by the second

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Oh is this still about Fenton being murdered in some way? All NAncy seems to focus on is her own murder.

gellaho

Why have you done this Joe Eisma? I assume I can't blame Anthony for this weird thing

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

And Frank is starting to look like he's a Spanish pirate.

gellaho

Great

FancyShark

This must be what happened to Bess

gellaho

Fantastic

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Joe must have hit her really hard.

gellaho

Who couldst be?

FancyShark

Red Herring

GDC

Theres only one thing that could bring the hardy boys to river heights: the fact that they live there.

gellaho

George! And not even the weird elfen one

gellaho

And now: an awkward interview with the editor

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Meh i liked enby George who believes in vampires better.

gellaho

gellaho

So you remember those porny ads?

FancyShark

oh no

gellaho

Now they're advertising this

gellaho

This is not OK

FancyShark

WHAT

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Jesus they Dinkleyd Nancy.

gellaho

And another Nancy Drew comic

Although I can't figure out which one of these alt teens is supposed to be Nancy Drew

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

They're going to keep committing these crimes until someone stops them, huh?

GDC

They're advertising the lil hardy kids adventures in this book.

gellaho

Or really who any of these characters are

Brendan

Matt is awesome though. Aloof cool is kind of his whole humor.

gellaho

Ahuh

Brendan

He and McGuinness and Joe Kelly gave us the Deadpool as pop culture knows it today.

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Every one of these people looks so annoyed they exist.

Brendan

He tends to bring the best work out of creators.

So just think on that.

gellaho

Well

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Well.

FancyShark

Oh god, this could have been worse?!

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

If this is Joe and Anthony's best..........

gellaho

This is worse than the first one, so

Hmmmmmmm

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

I mean he did throw in an editors note that they are idiots, right?

gellaho

Why the fuck are you advertising the first one in book four

gellaho

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

I want these people destroyed. Physically, financially, spiritually.

Brendan

The dame had headlights...to DIE for.

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

I dont care.

Someone get on that.

gellaho

Guess what

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Someone fuck their dads.

gellaho

Brendan

Dynamite's gonna have the Hunger Games license in ten more years.

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

God........Dammit.

gellaho

Oh, come the fuck on

Brendan

DIDN'T @Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺 SAY

"ol' san antone" jakesy

Hahaha

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Well I guess old people need to jack off too.

gellaho

We have defeated The Death of Nancy Drew #4

Brendan

Betty Boop/Mars Attack-ak-ak-aks

gellaho

Moving forward

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

For being dead Nancy sure has been in a lot of these. I hope this is a Death of Superman situation and it ends with her dying.

FancyShark

I stand by Dynamite for the Army of Darkness comic and throw them under the bus for pretty much anything else

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

And donating her ear to Frank.

gellaho

Flashback to when Frank was white

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Before Joe hit him so hard his melanin thought Apollo himself had come to throw hands at Frank.

gellaho

Faces are hard

FancyShark

They think of her as a sweet, simple girl who just solves murders

gellaho

I've learned that the secret to success with any of these books is not crediting your writers

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

"Funeral home?"

"Pizza Parlor?"

"Sex Pit?"

gellaho

Every time they credit the writers it turns out horrible

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

So far this comic hasnt even disavowed the ideology of the Nazi party so they are in deep trouble.

GDC

Some real brookehands happening here.

gellaho

Wait, who the fuck is Ramona

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

The.......Judy Blume Ramona?

Please..........say no.

"ol' san antone" jakesy

Ready Hardy One

FancyShark

"I was going to say vegetable, but junkie sounds nicer"

GDC

Or the Beverly cleary Ramona.

gellaho

Oh, fuck, I thought he was talking to Nancy

"ol' san antone" jakesy

Just name dropping teen paperback characters

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

I feel like that would be going too far even for the book where Frank Hardy loses an ear in a knife fight with a mob hitman.

gellaho

Why'd you draw Nancy and George in the same clothes!?

"ol' san antone" jakesy

Frank has temporarily regained his caucasity

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

Best girlfriends love to dress in ways that are identical and easy to draw?

gellaho

"Way to manipulate those idiots oh right, the drug lady"

FancyShark

It's a process called "bioluminescence"

gellaho

Serious artist

Sex Bologna Flippant Sausage

"Hi I'm Ramona DoesDrugs, and this is what Fentanyl does to cops."

gellaho

Oh, we're not explaining Ramona? Cool