108: The Stalker Nicole Davidson

gellaho

The next day, Troy and Jennifer encounter a broken elevator

Brendan!™

You just have to get every man in Texas drunk and wait for a confession.

gellaho

Deep, man

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Almost as if the door is wedged by that brightly colored object.

gellaho

How many could there possibly be?

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

wow, characterization

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Troy, you should remove the object, maybe that will fix it!

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

at last, drama!

Velo Martingale

Is this another point and click game that failed so hard it became a book?

GDC's Quivering Thews

Trying strangling the elevator, Troy. That usually solves your problems.

gellaho

Gary discourages them from trying to pry out this, windshield scraper?

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

elevator doors known for slamming closed

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Gary is the strangler and that scraper is...........A STRANGLIN BOMB!

gellaho

Oh, and a garrote in the elevator shaft

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

choking on the mere word garrote

a potent weapon indeed

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Good place to hide it.

sexdick jakesy

Murder, Garrote

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Not the best place, you wanna throw that kind of thing into a storm drain.

Velo Martingale

I don't think that's what a garrote is

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

wait if she didn't know what it was why did the sight of it make her blood run cold

GDC's Quivering Thews

It's not like the sheriff bothered to investigate these attacks, it's probably pretty safe to leave it there .

gellaho

Kathryn calls Gary a boy, so I have no idea how old he is

Brendan!™

So we're looking for a murderer with bitch-weak wrists.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

she's been scared of rope ever since her father beat her for skipping too much?

gellaho

Maybe dad needs to lighten up

Brendan!™

Jennifer's body shivered. If Troy knew what type of rope killed, perhaps he would strangle her with his gun during extreme play--!

Dad sounds like a real monster.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

yeah also I like that no one noticed Troy's advanced knowledge of strangle murder techniques

gellaho

This would be really scary if you've never encountered an elevator door before

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

He probably reads comic books.

gellaho

It's also an elevator for a two floor building, can we calm down a little bit

Velo Martingale

Those are perilous heights in texas

gellaho

It ain't speeding anywhere

Brendan!™

So Troy...slashed his leg on a falling elevator?

Velo Martingale

Notiously sharp and jagged elevators yeah

GDC's Quivering Thews

Those doors are razor sharp

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Texas makes theirs out of rusty nails reclaimed from Civil War graves.

gellaho

The elevator is apparently glass? So... why couldn't they see the garrote before?

gellaho

Jesus Christ, Kathryn. How are you so bad at this

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Uh hoooooooo, Troy, you arent insured for this.

Brendan!™

A doctor in Houston got trapped in closing doors once and then the elevator rose up and decapitated him. I believe all Texas elevators are secretly evil.

ALL OF THEM

gellaho

Especially the opaque glass ones

Brendan!™

Damn luxury elevators.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

so far our villains are depression and an elevator

gellaho

Yeah, no shit

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

This is why Jesus commanded that all buildings be a single story.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

I'm starting to wonder if the strangling was just a wacky misunderstanding

gellaho

"911, how does it work?" thought Jennifer, the moron

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Jennifer probably got caught in a broken tennis racket like a raccoon.

Brendan!™

And an incompetent murderer with the forearms of an accountant.

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Really the best strangling power comes from lowering your center of gravity and putting your hips and legs into it.

Brendan!™

Isn't it suspicious how every time a mall attack happens, the cops show up? VERY convenient, I'd say.

We have more proof Jennifer's dad is the killer than any other suspect.

gellaho

Jennifer must be really into legs

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

got some bulk on that thigh bruh

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

God Jennifer what were you expecting? For him to be like fully disfigured?

Brendan!™

Troy's swole calves pulsed with anger at the blood they were forced to lose. Jennifer blamed herself. If only she hadn't almost died, her gentleman lover would not be injured now!

Velo Martingale

So close to bingo

Brendan!™

Show us the current edition.

gellaho

That's not... huh? What?

Brendan!™

TWO beats! You would DIE

Velo Martingale

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

SHUT UP

Brendan!™

I'm not who you think I am. I'm a state university sophomore.

Eerie Queen Mordred 👑

Oh, that fucking Troy

Brendan!™

But your free space--haven't you already won?

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

he's a fucking uni student who thinks he's a supercop

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

hahahahah Kathryn revealing she doesnt know what prelaw students do.

Eerie Queen Mordred 👑

The one who was undercover in that ski vacation murder?

Velo Martingale

Only if we get a scare -any scare- and I don't think that's going to happen

gellaho

The fuck are you talking about, Kathryn

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

I'm finding it more and more unlikely Kathryn ever went to college.

GDC's Quivering Thews

He's an honorary junior cop buddy

Brendan!™

"I only abuse minorities on weekends and never for contrived overtime."

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

I hope this is all a lie

because he's just the murderer

gellaho

And the reason they have to use an untrained "prelaw" student is...?

Velo Martingale

I don't think prelaw is a defined major anywhere

Eerie Queen Mordred 👑

Yeah, no

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Also why are you blabbing to your teen girlfriend?

Velo Martingale

But more importantly Troy is an intern

gellaho

Kathryn, you've outdone yourself yet again.

This is somehow dumber than the fake arrest that did nothing

Velo Martingale

Also i checked and she's entirely wrong about what a garrote is

FancyShark

I'm sorry, Velo. But I did warn you

sexdick jakesy

Prelaw is just the fluid that builds up to lubricate the passage for law school, everyone knows this

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

This is even dumber than that one where the girl thought some ordinary dude was possessed by a demon but it was just him being angry or something.

gellaho

Brendan!™

Wait a second, these aren't suicide knots...they're MURDER knots!

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Yes, many women sound like Mickey Mouse.

Very high and squeaky, is how I describe womens voices.

Kathryn.

Velo Martingale

It's Jennifer's mom isn't it

Old twitchy

gellaho

Maybe you should still be in the hospital, dude

FancyShark

Did the elevator have an axe or something?

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Also all this is the result of him being shitty at elevator repair to the point of minor self injury.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

"Jennifer, he's a mall cop. He told you he was undercover fbi and you just... believed him? This is why you shouldn't be dating older men."

Velo Martingale

The elevator had a garrote, except Kathryn didn't look up what garrote is

so in this universe a garrote is a rope with a knot in it

sexdick jakesy

I would say she's a bad garriter

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

"Jennifer, you know Deputy Roberts? Yeah he's like 19, you dont need a special education to be a cop."

Brendan!™

Roti and horror movie time. Mr. Shark. Bookmark me.

gellaho

Also it was made of glass, so anybody should have been able to see it

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

"In fact, being a complete dipshit is kind of a bonus."

Velo Martingale

Also the knot is for crushing the windpipe. You know, the notoriously, famously strong windpipe

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

most powerful part of the human body

Velo Martingale

That thing in our throats that means we can never be choked unless it's by someone with spuerhuman strength

FancyShark

Marked, sir

Velo Martingale

this is why no one has ever been choked to death unless they were killed by andre the giant

gellaho

Something about authors in the early nineties made them love the term "electric eye." Which is good because it reminds me of Judas Priest

GDC's Quivering Thews

Keep your electric eye on me, babe. Press your raygun to my head

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

troy pushed the button

troy is the murdere

FancyShark

The Boston Strangler could crush paint cans single-handedly

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

the whole fbi story is fake

which is very funny

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Man, Screaming for Vengeance was a good album.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

this is exactly as good as heavy rain

gellaho

Troy finds a secret passage in the book store storage room

Velo Martingale

Oh my god it's Gary

FancyShark

That's an unkind thing to say. Also, true.

Velo Martingale

middle manager gary no

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Of course its Gary, hes the only real character aside from Jennifer's dad.

sexdick jakesy

He was so ambitious

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Who hasnt been accounted for.

sexdick jakesy

He was going to make senior store manager within the decade

Tens of dollars on the line

FancyShark

Don't forget Kathryn ended one of her books with "it was some guy"

GDC's Quivering Thews

He's stumbled on to that homeless lady's place.

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

He was going to work for Jennifers dads son when Jennifers Dad retired!

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

yeah this is just the squatters

FancyShark

Wait, no. That was the bee book

gellaho

Secret hobo lair

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

but one of them saw troy doing murders so he has to find them

sexdick jakesy

Hobo Syndicate

GDC's Quivering Thews

Mike is visibly aroused at the thought of murdering a homeless person.

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

"Hey uh.......Mike.........do you like......need a minute to......er......calm down?"

gellaho

Jennifer finds him popping stitches very attractive

Velo Martingale

It was Books N Things all along!

One of the Things was murder!

FancyShark

The incredible savings really WERE too good to be true

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

and reminder, that job is

Velo Martingale

He's not even a real mall cop

gellaho

Insanely busy day at the Cinnabon

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Jennifer is going to get pregnant and never see college.

Velo Martingale

he's an intern pretending to be a mall cop

It's not possible to have less authority than him

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

I swear that bit has to be a lie

FancyShark

Embrace the madness, Tom

Velo Martingale

He's lying about being an intern pretending to be a mall cop to hide the fact that he is just a mall cop

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Troy isnt even a mall cop, he just turned up one day and wanders around in a uniform he bought from Spirit Halloween.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

the madness is that she believed him

GDC's Quivering Thews

Imagine word got out they gave a pre law student a piece and told him to catch a serial killer. There would be congressional hearings.

sexdick jakesy

Yeah you gotta save that work for sons of detectives

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

To be fair, it IS Texas so he probably brought the gun from home.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

also possible

FancyShark

The sheer volume of vigilantes who would claim to be prelaw

Velo Martingale

"You gave your most pretentious sociology student a gun?!" the President would scream

gellaho

"Well, it's not like anybody was almost killed, so I thought I'd keep it to myself"

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

"What a terrific idea, I'm glad I thought of it." is the likely follow up.

Louise is based af.

gellaho

Jennifer reptilian confirmed

FancyShark

Toldja. Setup shop in the bookstore

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

oh I get it, she blinked twice because lizards have two eyelids

Velo Martingale

please be jennifer's dad please be jennifer's dad it would be so funny please

sexdick jakesy

The guy with anger issues so bad it snapped Jennifer out of a coma?

No way couldn't be

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

I will take back every mean thing Ive ever said about Kathryn if its Jennifers dad.

Velo Martingale

It's not just a bookstore it's a Books N Things! They sell things!

gellaho

Maybe the weakest motive for murder I've ever seen

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

I will not take back every mean thing I've said about troy

gellaho

Not to mention the complete lack of evidence

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Wait for......thousands of dollars?

sexdick jakesy

Also lol, "put him away for a long time" lady this is barely grand theft, he's going to get 6 months and probation

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

several THOUSANDS of dollars!

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Gary........you MAKE that much.

Velo Martingale

They were all true. Troy aspires to be an intern.

FancyShark

Nothing will divert attention away from your many thefts like multiple murder investigations

Badger (ENEMY STAND: 『POOP MAN』)

Our murderer's name is seriously "Gary Pyzik".

sexdick jakesy

Lol

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

yeah this is nothing

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Gary, do you have like a crack habit or a secret baby?

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

this is the reddest herring

gellaho

Jennifer looking to get murdered for realzies

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

if this is the plot I quit

FancyShark

Someone lock the door before Tom can leave

sexdick jakesy

I know, I'll hide my small crimes that wouldn't even get me a year in prison and turn that into the death penalty

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

haha no you can't make me

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

There is no escape.

Velo Martingale

Tom if you leave early we won't choke you

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

hm

gellaho

Fuck off, they did not give him a gun

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

People who leave Book Cage early are haunted by the Book Ape tulpa, just FYI.

gellaho

I mean, the whole thing is stupid but, you know

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

no way

FancyShark

"Welcome to college. Here is your gun."

GDC's Quivering Thews

I still think the need to specify the caliber of every hand gun in fiction is weird.

sexdick jakesy

Well this is Texas

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Hahahahah of course they gave him a gun. They let Steven Seagal have one, why not Mike?

gellaho

Also, his leg is about to pop

Velo Martingale

That's fine he's got two

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

Louise calls the sheriff, sheriff says "that mall cop? he doesn't work for me"

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

ITs just a flesh wound.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

I'm dying on this hill

sexdick jakesy

If he didn't have the gun he could get arrested for the crime of being a huge pussy

gellaho

I mean, he goes to school in Austin

sexdick jakesy

Ok so an artisanal craft gun

Velo Martingale

The same place Mike buys his undercover crack

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Give him a handmade flintlock then.

GDC's Quivering Thews

The sheriff registered his gun before going to buy a bottle of hooch out of a station wagon.

FancyShark

Both are Things!

Velo Martingale

🎵 Books N Things, we have guns and crack!🎶

FancyShark

All we need now is a cover. Like a...book...cover. WAIT, I'VE GOT IT

gellaho

I suspect you're right, based on nothing

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

"you don't belong here" is a weird thing to say

FancyShark

Troy, sensing the book is nearly over, decides "Fuck it. Why not"

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

almost murdery

sexdick jakesy

With those meddling kids out of the way, he had a clear path to assistant inventory manager

Velo Martingale

Troy's a real god damn hero

sexdick jakesy

His ambition knows no bounds

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

"Yeah no shit Jennifer."

Velo Martingale

"Yes Jennifer I know. I'm killing these homeless people first, and then we'll go solve the murders."

gellaho

These are hobos out of a 1940s movie about the depression

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

"I'm still going to execute these elderly unhoused people, I really wanna get into the FBI bad."

Velo Martingale

Oh no, assistant inventory manager Gary used the inventory as a weapon!

FancyShark

Plastic packaging cord, that thing that feels like wire

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

you mean a dark unidentifiable figure seen at a distance

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Aw Gary, you fucking Garyed Jennifer's strangling. Plastic packing cord?

FancyShark

Classic Gary

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Wire, wire my dude. Dont tell me you couldnt lay hands on some wire.

gellaho

Well, now you have evidence. Granted, not great evidence considering it's one eye witness and fuck all else

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

IF you used wire and twisted the ends together you wouldnt have a witness, you fucking done Garyed it.

Velo Martingale

That's all the evidence you need when you have an intern with a gun!

sexdick jakesy

Garyyoted her you mean

gellaho

What, how?

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Evidence is for Conneticut liberals, Texas men shoot first and simply dont ask questions.

Velo Martingale

I

FancyShark

hahahahaha, fucking what?

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

oh yeah you guys were right, it's totally gary. I see now how wrong I was

GDC's Quivering Thews

Fuck you, book

Velo Martingale

this was 1992, Remotes were still magic

sexdick jakesy

Well now at least we've finally figured out who's rigging the computers to explode

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Lol Kathryn............that's not how elevators work!

sexdick jakesy

Someone with deep knowledge of electronic gadgets and such

Velo Martingale

They had those logitech remotes that came with their own little embeded screens

FancyShark

You held out a long time! That takes fortitude!

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Kathryn is such a stupid writer its hard to hate it.

gellaho

TO TROY, LOY

FancyShark

:nerds:

Flippant Sausage, rebunned

Suck his dick, why dont you, Troy.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

loy was a real name?

GDC's Quivering Thews

Man when they say universal remote, they're not kidding! 🏌️‍♂️

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

to me Loy sounds like a name where they wear hats on their feet and hamburgers eat people

FancyShark

Loy. Loy Patterson. Perhaps you know him? He goes fishing during the summer. Has a little place up the road. He's the sheriff

sexdick jakesy

Troy, compared to Loy he's more like SoyTroy

gellaho

And Gary was the assistant manager, was he? Not even graduated high school?

FancyShark

That boy Troy, Loy did deploy

GDC's Quivering Thews

They're in cahoots, it's a classic Troy Loy Ploy

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

no doy

sexdick jakesy

Troy's just the boytoy

gellaho

"Good thinking"

Velo Martingale

It's a special kind of book that requires this gif twice in one night

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

if gary doesn't get this promotion he'll be lowly rabble, the hoi polloi

Velo Martingale

"Allowing Troy his first smile of the night."